Bringing up children the Dutch way | Michele Hutchison | TEDxKazimierz

The Dutch way of raising children has advantages for parents and children alike. In this talk Michelle Hutchison tells the story of how she and her co-author Rina Acosta came to understand the counter intuitive idea that parents can do more for their children and themselves by doing less. Michele Hutchison is an editor, translator and writer. She was born and raised in England and studied at the universities of East Anglia, Cambridge and Lyon. She worked in British publishing before moving to Amsterdam, heavily pregnant, in 2004. There she worked as an editor and became a prominent translator of Dutch literature. She lives in a leaky, old dyke house with her two Dutch children.
With Rina Mae Acosta Michelle is co-author of the bestselling book "The Happiest Kids in the World: How Dutch Parents Help Their Kids (And Themselves) By Doing Less", published in 2017. Rina originally planned to share the stage with Michele but due to difficulties with her pregnancy, contributed to the talk via pre-recorded video.
The Polish translation, "Najszczęśliwsze dzieci na świecie" was published this year. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@haresmahmood]

I thought the way I was raised in the Netherlands was the norm; until I moved here to the UK. There's honestly a world of difference.

[@daniellee.e_x]

same here, moved to Austria at 5 years old and it's so different..

[@michielploosvanamstel1127]

same here, but in Vancouver

[@voornaamachternaam316]

Wat is t verschil?

[@LauWo]

You make me curious. What are the differences?

[@Saartje05]

The first time I went to the UK I was shocked how UK kids were raised. Many were inside almost constantly. They have play rooms, but no room to play. Many children go to boarding school, something that's a NO in The Netherlands. You don't send your kids away, you raise them yourself. And all those uniforms, the weird rules etc. No wonder they go nuts.

[@nw6641]

I grew up in Asian family and I went to the Netherlands as an Exchange student. Living with host family and go to Dutch school was the happiest time in my life. Never wanna go back to my home country 😭.

[@nw6641]

As everybody knows that Asian families are strictly. Though my family not that strict but still when compare with Dutch families which really give me freedom.

[@Thomas-Almanza]

@@nw6641 Maybe you can come back to work here? Go for happiness :)

[@FadzliRealtor]

@@nw6641 the thing is in South East Asia it is quite dangerous to let your kids roam freely outside. I grew up in NL but moved back to Malaysia. I wish I could let my son had as much fun as I did but that is just not possible. We have kidnappers, stray dogs, snakes, car and bikes terrorizing the streets without any mercy. It is just too dangerous unfortunately.

[@Mi-sl8il]

@@FadzliRealtor Stray dogs are not a danger! They are poor animals in need of help. No stray dog would be aggressive if not irritated by people.

[@vvelvettearss]

@@Mi-sl8il Sorry to break it to you but they are or they CAN be. I think you are thinking of the individual harmless stay begging for food and a a head rub but when they form in packs they prowl their territory fiercely and can be as dangerous as wolves looking for the vulnerable and opportunities. A stray dog pack is a danger ans isn't harmless Fadzli that sounds intense :/ sorry you cant let your kid play as much as you'd like

[@bente1695]

It’s true Dutch kids don’t have homework until about age 10, but then, once you go to middle school/high school, you’re bombarded with it. We might have happy kids, but we don’t have happy teenagers. Overall though, I agree with many things she said. We’re laid back people when it comes to children.

[@LevPH]

Peter Puck is right; there is a growing group of parents that exsaggerate . They call there kids Storm, Vlinder or DroneWhen they visit the ‘hunnebed’ (ancient graveyards) and the warning is not to walk on the huge stones for respect,the patents ignore it. It’s meant not for my child he or she may explore and is free in his/ her (🤴🏻/👸🏼)choice. Don’t be surprised they come from Amsterdam or het Gooi😉

[@LevPH]

Patents= parents

[@JoeyPsych]

We are laid back people when it comes to everything. "Doe maar normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg." is a saying here for a reason. And when it comes to homework, it is only a problem if you're not good at the course, if you pay attention in class, you never really need to do homework. We also have homework classes for those who have trouble studying by themselfs.

[@dagmarstoltenborgh6375]

i had homework from pretty much the 4th year i went to school, and yes in highschool its more but i personally got a lot of information on the homework we were going to have in my 8th year of school so we were prepared hahah

[@iliketositandeat4718]

Amen

[@Nando-po3db]

Americans call themselves free but they can't let they're kids outside alone without getting arrested.

[@richardlucas8209]

test

[@DoomBoom9]

Their not they’re

[@lienbijs1205]

It is really interesting to watch this as a Dutch mother. I didn't realise that there are so many differences in the way of raising in western countries. I just found it once very weird that a supervisor in a swimming pool in a holiday parc in England, sent our children away because they went alone, without parents, to the swimming pool at the parc. At home in the Netherlands they used to bike alone to the swimmingpool with their friends already at the age of 9. Of course only when they have their swimming diploma's. My children started swimming lessons at the age of 5, that is very common and they have diploma A,B and C. With diploma C, children learn to swim with their clothes on, fully dressed included shoes and a winter coat and also learn to rescue swimming. At the age of 11 my daughter started to go alone on her bike to the orthodontist appointments, in another village, about 4 km away. They bike alone to school, the library, to friends houses, to the shopping mall, to their sports, whatever. At the age of 12 my daughter wanted to go alone with her friends for shopping in a nearby city. I taught her how to travel by train. It is in my point of view very important to be independent as soon as possible in order to feel free and autonome. Also it happens regulary that I leave my children alone at home for shopping. They just don't want to join and of course I tell them not to open the door for anyone. I check that from time to time by pushing the doorbell myself. I am able to be within 5 minutes back if they call me on my cell phone and they can call the neighbours. I have very good childhood memories about the feeling of freedom to go wherever I wanted on my bike. My mother just said to me to come home when the street lights went on, because that was the sign of dinnertime. I also went alone to the swimmingpool by bike at the age of 8 already, just I remember the nice time that I always visited with my friends my great aunt after swimming, she lived close to the swimmingpool and she gave us tea and a chocolate bar. We were biking to everywhere, the woods, library, friends houses, without appointment, just entering the backdoor from their house to see if they were at home. And yes, we were talking to strangers too, even accepting candies from strangers. And yes, it also happened that I lost my way many times.

[@lucasspierings6362]

It's also a really interresting video to watch as a kid, you only then reallise how much freedom I have.

[@ElynevanOpzeeland]

True and true!

[@gabrielbrouwer]

Lien Bijs with B you already learn how to swim with clothes.

[@leonievw2466]

I never really thought about it as being abnormal, riding alone on my bike. Funny :)

[@kaca2903]

Interesting insight. I was raised in a similar manner. Coming from an east european country, most of my friends didn't have the same freedom. I'd find it weird when their parents wouldn't let them take public transport to city center with me at 11 years of age. I now greatly value the freedom and trust my mother gave me.

[@guidosalescalvano9862]

I think the essence underlying my Dutch upbringing is trust. My mother was always as truthful as she could reasonably be, and made sure I knew that. Since my first bruise I knew actions had consequences. And she knew that. So she could trust me to follow her warnings. To this day every risk she described was accurate so at 36 I still follow her advice.

[@albertschoise8091]

Guido Sales Calvano your mother seems like a great woman

[@antoinettenovella1630]

This resonates with me. My Dutch parents were attentive and loving, very present but gave me space to learn from my own mistakes..

[@johndiamantidis8016]

Are you saying your mother gave you bruises from hitting you?

[@mikedebois2566]

As a Dutch and parent, I agree 100%. I had the best childhood ever. My son, well he is not the brightest (hahahaha) but he is one of the most loveable and happiest kids I know.

[@michil75]

The Netherlands is wealthy, well organized, has good education and social security, healthcare, excellent infrastructure, etc... Plus, parents work their asses off. There are no secrets.

[@waiik76]

That's not exactly true. Not for everyone. Medical care us now expensive. Not everybody have a one. So...

[@michil75]

Wai k Oh, relative to the rest of the world, Dutch medical care and coverage is outstanding. But, there is a tendency to gravitate towards the US model yes, i'll give you that. If this ( VVD ) policy continues, the outcome will be disastrous ... as it is in the US.

[@michil75]

Jody Ditzel well yes, but the " eigen bijdrage " ( fee you have to pay to use healthcare ) keeps rising. There are Dutch people who will not go to the doctor because they cannot pay this fee.

[@P4ulbarn]

Parents work their asses off because of the extremely high tax burden. This is partly because of the well organized benefits, but mostly because of a incapable government. In relative to other countries NL is probably doing fine, but it's pretty much stagnating

[@amarvanduijneveldt7931]

The mental healthcare is really bad if you can't affort more than a basic care package :/

[@chorrellpique4057]

As a Dutch person who was born and raised in Amsterdam, there is a relatively common sense of normality that we have here. We don’t like being out of the ordinary and have a very grounded look on things in general. Extravagance and commotion is generally looked down on. For those of you who might think that we are simply left to fend for ourselves, no worries, we’re not. Parents in this country tend to be very affectionate, loving, open and logical. Our parents teach us to communicate our wishes, needs and problems clearly from a very early age, which is probably also where our direct-ness stems from. A lot of things in the Netherlands are seen as normal and/or open for discussion. Thus why we don’t make such a fuss about many things. Independence, education, financial responsibility etc. are things that are taught to be important from an early age on and it’s also what makes our nation a very successful one. Because we look at so many things as normal and we have such a grounded attitude towards life in general, parents are more understanding, patient and accepting of an individual sorting out who they are, what they want and where they’ll go. Parents don’t typically pressure children into doing things they believe they should be doing, instead, they motivate them to go their own way and do what is necessary to become that person. In this this country we are all individuals and we simply do not feel it is necessary to constantly steer another individual in a certain direction, rather than allowing them to live their own life and sort it out. We also strongly believe that whatever you decide, you are going to be the person dealing with whatever consequences, as opposed to other countries who believe that the choice of 1 person will (constantly) affect their own lives greatly too. There simply is less paranoia here and it’s a lovely environment for children to grow up in.

[@elbaasie8732]

Ik voel mij meer Amsterdammer dan Nederlander

[@chorrellpique4057]

@@elbaasie8732 Dat kan. Ik refereer zelf ook een stuk sneller naar mijzelf als Amsterdammer dan Nederlander (gedeeltelijk opgegroeid en opgevoed in de Jordaan), maar Amsterdam is nog steeds Nederland. We hebben het hier best goed :)

[@elbaasie8732]

Dat is zeker waar!!

[@BlitzsieLDiscoLSnow]

@@elbaasie8732 Oeff, heb je daarnaast ook het gevoel alsof alles buiten de A10 buitenland is? :P

[@Leon_Schuit]

@@BlitzsieLDiscoLSnow, kan haast niet anders, we hebben het over iemand uit 020. Ik erger me overigens te pletter aan deze video, Nederlandse ouders zijn al lang niet meer zo, tegenwoordig zijn ze te druk met werk, en doen ze niet meer aan opvoeden. Opvoeden moet gebeuren in een basisschool, of een kinderopvang, daar hebben ouders geen tijd en zin meer voor. Zij willen alleen maar beste vriendjes zijn met hun kinderen, en alleen maar leuke dingen met ze doen...

[@classesanytime]

This is utterly the best ever compliment the Dutch can ever receive as a nation !! We're being hailed as very good caretakers of the future generations !! It's also very comforting to know that we're on the right track !! Thank you so much for this video !!

[@magatamaagitsune5635]

I have been living in the Netherlands all my life, born and raised there. However, when I recently moved to America for middle and highschool it still is the worst experience in the academic world I have ever had. Period. 27-page packets and tests immediately after. Annoying classmates, I always feel on edge when dealing with American classmates since they seem sooo different from Dutch classmates. There is nooo room for helping your student to follow their dreams, there is no way to help students handle immense pressure and stress, and there is not even a moment where you sit in a circle in class, and just talk and give opinions like I used to in my Dutch school. No intellectual and creative practices, more intense bullying, fear, and expensive surroundings. If I went into a Dutch classrooml it was neat and almost minimalistic, three tables with a board and stairs to a creativity room where there were scissors and supplies. ONE TEACHER who you can have a connection with over time. I can go on and on, but I am tired tbh

[@erikarobertson3654]

It’s one of the main reasons I returned to The Netherlands after spending a decade in the USA, for the sake of my children! I wanted them to have a similar childhood that I had, I didn’t want to be a helicopter mom! My kids are grown now and had, as far as I can tell, a great childhood, with much outdoor time, many social activities and very little pressure. However, the switch between a fairly laidback elementary school and high school is enormous! Not only the amount of homework that the kids need to deal with, but also the different levels based on a child’s academic performance on a test in group 8 (6th grade) is a far cry from elementary school, it is old fashioned and should be updated!

[@nomicurrier1909]

i was born and raised in the netherlands until 8, then i came to america. i still have problems with the afct that all my friends have so much anxiety about everything! no one was allowed to do anything becuase of there partens. no one did anything becuase they were afriad. then yet all there parents look up at me to be the responisable one, saying that my parents were lucky to have me. i wasnt born this way but raised!

[@LMvdB02]

Zieke spelling man

[@albertschoise8091]

Lars Van Den Broek ach laat hem toch

[@Saartje05]

@@LMvdB02 DAT is nou dyslexie. Heel veel mensen beweren dat ze dyslectisch zijn terwijl dat niet zo is, het omdraaien van letters is echter WEL een vorm van dyslexie.

[@erikloupias7642]

@@Saartje05 Typefout en te lui om het te corrigeren kan ook een reden zijn,niet?

[@Saartje05]

@@erikloupias7642 Kan. Hoeft niet. Je kan vaak het verschil wel zien.

[@anniec3c73]

I am born and raised Dutch living in the US for a long time. For the past year, I have been tutoring kids and I still use the Dutch approach in my work. I teach my students to be self-sufficient so that no matter the quality of their teacher they can succeed in their education. It is interesting to hear this TED talk and to understand that I am tutoring the way I was brought up. Thank you.

[@tedxkazimierz]

Glad the talk supports your approach. Richard Lucas - TEDxKazimierz

[@JoeyPsych]

Freedom is very important in the Netherlands, freedom of speech, freedom of press, freedom of privacy, freedom of religion. We do NOT like to be told how to live, and this starts at a young age, where we are being told that freedom is a gift. Take the 4th of may for example, the huge amount of respect for the people who fought for this luxury called freedom, results in an entire country of 17 million people being silent for 2 minutes at the same time. We learn to have this respect and value it at a young age. So when it comes to raising our children, freedom is what we teach them. This also includes the freedom to make mistakes, which results in gaining a better perspective in responsibility for our own choices. Being independent and free learns us not to rely on others as much, we become more self sufficient. Solving our own problems, like fixing a broken tire from your bike, is something most Dutch people know how to do, because we had to learn it at a young age if we wanted to go anywhere alone by bike. It's a state of mind being Dutch, do take it with a grain of salt what I say, but it does have some validity to it. Adults can learn this as well. Don't rely to much on other to do things for you or to constantly help you, try to do it yourself first. Give yourself some freedom as well, and remember always to treat others the way you would want others to treat you, and you're halfway to being Dutch already.

[@Dutchman-2002]

Not to be that guy, but my immigrant neighbors are super loud when its 4th of May. This country- no.. Europe is losing its culture and respect thereof

[@forkless]

@@Dutchman-2002 So they are super loud once a year? Damn, I wish I had your problems.

[@hilleoomen2603]

@@forkless the 4th of May is very important in the Netherlands. It's the Day we remember the People Who died in the wars.

[@forkless]

@@hilleoomen2603 I'm quite aware of Dodenherdenking since I am Dutch. Two things though; Firstly, that moment of piety on 4th of May is 2 minutes, from 8pm to 8.02pm Secondly and more importantly, while it may be a solemn moment -- by the way my father was from the 2nd World War generation always keenly observed how "everyone" were in the resistance after the war ended -- I take people' freedom to do as they please very seriously, which includes their right to make noise. Lastly, the entire 4th of May is literally littered with loud music all over the country the entire day. To me @SCP-939 sounds like an azijnpisser that feels the urge to just moan about immigrants. I have two words for him -- F him.

[@jaysimoes3705]

@@Dutchman-2002 My whole city is extremely loud from 18.00-02.00 from new years eve to news years day...How terrible is that?!!

[@MimouFirst]

It is really normal here (the Netherlands) to only work 4 days, that's still true. Also kids are more free here because the bikes and the rather safe bike lanes. But I do feel that parents are getting more fearfull about there kids over here as well. Kids are also pressured more and more :c

[@some_girl_you_dont_know6489]

To me it isn't normal to work just 4 days, most people around me work 5 to 6 days a week.

[@S_t_even]

Most people I know work 4-5 days a week, roughly 35-40 hours a week. I'm from The Netherlands too but I'm from a very laid-back country town in Noord-Brabant.

[@Widdekuu91]

+Mimou That's because of Americanisation. You can google it on Wikipedia 'Amerikanisering' and it's mentioned there as well. The slight paranoid mentality. It's because American video's online and movies are popular. (and most of them áre American, it's a big country.)

[@Manon627]

yeah. i was thinking of making my kids do a lot like music and sports and such things but this made me realise i should also take it easy with them.

[@dutchdykefinger]

most people i know work 4.5 days on average as in, 5 days of which 1 they get off sooner.

[@Leto85]

What an interesting speech. As a Dutchman myself I wasn't even aware that the way children are brought up is so different compared to other countries.

[@heavierthanlight7173]

Ik denk dat we in NL, in vergelijking met andere, niet zo'n grote prestatiedrang opleggen bij kinderen en ze niet zwaar emotioneel sturen. We hebben een goede basis om ze rationeel en vrij te begeleiden met een tikkeltje richting om in te gaan zien wat wel en niet een bedoeling is voor die leeftijd.. naarmate tijd vordert gaan we hun liefhebben om wie zij zijn ipv wie wij willen dat ze gaan worden.

[@heavierthanlight7173]

En tevens, omdat we in nl massaal op kleine vierkante meters wonen zijn we sneller jong af aan al genoodzaakt op een dergelijke sociale manier met elkaar om te gaan...in het model maslow hebben we de eerste, en derde laag al snel vervuld.

[@bente1695]

HeavierThanLight ik denk dat dit wel verandert de laatste paar jaren. Er word steeds meer druk gelegd op presteren..

[@Snacks079]

Graag zou ik ook zeggen dat wij geen prestatiedrang kennen, maar dat vind ik lastig te verkroppen. Als je een sport beoefend wordt je constant met je prestatie geconfronteerd. Is het niet voetbal en waar je staat op de ranglijst, dan is het tennis waar je diverse toernooien per jaar speelt of mee doet met de competitie. Dan wel een vechtsport waar je examens aflegt. Op school zijn er meerdere toetsen beginnend met het achterlijke cito systeem waar je toekomst voor een groot deel bepaald wordt in een paar uur tijd. En ik begrijp dat tegenwoordig de aanbeveling van de basisschool een gigantische invloed heeft voor het niveau van het voortgezet onderwijs. Daarna krijg je meerdere malen per jaar te maken met toetsweken waar ze volgens het beroemde gezegde van Einstein testen hoe goed een vis een boom kan beklimmen. Dus nee, ook hier worden kinderen constant blootgelegd aan prestatiedrang, maar wij willen zelf heel graag geloven dat het niet zo is omdat wij het niet expliciet uitspreken richting kinderen.

[@RacingPepe]

Kan me hier niet echt in vinden. We hebben in het MBO ten slotte letterlijk de term "prestatiebeurs" waarbij er juist enorme druk gelegd wordt op het "op tijd" slagen voor je opleiding. Doe je dat niet in het geplande aantal jaar, moet je AL je studiefinanciering terugbetalen, bovenop een eventueel geleend bedrag. Met of zonder dat extra bedrag komen er veel met een enorme schuld van school en kunnen daardoor geen hypotheek krijgen. Het resultaat is dat men pas rond de 26-27 echt permanent uit huis gaat en de thuissfeer compleet in elkaar stort. Want wie wil er nou op die leeftijd nog bij ouders in huis wonen? Er is een keerpunt waarop ouders bemoeials worden, en eigenlijk wil je daarvoor al weg zijn.

[@TaYLoRBReaKouT]

HeavierThanLight dat is aan het veranderen. Er ligt heel veel druk op tieners en studenten

[@Ainiewainy]

I have this amazing memory of my childhood in a small "city" under the smoke of a bigger city. We used to have this little window in the front of the house that lead in to the kitchen. During summertime when all the kids were off from school we'd all play outside together. And during lunch or snack times my house became the "snack bar" of the street. My mom would make some French fries and got a whole stack of empty coffee filters and fill all of them with some fries and hand them out to every kid who wanted a snack. Or she'd buy huge boxes of ice lollies and during hot moments hand them out. Also candy was bought in bulk. We weren't rich. Mom had at least 5 kids at home herself most of the time. But yet when we her little ones (My mom had her three youngest in three years.) were playing outside she would always give the other kids something to when we begged for a treat. She felt it was unfair to give us treats while surrounded by other kids. So if she couldn't hand anything out to other kids at times she told us to come inside and eat the treat there before going back out. But that rarely happened. She pretty much always had some extra treats hidden away. My mom had 7 biological kids. The first four in a span of 6 years with her first husband. After a tough divorce she met my dad, and twelve years later she had added another three in just three years time. At that point she had 7 kids ranging from 19 years to newborn. She loves kids so much. Still does. Seeing as there are 5 grandchildren and counting. I'm hoping to add a few more to the list. I inherited my mom's love for children and the wish to have a big family myself. Hopefully my kids will be able to be raised the Dutch way too!

[@lvi8957]

✌❤

[@thijshagenbeek561]

Honesty. Hard work. Respect. Trust. And a bicycle. Thats how a Dutch person is made.

[@margitx6483]

En hagelslag! 😉

[@myverypersonalstuff]

@@margitx6483 En pindakaas. En een glas melk. En speculaas. En bitterballen by de borrel. En allemaal in een kring op je verjaardag. I live in the UK. Two of our kids were still born in Amsterdam but the third already in London. There are fourteen grandchildren, all growing up in the UK. There is nothing Dutch anymore in our family - apart from the nostalgia Opa shows from time to time., but when one of the grandkids is a bit under the weather, their mother my daughter will say: Daddy, he is 'n beetje zielig. I watched the ending of the Prinsengrachtconcert 2022 yesterday with the sing-along of Aan de Amsterdamse Grachten, and I cried a little. Dutchies, preserve that. There is a lot wrong but, when you try to fix that, please be careful you don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. Ik wou 't maar even gezegd hebben.

[@vhp8146]

My landlord threatened to evict me if I didn't stand outside & watch my kids every minute while they were outside. Since I have work & chores to do inside the house, I couldn't stand around outside all day, so I had to bring my kids inside. Also my kids had nobody to play with because the few other kids in the neighborhood preferred to stay inside watching TV and their parents let them. One time my son & nephew were playing soccer in the cul-de-sac and a neighbour came out and yelled at them to stop because the ball might hurt the tree that was in the middle of the cul-de-sac. These issues can't be fixed until society changes their attitudes and gets their priorities straight.

[@91JudithO]

As a new parent, having been born and raised in the Netherlands myself and living there now, I never thought about it very much. I never realised that parenting is different in different countries, let alone that some 'normal' things here would seem amazing elsewhere. The world is changing, though. I do feel anxious, and I do wish to have more time with my daughter, even though I work 32 hours a week rather than 40 or more. I am trying very hard to replicate the free feeling I experienced as a child, yet do not always feel capable.

[@loveabi753]

This amazing lady was visibly stressed, but I am so glad she is overcoming her stage stress and giving those talks, because the message is very important and beautiful :))

[@richardlucas8209]

I organised this event,. Michelle had a bad accident on the way to the Conference, She did an incredible job in the circumstances, Richard Lucas Curator TEDxKazimierz.

[@Dextamartijn]

I immigrated to Canada when I was 11 years old and raising my kids the Dutch way never even realized my boys love playing outside. I like biking in the rain it is nice and refreshing if I could bike to work my parents always said you don't melt in the rain.

[@Dutchman-2002]

Je bent niet gemaakt van suiker

[@TheGijzzz]

As a dutch kid in my childhood it was common use as an exiting school trip to get dropped in the forrest at night and let us find the way home unsupervised. (We never lost any kids this way and all got home safe ) After regular schooldays we got outside to play with only one rule get home in time for supper. And stay out of trouble( and discouver yourself what trouble is 😂) got my own doorkey on a rope around my neck and responsibility with it . I had a great youthood and learned a lot in the university of life.

[@crystalbernard9488]

Good Lord, I lived in a very upper class town in N.Y. and the parents drove their little darlings to school every day, creating a huge traffic jam when their kids were supposed to take the bus. And "play dates" were more about making business connections for your kids early then playing. With adults hovering about. When I first moved there I saw children playing across the way from me so I took my two kids over to join. I was told they were having a playdate and it would be very disruptive if any other unknown kids were to join. Can you imagine that? I was raised in the U.S. by Dutch descent parents who believed that taking the bus was a good social experience and that the more the merrier when it came to playing outside.

[@p.a.g3357]

This is similar to Sweden, grew up biking around the town and to the school. Didn't ask if my friends could come over, just simply went after school. Never had to bother about school work, just a place where you went to study for like 6 hours.

[@ILOVEYOUhartje1]

I’m a Dutch au pair living in the USA, so i got a good taste of both ways of raising, and i totally agree with this video. This is a great video and i think that what she said is completely true and well said.

[@saviodias7747]

How is ur experience?

[@yilo1417]

No homework as a kid was awesome but when i got into high school i got bombarded with homework... which i did during class so still didnt have homework... and in collage oh boy i have to do homework everyday or else you are like 10% screwed.

[@Saartje05]

I never felt it as being bombarded, but then again I think it different per school. When I was in High School we almost had EVERY afternoon off. My longest day ended at 1.50pm. The rest of the day was for us. Enough time to relax, do homework or whatever. That also was different in others schools I know.

[@dadikkedude]

I'm Dutch, I raised myself. My dad physically and emotionally not there and a mom physically there, but not emotionally. I was free to do what I wanted. Not allways making the best discussions, but I'm grateful for my experience. A safe and idyllic Amsterdam is not the Amsterdam I grew up in. I saw violence, death, police, drugs from a very early age. All is well when you have the money to take time of work for your kids, this only applies to corporates. Make no mistake that the social pressure to preform is massive, driving most of my male friends in particular to drug and alcohol abuse. These foreign elites drive the people from Amsterdam, from their own city leaving no space except for the well off with a army of police avoiding problem areas and protecting their neighborhoods. It's a city devided, socially and economically, culturally even.

[@dianethompson2458]

Sam I am so sorry you had to experience such awful things. I grew up in Canada with an alcoholic father and a seriously mentally ill mother in the 1960s. I tried to raise my own child with love and respect. We had one rule only in our house when he was growing up. Do not hurt yourself or anyone else. We valued his opinion and welcomed his input. The world is changing now. People are becoming more compassionate and loving. I hope for a future where the type of parenting outlined here is universally used. I hope you are happy now.

[@nancyvandewalker555]

I’m Dutch American, sounds like my childhood here in the states ♥️ like it’s embedded in my soul 😊😊

[@theresejourdain9922]

A very nice talk about the dutch culture, I am dutch but not living there but in New Zealand.

[@fleur8100]

It looks like she is reading the schoolguide. Btw I get the feeling she's aiming for perfection herself.

[@lienbijs1205]

Why? Your name sounds Dutch, you don't recognize what I describe?

[@weeardguy]

Not only that, but I get the feeling she is quite nervous as well. I do understand that, but she's hard to follow because she takes a breath at such random points in sentences that she starts to swallow words. It's the main reason why I hardly ever watch such TEDx videos, as I usually can't stand listening to it long enough due to a lack of narration skills by the person on stage. And though I understand the setup of those TEDx talks to be able to do just that, it's a pity it doesn't really work that well on video...

[@baronvonlimbourgh1716]

She isn't dutch, she's an import ;). That must be the reason.

[@thefish6293]

I’m a Dutch parent and I must say it doesn’t feel like doing less......

[@jessezwolle2000]

You don't know any different.

[@jezzika7454]

I dont think it is doing less. It is doing diffrent. Not doing something for your kids doesnt mean less work because you have to learn them to do it themselves. And also letting them do things for themselves means you don't do it but you still have this psychological burden of it. I'm a Dutch parent and I don't think I do less than my American friends, just diffrent

[@bente1695]

The Fish she says “less” when she should’ve said “less strict/restricting”. It’s not less parenting, it’s a different approach.

[@thefish6293]

:ToggleSwitch: I dunno, I let them ride the subway by themselves and run with scissors

[@zieverinkpatrick]

I'm now 19 and have always needed to cycle to anywhere since I lived in a rural area (5 to 10 km per travel easily). And therefore my proudest possession was my bike, even though I KOed it 4 or 5 times in 6 years. But I did learn how to fix a bike and sat in a car a maximum of 2 times a week (for sports or family, which was 15km +). I loved it and I still do. I now think that it would be awesome to have a job in a few years (after my degree) within a 10km circle, so I can use the bike instead of a car.

[@BlitzsieLDiscoLSnow]

Same here. Lived in a small village in Noord-Holland, the only close things were the supermarket and primary school. High school was 14 km away, and cycled it almost every day. Sports was about 5-20 km away, depending on what you wanted to do. Did learn how to fix the tires on my bike, how to change saddle, lamps, all kinds of things. Cycling wasn't my favourite way of spending time when I was at high school, but now that I live in a bigger city (because of uni) and the longest I have to cycle is 5 km, I do kinda miss it.

[@Kimboscrub]

I wish that was an option for us but living in Texas, it’s too spread out and too hot to expect a kid to go further than a few blocks on a bike. Imagine it being 105°F and the nearest store is 10 miles away. You’d drop dead from heat stroke.

[@RedbadvanRijn-ft3vv]

Your own mistakes,are the best teacher you wil ever have. So give it room,to make mistakes.

[@drunksanta1427]

As a Dutch person, find this super interesting. Ive always had the most freedom of my friends, i could literally go to Poland if i wanted to, i just had to tell my parents. I always had to bike everywhere, which at the time really sucked but later was pretty handy

[@augustvctjuh8423]

What she talks about totally applies to how my parents raised my 3 siblings and me. It's also true for most of my friends. But I live in a bubble. My girlfriend was raised in a completely different way, and this video doesn't apply to her parents at all.

[@penelopebunce]

it's so funny so watch this as a Dutch girl. I didn't realise we were so different from the rest of the western world

[@marit5438]

mer Me 2, I thought that what we did was normal. That every child in rich countries grow up like us haha

[@piplupempoleon4225]

Third world country, poor country even worse in education and work culture

[@Unique_username729]

Dutch guy here. You barely have homework until you reach highschool and after that you suddenly have to do 2 hours a day. Kids are never prepared for that and have a really hard time coping with going from zero to 100 in a matter of no time at all

[@ronaldderooij1774]

2 hours a day is not much, and most of the time you can do half of it during school hours.

[@AudieHolland]

Nowadays, with all the distractions from tablets and mobile phones, it's harder than in my time. So yeah, we had homework and it was fine. And for some classes you were well prepared and for some, we were not because we didn't feel like doing our homework. Was rather embarassing when the teacher did a casual quiz, asking questions while walking around the classroom. "Uh... Yeah. I guess I didn't study that part." Ok, what about your neighbour? "Actually... Ummm... [sighs] I remember Biology was one of the 'victims' or most students not giving a damn because the tests were rather easy anyway so you just had to study really hard a few days before a test. Maths was a problem. Those who were good at it, simply 'got it' and never needed to study much. The rest of us, we could study for hours but it wouldn't do us much good. But it's true: actual grades didn't matter that much provided you scored high enough to pass. No 'first of your class' ranking board or other such nonsens.

[@Potjandorie]

I never did my homework untill I reached hbo

[@limnaee1812]

Tegenwoordig op basisschool heb je best veel huiswerk en taken

[@MisFellatio]

Never did any homework in high school. Wasnt a problem at all

[@thelifeofpaola982]

the constant use of ¨Holland¨ instead of ¨the Netherlands¨ is reaaally distracting! Holland is not a country..

[@GuusJanssen]

It bothered me too, constantly. Holland is a small part of the Netherlands, and definitely not the same as the Netherlands. I suspect she lives in Amsterdam, which is in one of the Dutch provinces called Holland (there's North and South Holland) and now confuses Holland with the Netherlands.

[@b00_2]

Guus. Its just a thing... in Hungary we say Hollandia. Thats the name. For Wienna the capital of Austria we say Becs. Also. Some hungarians just say Anglia when they refer to the whole UK.

[@b00_2]

Iris. Please look at wikipedia for example in hungarian. If you search for Netherlands we say Holland. Everywhere. In the lexicon in the history books all over everywhere. To us that is the name of your country.

[@idontwantadigitalfootprint]

I dunno, I'm Dutch too. And of course I know the factual difference. But everyone I know uses Holland and The Netherlands interchangeably (and I'm from a farm town in Gelderland, so it's not because I'm from Amsterdam). It's just rhetorics and totally fine and common

[@joachimzeth]

Boo, We’re talking about English and not Hungarian. In English ‘Holland’ refers to 2 provinces and The Netherlands refers to the Country. It has nothing to do with Hungarian. Yes, in Hungarian you say Hollandia but the same word in English is The Netherlands.

[@jezzika7454]

Funny how the Dutch people say it is not true. They should really be in a different country for a while and then look at this Ted talk again. Maybe you may not agree but many things are just so normal. Yes not everyone is rich BUT we let our kids relatively free in this country, we let them develop and play on their own without us hovering them, which basically is the main subject. And ofcourse we have many parents working hard, most are, but we still work less than many other nations.

[@JoeyPsych]

I have yet to read a comment from Dutch people saying this is not true, but maybe they are further down the comment section.

[@Denz2799]

I think that that mindset, that vision of imperfection they have of their own life and system may have helped them to try and be better

[@No-ys1ew]

As someone who is born and raised in the Netherlands a lot of this is true but it mostly depends on the parents.

[@corinerueb2035]

I loved reading the book

[@lilliangraham9850]

this is what parenting should be

[@realmofthesenses]

Well, some people say middle class and elite children in Holland are relatively happy because mostly at least one of their parents works part time or is a stay at home mom or dad. Homework depends on age, school, level, learning challenges or not. In my teens I never did all my homework, because it took too much tim to finish it all. I wanted to be "ready" before dinner.

[@Tacko14]

Well said! I missed one thing though: responsability. I was very relaxed raising mine, kinda like Poohbear, but I never let them off the hook either. No free ride, even if you make a joke. Raising kids is preparing them to be adults, they have to be ready to be independant come that day

[@phyliciajoykloes]

This video is awesome. I am Dutch, and growing up here was awesome. I've enjoyed being a kid for a long time. My parents are very open, and also raised me like such. However, obviously not all Dutch parents are like this. I've had friends who had to sneak around, while my parents talked to me about everything.

[@tedxkazimierz]

thanks for the compliment. greetings from TEDxKazimierz Richard Lucas

[@kaideumers6102]

As a Dutch kid of 14 y.o. I must say that yes, I do have a lot of free time but I rarely see people in my class for example, play outside. Also yes, I do a lot of things with my family but my parents work a lot and they are divorced (my mom still works for my dads company though) and I see my dad just less simply because of his work and often when he IS around he still has to do work at home. I am at my moms place most of the time with my younger brother (12 y.o.) but we don’t do things together very often, we just talk a lot because we are in the same room. But to come back to the playing outside thing, every day after school i come home and my younger brother is already on his ipad playing games, he only comes outside for his trampoline or sports. And it’s not just him because he plays it with all of his friends and if i would go outside, then i could look all over my town for kids playing but it would mostly be 5y olds because they have lots of fantasy. And I wouldn’t exactly say that every kid is happy, in my school we have actually pretty much people who cut themselfs in the arm because they are unhappy, are depressed, or in the worst case, suicide. (now this is a very rare occasion but then still it does happen) The idea of freedom was actually pretty accurate alltough, in my case, it wasn’t untill i was almost 14 when i could go to a city (but only with my friends, not alone) and this comment is getting a bit long so I will end it here, apologies for my bad english I am in 3VWO tto so i am trying my best (the highest school and most of my classes in english)

[@ellinorvandentop]

This exactly. I'm also Dutch and 17 now, and I have experienced freedom a lot, but it's not like we all have amazing lives. There still are flaws to be found. I have never gone to a school where there were almost none to no depressed kids. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain! Yes it is influenced by surroundings, for sure, but just because your life is good doesn't mean you can't get depression. I went to highschool when I was eleven, and started with Gymnasium. It was a school about an hour away by train, and I usually went alone. No big deal. Didn't catch the bus? Wait an hour for the next one, just call the school and say you'll be late and inform a parent. It was a bit scary at first, but now I'm more independent than I would have been if I hadn't done that on my own. I also went everywhere on my bike, and played outside a lot. However, the kids that are seven now don't do that a lot anymore. Phones are a big thing here too, and more freedom doesn't always mean they actually want to go outside. I completely agree with everything you have stated here above! Your English is amazing, don't worry! Just watch loads of movies to learn more, it's fun and educational! (Just a seventeen year old casually giving the younger kids excuses to sit inside and watch movies. Heh... Sorry...) Anyway, just do you and don't let others get you down, highschool can be terrifying and incredibly frustrating, but once you're done you'll realise it wasn't a huge part of your life anyway. Don't be afraid to fail, you're young and still have loads of time to grow! Love, E.

[@jisi3055]

Damn je praat pittig goed Engels voor een 14 jarige

[@7slaper]

You're doing great! Having an opinion of your own also is very Dutch. LOL Keep up the good work. :) I'm a mother of four, grown-up kids. Of course, you want your kids to be happy and at the same time achieve something in life, and not to spill their talents. Some steering in the right direction may be necessary sometimes; it's not always beer and roses. Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised to see that our way of parenting drew the attention of foreigners in a positive way.

[@kaideumers6102]

JiSi ik doe tto (twee talig onderwijs) en yt😂

[@olofhuntjens7255]

@@ellinorvandentop Jouw Engels is behoorlijk goed hahha

[@kayliemulvihill9376]

I'm Irish and I'm 13 and I'd say my parents are very laid back like some of my friends parents are so strict and there not allowed do anything but I'm happy that mine let me have my freedom because I'm very close with them and tell them alot of stuff most teens would never dare tell there parents like some of my friends that have strict parents lie and tell them nothing and have a bad relationship with them. (Dont mind my grammer I rushed it😂)

[@dianeshelton9592]

It depends where you are in Ireland. The troubles still cast a long shadow in NI and along the border. Parents there or who have come from there are going to be anxious about their children. You can’t really let your children play outside amongst soldiers on patrol.

[@averypoggamer3700]

@@dianeshelton9592 Why not

[@DEKIKK]

We dutch are just very simple and straight to the point. We just leave and finish things in time so were rarely stressed. Just do it, and stop complaining. It makes life so much easier.

[@myverypersonalstuff]

Gewoon doen, dus. Untranslatable phrase that sums up Dutchness.

[@maidaerdenhout]

I am raised in the old dutch way, since my parents were quite old when they had me , but is was worth all of it !

[@silvereagle404]

such a shame, that our ''dutch way'' is getting destroyed by the economy. everything gets more expensive every year. 20 years ago, we had one parent that worked and sustained a family. now we NEED 2 working parents and our family time becomes less and less.. kids going to pre-shool daycare, after shool daycare. we are losing this work family balance, and we are losing it quickly!

[@tsippora9267]

Even if it's not possible today to have only one parent working, the fact that it was possible in the 21st century at all is a great privilege. I'm Dutch but now live in Israel, and here often four working people in the family still won't make you able to buy a house.

[@willzyxOfficial]

+silvereagle404 One problem here is that wealth is always relative to others. In those times when only one parent worked, that was sufficient. When suddenly half the families have two working parents, that means a double income becomes the new standard, and families with one working parent will be comparatively worse off. Now you reach a point where two parents HAVE to work. A sad side effect of when everyone around you starts running faster, you also have to run faster to catch up.

[@scrappedlives]

@@willzyxOfficial It's not only that. Because of 2 working parents, prices have gone up way faster then during the time when it was normal there was a stay at home mom/dad. The salary of one person was enough to rent or buy a home and pay the bills. Now that's not possible for most people, especially not for you couples.

[@willzyxOfficial]

@@scrappedlives Yes, those prices go up for the same reason, that families with two incomes have and spend more money. It's a vicious circle reinforcing itself. Make more money, higher prices, make even more money to afford it, even higher prices... Unfortunately not easy to stop this. It's the same with focusing on grades in education. Places like the US and Asia have much higher pressure, because high grades have become necessary there, despite not having much better results than in NL. That's why in NL we should treasure our relatively low pressure on kids, and less focus on showing off wealth, because in the end it doesn't improve our lives, it worsens it by increasing pressure on everyone.

[@theBabyDead]

@@willzyxOfficial that's only partially true. Our biggest problem is that we opened our housing market to foreign investors. Our housing is incredibly expensive compared to most countries... And, by the way, it's not entirely true either. I can support a family with my wages... I could support 2. There's still a lot of people with similar wages to mine. But for the lower level jobs, yes, it'll require 2 working parents.

[@Bertuzz84]

Living in the Netherlands i don't really have the experience that it rains a lot. According to weeronline it only rains about 10% of the time.

[@isobelmeikle9065]

This is totally not true about homework. I am a Brit living in The Netherlands with my dutch partner and two children. The children do get homework from about the age of eight. They gradually get more how older they get. When I was in the U.K. I don't remember getting homework at the Primary School as most of the work was done in the class. The school days are shorter here, the school ends at 2 o' clock every day. This means that the parents end up sitting with their children, sometimes for hours, giving lessons on something which in my opinion should be done in a classroom with a qualified teacher. The education system here is all about numbers, nearly every single week they get tested for something. They get a piece of homework, get told to go home and learn it and the following week you get a tested on it. When I was at school I found it to be more creative. We had to write nearly every day, didn't matter what it was about; just what was in your head. I miss that here. I also don't like the fact that when your child joins the school at four years, that the parents have to state what level of education they have completed. I do believe that intelligence can be inherited, but there are many different reasons why someone hasn't got a University degree. It could be that the person had problems at home, or it could be that it was for financial reasons. It could also be that the person just wanted to go another direction with their career. Should my child be judged om my decisions in life? I have been living here now for over 15 years now and have to say that The Netherlands is a great country and has a lot to offer people, but don't be fooled that it is any different from any other Western country. The children here sit indoors as well with their PlayStations and iPads.

[@marielvanhees9531]

Infrastructure in the US in the city and suburbs doesn't allow parents to set their children free. There are no bike lanes, traffic laws barely have any pedestrian or cycling priority (right of way) opportunities. To get to a playground neighborhood streets are always busy in a car centric country. Maybe when a child is 10 years old parents allow them to go out. But parents will still tag along if younger than that. Even when children are out exploring by themselves their travel routs are always on someone else property. Side walks are home owner property and responsibly in up keep, and very inconsistently available. The sidewalk may suddenly end and not be available until a few blocks ahead or across a busy street. Even for adults, other than our public township tax payer playgrounds, there isn't really anywhere to go with out having to pay to be there. There are many parenting ways in Dutch life that can be implemented, but more outdoor independence doesn't come easily. Unless one lives out in rural areas far from the city.

[@demasa]

It felt good climbing 5 meter tall trees as a 9 year old.

[@StofStuiver]

Which is basically impossible nowadays, bc trees in cities have the lower branches cut off, for exactly that reason.

[@tedxkazimierz]

So it sounds like this talk rings true. :-) thanks for the comment.

[@Notrees]

Met vallen en opstaan kan je alleen maar vooruit gaan 👌

[@frarelblackbird8613]

True. All is true. And for me so obvious. I live in the Netherlands.

[@Mutukula]

You rock have got a cousin with Kiddies living in den Haag. It’s so true. Most developed countries have become nanny states. Responsibilities , boundaries..... are necessary for resilient young adults. I have always wanted to move there from Australia .

[@tedxkazimierz]

So it sounds like this talk confirms what you heard. Thanks for the comment. Maybe you can make the move?. Go for it.

[@JL-zw7hi]

I can confirm as a 13 year old dutchie.

[@NotAfraidToQuestionThings]

Presenter: "for obvious reasons, we can't all move to Holland". Polish audience: *hold my beer... ...Actually, gimme back my beer and watch.

[@pjotrbecker7230]

Made me laugh out loud, thank you!

[@_Vengeance_]

Funny thing is, in my street the Dutch are actually the minority, with Polish being the majority. However, I have no problem with them: they're not the typical problem causers, they're just your average resident. While there's no negativity there's no positive interaction either, but that's more so because of the street's layout (this is a single street leading out of the village to a dead end, with a waterway on 1 side). The only "problem" is that some of them own an office building and turned it into a weed plantation which the cops have shut down multiple times (haven't heard anything of it for about a year now though, so perhaps they stopped with that), but as long as they don't bother anyone with that it's no problem.

[@monikaannarozasmoragiewicz4092]

Hahahah good one

[@peachezprogramming]

Cycling infra allows children to get around safely. In US you have to drive a car to get around and the cities are suburbs so you can’t get around without a car. Children are sheltered at home, trapped in a prison

[@sleepsmartsmashstress8705]

The Dutch way of raising children is splendid

[@dawnmaster68]

The whole idea in the Dutch way overall, I think … is experience is the best teacher. Not forcing stuff on to them becourse you think they need to know, but creating a setting that allows them to be someone that wants to know. And as they have a right to every succes, so do they have a right to every failure. the only thing you as a parent need to do, is make sure they can learn from those mistakes. Succes to everyone, and anyone, can only tast sweet if you know the difference.

[@Altaranalt]

The orange carrot? xD Dutch wanting to make everything orange.

[@bente1695]

Altaranalt we literally did that because of our royals, the oranges, lmaoo

[@taunteratwill1787]

They should be happy with the orange liar Trump then.

[@NS-un5lz]

@@taunteratwill1787 You should get a brain, moron.

[@annekerotterdam7499]

We have purple carrots too... All 'colours' are welcome.

[@taunteratwill1787]

@@NS-un5lz Thank you for showing us not who you are but what you are :-)

[@Saartje05]

I never worked after 5 pm and I don't see why I would have. They didn't pay me to work after 5pm. When I was still working they even tried to let us work on saturday because there was still work. The answers they get was 'hire more people' instead of 'sure'.

[@TheGabygael]

I am nearly 20 and the older I get, the more I feel like 2hours of homework I had in secondary school do more harm than good. When I was a teen I had to choose between work and friends, I ended up choosing neither

[@mateuszgwizdalla]

Odd that this is advice, because this all sounds like common sense

[@bonniefelis5427]

1 was born 1950 I grew with that freedom

[@oksanashulha7514]

Mr Bart is the best teacher I have ever seen))))))))))

[@tedxkazimierz]

Sent him this talk. (for sure you can track him down on your school website. Teachers appreciate appreciation and recognition. Often they don't get enough. Richard Lucas TEDxKazimierz

[@TheShiftingSounds]

I liked it living in The Netherlands.

[@thatdutchguy2882]

We are as logical as vulcan's and as liberated as hippies. The Swedish got nothing on us. 💪Dutch.

[@kwamystar2210]

Goed gesproken!

[@rozyb007]

Actually laugh out loud :)

[@juliustaal2555]

But when you attend high school your life will get destroyed by homework. I hate my life now

[@BlitzsieLDiscoLSnow]

If you need someone to talk to, just send me a message. I'm from the Netherlands as well and luckily have been done with highschool for a couple of years now, so I might have some advice for you if you want it :)

[@Arthurnijssen]

Helemaal mee eens ik ga echt dood

[@emmie1176]

Bereid je voor op studeren

[@piplupempoleon4225]

Bruh, you need to wide your scope, poor country have it much worse

[@rirtif]

It doesn't rain a lot in Holland, like was said. If you bike everyday to school, well, then the rain will hit you sometime.

[@bertoverweel6588]

We work to live , not live to work , in the Netherlands .

[@dorksouls9215]

How about teenagers and young adults in the netherlands? il tell u that that aint going too well

[@emmie1176]

Can you elaborate?

[@piplupempoleon4225]

Still much better than in asia

[@anyaleshchenko9749]

Interesting and informative, but it’s annoying that the women was reading all the time. I would understand non-native speaker reading the text, but not a native 😅

[@Claudia-sm9te]

And she's very hard to understand to.

[@OP-1000]

She was very nervous.

[@martinavancampen-wierda9026]

Anya Leshchenko that’s unfair to her. She did a great job I think. It’s not an easy subject in Poland.

[@anyaleshchenko9749]

OP 1000 But she was really reading it all the time, not just checking the text from time to time. The topic is not easy indeed, but it’s TED after all... and she is native! Anyways, no matter if she read it or not, the topic was really interesting, she did a good job and I watched it till the end. :)

[@lo1173]

Yes interesting topic, but a serious lack of presentation skills

[@enricio]

How intelligent! This episode of Tedx Talk

[@tedxkazimierz]

Thank you - Michele did a great job. Richard Lucas - TEDxKazimierz

[@dutchdykefinger]

Dutch, and raised way too overprotected... still dealing with the consequences about the breakfast thing, they say a sweet breakfast keeps the hunger away longer my grandparents used to eat the heavy hot dinner at noon, and lunch in the evening, as it was more logical to their distribution of energy spent during the day. it's actually good practice, but i don't see it that often anymore. when i feel like it, i'll make spaghetti in the morning too.

[@Bromidias]

Really nice ted talk, but please stop using the word Holland... our country is called The Netherlands.

[@MIGHTYcbu]

This is not on the level i expect from TEDx, and ill prepared, she constantly reads from the paper, not looking at the audience.

[@riannecoops]

MIGHTYcbu totally agree! Thought I was the only one bothered by her poor lack of presentation

[@jaapongeveer6203]

Give her a break. A lot of TEDx speakers are ordinary citizens who are not professionals on speaking tours. They are simply sharing experiences that people can adopt or not and learn from, or not.

[@mayorem]

She might not be a natural in presenting, but I think she does it pretty well! She keeps calm, pauses at the right moments, and tells her story clearly. I have seen a LOT worse presentations.

[@ariebhjd]

MIGHTYcbu I hope you still understands what she had to say because the message is more important then the way it is brought to you.

[@r21167]

Yes! This could’ve been interesting if she just memorised what she wanted to say…

[@black4pienus]

I loved playing outside. We would meet up with all the kids in the neighborhood and play games like tag and hide and seek. But I lived in a little town. I doubt parents in the middle of a busy city like Amsterdam would let their kids play outside unsupervised though. Or only where the parent could still watch them from the window. When I look at American families and schools it seems very competitive to me. Causing kids more stress than needed. To me it's more important and logical to make kids enjoy learning instead of just demanding good grades. I soaked up more information in a class I enjoyed than in a class you would just have to learn rows of words, for instance. And let there be a world after school. Don't make them being busy with school work all day. A well rested student is a better student.

[@toekkababy5329]

I was taking the metro in amsterdam alone when i was 9 to karate lessons

[@martijnhoogesteger4466]

Another reason we don't have to work so hard to maintain our kids is because the government contributs financially.

[@tedxkazimierz]

Thanks for the comment. How much does it cost - parents or others - to put a child through education to the end of university, and cover their health care costs? Government support has to be paid for out of taxation, so a key fact to share is the cost effectiveness of government funded education against private schools' cost. In some countries, like Switzerland, it seems that taxes are low and state schools are free.

[@martijnhoogesteger4466]

@@tedxkazimierz you're welcome. But the cost of education depends on what they study. Highschool is paid and after that for example university can be a loan or a gift. If you succeed within 10 years at least half is a gift up to the full amount. This loan/ gift is via the government. The reason for this is everyone can have a chance to get a college/ university degree, even if you're parents don't have a ton of money. College students even get free public transport on school days. Btw the amount of child support is around 250 euro per 3 months. This increases when a child grows up and is until the age of 18. When parents work and they have to bring their kids to daycare they also are compensated financially. Keep up the good work with TEDx always like the shows! Greetings from the Netherlands.

[@martijnhoogesteger4466]

@@tedxkazimierz ps kids health care is free until the age of 18. Even standard dental care is free up to 18. After that an average health care insurance, including dental care, is around 125 euro per month. But people with lower income get a deduction from the government, up to about 75 euro a month.

[@soulspeaker1979]

I never understood "play dates" that a n American couple wanted to arrange for their kids with my son. We did that once and told them our kids da here just go out like free range kids. The look on their faces..... Took a bit of convincing, but once they got used to it....

[@StofStuiver]

You mean to say it is actually common in the US to arrange play dates for kids? We just went out and played. play date concept seems alien to me.

[@beautifullEternal]

Love the term free range kids lmao

[@sneezn.cheekan8122]

free range kids! 😂 made me chuckle. lovel it, both the term and the concept

[@gillianbergh7002]

I never heard of playdates until I the 1990's. As kids we got to know others in our neighbourhood when we played out in the street, or through school. Sometimes it was because our parents became friends with their parents.

[@heyo9309]

This is all so normal for me

[@ronaldderooij1774]

Yep, my son was 5 years old and he climbed the tree in our garden on his own…… still wearing his wooden shoes. Yes, he is still alive and well and is now 20 (not on wooden shoes anymore).

[@antoinettenovella1630]

I was bought up by Dutch immigrants in Australia, my mother made me wear clogs to school. Troll bait.

[@johndiamantidis8016]

Do Dutch parents spank?

[@EowynCloud]

Am I the only Belgian person that's tilted over the fact that we have a lot in common with everything she said, yet when people mention "The Dutch" they don't think of that small country right underneath The Netherlands that also speaks primarily Dutch :p

[@tedxkazimierz]

Hi Haikei - sorry Flanders didn't get a mention. Maybe there is another talk to be given. "Bringing up kids the Flemish way"?. Does the education system in Belgium allow the Dutch approach. I've always been impressed with the level of education among Belgians (Flemish and French speaking)I met. Richard Lucas TEDxKazimierz

[@EowynCloud]

@@tedxkazimierzThanks for the reply! And not getting a mention is completely fine seeing how Belgium and The Netherlands ARE two different countries ;) .While I feel that our educational system respects the Dutch approach mentioned in this talk, there are some fundamental differences in our system. Sadly homework is given earlier and more frequent in Belgium, but since we grow up with it Belgian people can cope with it relatively easy! I think the combination of affordable education (no student loans anywhere in Belgium, the government gives compensation to parents for allowing their children for going to higher education) as well as the fact that we get used to doing homework from a young age makes our education what it is today :). Thanks again for the reply!

[@3rl0y]

Please make the intro louder. My headphones didn't vibrate entirely trough my skull!

[@tedxkazimierz]

Richard from TEDxKazimierz here - sorry we can't adjust the volume or make edits now. Hope you like the talk thanks Richard

[@Sehrinur]

The info was very interesting. However it was very hard for me to keep my attention on her. I get that she might be nervous. But I feel like maybe she should follow a course to improve her presentations. Just honest feedback, it's not meant in a negative or demonising way. And this actually goes for both of the ladies. They were both reading for us. It did not feel natural.

[@luxuriantten1854]

I’m dutch and I had to bike for 11 kilometers to get to school every day. Ice, rain, snow goddamn even if there was a blizzard my parents would never even think about bringing me with the car I just had to quit whining and get on my bike!

[@loveisthething]

I see a lot of fear in parents these days. I hardly recognize this story

[@scrappedlives]

Depends on where you live I think. I live in a small town near Utrecht and all the children play outside. Everybody is watching each others children. In Utrecht it's probably different.

[@StofStuiver]

Because of immigration.

[@fabo2695]

What she describes is not for the most Dutch kids these days. That's old days times and the Dutch parents who have good education with good jobs. Most of the Dutch these days have problems with their kids. Even the childeren agencies have waiting lists to get help in solving problems with their kids. Kids and parents are on their mobiles a lot. They don't talk as much as before the mobile times. Kids act up like they are grown ups because of to much information for their age. Kids have bad role models. Like hip hop music artist. A lot of working parents who both work and to tired when coming home to have quality times with their kids. I can tell the lady who speaks married into the more financial stable family. Ofcourse these days that is a great help to be able to cope with many problems. She probably has a nanny for her kids and a cleaning lady who does her house and can afford extra school help for her kids and more. So these days in Holland most kids are not as happy as she is claiming.

[@okidoki878]

Fa Bo maybe your kids. But mine have rules

[@lisw1354]

true, ive been a nanny in holland during my college. And its getting more and more the 'american'' way every year

[@mamischdinne5297]

It may be true that if we look at the past we cannot say that children are equally as happy now as they were back then (But wouldn't that be true for many countries, I wonder.). But I've seen the way kids are raised in the Netherlands, other countries in Europe and in Asia. The sheer amount of hovering, bribing and teaching children silly tricks to show off to friends and family. The way parents seem to not regard their child as a person, but might as well be a dog (I've even heard parents calling their child over like they would a dog. I wish it was a lie.). It still makes me shiver. I must say that if I were to bare a child I would fly to the Netherlands without a doubt in my mind. There are good and bad parents everywhere, but in comparison I'd much prefer the Dutch environment over many other a country. So perhaps as she wasn't raised in the Netherlands she may not know the difference between then and now in said country, but she does know the difference between this and other countries and may have come to a similar conclusion.

[@lisw1354]

@@mamischdinne5297 , yes thats probably true :) its just that i wished it wasnt changing at all :) i see more and more parents that have kids but infact i know that they would be happier without them. But on the other hand, i hope those are exceptions. Its true that we are letting kids 'free' but in order to do so we do give them instructions with it (how to cross a street etc. ) :D happy to hear the dutch are different in your eyes :)

[@P4ulbarn]

The Dutch culture is being strongly influenced by extern cultures. It already isnt what it was for decades.

[@valvz3152]

Sounds like my youth

[@ellen9865]

g e k o l o n i s e e r d

[@thijsachternaam14]

r/circeltrek

[@LMvdB02]

Zeg makker, oostzeehandel bedrijven?

[@Itza-Me]

Kokosnoten zijn geen specerijen.

[@lindagras7861]

Reddit en kpop in 1 comment... Ben je mn verloren tweeling?🤣

[@luuclucas]

ik had jullie al verwacht

[@krat5576]

This is interesting, but if you insist on reading your speech from a piece of paper, make sure that when you look down your dramatic hair doesn't obscure half of your face so you can't see the writing.

[@michaeldamian5750]

Seems there are some major social and cultural factors here that only exist in the Netherlands though. Such as bicycling everywhere and also a high-trust cohesive culture where people mostly share the same values and social expections.

[@regntonne]

2:52 Why does she have a Geiger counter on in the background?

[@lanamereltube]

probably for the same reason she has the Ark of Noah on the bookshelf

[@paulinamalina910]

In my experience Dutch parents either are overprotective and make too much rules or can’t control their kids. But maybe that’s just where I live..

[@averypoggamer3700]

It really is where you live

[@leya2215]

I'm proud to be Dutch!❤️

[@hansbeerepoot4355]

Leya Goudriaan a

[@damarmar1001]

Leya Waarom? Het is geen verdienste om Nederlander te zijn hoor. Ik hoor Amerikanen altijd precies datzelfde brallen terwijl ze in een kutland wonen. Trots kun je zijn op wat je bereikt hebt, niet omdat je gewoon ergens geboren bent. Je verwart blij met trots.

[@jarischol331]

Donald jr loetje eens👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻