Being Stealth - FTM

Thank you all so much for watching, ilu ❤❤❤
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[@corianderwolfgangrainbeaux]

There shouldn’t be any shame in being stealth (or not)! It should be a personal decision. In 80 percent of my life, I’m out. But there are definitely places where I’m shy and quiet about it. I’m still “in process” so I imagine once I have top surgery and grow facial hair, I’ll be quieter, too.

[@Anonymous-54545]

I hope that's not your name irl because if it is, you ain't stealth

[@NotPMHarper]

I probably will never be stealth at school because I am transitioning while in school but once I am out of school and change my name and gender marker, I would definitely like to be stealth. But I've always felt bad for wanting to be stealth because of all the reasons you've named and this has really helped!

[@rensky4747]

I see a therapist tomorrow that will help me make my way to starting Testosterone!!!!

[@callumread7359]

Darren Phernetton How'd it go?

[@rensky4747]

Kathy Read it went really well!!! Thank you

[@semperfibabe]

Congrats! xD

[@emoeggboi1130]

I’m really late but I hope it went well

[@heyyyyyyok]

the world needs more stealth role models! thanks aaron!

[@jude8362]

Jae the thing is, those who are stealth won't be able to be recognised to be role models I guess..

[@sebAO301]

I love the paintings in the background, they’re awesome

[@transformations4684]

I feel like being stealth directly relates to improving social disphoria.

[@damianaugust8491]

Hi Aaron, I am totaly with you on this. If I meet new people I don't want to shove it into their face that I am trans because in most situations that is not the most important thing to know about me. If we get to know each other a little better I might be comfortable enough to tell them this part of my identity but I would never do so out of context or without a reason.

[@none4530]

I am kinda stealth like I just identify as male I never say 'trans guy" or anything like that. Hopefully once I start passing 100% of the time I can go completely stealth because I honestly don't like people knowing I'm trans because of the way they act around me. I'm fine being open about being gay, but not trans oddly.

[@Hat_mad_human]

OMG watching these videos and cannot help but think how muscley and masc you look!! its awesome and inspiring!!

[@ryanlee354]

A week or so ago I started a new job and I'm not stealth or anything, but when it comes to meeting new people I like to feel it out first and make sure they're chill. So I had to tell personnel that I'm a tran because my name hasn't been legally changed and I had to explain why everything had a different name on it also I was getting called "she" and I had to correct them. But anyway after that someone in personnel let it slip and now everyone at work knows I'm trans. I found this out because I kept meeting people for the first time and then they'd like say the wrong pronoun and then look at me to see if they got it wrong and it was just so weird... I was just told yesterday by someone that I work with that some people at work are kind of stand-offish around me because they're afraid they're gonna say something that offends me. I mean it's nice to hear that they care but I just feel so bad because they wouldn't fell like they have to walk on eggshells around me I don't get offended very easily.

[@molliegreenough2866]

I love you're shirt!! OMG!! 😻

[@jayysoul5375]

That part! Being trans is apart of you but it does not have to be a label put on yourself. My older brother gave me this wisdom years ago when I was 15. Dnt feel like you have to put a label on yourself to feel included. If u want to be out to everyone cool. If u wanna be stealth cool. That's it. Personal choice

[@mattblanchetsimard95]

Yes! Thank you! I changed schools to transition and I'm stealth (for now). I'm hoping it'll stay that way for the next two years (I'm in sec 4).

[@mattywolf95]

I'm stealth at the gym and that's pretty much it XD I'm only stealth at the gym because I don't fancy getting attacked (I don't live in the nicest if areas). I don't see the issue that people have with being stealth often it's for safety reasons ...the world's a scary place, there's bad people who do bad things.

[@unconditionallykaleb]

Y E S. All of this. Yes.

[@samfrisone1824]

having control over my personal information is a big reason i'm not out in specific groups. while changing my documents, which had to be done in person most of the time, the very first thing these strangers with power over me knew was that i'm trans (and for a while, a non-passing trans person). the next couple of things they knew was stuff like my exact age and address. it was awful, and as a result i'm much cagier about providing those kinds of personal information.

[@stupidsminkle]

For dating you may also get outed if your date showed your profile to a friend/family member in the interest of safety (i.e. knowing who they're with)

[@jasperlees8323]

Awesome to see you making videos again Aaron!

[@rai1133]

I wish I went stealth. In my middle school I’m called “it” and “that”. It’s just uncomfortable. Not to mention you get all these weird questions. I hope that when I move in late high school or collage I can go stealth.

[@mrgreenheartz5680]

100%%%% with u man. No ones business

[@colleencouch7751]

Thank you for this video. I think that you are so right in that control over different aspects of our lives is what is important. It gives us the agency to make situations about us go how we want them to.

[@WorstRescueEver]

I feel this so much. There's just a difference in how people talk to you whether they know you're trans or not. And I prefer deciding for myself who can know this and who can't. I used to think badly about trans people living stealth because I didn't have the opportunity to do that when I didn't "pass" as male yet and I was super envious of them being able to. I thought it meant they were ashamed of being trans, which means they felt shame regarding me being trans as well. Now there IS a bit of truth in that. I don't love being trans. But I understand the thought process behind going stealth better now.

[@cjohnson6357]

imo this is the best video on this topic. thanks aaron!

[@AaronAnsuini]

+C Johnson hey that really means a lot to me! Thank you!

[@jessi_starr]

This!! So much this!!! I adore you Aaron!! 🌱

[@hockeyfreek33]

Never been so happy to get a candy crush ad

[@tabocoilean6393]

I love this. Now I'm headed to listen to old podcasts since I should be sleeping and my doctor has me between meds so sleeping is hard but Aaron's voice calms me. Also got an ad!

[@pmbluemoon]

I want to move away from my town I'm going through transition in because I want to be seen as non-transferable, for the same reasons. It shouldn't matter in certain circumstances. I want to be seen and heard from comfortably, not as you say "my trans friend" all the time. Thank you for this vid! 🌱

[@lanebo8276]

YOU EXPLAINED THIS SO WELL BLESS YOUR SOUL

[@kaydanjohnson817]

I'm glad you talked about being stealth, not a lot of people do. Beacuse of the negative responses.

[@rachelmaitland7936]

Said perfectly!

[@willh7440]

Great video! Best explination ever. I really like the way you word things. It brings a rare quality of clarity to it. Can't wait to see more :)

[@AaronAnsuini]

+Will H hey thanks so much!

[@thedukeofweasels6870]

you can't win on this topic! if your stealth you're told that you are lying to people, trying to trick them, living a lie or betraying your cause. But if you're open about it they say you're shoving your lifestyle in their face, bragging about it just to get special treatment and you're probably a fake trans person doing it for attention. But I guess that's just the way haters are about everything.

[@thenovids77]

He has those earring that I want - never noticed before. Such a cool shirt too

[@crowplease]

damnmess those are plugs.

[@thenovids77]

nadnu yeah they're cool. I'd get fake plugs

[@masonmejia2709]

I completely agree with you like i dont want people to be like " wow you look so much like a guy for being a trans guy". I like to have control over how im perceived.

[@RocketBabyDolls91]

I agree! Greetings from Poland!

[@ethanchambers6930]

Well said 👍

[@Lytah84]

I love your artwork 😍

[@samweible6908]

Just love your shirt.

[@searchingforwhatever]

Well roared, lion! :-)

[@grayson9059]

I totally relate with everything in this video

[@aidenseamus4570]

currently stealth at work. I might come out but I want to get a feel for the job first. and, tbh, i don't want all the attention that people will give you once they know. all the questions, stereotypes, and dealing with just general rudeness. i'm probably going to have to soon because i'm a month on T right now.

[@ems.225]

I feel this. For me it also relates to everything else, like I don't wanna be known as primarily "Kristian's partner" or "guy who does KZbin" or "trans dude" or "cosplayer" or any just ONE thing before all others in all situations. I'm always myself, but I'm a multifaceted being - so just because some ppl don't know I'm trans doesn't mean my connection with them isn't genuine. :)

[@rainking1983]

Yes I got an Ad! ♡

[@bryntendo]

I transitioned at work too, but I had to take a few months off due to illness and obviously when I got back I looked totally different (coz T will do that, haha) so a lot of people thought I was some new guy 😂 My workplace is huge, dozens of different departments, hundreds of staff - I'm kinda mostly stealth at work. Just coz so many people never knew me as a 'girl' before so why would I change that? I'm open with my work friends who already knew, and the middle ground ones who knew me before and can see me now... I don't hide anything from them but don't go out of my way to share either, so they just have to figure it out themselves, hahah.

[@sampanetta2798]

Yes yes yes to everything you said. Also I love how you and Chase sound alike in the way you talk :')

[@TheSantanab69]

👏🏼👏🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙏🏼

[@kavitadeva]

Second time I watch this video cuz I left a comment before. I think you are so right on about going stealth I mean that's your prerogative. You're a guy and that's it. I mean there's really nothing more to say. and I really enjoyed all the different kinds of people that come up to you and what they say was really stupid and actually really rude. thanks again this was a cool video I really enjoyed it

[@lauw428]

the shirt you're wearing is awesome! Can you buy it anywhere?

[@masonmejia2709]

Thank you so much for this. Im stealth and im in jr high. Like they ask the dumbest questions and most personal questions. Like i dont like being known as the trans guy. See i dont people to be like "hey go ask the trans guy" or something like that. Its apart of me but it doesn't define me. Its no one's business.

[@dannyh7171]

Great video its very true...im stealth myself and it isn't because I don't want anyone to know im trans its just don't want it to be top of topic...your right ppl dont get to know you...yes

[@pawzplanet]

I was meant to go stealth when I started 10th grade, but when my friends talked about sharkweek I accidentally layed in a comment and agreed with someone who complained about it and lets just say they were surprised, they didnt even know, which kind of made me happy

[@climber5139]

Is the cat design on your shirt one you made? I love it and wish I could get it on something!!

[@andyhobbz6799]

I prefer to be 'stealth' with people I'm not close with because a lottttt of assumptions are made once they know (in the workplace is the biggest place I'd like to be stealth with people I frequently interact w/ but everyone seems to find out anyway because people are gonna fuckin talk). This one girl at work saw my legal name and was like IS THAT YOUR DEAD NAME (I don't think of my legal name as 'dead' but said yes just to not have to explain anything) -- This girl now assumes so many things about me: That I am political, have PTSD, care about the news, hate Donald Trump, and the list goes on. None of those things are correct. I quit paying attention to politics because they just piss me off (no matter how well spoken a president is, they're controlled by people with $$$$ and thus don't get the shit done they say they will. Trump is a shitty person, but I don't hate him because I don't pay attention or think shit would be terribly diff with anyone else as president. Okay, maybe more tactful and pretends to care about minorities, but politicians are fake af regardless how they pretend to feel about minorities). I had a great childhood, have no history of trauma and thus can't have PTSD, don't give a shit what inflammatory thing was recently put in the news to piss us all off and divide us -- All I want is to do my job there. Now I'm supposed to step in and defend every time she gets offended (because all us tranz get offended all the time, right?) -- I'm honestly more offended by her than the people who don't give a shit about proving how accepting they are of my people. Long comment -- I just dislike being seen as anything weird anymore. I didn't realize how bad it was until I started passing and people quit seeing me as either a) a deviant or b) this amazingly BRAVE gender nonconforming thing they can collect like a pokemon.

[@awsomeposom674]

I feel you. In one of my classes that I'm stealth in, a lot people talk about trans people and always misgender them. Right now they all assume I'm a cis male and use the correct pronouns, but I know if I come out they will make assumptions and use the wrong pronouns. Also, people always assume I'm some sjw liberal because I'm trans and that't not true. It's so annoying.

[@anngatita3831]

Great video to send to everyone who asks "But... Why?" ☺️

[@CelesteM]

I don't consider myself to be stealth in any way but there are certain parts of my life, and people in it, to whom I'm not out. Like you said, it's not always relevant. Also, it's really frustrating how cis people don't understand that just because you're out doesn't mean you want it to be brought up constantly. I don't always want to be outed in a public place or with new people I've never met before. I might be fine coming out to them on my own terms, but that's a different story than someone else outing you and this new person having a lot of preconceived notions about you before you even have a chance to make your own first impression. And in some cases I might not want to come out to them at all, or have my safety put at risk in a public place. I don't think cis people usually really get that.

[@thedukeofweasels6870]

I agree with this so much! If I passed I totally be stealth and someday I hope I can be. Not completely like I never tell anyone but just not have it be a big part of my life and have most people not even know. I wouldn't tell people in everyday life because I don't necessarily identify as a trans man, I just identify as a man and whether I'm trans or cis is only relevant if it pertains to the topic of discussion. I'm definitely not ashamed of being transgender but I'm not exactly proud of it either because I didn't really do anything to be proud of. I didn't choose to be born this way why would I be proud of a genetic quirk. I'm no more proud of being transgender than I'm proud of my hair color or my height it's just a fact nothing more. I also sort subscribe to the idea of it as solely a medical issue. Lots of guys need testosterone replacement therapy to help with mental and physical health so they can function in daily life and I'm no different. I do pass online occasionally and it's an awesome feeling when a group of people don't know and you can just put it behind you and fully relax without having to justify your identity. Once they know you can never go back to that! even if it's all in your own mind just knowing that they know feels so awkward to me. I have strong social dysphoria so it's the same thing as in real life when I have to come out to everyone because I can't stand them thinking I'm a girl, I would rather have them hate me for being trans. I happen to be a very masculine person and I really want to be treated like a normal manly man instead of having people pull their punches because they think I'm a fragile person, I don't want anyone's pity, I don't want them patronizing me!!! Sometimes I just want to put the trans part aside and just be a man for a while! when your stealth you kind of forget your trans and you can just be free and it feels amazing!

[@Chilidog02]

Earlyyy

[@nulno]

I'm about to move to another state were I can have a fresh start ,i cant wait though because no one knows me and I'm going to try my best to become stealth ,sadly though my sister and her husband out me to everyone they meet saying" this is my brother who is trans " they say they do it because they are proud of my journey of being trans and I love them for that but sometimes I just want to be treated as a person, not a TRANS person because a stranger will inevitably treat you differently. so thank you for the postive video on this topic

[@disnerdmoncosplay402]

I had to quote from 5:27 to 5:52 because I agree so hard, I've been on testosterone for almost 6 months and I have not reached the point of living stealth yet. I'm hoping to once I pass a year on t and or after I get top surgery, I still get misgendered on a daily basis, whether it's at home, at work, or just being out in public by strangers.

[@donovanfrye8661]

I'm seven months on T and I have a beard and all this shit. but I have a chest still and all these CIA men make a huge scene calling me a lady. I honestly really hope I can be stealth one day because I'm sick of being treated differently and like shit.

[@donovanfrye8661]

cis ***

[@Matt-cu7fv]

Beefcake zaddy

[@katto3142]

One of my biggest struggles being stealth is that I accidentally befriended transphobic people I didn’t find out till after about a year and a half of being their friend it hurts like a bitch

[@kavitadeva]

Hi Aaron I would think that an F TM would want to go stealth isn't that the whole reason for having top surgery and taking testosterone. I don't understand why anybody would judge someone if they're stealth. I think it's much cooler or more natural to want to go stealth.

[@dallasz8865]

I’m stealth with my gf family. But I’m so scared of my transphobic mom outing me. I’m a few days there meeting each other and I’m so scared. Anyone have any opinions of what I can do or just like how to be less scared?

[@kaylathomasson9619]

What is stealth

[@sophiamcauliff]

Yeah I would be stealth but.... I'm nonbinary....so like...yeah. but my boyfriend will be stealth when we get older and he gets further in his transition(he just started T and I'm over the freaking moon honestly!! He's so happy) he will be stealth and it'll make him happy and confadent and proud as fuck!

[@sophiamcauliff]

Dead Horses ok well to me it means that I use(mainly) they/them pronouns because it makes me feel comfortable. It's not nonsense because I can feel it's impact on my life in a vary real way.

[@liamjasper247]

Dead Horses- No it's not. It's a social construct.

[@ashleyevans7891]

Dead Horses They aren't. They are born with the identity they have, but because they are assigned the wrong one at birth, many decide to transition to the right one. Also, words are a social construct... as is the concept of laws/crimes. That doesn't make them less real. Don't be obtuse.

[@ashleyevans7891]

Dead Horses Clearly, you need to reread what I said. Someone is born with the identity they have, and always will. It's not "wrong" at any point. However, because society insists on sorting babies based on their genitalia, each baby is ASSIGNED a gender that may or may not line up with their identity. Everything is fine until society steps in and fucks it up with preconceived ideas of what people should act like based on their assignment. If we didn't assign kids as anything, and didn't treat them differently or expect different things from them, then sure. Our society is way too ingrained in gender for that to be possible, though. Just look at the controversy over the parents that try to raise their kids without gender. If you still don't understand, maybe you should take some sociology/gender studies classes. College professors are much more capable of teaching this than strangers on the internet.

[@ashleyevans7891]

Dead Horses Clearly, you need to reread what I said. Someone is born with the identity they have, and always will. It's not "wrong" at any point. However, because society insists on sorting babies based on their genitalia, each baby is ASSIGNED a gender that may or may not line up with their identity. Everything is fine until society steps in and fucks it up with preconceived ideas of what people should act like based on their assignment. If we didn't assign kids as anything, and didn't treat them differently or expect different things from them, then sure. Our society is way too ingrained in gender for that to be possible, though. Just look at the controversy over the parents that try to raise their kids without gender. If you still don't understand, maybe you should take some sociology/gender studies classes. College professors are much more capable of teaching this than strangers on the internet.

[@yousaysilver]

I'm currently stealth with one person only because he's the only person who thinks I'm a cis guy but I'm worried because I know I have to tell him eventually since we want to hang out outside school and my parents refuse to use the right pronouns for me. I know he'll be accepting but I'm worried that he'll think I didn't tell him because I don't trust him but really I just want to hold onto someone seeing me as just a guy