Can men have platonic friendships with people they think are attractive?

[@strawberrysangria1474]

It's like having to pick every beautiful flower you see instead of enjoying them as they are in nature. I was genuinely happy when my ex's fiance said she was excited to marry my ex. My friends thought I was crazy. The truth is, they were better for each other than we ever were. Some flowers aren't meant for you, but you can still smile when you see them.

[@andreiadetavora8471]

You are emotionally mature

[@jasminecollins897]

This. People struggle so much with the idea of admiration, and even desire, without possession.

[@aazhie]

Such a wonderful analogy

[@timetraveler7]

This is like, anti incels content, and I genuinely love it. Good on ya friend.

[@md-io4tb]

I'd rather say more like hugging incels to bring them back to a socially acceptable level :)

[@aazhie]

🎉 same. It's wonderful!

[@carenxatu5962]

For me, personally, it gives the vibes of “ex-incel“ content. Or-… incel rehabilitation? Basically, something that helps people better understand the mind of incels, while also trying to help incels break out of their toxic mindsets and redirect them to a healthier mentality.

[@ClaraDarko]

I've always wished to be friends with men. My interests and hobbies align better with them than with most women I've known. Yet the only man I've ever managed to cultivate a real friendship with was gay. The rest, the straight guys, sooner or later were trying to get in my pants or had developed deeper feelings and could no longer be around me if I wasn't going to reciprocate. It has been sooo frustrating. After 43 years on this Earth, I've come to realize that most men are raised to see women as goals, not as people. Like they aspire to have a nice car or a good job, they spend their time around women trying to "catch" one, not really enjoying our company as fellow human beings. Plenty of times I've had a man telling me "why would I want a friendship with a woman? I got my buddies for that. If I'm going to talk to a woman, it has to be because I can take her to bed later".

[@jj4774ns-te5px]

I'm just over 30 and maybe. I had made a bit more advantage of Internet than many, I think, because... I had great experiences online with men and built some real friendships, internationally. Penfriend-ing and language learning sites are some of the best places where such types can be found. And it's been like so around decade. Sure there are many of the "other" type, but the friendship seekers are more common to appear on such sites than on tinder and alike, so law of probability is working with the expectations one has when signing up. (although a long distance relationship can be found on such a place too, and I think it's great too, some friendships or connections can develop naturally in that direction.)

[@DANGJOS]

@ClaraDarko Oh jeez! That last statement really sucks! Unfortunately, from conversations I've been in with fellow guys, and especially what I've seen on the internet, this (your entire comment) isn't far off from the sentiments many of them have. But as with people in general, it varies. Most guys are indeed like this probably, and I'm not entirely sure why sometimes. Perhaps it's a combination of evolutionary adaption and social conditioning. Regardless, it's something that needs to drastically change. I find it's easier to understand the issue by trying to imagine the situation being in women's shoes, and then it's much clearer. A lot of us just imagine things from our own desires. The other obvious thing is to actually *listen* to women when they express concerns. There will also be guys that are not like this, and desire genuine friendship with you as well. But even if it's 10% (to throw out a number), you have no way of knowing what you're getting when you meet a guy. I hope things are better for you in the future, and if you do find another guy friend, that he is genuine.

[@zelousfoxtrot3390]

I feel you. As a woman in tech and is older (52), it has been frustrating. I had one co-worker back in the 90s who I thought was a fairly close work-friend, but then he started making these comments. We were both married. I mean, WTF? I just ignored it, and it seemed to work- but why did he have to go there? Tech is about 10% women, and if your only friends in the office are the secretaries, it can be political 'suicide'. So here we women are, just trying to be friendly and have healthy professional relationships with our co-workers, and all the guys seems to think that means we are flirting or don't want to be too nice because their wives/girlfriends might not like it? Same thing as students, with group projects. No wonder women drop out of tech, even if they are passing their classes.

[@jj4774ns-te5px]

hmm.. What happened to my comment?

[@MorosSilverwing]

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry to hear that about the men in your life. It is interesting hearing the other side of this. I (30m) had to battle w/ this thought process too. There are women in my life who I care about and I had to make the decision whether or not to keep them in my life because the absence of romantic/sexual returns was painful. Do I cut this person from my life just because they won't give me sex? I'm glad I realised how childish this line of thought was. Not gonna lie i might try and shoot my shot in some instances but, if people in your life are worth keeping around, You keep them around. Appreciate and celebrate what you have. And honestly i was probably to come to that conclusion because of the female role models and mentors I had from a young age. My single parent Mum and teachers. But I was clearly privileged in that way, a lot of men don't get that sadly.

[@mysticthemanakete]

I know the joke is often the question 'If you're not so affectionate that people think you're at least a little gay for each other, are you even best friends?', but men really need to learn to be okay with being able to put themselves on the line emotionally for their friends. And if that's 'too gay', then maybe they need to reexamine why they think that's an insult that's worth avoiding at all costs - even their own mental health, or that of their friends. Then again, I'm just some queer on the internet who's NoT eVeN a ReAl MaN, so what do I know?

[@Annajetady]

Seems that you indeed know a lot.🎉

[@DANGJOS]

@mysticthemanakete Guys actually do put themselves on the line emotionally quite a bit for close friends. Probably not nearly as much as others do (and we probably should more honestly). I think they're not as willing to admit it and prefer to put on a macho front when talking about it, which makes it seem like it doesn't happen at all. Also, all guys aren't the same, so there are guys that are far more emotionally available or vulnerable than others.

[@MrCmon113]

Why? Is there any indication at all of men being worse at being friends with women? At least from what I've seen women beef way more amongst each other than men.

[@ak5659]

Gen Z seems to not have a problem with putting themselves in the line. But I think thats more a product of Gen Z men not caring who thinks they're gay.

[@aazhie]

​@@MrCmon113I have seen countless articles whining about men's loneliness and how men are killing themselves out of despairbecause they are so lonely. I'm glad you don't seem to be affected by this.But it certainly is a problem here in the usa. Even before the pandemic , there is a huge spike in men who were frustrated and lonely and did not have partners , but they also did not have enough friends to support them socially, so the "Loneliness Epidemic" was mainly focused on men who were lonely and not great at socializing

[@leonieblah8806]

Almost every so-called friendship I have had with a man usually turns out to be inauthentic. Not all of them but most of them. They are continually hoping for more. It is so irritating.

[@zacharybosley1935]

What makes these relationships inauthentic? I'm a little confused, but the idea that "wanting a romantic relationship," means "lying about a platonic relationship," isn't quite mapping for me.

[@leoniep9231]

@zacharybosley1935 I think what they mean by imauthentic platonic friendships is that the guys did not seek out the friendship for its own sake and value, but specifically with the ulterior motive that with the trust that a friendship brings there could eventually present a chance for them to get into the woman's pants. It's the dishonesty about the intention; it's the play-pretend of a character that's possibly not even real in order to appears agreeable to the woman; it's not valuing the woman as a person first, but predominantly as a prospective hook-up which is super objectifying. Finding friends is hard enough - having your trust betrayed in such a dehumanizing, se*ualized way by a person you consider close is especially hurtful. If a friendship naturally develops on both ends into something more romantic, that's great (and I suspect not what OP was talking about).

[@zacharybosley1935]

@@leoniep9231 I'm not sure exactly what the difference between the self you'd present to a friend versus a self you'd present to a partner is.

[@zacharybosley1935]

@@ungenannt8774 i legitimately cannot imagine sleeping with someone I wouldn't consider worthy of friendship. It keeps sounding like this situation is being described in reverse

[@zacharybosley1935]

@ungenannt8774 it sounds like a lot of guys are connecting to people, or attempting to, physically, before emotionally. It also sounds like pursuing the emotional connection alone should be the be-all-end-all of making friends, which is something that sounds wierd.

[@hpoz222]

it's wild to me that so many people genuinely believe that attraction cancels out any potential for genuine friendship. like, so many of the things that I find attractive in people are also qualities I value in a close friend? obviously physical attraction doesn't matter for platonic friendships but that's ONE aspect, not the totality of attraction by any means (although some people seem to think it is(

[@LadyAstolat]

THIS.

[@JCPRuckus]

It's wild to me that anyone would want JUST a platonic friendship when they could have that friendship PLUS sex with someone they're attracted to. Or on the other hand, that anyone would want to voluntarily be around someone they want to have sex with, but have no chance of having sex with... That's like putting a Reese's cup on your plate every meal knowing you can't eat it because you have a peanut allergy. Why deliberately tempt yourself with something (or someone) you definitely can't have? IDK about you, but I don't have a frustration kink.

[@Katie-bz4ls]

It depends on your definition of attraction. If you're longing for your friends sexually or romantically it's more complicated then thinking they're pretty without any other feelings

[@voidify3]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@JCPRuckus you sound lonely. Not an insult, I’ve been lonely too. But this is the kind of bad take that only comes from loneliness. Two years ago I was desperately lonely and ruined a friendship by flirting- now in my current relationship I’m satisfied with my sex life and love life, and I don’t need to go scrambling for MORE every goddamn second of my life, and it’s made my friendships MUCH less stressful that they can simply exist on the level of FRIENDSHIP. I didn’t feel this way before I got in my current relationship, but now I’m much less lonely than I was, and it’s become true!!! Here’s hoping you come out of that loneliness so that you can appreciate friendship; this is a piece of wisdom that you can only truly grok through experience. Unfortunately though this kind of transactional thinking is going to slow down the process

[@voidify3]

@@JCPRuckus but basically… watch the video

[@Nerobyrne]

Jane Austen - because she had the endurance to keep doing her writing until her last days, even though she never made a break through. Mary Shelly - For being herself. Seriously, look it up. We can all hope to have that level of confidence. My best friend - UwU

[@rrxyii]

this channel restores some of my faith in humanity

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

just in time to watch a 40 minute Click video to prove all is lost.

[@bryanlee5293]

​​@@KossolaxtheForesworn Bro, I feel so called out by that 💀

[@atlander4204]

My ex always expected me to be his therapist, and when I was thinking about leaving, he said I was the only thing keeping his depression at bay. It’s awful.

[@strangelyukrainian7314]

I think the primary thing a lot of men struggle with is the underlying lack of understanding as to the “why?”. Men are fundamentally taught to have a different thought process to women, and that if a man has a friendship with a woman and catches feelings, he doesn’t understand how they haven’t caught feelings too. It’s the feeling of “we’ve had the same experiences, the same moments with each other, and it led me to feel this way, but it didn’t do the same for you”. And the issue I think probably also comes from media portrayals of this kind of friendship turning to a romantic interest. If I had a dime for every movie or show that showed friends becoming partners just through those shared experiences I’d be a billionaire. And these media portrayals somewhat implicitly admit that it’s little more than a fantasy, because those friendships turned relationship, are always heteronormative in nature, never between two men, or between two women. That’s a tangent, but my overall point is that I don’t think men say that they don’t think the source of “I can’t be friends with someone” is because they want to use anyone, but because most men subconsciously acknowledge that they don’t even know what to do when those feelings aren’t reciprocated, they’re so deprived of that level of intimacy within a friendship that it doesn’t even occur to them that it doesn’t need to be romantic.

[@FireSilver25]

I used to be friends with cishet men but most would try to make it seggsual! Even married ones. I just ghosted one married guy who was texting late at night and dropping innuendos. It’s such a betrayal when you think you had a friend but he was just waiting until you’re vulnerable to pounce.

[@hpoz222]

yeah this kind of manipulation tactic (which is what it is) is so prevalent in cishet men and it really sucks, especially when they try to put the blame off onto the woman for "friendzoning" them when it's absolutely 100% on them for trying to long-con their way into sex. part of the underlying issue is that honesty is very frowned upon in straight-male culture, and they constantly receive messaging from their peers and various online sources that being honest with a woman is just giving her an opportunity to use your vulnerability against you (which is mostly projection on the part of those men, since the whole "friend zone" tactic is literally trying to use a woman's emotional vulnerability against them). it really does suck for men that they're brought up in a culture where all of that bs is so normalized but at the same time it absolutely does not excuse them for being creeps and liars

[@Terrorkittens]

Whenever I think about how some men think that you can only be 'friends' or 'kind' to someone you're attracted to, I wonder if this means that according to this logic I - as a man with a wonderful woman as my partner for about eighteen years now - am supposed to treat any other women as shit and show them no concern or respect at all? Like, I already have 'my' woman, I already 'won' this game according to them: I have an amazing woman in my life I love deeply and I'll be growing old with, so what 'use' would I have of other women (or men)? What a depressing way to live one's life wouldn't that be?! No, I'll stick to still being kind and respectful and supportive to everyone around me regardless of sex and gender, because that helps everyone have better lives, and that's 'useful' enough for me. That other mindset is so incredibly depressing. :(

[@Katie-bz4ls]

Exactly. I don't find anyone else besides my partner attractive (no sexual feelings or romantic crushes) and with that logic i would have to ignore half the population of people?

[@redtothecore]

It’s so freeing to know that I can exist around men that respect me for who I am rather that what I can do for them. It’s a small space right now but definitely a start. ❤

[@skadi6750]

In my country its traditional that female surname is a derivation of male, but with few additional letters to make her distinct as a woman. In last years, feminists fought to have the right to use male surnames, cuz the female ones often sound as a declaration of ownership of the guy. And probably originate in it too. The biggest issue with it have obviously men. Their argument? "How do I know I am talking to a woman, if she has a male surname?" "BUT WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT, WHY? Because you cannot see woman as a normal person? Because my genitals define your behavior towards me? Because you need to slap the right box of expectations on me? I dont need my gender or sex to be a factor in my normal human contact." Just see us as people. We are not just a line of potential girlfriend material. Learn to ignore the gender and I promise you, everyone will be happier. I already have a male surname. And I had zero issues with it. Because I genuinely dont care, if someone aint sure about my gender. The only person who needs that info is my husband.

[@atlander4204]

Is this a Slavic country by any chance? Romanov/Romanova, for example.

[@J2982able]

What ever happened to just having deep emotional relationships to people you admire and care about? I'd venture a larger portion of my dear friends are women, some whom I do find attractive, and have no interest in anything other than the friendship. I don't understand this mentality that men and women are only friends based on 'getting some' ... Hell, my longest best friend was a woman and we helped each other in our individual dating lifes. If a woman was playing head games with me? I'd go to her for input/advice from a woman's perspective and she would do the same with me. A mutual of ours asked us if we'd ever hooked up or dated and we were both ill at the thought. Like I don't wanna bone my found sister man, and she doesn't wanna bone her found brother.

[@MorganHyde-ie5ru]

Is anybody out there actually having deep, fulfilling relationships?

[@J2982able]

@@MorganHyde-ie5ru Seemingly not these days. Such a sad state of affairs IMHO.

[@MrShoblang]

​@@MorganHyde-ie5ruplenty are, but men are conditioned away from having that with women without a romantic component. Hell I'm 35 and i think I'm only recently entering a headspace where i could enter a friendship with a woman I find attractive without an alterior motive

[@jujubesification]

It's sad that men don't have good role models. Where they can actually see and learn what a real platonic friendship between a man and a woman could look like. It's like learning a specific dance without ever seeing people do that dance, so you don't know what it looks like. Of course you can learn by yourself. But it's harder. Especially when so much messaging teaches young men to see women as interchangeable and disposable.

[@MrCmon113]

Yeah that's total nonsense. Men can't passively sit around and get a partner, they have to actively look for one. That has been the case since before we were humans. It has nothing to do with culture. Also men are awesome at friendships and making all kinds of alliances. That's why men rule most socieites.

[@jujubesification]

@MrCmon113 I see your point. And this is based on dominantion. Indeed a very old style of life, and it's easier to go back to more primitive behavior. But it's really not going very well right now. We can't keep up this behaviour. And the system that exists now doesn't have an answer to it. We're going to have to evolve our way of interacting. We can't sustain all these wars, people actually trying to become trillionairs. States and companies becoming better at surveillance and control. While a lot of life on earth is diminishing. Vital ecosystems are becoming strained. And collapses happen slowly at first, here and there. And then suddenly, it happens all at once.

[@galaxytrashbag475]

​@@MrCmon113 Men rule society because they had to actively subjugate an entire gender from participation and created a society to cater to sociopathic, psychopathic and narcissistic traits, all things that, ironically, men tend to be a higher percentage of. Now that women have the right to do whatever they want with their lives and don't have to rely upon a man just to survive, your structure built around forced servitude is collapsing. Then, you complain about failing in a civilization that you also love to brag about having built and catered to serve men. Funny how that works. Do you see the irony? Clearly it would have worked out if it was just "nature" but humans don't thrive as a whole when one group needs to have their freedoms stripped from them. Women don't exist to submit like dogs and men have clearly shown they don't biologically have the ability to lead like they claim to (well, leading was never about biology. It's all been about control and domination while making excuses). Not to mention neurologists proved that women have a more developed prefrontal cortex. This red pill mentality that a lot of men have about "men built all of society" is one of the millions of reasons why men deserve to be lonely. Building things doesn't entitle you the access to another human being. This societal viewpoint only exists to serve narcissists. People who use that as a talking point just want to get access to women while being mediocre and think women should go back to being property. Sorry brother, we won't go back to the past because a lot of women will give up their lives fighting societal regression and being devalued down to baby making factories. We deserve to exist as human beings and have lives of our own that don't revolve around men.

[@jessicaharris1608]

This is one of the reasons why older generations of men had/have a miserable time being widowed. Yes, it's understandable that a man is going to be heartbroken when his wife d!es and he's gonna be sad for awhile. However, when women lose their husbands they have other friends and people in their lives to support them through their loss. Previous generations of men were taught to put all of their emotional "eggs" in one basket- their wives. This meant that if his wife passed first, he was in a vastly worse emotional place than women who become widows. As such, I'm proud of younger generations for encouraging deep male friendships.

[@ak5659]

Thank you for saying men WERE TAUGHT to put their eggs into one basket. Usually the verbiage is more like 'men choose to put their eggs....' in order to deny the reality of outside factors that are independent of the man in question. To me this is a HUGE difference. So thank you very much. I appreciate it.

[@jessicaharris1608]

@ak5659 I look at men like my dad, who is 72. He and mom have been married since 1980. He quoted his mother, "I'll give you something to blubber about!" My father's parents are both dead now. Grandpa in 2011 and Grandma in 2018. I'm not sure he even wept in private when his father died! (Grandpa was much more warm and affectionate than Grandma. The neighborhood kids spent time with him in the dairy barn rather than the house with Grandma.) That side of my family taught that tenderness had no place. I have told my mother that she can't die before dad cause my dad is a one human cat. My mother is the only person who my dad can be tender with, and that is only in private. (The "one human cat" refers to cats that prefer only one person regardless of how many other car people are in the home, and God forbid their preferred human die first!) I contrast this with my brother born in 1988. My mother taught him to be accepting of his feelings and to cultivate close brotherly friendships. (There were only 2 kids in my family, a daughter - me, and my younger brother, so my brother did not have any literal brothers.) My point is that I'm well aware that previous generations had strict rules for the genders, and this was to the detriment of everyone!

[@Ashinle]

This is legit therapy that everyone man needs to hear

[@rudetuesday]

I have bi and pan friends and they've always been respectful. Romantic relationships aren't better because of the romance and/or sex. In fact, too many straight people aren't friends (or even friendly) with their partners. Thanks to LGBTQ friends, I've removed "just friends" from my vocabulary, because friendships are important and fulfilling relationships on their own.

[@naymeequillo]

I love how you call out the sadness of it all. The sadness for men. Of what they are missing out on. You don't just point a finger and go "BAD!" but you offer an actual solution.

[@katherinemcintosh7247]

Yes. I have been friends with loads of guys who I also found attractive. Some of my best friends have been guys and I liked being “just friends” because I really liked spending time with them but I knew that a romantic relationship with these guys would end badly. How did I know it would end badly? Because they were very good friends with me. I was really good friends with them. I knew the basic things that we did not have in common which I need to have in common with a romantic partner. The best romantic relationships I have had? ALSO dear friends of mine…including my husband of 16 years who is also my best friend. Those other friends I actually dated? (There were 3.) It turned out we were not compatible either, but that only became clear AFTER we started dating.

[@vivvy_0]

What is the basic thing for you? You didn't mention it

[@katherinemcintosh7247]

@ well…if I don’t like most of their guy friends was always the biggest issue. There is a lot of misogyny which often goes unnoticed because when the girlfriends are around guys tend more to mind their p’s &q’s. Guys tend to be more fast and loose with the sexist BS when romantic interests are not around. It is unreasonable to me to date someone when you don’t like a majority of their friend group. I also have always wanted to be with a guy who is adventurous. So, when I had a good guy friend who had no desire to go anywhere new or do anything other than going to the bar every weekend, I knew that would not work. Great friend, though. Another thing is living situation. I had a guy who I worked with (we were construction divers in the Gulf of Mexico working for the same contracting company) ask me if I would be interested in moving in with him. This was reasonable because paying rent can seem a waste of money when we are offshore most of the time. Anyway, it was a shotgun duplex, (front door, front room, bedroom, offset bathroom, kitchen, back door,) and was really cheap. Before I agreed to move in, I told him that we would not ever have a romantic relationship because I don’t like moving and when it ended up not working out, he would have to move. He had hit on me before, so I wanted to make sure my boundary on that issue was clear. I also warned him that there would be rumors swirling about us, and that guys would probably say stuff about me which pissed him off. We lived together for 4 years, were great friends, had some great parties. He came home one day and told me he was moving in with his,girlfriend…I was happy for him, but sad that our living situation ended. I was a groom attendant at his wedding (he got married a week after I did. He and his now wife stopped by our wedding on the way up to where they were going to get married. My husband and I spent their wedding weekend as the last bit of our honeymoon. All of my guy friends have been good looking and had great personalities and treated me with respect. And, yes, I did develop a crush on every one of them at one time or another. But the differences with some key values I have made anything more than friendship unreasonable. They were all great relationships, though. Like I said, I have been married for over 16 years now. The man I married? My partner? He ticks every box. And, yes, we were friends before we started dating.❤️

[@anna9072]

I think the thing men - all people, really, but men in particular - need to learn at a young age is that you can admire without desire. That you can see something beautiful without needing to own it. This does not mean that you can’t have beautiful things, you just need to accept that some things just aren’t for you, and you can appreciate them and move on.

[@JessiD-111]

Thank you! I hear so often that people say men and women can't be friends at all or just when you think the other person is not attractive. I have so many male friends I think are attractive - and know that they think I am attractive too. But we are just open to each other, talk honestly with each other and are respectful to each other. But yeah, those men, who are able to have such friendships, will be insulted all the time by other men. :,D Crazy.

[@MrCmon113]

When I care about someone I don't want them to die alone, rotting away in some retirement home, because they fathered no children. Men can't give birth, so they can't afford to pass on opportunities to mate.

[@deanandruth7439]

I really hope your channel grows. I'm going to keep sharing your content. Keep it up!

[@adva9212]

I write your answers down and memorize them for future use

[@JezeBellaMorte333]

Thank you.

[@thomascromwell6840]

You make such great points 💯

[@rwdswght4057]

Thank you for making this video. For decades after hearing "men and women can't be friends," I was looking at men as if they were some perverse alien, wondering why they exist like that in such a disheartening way, questioning existence itself and why it made the opposite sex so seemingly lacking in humanity and functionality. Turns out they just need to see a therapist or two.

[@MrCmon113]

The only people I hear saying this are observant Muslims. Literally never heard that anywhere else.

[@rwdswght4057]

@@MrCmon113 Not Muslim, just decided to share how I felt growing up as a girl after hearing "men and women can't be friends," and living through a lack of male friendships.

[@aprila8060]

Great content! I really enjoy your videos :) it's a more positive and grounded approach to man's difficulties. No drama or belittling, just compassion and a new different perspective for those who seek it

[@zacharybosley1935]

There's some argument on what exactly is belittling, definitions may vary, but I can agree that he's spreading a positive message without being dramatic.

[@Angel_Kittichik]

My partner and my online best friend both respect me deeply from what you describe in comparison to how I know them. While said friend has admitted that he has feelings for me, expressing his admiration for me, he respects that I have a partner already and even then I may not want a relationship with him regardless. He deeply values our friendship as it is because of how well we work together as writer and artist, and as two people who (scarily) share a lot of the same thoughts and conclusions about things. I feel so fortunate to have them both in my life. 🌻

[@AkhtarM28]

I’ve heard the “men and women cannot be friend” thing too many times. But I do have friends from university, with whom I have spend really long time discussing things or just simply hanging out. We became almost like family. There’s never been a hint of anything more than a friendship. They’re all married now, and so am I. I still consider them my closest people and plan to spend time with them and their wives when we go home. It can happen, entirely possible.

[@crystalcole888]

I used to think that men and women couldn't be friends. That there would always be an uncomfortable sexual tension between most of them. Sometimes one-sided, sometimes mutual, but always something there that would make the relationship difficult, or a threat to their partners. And then I realized that I could have friendships with men I am attracted to with no problems. That I could acknowledge that I was attracted to them, and continue the friendship because I valued them as people. And it in no way harms my intimate relationship because I Love my partner, and I don't want it to. And men are capable of this also, obviously. Many times they just choose to be unfaithful, and use the friendship as an excuse. It's not just about self control, It's about choice. I will be attracted to many people in my lifetime. But I choose my partner, everyday. And he can choose me also, no matter who else he comes in contact with.

[@Huntanor]

I mean, the middle relashoship is real, too. Like humans are not light switches. I have had many good ling term relationship with women who I would date if they were into that but situation relationship status (mine or theirs) or lack of interest meant they wre not interested in dating me. I have never pressured anyone of these women to have sex with me if their status changed but have been open to reassess if the mutal desire naturally occurred. Because I fundementally dont want sex from people who are not 100% on board. Because for me sexual interest is never the goal of any relationship. It is a bonus that some kinds of rearionship have because of a mutal desire for that kind of intimacy. The kinds of waiting pattern stuff you describe in the video strikes me as reprehensable even if yiur honest with them and yourself about it. There is a reason noone would just tell a women they are just hanging around hoping they eventually give in to sex. Its because its innately gross conduct and the women would immediste stop spending time with them. If you have to lie, that always means the truth will fail. If the truth wouldn't fail, why lie.

[@Tabbyzealous]

I agree and relate with your perspective so much.

[@leoniep9231]

You described it well: 'If the truth wouldn't fail, why lie.'

[@andreiadetavora8471]

This!

[@TubeTAG]

The intent thing is key. I've had friends who I've found sexually and/or romantically attractive. The important part was that when I discovered those feelings, I put them in their proper context, and decided whether or not to act on them. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't. When I did, I accepted her response up or down. The one time it was up led to a fairly long term, happy but ultimately unsuccessful relationship. The other times I gave myself enough space to process that rejection, then re-approached them with new clarity. If I said "Let's stay friends," I internalized that it was *just* friends. That's okay, they're some awesome people. Upon occasion, I had to admit, "I'm sorry. I'm not sure I'm in a place emotionally to be able to keep our friendship where it was before I caught these feelings." Sometimes I decided not to act on those feelings, and eventually those feelings either faded or circumstances drove us apart anyway. In one case, those feelings faded and she's still one of my best friends. Hell, I literally officiated her marriage later in life and am an "unofficial" uncle to her kids now. A *lot* of guys would call me a Simp for that, but I have an amazing friendship with an awesome person and her whole family. Call me a simp all you like.

[@andreiadetavora8471]

You're not a simp, you're actually really mature (for me, a very "manly man", so to say). I trully hope you find a great lady

[@TubeTAG]

@ I appreciate the sentiment. I’m very much in a “enjoying my own life” state, and if someone comes along, great, but not actively seeking it out. I hope you also have a life you’re enjoying and people in it you enjoy!

[@jayfalcon-rw3qc]

I can be acquaintances with people I'm attracted to. I can't be close friends with them. I know my limits

[@EgoPlacebo]

I got one those straps to make it possible to do stuff i have to do around the house, and it definitely helped reduce the pain while using it, but that night was the first time I had pain while trying to sleep 😞 will have to experiment a bit to see if that's a pattern. Going to a physio soon, hopefully that can help because all my favourite forms of exercise upset my elbow 😢

[@gailboerwinkle9315]

Thank you for talking about issues…

[@bekahmccue]

The idea of unpacking and disassociating romantic affection from deep platonic affection is relevant to women too! I'm not interested in romance at all and it took a long time for me to separate one from the other because I was constantly told I was "leading people on" by wishing to be as close with my friends as I did without seeking a romantic partnership with them. Everyone benefits from understanding there is a difference and one does not inherently lead to the other!

[@MrCmon113]

Sounds like lefties are perpetually at war with their genitals, just like Muslims and Christians.

[@rummanamoledina4973]

Perfect

[@animelover12261]

Well said

[@annettethompson8101]

Nope. Because no matter how much you tell them that you want to just be friends, every now and then they’ll tell you their feelings and however polite you are in saying no, they still say they have to say something about it. Now, why stay in such a friendship, right? I lived in another country, it was hard to make friends for a long time, the same for him as well. We randomly met and started hanging out. It was a relief for both of us. We were friends for a year until we couldn’t be anymore. In the beginning, he told me about his feelings but I said no, just friends, but he’d bring it up more than needed. And then a few times during our year long friendship he’d bring it up. So many reason as to why we’re not friends, this is one of them. Sometimes they want an explanation as to why and it’s hard to say that you’re not physically attracted to them that you have to go in a round-about half hour conversational way to say why it’s a no. And still yet. We did need each other’s company. We helped each other out in different ways in regards to living in a different t country and it being difficult to make friends, but the way other things were going, on both of our ends, we had end the friendship.

[@karabomajola2891]

Agree with this sentiment 100% but also struggling with feeling “fake/dishonest” when it really did start as friendship then there’s flirtation on both ends and then it morphs but I’m caught in between either or… is it platonic or is it romantic, it feels like even when the bonds has reached a place were we both see each other that way, I’m betraying my character but not honouring it strictly being platonic and vice versa, can’t be friends with someone I was interested in because that goes against my intentions… how do I combat that. Thank you.

[@angelinacamacho8575]

me: i just want to be friends him: we could be more than that..... me: no him: *still hits on me even though ive turned down their advances and ignored their questions* me: * ghosts* him:...B**ch stop wasting my time...if I knew you werent in to me like that i wouldnt have bothered....

[@jasminecollins897]

It's fully possible to have deep and respectful friendships with people that you're attracted to, too. It's terribly sad that it's considered impossible, largely due to bad behavior from men and toxic monogamous culture. (Monogamy is fine, but there's a whole culture of jealousy, hierarchy, possession and assumptions about love and value that isn't healthy.) Lots of people live their lives outside that toxic monogamous culture and have loving friendships with people they're attracted to, people they've been romantic or sexual with in the past, people they might even be romantic or sexual with in the future - but crucially lacking the expectation and pressure of straight men who are "friends" with women only to gain closer access to us and attempt to coerce a romantic or sexual relationship out of us. There's a world where people can love their friends in many if the same ways they love their partners and vice versa, and it's a really supportive and inclusive way to live. There's a world where people can marry their best friends and never *have* a romantic or sexual relationship with them, because that's just what works best for them. There are people who assume their exes and other current romantic partners WILL be at their weddings, because those are people that both partners love and value in their lives. It's a really nice world, and we all deserve access to that kind of freedom and autonomy, no matter how we ultimately choose to structure our own romantic relationships and friendships. Attraction does not mean you are fundamentally compelled to possess, and it does not fundamentally poison or alter friendship. That's a set of assumptions we're all brought up with in modern western culture, and it's literally meant to keep us from having the kind of community structure and support that threatens the capitalist insistence on an isolated nuclear family.

[@Kotifilosofi]

As an AFAB aromantic asexual, I have multiple experiences of this during my lifetime. I'll only add, women do have shallow platonic friendships as well. However, at least when it comes to friendships with a straight women, it's often not so much pretending to be a friend until you hit (obviously), but rather one-way friendship where you're always supposed to be there for them when they need you, while they'll never prioritize you in their lives when you need them. They'll just let you down time and time again. While men tend to go to great lengths to make it look like you really are the best friends, even for years, even when you've been very vocal about not looking for romantic-sexual partner from the beginning, even if they know your future plans and those plans clearly don't include them. Which feels more manipulative and abhorrent imo, and thus hurts more, than learning a female friend was again not worth your trust. One has cumulative evidence of not being a good friendship, the other comes out of the blue when you thought you were on the same page and things are fine.

[@subarashiiai16]

keep doing the good work

[@marpro212]

I can be great friends with women if both of us act like it, and there is no monkey business going on. But recently I almost fell out completely with one of my best female friends. I still haven’t decided what to do. Decision is pending for 2 months now. She actively flirted with me for 9 months, asked me out, would get physical. We even went on holiday together for a whole week. I saw her as a friend for most of that time, and quite enjoyed her company, but I did not reciprocate the flirting until I was sure I was interested in her romantically. Eventually I did reciprocate, and I even asked her out on a proper date. At that point she said “I never saw you that way”. Which begs the question why the fuck was she consistently flirting with me for 6+ months? (which fyi she already admitted doing - so it is not just “my imagination” as some women like to say in instances like this). My experience with about 50% of women is that they do this sort of crap (although it tends to be intermittent rather than consistent for 6 whole months). Some have even admitted that they find it “funny”. I certainly didn’t expect it coming from her. We will probably catch up in a week. If she can’t give me a straight answer to the above question, then I’m out. I’m curious what reasons other women here might come up with for this behaviour. I can take a ‘no’, and I can stay friends, but I have extremely thin patience for bullshit. Most normal people don’t flirt with someone consistently, ask them out, get physical etc. if they are only interested in ‘friendship’, and I’m not sure I want to be friends with people who do act that way.

[@jasonluckett2263]

Should be easy to be friends with people, whether attractive or not.

[@randomguyontheinternet7940]

I genuinely hate when people say that men just cannot be friends with women or even anyone they find attractive. You just have to mature and accept what you should expect from people while being honest in your intentions. You have to find the difference between a friend and a lover, liking someone, loving someone, and wanting to be their significant other. Tldr; You aren't a cuck for not fucking your girl best friend. You're only degrading yourself when you refuse to be honest with your intentions. Get a few women friends, it won't destroy your manhood, you'll just grow as a person.

[@nadiarey4196]

No fricking way. I had this same hypothesis about a year ago: I as a woman can go to friends and family for hugs and talk of my problems. But (many) hetero men feel they are inhabilitated to ask for hugs or support or an ear unless it's from their mother or lover. Which explains what I perceive as a "hunger" from them that has quickly devolved into an unreasonable, unfairly unilateral demand of women to *be* that support. This "need" of being in a relationship and their anger towards women when they are rejected, and the rise of discourse against women who won't date them (incelism) that has come about these last 10 years, is from the fact they are feeling violently issolated and devoid of emotional support... by following their own toxic rules. I just wanted to mention it. I am not a man so I can't be sure 100% 'how men think'. So hearing you say it... I feel validated. The only other thing I want to ask is this: I feel for them, I do, but also can't help but think we need to make them aware their (incel) aggression is even more unacceptable because of this fact. Men demand unreasonably because they believe there's nothing else there. Which means it puts a lot of weight on us for something that isn't true. And let's be honest, we're dealing with a confusing time in our lives where we become convinced of things that aren't true (economical mess is a good example) and they are not the only victims of this era of... psychological confusion. They (incels) are just the most vocal at complaining things don't fit these made up rules. It's not us. It's them. They are trapped in their own logic. They are making themselves miserable. Of course it was never feminism or women, it's the... well, system of beliefs we call patriarchy.

[@lynnlytton8244]

I think the kind of man who thinks kindness and compassion are for sexual predation must get gobsmacked if they have children. How can they be kind to something they aren't supposed to have sex with? What a weird dilemma.

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

teaching men to learn value and desire platonic friendships? like trying to teach a fish to breathe air.

[@thecreativebusiness1316]

I’m a woman who doesn’t care for looks. My main friends are men, yet, I have to underline it, these friendships work because neither of us are attracted to each other. I speak for myself only here, but while I’m perfectly capable to have a friendship with a man who is physically attractive, I’m not sure I could have a platonic friendship with a man I deeply admire. Once again, I don’t care for looks that much, I can like a man whom I find attractive and superficially enjoy his company (and looks), but I’d probably be in trouble to be around a man I deeply admire, since deep admiration leads me to have a romantic interest towards said man. If you ask me to name 3 men I deeply admire, I’ll tell you the names of three men I’d like to date but can’t, for whatever reason (already taken, too much older/younger etc). Does that make sense? Anyone else feels the same?

[@magnarcreed3801]

Nope. Can’t relate. Second they not available I just platonically admire them. Can also admire people I’m not interested in.

[@Tabbyzealous]

@@thecreativebusiness1316 I agree with @magnarcreed3801. I think you should be able to deeply admire your friends but still maintain boundaries. And I think you can feel open to dating someone but keep the relationship platonic at the same. It makes complete sense to feel you'd want to date someone you deeply admire. Being open to dating someone doesn't mean you can't be friends with them though. Just don't fantasize.

[@Tabbyzealous]

I think it's completely normal to find yourself having romantic feelings for someone because you deeply admire them. Though you can still maintain and enjoy their company too and keep yourself fantasizing. It helps.

[@andreiadetavora8471]

We must be sisters, i can relate to every word!

[@thecreativebusiness1316]

@@andreiadetavora8471 glad to hear I’m not alone!

[@Thicken_Brob]

I don't understand. there is platonic LOVE, but platonic FRIENDSHIP seems to be a little redundant. Friendship already trascends physical attraction and romance, therefore (more or less) it's inherently platonic. However, a platonic love is when you accept you can't express your physical attraction to the other, either because the person is already engaged, or because it's no longer "accessible physically" (they're distant, too old/young, sick or even turned into something not-humanlike lol), and thus, as a consequence, you express your love in different ways. Anyway, yes, friendship between a woman and a man is possible, and it's a good thing.

[@DANGJOS]

@Expatriarch While I largely agree with this video, there's a sentiment in this video that bothers me. Why do you appear to (and correct me if I'm reading it incorrectly) equate romantic interest with romantic or sexual pursuit? As if it's the case that a person that happens to have romantic feelings or interest for their friend must also have nefarious intentions for pursuing them with little interest of being friends? It is possible to genuinely be friends with someone, develop feelings for them later, and hope to be with them but still want genuine friendship even if they don't reciprocate. Or maybe that's just me hoping it's possible. I think the situation you describe is probably true (unfortunately) in most cases, which is why it does need to be addressed, but I'm not sure it's always true. Honestly, I don't know about other guys, but for me, one of the major reasons that it's difficult to *just* befriend some women is because a lot of the same things/traits I am romantically attracted to are a lot of the same traits I like in a friend. It's easier with guys because I'm almost exclusively attracted to women, so I can befriend them without romantic interest. But for a woman, if she has the traits that make her a good friend, then romantic interest may naturally follow (sometimes whether you want it to or not). But this doesn't mean I'm trapping her in a friendship I have no intention of having. And I should also mentioned that I don't think romantic interest is synonymous with sexual interest, even if they often come together. And even if romantic interest came before the friendship, it's possible to express interest, have her say she's not interested and continue the friendship anyway. Often (if not most of the time) it doesn't work out that way, but it certainly happens. Again, if I have misread you (which is very possible listening at high playback speed), then please correct me.

[@phoebeknyx]

I think of the moving Finding Nemo with Bruce the shark who is trying to abstain from eating fish. He is fine until he gets a whiff of blood and then becomes ravenous, deceptive. As silly as that may seem, this has been my experience with male friends and men in general. With all the best intentions and self control, it seems still the exception and not the rule that men are conditioned collectively and therefore better able to resist taking advantage of a woman in a moment of weakness, as it goes perhaps against not only biological instinct but also what has been societal norms.

[@DANGJOS]

@@phoebeknyx *"...men are conditioned collectively and therefore better able to resist taking advantage of a woman in a moment of weakness,..."* I'm not taking a jab, I think I'm just misunderstanding. Are you saying men are better able or less able to resist? The last sentence is a bit confusing. And I'm sorry that is your experience. I'm not disagreeing with that at all. Unfortunately, that happens all too often. What I was addressing was the apparent equivalence drawn between romantic and sexual interest. Also, I was addressing the situations in which someone has romantic feelings for their friend not necessarily being equivalent to a fake or trapped friendship with ulterior motives.

[@ex.patriarch]

@@DANGJOS this is a really great response that I think deserves unpacking in a video. There's a lot to explore here, but ultimately yes I do think it's possible for such relationships to have complexity and nuance. There's also seasons, you might find yourself more or less romantically attracted at different times. And you're right that theres often a lot of overlap, the qualities of a good friend make a good potential romantic partner. The tl;Dr would be to come back to just are the intentions honest and are you valuing the friendship or the access? But this is a really great response with a lot for me to unpack. It'll take a little while to respond but I'll tag once I do. Thanks for the thought provoking contribution.

[@DANGJOS]

@@ex.patriarch Thank you! And yes, I agree that the important consideration is ultimately whether or not the intentions behind the friendship are genuine. As I've seen some women in the comments express, it can feel like betrayal if it was not genuine from the start and they were just looking for something sexual and/or romantic the entire time. So I chose to focus on the likely less common case where the guy is genuinely friends but also has genuine feelings, which is something I know about. Thank you for the response!

[@Egg_Apron]

Unfortunately m3n have to do the work to separate physical touch and emotional intimacy from paradigms of ownership and dominance. It's safer for women to not ne their guinea pigs on that quest, because often we're harmed when we extend grace to them.

[@MrCmon113]

Men are less susceptible to mental health issues, they are less neurotic, they tolerate more pain and are better at employing coping strategies. Men invented Buddhism, stoicism, hedonism, etc. Men rule most societies. I don't think it's men that need to change anything in their approach to friendships or mental health.

[@Egg_Apron]

@@MrCmon113 How have men's philosophies benefitted themselves, the Earth, and the women and children placed under their rule? Look around you and ask that question. How much reading of holy books have you done? Get back to me if you want to have a sincere discussion about it.

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

it is not womens job to teach this shit to men anyway. they need to do it on their own or suck rocks.

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

@@MrCmon113 and thats how long it took for you to start ranting about the supposed superiority of men. one inconvenient truth you didnt like. basic cishet.

[@vivvy_0]

​@@MrCmon113 men also have higher su*icide rates but sure, go on.

[@heatherestes5350]

So where do boys learn to see girls as a goal to obtain as opposed to a person worth understanding and connection with? Where or who, I guess. “Society” seems too vague and unhelpful.

[@ankra12]

Is sex all men are thinking about?

[@BatAmerica]

The message of this video is for men who struggle with non-romantic boundaries. There are healthy, well-adjusted men who understand the difference between romantic and platonic relationships, but this advice is for people who can't separate sex from love.

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

yes

[@ankra12]

@@KossolaxtheForesworn Feel sorry for you. Life is about so much more.

[@juantorres-fk7bk]

I don’t understand at all

[@Relyt345]

This is something that comes down to an individual level. Personally have had lots of friendships and acquaintances with women that ended up wanting something more.

[@bespectacledheroine7292]

I don't think you can, but if that's all women? If you're attracted to all women? Your standards are on the floor.

[@Tabbyzealous]

Raise the standards. You deserve a good person you are attracted to emotionally as well. 👍

[@zacharybosley1935]

So like. This one has layers. I was raised very explicitly on the idea of 'emotional cheating' being worse than any kind of physical betrayal. The idea that a guy is supposed to bare their soul to a robust network of peers just isn't something that feels safe or secure, especially when every parent I've ever known has argued that people are only supposed to have one partner upon which they can place their most significant concerns, trusting that partner to support and be supported by them. I guess the conversation surrounding the difference between platonic intimacy and romantic intimacy is where I place my question mark personally. Is it more healthy for a given individual to build emotional connections if your intention is just to barter for emotional labor? And if so, what exactly is the path of navigation after you build a platonic relationship and still don't erase the yearning? Saying "make more platonic friends," may solve the problem of emotional intimacy, but it doesn't solve the problem of an entire social standard deciding me lessor for being incapable of establishing a long-term monogamous partnership, and saying 'sit on that shit yourself and move on' doesn't really solve the vacuum of self-worth that could motivate any number of negative reactions.

[@Tabbyzealous]

Hey I'm not the guy that posted this really good short but this is a good question and I can express my perspective on it if you want to read. Keep in mind my perspective may be very different since I'm poly, demisexual, and bisexual (dated both men and women) and my experience may be a lot different from yours, but I've had something similar happen to me where I made a friend and in the very early stages was interested in them romantically but tried to brush it off in favor of the friendship but still felt the yearning afterward as the friendship progressed. I had the option to keep the friendship or take my chances and potentially ruin the friendship, with the third most favorable option in the case I was rejected being that I could still remain friends with them, which I was completely prepared for since I'm very much in control of my romantic feelings, in that a lot of the time when I feel attracted to someone I enjoy and think of the thought of having "more" with them than just friendship, but when rejected I'm able to move on and stop fantasizing. It's easier said than done and I know it's probably a lot harder for monogamous people who have their eyes trained on one person at a time. It's heartbreaking though that usually the stakes are so high when expressing romantic feelings in a platonic relationship because people are usually aware and/or have experience of continuing a friendship after a confession and it becomes sour and awkward since the confessor can't let go of their feelings. However most romantic relationships start with friendship so sometimes this schema prevents people from shooting their shot. Overall clear communication is important though if one party is uncomfortable with it, you can't continue to force a friendship. Other than this, I build emotional connections with my friends to support them and the intention is never to barter for emotional labor but rather because I want to support them and be there for them in their hard times because they're important to me, and often times they reciprocate. I think the point of building emotional connections in platonic relationships is that you have more people to rely on and don't put all the pressure on one person which could make you very codependent which worse case scenario can lead to you putting up with bad treatment or being manipulated because you only have one source of support. Having others with different perspectives to look out for you can help avoid that. This as well as being able to have a wide range of perspectives and therefore advice available. I very much disagree with the notion that is pushed that you bare your soul to only one person, but I come from a culture that's a little different, the notion being don't bare your soul at all. (I'm Asian.) I'm very grateful to have been able to find people that agree that this is an unhealthy way of thinking, and it's taken a long time to find these people but they're definitely out there.

[@zacharybosley1935]

@ThaoBui-bd6un I'm sorry this took awhile to reply to. You had a lot to say here, and I wanted to give it the credit it deserved by sitting on it for a little before forming a response. I appreciate your insight into this situation.

[@Tabbyzealous]

@@zacharybosley1935 no prob 👍

[@magnarcreed3801]

Sounds like you come from a line of unhealthy and possibly abusive people. Having connections that are strong outside of your romantic one is very important for not over working your partner and making sure you have other connections.

[@zacharybosley1935]

@magnarcreed3801 the idea isn't to have one strong bond, but for one bond to be stronger than all others. To have someone you will show everything to, because you will always need to hold back amongst friends and colleagues.

[@joem.8555]

"Men and women can't be friends" literally only applies if you have an extremely cishetero-normative worldview. Once you've spent literally any time as a marginalized gender identity (I am AMAB nb) then you see how ridiculously laughably flimsy its premise is. It's a viewpoint that literally can't be sustained unless you think men and women are fixed categories.

[@magnarcreed3801]

As an agender bisexual woman (I just don’t care) it does make me laugh. Guess we don’t get friends.

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

since we live in a cishet normative society where the cishet way of life and doing this is encouraged, the majority of population does indeed exist in this vacuum where men and women are fixed categories, and their views more often than not go completely unchallenged. it is why they usually get so incredibly unreasonably mad when someone even mentions the existence of minorities that diverge from it.

[@Zectifin]

I think the one problem we'll always have, even if men build better platonic friendships with women, is that sometimes as you get to know someone platonically with good intent, you grow fond of that person and maybe you can't help becoming romantically interested. it doesn't even have to be someone you find very attractive, they could be not your type and you find them more attractive as you get to know them. After all people tend to find people they are close to more attractive than strangers. I think the real test of the friendship is how the man approaches this new found romantic interest and how he handles rejection. Does he just try to go for sex when you're both drunk or does he admit his new found romantic interest (that he didn't go in with ulterior motives) and does he take it well when rejected or does he reject the friendship or just hope she eventually changes her mind and act immature the entire time she doesn't?

[@jdmmg4904]

❤

[@AHarp]

I agree with this video on principle, but this is often doubly difficult to do. A lot of women in my experience (especially in my generation and older) often react with disgust when a man, friend or not, is vulnerable, open, and emotional with them. Almost like we are seen as weak. Even as a masculine gay dude I have experienced this on some level, but certainly before I came out. Men can be toxic, but so can women. Just speaking from my own experience.

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

though its understandable. women are expected to do a LOT of emotional labor and they are often really tired of it. men just refuse to get therapy that they need and just push their problems on women around them.

[@rrdutch4111]

Theoretically yes, bad the fact is most men who have platonic relationships, are soon reminded how one sided they are; you may very well show up for your friends, but how many men have a friend who shows up for them, especially when it comes to women?

[@cassandrabelyeu2419]

So……your friendships suck and you’re trying to add romance to fix them? That’s like adding syrup to your steak because it’s burned.

[@cassandrabelyeu2419]

@@MrCmon113 Being a good/bad friend is not a gendered characteristic. Men who are sabotaging their friendships with unasked laziness and/or romance are just used to being bad friends.

[@NoxAeterna-wf4iv]

Yes, men can. I have them. Every human being has or had platonic relationships in their life. Ex - Parents, siblings, cousins, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Old family like friends, pets or even trees in your garden.

[@CiCodiCadno]

All those examples have an explicit natural barrier to sexual intimacy. Men (ideally) aren't having ulterior motives towards any of these examples.

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

youre listening family members. not friends. usually people dont seek to have sex with their family members.

[@Noonien96-nx6yj]

Everyone thinks the incidence of women batting their eyes at men they like is just a cartoon trope and not based in reality, but if you're a man and you catch yourself interacting with a woman who bats her eyes in irritation for no clear reason it's often because she's irritated with herself for having conflicted feelings about you personally. It's always a good idea to think carefully to find out if she's only irritated that you said something obnoxious, but most of the time it's unresolved attraction.

[@robpalwrites]

Where's your evidence that men are "fundamentally taught not to see a value or purpose..."? Myself, my two brothers, other male members of my family and friends all have always known how to treat everyone with equal respect regardless of their sex. Even though I agree with one of your advice towards the end of this video, I feel that the premise is substantially lacking in proof.

[@amberinthemist7912]

Talk to more women.

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

"this challenges my world view so I need you to providence evidence instead of considering my self being wrong" basic bitch cishet attitudes.

[@kirkwhite1736]

I do understand platonic friendship, but I needed a romantic relationship, not more friendships. How long do men have to wait til they get a romantic relationship with someone, a year, 10 years, 50 years? It's fine to have friends, but some people need a partner too. Me, after 35 years of trying to find a woman to love, I failed and given up on it.

[@redtothecore]

I’m gonna approach this in good faith. It kinda seems that you are seeing your search for a relationship as transactional. Ie I’m a nice guy so why aren’t I getting what I should be entitled to. If you are struggling after 35 years, why? What is it you are doing or presenting that is putting women off? My husband to be and I have been friends for 10 years before it turned romantic. You can never have too many friends. :)

[@giannipiccioni8411]

A romantic relationship is not a right. You have to be a person worth of a romantic relationship, and to find a person who finds you worthy, and that person should be worthy for a relationship with you, and you have to find that person worthy for you. It's complex. Which of these 4 points were not covered in your journey?

[@zacharybosley1935]

​@@giannipiccioni8411 not gonna lie, boss. "Love is a privilege that you'll earn once you meet these standards," is not a strong sales pitch for becoming a better person.

[@leoniep9231]

@zachary I mean, if nothing else has helped up until this point... You have to make someone's life better, otherwise why would they be in a relationship with you? That goes BOTH ways. Nobody should have to settle. In his comment, OP said he 'needs' a relationship, which sounds a bit entitled and egocentric, even if not intentionally. What does he 'need' the relationship for, what is the other person supposed to provide for him that platonic relationships cannot provide in his opinion? Has he thought about what the other person might need from him? Had he said that he 'wanted' or 'wished for' one, it would not have sounded so entitled. Maybe I am doing too much interpretation here, I don't know, some people might also just have bad luck or difficulty in connecting with others.

[@zacharybosley1935]

@leoniep9231 not for nothing, but sincerely endeavoring to make other people's life better hasn't helped the whole "meaningful connection with others" situation. At the end of the day, it's an action put out into the universe to be consumed, regardless of what happens as a result, and the results thus far have been exhausting.

[@SaintVodou]

No. BTW, I love your videos. Men need to check themselves. There is no universal standard which they fit better than women; they created the standard to suit themselves. Time to un-create it.