Reparenting

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Has reparenting work been helpful for you?

[@jessicaliebenberg2109]

It has been really helpful for me, but I tend to let it slip and then have to re-find it. Something that's really been useful for me lately is setting up a bed-time routine with my inner child, where I (try) turn of the screens, ask myself how my day has been (an emotional check-in that I never had as a kid) and then we've been reading James and the Giant Peach (out loud) together. I look forward to the next video and some further suggestions and approaches for how to keep connecting!

[@marymcnamara3706]

@@jessicaliebenberg2109 what a lovely idea!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

@@jessicaliebenberg2109 Love these ideas!

[@lascosasporsunombre8991]

@@jessicaliebenberg2109 as I am starting this I take times, like every four hours a day to tell my self inner kid to tell him I love you, until he listen to me. Since I ahve been really abused psychologically from my "dad" who is mostly psychipath, it´s kinda diffficle because my inner voice is really violent. So I do it everyday, every four hours even if I have work or I am in the street or doing domething, take time and find any reflecting surface and tell him "I really love you". I believe it is like a pill for an illment, I´m waititng for my inner child to answer me. to separate the innver violent voice from another voice who is compassionate and afraid at thwe same time.

[@conniejarrett3997]

@@jessicaliebenberg2109 Yes, this is a great idea. I might try this for getting up in the morning to get ready for work. I tend to rush and stress but if I was doing this as if i was coaxing my inner child (or inner teenager!) out of bed, my morning will be a lot more peaceful. Thanks for a great idea.

[@karensuewalker3594]

Great information -- When I cried as a child, my mother told me to stop or she'd "give me something to cry about." Not surprising I have emotional regulation issues as an adult. #5 - I vacillate between getting nothing done and pushing myself too hard--I don't seem to know how to balance it.

[@tuxedoneko9837]

Ditto

[@SaraMCap111]

Same :( I’ve had identity issues because I spent all my time aligning to people around me instead of myself. My mom’s emotions took up all the space in the house so no room for me as a kid.

[@la381]

Same

[@la381]

THIS IS WHY MOST PEOPLE SHOULD BE FORBIDDEN TO RAISE CHILDREN.

[@JamieR]

I guess it was my dad who did it on my end. So hard to find balance, yep. Did you do reparenting exercises? Very curious if you got any positive changes from it

[@natasaprot1811]

Ask yourself these five questions: 1. Do you believe you are allowed to have needs? 2. Do you validate your own emotions? 3. Do you have tools to regulate your own emotions? 4. Do you have negative self- talk? 5. Do you have reasonable self-discipline?

[@rabbitwho]

almost 10 years ago i remember learning that anger and sadness are valid emotions and it was ok to have them and i still haven't managed to internalize that completely, at the beginning i just dismissed the idea outright, 10 years trying to accept that! I do think having another person or people to confirm this stuff accelerates the process a lot, the fact is most people in our lives will be uncomfortable with us being sad or angry, especially as we tend to end up around people who have similar attitudes to us, so it's constantly being reinforced unless we find someone who has done this work on themselves, like a counsellor. Everyone else will either try to get away from us, try to calm us down, or try to cheer us up, and so reinforce the idea that unpleasant emotions are not ok.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Yes, thank you for your insightful comments. We have a vast society who feel those emotions are not acceptable, and finding a guide or counselor can be super helpful! Wishing you health and healing, Barbara

[@alizaghimire743]

Growing up alone without my parents I was always suppressing my emotions. I remember once I cried for an hour thinking someone would soothe me and my mom would come and take me with her. That someone would love me. No one came. I was crying loudly so that they would hear and bring my mum but nothing happened. I still remember that moment and tears instantly roll down my eyes. You have your parents but you don't have them this feeling is so hurtful. I cried for an hour and shut myself because no one came. That's why I have so many issues as an adult. I can't function like an adult and it frustrates me the rage and irritation can't get over me. I can't stand my mum and dad and although I love them, I always tend to fight and hate them. I feel disgusted living in the same house with them.

[@ryarya3291]

my mother never prepared me to become autonomous, I am 60 today and still can't take care of myself!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Never too late to empower oneself and make the changes to get where we want! Wishing you health and healing, Barbara

[@rubazynb]

Thank you so much😇❤😊 My mother would always tell me to shut up whenever I was crying.She even slapped me at night when I was coughing because it annoyed her.

[@coffeebreak4108]

This is one of the best channels KZbin hosts. Thank you, Barbara! ❤

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Why, thank you for saying so! ❤

[@mosim9691]

Have this video on "loop." Trying to get unstuck! Appreciate this video!

[@hayleypflug7384]

This was so informative! On a journey of reparenting, some days are better than others.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad you found it helpful! And how wonderful that you are on this journey :)

[@Lifecpsych]

Great content, keep doing the great work. Remembering one good thing each day Having things to look forward to Finding absorbing hobbies Thinking about your purpose in life Having a plan and tasks for each day Keeping a reflective journal

[@mariamkinen8036]

I'm pretty skilled at looking after myself . Mum left out for errands n I told her : it is ok to come home , I'm finished with doing up the house. Mum was aged at the time . Our f ather was the " plague" . TY.

[@esgara8446]

Thank you for sharing a great video! I can relate to this so much. It took me decades to realize that I was a parentified child.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

I hope the video is helpful!

[@anandaceramicart6951]

Thanks so much for your work!

[@AlCat0027]

Wow, this is a great video! Such helpful information and I love your delivery of it. You’re so easy to listen to. I needed to hear all of this. 💗

[@junea.sierra6691]

Thank you so much for this. ❤

[@mariamkinen8036]

Tomorrow . I love your analyses . No needs.

[@deekum6557]

Questions start at around 7:35

[@nanamim2356]

Thank you. This video really helpful.I'm on reparenting . I have no idea how secure attachmemt look like.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

I'm pleased it was helpful.

[@karenkrogsgaard]

Thank you for putting this so clear. My answer to all the five questions is no!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are welcome. I hope the questions are helpful to contemplate... stay tuned for next week'd video with more ways to move forward!

[@baby.goblin]

I have been on this journey for a while.. and really have to start taking it seriously so I can accomplish basic tasks and much more… thanks for this content

[@katematsson2562]

Your videos are great, Barbara! What an awesome resource, thank You!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you so much for letting me know!

[@tuxedoneko9837]

All 5 😯😬🙄 Definitely in need of reparenting. Slowly getting there, thanks to you and therapy. Btw, if you ever write a book, I would buy it in a snap. That's how helpful you have been. Ty

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi Ty: Thank you for letting me know! One of these days, I may get around to writing a book :). I'm so pleased the videos have been helpful. Wishing you health and healing.

[@Buildontalk]

@@BarbaraHeffernan 💖

[@marymcnamara3706]

Thank so so much, Barbara, for another very helpful video! As always, much food for thought, and I think the idea of reparenting is very empowering.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad it felt meaningful for you! Yes, I believe the concept is empowering (more on that next week! 😃)

[@color2066]

Love all the great work you do, Barbara. You really have helped me so much. I use all the tools you provide, and I just wanted to express my sincere appreciation. Thank you so much

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Wow, thank you for letting me know. Means a lot to me.

[@maryngoma5734]

Wow thank you

[@GanyLil]

Thank you so much! So much information and resources

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are so welcome!

[@farinafan7464]

Barbara! U r beautiful and calm soul❤

[@matteo_m20]

Very useful, thanks!!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Glad it was helpful!

[@abdirahmanhashi7949]

It sounds very interesting. Thank you very much.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you for watching! Hope it is helpful.

[@erinheilman9258]

Great content. I do have a complaint about the visual quality of the video, though. There were too many visual cuts and transitions. It was distracting.

[@KimberlyBenkner]

Where do I find the PDF about core beliefs, and how to change them?

[@miremkaya]

thank you ♥️✨

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You’re welcome 😊

[@MrSuperbluesky]

Thank you

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You're welcome. Best wishes for health and healing.

[@jayjunior7633]

How does one get over the hurdle of a fear of counselling whether self-counselling or otherwise?

[@BluegillGreg]

Yep, it's not about the parents, it's about the present. Like Napoleon Dynamite and his bud Pedro, we need skills.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Yes, exactly!

[@stephanierosario5615]

Thank you 🙏🏽 very very helpful❤️

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are so welcome!

[@nikkiinn3165]

Thank you. I would need to have this information in Korean and Spanish would be a good idea.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi: Yes, that would be wonderful. I am not able to translate material at this time... but perhaps one day! Do you work in this field?

[@Lyrielonwind]

​​@@BarbaraHeffernanI used to work in the field of translation but it's been a while since then. I worked English- Spanish. You vocalize ( Transatlantic English, in my opinion) so clearly and calming is a joy for someone to listen to for those who have English as a second language 😊.

[@mariamkinen8036]

It was not ok to cry or laugh at our home . Except for the head of the house. ( hitler)

[@la381]

My mother stole me from my father and stepmother when I was 2 years old by ABUSIVELY manipulating EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE BY THREATENING MY FATHER, AND SHE USED HER SAME ABUSIVE MANIPULATIONS TO TORTURE ME AND IGNORED MY NEEDS AS A BABY AND TODDLER AND CHILD SINCE THEN...... THE THINGS SHE SAID AND DID TO ME ARE SOOO SHOCKING AND ARE CONSIDERED CRIMINAL .... WHAT MAKES HER SOOO PSYCHOPATHOLOGICAL IS HOW METHODICALLY, HOW SECRETIVELY AND HOW CONNIVING SHE WAS IN HER METHODS.... AND it took me over 50 years to TRULY BLAME HER AND PUT 100% RESPONSIBILITY SQUARELY ON HER SHOULDERS, AS THOSE WERE HER INTENTIONS TO RITUALISTICALLY ABUSE AND TORTURE AND K_LL ME...........SHE INTENTIONALLY ABUSED ME RITUALISTICALLY AND PURPOSEFULLY FOR HER OWN PSYCHPATHOLOGICAL GREEDS....... EVER SINCE I REALIZED THIS , I HAVE FANTASIZED ABOUT ST_BBING HER TO DEATH IN SELF DEFENSE.....IT'S TOO BAD SHE DIED YEARS AGO ON HER OWN ACCOUNT. .... EVERY DAY I WAKE UP DREAMING OF AND WISHING TO ST_B EVERY SINGLE FAMILY MEMBER WHO ABUSED ME AND NEGLECTED ME AND IGNORED ME AS A CHILD. ..... I FIND THAT RATHER EMOTIONALLY EMPOWERING AND MY THERAPIST AGREES IT'S A GOOD THING TO IMAGINE ST_BBING THEM BECAUSE I AM FEELING MY OWN FEELINGS AND FINDING MY OWN VOICE AND MY OWN PATH THIS WAY...AND NOT BEING MANIPULATED BY OTHERS WHO WANT ME TO FORGIVE AND FORGET BECAUSE IT MAKES THEM FEEL BETTER.....FCK OTHER PEOPLE IS WHAT MY THERAPISTS HAVE TOLD ME.... ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE SO PLEASE EXCUSE TYPOS...