Avoidant Attachment Style & The 5 Levels of Closeness

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Күн бұрын

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@SK-no2pp 3 ай бұрын

Avoidants may engineer romantic pseudo-relationships in their lives that enable them go a long time without having to deal with the realities of real daily intimacy, conflict resolution, and the dangerous feelings of dependency this can incur. This pattern only entrenches their habits and prevents them from learning vital relationship skills. You feel you’re in a “relationship” but in real life, they are not physically present tending to you in times of sickness, attending events by your side, or even doing mundane chores next to you. The illusion of intimacy is created without real life

@777-h6n Ай бұрын

True

@GeoffreyAngapa 3 ай бұрын

I think I'm comfortable with different levels, either close, balanced, or even more distant is all right. But fluctuating from one end to the other puts one in a tangle.

@anzelaiv 3 ай бұрын

Yes, same.

@GeoffreyAngapa 3 ай бұрын

@@anzelaiv Flexibility.

@angelikimarou8083 2 ай бұрын

Things are simple. In order for you not to become an anxious attacher, do not date the avoidant. Find a secure one...to be happy. If the avoidant becomes secure on his own...ok...proceed. If not...run

@suziesmith9076 3 ай бұрын

Omg this explains my relationship issue perfectly, can you do a video on how to create more closeness please

@gamergirlmars 3 ай бұрын

Wow this makes so much sense now I actually know where I'm at and where they are at, lol. I've never heard this explained like this but I appreciate the mathematic approach to this with level numbers as an autistic individual.

@johnkaiser6710 3 ай бұрын

My experience is we went to level five very quickly then as my anxious severely fearful avoidant did the slow fade we went backwards to level one which is where we are now.

@gatorssbm 3 ай бұрын

Its the illusion of being close almost, happened to me too because I was unintentionally distant until I was suddenly all in and that triggered them. You wont truly be there until they feel safe to consistently be outputting that effort without secretly bottling up their fears that makes them withdraw which really sucks.

@wendydaniel1110 3 ай бұрын

Avoidants start off wanting " "unearned closeness " quickly to get you attached and feeling vulnerable.. ( pseudo level 4). Its goes downhill in a heartbeat from there into the negatives leaving you confused and hurt....Leave it doesn't get better from there .

@anzelaiv 3 ай бұрын

I wonder then, why anxious are trying to get unearned closeness? They are the ones pressing for it from day one, and taking the avoidant bate when it's there.

@likelyivy1730 3 ай бұрын

@@anzelaiv excuse me and what are the avoidants doing to earn it?

@Kinteresting 3 ай бұрын

Hahahahha when anxious and avoidants fight in personal development comments come on you guys… just get it over with and date already ☺️

@lgfish5337 3 ай бұрын

Not so sure .. about anything anymore if I'm honest, but I think either someone who would want that kind of closeness at first but then push it away, is either "FA" in the parlance of this corner of the internet, or .. well we just have to acknowledge part of anyone who's feeling insecure in a dynamic is that avoidance will come in, even for anxious appearing sorts .. whether it presents as pushing away or pulling in behaviors... Whether we're feeling trapped or people pleasing out of fear of loss, we're * avoiding * bringing our true selves to the dynamic by way of avoiding sharing our needs. So .. idk .. potato po-tah-to it's not so different from a certain angle. Idk just my thoughts lately.

@777-h6n Ай бұрын

Perfectly stated. Omg😂

@sifublack192 3 ай бұрын

Interesting, I didn't know about this. I'll have to do some more research on them.

@awerten3746 3 ай бұрын

My Ex DA and I were at level 5, now 0. He broke up almost 3 months ago since then I'm in nc...

@TechieSewing 3 ай бұрын

A lot of insight here! I consider this one of my FA flaws: I kinda only consider relationships good at level 5. And I'm not really capable fostering levels 2-3 unless those people appear in shared spaces, like in the same social media feed, at class, or in a chatroom. Out of sight, out of mind :( So I tend to have my 2 level 5, people from shared spaces, and all others drop to levels 2 and 1. I may think we are friends and all, but we haven't spoken for 5-10 years, and then I'll learn they have died.

@RubyLine 3 ай бұрын

Question, if someone (DA ex) claims that they want to rebuild trust and the relationship with you, then tells you his socialising goals for the future are those : "I need to enjoy my life now and I intend to be more sociable with my friends and family. I'm working long hours so my responses will be scarce." It doesn't add up right ? I told him that since the relationship is clearly not one of his priority atm based on what he said, he doesn't seem to have time or want to make time for a relationship, nor the willingness to invest into it. I don't understand why he even reached out in the first place. I think I reacted securely but I'm not sure ?

@BeYouTFully 3 ай бұрын

Great response

@RubyLine 3 ай бұрын

@@BeYouTFully Thank you !

@anzelaiv 3 ай бұрын

As long as you keep setting and maintaining your own boundaries and relationship goals, it doesn't matter why he reached out. You know what you want, and he ain't it.

@babandeeprathore 3 ай бұрын

Same, wanting something but then deprioritizing and giving no reason except he got lazy

@babandeeprathore 3 ай бұрын

And work is busy 🙄

@ladyofspa 3 ай бұрын

You are so so so very informative where is all this life information in one place😊??? May I add 2levels to my own closeness scale. 6. Intimacy : closeness in emotional and being sexual sensual AND sharing your inner world is intimate what it feels like to be you in ways don't share with others. Spouse level. 7. Not only personal but Your Private and secret self that no one knows Fully being known. ❤❤❤

@777-h6n Ай бұрын

My Avoidant friend started off so hyper sexual and still is. I put my boundaries up. So weird😂

@garyforbes8711 3 ай бұрын

Is it possible to start at Level 0, then go back into negative numbers ?? lol

@yellowtheresunshine 3 ай бұрын

😂

@wendydaniel1110 3 ай бұрын

😂😂😂. Yeah!!! Avoidants start at 0 and go backwards from there...

@ikigaiinmotion3253 3 ай бұрын

lol I relate 😅

@SK-no2pp 3 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

@anh1192 3 ай бұрын

So true 😅🥴

@babandeeprathore 3 ай бұрын

He didn’t want responsibility and to make an effort in dating

@movementfromwithin4083 3 ай бұрын

Is it ok to bring up attachment styles with your partner? I have been doing the work to get myself to a more secure place and I’ve noticed that my partner is more on the avoidant side. To the point when I asked him to read the book ‘attached’ he denied it having any relevance to him because he hasn’t really got much to work on in relationships… he said he’s done the work.. but he has little awareness of the fact that doing the work on relationships that deeply hurt you can lead to covering and protecting the wound rather than working through it… this also showed me that he wasn’t truly invested in my healing or didn’t care enough to understand it, although I didn’t take it too personally. I’m 70% sure he is dismissive avoidant but is it worth talking to him about it? Or should I continue to work on my own healing until he becomes curious?