Can Narcissists Change? | IGOR WEINBERG

We often hear that people with pathological narcissism don't change. But it seems they can improve - both symptomatically and functionally - as a result of life events and/or change-oriented treatment.
Dr. Igor Weinberg is a psychotherapist and expert on pathological narcissism, personality disorders (BPD and NPD) and suicidal behaviors. He works at Harvard Medical School & McLean Hospital.
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[@Lordofthefliess]

The vase thing in Japan is called kintsugi for anyone curious.

[@recklessmarinedad]

I can honestly say i believe i was a narcissist but at the age if 30 i had my first child a daughter and she is 2 years old now i have completely changed without a doubt something chsnged i put somenody elses happiness an well being before mine for the first time in my life. An it wasnt just towards my daughter i became honest in all aspects of my life including with myself. I stopped lieng in my relationships an i didnt even realize until recently the changes i went through until looking into narcissistic behaviors trying to understand because of someone else in my lfie and then i realized that use to be me...ppl often tell me lately how much ive changed an im so glad and grateful im truly not that person anymore.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Thanks for this. -P

[@kenyabarley422]

Kudos to you!!!! 👍👍👍

[@karenhartman9774]

Thanks for this. I need to feel more hopeful for the world.

[@outoforbit00]

It is often said that parenthood improves people. In the case of men, they grow up fast.

[@recklessmarinedad]

@@outoforbit00 exactly they are our guidance as much as we are there's

[@aleesmith]

Beautiful! Thank you so much for helping people to feel more hopeful.

[@ayembic7933]

I need to be a great person, but I can see that I cant be. I need to survive, which means at minimum to be liked. The safest most secure way to be liked is to be a nice person, or act kindly to people. I have no idea how to do that, it doesn't occur naturally to me at all. I hope I can learn though. Even if I cant be a good person, I want to be better, so I can find peace, and not hate myself like this

[@ayembic7933]

I'm autistic and a 20 something adult so that may be why, yeah. Socializing is extremely painful all of the time because I'm clumsy about it. Being around people is like a constant ongoing failure in not being able to connect, act, talk or listen appropriately. I can tell that I'm making mistakes, but not what they are in time to not repeat them. I can't intuit how other people feel, and I can't feel how they feel when they explain it to me either. I try to make a habit of thinking of others to be more considerate and kind, but everyone is an enigma. I can only guess how they feel by finding similarities within myself and assuming they feel the same. Generally, I'm just totally self absorbed in my own fantasy/reality of myself, where everything is coloured in terms of success and failure, and success is defined as superior. Other people are like cardboard cut-outs, side characters that only exist to make me criticize myself more, or they're not on my radar at all. People only seem relevant when they make a suggestion about how they feel about me. I'm self diagnosing with NPD, but its difficult to tell because ASD causes empathy and emotional regulation issues and its typical I think to grow up being ignored/shamed/criticized by parents who don't care to understand an autistic child. When you're taught that you're never enough or intrinsically disgusting and wrong, your specific difficulties are shamed and the only time you get validation from caregivers is in a handful of backhanded compliments about your accolades throughout your childhood, its hard to get a healthy self esteem. I dont know if thats NPD that I'm describing or just growing up autistic, so I'm trying to figure it out. Thanks for asking /gen@@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye

[@krietor]

​@@ayembic7933I'm being serious here, and not blowing smoke up your arse. I'm not trying to encourage you in spite of any perception or prejudice on my part. I will allow that I think I'm trying to be helpful, though: I am often amazed when I see that people with autism spectrum disorder are in some ways truly both less able to be self-aware than an "average" neurotypical (whatever that is lol) but in some senses also _much_more_ self-aware . . . You present an exemplar of that phenomenon, I think. I'm pretty sure that however you acquired it, you have a degree of self-awareness that _most_people_ just do not. Perhaps it results from the intense attention you have given to your own condition. Perhaps it is partly caused by the condition itself. It is yours, however. You are the one doing it. You seem to be quite eloquent as a writer, as well. I feel as if I got a very clear picture (although of course it's not complete) of your world. Perhaps even though it is difficult for you to relate socially, you can relate well & effectively through writing. It might be worth exploring sincerely. Maybe there's an area of interest and/or expertise that you possess about which you can expound & share ideas through writing. Your general grammar & spelling & syntax are good. I do relate, although my experience has been different. I didn't have any clue about nomenclature or psych theory when I was younger. When I was twenty-something, I felt very different. I still do. I think I may be entrenched in masking, or perhaps something like it. I'm mostly more comfortable in my life, but I still know I'm different. I do sometimes experience real burnout and I have other issues like low-energy & low motivation, even though I'm full of brilliant ideas. . . . Undiagnosed autism I'm guessing. I am looking forward to beginning clinical psychological exploration. I have an appointment with a shrink for the first time ever. Eventually I want to do therapy - the kind where you just talk - blah blah blah... Lol. Maybe I can figure me out. Thank you for sharing. It's useful to me, comparing & thinking about my experiences upon reading about your struggle. Perhaps it'll become easier for you as you mature. Have a good 1.

[@krietor]

​@@ayembic7933By the way, you look like a cardboard cutout. Just kidding. But it's like that for everyone. We can really only see our internal model of reality, not the real reality, ever. The trick is to learn that there is quite a bit to learn from the real people who are there inside, or behind those cutouts. Fun puzzle. Listen to Bob Marley - Babylon By Bus is a good record. Concrete Jungle is one of the best pieces of music. Aloha!

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

@@krietor Put it on

[@hypnosesgodchild]

Hey... I also have NPD or at the very least narcissistic traits and am trying to work on it. I'm probably on the spectrum too and most definitely struggle with social situations and social skills. I'm sorry you're in a situation similar to mine but at least we're not alone :') I hope you're doing good and good luck!!

[@lavintella]

When I was in my early twenties, I slowly began to notice that I showed some traits of narcissism (it was not easy to recognize at first because it was not "overt" as I was socially anxious and I'm also an introvert). It was a defense mechanism that I had developed during severe abuse (physical, verbal, emotional and financial) from my mom. My father was largely absent. My mom used to devalue me so much that I developed a narcissist way of thinking in an attempt to protect my self-worth (I think it was life-saving at that time, it helped me to bear the verbal abuse even though I'm still traumatized by the physical abuse and the death threats from my mom), I thought secretly "No, I will be a great person, I have a very good potential to become someone well-known and many people will notice my worth even if you don't". I wanted to become an actress because of that, I was not realistic in my situation. My mom showed traits of the histrionic personality disorder and there was a certain level of narcissism as well. My mom often put in my sister's head and mine that, as her children, we were above the other children, particularly the poorer ones at school, which is strange because we were in the lower class ourselves (while devaluing us a lot the other times), and I feel that it was also one of the reasons why I developed a narcissist way of thinking. I also showed signs of a sense of entilement that I noticed for the first time when I went abroad for a week to practice English, I was upset towards my roomate (who was 22) because I overslept and she didn't wake me up before we had to go to the language school. I shouldn't have been upset towards her, she was not my mom, I was 18 and waking up on time was my responsability. The look she gave me without saying anything when I asked her in an angry tone of voice "Why didn't you wake me up?" (as soon as I woke up, without even saying to her "Good morning") put me right back in my place (we got along very well the whole time, maybe this is why her disapproving look made a difference because I valued our budding friendship). I started to consciously make the effort to think and act more humbly and it has now become natural. I also noticed after a working experience that I could be defensive before and I worked a lot on that as well (by learning about efficient ways to communicate, assertiveness and taking the time to pause before replying if an answer is necessary in a particular situation), it took time to improve my behavior. Being open to the feedback from several (mentally healthy) people in your life is important as well as developing self-awareness (one of the ways I have used is to read on psychology websites what is a toxic behavior and to analyse my interactions with people, even though it hurts when we realize that we sometimes act in a poor way, being ok with the sentence "I don't know" too as I don't need to give an opinion on a topic I'm not knowledgeable enough). It's so strange when the ego is no longer something important, truly thinking that I'm not better or worse than anyone else is actually liberating because I put less pressure on myself, even though that realization was depressing at first. What also helped me a lot was my late uncle who gave me psychology books when I suffered from eating disorders and from the difficult relationship with my late mom (he didn't know the details of the abuse that I kept private), it was his wonderful way to help me and I have kept learning more and more about psychology thanks to him. I made huge improvements compared to my previous behavior but I'm aware that it is a life-long process as I have to watch myself regularly not to fall back into narcissistic tendencies in case they reappear (same thing for my eating disorders tendencies), knowing that I didn't have the healthiest upbringing to say the least, without falling into an unhealthy self-centered approach where I would take all my time to "perfect" my behavior, accepting some of my flaws that don't harm anyone or myself and being curious to learn about other people is important to avoid that.

[@kenyabarley422]

This honestly is eye opening. Thank you. You have an excellent attitude and I hope you're feeling better emotionally and with others!

[@lavintella]

@@kenyabarley422 Thank your very much for your kind comment!

[@kenyabarley422]

@@lavintella you're welcome it can't be easy but it's possible. Chin up! One day all illnesses will end.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Thanks very much for this. Did you also have formal therapy or did you mainly improve through your own efforts? -P

[@lavintella]

@@BorderlinerNotes I didn't have any formal therapy to treat my narcissistic tendencies, I improved through my own efforts.

[@herbieshine1312]

Just a comment for the algorithm! Thank you for this upload

[@markc5960]

A friend of mine who's a semi retired addiction therapist remarked once there may be a recovery ego, I gather from the context that has to do with being admired for the work in that community. Although there's talk about 'right sized' in those circles I suppose it can be meaningful even if it might involve some kind of inflation.

[@hectorperez1380]

It's he in Ny ?

[@benjaminscott51]

Thumbs up for saying narcissists can change. Too many channels claiming it's impossible.

[@jelena7440]

Off course he will say that, he makes his living from treating patients. But they will never change.

[@benjaminscott51]

@@jelena7440 And apparently neither will you?

[@jelena7440]

@@benjaminscott51 In what way?

[@benjaminscott51]

@@jelena7440 In not allowing snap judgment transference destroy your capacity to see humans, including yourself, as having the capacity for truthful action in the world while also having personal incentives for all we do.

[@jelena7440]

@@benjaminscott51 you are just making excuse for narcissist behavior on a my expence. Nothing can justify them.

[@TK-fm5ud]

What is meant specifically by ״functional” in this context?

[@dirtyunclehubert]

in my humble experience, only deep suffering / trauma aka deep intense emotional discomfort (funnily enough exactly what created peoples personality disorders to appear) can and will cause sustainable change in people with NPD.

[@noidea3326]

It depends. I think that sometimes “narcissistic injuries” bring to very depressive states and also suicide.

[@AnimosityIncarnate]

​@@noidea3326I agree. But that's sort of the type of thing that needs to happen. You have to be pushed so far... That's the wake up call. I either get help, or I will die.

[@noidea3326]

@@AnimosityIncarnate thank you for sharing your point of view. Do you think this for every kind of person with npd? I think that vulnerable narcissists are more self conscious even before therapy

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

I am one. Can you explain? What caused NPD and what is the psychology and why this would help?

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

@@AnimosityIncarnate Where does this come from?

[@hippopotamus6765]

Narcissism is to some extent within all of us. Its a spectrum disorder. The full overt NPD is often mind blowingly confronting, while the more subtle insidious versions are particularly challenging to identify. Suggesting to people they change behaviour is hugely difficult for them/or ourselves to grasp. Subsequently, real change seldom occurs.

[@christinarrukaj2016]

I wish there was a way to fully intergrate a sense of self for NPD

[@ange7422]

Maybe there is a way.

[@bbyng7316]

What self?

[@cyndigooch1162]

@christinrrukaj2016 I've always believed that it's possible for highly narcissistic individuals to heal (I'm also aware that many, if not most, won't do it) and Dr Mark Ettensohn, who has a channel called Heal NPD, is having success in this area! Of course, it's best not to give false hope to people in unsafe relationships, because the person needs to be actively doing their healing work, which involves grieving and feeling immense pain. They'd need to stop drinking and/or partaking in other drugs as well since it's not possible to heal properly while still numbing emotional pain, which psychiatric drugs do too. 😊

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

I am one. I have some ideas. We are children in a world we experienced as hostile from the start. We need to grow that parent we failed to integrate because the place wa already taken by the bully we put into place to keep a sense of control very early on. We believe we have discussions with ourselves but we really have discussions with our bully which are not really nice. We are scared of letting go of the bully as if he was going to take revenge. I guess we must go step by step. I believe that writing can help. But to whom? Handwrting is good for the brain. Activities with our hands. Get massage therapy , we need to get a sense of where we start and where we finish, we need touch. The sense of self is developped through a parental figure at first. We need to find a way to create that parent. The self grows at the same pace. It's organic really. Also we need to be with people. I ipersonally learned to share thoughts I felt ashamed of with time with my friends. People say we are not accountable. Well yes and no but the thing is whe have no reward being accountable. It was not us but the other that we sent into this hostile world. It was us. But don't experience it as such. Same with achievements. It's not dismissive attachment, it's an attachment between two people we distrust: us and the other. Your comment is so on point. What would be needed is a multi-dimensional approach. IMAO. Speech therapy can make us feel hopeless because we feel we can never become adults and feel alienated by therapists telling us we should be like this or like that , which we know but believe is just impossible. Therapists are totally overlooking this issue.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

​@@bbyng7316 What do you mean?

[@judewuski]

In many cases of true undiagnosed NPD individuals, there is little motivating the individual to get to a place where an accurate diagnosis is within the realm of possibility. Meanwhile, those who must interact w/the individual (family members who have not left or cannot leave, can suffer greatly, having pathologies develop as the unDx’d NPD individual keeps impacting everyone else adversely.

[@adip6476]

I am self diagnosed and I think I do qualify for NPD diagnosis of vulnerable narcissism not malignant narcissism, I have an avoidant personality disorder too. I never in my life abused and always had empathy, my way with dealing with grandiosity and this deep urge for narcissistic supply is praying. When ever I feel superior or inferior I pray repetitively that God is the greatest and God decides who is superior and who is inferior not me or If I need praise, I pray All praise belongs to God. Doing this I can feel my brain changing if I do it for long enough like 10 minutes the need for superiority and need for admiration disappears. Do some narcissists never abuse, it can’t be just me?!

[@kanyewest6539]

all people have abusive behaviours, a narcissist would claim to never be abusive. take a first step now and anonymously admit to something you can identify in your own behaviours that *has* occurred, that that may have been abusive. for example, today one of my employees david was 30m late and didnt call before being late to let me know, in spite of knowing he would be late, so that i could prepare for opening short. i got pissed and told him to stay home, shorting him 8 hours as punishment for something that may have been beyond his control. my wife told me i was an asshole and we decided to apologize and pay him for the day. but that was definitely me being abusive, in spite of the fact that im in a broad sense not a bad boss. give it a shot!

[@adip6476]

@@kanyewest6539 There is a literature pointing out that some narcissist don’t abuse like some antisocial personality disorders do not abuse, I also have APD and learned from a very young age (3) to repress anger. I know what abuse is and I don’t abuse. The field of Narcissism is still new, things are changing.

[@kanyewest6539]

@@adip6476 obedience to God is the way. i would still suggest you brainstorm on what i said. introspection can be useful and theraputic. otherwise, keep on keepin on.

[@adip6476]

@@kanyewest6539 thanks for trying to help, I appreciate it.

[@dkmagos]

thats a cool method, often when I pray I ask G-d to help me "adore", because at first I can find nothing to adore but over time when I can see my small-ness in a somewhat charitable or at least neutral way it frees me from grandiose needs. Psalm 131 is very powerful for this. (Psalm 131 1 My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me)

[@alfbigboy]

Change must occur at the deepest level in a person. People can have a revelation or an epiphany. It is definitely not impossible. I believe people can change. Now how likely that is to happen is a different story.

[@twillsJKZ]

Great Info thanks

[@milanic7267]

Hi. Please answer and help. Do you think that emotional stability can be achieved through psychotherapy or it just helps to deal with the symptoms? Is dbt the best? Thanks a lot. p.s. I didn't see that there was a video about narcsisist

[@grey_blue2513]

I am personally seeing some changes in myself with schema therapy and doing ifs on my own time and talking to myaelf, seeing my protective mechanisms and approaching feelings of shame and discomfort and my perception of the world with couriocity

[@cyndigooch1162]

@milanic7267 I just watched this hopeful video and want to let you know that Dr Mark Ettensohn, who has a channel called Heal NPD, is having success with highly narcissistic people, if you're still interested! 😊

[@nemishasharma5737]

It can, and I think TFP has been shown to be the best treatment.

[@Amuslimpointofview]

I mean honestly, I feel thst every second person, I meet is a narcissist... If they can't change.. Uhweee then there's no hope for humanity

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

Humanity's only chance is if the U.S stay home and mind their business. But I doubt they will. They have NPD. The rest of the world only exist as projections.

[@BManStan1991]

I have been feeling this too. It seems like once you get to know somebody nowadays they all have some form of dark psychology thing going on. It's discouraging but also encouraging.

[@lucao.5866]

wondering if regressive therapy might work. I mean, if the hypnosis could take the narcs back to when the trauma started and heal the wound...Any opinion abt it?

[@briannall7527]

They have to want to !!!!!!!!!

[@cogniciondelfines]

I would like to know where I can find that literature that shows they improve.

[@cyndigooch1162]

@cogniciondelfines I've mentioned to a few people that Dr Mark Ettensohn, who has a channel called Heal NPD, is having success in this area and has a long waiting list, which goes against what many narcissism counsellors etc, along with millions of followers, believe. 🙁

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

I am one and I believe we can change, but wouldn't count on it as a partner.

[@gardener3017]

The question is not can they it's do they. Will they.

[@karenhartman9774]

I’m thinking that psychedelic therapy might help re-reconnect narcissists back to their souls so they can be human again.

[@Thatoneguywhosucksatlife.]

It is a truly life changing experience I'd like to go again

[@LarsOutzen]

why don't people just stop feeling ashamed? if that is THE problem for them? what is it, that is so shameful that they just can't cut the cause? do they not appreciate who they are? are you entitled to other people liking, validating and appreciating you for being you? I am autistic, so can I also expect NTs to do that towards me?

[@christineabercrombie7316]

I don’t think so. Psychopathic traits are more severe than a narcissist. But know what you deal with. Psychopaths are narcissists as well but slightly more gravely dangerous. But the traits are astonishing to say the least.

[@DevoidVoid]

Also more possible to have self awareness naturally. I'm assuming the only real indication that someone could change, is self awareness and insight. Drugs, treatments, and actually trying to grow through changes as the doc said. Gaining perspective and then going to therapy to make sure it sticks, or you don't go back down. It seems Psycopathy ALSO gets better in time. So nipping the Narcissistic split off before it grows to far. Starting at 30 is better then 50 for example

[@Food4CriticalThought]

Once they have chosen you for supply, the dynamic of the relationship will never change.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

We choose one another. We don't prey on people. We are not cunning. But we don't make it as partners. The abuse cannot be avoided, no matter the partner. And you are not a supply, but a person. Same is worth for the narcissist.

[@mazomayrit]

algoritmo 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@Renbu8]

Speaking from the literature is pretty damn boring. I'd rather hear narcissists talk about their experiences performing therapy.

[@Renbu8]

That's a lot to go through for someone who is only 16. Anti-psychotics are pretty awful, I've been there too. I think you'll find that your mind starts to calm down as you finish your teens and go through your 20's though. There are also meditation and yoga practices you can do to better your internal situation.@@sardinitaway3315

[@ManettiAngelo]

KINTSUGI

[@WM-gr4qi]

It seems like people sometimes conflate NPD with sociopathy... I don't really know better, but I wonder if part of the reason it's difficult to help people with NPD is because we (in the general population and the pop psy crowd) don't consider that the experience extends beyond the most extreme expressions of it.

[@judewuski]

Both can exist simultaneously

[@terrywhelan6651]

Their insular cortex is underdeveloped. If not repaired by age 8, they will not develop to understand empathy or love. I have found most have narcissistic parents who think of their kids as extensions of themselves. Usually they have a golden child and a scapegoat. Narcissistic people rarely have large families these days. I have never seen one get better. They seem to get worse as they age even after their modification and collapses. It's not their fault they have this personality disorder, but the lies, manipulation, and cheating are all on them. They know what they're doing is wrong. They have 3 personalities. The false face (mask) Dark entity Hurt inner child

[@jackhunter4534]

At first, I thought this was Bobcat Goldthwait but the voice threw me off. Important topic though.

[@LoneStarLady-]

Key words “could be” and takes years of committed, hard work. This does not inspire much hope for significant change.

[@AbcAbc-ii8zm]

KZbin is so messed up today. There is a huge gap between true NPD (that btw can be only diagnosed professionally by people who are from real academia with proper eduction) and narcissistic traits that are intrinsic in human nature. The question is where you are in that scale. If extreme- this is NPD, if mid way, most prob typical CEO or TV star that is admired by millions. We live in narcissistic world with all the influencers and “success” driven social narratives. Everyone today label everyone narcissist or self diagnose it - this is a great example of grandiosity manifestation in itself, i.e. labeling other “narcissists” is grandiose fantasy that ones has capabilities to do so 😂 whilst this mostly likely own projection. This is so sad to say the least…

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

You are correct about the abuse and confusion around NPD but you are confussed yourself. We are unlikely to become CEOs. We are way too concerned by how others see us. A few do climb the ladder of whatever and pay a high price (Kurt Cobain and less glamourous: J. Peterson). It's not a scale. The continuum is really ridiculous. NPD would be the only disorder with a continuum running from 'healthy' to 'malignant'. Yeah right. NPD is not more narcissistic than 'enhanced narcissistic traits' in reality. The show business narcissisim you are discribing is not at all NPD. In fact most NPDs are vulnerable like me and do not match the criteria meant for the grandiose type which are rare and that experts on here have never seen. Experts should never have made that link between narcissism and evil. It was a professional mistake. Hypocrisy, meanness, jealousy... are human traits. Sure some monsters were narcissists.

[@jollyroger2594]

No

[@ZubairKhan-vs8fe]

They can't change because there is nothing to change from or to change to. They don't have their own personality to work on

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

I am one. You are the closest. But there is never 'nothing'. What prevented us from building one? How do we function without a personality? I have my answers, you can share your guesses. I may learn things.

[@Karll541]

They need to find God and embrace humility

[@ThomasAllan-up4td]

Hokum. Narcs are a different entity. They have no inclination to change. In short, they don't want to change. Hatred for the whole of mankind is the only joy they know.

[@hypnosesgodchild]

Some do... for all the self aware ones if they could choose not to be one, they would do so immediately. Because being a narcissist isn't fun. Narcissists aren't happy. Hating isn't the only joy they know it's just a coping mechanism that helps them survive their trauma. I'm not saying what they do is right. Their behaviours can be very toxic and even abusive and it's not okay. What I'm saying is that most people don't fully know and understand narcissists but only the surface of them - the grandiose "full of themselves" side of them and not the broken soul underneath.

[@ThomasAllan-up4td]

@@hypnosesgodchild what about the souls they have broken to pieces ? The lives they have ruined? You are way too sympathetic.

[@hypnosesgodchild]

@@ThomasAllan-up4td It's a very tragic and sad situation for both ends. Again I don't support their toxic and abusive behaviour but in reality both parties are victims just in different contexts? But with the narcissist they are victims that have become the perpetrators. And the cycle continues because then their kids get traumatised which ends up in their kids having issues themselves etc etc Think of school bullies or even prisoners. What they're doing aren't right and I by no means think it's okay to bully people but most of the times it's because they have issues themselves (issues at home, self esteem issues, anger issues, you name it) Instead of bashing them as a person try condemning their behaviour instead because people change. Being a little more understanding (but not accepting their negative behaviours) gives them room and a safe space to grow and change and improve as people. Hate the action/behaviour but not the person is what I'm saying. Villanizing people and creating more stigma around them makes issues worse and helps no one. I get it, it's easy to fall into that because of how toxic they can be but like most situations it's not all black and white. And it's okay to have boundaries and not be friends with them or hang around them it can be really hard so walk away whenever you need to because you don't owe them anything

[@ThomasAllan-up4td]

You cannot plead their case for them, saying they are just misunderstood. And should be Molly coddled and pandered to, for the rest of not only their lives, but yours . They are what they are. They would just love being pandered to. It's control. They want to own you, heart, body and soul.

[@kk-fo3zx]

​@ThomasAllan-up4td I think part of what @hypnosesgodchild and Dr. Weinberg are saying is that narcissists are NOT just what they are with no way to change. Differentiating between a person's behaviors and the person itself can be hugely important in treating many kinds of psychological disorders, not just NPD. As can be seen in this comment section as well as with the patients discussed in the video, there are people with NPD that are willing to change. Quick judgements are not helpful in these situations. While it is definitely best for victims of narcissistic abuse to leave the relationship with their abuser, treatment options for NPD patients can also help reduce the amount of abuse in this world.

[@farangisehsani592]

No. They wont change

[@slofty]

They can insofar as chosen identities (which pathological narcissists present as) go though, that being one that does better and doesn't hurt others. There is hope for those that lack insight but can go along with structure.

[@MikeMadison-z7o]

I've done it on my own. It's called Bible and looking at oneself before other.

[@zeddeka]

Bible?? Religion is probably the biggest source of narcissism in the world. What better place to be holier than thou than hiding behind religion. I believe Psychologists have a special name for it - "spiritual bypassing". The fact that you're so keen to claim that you did it yourself implies you're not nearly as "cured" as you proclaim.

[@howyduinyall7653]

Are you saying the Bible actually changed your behaviour?

[@MikeMadison-z7o]

@howyduinyall7653 yes I am.

[@howyduinyall7653]

I’m glad to hear it, I know Gods word can change lives but I wasn’t sure it could change a narcissist, Lee Hammock on the tube says there’s no cure, himself being in therapy 5 years,

[@MikeMadison-z7o]

@howyduinyall7653 if you want to change you change. I do t answer to Lee who makes money off it. I came home.e one day and said I keep having these blow ups what can I change instead of what can they change. I didn't lie or manipulate but my relationships were not healthy. Anyway we all have toxic shit. Be accountable to your shit . Be honest . It's took a lot of loss.

[@Krissstiine]

Change? Yeah maybe in some very small ways that are not very helpful in building healthy relationships with other people. The REAL question is, can they become truly empathetic? No empathy and no conscience is the essence of their damaging behaviour. To answer this myself - no, they cannot. They’re just wired differently. That’s like trying to train a wild grown lion to stop killing antelopes.

[@cyndigooch1162]

@voka13 I believed for years that it might be possible for some if they were able to do their healing work (NOT just talking therapy etc), which involves grieving and feeling immense repressed pain. Luckily, I stumbled across Dr Mark Ettensohn's compassionate channel called Heal NPD a while ago, who verified my beliefs! Of course, it's not easy though and it's takes enormous courage, yet it's giving hope to the ones who are looking for awswers in order to live more peaceful lives. 😊

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

Empathy, emotional empathy isn't the problem. We have some. The DSMV-TR has corrected that. You can find it online, section III. Wired differently? That would be more sociopathy. The disorder is largely psychological. I believe that inborn personality traits put us at great risk. But the solution found by the baby is psychological and so is the abuse. We don't attack our partner because we are wired differently. You don't understand this disorder and even experts such as on here miss a few important things. We don't devalue, belittle our partner because we lack empathy. If you lost your emotional empathy from one day to the next, you wouldn't turn into an abuser. If anything lacking emotional empathy is a handicap for us. Lacking remorse, guilt, shame.. is something else. The partner is the target of all our projections. The abuse is nasty and we are abusive for sure. But lack of empathy isn't the cause. This being said, no partner should hope their NPD will change.

[@grietdierick4986]

@@cyndigooch1162 NPD and courage = contradiction

[@gml5536]

​@@shieldmcshieldy5750could you share a bit more about that?

[@DevoidVoid]

You're coming at this from a dehumanizing angle. You're thinking of NPD + ASPD or psychopathy. Empathy is not the "golden standard"... Normies do not even have good empathy like they claim. They have insanely selective empathy and a lot of the time it's towards the disenfranchised, poor and have nots. That's legit what I have observed my entire life.