Borderline and Other Things

[@Jarnierae]

I’m using these podcasts as a temporary replacement for therapy while I keep searching for the right fit.. thank you so much for sharing your work 💓✨

[@cloe11121]

These always come out right when I wake up for work and it’s my favorite thing to start my day with. Haha

[@qvaken8142]

9:52 I just want to jump in and say that if someone said to me on a first date what Bob is role playing, I would probably have to be honest about a couple of things. One, I feel scared when I hear you say that. I have been in relationships previously where the other person told me something about themselves struggling or having a pattern of behaviours, then they mistreated me in some way or another. Then when I complained about the mistreatment, instead of apologising, they told me that they warned me about what they were like and that I knew what I was getting into. When that happened it really hurt me, and after hearing you say that, I feel worried that you would hurt me too. I don't say that to hurt you, I'm just trying to be honest too. Two, I'm not sure that I'm secure enough or that my mental health is good enough to properly be there for you. And I'm worried that you may not be in a position to be there for me. So thank you for telling me that, because I think that a relationship probably wouldn't work out between the two of us. (And I would hope you wouldn't consider that immature, Dr. Honda!) Of course, that's what I'd say if I had my two feet on the ground, I wasn't distracted by love and just wanting things to work out, and whatever else can happen once it's no longer a role play and it's a person to whom you've become attached! I hope I could be that honest in real life - with my current partner I definitely would, but I have behaved in unhealthy ways in previous relationships, including by deluding myself, so I worry that there's every chance I could return to that pattern of behaviour again.

[@itskaybe6348]

If you could say that, I personally think that is a great and very mature response. It would be very hard to be that honest. And I think Dr. Honda would agree.

[@qvaken8142]

@@itskaybe6348 Thank you!

[@bigwhy6845]

Agree, sometimes when people disclose a "dark side" to their love interest, it's code for "I'm a mess and you're going to have to deal with it." I'd definitely be asking some follow-up questions like: are you in therapy, have you verbally abused all your partners, what would you define as a signal of rejection, are you open to dialogue when you're triggered, do you apologize after you act out, how did your last breakup go, etc.

[@weronikamuller459]

I would have married Bob after that date

[@Authentistic-ism]

Disclosing borderline, or another diagnosis that comes with rejection sensitivity like I have, is such a hard question in a new relationship. It took me many years and relationship experiences to even put two and two together that my symptoms emerge within a relationship. In the past I was always terrified to disclose until my symptoms were causing relationship issues. In the more recent past I would tell people sooner, definitely before any sex, but it will usually result in rejection. It seems like my generation, the Millennials, expect sex by the third date. Many new relationship Partners will be patient until the third date but no longer. It has made things extremely difficult when I want to wait more dates before having sex so that I can suss out how they feel about mental health issues first.

[@PCLHH]

Oof that's tough. They should just buy a sex doll, imo. Because people are complex, and if youwant to be in a relationship, you should be willing to deal with this complexity.

[@artisticagi]

Suss em out for those who are looking for build a solid connection and willing to wait and allow it to unfold naturally. Not all millennials are like that. 😛 Maybe that can help you with the other stuff.

[@lanagustafson2905]

I once got badly triggered by a breakup and told him about my mental health issues after he dumped me. He ended up becoming a good friend and was also the person who finally convinced me to go to therapy. But I definitely felt like I was hiding something while we were dating

[@lanagustafson2905]

I think I overshared on a 5th date with someone recently. He was coming on really strong and I have avoidant tendencies. I rarely find myself interested in someone right off the bat so I can’t reciprocate but I wanted to give it a chance. The thought that this could actually turn into a relationship made me really emotional and I told him a lot about my childhood to try to help him understand that I feel hopeful about us but I need time. In the end it didn’t work out cuz I wasn’t attracted to him. It’s difficult cuz I’m not one to pursue relationships (romantic or not) and I need a lot of time to develop feelings for someone. So I end up being single for a looooong time lol.

[@lemonleen]

There's an Applebee's in Bellevue. Bel-Red Road.

[@DrWhack]

Psychology of Squid Game please

[@coconutbarbelle]

You two are just great.💙

[@AloraCanRead]

“You can have a banana. Metaphorically or in reality.”

[@lanagustafson2905]

There’s a show called “crazy ex girlfriend” where the main character has borderline. I wonder if you’ve seen it and what your take might be

[@AliveBoldTV]

Wow, is this what goes down at the podcast? I need to subscribe!

[@rando42069]

I usually self-disclosed on the second date. I felt personally that for me, I'd want to know if my potential partner was dealing with mental issues and/or addictions. It seems very unfair for me to judge another based on their mental struggles, I know. But I kept an eye out for their behavior to gauge just how serious the illness is, how much insight/awareness they seem to have about it, whether they've sought or are seeking treatment for it, and are they working through it or have already worked through the bulk of it. Yeah, it's unfair for me to judge. I have to stay as emotionally healthy as possible, though. No one's going to look out for me and have as much of an invested interest in me than me. And my potential partner deserves to know what he'd be dealing with if he decided to move forward. He can't say I didn't give him any notice or an early out without heartbreak.

[@qvaken8142]

Do you think there's a difference between judging vs. being upfront and honest about your needs, though?

[@rando42069]

@@qvaken8142 That's a good point. I feel like I'm judging, in a way, because it might seem hypocritical of me to turn down a potential partner based on mental illness when I myself also have mental illness. But I think I do see your point on this. We have to take care of our own emotional wellness. And one way to do that is to protect ourselves from getting entangled in a relationship that could very well compromise our own mental wellness.

[@nsanenthembrane]

Kirk please do analysis on the cast of married at first sight especially this season!!!