Bisexual in a ‘Straight’ Relationship: Therapist Explains Bisexuality

[@superduper5698]

Thank you for offering such compassionate insight on a meaningful topic☀

[@JohnPaulDaviesTTP]

You’re very welcome and thanks so much for saying, I really appreciate it 😊

[@mizzworthy]

As someone who did not realise until I was married with a child that I was bisexual I found this really helpful and validating. I realised quickly that denying that part of me wasn't an option, but I didn't want my relationship to change. My husband is very supportive. I connect with my bisexual identity through online LGBTQIA+ groups and reading literature about bisexuality and podcasts etc. I also have a few friends who are LGBT and they are very supportive. I'm slowly coming out to people I feel safe around but my realisation was largely delayed by traumatic events that happened when I was younger and I'm not willing to have to explain or justify that to people. I'm hoping to look into therapy one day to help process that, but I'm dealing with this on my own terms.

[@JohnPaulDaviesTTP]

Hi there, thanks so much for your comments, both from the point of view of what you say about the video and also what you say about what’s been happening for you around this. It’s really helpful for me to hear and I’m sure anyone else who reads it too. Sounds to me like the choices you’re making are very wise and I’m pleased for you that you have supportive people and spaces around you, I think that’s one of the most important things. By the way, do you have a particular online community group that you’d recommend? If you ever want to talk about therapy specifically and how it might help, I’d be happy to do that by the way. In any event, thanks again and I wish you all the best for the future, John-Paul

[@martingerlitz1162]

Yes I am same! You are not alone!

[@anjersey-o1d]

I am following a similar process with learning and accepting who I am via the same means, and feel empowered to express same on my own terms with whomever I wish.

[@Aroundhere185]

Easy for a women to do. Not so much for a man.

[@arcanearcher13]

Bi women have it on easy mode, you are fetishized. Bi men are hated.

[@NH-ub4ub]

Hi, thanks for this video. It was really informative regarding how it's unhealthy to separate parts of "the self" and how this can impact our mental wellbeing. I also wondered why the reference for being Bisexual in a straight relationship. I recognise that a couple where there are 2 people who identify as male and female, this outwardly looks like a heterosexual couple. However, a Bisexual person who is in a relationship with someone of the same gender cannot outwardly show they are indeed Bisexual not Gay. I think others may feel their queerness is more validated but it can still further Bi erasure as there's no or little outward relationship that shows your sexuality. I think this is what makes it so important for people to talk openly about being Bisexual if they want to.

[@JohnPaulDaviesTTP]

Hi there, thank so much for your comment and, yes, I completely agree with what you say. It’s just as relevant to someone who’s in a same sex relationship. The reason I did the straight relationship was purely because that was the piece I was asked to contribute focussed on. I wonder also whether that might be because statistically most bi people are in ‘opposite’ sex relationships. As I say though, I think it’s a great point you make and thank you for making it. I’d love to speak to someone on the channel who’s in a same sex relationship in this situation, and/or read their story out, so hopefully that happens and more of a range of experiences can be represented, John-Paul

[@msjennifer6119]

Hi, thanks for the video. Can you include the sources to the studies on bisexual people that you mentioned in the beginning of the video?

[@JohnPaulDaviesTTP]

Of course, yes, the figures come from a Pew Research Center survey on LGBTI Americans that was carried out in 2013.

[@msjennifer6119]

@@JohnPaulDaviesTTP Thank you!

[@tinkerin7491]

Thank you for posting this. Are there any resources or communities to meet other bi/pan people just for friends that are already married?

[@JohnPaulDaviesTTP]

Thanks for your message. As far as I know, there aren’t any communities specifically for people in ‘straight’ marriages, but, as many bi people are in this situation, I’m sure any bi community or meet up group is likely to have people who share this experience. You can find bi communities on meetup.com for example. If anyone reading this has any other suggestions, please do add them, that would be great. I did think myself of starting some sort of online community for people who share this experience, but haven’t yet done so. If anyone else is interested in the idea, do feel free to contact me, thanks.

[@raymondjblaze7761]

I don’t label my sexuality. According to society, I be classified as bisexual. I Though I am equally attracted to both, I perfer to be with a woman. For the note, I have been in serious heterosexual relationships. Reason being, I find that woman are more supportive, and make better lovers and friends with benefits. I believe that a true relationship lies between a man and a woman u have mostly dated woman. A good woman would stand by a man. I tried dating a guy before, and it didn’t work. He treated me far more worse than my ex girlfriend. I wouldn’t date a dude again. I find men to be emotionally distant, unsupportive, nasty, and always in competition with each other. Being physical with a woman is awesome. Gay relationships are far more dramatic than heterosexual relationships and hook ups. I believe that is why most bisexuals end up in heterosexual relationships.

[@JohnPaulDaviesTTP]

It’s interesting to hear some your story and experience, thank you

[@Aroundhere185]

Interesting indeed. I've only been with trans girls and women. I can say that 50% of the girls I've dated were repulsed I dated trans women and the other half didn't care. They just wanted monogamy.

[@paulkirkland1535]

As someone who identifies with the B part of LGBT, I can understand where a person who is this way is coming from. I lost my high school sweetheart because I didn't know how to deal with this matter. So I figured it's better to just let her go rather than break her heart. This was over 40 years ago and I still agonize over this lost love. I'm in a gay relationship now but would love to have a bisexual relationship. I'm tired of hiding, but for my safety it's best to do so but it hurts. Maybe one day ill finally be in this type of relationship, until then I just dream. 😢💔

[@JohnPaulDaviesTTP]

Wow, that’s quite a story Paul, thank you for telling some of it, I appreciate it. I feel for you and really wish you peace with it at some point. By the way, it has crossed my mind that if anyone wanted to write to me with something of their story, I’d happily read it out on this channel. They might feel like it would help them and I’m would sure help others. If you ever wanted that to happen, just let me know, John-Paul

[@lukemoen4060]

I’m that 1 in 10 bisexual man that has exclusively lived in gay relationships since adulthood! Interesting.

[@JohnPaulDaviesTTP]

Hi there, thanks for commenting, yes, really interesting, would be interesting to hear your experience of it all 😊