Autistic Experiences With Alcohol

[@syntaera]

For me, the anxiety goes away, but so does my masking. My friends all joked that when I drank I went into "Professor mode" - the more drunk I get, the longer my words get, and the less I tend to restrain myself from expounding at LENGTH about my special interests. I know I certainly FEEL more socially adept when drunk, but from some honest feedback I realise with the benefit of hindsight that I only feel that way - I actually lose my mask, which feels great to me, but does make me really stick out as different.

[@pearl-n-nachocat2827]

"Professor mode"... OMG lol I can relate so much to this!

[@binscabs]

It's amazing to me that we have a culture and none of us know each other.

[@micheller3251]

My mom used alcohol a lot as a young adult to drown out what she didn't know were the results of autistic traits (sensory issues, feelings of not understanding what's going on and being the odd one all the time). Back then it sort of made her feel like she was "part of the group". For me it was kind of the opposite, alcohol makes the worst of my traits come out all at once. It worsens my sensory issues, makes me more impatient, more tired, makes me hate social interractions even more because my brain gets too slow, to the point where I can't even process what people are saying to me and I just want to cry. It also doesn't help that I dislike the taste of most alcohol.

[@annawhitneysparks3112]

I'm literally 2 minutes into this video and I feel so validated! Drinking makes me feel "normal". Because of this, unfortunately, I spent a lot of time drinking in my 20s. Like 3-4 days binge drinking every week. Now I drink occasionally, maybe once a month, but when I do, I go back to feeling like a regular person in social situations and even my sensory issues improve with drinking. It's a really dangerous way to cope with autism, but it's so interesting to hear it from someone else.

[@teleportmanteau]

Me tooooo … but for me it’s healing in many ways. There is such a thing as a healthy relationship with alcohol. So it’s worth exploring what healthy looks like

[@prtty_reckless]

​@@teleportmanteauThis is super validating

[@SweetiePieTweety]

YES! Undiagnosed Autism = Early Substance Use to cope socially 🤷‍♀️. It does take the anxiety edge off to enable social activities and interaction. Do do feel more “normal”. Whatever that is lol. Alcohol enabled me (the disabler enabler?) to overcome my social anxiety to leave selective mutism behind forever. The danger zone is just as you said…. that line between a pre event take the edge off shot to hanging with those who truly can drink a load all night and well…. that does NOT work out well. We just don’t tolerate that toxic load to recover our systems and still function in the real world. And yes, then your desire to have “friends” it does progress to being used and the whole system can break. Crutches for social acceptance. Then you tilt and oh shit, walk away moment. Proud of you being so self aware you get it! And can manage. Just be careful because if you are expected to hang in a zone you can’t that crutch will seem like a logical reach to success. Sadly, it isn’t. It’s still a crutch. And who wants to be “successful” and “socially acceptable” with a substance crutch? And yes, I do believe it is a different experience. Very affected good with a wee wee bit, but bad with just a wee wee bit too much. Recovery is not what most people experience, it’s much much harder on the body/brain.

[@apollo4216]

I have never really felt the appeal of alcohol personally. The feeling of being tipsy makes me uneasy instead of relaxed. I think the dulled senses and impaired thinking give me an unnerving sense of not being in full control of my own mind and body. Sometimes I'll have one drink if it's something really tasty, but the idea of pounding cheap beer or doing shots for the sole purpose of getting drunk is completely alien to me. If I feel like having a cocktail, I'll usually just have them make it without alcohol (which tastes better to me anyway). I can see the appeal of lowered inhibitions when it comes to social situations, but alcohol doesn't really help me there. If I'm around people with similar traits (which is fortunately quite common in the engineering field), the conversation flows naturally by itself. Alcohol just makes it more likely for me to lose my train of thought during a conversation. If I'm around people that I don't have much in common with, I'm happy just sitting quietly and listening to the conversation or daydreaming. The one time I've been properly drunk was way back in university with a bunch of very close engineering friends (many of whom definitely had some autistic traits). It was a perfect combination of a secure private environment to drink, people that I felt very comfortable around, and of course plenty of drinking. It was a great time, but I think it would have been plenty fun without alcohol too. Ironically, the times I'm most frequently offered alcohol (family gatherings) are also the times I'm least likely to accept. While I do generally feel comfortable around my family, I don't feel like I can really let down my mask (particularly if there is someone there that I don't know very well). During work events, I feel more of a sense of safety in unmasking without fear of being negatively judged because many other people there are like me.

[@anxiety-83]

My experiences are identical.

[@Dani.P.F.]

I love alcohol and being moderately drunk. I started drinking around the age of 15 (I'm German, we, sadly, started drinking way too early) with my friend group. We got drunk a few times, only at home or during school trips. I then moved 4 hours away from my home town and stopped drinking. I might have had a few drinks at Christmas, but I honestly can't remember. I moved again and drank occasionally. Then I moved back, near my home town (I was 24 at that time) and it was fine for a while. Then I went back to school and worked part time at a wine shop and started drinking way too much. Every other day, for a couple of months at a time. I just couldn't cope with the stress and life in general. Thankfully, I never became physically dependent and managed to stop this type of drinking. I've never had a real hangover, never threw up from it (I suffer from emetophobia, so I refuse to drink over my limit). I prefer to drink alone, which would be alarming to most people. I had three months in 2020 where being sober was my special interest. I definitely agree that drinking culture is overrated and a problem. And I also know that it's a neurotoxin that attacks every cell of your body. But I'm also human and a hypocrite. I still love drinking and do drink occasionally. I think part of it is the memories I have. I used to adore my friend group and those times we drank together. I love the smell of alcohol, some part of me associates it with feeling bonded. I also connect sexuality and alcohol. The two sexual experience I've had were under the influence. Would you consider filming a video about the topic of 'autism and lying'? I'd be very curious about other people's experiences.

[@Wotansfogal]

Yup. Once I was drunk I was a human and felt like I belonged a bit more instead of feeling like the third wheel all the time. Over time I stopped caring about alcohol though because I hated the day after feeling. Getting tipsy once every half a year is ideal for me and I rarely drink at home. Like you said, my personality never really changed (at least not a lot). I was a bit more giddy and happy and felt more connection but other than that I never experienced the aggression and vileness that others who are drunk experience. I was still self aware of my actions. I also relate very much to the last part where you talk about the whole meeting people, hooking up and dancing while drunk experience.

[@deesparklebazinga9374]

I miss alcohol, I still drink but only occasionally, possibly 3/4 times a year. I used to drink daily to survive my anxiety at school etc. Smoking is now an addiction for me which is frustrating! Take care xx

[@deesparklebazinga9374]

@@artemisXsidecross with the other unfortunately

[@deesparklebazinga9374]

@@artemisXsidecross unfortunately I live in the UK and it's still illegal!

[@gmlpc7132]

I never liked the taste of alcohol and only ever drank to fit in. I very much regret that - not least because it didn't work - but at the time it seemed the only thing to do. I've had long periods of not drinking punctuated by spells of drinking when out with others in a vain attempt to seem "normal". I haven't now drunk alcohol for years and aim to keep it that way. One of the problems for autists is that we already feel like outsiders so going out to a social event and not drinking makes us feel even more on the outside so there is the pressure to drink and maybe do other things we'd prefer not to do. I would drink on the few dates that I had because I felt it was hard enough getting a date I didn't then want to jeopardise it by not drinking and seeming "weird" (or "too weird" to be more accurate). I do regret that though because no-one should embark on a relationship trying to be someone they're not. It's easier with the benefit of age and greater experience to do what you think is right for you and not right for someone else.

[@annienamaste8283]

Oh my gosh yes over the years I have often noticed how I can drink the same amount as the people I was with, but they're totally loose and I'll be affected for sure, but still be self aware and much more aware of what's going on compared to everyone else. I guess I just put it down to maybe having a higher tolerance for alcohol or having a lot of social anxiety (and therefore being on high alert all the time) that I hadn't address yet or reflected on enough at that point in life. Since being diagnosed autistic this year at age 37, looking back through that lens I do wonder if we experience/process/are affected by alcohol differently.. But also I think for me there was a huge masking factor at play. I can see now I've been a heavy masker for as long as I can remember and coupled with social anxiety it meant I never had my guard down. I used to envy friends who seemed so at ease totally letting themselves roll around as it were, all drunk (and/or high) and affectionate with each other and I'd still be really self conscious, self aware, and not able to relax and let myself go like they would. I could see the difference in me compared to them, even if I'd had the same amount (or often I'd have had even more to drink), but I didn't understand why until diagnosis. I don't want to drink now, I'm much more wanting to discover and connect with what's real and with the authentic me instead of drown her out with alcohol

[@bendo9162]

I believe, alcohol causes a slowing down in parts of our neuronal activity (delayed reaction, etc.), including our circuits for fear, anxiety, inhibition and self control. Therefore, it does not change our personality (in the moment that is, I am not talking about personality change due to addiction), but rather tends to reveal personality traits that we repress or hide under normal circumstances. Some people are naturally sociable and will talk to anyone while under the influence of alcohol. Some people have a tendency for anger and violence and will become aggressive. I believe that is why everybody reacts differently to the influence of alcohol. For me, it allows me to better deal with my sensory sensitivities due to repressing some of the associated neuronal signals, while making me care less about the consequences of my actions. In addition, a bottle of beer gives me a physical object to "hide" behind in an interaction as well as something to do (drink) when I can not contribute to the conversation. Therefore, I tend to become more sociable, until a point is reached, where I become just numb. Even in private, a bit of alcohol is one of the few things that actually allow me to feel a semblance of relaxation.

[@shadowfox933]

I've always felt like an observer in my own body when I've been really drunk, and I have never blacked out. I've always been mentally "in control" of my actions, but everything feels slower and less coordinated. The most I ever drink by myself is a glass of wine with a meal, but I have also noticed that it feels easier to fit in with a group when I drink, and while I don't really have a great deal of anxiety, it does help me deal with my sensory issues

[@lumps1610]

I actually had a really bad binge drinking habit in my teen/early adult years that I only really curbed after my diagnosis at 23. I was banned from high school parties because it became very disruptive. I used to use it as a sort of 'cure for Autism' when really it just made all my inhibitions and social anxiety go away. I have only really felt like I was allowed to feel awkward and anxious socially after diagnosis so I have pretty much stopped using alcohol to cope with that now. I also seem to have a bad habit of self injurious behaviour when I drink as a form of stimming. I become very chaotic and just slam my body into things for fun which can seem very jarring to the friends and leaves me with a lot of bruises after whoops.

[@coreypoundGalaticCore]

Neat-O I felt the same I knew I was different, when my best buds parents went on vacation we were like party! But when it came the actual party I went woha I gotta take care of my buddy and his house I spent the whole night doing that in anxious spurts. That was when I was 18. Fast forward I realized I felt normal I could engage be more comical and with out scenarios an images of what the opportunity may path out to be, was nice not having to deal with that. It worked so well that alcohol became my go to, to "play normal" I even had a serious relationship for six yrs...but once we spit up I drank a lot I literally told myself welp let's see what an alcoholic life is like...one yr of that was enough for me I actually can't believe humans do it for life times....I digress for me and experiencing autistic life and alcohol has been a wild ride. When I was casually drinking I had more friends and did more things out of the house, i would still get over stim and burnt-out alcohol made it worse at times and if I shut down I'd be way more grumpy or unresponsive. I've never been a human to do extreme things while drinking or drunk I would feel warm and fuzzy and observed with out being a care taker or being over critical of things around me. Myself would and still get a head ache if I only drink half or a few sips it's like I have to go mmmtay we are gonna do this muur all in. 😎🤓✌️🤙☮️🤜🤛🚀☯️🖖

[@sambbbb]

I don't drink anymore because I always get sick, even from just 1-2 drinks over numerous hours with food. But I agree that I don't feel that it alters my personality, it just makes me less self-conscious. More than anything I like being around friends that are tipsy while I'm sober, because they're less inhibited and it makes me feel more comfortable.

[@homuraakemi4559]

Having 2 beers in a six hour session feels nice

[@edwardbrett6133]

Love your bed and wallpaper, guessing astronomy or Starman are a special interest? Love it!

[@paradisefound3536]

I also am one of those autistic/ADD people for whom alcohol acts as a "normaliser". It tones down my anxiety and sensory overload like nothing else. My mum and sister are the same. We are all undiagnosed but it was a normal thing in my house growing up to have a shot of vodka to help you get in the shower. As a result I've been hovering around functional alcoholism since my teens. I've never heard this spoken about anywhere. Thank you very much for sharing your experience.

[@MartianGirl347]

I was extremely dependent on alcohol because it was basically the only way I could socialize. Everyone would also mention how they loved drunk me, so that helped fuel the fire… I ended up becoming very, VERY ill, and no one could figure out why. At first I thought it was just the alcohol making me sick, so I quit drinking completely. But after a few more flare ups post-booze, I realized it was the socializing (accompanied with loud music, randos trying to chat, etc.) that was making me sick, and the alcohol helped me push through when my body was screaming “NOOO!” Since quitting booze, my life has improved drastically. I will never understand why alcohol is such a celebrated substance in society. I was on the path to addiction, without a doubt.

[@shimpscampy]

I enjoy alcohol. It does make me feel “less autistic” in the sense that it takes away the parts I hate about socializing and just leaves the enjoyable parts. I don’t drink often because nobody I know really drinks, they like to partake in more botanical substances, which I have had terrible experiences with unfortunately. No matter the strain it just makes me terribly anxious and I’m only able to be high around other people. Sleeping high is so so scary, and it just blows my mind that people smoke to help them sleep. Sleeping drunk feels great though lol.

[@Wade_Adakai]

First time I drank alcohol, I felt free from all my social anxiety and was able to let me personality come through. Of course I became dependent on it in my 20’s, and made things worse when I was hungover. I was diagnosed with ASD 2 years ago and stopped alcohol consumption. I miss it, but being educated on autism actually helps me manage my impulses. Thanks for your video! 🙌🏾

[@kaisfp]

Most of the experiences that you said in this video are exactly like how I experienced them. Your video here just made me remember one highschool memory of mine: One day (hich was a day after a tipsy highschool bus-trip day) a romantically-not-interested-in-me-I-think girl who was sitting behind my bus-seat told me thay "You should drink more!" At that time had a hangover but I already was able to think clearly, and I was not sure what was the reason she told me and I didn't know if she meant it sarcastically or she actually suggested me to drink more. I still have no idea, she was just half-smiling/half-smiling and for the life of me I cannot guess if she meant it seriously or sarcastically. There are tons of this type of things were happening to me then, I like to think that I am at least slightly better at guessing other people's sarcasm (vs their non-sarcasm), but I am close to never ever 100% sure if somebody is sarcastic or not. It happens only about 1 or maaaaybe 2 times per year when I think "Oh, he/she MUST meant this in a sarcastic way." Interestingly, I don't know why exactly yet, but I think I can be sarcastic with others. I just don't get sarcasm if other talk in a sarcastic way to me. I have to ask them every single time: "Do you really mean what you just said, or are you just kidding?", etc...

[@kaisfp]

(Edit: half-smiling/half-laughing)

[@DanaAndersen]

I’d assume she meant drink more in like the ‘hair of the dog’ way of getting drunk again to make a hangover go away? I’ve also had a lot of times like this though, if I know someone really well I can get used to when they’re most likely to be sarcastic and figure it out, anyone else I just try to laugh along and hope it’s the right thing to do 😅

[@davidrichards9898]

Alcohol is the great leveler. Autists, other ND's and NT's alike get wiser, funnier and more popular when we get drunk. Or so we think. After 30 years of not drinking and observing drunk people I have never met a single person is more palatable when they are drunk than sober (although some are hilarious in small doses), to sober people around them. In a way its ripping off all our masks and finding a clown costume underneath. And some clowns and drunks, are terrifying. I am now 58. I am formally diagnosed adhd and self giagnosed autistic all in the last 2 years. So my experience of alcohol was as a unknowing masked neurodivergent person. I though I was neurotypical with depression. I enjoyed the experience of drinking heavily to cope in society but noticed it was becoming a refuge. At about the same time I was diagnosed with depression and started using anti-depressants. Their effect varied in terms of helping but I did finally develop a stable relationship (with my now wife of 28 years). I also realized that although I drank far less frequently and in smaller volumes that (1) it affected my mood for days afterwards (even my body was affected for a few days. I used to run and cycle a lot then so change more visible. But basically I came to the conclusion alcohol could become a crutch and even if it didnt it is difficult enough to find the right medication and dose without introducing wildcards. Over the years I gathered bipolar 1 ocd and cPTSDas further diagnosies but managed to retire with, what I believe was an autistic meltdown after 35 years in IT. Now looking back as a neurodivergent person my decision to stop alcohol, was 100% correct for me. It should havr been enough that all 4 of my mothers brothers were alcoholics. As was my mother. My great grandmother had 4 kids. Each had at least 1 child who ended their own life. All alcoholics. And viewing my uncles through the neurodivergent lense I wish they had the information I now have. Two of them were lovely people and the other 2 weren't bad but they destroyed everything they touched. My mother at least only fell into this trap once us kids left home and she has since been able to get sober (7 years). So this is a cautionary. But only to say everyone should manage themselves carefully and get trusted input. So its not about never drinking. I should never drink but my wife and kids drink occassionally and rarely over indulge and its no crutch for them. Now, in the middle of unmasking and recalling myself clearly, for the first time, as a child and then how I worked to mask through my childhood, the jump from me to drunk me was far too easy. Perfect escape. Perfect way to cope with little effort. We dont realize how much help we need without accommodations and understanding, as NT's and I think, historically the bottle has caught so many before the diagnosis and the knowledge. Of course knowing this does not mean alcoholism is easily avoided. But in much the same way we manage ourselves as knowing neuro'divergents we do have a little torch we can use to see a little more light in our practices and habits than we would blind.

[@teleportmanteau]

This makes a lot of sense. But there are definitely people who are funnier when drunk. There’s good and bad to a lot of things we consume. Acknowledging both helps understand how to navigate better.

[@davidrichards9898]

@@teleportmanteau Absolutely. Denial may be the most dangerous word lurking around any form of addiction.

[@oliviag.3059]

This video is so exactly how I feel except about a different more leafy friend lol I find EVERYTHING in life goes so much smoother when I can be a little toasty; even things like math class become so much less stressful because I am not experiencing the physical symptoms of the anxiety that usually makes everything hard. Also, I am a fairly small human and I can take a shit ton more than others but feel less "high" (could be a tolerance thing but even at the beginning it was at least somewhat like this so I really don't know). Slightly different thought, but the like instinctively assuming that everyone has similar experiences is something I know I do, but that is so hard for me to spot- usually, I only notice after a long time of assuming something is true for everyone. (as you said, I obviously know people are different and everything just I also think were all the same lol)

[@oliviag.3059]

@@artemisXsidecross would you explain what you meant by the last sentence? I just want to understand what you mean better :-)

[@oliviag.3059]

@@artemisXsidecross ohhhh gotcha, completely agree! Thank you for the clarification !

[@michaelfreydberg4619]

I remember when I was in high school (mid 1980’s) a man in his 60’s visited us to talk about his almost lifelong battle with alcohol. He had been clean about 15 years. He looked like a bald, tough cop type you might see in those csi shows, and I think he had some law enforcement background. But he talked about having no confidence as a teen, would drink and then became this ultra confident person. He said it only got worse from there.

[@sydneyallen8820]

The ADHD part of me enjoys alcohol because of the boost of dopamine it gives me and it also gives me something to look forward to. The autistic part of me enjoys it because it helps me hyperfocus and get tasks done that I would otherwise struggle to do without a tremendous amount of motivation. For example, I have to do multiple discussion posts per week for school and struggle to do more than 1-2 in a day while being sober. If I have a glass of wine and attempt to do assignments or discussion posts, I get like 4-5 done in one sitting. In social settings, alcohol helps me feel like a normal human being and interact with others without feeling like an alien

[@aaacomp1]

Now that I think about the past the only relationships i've been able to make were while drinking. I've actually gotten people's numbers and then saw them a couple of days later, sober. They DID NOT like me at all and often say, wow, you're a lot different than you were the other night...And with people i have a relationship with who know me sober actually get mad at me if I don't feel like drinking when I am with them. The only way I can appear normal is to be quite intoxicated. I finally figured out that i was only drinking so that other people will feel comfortable around me. When I stopped drinking regularly...I lost all my friends and can't seem to make new ones. My social life was +1000% because of alcohol but I really don't like the fact that I have to pay $ and consume alcohol just for NT's to feel comfortable around me.

[@samamsterdam4301]

Alcohol feels good but I get very anxious in the days after I drink. It seems to throw my senses into an overdrive type of overstimulation. I get paranoid if even a rock in my yard is moved out of place and I wonder if someone is gaslighting me. It's a very strange effect that leads to meltdowns on me. I have to steer clear of alcohol for this reason. It's mentally troubling to feel that way and when I don't drink this doesn't happen at all.

[@DanaAndersen]

Thank you for commenting with your experience! I’ve had friends that have had similar experiences and I think it’s a great reason to bring up in regards to lowering the pressures around drinking!

[@brianfoster4434]

Well... I have found that alcohol helps create the perfect mask.

[@karacoconutag]

I had a similar situation and I agree, I am SO lucky the people I was around weren't party people, because if I had been around people who drank every day, I would've drank every day.

[@nitt3rz]

I haven't really been much of a drinker, only a few times I've been drunk. In the last few years I've noticed that alcohol makes more stimulated, so my heart rate shoots up, I feel really jittery & quite uncomfortable. Not sure if it's my Autism or ADHD, or it could be a symptom of having both.

[@robertrusupiano3887]

Thx❤😊

[@MrJaycrow30]

This was definitely sobering! Thanks for be honest! cheers

[@daviniarobbins9298]

I haven't had a drink in a year now. I only started drinking at the age of 40 8 years ago. Not sure I have a problem with it but I would binge drink to the point of being sick. I would buy a whole pack of Guinness(10 or 15 cans) and I would just drink the whole lot in the space of maybes 4 hours. Then I would feel so drunk that I would just go to bed to sleep it off. Big mistake, huge. Never go to bed after having drunk a lot. I got so dizzy in bed I ended up being sick. I was so drunk once I knew I was going to be sick but I was so drunk I didn't care and was sick in bed, twice. Am lucky to be alive. I woke up 4 hours later covered in my sick. Someone I used to know introduced me to WKD. That stuff should be banned it is so drinkable. I mean you can easily drink 18 units of the stuff in the space of an hour. Not keen on wine though. I find it tastes sour. Didn't stop me from drinking three bottles of it over 16 hours. I been so drunk on wine I just fallen asleep on my sofa, wake up 5 hours later, go to the toilet and be sick(hadn't planned to be sick it just happened) then spent 8 hours in bed sleeping it off. So I have decided drink is not for me. Can't control myself from binge drinking the stuff. Can't be good for my health and liver. Expensive waste of money.

[@homuraakemi4559]

I'm not autistic (as far as I know) but ive been interested as a drug nerd how drugs effect particularly autism and schizophrenia. Do you have any experience with hallucinogens?

[@michaelfreydberg4619]

3:00 in or so. Drinking didn’t help me. I only made a fool of myself.

[@madelinesmith9282]

I loose all my masking and my friends lol

[@jamesmckean3221]

"If I drink, me anxiety goes away" - Dana Andersen.

[@MichaelBerry-yr9ev]

Alcohol to autistic's is like wd -40 on seized up ball bearings!😂

[@Alf258]

i always made a joke that when i drink i behave like a high functioning neurotypical 😂 .Like ...i need some brain cells to die to connect with other people . I figure out that my body doesn't do well with alcohol thought so i don't drink anymore .I kind of missed it when my drunk self behaved like a sober neurotypical ,my masking was perfect. Now its not so well but i would rather stay sober .I tend to put on weight when i drink and it affects my exercise routine .

[@sidimightbe]

I stim way harder and I yell out words and whaaas more than normal