Eating Disorders And Trans Youth

[@bisforbroccoli830]

Literally me. I've been using my disorder as a coping skill and it started as a way to get rid of the curves

[@leilettarose8996]

Same! 😔

[@ryanlee354]

It really does seem super common for trans guys to have also had eating disorders (I can't speak for trans girls) and the reason that you suggested for why that is makes perfect sense. I'm a trans guy and I've never had an eating disorder, but I've always had issues with my weight because when I was little I was allowed to eat a lot and it sort of set me up for an unhealthy perception of food forever (feels like an addiction) and because of that, I've always had issues with my weight because I was overweight and curvy. My mom seems to see that as proof that I'm not trans because her argument is that I was a little girl who hated her body because of her weight and has always been insecure and that transitioning to male is my way of trying to fix the problem?? Like ok thats a weird solution. but she does like to bring up that there are many young girls out there who hate their body, think they're trans, then realize never mind I'm not trans like 2 years later (idea how common this is??) all that to say I can't imagine having to fight my mom on my trans identity if I also had something as vulnerable and soul crushing as an eating disorder on top of that because for her any sort of mental illness or weakness invalidates my gender identity.

[@foreverwantingpie]

I definitely got mine because I didn't want to have the monthly thing

[@aintbanksy]

OH my god your profile pic

[@axolotlinatrenchcoat]

I’m a trans guy and currently in residential treatment for anorexia. I really appreciate you sharing your story and being so open about this. It feels really great to know I’m not alone.

[@elid6536]

I've never been diagnosed with disordered eating, and I believe that's because I refused to talk about it with therapists. But nevertheless, I used to only eat one small meal a day and even hearing someone talk about it makes it hard not to want to go and do something unhealthy to lose weight. I've gained 20 pounds in the last couple months, and I'm usually a pretty small guy. But I can't see my hipbones anymore, and that's literally making me so dysphoric for whatever hecking reason. But I haven't starved myself in probably 8 months? And idk. Eating and I have such a weird relationship. Basically this was a super drawn out way to say thank you for making this video.

[@imaginareality]

I've been struggling with restrictive eating (not a full-blown ED) and while I think it was mostly unrelated to my gender, gaining weight in recovery really worsened my body dysphoria (especially chest dysphoria) and was what made me start questioning my gender in the first place. When I restrict I focus on certain parts of my body and I think, as a side product of that, I pay less attention to other parts of my body (that make me dysphoric) which seems to (!) decrease my dysphoria.

[@elibell5098]

First of all, I know it has been three years but as someone who is in the lgbtq community and recently came out as non-binary/trans and who also struggles with eating disorders, thank you a million times over for this very real video. Also, I should have gone to medical school because I immediately thought "Hmmm...I wonder if he has Ehlers Danlos. He easily gets injured....." Then I'm like scrolling through to see what vid I'm watching next and I see your video and I'm like omg. I was right. I hope you are getting the treatments you need!

[@stupidsminkle]

"I get injured very easily and I dont know what it is yet" oh man, EDS makin an early appearance in your vids.

[@derekbartolomecalleja9257]

Right now I'm recovering from my anorexia (because of my dysphoria), and my doctor just told me that if I don't recover soon I'm not going to be able to start with the testosterone, I'm really depressed and I don't know how to recover.

[@kerricksanker3051]

I always found the control EDs gave me over my body, was the only control I had. Being able to cause all of "positive" things listed in this video, was as close to what my body needed as I could provide.

[@sophiamcauliff]

I get so smiley and happy when I see that you post even when it's a heavy topic. You're doing so good Aaron!! Love you plant daddy!!

[@Invisible.fatty99]

It’s also so hard because the trans masc representation I’ve seen are all very thin men. And for gay trans men there’s added pressure with the twink aesthetic 😔

[@pastaacats6379]

Thank you for making this video, I've never seen anyone touch on trans people's experiences with eating disorders. Like it always seems to be cis women and girls who get mentioned when the topic of eating disorders comes up so it definitely feels less isolating hearing someone from the trans community talk about eating disorders. My eating disorder started when my chest got to a point where it was noticeable even if I wore a tight shirt under a loose shirt or hoodie, and I had realised the same things that you said went through your head. It's been about 3 years now since it was completely controlling my life and I still keep having moments where I keep wanting to relapse. It fucking sucks, especially because I don't think I'm gonna be able to my trusted teacher at my school without him having to contact specific people because of my school's safeguarding policy (which I totally get but at the same time it's really frustrating and off-putting).

[@wademeister1339]

I'm really glad u made this vid cuz I can relate. I'm not gonna lie, I'm fat, I'm about 300lbs and I still go from days where I don't eat for multiple days and then binging and purging. Not many people talk about this, despite it being so common. Thank u Aaron, for making this video and sharing ur experience with us.

[@StephLindeen]

Thanks for having the courage to talk about this, Aaron. I've struggled with an eating disorder my whole life and when I realized I was trans, it all kind of came full circle. Thanks for this video, I hope you're doing well today and that you're proud of your accomplishments 😊

[@foxmotif]

thank you so much for talking abt this

[@BluepinkEmmet]

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT THANK YOU so much for talking about it

[@RenaissanceQueer]

I totally thought I was alone. I remember when i was 13 or 14 I was watching dr phil with my mother and the topic was anorexia and they showed this woman who was on her death bed and her organs were shutting down and they told her if she didnt get help soon she'd be death within a few months. One of the problems she had was she didn't menstruate. So i thought if i didnt eat, i wouldnt have to deal with my period. I tried it for about a day but couldn't go through with it. so i just delt with it but it was always in the back of my head that it was a possibility

[@sshs13sax]

That moment when you sit there for the entire minute of random black silent screen at the end because you are dying to see more Aaron.

[@wills6825]

Thank you for talking about this. I had issues with restrictive eating and over-exercise from around age 12 or 13, so for about a decade before I realized I was nonbinary. All I knew was that I wanted that perfect willowy ballet figure, and that keeping track of numbers made me feel in control.Some of that resurfaced when I started working through gender stuff, especially since the societal image of androgyny is super thin, but I'm doing better these days. Still a struggle sometimes to accept my weight gain on T, but it's worth it to feel so much more like myself.

[@KeteshVala]

this is such an important and under adressed topic, thank you so so much! you and your videos are helping me staying strong and to recover! i am lucky i never actually developed a full blown eating disorder, but i was always close to the line

[@pixelfish3395]

I feel guilty when I eat because I know it will go straight to my hips and thighs and chest and it hurts. Half the time I just don’t give enough of a fuck to feed myself. My dysphoria is getting more and more viscous and unbearable as I age. My parents found out and aren’t supportive, they want me to repent and just get over it before I go to hell or whatever. I don’t believe in any of that, but I don’t think I’m gonna have much of a relationship with them in the future. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I could’ve been born a male and lived my life. Maybe I wouldn’t be such a fuck up then.

[@ban9693]

same, i recently gained 3 kg and i literally cried bc ik it all goes to thighs and hips

[@devan8717]

I have an eating disorder and I’m trans. I never thought that they could be related but it makes sense

[@r0ttingreaper487]

Thank you so much for addressing this topic. I know that it's more common than I thought it was to have an eating disorder while being transgender, with the eating disorder being fuelled by the constant dysphoria. It was like hearing about myself when you talked about the need for control. I'm currently deeply struggling with that right now, but hearing that it can get better, even if not fully, helps me keep hopeful. Thank you for raising awareness and talking about your own struggles.

[@scribblehideout7504]

YES!!! I do so well when I feel masculine! Then dysphoria enters the chat an IMMEDIATE RELAPSE.

[@mikztif2663]

Just want to thank you for sharing!

[@sarahbeeee]

Thanks for talking about this! It’s definitely an important topic to discuss and it can help a lot of people! ❤️❤️🌱 p.s. I like your hat :)

[@kalebdumez4695]

I had an eating disorder before I came out as trans and started T. Thanks for bringing attention to this!

[@alexgalvin1451]

Ed are shit , im glad your in a gd space ,I agree with u in that I think my ed matches up with my disphoria

[@alexamerrill5352]

Finally, someone has helped me understand why I even have issues with eating. I couldn’t put into words how I felt and being the first transgender person in my community; there’s no one here who can understand and relate. Although it scares me that even after top surgery, you still have issues with eating because I’m worried that will be me. Hopefully when I get help this week... it will actually help. I’ve never went to a clinic before and I’m honestly terrified.

[@MikaruXDenka]

I already wrote a comment on You're so brave about it, but I'll write again. First of, thank you for being honest af about it, it helps a lot! I have binge eating disorder which means that I eat, a lot, sometimes without even feeling hungry, just so I can feel something, that's my kind of self harm, I guess. I'm not sure if I am right now recovered, because I have a lot of stress and self hate right now, so I struggle with it, it's like "Hello, stress? anxiety? fear? I am baaaaack, baby~" I try to use the methods I learnt to control it, and it's hard atm, but I hope I'll get there.

[@toby________toby]

sometimes i get scared that because i struggled so much with self hatred and eating disorders that i might not really be trans because maybe i'm just obsessively trying to change myself. but what you've said resonated with me so much. there's an intersection with autistic people and EDs and trans people and EDs, i'm sorry that you went through it but it's also relieving to not be alone

[@kylesaldanha356]

honestly thank you so much for posting about this i dont see a lot of masc. or ftm transguys talking about this and it feels very lonely and even worse because eating disorders have such a "girls only" entered mindset

[@aranoanor]

I really strongly resonate with the stuff you said, like it's so subconscious, and even when I'm not having disordered actions, I've almost always got the thoughts running through my head. It's so rough, and it's so strange for me to think about because I started having disordered thoughts a month or so before I started questioning my gender, and it all kind of snowballed after 14 years of hating my body. It breaks my heart seeing so many other trans people struggle too, it's so awful and it isn't fair.

[@cjsparks02]

I love you Aaron. Thank you for this video. I really needed it today.

[@smolbeancreations857]

Please. Please. Please don't hurt yourself. You mean so much to a lot of people. You make so many people happy. Don't ever forget that.

[@rm2869]

Thank you so, so much for making this video! At this time of year I tend to get more controlling of my body by doing similar unhealthy things as the ones you mentioned. After seeing you talk about this, I feel significantly better, and I think I'll start breaking that chain now. You're the best, Aaron :)

[@levikeane8938]

this video is so real. the struggle of wanting the male body is such a real thing thats hard to just stop romantising about in the mind, at the moment im talking about this with my therapist. and how i cant control certain stuff happening but i am kind of controling by choosing to take testosterone to help appear more masc and controling what i eat, healthy food or junk food thats my choice an all that. I have bouts of being really healthy and going to teh gym an being really good but then i have times when im like ARRRGH who cares about it this is who i am an i dont have to look a certain way to be male. your doing good, just remember you strong enough, an a relapse is just away of your brain saying hey i still think this way just coz your feeling good it doesnt mean im gone. an you can continue along the good healthy road,

[@levikeane8938]

also sorry if certain things i talked about triggered you an anyone in any way, we are stronger than the eating disorder voice, we can do this.

[@pukinbabymiller4290]

Wow this hit home. I believe in you man. I needed to hear literally what I'm going through from someone else's mouth.

[@IWantToRideMyBike]

I think trans women have this issue too with trying to achieve a smaller waist.

[@cassidybrewer]

Whitney C I agree. Stef has talked about it openly as well.

[@lphalp9559]

this is honestly such an important video, thank you so much for making it

[@ren8911]

Wow Aaron , thank you for making this video ;)

[@ivankavoutchkov650]

I'm so happy to see you updating! You addressed the topic so well, I'm so excited for your next video! 💜

[@arimiller2367]

thank you for talking about this. for way too long I struggled with an eating disorder for some of the same reasons you mentioned, but I never feel like I can talk about it because I only ever hear about cis women having eds. sometimes I feel like if I talk about it people will start seeing me as a girl because of it and I really don't want that.

[@caspian2430]

Thank you for talking about this Aaron, it's such an important and underrated topic, I love you.

[@heyyyyyyok]

our stories are so similar.... I feel also recovered (I constantly have to remind myself to be kind to myself though). but I know deep down I can't accept how I look.

[@willshark2463]

Thank you.

[@skooz4797]

Your videos are so helpful even to an older human like myself lol helps with my persistent anxiety. Take care Aaron 💙🌱💙 (more vids please)

[@idontknoe6454]

I had a eating disorder because I was confused why I didn’t feel feminine and like a girl, so I tried acting more feminine and thought all girls were skinny and tried to look feminine (curvy) to make myself feel better but in the end I was hurting myself and felt worse than before. Thankfully I figured out why I felt like that now my disorder is gone and I feel much more comfortable with who I am.

[@residentpossum4705]

Does eating too much / eating your feelings count as an ED... I'm always afraid to mention it or look into it or anything because I've only even heard of stuff that involves losing weight and stuff... Like I've gotten super unhappy with my body and have considered and even tried not eating but I just... I eat so much and I can't stop and I'm always hungry and I just hate my body. I used to be a super thin kid and everyone would tease me and shit telling me "why don't you eat a pizza, kid" but I was eating fine then? I started feeling like I had to gain weight? Then eventually I fell into a bad depression and never left the house I was thinking my online school and gaining a lot of weight and since then I'm just so unhappy with myself and my body. When I eat, even though I'm hungry I feel like I shouldn't be, I feel like "I just ate, I shouldn't NEED to eat again" is this an actual thing? Or is that just genetics and my metabolism just took an insane nose dive? I mean my mom is thin but my dad isn't. Dad used to be thin then gained a lot of weight and I do take after my dad a lot morw... do I have to just deal with this? I don't want to...

[@LorienRPH]

Hi Oliver- To answer your first question, yes eating too much/ your feelings can be an eating disorder. Its called Binge Eating Disorder, and is basically when a person experiences episodes of eating large amounts of food, often to the point of discomfort/pain, while feeling a loss of control over their actions during the episodes. (Think of the "typical" bulimia (binge/purge) but without the purge.) However, diagnosing oneself is risky, so you should probably consult a professional. Also, coming from a person who is in recovery from 5-ish years of EDs and is about to finish a degree in Psychology, eating disorders are often more of a symptom of a deeper issue (my own being severe anxiety and clinical depression) than an issue on their own. Kind of like what Aaron is getting at in the video; how his ED seems to be tied up with his dysphoria. I really hope this helps and wish you all the best :)

[@residentpossum4705]

Thanks, yeah Ive now mentioned it to my psychiatrist. My dad picked up on it too recently. I had no intention of fully self diagnosing more so figuring out if it truly was something I should bring up with my therapist. Honestly it seems to be getting worse and I feel like it's really not healthy. I'm gonna talk about it with my therapist and see if she can help.

[@Azlantheforestgremlin]

Love you ❤️❤️❤️ you are so important and valued

[@jaylee341]

You make me really happy when I see u active on KZbin or anywhere, like to me i see it as, you took the time to upload or post something, and open up, and that's really moving and inspiring. And I thank u. As for someone who developed alot of things at an early age, such as, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, ptsd, and other things including trauma. And seeing someone who delt with something simular, and to see them be in a place thats okay. Make me really happy and feel hopeful. And I hope you're doing good as of right now, and will always feel good. And if always isn't what happens, that's perfectly okay. Not feeling okay, IS, okay. 💛💛💛

[@jeristovall5465]

You are such a great person Aaron. I have and still am struggling alot with my body dysphoria everyday. I've never had an eating disorder. I just cant stand the way I look. I'm getting better about it though. Alot of mine is cos I cant do what I need to yet but it will all work out. Thank you for being you and helping me to see its ok to be me. Love you plant daddy!!

[@kodyparker1919]

Thank you for making this ❤

[@felipe_dominik]

I'm so glad you made this video even tho it's a heavy topic! I have been thinking for a while that I might have an eating disorder and if I do, I'm sure it's related to my dysphoria and my body type. I really don't know if I should talk about that with someone because people often don't believe me when I talk about mental illnesses I could have (My "mom" doesn't believe I have depression and anxiety even though a lot of therapists have told her that.) but seeing how you're now dealing with stuff and well, just seeing how you're still alive after all that shit helps me to motivate me and realize that my future might be better. 💗💖💗💖💗💖

[@hellichk]

yay i got an ad!!!

[@mikeyelliot3650]

This is an off topic question, but I was wondering if you painted the background? It’s really beautiful.

[@AaronAnsuini]

+witchboyway yeah I did! Thank you so much, I'm glad you like it!

[@ranXd0m]

I never realized why I felt the ‘need’ to have disordered eating until you discussed this topic. Thanks for opening up about it and it’s nice to see another video from you!

[@leoqu1nn]

Glad you're posting again! Love you so much, thanks for this video. Hoping you're well♡♡

[@SharmaneAllen]

Excellent video. Very insightful and thoughtful. You have a genuine understanding of yourself which will be helpful to people going through the same trials and tribulations. Take good care of yourself...always.

[@Mary-op8hi]

I've always appreciated how open you are about your ED struggles. While i am cis and therefore cannot ever understand the pain of dysphoria, I definitely get what it is like to HATE your body so much that you would like nothing more than to crawl out of it. While my ED behaviours have gotten better, I, like you, still consider my mind to be eating disordered, and it is a constant struggle, not just every day, but every minute. Gosh I wonder what it is like to just simply eat something because you are hungry .. I feel like it must be so easy and nice .. But anyways the point i am trying to make is that I am very thankful for how honest you are about your struggles as it helps me feel less alone and like I'm not as strange and fucked up as i think. Also I have definitely found some things/strategies you have mentioned in the past to be helpful. So while I do not want you to feel pressure to continue such videos if you don't feel as if they are helping you, or worse, if they end up only exacerbating things, I am definitely looking forward to more videos on this topic. My pup and I send you lots of love and good thoughts

[@khaddy427]

thanks a lot for making this video..., i´m glad i found it

[@kleinerwolf3078]

Thanks for talking about this topic. Stay strong! 💕

[@liamjasper247]

Thank you so much

[@VannaJohnson]

Thanks for this video. My little sibling has recently told me they want to Transition and they also have an ED. I feel like im running around in circles to find information on how to help and what to do next and im getting broken link after broken link. I want so desperately to help but their doctor won't let them start anything until they hit a certain weight and I don't want to erase their gender identity but I also want them to be sure (I know how unfair that sounds but dysphoria is hard and idk if they want to have a male body BECAUSE of the ED or the other way around) before going into anything medical. I'm just so lost on how to help them be okay. if anyone wants to message me or contact me any help would be so appreciated.

[@joshuaschnalke566]

Thank you for posting this video - I feel like there aren't enough people talking about this topic and I feel like there are so many people who struggle but we can't find anyone talking about the same thing. I think a video on hands-on coping mechanisms like you mentioned would be awesome and really helpful! Keep it up you have great content 💚

[@JadeEliot]

Yes thank you for talking about this! People need to know that trans youth are particularly susceptible to EDs and trans youth need to be aware of the dangers EDs pose!

[@кринжовник-ъ9н]

I've struggled with restricting disordered eating before realising I'm trans. it was never bad enough to call it an eating disorder and it stopped after i realised the problem was dysphoria, not my weight. but sometimes I'm still tempted to start eating less to have smaller hips because hip dysphoria is probably the worst for me. i know it's not going to help and will probably only make things worse but i understand why many trans people may struggle with eating disorders. many of my trans friends do or did at some point of their life

[@kavitadeva]

Thank you Aaron for being so transparent and willing to talk about something so personal and something so heavy. It was really good to hear you sharing the correlations that you feel and also just the pain and the cycle and how it gets a grip on you Etc.

[@neuroqueerjester]

Thank you thank you thank you for addressing this once again 🖤

[@erikanzaldua570]

Thanks for posting about this topic and I look forward to the next video you make!

[@eliisdead4427]

I didn’t know that it wasn’t weird to have an eating disorder because of being trans, that’s the case with me and it really helps knowing that I’m not alone

[@Waywardtrickdogs]

Thank you for making this video .. your the first person I’ve seen who made a video about trans people and eating disorders .. last year I restricted how much I ate for 2+ months because I noticed shark week stopped when I didn’t eat .. I might have also turned eating a vegan diet into a way to restrict what I eat

[@baxtermcloughlin2287]

Thank you so much this was so needed in the community!

[@Noah-mb8mj]

This is an important topic, you're brave for making this video ♡

[@teslak3176]

I really appreciated this video and honestly yes, a lot of it all rang extremely true. thanks for using your platform to speak so honestly dude. youre exceptional.

[@wills6825]

For people looking for support, there is a group called Trans Folx Fighting Eating Disorders that has a Facebook group and a Tumblr page.

[@colesenior6615]

thank you for posting this

[@SERENASHMORE]

I was so happy when I saw this video. I am so glad this is being talked about. Thanks Aaron

[@rjdcferreira]

Hoping to not mess up the English... but I don't know you as any other thing but male. Shine!

[@ashwillows4567]

man, i really needed this video. thank you for talking about such heavy stuff, keep growing and being stellar, aaron!

[@0MGitsRayRay]

also, about being easily injured; please ask your doctor about osteoporosis. it's very common in people who've struggled with ED's.. my friend is sure she has the early stages of it, but she recovered (almost) before it got too bad.

[@0MGitsRayRay]

sorry if i sound annoying trying to be your own personal walking WebMD guide, but i am concerned! love u xoxo

[@oddooddood7677]

Why is this a big mood

[@tyjoissodun3636]

this makes me feel so much better ❤️ ive been feeling as though because i struggle with this that it made me less of a man

[@donovanfrye8661]

I developed my eating disorder because of my chest. I saw before and after photos of people with my chest size and they had pretty much vanished in the after so I wanted that to be me. I still struggle with my ed but not as bad. I have noticed though that everything I eat upsets my stomach and because of all the purging I use to do I get wicked acid reflux. does you deal with really bad heart burn too Aaron? or is it just a me thing?

[@LeonBell]

Sorry this is really late haha I hope you're doing better now❤️

[@tobipalaty2582]

This video is so important!thank you so much💙💙

[@hockeyfreek33]

Im a fat cis woman who has had eating issues all my life. I never looked like i had an eating disorder, but there were months when i was younger that all i had were carrots. 4 to 5 months of only carrots. I now make myself eat 3 healthy meals every day to keep from falling back into it.

[@siobhanwood9140]

Aaron you're fab! Love your videos and love the podcast xx

[@siobhanwood9140]

Is it weird that I fangirled coz Aaron liked my comment. Yaay😀😍

[@kellabdjfoo]

tysm for this video

[@gwarner9162]

Hey Aaron, I was wondering if there was some way you could link me to the music in the background of this video. I found it really calming and would love to be able to listen to it to help with anxiety and such.

[@rebelkallus]

thank you for making this

[@peytonhollieday6458]

good video, super relevant

[@0MGitsRayRay]

thank you for this. I've had body image issues since i could remember, since i was little. i would tell my mom that i hated my body when i was 5 years old. (trigger warning) she pulled up pictures of severely underweight women on the computer and said "you don't want to look like this" and i was just silent. she said "you don't want the body of a little boy" and i always told her "yes i do??" whenever she told me that. (i always complained about my body and weight to her growing up) I wasn't aware that i had an ED from grade 7 to now. but about 2 years ago is when it got bad, and a year ago was when i completely acknowledged that i have a problem. I'm still struggling because my hips are wide and i have really bad dysphoria. also my brain is addicted to being sick. it sucks.

[@aliflanagan7669]

This is..so relatable

[@dinodogstar]

i hope that, 5 years after you posted this, you are doing well.

[@noanewman5237]

You are not alone

[@frigon9975]

Thank you so much for this video

[@FrostBeauty]

I still don’t know well those disorder but lately I started to ask myself some questions. I’m FTM and I always got cycle where I would try to eat at least as possible feeling not in shape and then get back to eat like a pig. And every time I eat a meal I eat very fast and a lot sometimes to the point I made myself sick. I’m trying my best to change those habits but it is exhausting it recquires me a lot of concentration at every spoon I take every time I put something in my mouth,I have to concentrate hard to eat it slowly and constantly check myself to guess if I’m full or not. I don’t know what to do. Recently I got an appointment with a specialist to get my testosterone and she checked my belly and weight and told me I was a little bit overweight. It became worse I’m either hungry to death trying to stop myself from eating except “light meals”. Or exploding and eating fast and a lot of the same food (aka plain pasta etc...) Is that just me that need to regulate my way too eat like a schedule or is it possible more serious?

[@ethanlopez2737]

Hey Aaron! Thanks for bringing awareness! I know this video is a little old, but I work with Trans Folx Fighting Eating Disorders and we are trying to help our trans family and provide support. Feel free to check us out or message us on social media if you would like to get more involved!

[@pmbluemoon]

I went the opposite way, I got fat. No one wants to look at me fat, I hid behind it. I hated people telling me I was "pretty" or the dreaded "you clean up well!!" HATED MY BODY. Chopped off my hair "Oh, you have such pretty hair!!" *that's gone too, thanks family for making me feel even more hateful of myself* so now when anyone says they like something about me, I notice I destroy it. My bf is horrified when I let my beard grow, tells me "shave that s**t off!" Makes me feel undesirable no matter what. Last thing I need that I can't get is top surgery, and since I'm fat I have "man boobs" no breast tissue in them but they make me go in for mammograms yearly now that I hit 40 this spring. I feel like it's a losing battle, but I'm finding ways to hang on with support groups and surrounding myself with ppl who are OK no matter how I look or identify. 🌱🐾 HUGS and support for anyone, no matter what stage you are at, you're all awesome and deserve to be yourselves!