Break the Pattern: Creating Positive and Healthy Relationships with Kimya Motley & Dr. Alduan Tartt

TW: This episode discusses domestic and gun violence.
This uplifting and insightful episode focuses on the journey from trauma to healing and loving relationships, featuring a conversation with A Call to Men Chief Communications Officer Kimya Motley, who is a domestic violence (dv) survivor, and psychologist and relationships expert Dr. Alduan Tartt.
Kimya shares her remarkable story of resilience and recovery after surviving repeated violence, emphasizing the importance of recognizing red flags and finding positive role models for healthy manhood.
Dr. Tartt, who also played a pivotal role in Kimya's healing journey by serving as an example of positive masculinity, provides essential insights into fostering healthy relationships and offers practical advice on breaking the cycle of abuse.
They explore the power of community, policy reform and media representation in an effort to create a safer and more supportive world. Despite the harrowing realities they discuss, this conversation shines a light on the hope and healing that can emerge from even the darkest experiences.
They also discuss IT ENDS WITH US, the new film from Wayfarer Studios and Justin Baldoni, which depicts situations and themes of domestic violence between its two lead characters; Lily and Ryle. The film, which just celebrated its global theatrical premiere, was made in close consultation with Wayfarer Studios’ partners at NO MORE and is based on the international best-selling novel by Colleen Hoover.
Tune in for a conversation that is as hopeful as it is profound, providing valuable tools for anyone committed to understanding and combating domestic violence.
If you or someone you know has experienced domestic or sexual violence, help is available. Find the support you need for yourself, a friend, a colleague, or a family member: nomore.org/help
QUOTES:
"You don’t just wake up one day to get shot by your husband. There are things that you go through in your life that bring you to that." - Kimya
"We have to produce more media where people can see examples of positive manhood because we take it for granted that everyone sees this." - Dr. Tartt
"To be man enough means to be your authentic self, not being defined by what other people say you should be or represent as a man, but what does being a man feel like to you?" - Kimya
"The most healing came from me sharing my story with other people, hearing women and men come and say, ‘Thank you for sharing that,’ and then they were able to share their stories of abuse, surviving, and men who had a part." - Kimya
"Being man enough means being bigger than your pride and admitting that you need help." - Dr. Tartt
"The emotional abuse usually sets the groundwork for the physical abuse to then feel normal or even deserved." - Liz
ABOUT THE GUESTS
Kimya Motley is an educator, activist, and author dedicated to ending violence against women and girls. At A Call to Men, she uses her personal story to inspire change and promote healthy manhood. Her memoir, Born of Violence, gained national attention, and her work has been featured in Essence, Red Table Talks, and more. She co-produced the documentary Intentionally Erased and created violence-prevention trainings for the NFL and MLB.
IG: @kimyamotley
TikTok: @kimyamotley
FB: KimyaNMotley
Dr. Alduan Tartt is a psychologist, minister, speaker, and author, recognized as a leading expert in relationships and mental health. He has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and received the NAACP Lifetime Achievement Award for his dedication to empowering youth and families. He's a passionate advocate for redefining masculinity to include emotional expression, compassion, and strength, and he's committed to helping people build healthy, fulfilling relationships.
IG: @drtartt
drtartt.com
YT: @DRTARTT1
X: @drtartt
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PRODUCED BY WAYFARER STUDIOS:
Executive Producers: Justin Baldoni, Jamey Heath, Tarah Malhotra-Feinberg
#Masculinity #ManEnough #violenceagainstwomen #dv #maleviolence #itendswithusmovie

[@ronsparkman4913]

So excited to hear Kimya on the show and sharing her incredible story. When I did A Call To Men's Training Institute, I was absolutely blown away by her story. Thank you for bringing her on to share her story!

[@fatu1738]

I just want to say...anything produced by Wayfarer teaches something to the audience. Let's support their films. Yes, I've raved and ranted here. But I love how Man Enough is shedding light on DV from the shadows especially in an industry that gets away with a lot of things in our society. I love you guys.

[@WeAreManEnough]

Thank you! We love you too. Your support means so much.

[@GretchenHewitt]

When Dr, Tartt spoke around 39:00 about delay, taking time, getting to know, I immediately took a long deep grateful breath.

[@DRTARTT1]

Thank you for the kind words!

[@FikileNgema-pe3wb]

I love this podcast. Liz, Justin and Jamie always compassionate with their guests.

[@danicamargarit6832]

I was literally just checking the channel last night before bed to see if there were any new videos! Happy to see a new video. Only 30 seconds in and wow... this poor woman. How incredibly brave of her to share her story.

[@fareedjaved5986]

Really grateful for Kimya and Dr. Tartt for this episode. Coming from an abusive household, this really resonated with me.

[@carterx369]

Thank you for having these conversations!

[@luciagarcia4313]

Am a new fan of your channel through Justin Baldoni.👍👏🏾

[@WeAreManEnough]

Welcome! So glad you're here.

[@thechatterbot]

I love this podcast 🥺

[@CreinHartzDelaugcy]

Really great podcast I learn a lot and feel a lot too

[@monr8571]

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

[@malmal3003]

This was a great episode, thank so much for sharing your stories and knowledge.

[@CreinHartzDelaugcy]

Wao that's crazy Im so sorry that happened to her

[@ElizaBartoszewicz]

thank you so much. even if it is not my direct storyline, i always learn so much and i understand that indirectly and because we are all connected all these are my story lines. hugs!

[@OrtegaOY]

As a Man, who was a Boy, who grew up in a Domestic Violence Household.....there were so many Jewels 💎 Dropped in this episode. However, I'm at my wits end with how to address the more ill and severe cases. When it comes to being a Man and stepping in for Women who are being abused....how does one protect thee abused if they're consenting to thee abuse. Not that they consciously want to be harmed (though certainly subconsciously is a whole other matter), but if the relationship is abusive and they choose to stay....is that not consent? And let's say the Woman in question revokes that consent and wishes to leave. Isn't that Man a mere Predator or Captor? Shouldn't this Man be met with Extreme Prejudice and Smited for his insistence on being and or doing Evil? Violence isn't thee answer, but it is an answer and to be considered as a Final Solution to end Evil.

[@jz372]

I would call the police and say that I witnessed domestic violence. You could even tell the cops you want to remain anonymous. The cops will vet the situation. The woman could decide to speak up or not, but when she will finally speak up, you as a witness statement could help and it really could help the situation I think.

[@OrtegaOY]

@@jz372 Word, Thank You for your reasonable response 🙏🏼

[@teganjohno]

There are many many many reasons people stay. It may even seem to be (or even just be) the SAFEST option for them at the time with what they have access to. I would encourage you to check out Partnered with a Survivor podcast which is by the founders of the Safe and Together Academy that specialises in family violence.

[@OrtegaOY]

@@teganjohno Thank You for that recommendation 🙏🏼

[@WeAreManEnough]

Thanks for your thoughts and honest request for help from the community. It's completely understandable that you don't know what to do in extreme situations.

[@tb22k]

❤❤😮

[@mumii394]

51:29

[@tb22k]

😅😅

[@justicewilson7929]

49:52 would a group of women out their lives on a line to save a man in fhe samd position? It reminds me of that What Would You Do episode on male on female dv and ebeyone wither watched, laughed, or ignored it.

[@osmosisjones4912]

Nothing about women who perpetrate abuse

[@justicewilson7929]

Because that would go against "the all women are perfect" narrative

[@justicewilson7929]

Interesting that the highest rate of domestic violence is in lesbian relationships. In fact, lesbian relationships actually have the highest divorce rate, with domestic violence being cited as the number one reason. #TheMoreYouKnow