Bi guy questions: could I love a man?

As bisexual men, we can often wonder whether we could actually love or have a relationship with a guy. We're so used to be idea of man and woman, that sometimes we don't consider it.
Often we can admit that we are bisexual, in that we have sexual attraction to men, but could we be romantically attracted to men as well? Are we "bi enough" to actually fall in love with another guy?
In this video I explain my journey with this question and how I've come to where I am today.
@notdefining is a platform for anyone who has ever felt in-between, complicated or undefined when it comes to sexuality, gender or identity. I am a specialised integrative coach and LGBTQ+ mentor and I love to help people find their best selves, however they define.
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[@notdefining]

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[@PokhrajRoy.]

I was literally the gayest child in my neighbourhood but adults gaslit themselves into thinking only heteronormativity exists.

[@notdefining]

Me too lol.

[@alekskirakos6629]

My experience is so similar to yours. Especially in the current feeling of inner freedom in choices without self-labels, etc bs

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for sharing.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Bromances and Girl Crush is an exit clause for straight people to show they might have dimension.

[@notdefining]

Yes I agree it can be that for sure.

[@tomjardine100]

Very much like an early version of being bisexual or gay. So many people are bisexual potentially. I call it bidirectional because I see pull to both genders

[@StaffyLeeMusic]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I've just binged all these videos over the last day. As a 45 year old man coming to understand my own pansexual/bi+/queer identity after a long term hetero relationship has come to an end, your videos have been so helpful. I can see the journey you have taken over the course of these videos, and that journey has helped me to understand my own in some way. By the way, I love the nail colours! I've been painting mine for a couple of years now, even before I fully came to understand my own sexuality, and I proudly wear colour at work and anywhere else I go. I hope you managed to feel comfortable wearing painted nails at work! I'd love for you to keep uploading videos of your journey. There doesn't seem to be a lot out there for us masculine bi+ folks who are exploring our identities. So your videos have been an oasis in a desert in a way. Thank you again!

[@PokhrajRoy.]

I’m a man and I love you…r channel because you choose interesting things to talk about.

[@notdefining]

Ah thanks my friend. I appreciate it. Thanks for watching.

[@shannymesse4634]

Hi Mark ! Thank you for sharing your experience ! ☺☺☺ I think you're absolutely right to just let your feelings do their own thing. Also, labels are supposed to make things easier for us, if it complicate things we should be okay not using them. I call myself bisexual because, beyond the fact I like all genders the same way and I'll always have that potential to love someone with all my heart regardless of their gender, it's the MOST me I will ever be ! It felt right the minute I accepted that label for myself ! What I do with my bisexuality is mine. I do what feels good to me and I like who I like when I like them 💖💜💙💖💜💙

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for this gorgeous comment.

[@anthonycarbonaro7890]

Yes exactly.. for me it’s all about energy no matter who the person is. Either Or..

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for sharing

[@PokhrajRoy.]

All I wanted in my academic career was a cute boyfriend who loved me back and made me happy. Spoiler Alert: Nothing happened and I was just upset :(

[@notdefining]

I hear you

[@rachelsalamone2207]

Thank you for sharing.

[@notdefining]

My pleasure!

[@craigfrancisjohnson]

Hehe I had a very similar but opposite experience in my early 30s where I had assumed I was just gay and someone explained the concept of romanticism to me and something clicked where I could accept being bisexual along side being certain I was homoromantic.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

I have been so desperate and thirsty on main but only recently I have begun to be respectful of platonic adult relationships.

[@notdefining]

That’s great. It sounds like you are coming to a better place.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Comp het is the worst. I was never the kind of person who performed gender but then I did somehow. An absolute nightmare imho. Also, people around me didn’t help. Ignorance is not always bliss.

[@notdefining]

Comp het is a scourge on humanity. I hate it.

[@jonathanmiller9235]

Hey, man! I just wanted to stop by and say hi and what's up! How have you been doing since we last spoke? I also wanted to let you know that I getting ready to publish a memoir and there were times in my journals when I said all kinds of nice things about you, and other pansexual men like you! How does that make you feel man?! I mean, the reason why I've been talking about pansexual men in my journals and added some of those entries to my memoir is because I actually feel safe around a lot of pansexual men, and of course talking to you! Hope you like the book when it comes out! Have a great and awesome day, man! Good talking to you!

[@jonathanmiller9235]

And by the way, I just wanted to say that I kind of talk about pansexual guys quite a lot and say all kinds of nice things about them!

[@notdefining]

Hey gosh thank you so much. I am honoured. Can you let me know what the book is called and how I can find it? This has made my day.

[@jonathanmiller9235]

@notdefining OH! And I was wondering..... do you think you'll be able to find me some or a lot of pansexual guys that I can be very good friends with? I've been searching and searching and searching for them but they are so hard to find. And do you also think I'm kind of a creep and a weirdo for wanting to have an older brother or brother figures who are between the ages of 34 or 37 to 47 years old?

[@jonathanmiller9235]

@@notdefining And the title of the book is: Older Brothers, Older Brother Figures, and Father Figures.

[@tomjardine100]

My mate sang a song to me saying " when you put your arms around me, staring into each other eyes, ain't nobody loves me better" And laughed. I found it flattering but at the same time I got a message from a woman friend and liked that too.

[@carlorizzo827]

Thought provoking. Bi-romantic is putting it mildly. I always felt an enchanted mystical love like a story from some past century. Not the happily ever after kind, but the tragic kind: Romeo & Juliette, Tristan & Isolde; of men, the heroes of the Trojan War, or Gilgamesh & his buddy (Enkidu?) or even Butch Cassady & the Sundance Kid. I resist the term bromance since my actual siblings betrayed me. I'm no one's brother. Although the parents humbled themselves, apologized, became great friends. I'm glad they're not around to see what happened. Or are they... This is a total anachronism! There were some close calls, some tragedy. I'm old now, still trying to comprehend. What i see is a savage PTSD, violent family. Love is so inexorably linked with violence &death that i enter a trance, a fugue state, that feels "This must be mystical!!" Tall order. The story of Tristan & Isolde is motivated by a love potion. I've had to calm this down, not too successfully

[@mrspiral2194]

Congratulations on you channel, thank you for trying to clearify the confusion surrounding our "slice" of the spectrum. What I seem to observe is that we are the reverse or mirror image of heterossexual people. With us Its the females who are more assertive and strive for societal success. Males are more aquiescent and have a higher desire for family life then their heterossexual counterparts. There are also physycal diferences in which many times the female is taller or she has a more robust bone structure than the male. I have observed other features but i'm still not sure. You can also find examples of this reversed dicotomy in nature, namely with the bonobo ape species and as well with Hyenas. Keep up with the good work - it is important for younger generations to better know themselves.