Becoming Functional Again After Narcissistic Abuse

Abuse and trauma greatly reduce your brain functioning. Maybe you’ve noticed that you now have difficulties managing your life after abuse. In this video, I’m going to talk about executive functioning skills, which is basically how you get stuff done. I’ll let you know what these are (and you’ll likely notice that you have some challenges with these skills). Then I’ll give you 7 powerful ways to get functional again so you can avoid the anxiety, frustration, panic, paralysis, procrastination and overwhelm.
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
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[@shredder75]

It took me 4 years of Meredith's guidance in addition to good local therapy to get back on the horse of life, and 6 months of no contact to clear the cognitive dissidence. Any new interactions deeply affected my executive function. Some may say it can never happen to them, but I was on top of my game when we met, a CEO, and successful in many areas of life; and in the end, was nearly homeless, jobless, and penniless. Please don't let the narc elevator take you to the basement, you can get off on any floor. A key turning point was when I took self responsibility and learned to self love. Keep fighting the good fight Meredith!

[@FinalBoys1982]

shredder75 I hear you. I can totally relate and feel your pain. I made the great decision to go back to school in my 30s and graduated from Columbia this year. I made the poor decision of dating this guy who was a narc. He caused so much confusion and drama that I ended up going from extremely driven top of my class at Columbia to jobless graduate with low self esteem. He left me right before I graduated when I was also having some family problem since my twin brother needed help with escaping from a cult and was suicidal. I needed help to cope with all of this and instead he left me. I’m slowly recovering and my brother as well. I reconsidered all my friendships. This is the hardest thing I’ve done. It’s like climbing a mountain almost being able to see the top then all of a sudden a snow storm catches you and throws you all the way down to the bottom. I just discovered Meredith. Your positive comment made me want to look more into her channel. Hopefully this will help more than anything I’ve been trying in the last 6 months.

[@manasinishchay3475]

Resonates completely with my experience :-) Best wishes to all good people on planet earth :-)

[@nakedglass]

@@fairskylls4266 happens the other way around too. Genders aside, it's really bizarre that there are people out there wired to do this to others.

[@missellenmartin4152]

Oh man 4 years, that’s a long time. Do you have CPTSD? How incredible you’ve come so far! Abuse destroys the brain, it’s so hard to describe to people who have not experienced it. You can’t just be yourself, or do something you love or want, it’s like the brain connectivity is gone/destroyed and you’d have to rebuild that foundation from scratch, learning how to be human again. Thank you for sharing your story 💜 encouraging

[@shessoheavy6130]

Powerful story. Thanks for sharing.

[@myfuturepuglife]

It sounds like you're talking about me. Overwhelmed, unorganized, low energy and barely holding down a part time job that I don't enjoy. I'm going to try these. Thanks so much!

[@moirosalina]

Same here. Except I love my parttime job and still can't concentrate.

[@sky2461]

The first year after leaving nex all I could do was watch Netflix and go to counseling. Now in the second year I can at least start thinking about getting back into projects, though not yet organized.

[@Angelamar819]

Learning and growing everyday. Its all making sense now. And I was not going crazy. ❤

[@trance212]

❤️❤️

[@elhadjdiallo633]

You are not crazy at all ....the narcs are making you look crazy to have they power back .. You are more than enough sister!!!!! That's the reason why so many people are stucked , confused, puzzled they have no clue how to move on with they lives !!!! Stay away from toxic people !!!!!

[@elhadjdiallo633]

Not at all !!! The narc made you feel that way !!!!! You're more than enough baby girl !!!!!

[@dellamarie4650]

I was completely wrecked and frozen after the abuse.

[@elhadjdiallo633]

Sorry baby you have been trough alot !!!! I wanna let you know that you are more than enough !!!!! Stay away from narcissist and toxic people!!!!!...

[@dellamarie4650]

@@elhadjdiallo633 ❤️ Thanks 😊

[@caron4725]

I was so caught off guard with the covert...hidden narc...I'm in shock and can't believe I was played...

[@dellamarie4650]

@@caron4725 recovering from Narcissistic abuse can be so hard. My only suggestion is to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal.

[@elhadjdiallo633]

Like wise sweetheart !!!!!!! After narcs abused you will feel deffective , corrupt, tarnished , unlovable, unworthy etc!!!!! Stay away from toxic , delusional , vicious , malicious and wicked folks they have problems for every solution !!!!!!!!!! Don't get me wrong i love people with all my heart ❤ i have learned to love them from a distance because you don't know what they're doing behind close doors or behind the scene !!!!!! We're enough baby !!! Take care of yourself and stay away from anything that poison your mind , soul and body !!!

[@JimKJeffries]

Going through my house, top to bottom, purging, cleaning organizing (1 time annually, no more than twice)...going for walks, while listening to classical music (more effective than any antidepressants)...listening to podcasts while doing mindless tasks (I think of it as hanging out with healthy folk on top of their game)...started bicycling everywhere, always wanted to be that guy anyways...using a weekly & monthly white board (but don't get lost in planning, many use this like procrastination)...make a video where you coach yourself up, for you to watch later (you can be & will be your greatest coach)... be healthy, good sleep, exercise (not perfection but progress)... cook for yourself (cooking is an art that requires practice & your worth it)...go participate in activities that involve other people, for me Masonic lodge, Rotary, mentoring, hang out with friends (too much self isolation)...sit with the feelings, I give myself time to do nothing but focus on whatever I am feeling (it was our unresolved traumas that helped us to be so tasty for these cluster b monsters)...love the isolation tank, most folk are magnesium deficient, poor absorption through gut but great through skin (the salt in the tank keeps us floating & is magnesium, feels awesome)...I took on mowing 5 acres as a part time job, so I could walk in the grass barefoot, wonderful stuff.. & most importantly know that everything that made you wonderful, all the great you gave away, is limitless (so no body took your best, & if you allowed another to unlock your best, awesome, now start doing it for yourself. Talk gently to yourself, and know you are loved.

[@mosim9691]

Thanks, Jim!

[@luv2dancesalsa]

I really love that you walk in grass... what a great idea! We all deserve to unleash the love we have inside UPON OURSELVES... it seems like we can't do it... and we struggle with it... so using Meredith's idea about checking off tasks IS great... making the bed, brushing your teeth... these things DO IMPROVE our love for self. Enjoy... you've got a great master life plan!

[@Sun_Henry_Connie]

Your comnent is an awesome comment Jim, thank you for sharing with us.

[@StephaniRoberts]

Love this! I’m doing many of the same things for the same reasons. You expressed it perfectly!! 🙌🏼💖🎯

[@crystalshadesoflightworker]

jim jeffries I truly loved reading this. Thank you for sharing! Blessed Be 🙏🏻❤️

[@stephere5345]

I needed this video today. Before narc abuse, I was on top of all of my tasks and so motivated. My house was spotless. Since I left the narc three years ago, I crumble at surprise stress and have symptoms that are close to adhd: unable to focus, hard time remembering things, easily distracted and flaky, and overall just not focused and motivated. Anyway, great advice. Thanks!

[@InnerIntegration]

These executive function skills are also impaired in ADHD (and autism) so that’s why it looks similar when you suddenly develop an issue using these skills after abuse.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Interesting.

[@Sun_Henry_Connie]

@@InnerIntegration I have adult ADHD, but I I've always been reliable and able to tackle a project when needed but since my life was pulled out from under me, I haven't come back all the way in that area. I am not very reable and have learned to limit my commitments to as few as possible, I just can't trust myself to keep them. I see some evidence that I'm improving though. I really appreciate you because your understanding of what i'm going through is healing. 🌸🌸🌸

[@maya9685]

I dont even have the mental energy to think of organization let alone doing it

[@nessauk2786]

Maya, me neither but its getting easier.Have you just come out of a toxic relationship? I have.

[@maya9685]

@@nessauk2786 my whole life been a toxic ride 😏

[@nessauk2786]

@@maya9685 thats ok use your experiences to deny toxic people consideration in the future.Im not great at this myself but we can get there my friend you are worthy x

[@qimzel]

I've been doing this for a while without really knowing why, because it's not that I actually forget everything.. Now I understand why.. Also, that feeling of panic when there's 2 things in 1 day is soooo relatable! Also already being anxious about something I need to be ready for in the late afternoon already at 8 in the morning.. Thank you!

[@theresistance3818]

Thank you for sharing ...you have no idea how comforting it is to know that I am not the only one going through this

[@catherinaespinoza]

🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️ I feel this, too. So good to know that I'm not alone 🤗

[@betsyrossispissedoff4259]

I've been out of work for over 2 years, a first in my adult life. Following being terminated from a very toxic ,abusive job environment. That caused me to have to give up my home, and moved in with my covert Narcissistic bf who suddenly became just extremely mean, verbally and mentally abusive with lots of gaslighting. His doing that caused me to have flashbacks of my narcissitic father. Just too much CPTSD all at once. For the first time in my life, I have been floundering! I so needed this video, Thank you so much

[@nightowl2481]

I’m going to listen again, I need this so bad. I’m gonna take a shower 🤗

[@elhadjdiallo633]

I urge you to take bath instead shower trust me you will feel much better than .. Narcs are dangerous , delusional, and toxic ....yall gotta run for y'all lives before its too late ......abuse can destroy anyone life .....stay awy from toxic people they have problem for every solution !!!!!

[@elhadjdiallo633]

What have you been waiting for all these years .... Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering in this universe!!!

[@emilyloucks5907]

Ugh this made my eyes tear. 🧡

[@elhadjdiallo633]

Oh what were you waiting for all these years !!!! Love yourself baby ok..... Take care of yourself and be well.....

[@elhadjdiallo633]

Well what have you been waiting for for all these years !!!! I hope you're ok now !!!! I wish you well ....take care and stay away from toxic delusional , vicious , malicious,and eradicate them at all cost !!!##

[@jeffreysherman8224]

I've never felt the kind of love you bring to me. It's life-changing. I often cry while listening to you. (Like I am now 😢) I love you so much and I thank you with the deepest gratitude from my heart. I'm sending _you_ a big hug. ❤😊❤

[@sarahspencer9360]

I'm so glad you mentioned this. It is the absolute worst. I had no idea this was part of this.

[@kimbrown4998]

Ditto, me too

[@Gnomesaying315]

This video is full of goodness. It has been five years for me and I think i'm doing great sometimes but then I fall down and Im right back to being depressed, lost and hopeless. I'm going to be getting a journal and writing down my thoughts at the current moment I have them. Even if it is just one word. I've never really journaled before but I've heard it helps with this type of trauma.

[@loishendricks9720]

I was literally asking myself what I had gotten done after a recent day of confusion. This is exactly what I’m looking for right now. Thank you so much.

[@missxlegion7516]

I think mine died about three years ago, I look back and wonder how I use to do so many things, include run a house and work!! Now!! I can't even go to the weekly shop!! . . Xx

[@pelona6969]

I use to be an administrator for a residential care facility and stopped working 4 years into my relationship with my narc it’s been 3 years since I stopped working because he use to be so jealous of all the people around me, every morning he would find something to start a fight and my day would be horrible I couldn’t give a 100% at my work I feel this brain heaviness he would find something from my past to throw it on my face and I would start shaking that I felt like I was poisoned or intoxicated and I feel so cripple I can’t explain there were days were I couldn’t even walk he would ignore me for up to 2 or 3 weeks. Then I got my real estate license and he manages to sabotage every time I want to go to the office and I end up not going. I can’t thank you enough because I had no idea what a monster is next to me. I’m preparing myself mentally and financially to leave him because I’m still at the point where I can see the exit door but I can’t move 😭

[@Mike-xt2lh]

Reminds me of my ex she was & is the very same way . She would do those exact same things to sabotage my life and her flying monkeys would help 😫. Glad I'm not the only one experiencing this . Have a great day ! PS she was very jealous,super judgemental,envious of everything I do .

[@pelona6969]

Mike thank you Mike for your reply. I’m so glad I found this videos, I’m not sure how long is going to take me but I know I’ll be free from he’s games forever.

[@Mike-xt2lh]

@@pelona6969 No worries going through something similar so I can relate .

[@grayrockaroundtheclock9937]

Automation like this is the only way I survived grad school. I'm trying to get back to it now. This video was a great reminder for me to get going with it.

[@tonimitchell5863]

I have STRUGGLED SO HARD for almost a whole year being able to get anything done because I have had no energy, ZERO motivation, and felt literally frozen inside about how to go about integrating back to everyday productive life. I haven’t been able to work as my CPTSD and anxiety have been so terribly debilitating....but the reason the anxiety has been so bad is because I have all this stuff I should do or need to do and I haven’t done it bc I haven’t been clear headed enough to plan and hold myself accountable. This video was the catalyst for me to begin to get back into a routine: I had to move back in with my mom when my abuser discarded me, and have dealt with so much guilt and shame and condemnation from the inner critic about how I’m not able to progress in life and only digressed. And my family is so judgemental and offer no help or compassion... I’m about 80% sure the majority of my family (father for sure, brother possibly, grandma for sure, 1 aunt for sure) have some sort of cluster B issues going on, so the lack of empathy is definitely there. Thank you Meredith for these videos and this one mostly because I’ve finally been able to have some hope and seeing the light at the end of this disgustingly dark tunnel.

[@kristalnaomi]

Hi how are you doing now?

[@mikaylajbmartin]

❤️❤️

[@jelw3197]

1 Calendar 2 Daily “to-do list” 3 Organized space 4 Planning place 5 Meal planning 6 long-term goals 6month+ 7 Yoga & Meditation

[@redbones6046]

"Someday isn't a day of the week" that's money right there

[@battlehymnoftheempath3610]

This is what people really need-they need to understand the "how to" of how to get better. Otherwise, we become a cult of narc haters-never wanting to improve ourselves for the better.

[@anthonyhughes8026]

I've been using Narcissism Abuse self-help channels for some weeks...and this is the most immediately useful I have seen. Respect to you from a fellow healer. Thank you.

[@franciscoramirezespanagarc7974]

Thank you so much for this video. When I was under narcissistic abuse I made many bad decisions that affected many people. I’ve been feeling guilty for many years. You’ve helped me understand that I did those things because my brain wasn’t working properly. My true self never would have done such things. Now I can let the guilt go.

[@hansdonet8875]

I would suggest a book “Get things Done” David Allen... You will find a system that works and it will be for the rest of your life with you as one “lesson learned” .

[@Chanokh]

:(.... I was in a web of narcissist control (federal) Work, home... I lost my family, car, home, and job... I’m like really scared of opening up to new relationships... I was so successful... I was a power lifter and an over achieving employee... I kept it so simple... yet so eloquent... I don’t know what to do anymore...

[@elhadjdiallo633]

You're sooo furtunate........may allah bless us all........Ameen .......narcs have ruined many lives in this universe!!!!!!!!!

[@elhadjdiallo633]

Well, please pray to allah and ask him to grant you all your heart desire etc ,!!!!! May allah grant you , i and all the people that existed in this universe!!!!!Ameem!!!!!!

[@hellofromhannah8663]

Thank you so much. I am blown away at how much my brain function has declined now that I've "woken up" to the abuse I've been subjected to for years. Your work is so impactful. I'm very grateful.

[@ellengrace4609]

Wow! This is an extremely clear and well-organized video on time-management, self-discipline, healthy habits, and motivation for focusing and accomplishing goals large and small. Anyone can benefit from these specific strategies and your presentation of the information is so soothing - not at all overwhelming considering how comprehensive it is. I’m going to watch this again and again. Thank you, Meredith, for this video and for all you do to help people! ❤️🙂

[@lileelisamc.4722]

these are concepts that I strive to to teach codependents that I have mentored. In addition to organization, I believe that simplification and minimalization also help protect us from outer chaos. I also believe that our outer chaos can be indicative of our inner disorganization and vice versus...both effect the other. As a "recovering" empath and codependent, I find that disordered/addicted people work very hard to keep us distracted, off point, focused on them, their chaos, their drama and distract us from our own tasks at hand. They do not want us to be functional and would prefer that we wrap ourselves around their disorder. If they can keep us distracted perhaps we might not see the truth of what is really going on. I have seen this in marriages, families, work places, and other social constructs. On the flip side, I do want to mention that, while I was married to an alcoholic, I thought that being meticulously organized would make the elephant in the room disappear. If was my way of coping with my own internal angst about the situation and thinking that if I controlled everything the abuse and drinking would stop. The only thing you can do is focus one's own self, stay firm in what you are trying to achieve and accomplish and have good boundaries around yourself, your time, and others.

[@gemooni178]

💗

[@lucypevensie619]

OMG sister! I so relate! PTSD is real! before him I had a different type of toxic relationships, pretty much throught my whole life, but besides my dad, this one has been, by far the most confusing, consuming, destructive one, in the love bombing stage, we had so much energy, all the dopamine, endorphins and other neurotransmitters were kicking in, but as the so called relationship went on I started to spend so much energy, that at the begining of this year I was already exhausted, but I continued to do exercise some weeks, 7 days! it was until I started getting injured that I paused and started to finally go deep as my therapist had been telling me from the begining, I could not think straight, and I became sick internally, could not concentrate, nor remember what was I doing a minute prior, my faith, therapy and these videos have been such a blessing, I believe God put these when i needed them the most, I was all over the place, and recovery has been really hard, because I was in denial for so long, finally the truth is slowly sinking in. My whole being is crying out for a reset! it's a process, no more pressure needed, just one day at a time until we become whole again, or for the first time and on! Im forever so grateful for this channel

[@mandyporras07]

I completely relate to what you said. I really thought since i wasn’t in the relationship anymore i would be different. I wasn’t completely sure this was a ptsd thing. That it continued.

[@nadiacavallini4728]

Funny, this morning I woke up and said to myself...I need a whiteboard...watching you is confirmation to get one! Thanks for the tips...it’s very hard to get back to my normal self again. It’s only been 3 weeks since I dumped a narc client I endured for 3 years. Then again, I still have to deal with toxic / narc coworkers. Setting simple goals for me right now is more realistic, but I definitely have some big goals. Thanks again 🙏

[@liz.217]

A great whiteboard hack is a picture frame. Got mine at dollar tree. Can personalize paper under glass/plastic into calendar, lists, what ever you need.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

You are going to go from this into a better situation narc free!

[@tiffanycherry6483]

I know exactly what you mean. I am surrounded by Narcs at work and it feels so hard to get out. I feel like my brain is so damaged and I am struggling trying to heal it. Finding another job feels so overwhelming however I will do it. This video is a big help. Things will get better soon!!

[@Hawelufamily]

I have noticed with me, that my creativity has suffered and I started to procrastinate after my narcissistic ex husband moved out 5 weeks ago. I’m getting better but I have projects for the holidays that I haven’t even started yet and usually I’m already getting things done in October. I feel guilty about that. Also I don’t eat well and have lost 11 pounds. I just didn’t know the hell I was going to go through compared to the abuse.

[@InnerIntegration]

It sounds like you’re doing really well only 5 weeks out! It’s normal that you aren’t doing everything like normal this holiday season so remember to give yourself a break too, you’ve been through a lot. For those tasks that you really want to get done, I’m sure the calendar and to do list will help and also chunking down the bigger projects into step by step tasks.

[@Hawelufamily]

@@InnerIntegration Thank you Meredith for all your help. I have immersed myself into your teaching and it has helped a great deal. I watch a video everyday and sometimes a few a day. I think you are an awesome person. Keep them coming.

[@uppercut147]

Love this. After successfully getting out of a romantic (ha!) relationship with a psychopath, I now have a narcissistic boss. Definitely WAY less awful than the "relationship" I was in, but still exhausting and frustrating. My boss got hired by HR after I'd already accepted the job, so I hadn't gotten a chance to meet him before accepting. If I had met him first, I would've smelled the narcissism from a mile away and taken a different job lol. So thanks for this while I figure out how to get another job (I live in a new country so I'd prefer if my boss left or got fired so I don't have to mess with filing out new work visa paperwork).

[@kyliewilson2911]

Thanks for sharing this video. I have been struggling to get motivated for years. I struggle to make decisions and i suffer with confusion all day every day. I go to bed feeling exhausted but i feel like i never accomplish enough, then i beat myself up about how i should have done more. I cant arrange my tasks or money, when i do i forget or lose my note book with improtant information. I used to be very diciplined with myself but these days i don't even feel awake. My concentration is so off i lose track of what i say mid conversation and it's embarrassing and scary. This video is so reassuring because i would belittled all the time at work for my forgetfulness or lack of attention, when i could not even remember what i had did.i tell myself to be more present but i just feel exhausted from the years upon years of stress and abuse. I am going to try all your recommendations, I've downloaded everlast already. Thanks for always giving really helpful and insightful videos

[@cdc1566]

When you described the executive function, it is exactly the areas I struggle with. Your channel has been one of the most validating things in my recovery process. It seems overwhelming to think of setting up everything. I know it would be very helpful, but I procrastinate on everything, so how do I start doing this? I know that thinking is part of the problem. Part of me feels like I’m going to fail before I start with so many areas. I also have something reminding me of all the things I’ve already accomplished, so why do I still feel like there is no way I could organize my life? It starts with today. I don’t have anything I have to do, so I’ll dedicate this day to following these tips.

[@InnerIntegration]

It’s overwhelming when it’s a lot and you don’t know where to start. Imagine your whole house is a wreck. So start in one tiny corner of one room. Then move to the next chunk. Then the next. And before you know it, things will be getting back in order. Once you get things back under control you just need to work on daily maintenance so it doesn’t get back out of control.

[@sunnydaye5942]

I'm trying to get the energy to start one. Seriously I have the most important stuff on my calendar. Organizing my desk office space at the moment. My stuff has been boxed up for 2 years now. Just now finally able to make it through some boxes a day.

[@elhadjdiallo633]

You know narcs have ruined millions of lives in this universe!!!!! Cptsd , trauma , dread have almost ruined my life !!! I'm indeed so thrilled that I'm the process in the healing right now !!!!I'm gonna go back to school to do something optimistic with my life !!!!

[@leeann7007]

Spot on sister, I used to keep journals of info to help me with my future plans...one day someone took all my time & gave me none, not even for my birthday, valentines day, or even Christmas yet I always bought them gifts and sent myself broke...lol They didn't even say thank you. So have learned to never expect anything from anyone except myself! That's the Key To Freedom...Look after yourself FIRST! Then whatever you have left give it to those who give it to You! Peace and love time is precious! Get out of my Way! lol ;) Queen of Swords.

[@theresistance3818]

Thank you so much for making this video 😭 ... Everytime, I am emotionally and psychologically assaulted, it literally zaps me of my ability to function as a productive member of society, for a straight week!!! 😭😭😭 .... Which makes me feel even WORSE about myself and my life and then I get really depressed because I feel MENTALLY PARALYZED, unable to have a full thought to fruition. The physical acts of trying to feed myself or shower, require so much energy during this time, that I have to lay down and rest, immediately, after. There's nothing worse than when you have slept and slept but you still don't have any energy or productive cognitive function. I've been dealing with this my entire life, when I was a child and impaired my ability to function academically, and now as an adult to function professionally. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS - and everyone thinks and treats me as though I am a lazy, spoiled, princess, but the reality is their abuses are the reason that I am broken and struggling to survive.

[@InnerIntegration]

You’re not lazy or spoiled. You’re struggling with the very common symptoms of complex PTSD. Thank you for sharing this, I know a lot of people will relate to your experiences.

[@theresistance3818]

@@InnerIntegration ...Thank you for validating my feelings and experience, Meredith. I've never had anyone say those words to me, before. I so appreciate all the time and effort you put into making these videos. You are a light in this world of darkness 🙏🏻

[@kerrih3697]

Wow. Thank you for speaking for me.

[@koco23]

It’s been 2 weeks since my ex‘s final discard & sometimes the only thing that gets me out of bed is my therapy appointment, so this video is extremely helpful. Thank you. I know it wasn’t meant to be but I can’t stop mourning the idea of it all. After 2 years of building a life & living together & planning our entire future around our very similar dreams, I can’t let go of the immense love I had for him. He came to therapy with me on a couple occasions & we also went to couple’s therapy, where both therapists agreed he had narcissistic tendencies but probably wasn’t 100% NPD. This is making my grieving so much more difficult because it’s clear that he did love me, just not as much as I loved him. His jealousy drove us both crazy & when he gave me the ultimatum of leaving my job or losing him, because he thought any male coworker was trying to flirt with me,I said I couldn’t quit because I would lose my car & our apartment with no income & that night, all his things were gone & we haven’t spoken since. I wish I could label him as an abusive narcissist & hate him & move on with my life, but what do you do when that’s not exactly the case?

[@kevinjohnson7418]

Sounds like my story in some ways. It will take time as cognitive dissonance is probably making you see him as he was at first , the mask. We all project our values on to those around us. . Keep in mind that the reason he was so jealous is because he was projecting his values onto you . The reason he thought you were cheating is because in that situation he would have been and likely was ( you will never know ) . Also , my therapist was married , and her ex fooled 5 therapists in 10 years . So don't put much stock in what your therapist thought . They lie better than you can tell the truth

[@maryelizabeth2751]

He gave you an ultimatum to leave your job or lose him? Sounds like a total narcissist to me.

[@koco23]

Thank you all so much for your replies.! I agree with each one. & I really needed the validation during this difficult transition where I’ve been feeling very alone & at times wondered if I was the crazy one. I did recognize his insecurities as a projection & did a little searching into his faithfulness only to find breadcrumbs, but I can be sure in my heart that he simply hid the damning evidence well enough. Sometimes support from strangers is the greatest aid to my recovering soul so again, thank you 🙏

[@Sun_Henry_Connie]

Great tips. I have been single for 5 years. My life is a pile of stuff. I don't know how to sort it or plan a day because so much is high priority I can't pick one. I will make the effort to follow your advice, although when it comes to planning my day, I get a big blank or a swirl of cloudy thoughts. I really appreciate your videos Meridith. Thank you for being a powerful and positive influence and for giving me hope.

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Henry my Sun Conure Anderson This is me also. Meh.

[@Sun_Henry_Connie]

@@goodenoughgirl8102 Thank you for the comment. It is Interesting because Even though many of Meridiths tips are frequently suggested to me by family and friends, and are things i have tried, it made a difference for me when Meridith suggests them from her compassionate and experienced heart. I've been more functional since watching this video and have completed several tasks that have been on my to-do list for months. I hope it continues and I wish great progress for you too.

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Henry my Sun Conure Anderson Yes. I like this channel also. Another vid I found was Richard Grannon’s “Get Shit Done.” (Here on KZbin also). I need to get back to my inspiration (I had a spark but it just didn’t last long. Ha ha). But for the first time in my life I have a daily discipline with the dishes and never letting them pile up. And what I found was that I had to come up with a daily system that worked for me and I found that inspiration with it. The thing about narcs is the overwhelming discouragement. I saw that I needed to learn to associate something positive and fun with my mundane and tedious chores. And in those vids (2 I think about Get shit done) he also speaks on how to tackle the anxiety. And in the second one is just more practical tips. The first one is the psychology behind procrastination. My problem was having “what’s the point” so ingrained. Cuz you know with a narc nothing is ever good enough (I’ve got 2 narc parents). And yay you for getting your stuff done!! Srsly it’s soooo important to stop for a moment and just give ourselves a little credit. And yay for me. What I started doing was just recognizing what all I DID get done as opposed to what I hadn’t gotten done and always feeling rotten about it. And my to do list is a mile long besides daily maintenance. What I noticed was that I was actually doing far more than I thought I was. It takes more effort and a lot more work than we think sometimes to just maintain daily living-and we never pat ourselves on the back for it. I think maybe we should just stop and recognize that. And go yay me!! Lol. What I prob need to do is watch this one about 20 times and also Get shit done about the same. Then maybe it will finally sink in and become permanent. I think we have to find some way to tap into our creative energy. Just ya know like find our mojo with it. Lol.

[@Sun_Henry_Connie]

@@goodenoughgirl8102 Awe... Thanks for recommending the video I definitely want to watch it. Im using my phone calendar for my to-do list. Have morning routine at the top. Have things in progress next. And the mile long to-do list after that. At the end are what I accomplished. Today I spent hours going from Bank to insurance company to smog facility, to dmv. At the end of the day I accomplished: Got car smogged and registered up to date. I also am keeping track of the money I spent in the day. My To-do list is growing as I remember things I need to do. I will eventually break it out into weekly or monthly tasks or goals. For now Im feeling thankful im functioning better on a day to day basis. 2.5 Days in a row so far.

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Henry my Sun Conure Anderson Lol. Yvw. That’s great! All that running around can be exhausting. Lol. Idk if maybe a spreadsheet might work better for me but I’m looking into some way to make my lists as I have to nurse an injury for a day or two. But I can do that without getting too physical at least. The other vid also is like well, you have to get the goals on paper or screen at least, or else they are just floating around in your head all scattered. It’s a change tho as all my life it was like I just had to do what I was told etc. And I had that mentality also even when I had choices-I didn’t think I really had a choice other than what others wanted of me. Working decision making skills into it as well.

[@judithwallace2091]

Great video. I am studying attachment theory and this fits in with the "anxious disorganized". What a great gentle reminder that our executive functions are affected by stress and abuse. What excellent suggestions for caring for ourselves when we experience these challenges. Thank you Meredith, you are a gifted teacher.

[@luv2dancesalsa]

This video is VERY helpful, especially looking back BECAUSE you mention the self-care that goes out the window. Just knowing that others do flat-out stop taking care of themselves, brushing their teeth, showering, etc. means that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and, to put it simply... NORMAL. These are things that happen because it's too overwhelming to do anything. Thanks, Meredith. Great advice, ideas and suggestions.

[@turkantezcan1731]

Hi Meredith, your video was jam packed with useful information! For the past few years I've been keeping a Bullet Journal to manage my daily and long term tasks. This really helped me overcome the feeling of overwhelm! Thank you for putting the time and energy to share your wisdom with the world! Pure love and light from my hearth to yours! 😍

[@deanabee81]

I watched this a second time. I appreciate this video and you, Meredith. Most people don't understand this and why it happens. You are a source of comfort, empowerment, and offer solution we can put into practice. Thank you! ❤

[@ivanaveselikova6188]

Dear Meredith, thank you for all your peaces of advice. So valuable! I wen through hell with my mother since early childhood. She was such a devil monster, malignant narcissist. I knew nothing about that then. At the end of her life, me having taken care of her till her last day, I felt like dying, couldnn´t stay awake more than 1 hour. I felt like fainting. There was one thing that was slowly getting me back on my feet was drawing and painting. Nobody has helped me. I live in a village where my mother secured all inhabitants to be her flying monkeys. They screamed at me, giving me names .. But I have my private gallery 🍀 and took a doggie from the local shelter. Abused dog girl, scared just like me. I did understand her so much. She passed away last year. I placed a few bird feeders on my windowsills, there are so many birds around all day long. Thank you for helping us to organize our days, giving ideas, to do lists .. If I do not start early morning actively, the day is lost. God bless, Meredith, thank you so much, all the best 🌺🌺🌺.

[@user-gh9uv1zp2e]

This is exactly what I needed! This is my life right now entirely and thank you so very much for breaking it all-the-way-down. I am intelligent and don't come across like someone who suffers from the description of the types of anguish that comes with feeling so overwhelmed, not knowing where to begin (actively), procrastinating, and having trouble just focusing, etc. But I am suffering in silence and have been for some time. Yet, currently with all of it. I have embarked on many of these suggestions many times in my life and have succeeded in turning that corner, but somehow am very stuck now, yet manage to get through the day. I am not at all on the "edge of life" whatsoever, but am ridden with shame and guilt that I compartmentalize, that can overwhelm me and I never really sleep. I like the idea of "simple planning". Because I need to have a narcissistic Ex still in my life as we share a young daughter and our divorce is going on over 4 years, the pain doesn't cease. I know my only pathway to getting over this and healing, is to create my own personal pathway where I can stay on a field of green and bliss. Thank you!

[@ExquisiteKinkyCoils]

Thank you Meredith for creating this content. This content means more to me than you'll ever know. I am grateful beyond words.

[@pennyjohoc]

Oh my gosh, this is what's wrong with me, my whole life. I can't remember things, my brain s like a super highway with everything that has to be done, my family, devorce, past, everything, your right vary exhausting, so I just grab one and try to do it. It's like when I clean my house, I don't clean one room at a time, I clean the whole house at a time. This is when I get my Charley Brown mode (ARGH) and I shut down. I always say my tomb stone will say here lies penny, she she sucked at daily tasks but she loved.

[@realnursenews]

Great solutions to a problem only those who have been through this journey. Peace

[@showcasesportsnextgen9028]

I have been through hell. Still crawling my way out almost three months later. I feel for all of you who are and who have suffered. God will get us through. Bring peace Lord!

[@myrahouse2368]

He saw me out, rang me twice left messages, wrote me messages too. I was in peices he’s like all happy go lucky...

[@milacruz3970]

Thank you so much for these tips! I'm working on this with my therapist, he gave me some tips too. I also feel sad because I don't have these skills and they are so important to function in the world. I understand it's not my fault and that I can learn, but I can't help but notice how much I've missed out because of that. But better late than never!

[@fibroflash]

Wow- thank you, Meredith! So many topics you mentioned are helpful and affirming for me. This one video helped me to feel like I'm not alone in my basic struggles and to realize that I'm already doing some things right to recover- and listening gave me a boost in hope!

[@carol63ful]

I love this! I'm so glad to have found this site. OMG! I'm married to my narcissist. I have learned a lot about myself care and I have a wonderful therapist. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! It's a process. He's so good at what he does.......

[@saracahanin]

Meredith, you’re truly amazing and I have enjoyed your videos for the past 3 plus years. So very helpful to me! Thank you. Also, I love it when you speak off the notes and show your passion. The other videos which you do from notes are still wonderful, but when you aren’t using them, it just hits me in such a good way. Again, thanks for all you do!

[@electricjellyfish375]

Thank you for doing all these videos and for what you do. For sharing what you have been through and your journey of healing. It means alot.

[@emilyloucks5907]

I found you at just the right time. It's like you're in my brain, everything from start a business to hygiene habits. I used to be so regimented and I really miss myself. This is helping immediately, thanks so much for being here.

[@beckyisza]

I just LOVE you, Meredith. I've listened to many different speakers on abuse, but I find that your thoughts and ideas (and delivery) just constantly have me saying YES! YES! YES! It's the understanding, validation, and empowerment that I need, and it is helping me shut the door on this kind of person - finally, and for good - and find the power to set in motion some seismic shifts within myself that will allow me to keep hold of the reins of self-responsibility and not be afraid but proud to say "NO," loud and clear, when I need to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

[@re.natured]

Excellent advice, Meredith. As always, you’re an inspiration and a great motivator. Thank you for the work you do 💜

[@blueshoes915]

Thank you, Meredith. I really needed this video. I love how you broke this down into different categories, making it simpler to understand and not too overwhelming. I am going to do this. I recently bought Brendon Burchard’s High Performance Planner to try and work on goals and focusing on getting my life together. This video is very helpful and kind of coincides with this planner. Now I’m feeling hopeful and excited to get started. 💕

[@user-cl6uj5bn2f]

AMAZING...I feel like this video was meant for me to hear. As aways your timing is impeccable and your knowledge invaluable. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Meredith. For so long I've struggled with the disorganisation and lack of focus without any real insight as to what was going on with me. It all makes sense now.

[@NarcissisticAbuseRehab]

Fantastic message 🔥 Using technology to help navigate recovery can greatly reduce our anxiety + stress levels. Time management is a game changer ✅ These steps help us stay focused + increase our ability to replenish our energy reserves. Thanks for all you do, Meredith 🙏☀️

[@tomorrowkiddo]

This is EXACTLY what I have needed to hear. Thank you for your work oxo

[@universe2198]

Thank u Meredith. You are saving lives👍🏻❤️❤️💫💫

[@InnerIntegration]

You guys are saving your own lives but I’m glad my content is helping you in the process!

[@hansonel]

These are great tips for getting your Executive Functions functioning again after abuse and recovering from CPTSD.

[@liz.217]

This is the video I have needed for 5 years! EXACTLY the direction and explanation my broken brain can follow. Even mentioning p.a.s. to inspire getting my power back! Sincerely best video on KZbin! I can stop searching videos now, and go get started on my calendar! Thank you!!!

[@dienekesghost6132]

I can’t thank you enough for the work you do. You’ve helped me tremendously! ❤️

[@cathyfraser6524]

Meredith, this was an amazing video!! I can’t thank you enough for the advice you gave and I truly think I am going to put them into practice. Much love to you and your valuable work. I really appreciate you.

[@maddleinesim9384]

I want to say "thank you" Thank you so much for everything u do.It's the first channel about abuse that i found really helpful,i can feel this connection that i didn't feel with other youtubers,you know what you are talking about cause i guess u have been through it by yrself.I'm really glad that you are okay now and it gives me strength to live cause now i'm sure that i can handle it too

[@wildbutterfly3584]

THANK YOU SO MUCH MEREDITH!!!!! This is such valuable information & you have spelled it all out in an amazingly simple format that is easy to follow & understand...and without judgment or criticism:))))) I used to think that I had a "schedule phobia" & it was just too much to try & plan everything out, and then not be able to stick to it- so just the thought of it would give me so much stress & anxiety! I feel like I have been looking for someone to teach these skills to me since I sought out my first counselor at 11yrs old, and none of them were ever able to remotely guide me in the way you have done in this video! I have found this video at just the right time when I truly need it the most, I really can't thank you enough!!! Thank you so much again for all of the valuable information you share, you truly have a gift in the way that you explain things in a relatable & caring way *hugs* 😊 💜💜💜

[@InnerIntegration]

I’m happy that it was so helpful for you!

[@dant6542]

Thank you Meredith for an amazing video. In a half hour, you cover all the essentials for a fulfilled and successful life. I actually interrupted your presentation to go finish what I had originally scheduled to do, having veered off track, temporarily temped by your new release. Job's done, I am now free to listen fully. Personally, I need to work on #3, when I start running out of time, I let the clutter accumulate. This will be my focus this week.

[@lynettewinchester1479]

Meredith your videos are great... Thank you for what you do! I had PTSD and I really still do... I really really thought I was going to have permanent brain damage forever for over a year it was horrible I could barely function. I lost my job... I did EMDR therapy it helped significantly but still my brain did not function even close to what it did before but now my brain functions levels above what it did before I see things other people miss at work probably because of the PTSD I quickly analyze situations from 15 different angles and as a result I am supernaturally rising at work. I believe it is all God! I sold everything I owned to be with the Narcissist lost 4 years of my life and $50k!!! Now my salary is exactly $50k per year more than when I met him if that is not God I don’t know what is... but anyway I was terrified my brain would never function normally again it took a little over 2 years but do not lose hope!!! I never thought my brain would recover but it has unfortunately it took a long time. I do recommend EMDR therapy it is used on soldiers with PTSD that is how I heard about it...

[@DorianGriner]

Wonderful video. As always, most eloquent, articulate and transparent coaching. Beautiful and clear guide much needed by many souls out there recovering. Thank you Meredith ♥️🙏

[@fireballproductions6451]

I’ve worked with good therapists on the subject and this video feels to me as a next step in the right direction for me. I’m glad I found this video. So looking forward to my executive integrity. Thank you for posting!

[@jimhendricks88]

Thank you, Meredith. These are great tips, and I appreciate your insight very much. Cheers!

[@piahh8049]

Thank you so much! I didn't realize how much I needed this until now. This is great! 🙏♥️

[@cherimusser6482]

Thank you so much for this video. It has truly given me hope, healing, and direction. I appreciate all the time that you have given of yourself so that you could help others. God bless you for caring and sharing your heart.

[@TheScrapbrat]

Thank you for new ideas - you confirming what you do for yourself helped me confirm myself and new habits.

[@samire.tarcheh9651]

What a great video! Thanks Meredith, I’m using a calendar and I find it very helpful but many times I get off the track when it comes to long term projects, so I’m gonna try breaking in them into pieces. Thanks again 🌺

[@taleenarts]

Thank you Meredith. You are an inspiration and savior of sorts and I appreciate you so much. Thank you for making healig accessible to us who are frozen in time with abuse having immobilized us. Again, Thank You.

[@mgil8906]

You are a breath of fresh air. Thank You.

[@laurabfromvt6197]

This is so good and so comprehensive. I'm so grateful to learn about the brain executive function aspect of the recovery. I know my short-term memory, etc. has vastly improved over the last year or so, but I so appreciate the advice for getting motivated and more productive. I made a list of goals for November and got my weekly routine organized!

[@nephthaliecareen3242]

i thought I was obsessing too much about learning how to educate myself on healthy recovery from Narcissistic abuse but you truly deconstruct how there are so many layers to this that require attention and intention. Gracias!

[@alexiagarcia3881]

Thank you for this! I am learning so much about being raised by a narc mom and my life has been chaotic after I cut contact and moved out at 19. I’m now 23 and still trying to rebuild

[@SusieW-ku4ub]

YES!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Thank you, Meredith! The PTSD Panic is REAL. The tips you give on organization of time and work space are terrific and so very helpful. Thanks a million. 💜

[@bulkfoodintl]

Another great video, if I had scheduled my inner integration video watching I probably wouldn’t have put down the conclusion of her book in order to watch it right when it launched:-). Steps 3 - 6 really connected with me where I’m at currently. I appreciate how the steps connect to each other, how practical they are, and how they connect to her other teachings on the stages of recovery. As always I love the thoughtful preparation Meredith puts into her videos and her presentation skills are excellent. I’m going to implement the steps immediately....well...after I finish the conclusion to her book :)

[@mocalifornia6103]

🥰 Blessings Meredith✨... I L💓VE your channel and especially cuz your videos are in English and Spanish so everything I learn in English I share it in Spanish on my FB for my friends and family to see 💖 Thank you for all your hard work and caring so much about people's wellbeing 🙏🏻 I pray God keeps blessing you and giving you wisdom so you may reach many others that are still trapped with these abusive monsters 😈... 😘 I left my STBX narc after 30 years of hellish marriage and it cost me. He turned 2 of our adult girls against me, they cut me out of their lives along with my 3 older grandkids 💔 Despite that loss I gained SO MUCH!! 🥰 I moved to my hometown/neighborhood and live in a small house by myself: conflict, drama and abuse free!! 💖 🙌🏻 Thank the Lord I have never been happier or more at peace EVER in my life 😊 Not even as a child/teen because I come from a very dysfunctional addiction filled family ⏳ But life is so much better now. I finally love my life and enjoy it very much ✝️💕And the alimony he was court-ordered to give me helps a lot!! 😁💵

[@lisei.2983]

Really needed this, thanks. Struggling now but I know it's gonna be alright... 💕

[@indigospirit98]

Great video! All things I’ve done since gaining my life back 🤗😘

[@ruebenbrown2409]

Thanks for your realistic approach and understanding of this, as well as these helpful presentations, you are so exactly right about this.Right down to details, Wow! Please listen to, comprehend, apply and like this video.

[@downhomegirl5]

Wow, this is perfect timing. Thank you, I need to do this.

[@laurad1487]

A big yes all around, including night wakening and daytime lost in space. 1 month post exit abuse and barely breathing, maybe I need to write breathe on to do list

[@divinadivina2017]

Thank you so much!! I really needed this right now! ♡

[@karo1564]

Wow! Why I didn't know this before??? Since I left 3 years ago I have time managment issues... now it makes totally sense! It's better now, but I am slower in every task since then.

[@aiichadejanee]

I have a physical planner , and I have my phone calendar , writing this down is still VERY important. Time management and Organization is complete key. I understand that feeling of “running outta time” I despised that feeling.

[@Intrepid.terrestrial]

Wow I really needed this. Thank you.

[@sherrim4067]

Very powerful information to think about. I am in the beginning stages, and the sense of being overwhelmed is so strong. These 7 tips will help me so much! I have a longer commute now to work because I moved away from my narc. So time management is key and good music during my commute helps too.

[@rashidalam7420]

Untill now, I was not aware what's happening with my life. Thanks a lot 😊

[@StateOfTheAltered]

Yasssssss . To all of those things. Maybe not setting an order or numbering, for me, as everyone heals at different paces. So much love and infinite hugs.

[@loveanpeace4eva]

Sooo many great ideas for being more productive, especially during a deep depression. I am going to write a list today of short term and long term to-do's. And then a weekly schedule, including wake up times and especially ELECTRONIC'S off times. Thanks again for sharing such wonderful advice and wisdom.

[@jennydorazio6926]

I went through three different narcissistic and abusive mentally and physically relationships over a 15 year period of my life at the end of it all I ended up with four beautiful children from two separate relationships during that time but I was left feeling depressed and scattered and felt like I could no longer function....this all makes sense I had two years of counselling and I learned so much about myself....everything she talks about makes total sense and so relatable....I’m still reprogramming myself and found this video extremely helpful!