Brandt Tobler - The Time I Tried to Kill My Dad - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored

[@standup]

Think your family is messed up? Think again. Watch comedians share their most ridiculous family stories on “This Is Not Happening:” kzbin.info/aero/PLD7nPL1U-R5pgIBSOJV-fL4uIWR-DZbfI

[@christopherlopez3301]

Hey 👋 isn’t

[@Jetpakkmusic]

ppppp $Aszs mmm gyou l mo. Lll. L mom let K kkk. Mm

[@Jetpakkmusic]

$Aszs mmm gyou l Lll. L mom let K kkk. Mm

[@Jetpakkmusic]

gyou Lll. L mom let K kkk. Mm

[@BRUTALunicorn]

Its funny because the original saying is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" implying that the family you choose is more important than the family you come from.

[@alajondro]

@@drummerkidkill think about it for a second. then write a response. youll go much further in life

[@solamanhuq7780]

@@drummerkidkill calm down edge lord.

[@Kai...999]

No one cares.

[@AuraRift]

Damn, never knew this. Thx for the factoid mate

[@riderk7007]

Kai - I care. I find it interesting. I also find it fun to write this just so that you are wrong.

[@jaylew889]

He had to pay for his own death threats... probably one of the best lines

[@lonelybean5907]

Blood is thicker than water Syrup is thicker than blood So pancakes are more important than family

[@naidelynorozco1714]

Couldn't have said it better myself lol

[@mgmail7279]

With my abusive family, pancakes are way better!

[@kylemiller2414]

Hilarious

[@lucard5252]

Or Canadians

[@dudedysseus]

Flawless logic.

[@aazuula]

his last face expression showed how he actually feels about everything, that shit hurted

[@buryyourdraws]

Unmistakably

[@janhavitripathi8249]

He's so fucking courageous to do a stand up set about it. 💙

[@3DegreesNorth638]

He did his stepfather dirty tho... like that man was there for him when his bio dad was a shithead... dumbass went to Vegas and bought a house for a dead beat dad. Like the fuck??!! Should have done that for his stepfather instead. What a loser.

[@Tee-OhBee]

@@3DegreesNorth638 it’s easy to say that after the fact.

[@ExtremeModeration]

Truth. I didn't catch that until seeing your post.

[@Criblica91]

They seriously did kill him and told Brant that he "ran away" lol "haven't seen him or heard from him in 17 years, and he had to clean up a lot of blood? Yeah he dead man

[@armadasinterceptor2955]

Dammmm you right, but Brandt hinted that he knew, when he said the Very Last Line, “My dad was right this whole time, his blood is thicker than water”. That’s probably what he had to do to convince the mobsters that he was still trustworthy anyway.

[@808Xian]

Bruhh

[@kylespivey5405]

i highly doubt he ran the the door lmao they killed him he just can’t say it

[@GIANT406]

@@kylespivey5405Odds are he’s hiding out at some hole in the ground in the Mojave. If you catch my meaning.

[@jamiepurcell2064]

Thats what I thought but he said on a podcast that his dad lives in south Vegas and they still haven't talked

[@montrelledwards7255]

I'm just wondering how he was able to get out of that $80,000 debt.

[@Brobert1996]

The guy forgave him and gave him another chance he was like a father to him. The source is the Dana Gould hour where he was interviewed about his book where he has tons of insane stories about his life.

[@giantasparagus]

Donated water and blood.

[@themaggattack]

Bryan Robert- Good, since his own father was like a curse to him.

[@MattyP650]

Montrell Edwards it’s not a true story bro, it’s just comedy. Think a little less, laugh a little more. Cheers

[@kalakartist]

he was forgiven.

[@2ndNatureHairSolutions]

Just a little stoner dude who ran a subway. SO DREAMS DO COME TRUE!?

[@kcufeht5795]

661 Choppin, his little brother said fuck it to college, he's livin' the dream.

[@justinjones5616]

Absolutely

[@kjeezy2990]

Beauty eh.

[@HEX_17]

What?

[@thekekman8483]

"He may have been your father, but he wasn't your daddy"

[@ija8254]

Youndu Udonta 😍

[@spookiedukey]

ij A yes officer this post right here

[@louise4778]

@@spookiedukey no it's a guardians of the galaxy (vol. 2) reference! it's a beautiful moment and it made me cry the first time i saw it

[@to-eat-or-not-to-eat]

too soon

[@andraignat11]

“Father and son” starts playing in the background 😭

[@maddie-ir1pf]

For most of the time I couldn't tel whether this was a stand-up bit or a church testimonial

[@vitalx8956]

Mcfunion :3 😂😂

[@alikaandrade3435]

I def got that vibe but couldn’t put my finger on it lol

[@melissadehart9306]

Yikes I clicked like, which gave 666 likes.

[@mikepalmer1971]

There is a couple of other comedians on this where it felt similar. Just really dark.

[@strangetings2184]

Him : he’ll tell us about prison riots a- Me : MEXICAN GOT ON BOOTS

[@omeloithemarshmallow7663]

AYYYYYYYYYYYY

[@lucyhellbroke]

Yesssss 😂😂 god that sketch was hilarious

[@bigpapajointroach6133]

Aye Mexican got on boots

[@hahaha7886]

Omeloi The marshmallow Aye thats wut I thought lol. Dudes, Mexican got on boots.

[@dominoboardco.5883]

Shhh Mexican got on boots

[@notimeforcreativenamesjust3034]

MEXICANS GOT ON BOOTS

[@nathanoliveira9655]

No time for creative names just for games lol i remember that story

[@KaineFolse-xu2he]

What kinda knife you need?

[@komix7556]

Kaine Folse I just need something to stab someone with when Mexican got on boots

[@tacomuncher3582]

MITCHELL

[@raecooker]

😂😂 i just went to his show

[@diegov5449]

“You stole 80,000, why would you go steal 350$ from your son?” Damn.

[@RubysWrath]

Looking at this again. It really seems like they straight killed his dad and just said he ran away

[@calebcarlyle1749]

Almost definitely what happened... other people in the comments are saying that he doesn’t know but he probably knows and just changed the ending of the story

[@bigmac4266]

I mean he straight up said he cleaned up his blood after saying his bro an cousin didn’t even hit him

[@annasimonsson]

that's the point. He is a comedian and he probably came up with most of the story haha

[@iwatchyoutube6539]

He said in a podcast his dad still lives in Vegas they just don't talk

[@Darth_Supaku]

dads the famly pet

[@TheMarkoPoloProgram]

That look of pain at 14:52. This was one of the more serious sets I've seen on this show.

[@saryarohit2925]

How cathartic! Glad for this series. It's like therapy for these people and it is therapeutic for us, the audience.

[@johnarrey2173]

Story was funny except for the fact that Wyoming doesn't exist

[@violet_skrs]

adam23 i hope this is sarcastic due to the fact that Wyoming is a state

[@johnarrey2173]

SleepingKnightsRS421 that's what they want u to think #staywoke

[@KPNasty1]

adam23 Sober up.

[@br-bk1lq]

I live in Wyoming, and I can confirm that it doesn't exist.

[@johnarrey2173]

b r thank you kind sir

[@Vincisomething]

The ironic thing is the full quote is the opposite of what it really means- "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb."

[@PostalPatriot556]

Vincisomething is that a biblical quote?

[@Vincisomething]

Postal Patriot556 I don't know lol. I remember reading it somewhere, but it wasn't the Bible. Idk the source

[@julioservantes8242]

No, stop spreading this bullshit like it is a fact. This is only one guess where the quote is from, there are many other sources with the same meaning as "blood is thicker than water".

[@dhl671]

Vincisomething Your statement/sentence doesn’t make any sense.....”the full quote is the opposite of what it really means”. Also, ‘Anon Kapo’ seems to make a valid point. Don’t think you’re entirely correct here....

[@realrobh]

The quote comes from: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” This actually means that blood shed in battle bonds soldiers more strongly than simple genetics. Although we commonly use it to suggest the strength of family ties, it doesn't refer to family at all.

[@sirdrovious]

"I had never killed anyone before" Damn he really murdered his dad

[@bigmac4266]

Ya he even said how he cleaned up his blood after he said they didn’t hit him at all

[@jeffbingaman2754]

He tried to kill his dad, hasn't seen his dad in what a decade and he quit shadow punching the cold shower. I see how this is going to turn out

[@chumcool]

I can't help but wonder. Maybe the reason he hasn't seen or heard from his father in 17 years is because his cousin and brother actually succeeded in murdering him. Just a thought.

[@africaart]

He is on denial. His helpless father would have called him once when he finds himself in trouble.

[@forgotten1s]

Hes definitely dead dude lmfao he just cant confess to actual murder

[@keychain___8836]

@@forgotten1s He was a druggie at 50 one swing and he probably bled out on the sidewalk if he got away

[@jennamaryjean]

oh dude no way is his dad still walking around with this story public

[@TheGaryd33]

These latest TINH are getting pretty dark... I like it

[@m0L3ify]

Have you not seen previous seasons? These are pretty tame.

[@donov25]

Attempted murder is pretty tame?

[@mikagami69]

donov25 yeah you definitely haven't seen the earlier stuff

[@donov25]

KEK I have seen every episode. This isn't the darkest it gets but your delusional if you don't think this is dark or that there weren't light episodes in the past.

[@vincentpeacock2364]

I’m not a fan of the new presenter

[@ctorresct902]

Anybody else skip the intro?

[@countys32]

Everyone skips it, that's like asking if everybody skips the commercials of course they do.

[@tupd]

Christian Torres always

[@dawnatilla]

Christian Torres ALWAYS

[@22.NUU.DRU.22]

I used to watch them when ari hosted

[@crdtsjby]

Yuh

[@GingerGingie]

Oh hon. That was so raw and awful. Just the most connecting thing. I appreciate your honesty and I wish you much better experiences in the future. You're one hell of a story teller, that's for sure.

[@sirdestructor]

Was definetly not expecting this at first! What an emotional rollercoster!

[@pinocchiojw9699]

yo he could have actually killed his dad ya know...

[@kellygraves4189]

The Infidel preeeety sure the statute of limitations has been passed lol

[@jdsteinbach3324]

Sounds like my childhood. Except my mom and stepdad sucked too.

[@Lola60726]

For real, I started crying when he was talking about the stealing because I when throught the same thing and it brought all those feelings back. Then I started laughing again.

[@themolash8321]

Check out the lady's reaction at 10:02 when he said his father stole 80k from him. LMAO

[@AB-gz9yb]

TheMolash hahahahaha

[@marcojuarez5413]

LMFAO IM FUCKING DEAD !!!

[@Mikeyboubley]

That took an enormous amount of balls to tell that story, complete respect to you man!

[@Ganjanysus]

We respect how hard of a story that was to tell, and also how funny it is. Respect and love.

[@Snavels]

The ironic thing is, The phrase "Blood is thicker than water" isn't the full phrase. The full phrase is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" which means relationships made by choice are stronger than those formed by chance.

[@archemides1517]

Nope that’s a more modern add on to the original phrase

[@Snavels]

@@archemides1517 Yes, I found that out not long after making this comment, unfortunately, I genuinely don't care

[@LorddOfChaoss]

They just told you he ran away.... He's probably dead 😂

[@bigmac4266]

He said he cleaned up his blood

[@kadeembest164]

Isn't this like a confession to attempted murder??!! Lmao

[@grayson7677]

Kinda sorts but...well idk

[@LisaLisa001]

Sure af is. Buuuut courts already wasted enough time on his daddy. I'm guessing he would only face punishment for not finishing the job. But why did his dad come back after stealing $80,350?

[@nunyanunya4147]

he established his dad was a convict. the speaker is white and well to do. laws dont apply when one ov these 3 situations are true

[@EE-sw3uh]

nunya nunya slightly wrong, if you’re black and rich they will still lay down the law on you. See: wesley snipes, meek mill, basically any rapper that’s been to jail

[@nunyanunya4147]

@@EE-sw3uh please educate yourself instead ov picking fights with someone you agree with 99%...

[@ycl2911]

"I don't wanna go to college like my dad"

[@funnytvshows7804]

He should've said " I don't wanna go to my dad's college"

[@daniellebalouise9596]

Damn. That was good. He's a pretty captivating story teller.

[@motherhen6404]

"The blood of the convenient is thicker than the water of the womb." Those who you choose to be your family is better than those you are born to. You can pick your family.

[@charper9890]

Mother Hen I was looking for this.

[@Khoros-Mythos]

*convenient*

[@ThouMustGame]

Who thinks the guys he owed 80k too took care of his dad for him

[@TheMillionDollarDropout]

Oh shit... That is a really fucking dark thought lol... I wonder where the Money was, because the dude on stage never mentioned where the Money was, if it was still in the Car in the Garage or if the Dad had spent it on some shit or maybe even bank'd it.

[@blueshotgun017]

i come back to this one every so often, i think it's one of the best.

[@perrymason8471]

Damn, $80000. I thought my dad was being shitty when he asked for $1200 for "something important". He spent the money I gave him on a pyramid scheme.

[@NIIIIQQ]

Wtf happen with the pro gamblers and the $80,000? That's what I want to know?

[@thetoddsmith]

Read his book "Free Roll."

[@huuamai8151]

Todd no.

[@BlackSheepOutcastMisfit]

Todd no just tell us, you dumbfuck! Making us do some extra shit.

[@neonsoldier117]

He was forgiven, they were real tight and they forgave him for it.

[@jorgey4]

would've thought you would have said "bro my methhead dad stole it all." the odd thing about that is that he needed to call his gangsta cousin and the casino mob didn't get him first.

[@cjok8367]

I feel for this guy. Notice how sad he looks at the end while putting the Mike back on it's stand. My mom has done me wrong & it's hard to reconcile with those types of feelings. It truly sux to love someone when all they deserve is to be hated.

[@nerium9306]

That was a sad story tbh lol it had it's funny moments but damn.

[@dumisalengwati3068]

This show's format is ideal for raw stories that have shaped these comedians' lives and outlooks. I've often found that the best and most profound anecdotes, are the ones that have involved vulnerability, brutal life experience, and ultimately conquering adversity, and have thus provided the most nuanced perspectives and humorous hindsight to share them with - case in point 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 More nightmarishly hilarious bedtime stories please 🌟

[@rustyshackelford3590]

They should have just stolen the camaro

[@Calilou52]

He said it was gone, his dad sold it and thats what made him realize that his money was probably gone too. Didnt you watch the video?

[@TimmySquibs]

Hank Hill are you serious? He said his dad pulled up in the garage with it when they tried to beat him in the dark

[@jeffheffner5653]

Really liking the dark turn these have taken.

[@ericscott1234]

Would have been way funnier if they stabbed the dad but he’s been shadowboxing in ice cold water for 15 seconds every day since he was 10 so he was able to fight em off even under shock and escape; and then he could have closed with “so make sure you guys take cold showers and shadow box for 15 seconds daily”

[@missshannonsunshine]

Eric Szentmiklosi these are supposed to be true stories tho

[@lolgamez9171]

@@missshannonsunshine whoes gonna fact check it

[@Sergio-fu7mv]

😂😂

[@franciscohcoronado4947]

Brandt's story (a real good one, btw) sounds like something Quentin Tarantino would love to put in a movie XD

[@lswilcoxon]

I've watched a million comedy shows.. The one thing I've noticed is... They use laughter to get through their pain. I guess it's cathartic

[@lgsteelo2142]

Talk about self-snitchin' lol

[@theelvenwtich]

I love how we have misinterpreted and screwed up the whole "Blood is thicker than water." shit!

[@o0LoveLove0o]

Creepy Sasquatch elaboratteeeeee

[@soldier3731]

i think its supposed to mean family (blood) is more loyal (thicker) than water (strangers). either that or i fucked it up

[@Incadazant01]

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of family. That’s the original saying. It’s because you CHOSE to make the contract, to hang out with certain people, so on and so forth. With family...well, you don’t chose your family...

[@pawpatina]

HE didn't misinterpret it, his dad along with all the other idiot inbred yokels did... it means the BLOOD of sacrifice, like in battle during revolution... is thicker than WATER like in the womb of your mother. so being a brother in arms was more important than your own mother.

[@michaelfontaine8231]

Weirdest comment thread ever

[@ericsmith2901]

The full saying is "Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb." Relationships made by choice mean more than those we are born into. That's not to say that you can't choose to love your family, but I digress.

[@BRAND0N...]

thanks for that

[@mgonzalez8880]

Wow Ive never heard that before. that changes the entirety of the saying..

[@slipperyh8390]

Wiki, but "Modern commentators, authors Albert Jack[5] and R. Richard Pustelniak[6], claim the original meaning of the expression was that the ties between people who've made a blood covenant were stronger than ties formed by "the water of the womb". However, no known historical sources support this."

[@dawnatilla]

Eric Smith they don't mean MORE...they are just in their own class

[@NoBadsign]

I need to start doing that shower stuff. Can never be too careful in these streets.

[@stefaniejensen2474]

Brants book, Free Roll, is fantastic. You MUST GET THE AUDIOBOOK!!!!! It’s my all time favorite. I’ve listened to it at least 5 times start to finish. He’s so genuine and hilarious. This guy is SOOOO underrated

[@joycford6079]

Awww. Thats sad. Look at his broken heart at the end. God bless you sir. Forgiveness does wonders to heal yourself. 🙏

[@jamesadams4420]

That is the true talent of comedians. To take such a tragic story and find some humor in it no matter how deep it hides. I wish he would have told us how he handled explaining $80,000 missing to the people you don't want to have to explain that to.

[@alzychoze6591]

I would think that line of exposition might be dangerous? As my mother used to tell me, “People have been shot for less.”

[@imacashew.]

The longest set up to punch line you’ll ever hear. Lol

[@dozhadeville444]

*Been COLD SHOWER SHADOWING since I saw this!*

[@tempesttking5715]

Dozha Deville gotta be stay ready b****! 🤣

[@opheliaspark5353]

This man hands down is great story teller and comedian!

[@zoeymargiela]

You could see he was hurt at the end

[@chain-wallet]

well you kept 80 grand cash in a house full of tweakers...

[@twoheadedchicken7904]

ya whos the real dumbass

[@abegodsent4977]

@@twoheadedchicken7904 his dad.

[@twoheadedchicken7904]

@@abegodsent4977 i say both

[@abegodsent4977]

@@twoheadedchicken7904 his only mistake was trusting someone he genuinely believed in. That's not being dumb that's having faith. The dad is the dumb one for not seeing that faith, or worse seeing it, and breaking it.

[@hoagielamp6543]

That's reason for a colour CCTV camera and a gun in your hand while you sleep

[@PeteSanctions]

I'm sure it's awkward for the people in back having the comedian's back to them the whole time

[@dawnatilla]

PeteSanctions actually being a "studio" audience they are aware of such things and have been briefed on it beforehand.

[@wafflemaker6590]

waddy nomits not

[@PreistofGHAZpork]

It's mirrors dude, they film at a strip club.

[@tomkenning5482]

@@PreistofGHAZpork fucking hell it is and all

[@loadless2265]

Im not sure it is a mirror ypu know, you cant see his reflection

[@jeromestaab3455]

That ending left me wanting.

[@noneofyourbusiness302]

I have never, ever laughed so hard!!! And, my childhood was horrible, like yours!!! Many hugs to you, Grace

[@ThatChickChan87]

Step dad was paying for his own death threats 😂

[@hahaaylinsahah2]

that guy's laugh in the audience. oh my god.

[@shanebehringer7952]

Naahhahahaha

[@TheRPfilms]

That money probably killed his dad anyway.

[@lewdiamond13]

yea dude. 80 grand in the hands of a drug addict is a death sentence

[@J.W.Brogan]

Good point

[@holy-waterfrom-jesus8090]

i got a 12 second ad about watch dogs legion and i loved it “is buying an unskipable ad rude? well i’m doing it for your own good”

[@monadamus42]

Published on my birthday, one of the best stories ever.

[@atheralikarim4235]

His Dad sounds like the character Frank from the TV series SHAMELESS

[@hansolodolo92]

This is just....sad

[@disasterdinosaur2925]

Yup was well told but very sad. Seen a black guy tell about his drug addicted dad and found it not funny either. These used to be better.

[@BurritoSpartan]

What a story! He told it so well holy crap I'm dying!

[@FrancisR420]

And all these stories are so freaking amazing you have got to do more of these

[@scottallison4615]

I just saw Brandt in Sheridan Wyoming this weekend. He also came to our company Xmas party. As a fellow Wyomingite this was amazing. Plus I was in prison for 11 years so it made his stories even funnier. Amazing comedian.

[@Mickey_Moon507]

You are so brave to share this. So much love and respect from me💗💗

[@ShareefusMaximus]

Wow. I never appreciated my emotionally absent Dad, that just worked, slept and paid the bills, so much. Way to not do meth and steal my 80 grand Pops.

[@eliannam.5700]

I low-key believe that half of these stories are just the coverup they came up with to get away with their actions!

[@firstname__lastname]

This story is amazing.

[@theWOUNDEDrooster]

Thank you for sharing this.

[@trumpetperson11]

I get parts were funny, but was I the only one who felt like this was too sad for a comedy channel?

[@lisareddicen5235]

trumpetperson11 pdhkh lh. Sslkjimkjoff

[@trumpetperson11]

did you sit on your keyboard?

[@gordanabakic5322]

@@trumpetperson11 mabye they cried so much iz messed their keyboard

[@wittyandcreative]

What's sad about that. . .

[@crdtsjby]

Right at the end when he put the mic back look at his face.. he's still hurting.

[@pskudda]

I’m on the toilet about to take a shower while watching this looks like I’m about to shadow box now

[@willow8186]

I’ve watched this so many times in the last few years, it’s so satisfying ✊

[@NM-hb5fd]

The best story I’ve heard on here

[@user-pt1cz4ot1e]

Damn, that was dark. I approve.

[@kythik]

Those that lived a good life are the sources of the nervous laughs. The belly laughs are definitely those that can relate. I couldn't stop laughing.

[@crisionmatlock4450]

Plot thickens: Dad owes Man that son works for; Steals money to pay off debt.

[@SeanLaMontagne]

This is one of my favorite stories

[@Camimalm7]

This was actually such a sad story

[@aestheticstorm4771]

Roy Wood Junior: We all come from someone who nurtures, protects us and who teaches us Me: *Looks over at an empty space where my father is supposed to be*

[@forgetfulfunctor1]

"I went to real college in phoenix" said here for the first time

[@canehdiansteve3455]

Can't say I'd try to kill my own father, but if I had one like that I'd sure as hell want to.

[@LisaLisa001]

Damn I don't know whether to crack up laughing or find him and give him a hug?

[@GOREilla.]

I LOL'D AT THE END!

[@OmarDiesel9]

This was not particularly hilarious, but this guy's storytelling technique is special.

[@Goonii]

The real saying is actually " blood of the covenant is thicker than the water off the womb " but hey your Dad and most of us had no idea.

[@LIBBEL]

His dad ruined everything for them wow. They just wanted him around and he stole everything from them, including their future.

[@carynis1hotassgirl]

The shadowboxing part!!! LMFAO This is a funny dude. I enjoyed this.

[@GreatDavu]

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

[@mrpink3630]

im picturing his dad as the pawn shop peckerwood guy from parks n rec.

[@quarteracreadventures855]

That was sad. :( I want to give him and his brother a hug. I am so glad to know that he has an awesome stepfather tho :)

[@nothin6121]

Looks like Tom hanks on the thumbthumbnail lol

[@genic25]

Josh Sienkiewicz He sure does! When Tom Hanks was in “Cast Away”. 🤣

[@funnygirl9236]

My thought also

[@dkdc7938]

How fucking wild would THAT have been

[@anthonysproule4293]

Thank you for being a comedian

[@Sleight-lq8qd]

I got something similar “life comes at you fast” heard it so much it’s a trigger phrase along with chainsaws and getting told to sweep the floor around a powered off rumba