Bill Burr - I Slapped My Sister On Christmas Eve

/ themmpodcast and billburr.com/ and www.allthingscomedy.com/ . Email Bill at -- [e-mail]

[@mr.anderson1562]

“Sound like she threw a straight right if you were sober you maybe could have slipped that” 😂😂😂😂 burr is funny af

[@chase_h.01]

Damn, that's some good alcohol...

[@Subject__]

its irish.. it holds up to its name well

[@stevewall7044]

Yeah I am sure you would had done anything different. The poor bastard had no idea what he had done at the moment.

[@joshuablack8221]

He messed up when he blocked the door and wouldn't let her leave. That's on him.

[@tytarian2639]

@Joshua Black Yes he messed up and he was wrong, and the lady kicked him and that my friends is ASSAULT no matter how you pretty up the words. As I said in a previous comment she did herself no favors by assaulting him, and I agree he should not have blocked her freedom of movement, all she had to do was threaten that if he doesn't move she'll have to get the cops to remove him, but in the heat of the moment shit does happen. Keep your hands to yourselves people!

[@caseym8179]

Unless she was drunk

[@FeelTheLack]

If you trap an angry ‘anything’ you are gonna get assaulted

[@theguywhoisaustralian1465]

Suckmyballz Gameplays you're so cool

[@dissimulii]

I love nothing more than to see a deserving woman get palm blasted, but the dudes in the wrong here. she's trying to leave an emotional situation so it doesn't escalate further. he's preventing her from leaving, escalating the situation. there's no reason to keep her there unless he just wants to argue and fight more. pretty sure that's unlawful confinement. if i'm trying to leave somewhere I don't have to or want to be and someone is trying to physically stop me, i'd start kicking and punching too.

[@tquin6927]

Upon seeing the title "Oh Jezzzzus!!!!"

[@FriezaSucks]

Just the way he came back immediately to Billy bitch-tits with "I'm bitch-tits when you're slapping a woman" just got this shit going lol

[@juliamihajlovich]

Terry Quintero D’eeeeooooooo Jeshussh

[@Burt1038]

"I defended myself talking about all the shit she'd done" Umm..that's called escalation.

[@TheGraffiti600rr]

You forgot to mention "and they have the hardest job on the planet... they're mothers..." lmao!

[@BballMaster26]

10 game suspension, at least. Lmao

[@connormcsaviour7907]

if he actually took a few seconds to look for an opportunity to hit her then that's pretty fucked, if you have time to think about it you should just let it go. but if it was instant, and just a quick natural reaction, then I think that's fine. but he fucked up in the first place by not letting her leave

[@hunterhall1575]

Why should he let it go?

[@xDRATERx]

Anderson Silvia front kick joke! Hilarious bill!

[@RMGWOO]

@@davyjonesvideos Anderson Silvia because it's a woman.

[@bluntbangs]

It's the guy's fault, to begin with for preventing her from leaving. He didn't mention that she was going to drive or that that was the reason he was keeping her there, so we can't assume that. To that end, you can't keep someone in a room when they don't want to be. She actually does have the right to physically try to get out, whether that be hitting you or pushing you. You are the one who stepped in to prevent her from leaving. That being said, in general, I'm of the mindset that if anyone starts swinging on you, you can hit them. I don't really like the idea of hitting women, but I don't see the difference between hitting a 120 lb woman vs hitting a 120 lb man. They're the same size, and they can pose the same amount of threat to you. That being said, just hit them once. Don't start doing all that UFC shit and punch them a bunch of times because it's "self-defense". Just hit them until they stop trying to hit you. Usually with a girl that's only going to take one slap like what happened here. But again, I blame this situation mostly on the guy. EVEN IF she was being unreasonable, you cannot prevent her from leaving the house.

[@greensciencegeek]

I’m yelling at this guy to just get out of the way, let her go…knowing what happens in the end. She was fucked up, had a valid emotional response, couldn’t leave cause of him, he could have stepped aside at anytime, he fucked up.

[@ladiesmn54]

If a girl hits you first, it’s open season. I know you should walk away, but it’s still open season

[@masaksenja]

Men are generally stronger, I think you're quite able to restrain women if they start slapping you

[@itsamemario6539]

@@masaksenja no you cant they start acting like demons and go full bitch mode

[@TheGenericDavis]

@@masaksenja Awesome, so then they go right for a knee or kick to the dick? Or should I try to get behind them and hold them or just lie on top of them so they can't hurt me but it makes it look like a sexual assault in progress? Dudes have absolutely zero good options as soon as a woman decides the rules don't apply to her and her assault is justified. Also, someone being weaker than me doesn't mean I'm invulnerable to damage or some shit. I've still got a scar over my eye because a woman slapped me and a nail bit into my skin. Women need to stop thinking they can haul off on guys without expecting some kind of response. Or maybe we should just make a call as a society that women still get to attack men without retaliation. In return, guys get to emotionally attack women with every insult in the book and they can't reply with insults to the guy. Guys are stronger physically, girls are better with mental warfare, seems balanced.

[@vorbo01]

@@masaksenja yes, men are generally stronger. Which is why a woman should know not to strike the man.

[@masaksenja]

@@vorbo01 i completely agree. No one should hit anyone

[@tarico4436]

If this is anything like my family life, there is soooo much history. LSS, there's this funny thing called estrangement. It doesn't get much press publicity, but estrangement happens a lot.

[@dashenbasha2645]

hahahaha "ill make it up to ya, freckles ;)"

[@guisspino]

This is such a Middleton story. Good stuff 🥃

[@ericr5735]

Damn I disagree if you get rocked in the dome by someone multiple times you deserve AT LEAST a great slap

[@amarevanhook7453]

I mean, the dude was in the wrong by preventing her from leaving.

[@Estebanmdp100]

Your pfp goes with the comment

[@contentiouscritic]

His actions were actually illegal and violate her rights. (illegal confinement) She is justified in her use of self-defense to remove him as an impediment to her freedom of movement.

[@Fvneral_moon]

Denarzi again with the copypasta XD shut up with that human rights violation bullshit

[@contentiouscritic]

TornPaperYoyo just calling it bullshit isn’t actually a counter argument.

[@muskokamike127]

@@contentiouscritic haha tell that to all the BLM protesters tearing down the US over the past 6 months. In actuality, there are numerous instances where it is not on legal but justifiable to prevent someone from leaving. If they are drunk and going to their car if they are drunk and going out walking around the streets (being drunk in public is a criminal charge and you could be doing it to prevent her from getting nicked) If you think they might do harm to themselves or others if they've committed a criminal act (like hitting you or taking something)

[@lex_rodriguez]

Good ol' family shenanigans

[@michaelbrown1585]

"wow dude" lol yeah

[@DomManInT1]

Dude made a mistake and started a crisis. Then he made the crisis worse by keeping her from leaving. If she was trying to drive and was drunk, you call the cops. He deserved to get kicked in the face. He should have taken his punishment. But he tried to get even instead. He was wrong 3 times. She was wrong once.

[@DomManInT1]

Maybe. Or not.

[@jacobelmore903]

DomManInT1 ok mangina

[@uwotmatte7577]

Hold the fuck up. Call the cops? Are you serious? That's trashing her life in one night. No. Never involve police into family matter. He did right by not letting her kill herself or others... If she wasn't drunk I would say let her.

[@jessegro4]

Uwot Matte amen. People are retarded. When families are going through something your first option should never be to call the cops. Or that shouldn’t be near the top of your list. You take care of your OWN business and take care of your OWN family. The cops will only make things worse and like someone else said, will fuck up their lives with a DUI (or whatever it’s called from where you are from).

[@jabba0975]

Never call the cops on anyone you care about.

[@steve23970]

No. If a woman hits a man first, he has every right to hit them back. Screw this one sided abuse thing.

[@Vickvineager]

steve bolton and to think women want “equality” we can start here.

[@jxmmykriminallive]

“she hit me first😢” you sound like a fckn child

[@DelphineTheWorstBladeEver]

I always try to think of situations reversed. If he was mad and wanted to leave, but she was blocking the door, would it be okay for him? Men have more of an out on this one. They could just pull the girl out of the way, or even pick her up and move her. And if they couldn't, they would probably only get more angry and say some shit they'd regret, or start acting violent towards the table or wall. But if he would have attacked her like that instead of threatening to call the cops, that would have been within his rights. Don't cage people or try to control them like that. If you're so controlling that you block the door then you deserve what is going to happen, because you're fucking stupid. No one should ever feel controlled like that. He made it even worse when he slapped her, after he knew how trapped she felt. He's controlling for a sibling. It's not even a man vs woman thing anymore. It's controlling sibling vs the one that feels trapped. I really doubt that everyone would be on his side if it were reversed because "he's supposed to be a gentleman." If you want someone to act like a lady or a gentleman, you need to know when to let them cool off like one. Who the fuck would be okay with feeling trapped? I've never blocked a door from either sex (and I've had both sexes mad enough to leave the house) because I'm not prepared to take a hit. I don't like fighting. I'm not stupid, and I would never try and trap someone or try to come off as controlling. You're not a fucking bar bouncer working a shift, you're an equal being. Maybe think once in a while before thinking it's ever possible to calm anything down while it's trapped.

[@hunterhall1575]

And if we moved them, we would still be accused of assault.

[@Volkbrecht]

Nevertheless, women as well need to learn to be non-violent, to have self-control. If you hit first, you can't complain if you get one back. Even worse, as an average sized woman hitting a regular sized guy, you should be aware that you are doing something incredibly stupid, getting physical with someone who could break you right in the middle without even starting to sweat. Seeing things the other way round, if you shouldn't hit a woman, you shouldn't hit a guy, either.

[@Tc-nu8cu]

arm lock.

[@fufucarlos]

I believe in equality if someone takes it to violence they get one free hit. If they keep hitting after I tell them they are making a mistake...

[@etaylor8028]

Yea no women are complaining about getting hit back you morons

[@RiotCyborg]

Sam 2018 That’s not true at all ya fucking delinquent. Plenty of women believe that shit.

[@imbored4615]

@@RiotCyborg "ya fucking delinquent" lol wtf

[@xXNightsWatchXx]

the third man in analogy. Straight gold.

[@briandonovan1584]

Why ya goin' to Indianapolis, Bill?

[@mr.anderson1562]

This one of the only stories I ever heard on here where the man is in the wrong 😂😂

[@juliamihajlovich]

This guy sucks. Has nothing to do with him. He should have let her storm out.

[@Gnossiene369]

Absolutely.

[@johnboylan3832]

You suck. If my sister is abusing my mother, she is going to be reprimanded.

[@salahad-din9168]

Title cut off at "on". I was thinking something else. Woo

[@razaba3172]

I like your way of thinking.

[@hymanocohann2698]

Irish Xmas lol.

[@sharonthompson672]

I was at a party where they ran out of beer & everyone started hittin' the whiskey. Fights broke out right & left. Why does whiskey make folks mean? 🤔

[@hughiemg2]

Midleton very rare... that’s the good shit!

[@nemanjap8768]

Billy, I don't know what you define as hammered but 0.7 liter bottle of whisky isn't enough to make you hammered , maybe buzzed or something like that

[@DanAgain123]

She had that shit coming after a boot to the face, it was only a slap anyway not a closed fist.

[@3-body-problem]

They both allowed themselves to get shit-faced. Deal with it! Really don't know why people touch that shit when there are so many issues simmering beneath the surface.

[@muserussell2377]

Uhh this family doesn't sound very close

[@solrinin]

He definitely shouldn't have slapped her in a calculated method (you're automatically an ass if you're trying to figure out the perfect time to slap someone). She shouldn't have hit him, but he wouldn't have gotten hit if he hadn't prevented her from leaving in the first place. I'm wondering if he would've tried the same thing if she had been a guy and would've expected that punch to the head for trying to stop them from leaving.

[@tomkop213]

I would invest in that male female person remover ...hehe

[@supastar25]

They were BOTH in the wrong on this one

[@jamiew1664]

Bill, you forgot.. “there’s NO reason to hit a woman!! “. Hahaha

[@hazemanwer5118]

I'll make it up to you, freckles.

[@johnnyboy2388]

Country music video, lmao

[@starark]

he did her a favor, otherwise she drives home angry and drunk - an accident waiting to happen.

[@daniellewise6840]

He never said his sister was drunk if you actually listened

[@RiotCyborg]

M S DUIs exist.

[@Fvneral_moon]

M S you aren’t very smart are you XD

[@muserussell2377]

'I defended myself, yelling back all of the fucked up shit she's done.' How is that defending yourself?

[@CakeAndNipples]

the title makes it sound like bill did it

[@pubixcube27]

Damn, something like this happened to me this Christmas. Got into a heated argument with my cousin and almost got into a fight with him.

[@kekw6215]

pubixcube27 Lmfao same here 😂 we got into a small fight.. 2 grown men on xmas..

[@experiment54]

In the old days when the TV used to go on the blink we went over to it and slapped the side and/or the top. This usually sorted it. People can sometimes be like those old TV sets. (you had to be there to understand)

[@tytarian2639]

@experiment54 Not sure hat you are trying to say, are you justifying assaulting people without physical provocation?

[@ZekeMan62]

@@tytarian2639 Some people need exactly that. Nothing else could ever sort out my crazy bitch sister.

[@Howskii]

Stick to the herb man.. forget the whiskey

[@rakshahegde3856]

A slap is meant to demean someone. I have an older brother with whom i have fought a lot in my childhood days that included punches, kicks, scratches, verbal rant, saliva spray......never a SLAP! Slap can never be a reaction for an action. Thats just melodramatic 👎🏼

[@80sMoviesRule1]

I have 2 sisters .... never have I ever had to raise a hand to either of them. One of them has been a pain in the ass in the past. There have been times when it probably had been an acceptable act. But I’m a man ..... I can handle a little physical damage. Then again once she pushed me and fell back. If she out weighed me maybe I would have exerted a little energy to defend myself. ......now I have defended myself from out of control ladies and then again never slapped the shit out of them. Damn this shits complicated 😯

[@rayray6490]

Unless they gonna get kidnapped or killed on the way out. When someone wants to leave to cool down, you let them fucking leave. You never hold a person, man or woman prisoner.

[@weeboutthere427]

Jokes aside in reality you gotta be sick in the head to actually hit a woman let alone your own sister.

[@pauljh74]

"Bill says "I've seen women like that" referring to the type of woman that will assault men and expect to get away with it. Fuck, he only needs to look in the next room. He's told a story of Nia doing it, followed by her excuse for resorting to physical violence being she's "passionate". If a guy tried that shit, he'd be telling it to the cop taking him away in cuffs

[@dboudreaux986]

He been planning that slap for years...the time finally presented itself...BET!

[@joshuav8061]

Idk man, if my brother or sisters were drunk and went to sit in their car to "cool down" that's not alright. You're rocked on a thing a whiskey, your judgement is impaired, and getting behind the wheel is dangerous. If she/he didnt have the keys? No problem, or I'd ask for them. Idk man, its hard but that's just taking a pretty good chance on it.

[@JC-wv2mn]

Everyone needs a slap in the face once in their life

[@SHAKA-NEU-LU]

No one is allowed to hit another person without consequences and repercussions...man or woman. I do realize that most times when a woman slaps a man, it’s deep down from being hurt. Just realize the natural reaction of a man is to hit back, then you will deeply hurt some more

[@Danosauruscrecks]

I have a similar story. Where do you send um lol. Long story short my sister punched me in the face about 4 or 5 times before I finally grabbed her wrists so she couldn't punch me anymore, and she tried to turn it around into a hurt her when I was the one with two black eyes. Sisters are funny creatures

[@SwissMarksman]

11:55

[@edwardlewis1963]

Well: 1: she did finally get to find out something: she saw the pictures and maybe the birth certificate? 2: somebody DID keep those items; what would have happened if somebody destroyed those items?

[@keithupton86ku]

Punched him square in the face, and kicked him in the face. If that was a man doing that, he'd be in jail. Worse case scenario he could lose an eye, get a concussion, and/or become blind in one eye.

[@airsofter2247]

A ladieeee once tried to kick me in the balls at a bar; Stevie Wonder even saw this kick coming so I caught her leg and made her hop around like an idiot 😄

[@francisokore3901]

A lot of you guys here are not being objective. I won't even talk about the ladies. You can say he shouldn't have done it because 2 wrongs don't make a right. But as far as fairness is concerned, his reaction was justified. She punched him in the eye and kicked him in the face with God knows whatever boot she was wearing. Was that right? Because he tried to stop her from leaving, he deserves to have his face treated like a sand bag? Common guys. The rule should be no violence! Simple. Whether man or woman.

[@jxmmykriminallive]

dont trap an angry drunk person in a room and expect things to go smoothly. you scare they’re gonna drive then take their keys n let em go on their way

[@bingbashbosh1]

Well if he didn't let her just leave, then yeah he deserved it.

[@fistybaby9489]

He wasn’t in the wrong because she had no reason to hit him so he was fine in my book

[@bingbashbosh1]

If I wanna leave a room and you block me, you'll get fucked up. You shouldn't ever block someone from leaving the room, this guy fucked up

[@contentiouscritic]

She could demand he stop illegally confining her, and if he refused to cease she could engage in self-defense against such illegal confinement. The letter writer / brother is an asshole and a human rights violator. What he did was illegal, what she did was not

[@Fvneral_moon]

Denarzi again shut the fuck up with that dumb shit XD you just sound stupid

[@Fvneral_moon]

bingbashbosh1 that does not justify her kicking and punching him. He had the right to defend himself and give her one measly slap. If she can’t take one slap she shouldn’t be kicking and punching

[@jimmypatriot5203]

I was sitting in my car, in the garage, drinking a beer like a guy with a owi would do, lol and my girl came out freaking the fuck out on me about god knows what and she punched me square in the mouth and I just hysterically laughed. Holy shit she felt so dumb and I just went to the basement and slept it off. Still together 7 years strong! Love her to death that fight in her turns me on. It's like she cares.

[@slitherthewizardofwither6959]

Owi?

[@jimmypatriot5203]

Operating While Incredible

[@slitherthewizardofwither6959]

@@jimmypatriot5203 thanks

[@slitherthewizardofwither6959]

@@jimmypatriot5203 if you don't mind but I'm going to steal that owi. Also funny story

[@TheBalls2thewalls]

What? A woman punches me AND kicks me in the face? Hey women, you think in that situation you don't deserve to be slapped? I'm curious what women think here because a man should be able to defend himself.

[@julifunnygirl71]

A woman who does that absolutely has some retaliation coming.

[@tomanic1930]

He didnt like that dude off the bat

[@mightymoeish]

I think she kinda should be allowed to hit him if she's trying to leave the situation and he won't let her.

[@BballMaster26]

If she knew not to drive drunk and was leaving the situation by like going into a diffrent room. maybe like chest hit not a kick to the face. That would hurt so bad

[@contentiouscritic]

She is allowed to do that, it's justified self-defense. What the letter-writer / brother did in attempting to block her is actually illegal, it's called "illegal confinement" and it legally justifies her attack as self-defense in preservation of her right to freedom of movement.

[@Fvneral_moon]

She should not be allowed to kick and punch him at all. However he has the right to self defense

[@Fvneral_moon]

Denarzi no it doesn’t you dumbass XD

[@privateprivate2268]

👍

[@IbraheemalZawahiri]

bill burr is one of the finest psychologists of the human condition; f dr. phil; bring in dr. bill

[@Mezagodplays]

Family is family get over it

[@boujiatexas1870]

So they were supposed to let her leave and drive drunk? There both in the wrong but dont verbally assault yalls mother and then hit and kick your sibling in the face without expecting to get hit back. especially when alcohol is involved. Again both are in the wrong but its family shit

[@TimeForDunston]

He shouldn't have gotten involved.

[@Hausershawn]

Lol go figure a woman said this

[@thomasredden4263]

That Middleton Irish whiskey is actually delicious, im sure probably less so after getting punched in the mouth but nonetheless

[@sufficetosay3339]

A woman? It's your sister, the rules are different. If someone else does it, that's slapping a woman, if you do it, its just slapping your sister.

[@joil6649]

A Portrait In Flesh A small person would make that distinction.

[@sufficetosay3339]

@@joil6649 Or big sisters, Olive Oil. Just because you're from a meek family doesn't mean we all are. My sister's were vicious, if they kicked me in the face, they'd be getting a punch.

[@joil6649]

A Portrait In Flesh A small person would confuse not hitting a sister with being meek. I’m glad I’m not down on your level.

[@sufficetosay3339]

@@joil6649 Sure, pal. You're an elevated guy, teetering high on a pedestal just waiting to fall off. You fucking plank 😂

[@JameboHayabusa]

The brother was in the wrong trying to stop her from leaving, but they're siblings, I've seen worse shit between family lol. Add some whiskey to the mix of some old family problems and it's a recipe for some drama. The nice thing about family is that they should be able to look past that shit.

[@jackmioff100]

Amanda Nunes played the part of ronda rousey's brother.

[@BurrosSWE]

Kick me in the face and you will get knocked the fuck out, slap? What kinda nonsense is that. However i would never let things get this outta hand with my sister. The story would be more interesting if it was his wife, cus then a slap would not have been enough.

[@jim7601]

BurrosSWE nigga we know you ain't getting ass

[@silvertonjersey4177]

Sisters can get a quick smack just don't hurt em....my sister can be fucking crazy... But it's on Xmas wtf

[@sharonthompson672]

A lotta effed up comments....🤔

[@Zombikilla10789]

She was definitely drunk lol this guy is crazy enough that I could tell he wouldn’t even think of mentioning drunk driving, cuz in the south drunk driving is hella more common and casual lol people like a guy which this kind of family are crazy

[@corncobjenkins6170]

I don't talk to my family that much...My dad invites me over for Christmas everyones friendly and then he drops the bomb that everyone hates me and they're just trying to be friendly to me.. Sooo guess no more family.... Anyone wanna adopt me before I start to develop Ted Bundy esque interests.

[@perooo8526]

You should rub one out...

[@nmnp13]

Both were in the wrong , the guy should had not blocked her sister , however the sister should have calmed the fuck down and not get physical

[@LaylaSpellwind]

Slapped a woman who kicked you. Justified. If someone hits you, no matter what sex they are, they need to expect to take a smack back.

[@prison_wallet_thief]

Bill you are wrong equal rights means equal lefts...

[@heidimedel]

If you hadn't had blocked the door, I could sympathize. But you had that coming. I'm MMA and Krav Maga trained and my ex nearly killed him before I beat his ass.

[@johnboylan3832]

Haha, Krav Maga.

[@Ligierthegreensun]

Bill was trying to be wrong as often as he could be in this one. Unless the dude was physically preventing her from leaving (and even if he was, we don’t know if that was because she had been drinking and was trying to drive which would be totally valid to restrain her), she did everything wrong. Being upset by something doesn’t give you the right to say hurtful things to your family; what kind of juvenile response is that? Except to be given the same treatment as you’re giving out. If you can’t regulate your emotions you don’t need to be navigating the adult world.

[@muskokamike127]

Hey Billy blue balls, if you get into a fight and a woman swings on you, it is perfectly ok to swing back.....

[@reklis666]

My friends older brother and wife are both semi-pro MMA fighters, and their relationship gets hands on at times.... It's fucking brutal! But they love each other so they go a couple rounds, fuck and make up.

[@nicklucian2327]

that's not a valid reaction equal rights equal fights

[@lwo7736]

Okay you go have fun hitting women...

[@Thrakun]

Sorry Bill, but apparently women won't need your "human removal" invention; they can punch you and kick you.

[@auburn696]

🤣

[@anthonywynn1812]

He shouldn't have blocked the door, but she shouldn't have hit him and kicked him. There's alot more things that shouldn't have happened. There shouldn't have been whiskey involved. They should have talked about the pictures, and whether they even want to been seen. She shouldn't have cussed her mother. He shouldn't have gotten involved, it didn't concern him.... Etc just alot of stuff that should have been avoided. But when you got whiskey in your ear, telling you that you should fight... You fight.

[@Tc-nu8cu]

arm lock...leg lock... may be a full nelson. Never hit a woman in the face. That's ugly on the guys part. Walk her out the room and wash your hands of it

[@muserussell2377]

Did you do the wrong thing? Do you seriously need to ask that?

[@georgiemartin6236]

Was it on the face or the other part of your body

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

I punched my sister in the face. She was a monster. No regrets.

[@coreyhutton478]

How lightweight are Americans when 3 or 4 people on a bottle gets anyone drunk? I drink a whole bottle to myself, straight and still am not drunk. And if a Woman hits a Man and he slaps her, it's called Equality.

[@kazuhira_miller]

(Hitting a women is like hitting a kid or a dog they're defenseless) Omg don't let twitter hear that lol

[@TIOLIOfficial]

Dude shouldn't have gotten involved.