Bill Burr- Wife Dumped Me Over Text...

[@CARBINEZzZzZ]

"Id love to keep seeing you but I joined the marines, yeah.. sorry about that. Yeah I know it's crazy. Well, see ya!" 😂😂😂

[@codythompson759]

Lol! Hilarious

[@iancostigan5047]

I had a kid with a girl and we lived together for almost 6 years. She lost some weight and started hanging out old high school friends. She disappeared one day and left me with our son I moved back in with my parents because I needed help. I nor her family knew where she was. 39 days later she called and said she wanted to talk in person. Her dad drove her over because he wanted to see his grandson. While he was visiting my son, my ex and I went to talk in private. I didn't want to talk to her at all. She went on to blame me for working to hard and that our life was too normal and she couldn't live that life anymore and that she didn't love me anymore. She also said, I can not make others happy if I'm not happy. This was 9 years ago. 5 men one marriage and she is now divorced. She still has not found happiness. Luckily my son and I are very close because he has witnessed his mother's flakeyness his whole life an I've always been a constant presence. his well being and happiness was put before my own. It's funny because I thought she was a good person and never thought she would behave the way she has prior to her leaving me. She has not found happiness and is basically the same person she was 9 years ago.

[@Fuzmonster59]

Jesus, had to check your account to make sure you're not my dad Mum cheated on my dad for 5 years (which I had to coax out of her when I was a 16yo) Sister completely cut her off for years and claim she had noooooo idea why. Still with the person she cheated on my dad with who has remarried to a nice lady, so that's good But yeah pretty the way I see it the way I see it is women get bored with a comfortable life, feel without thinking that "the grass is greener on another guy" and then just fuck everything up for absolutely everyone, including themselves

[@sloanmagnum5009]

Sheesh. I've known women like that thru mutual acquaintances. They're just the worst.

[@cannabiscountry4171]

You're not drafting as a male online dating. You are in the draft.

[@jonevans870]

You can tell Bill has never actually done online dating

[@toxicbreez4277]

Why would anyone do that? Lol

[@seanyshepfit]

Not a bad thing

[@johnathan4185]

ironically bill would have a great experience on dating apps if he tried.. cos hes bill burr

[@BlackwaterFather]

You better hope he's not mad at yaaaaahallelujahhhh!!! Lmao

[@brandonhaygood5286]

Bill's ignorance on online dating lol

[@francescolimberti7306]

The last 50 seconds of this video are the best 50 seconds in KZbin

[@sueblack5794]

Bill is awesome but Bill has never been on a dating app and they only work for some. They aren't filled with the best of us, the very opposite of it.

[@rorycrabbe7146]

True that bro

[@ss-wu1vp]

What is filled with the best of us. Dating is a numbers game either way.

[@sueblack5794]

@@ss-wu1vp Oh for F sake, how the heck do you think people met before apps. Go outside and do something, gets some hobbies and get off of the couch and in front of a screen. Also....guarantee that mans ex is on dating apps, 100%. That is the type of people on them.

[@LLG47]

@@sueblack5794 also, people lie like crazy on dating apps through doctored or optimistic pictures, only the best parts of the character etc. It's like sales. Harder to hide things in real life.

[@insanity4462]

Dating apps are for beautiful people that either don't have enough fuck buddies yet or are too toxic to keep them around. Even my little brother - who would be called "mega Chad" in redpill circles - doesn't use dating apps, because he has his trusted goup of girls in a whatsapp group. If you are looking for a decent relationship, oddly enough dating apps is the worst place to look for it.

[@eltooyo2]

Best commentary on Organized Religion that I've heard in a very long time.

[@jonathanwobesky9507]

8:33 "you can't corral that" never better said. What a communicata.

[@rubykrussg]

I'm gonna save Bills singing as a ringtone. That was brilliant!

[@brettg274]

I’m so glad I got married back when online dating was new and still for losers. I would hate to navigate that world these days.

[@RayBetterThanEvilCanival]

It fucking sucks so I don’t blame you

[@daifukuu]

ah dude online dating can suck my nuts, the narcissism there is unbelievable

[@nicholasr7987]

Online dating sucks. These women find out your married, still jump on it, then get mad and tell your wife.

[@loganmcfar530]

Shouldn’t be cheating on your wife in the first place with that hypothetical

[@HittokiriBatosai]

I think you meant to say cheating sucks lmao

[@sherry2297]

Sounds like being married (to you) sucks.

[@nicholasr7987]

It was sarcasm. There is no hope for people, if you think someone would actually say that as anything but. If you need an emoji to decifer communication....it must suck being married to you all.

[@loganmcfar530]

@@nicholasr7987 Bro, you are literally talking in text. How the fuck are we supposed to know you are being sarcastic? There are plenty of stupid people out there who actually believe what you are saying. We just thought u were one of them. 🤷

[@optimum2008]

"What's after that?... Stun gun?" 😂

[@ComradeDt]

with the first pick of the tinder draft! *ding ding* HAHAHAHAHHA

[@ariasyesen]

The Catholicism bit at the end is the realist thing about catholic mass bahaha “Get on your knees sinner”

[@kitcobain444]

6:00 til the end LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣💀

[@elee9124]

Oooooh jeeeeezus

[@primepap]

11:22 is hilarious

[@mrryan4295]

Honestly half the dating profiles you come across nowadays are just ads for Instagram or only fans

[@sir_smilesalot7589]

As a pretty devout catholic, that bit on catholicism was fucking hilarious!

[@HarderTime89]

Im still healing from my ex. I gotta send him my story yet. Worse than most of them Ive heard him talk about.

[@daifukuu]

you can do it dude. been there done that. best of wishes.

[@AreyMSalih]

@@sully-coco sounds really hectic

[@toxicbreez4277]

@@sully-coco don't let these Micahs and Mary Beth's in your life! Get you an Arthur Morgan, a good boah.. 🤠 and don't ever go back to either of those cowpokes, no matter how much they try to convince you just one more score. Luv ya

[@micahwright5901]

@@toxicbreez4277 Hey now… 😢

[@ashi1922]

That man needs a retraining order. Stalking is just as unacceptable for women.

[@stevenfoster9402]

The reason online dating can be difficult is because people can lie and make up a character or version of themselves to attract people but they aren't anything like what they say in their profile. Looks, personality, hobbies, etc. You want better chances to find someone you actually have commonalities with, go do out something you actually enjoy. Follow your own hobby. You like trying new foods, go to a local food festival, you like going bowling, go bowling. You like reading, go to a library (yes a library, they still exist). Chances are, you might find someone who shares the same hobbies and interests you do, and might be a great time to stike up a conversation. You don't even have to go alone, bring a friend, and don't go looking for love. People can tell, especially women, when you're "on the hunt." Do what you you enjoy and what makes you happy for you, and if you happen to find someone there that enjoys the same thing, then there you go. Get off of online dating and try something new, or how we used to do things before everybody had a phone in their face.

[@SuigaRou]

Wait, you get to eat marshmallows for eternity? *Joins the church.*

[@rorycrabbe7146]

Lmao love it

[@lrrich8023]

Even from a girlfriend/boyfriend, dump by text is sooooo weakkkkkkk.

[@petercampbell183]

Back in the day, my girl broke up with me via fax. After seven years, living in Paris. Brutal.

[@davidperez5089]

Sounds extremely selfish. You never saw it coming?

[@petercampbell183]

@@davidperez5089 I was shooting in Morocco for 6 weeks and came home to an apartment totally empty except for the fax machine.....

[@davidperez5089]

@@petercampbell183 rough! Most of my girlfriends have thoroughly disappointed me. Not the current one of 1+year. Good luck.

[@ThatoneGuy-zd4rl]

Did it take 7 years to get the fax?

[@petercampbell183]

@@ThatoneGuy-zd4rl No, the fax came as soon as I returned to Paris. I rolled around in that empty apartment for three months, just hating life.

[@MRJTD99]

I wish Bill was the pastor at my school's church back in the day

[@johnphillip2566]

My schools church? 🥴

[@occipitalneuralgia2339]

@@johnphillip2566 you never heard of parochial school? Pretty common.

[@johnphillip2566]

@@occipitalneuralgia2339 - I see.

[@toxicbreez4277]

@@occipitalneuralgia2339 I haven't lol

[@strachanspodcast5951]

Online dating has made the dating world way more competitive

[@calebfromblood6915]

Online dating is just people looking for a checklist / shopping list and is all about artificial connections. NATURAL connection is lost. Got a crush at the office and you both have that natural attraction? That’s how you find people. Not attention whoring online for validation. Women seem to be more guilty of this but I see dudes doing it too, although not as much

[@MKULTRA_Victim_]

Yeh I wish online dating worked like that LMAO

[@jhonfamo8412]

That's what happens when you're so kind I don't respect you. it's sad that it's that way

[@PathIsntReal]

That’s sounds like a *you* problem.

[@SirYaliBeats]

That’s being a pushover. Being kind isn’t the problem

[@solidwegy61]

Hallelujah heealleluyeeah! LOL!

[@gregeads6124]

You gotta be straight with a crazy girl. Nip it the bud. Nip it

[@chrissy9153]

Don’t get married early y’all

[@codythompson759]

Bill you kill me! I only wish online dating was that cool haha Its just about a joke. I was on a couple dating sites for 4 years until FINALLY I found a decent woman. Alot of baggage!!

[@jhonfamo8412]

Wear a rubber

[@nicholasr7987]

Do not give oral either. Herpes is disgusting

[@MRJTD99]

Always good advice regardless of context!

[@MrToddling]

Thanks Dr Phil...I mean Bill

[@r.l.erdody7726]

String her along if she doesn't leave while your in basic maybe she is the one move her to the friend zone

[@klompsauce]

That's where the music is? Whites are greatest musicians ever.

[@watching99134]

In all fairness he was talking more about singing.

[@jasontorrens626]

Lol, nope

[@zerpblerd5966]

feck off with this ignorant nonsense we're all people, we aren't separated by race, that is a social construction we have different skin tones

[@gregeads6124]

Yeah take your time. Its hurts like a bitch for a minute but when you look back at that train wreck you will so thankful your gone.

[@lifemocker85]

online dating does only work for women

[@user-ui6ef5ei7t]

well bill, you summaried the bibble shows well...

[@j.borchard2208]

I’m practicing Roman Catholic, go once a month and that Bit Bill fucking Rocked! LMFAO! 🤪🤩😆

[@dr.jonesmurphy5743]

Online dating is no good man

[@micmo6640]

Half the US economy was in bed with ol' Adolf and there have been priests actively resisting and dying in the concentration camps. But knowing the details isn't necessarily something we can expect from a comedian doing part-time philosophical advice, is it?

[@amsterdamnl5505]

Almost pissed my pants laughing about the religious sh×t. 🤣🤣🤣

[@TaddiestMason]

Haha haha hahahaha

[@poncetek-1119]

Draft IF they are using up to date pics & not pics from when they were 18 now 27. Games women play are horrible FR

[@MakeUmad4life]

Online dating is stupid. Go out in meet people in real life.

[@eddygatlin]

Update on the biblical stuff is so true, consciousness and philosophy is always evolving so why is that so called almighty stuff stuck in archaic times if future generations are to keep believing

[@jonathanjollimore7156]

Just a guess but this was not true love?

[@depressedessendonfan5702]

CON TIKI TOUR.

[@xellosmetallium8519]

Bill, take on religion here is hilarious because it is true. The stories they tell, no mater what religion, always talk about how grateful we should be to god and how we can get into Heaven by enormous self sacrifice either by giving money we don't have, praying and fasting all the time, or by doing charity work we don't have time for; because we are working all the time just to survive. It's makes me sad, you can't just be kind to your fellow man or woman, respect gods law while being thankful for your life, or give a few bucks here and there when you can anymore. That it's no longer enough to love god and everything we have received as a blessing.

[@holdencommodorehsv]

The religious God isnt real, there is no proof of God.

[@slappymcbutterballs7326]

it's hilarious because it's so false. No where in the bible does it say any of those things.

[@utubedestroysmytime]

That woman TRIED getting close to him and in 5 years he’ll be some lone loser and still bragging over her.

[@watching99134]

Bill's usually hilarious but he should stay in his lane sometimes and not just with online dating, the chief rabbi of Rome converted to Catholicism after the war (Israel Zolli) and his (Bill's) ideas come from the book "Hitler's Pope" which generated a response by a Florida-based rabbi David Dalin, "The Myth of Hitler's Pope". (It's just historical revisionism as part of the secular-liberal cultural war of our era.)

[@Paul-ou1rx]

Dude, have fun, make money then settle down if you want with a 23 year old. During that time, don't date anyone over 28.

[@Edmond347]

How old are you? 19? What an idiotic advice.

[@AssGoober492]

@@Edmond347 I mean it’s not completely bad idea to me. (I am a 19 year old btw)

[@Edmond347]

@@AssGoober492 It’s the most moronic idea I’ve ever heard. You should never settle with a 23-year-old. It’s going to be a disaster. She knows squat about life and commitment. Same for a guy. And you should only date women who know what they like and dislike, and have life experience. If you want a meaningful relationship that is. If you just want to fuck around, age doesn’t matter. But “settling” means a relationship to me. You’ll find out soon enough how dumb his idea is.

[@Watcher4111]

Dont settle down. Dont marry. Thats good advice

[@wienerstein2817]

@@Watcher4111 Okay Pioneer Nut.

[@jimwerther]

Bill couldn't say it, but I will: The first guy is a sad, pathetic soul. Unless and until he fundamentally changes who he is and how he thinks, he will never be happy.

[@sunshinestate1306]

Could you elaborate?

[@normantheforeman9866]

Pope Francis is retiring??

[@peterfallon4018]

GET THE F OFF ONLINE DATING!!!! Meet people in real life, stumble if you must, you’ll get better & soon you’ll be off to the races!!!

[@boiiiwanda905]

Why

[@johnphillip2566]

How is it possible to only sleep with 2 girls by 30 years old? That’s almost impressive!

[@legendkillersshittyduffleb932]

Well you might think I'm Jesus cause I'm 32 never had sex lol

[@alaron5698]

@@legendkillersshittyduffleb932 A wizard! What an honor!

[@legendkillersshittyduffleb932]

@@alaron5698 i guess. I hate it but i have too work in it. American women have high damn standards

[@BenDover-de7tf]

@@legendkillersshittyduffleb932 goddamm bro , ya lost ya VCard since this comment ? Haha

[@nathanmiller9918]

@@legendkillersshittyduffleb932 Doing okay? I feel like you're obviously in your own head, and getting in your own way. I understand if you're looking for "the one," but if you are just looking to have sex there's nothing difficult about it beyond getting in our own way. Women want it too. Maybe it's a confidence issue, or your approach. I don't pretend to know what you're like, but there are definitely women here with absolutely no standards. Remember that you miss all of the swings that you don't take.

[@saintd_ii]

Cringe npc take.