Bill Burr - Chimpanzees

billburr.com/

[@evilashxero]

I laughed so hard when he said that about cats siding with the intruder. lol

[@quaz1moto241]

Fish not having a say kills me every time. Bill was really on one for this one 💀💀

[@PhantomFilmAustralia]

@@quaz1moto241 ...like a Stepford wife. 😂😂😂

[@TheSlammurai]

9:41 I love how he refers to caveman era as "back in the day". XD

[@T0YCHEST]

I would never hear the end of the "back in my days" from Gramps 250,000 years.

[@emdiar6588]

I love how you refer to the Pleistocene as the 'caveman era'.

[@hi-jh1ff]

@@emdiar6588 nerd

[@emdiar6588]

@@hi-jh1ff jock

[@FlowKio]

The 80s was the caveman era you’ve seen those rockstars?

[@htxflow]

I never looked at Chimpanzees in such a way til I saw this. Bill is a fucking genius. He has added Chimanzees to my top 5 list of fears. I youtubed Chimpanzee attack and wow, they are strong and fast as shit

[@garymaccagnone3669]

Lee Smoove I have no idea why anyone hangs around with these animals. Chimps will plan their attack. They are extremely vicious and will rip your balls off just for the hell of it.

[@citizenoftherepublic9795]

They're not 'cute' they're fucking monsters. The idiots out there who think it's normal to put them in a cage and then act surprised when one escapes and kills them have it coming.

[@seanheany444]

Watch Joe Rogan freak out about them haha they are fucking insane

[@hoddy1368]

They are crazy

[@supermetroid009]

😂😂😂that Quiznos oven reference killed me😂

[@p0wertek]

bill was right about his dog smiling. it's a real thing

[@customvansixtyfive8337]

That sting ray's smiling at me, I think he likes me.

[@comfortisimportant2725]

customvan sixtyfive Crikey!!!!

[@user-lm5fd6rr5b]

Stevie?

[@RosscoFAM]

Lol nice!

[@JoeNietzsche]

For a guy that thinks of himself as stupid/uneducated, Bill is pretty well informed.

[@YouAlreadyKnowBabi]

JoeNietzsche that's part of his shtick. Bill is the fucking man.

[@Breaker197]

That's just the way it naturally goes. The more you know, the more you realize you don't know.

[@NoxDeadly]

Funniest 15 min of my life and yours

[@fistoffries]

This guy is awesome!! I never get tired of listening to Bill Burr....

[@BattleRAAD]

🎵why would you fly across the world, to get your ass kicked? 🎶 😂😂😂

[@Cenyon]

This one of the best bits from the podcast in quite a while! Jesus I laughed

[@grevin789]

bill burr being funny as hell again!

[@over18irish]

Bill burr, don't underestimate people. I've seen video of an old man with a walking stick walking past some sort of rattle snake, he doesn't see it until he's two feet away and as it lashes out to strike he whacks its head with his cane, then continues on as it just coils up in shock.

[@jc.1191]

Forget a tranquilizer gun. I'd have 2 .357's.

[@ThePsychoReturns]

The look in the lion's eyes says "If I ever get out, don't kid yourself that you'd last a second."

[@herculesrockefeller2984]

Cro-Magnum's

[@rickpur100]

brought to you by Trojan... lol

[@roddy2body]

Hahaha.... Seriously but, cromagnion man and Neanderthals supposedly inter bred

[@bonypajamas]

+Hercules Rockefeller Chrome Magnums baby, killin in styyyle

[@tudorrenegade7052]

If they would sing the news I would watch it every day. It's a great idea ! And so funny.

[@shkafster]

It's so refreshing to witness someone with at least a basic understanding of human evolution. Such a rare thing. Thanks.

[@seanmathews1826]

I remember at the Silver Back gorilla exhibit at Busch Gardens in Tampa Florida the guide on the tour told us that a Silver Back Gorilla has bite force to be able to bite through a coconut shell like a human eating an apple. 😳Yeah I agree with Bill. I am not going anywhere near any of these things.

[@justintaylor1179]

Bill as I drive I love this one.

[@andrewptob]

I started laughing before I clicked. What a random topic.

[@baifan1985]

The moment I saw the title I know this is comedy gold!

[@maximillianosaben]

I couldn't stop laughing when he got to the stuff inside the cave.

[@rapidojimbo6302]

Singing the news! Yes

[@vainjumper9978]

Cheetahs are one of the least likely to attack you out of all the “big cats”, but i mean if it decides it wants to you cant do shit

[@IveGotAHondaFifty]

I mean, you would probably stand a decent chance against a cheetah, other big cats would 100% tear you to pieces, but a cheetah is so small that you would definatly hurt it very badly and potentially kill it before it kills you.

[@maxd2215]

Jesus Christ, the story with the Australian woman who got her face ripped off by a pet chimp is horrific. But who in their right mind owns a wild animal in the first place?

[@hannibalbarca6308]

In tears

[@TomMilleyMusic]

i don't know why, but the image in my head when Bill talked about seeing a bear slap a guy and see his head spin around a few times just cracks me up so much.

[@theMondayMorningPodcastClips]

Holy shit! I'm glad he lived.

[@elijahgreen2799]

This channel is great, please keep it up. I love Bill

[@Torgo1969]

Excellent Leonard/Duran reference! It's too bad Duran had such a bad night that time, as his first fight with Leonard was masterful.

[@RockefellerSecurity]

This is one of my more favorite clips by Bill Burr edited by PaperBagBandits. Fuckin hilarious shit. There on the floor, on the ceiling, across the room, you gotta deal with human speed. LMAO! I cant imagine sitting there looking out of a cave and knowing everything is that much more faster than me and i dont even have a door LOL! And you know he saw that episode on Oprah with the lady with her face ripped off hahaha

[@0412lennon]

This is why I respect nature by staying the hell away from it

[@RosscoFAM]

Amen to that.

[@masternoob9673]

Facts

[@MrKozure]

Only a psycho like bill can turned a tragic news into a laugh factory! I'm crying my eyes out laughing, here. lmao.

[@formusicplaylist1]

every news station would be wise to adopt this catholic singing style of delivering news

[@RamiroApache]

This one was so amazing! "Look at the cheetah... WROAAAR!" That part killed me xD

[@roberthughes5880]

My oldest pistol...a. 44 Cro-Magnum. Don't make it go prehistoric on your ass!

[@darlakay78]

You are great, love your work

[@RiftenBorn]

Awesome playlist MMPC thanks

[@FISHDINHO]

great point about killing from distance,i watched an ASU origins debate on the evolution of violence and that was the key stage that gave humans the advantage over most other species,we learned how to throw a pointy fucking stick lol

[@mtndewman1022]

that oh jezuz at the end was the best one yet

[@RBG-ez7pd]

Omg Bill Burr is so funny!

[@earthatom7]

lol that shit legitimately got real in like the last minute...

[@doratheexploder286]

Cro-Magnums? Cracking me up Billy Bub..

[@philc648]

2:35, the look to you from your dog is indeed happy and trust, believe it.

[@paramount8000]

No, we share a common ancestor. To demonstrate the flaw of your question, I will show you an analogous conversation: Evolutionist: "My cousin and I came from my grandparents" Creationist: "Then why is your cousin still around?" Evolutionist: "What?" Creationist:"If you came from your cousin, why hasn't he turned into you" Evolutionist: "Umm, I didn't say I came from my cousin. Who told you that?" Creationist:"Jesus did, and I trust him more than you."

[@donguapo7862]

"How about the weather FRANK?....or what ever fuckin human name you tried to give him" lmao

[@htxflow]

They dragged him 100 ft(or yards I believe) into a field and beat the shit out of him

[@MMODoubter]

It only takes 6 planks to make a DOOR, Bill!

[@joesoap81]

''You guys wanna play frisbee'' lol.

[@OneEyedJackNLD]

9:40 ‘Back in the day’ to the extreme 10:22 hahaha

[@youngrizzy7]

The Hooker/ Lion Stare.................Ahaha Iam dead off this, too funny

[@Breaker197]

There are some humans who can compete with the animal kingdom though. Fightscience had a dude documented that was about as fast as a snake.

[@gamingaccount7172]

how the first word was born: two neanderthals sits it the cave. a bear walks in, one neanderthal yells: FUUUUUUUUUUCK.

[@aboubacaramine8689]

Imagine an R-rated animation based on this..

[@gleamsteam]

I really hope he'll come back to Australia sometime, otherwise I'm going to have to take a trip to the USA to see him

[@Rage639]

Everyone complains when it's not working, no thanks when it does. Haha welcome to IT

[@adrianh332]

Ever since that woman lost her entire face and all her fingers to a chimp I've been deadly afraid of them.

[@BeeBumper]

This guy gave me an idea, a superhero named "Chimpman". Attacked by a wild allegedly radioactive chimpanzee, now he eats bushels of bananas, and attacks his neighbors for getting too close, but at night he fights crime. #noturfriend

[@foxman105]

Actually, there is evidence Cheetahs were domesticated in the past. They were used as guardian and hunting animals, or rich people pets in Egypt and India.

[@Zach-Fetters]

foxman105 and drug runner pets

[@T0YCHEST]

They are the first tamed carnivore, not domesticated because they can't breed in captivity.

[@Katarinarabbit]

Signal from ya fucking leg: hey we just got bit by a fuckin pit viper

[@iguire]

This was so funny.

[@Breaker197]

Im with bill on dogs vs cats. That said, birds are the best pets. They won't fight intruders, but you'll sure as shit know when someone comes in. They're also funny as shit and highly entertaining, and way less maintenance. Almost as little as a goldfish. Best balance.

[@youngrizzy7]

Oh look at the Chettah....Oh shes playing......Verahhhhh

[@steveweiner7260]

TRUTH

[@g07denslicer]

9:57 Cro Magnums 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@sojournerkarunatruth4406]

2 kilometers equals 6561 feet or 2187 yards and a football field, is 360 feet or 120 yards ✅

[@MrAce607]

LMFAO 🤣 you gotta add this into your bit!!! 😂😂😂😂. #BillBurr. Fucken the Chimp Song. "They won't love ya back"

[@christinestewart987]

the first words ever invented must have been What the Fuck? Are you Shittin me?🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

[@reinforcedpenisstem]

Hahaa. Cro-"magnum"... It's cro-magnon, but I like Bill's terminology.

[@MilkT0ast]

That was hilarious Sounds like an old school condom

[@cedrickevanmoore5308]

That is funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@DarrellWefel-ts2kr]

You said is from Texas? That explains everything !!!

[@mattball7074]

1:54 so true, there's a mutual respect between most animals with space, territory, food, care and protection (including us) but... we're never "buddies" with a wild animal. People who play with a bear has earned the respect of the bear as a fun, supporting being who is harmless but there's a barrier you'll just never cross with them lol. I really came to realize this watching Jurassic World on acid lmao where 'owen' had a relationship of trust with the raptors but they still could have eaten them at the drop of a dime (or a new worker). The same night after the movie I fed foxes which was cool and realized the same sort of thing. As much as we narcissitically love to show our love and place in the world for any animal.. that animal probably doesn't give a fuck. I bet you've been VERY close to a deer, horse, bird, moose, fox, coyote, whatever and you two 'got a long' through this unwritten understanding, but, bottom line, they're animals. They don't give a fuck.

[@Boom55667]

Throughout the majority of human history we had a healthily pragmatic view of nature & mostly despised being in it for fear of what unknown fate it might bring that civilization just doesn't reflect the same way with its own sense of unpredictability

[@robertoromero4245]

I’d much rather fight the chainsaw lol

[@donbatonesko]

hahhahahaha bill

[@Hrollief1]

I'm happy to hear people know that. It is Native Africans not all black people though. Most black Americans, for example, have a white, middle eastern or Asian ancester somewhere, which passed on some Neanderthal DNA to them as well.

[@Rushmore222]

Bill forgot to mention the chimpanzee set of teeth. That have a coupla Dracula incisors in that maw of theirs. Sure, a bear could swipe a chimp into next week, because it weighs about 700 lbs. But versus a human, a much smaller chimpanzee, through brute strength, quickness, and bite power, would be shredded. Me, I'd try to punt the chimp's head into the next yard if he came at me all walking on his knuckles and shit.

[@TheEndKing]

Man, fighting a chimpanzee without an army with machine guns behind you is a losing proposition. What if your attack works, and you kick it? Then what? How long does that buy you before it isn't dazed anymore and now pissed off?

[@htxflow]

TheEndKing It's going to rip his limbs, then slice his face off.

[@MadGnomeStudios]

+TheEndKing yeah pretty much. They actually have emotion like us, and will TORTURE YOU. they'll focus on the fingers and small places that are sensitive and fucking castrate you.

[@farthippo6188]

Does he correct himself with NeanderTALL, then say cro-magNUM like 5 times? Love me some Burr.

[@pretorious700]

Substitute "humans" in your explanation with "Cro magnons" and it's much more accurate.

[@giusepperesponte8077]

Cro magnums 😂

[@JanetEsq]

Chimps' fangs are longer than lions'.

[@t.j.goldwater7139]

The guy who got attacked, now he's p90x-ing like nothing else. Advice was spot on

[@carpetclimber4027]

2 kilometers is about 1.25 miles.

[@privateprivate2268]

👍

[@jeveuxlesoleil]

How is your initial statement any different, exactly?

[@Randymountaine]

Does bill upload these, or does he have a team of internet guys do it?

[@ChuckFadanoid92]

What's the Sugar Ray Leonard reference?

[@jer2689]

I used to want to work with animals but then I realized I dont wanna be mauled to death

[@MilkT0ast]

Lmao cro magnum,

[@user-fg1tt7py6e]

My cat fucking loves me, though. He nudges all over me and cuddles with me when he sees that I'm in pain.

[@amido7]

"What The Fuck" - the first thought.

[@pretorious700]

2 kilometers=1.24 miles

[@pretorious700]

first-like it matters

[@Flammuth2]

BTW I know this is not Bill's channel.

[@rubbersole79]

Case in point; Timothy Treadwell Eaten by his "friends"

[@chip91874]

cromagum?!!!! HA!!!!!

[@littleplaythroughs]

actually humans have more than intelligence we are incredible endurance runners a human can out run a horse given it was long distance

[@mrdropkicker1]

Well, maybe not a lot of these fatties nowadays (as bill calls ‘em), but yeah, that is kind of cool that we are the best distance runners in the animal kingdom

[@Flammuth2]

I love ya Bill but you're somewhat wrong about wild animals, some can genuinely form friendships with people. Case in point, raccoons are said to be vicious beasts but I have managed to be adopted. How do I know, well Bill the alpha female brought her young to meet me and she also groomed me just like she groomed and preened her own offspring.

[@SlyScyther]

@6:15