The TRUTH about ROMANCE: Romance is for MEN, or: why romance is a poor man's game

This episode discusses one of my most mind-blowing realizations about romance. Most folks -- men and women -- believe that the modern expressions of romance -- flowers and poetry and bent-knee proposals -- are for women. However, this is not actually the case. The truth of the matter is that romance is for men, specifically lower-status men who historically have found it difficult to compete with higher-status men for the most desirable women. As I will discuss, evidence for this perspective is all around us. We need only look clearly.
"Two princes": • Spin Doctors - Two Pri...
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Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#romance #relationship #dating

[@je9625]

"Men are romantics masquerading as pragmatists, women are pragmatists masquerading as romantics." This is an old quote and I've known this a long time.

[@mavrk.d]

Wow! I’m saving that.

[@Gangari_the_Wanderer]

I've heard this before. Don't know if anyone is familiar with MBTI, but that system corresponds perfectly with this truth. Men tend to be dominantly thinkers (favoring reason and objectivity when navigating the world), leaving their feeling function (favoring emotions and subjectivity) as a more private, intimate, and secret matter; women tend to be dominantly feelers, leaving their thinking function the more private, secret part of them. Put very simplistically, the tougher the exterior, the more tender the interior.....and vice versa. Men are indeed the stronger sex, but it is BECAUSE of this that they have (unexpectedly) the most tender of hearts. Women are the weaker sex, and it is BECAUSE of this that they have unexpectedly stone-cold hearts. Put into Christian terms (yeah--I can do this all day; I just love Truth that is visible everywhere), God created the relationship between man and woman to be reflective of His relationship to His mystical Bride, the Church. That means men represent God, and women represent mankind (the Church). My fellow Christians know the answer to this, but who is the one with the "heart of stone" and who is the one with the the most tender Sacred Heart, capable of replacing that heart of stone with a heart of flesh? Lawyered.

[@jeshitorenburei224]

@@Gangari_the_Wanderer Perfect summary.

[@jjm2948]

Men are idealistic and women are opportunistic

[@soviethammer645]

That's a good one.

[@keithkollenbaum]

It’s very simple. A man wants the woman. The woman wants the lifestyle.

[@pcnair9868]

I don’t think this is true whatsoever

[@boethius1812]

True

[@ThomasOrtizMusic]

@@pcnair9868 while I'm not necessarily championing the comment as it is very general, to say it's not true whatsoever is pretty ignorant imo. You can hear some women actually echo the original comment almost verbatim. Some women are saying that they would rather have instagram than a boyfriend to boot!

[@lsjt8924]

@@ThomasOrtizMusic and some men s openly admit they don’t give a shit about women they just want sex…

[@steph6109]

@@ThomasOrtizMusic yes because men are hard work. The average man makes a woman's life actively harder. They're saying they want something they see and receive some sort of value from. At the same time there are millions of women marrying or having out of wedlock children to men who beat them, generally abuse them etc. Women see personality and companionship as value. It doesn't have to be money or things. It just shows how bad men today are...

[@simonsays5193]

Just when you thought that the redpill rabbit hole couldn't go any deeper, then one day BAM! You learn that romance is actually a poor man's game invented by men FOR men but has only recently in modern times been sold as something for women!!? Holy hell. I absolutely love this channel keep pumping out gems man.

[@imheretochewbubblegum]

Women love it when men compet for them.

[@busybecomingmyself]

@@imheretochewbubblegum yes but they definitely don't love every man who competes for them

[@imheretochewbubblegum]

@@busybecomingmyself So true.

[@castiel4746]

a Hard to swallow black pill

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Yeah that's true red pill. Not the pua scammers

[@jcnlaw]

Experienced divorce attorney here. Whoever invented romance and marriage, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

[@damilola_adegunwa]

I guess without marraige, there no divorce! some of us wish there is no need for people like you.

[@AG26498]

Bottom feeder spotted

[@JP67]

Don't worry pal.You'll meet Him face to face soon enough

[@supergobgoblin424]

XD getting rich from people tragedies...as expected from a lawyer...

[@jcnlaw]

@@AG26498 I was joking.

[@MeneerHerculePoirot]

"Women are pragmatic. Women aren't romantic. They just want us to be." - My Dad

[@star_blazer]

Your dad is a wise man, Mr. Jones.

[@niceprincesslucky]

True!

[@ericlarousse1149]

False. Romance is a recent invention. Female body shape is not.

[@Ana-rb7ws]

I think this is because women generally feel more unsafe in the world, so they’re always looking out for safety and shelter. So they’re more pragmatic, trying to keep themselves and their children safe. Whereas, men, who generally have more ‘power’ (don’t bite my head off now for using generalizations for brevity’s sake) have no need or less need to feel safe in the world, so they have more time and ability for recreational activities like (lo and behold) romance.

[@npcc4003]

Your dad is right.

[@valecrassus7835]

This was something I could never wrap my head around as a young man, especially in my teens/early twenties. I kept thinking any day now, I'd be around women who are tired of getting treated poorly the rich players and would finally realize that a genuinely earnest good guy with a big heart, despite having less money or power, would make their lives so much better. That day never came.

[@lolife1981]

You should have sold crack.

[@appleturnover519]

It depends on whether you were to much of a "good guy". Or on the type of women you were hanging out with.

[@valecrassus7835]

That is true. To be honest, I was a good-hearted individual with very little to offer a potential mate beyond a pleasant demeanor and a modicum of intelligence. I thought those things were what *really* counted, and they absolutely did not...at least not as far as attracting a female in the dating world. As far as the type of women I was around? I was batting out of my league in every sense of the word. Mainly, though, they were more of the "uptown" type and I was not quite at that level. To continue the metaphor, I could get in the door, but I'd be eternally waiting at the bar. The only solutions for me at that time would have been either to improve my status, which would take a decade at least, or start hanging around girls from my end of town, which I had no social connection to whatsoever.

[@jessesleight9631]

I just shed tears reading your comment.

[@valecrassus7835]

@@jessesleight9631 It's still good to be those things - pleasant, relatively intelligent, kind, etc. Those qualities don't necessarily *hurt* when it comes to attracting women. They just don't usually help as much as they would in a perfect world.

[@chevy2583]

That's why many good coaches tell men to build themselves and be strong, women will just naturally come into your life.

[@chevy2583]

@@marsultortheavenger409 That is the reality my friend! Every man will discover it sooner or later in his life.

[@steph6109]

@@marsultortheavenger409 women see most men as children and will seek you out if they deem you a man. From the man's point of view she's bring parasitic from the woman's she's avoiding emotional/mental pedophillia.

[@rissrose3470]

@@marsultortheavenger409 just date men then, problem solved :)

[@rissrose3470]

@@marsultortheavenger409 you guys don’t have to pretend to like women it’s 2023 you can be honest with yourselves and date men

[@EE12CSVT]

Yes , it's for your utility, not for your character or love

[@tinman8972]

All the trappings of romance- the jewelry, the flowers, don't so much touch the hearts of women as they re-assure them they have control of the silly man who is idealizing them.

[@Michael_RareZebra]

👏👏👏....and the moment the dude scales back you'll get the "remember when you used to do this and get me this, etc..."

[@AfriqueNY]

That's different in my opinion than romance. That's validation of status.

[@yeboscrebo4451]

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You hit the nail on the head. Power and manipulation is what they’re all about.

[@eddyecho]

bro here own a whole cvs pharmacy with his red pill spittin game

[@lorraine70]

Idolising 😂

[@danielhamilton5094]

Women love Opportunistically, Men love Idealistically. Romantic relationships are negotiated. Unconditional love only exists between parents and children, etc

[@joanndevine4780]

I'm a woman and I love idealistically, not opportunistically. When I see stuff about hyoergamy. I accept it must exist but I don't have that trait

[@Alex.Kalashnik]

@@joanndevine4780 Hmm. That makes me wonder why so many have the opposite experience with women. Or is it that the men who tend to use women also end up matching with women who tend to use men?

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Facts

[@keylanoslokj1806]

@@joanndevine4780 unicorn. Or it's just that you guys don't have accountability and self awareness wired in you?🤣

[@keylanoslokj1806]

@@Alex.Kalashnik most women love opportunistically. Babies don't raise themselves. Being ruthless survival machines was meant to be wired in them

[@thecaptain4420]

Wow, it's great to see the red pill from a professional psychological perspective. In laymen terms, romance was the original "game" created by medieval pick up artists.

[@Promet17]

"medieval pick up artists" hahahaha good one, funny yet on point

[@raphaelmohr1965]

I am a psychologist. This has nothing to do with psychology, he is seriously oversimplifying and equivocating. And repackaging known information as if he had come up with it while pulling a lot of the rest out of his rear. He makes other psychologists look bad.

[@blastermaster7261]

​​@@raphaelmohr1965 you are a professional then. Can you refute what he is saying with evidence? Please avoid word salad, much appreciated.

[@bakters]

" *the original "game" created by medieval pick up artists* " You mean the dudes who could show up at any place and have the first pick through all the ladies around? Why would they need a "game" at all? If romance was a game of sorts, it could only serve as a tool of getting a higher status marriage possibility. That would be useful, as good marriage could set you up for life. So we could argue, that romance was a gigolo game for eligible ladies, but nobody in his right mind will ever claim that gigolos were for men, would he? As a tool of getting p^*%y? They neither did nor needed to woo the lower status wenches.

[@Eye_of_Horus]

@@raphaelmohr1965 yeah let’s hear your debunk please.

[@crazyinq8617]

It sucks that some of the best advice for finding a wife comes from the dreggs of society. For example, a Pimp once stated,"Marry the girl you likes you, not the girl you like." I can't argue how cogent that statement is.

[@Plans4YouJer2911]

Women always do the final choosing Whether it's closing time at the bar Or Walking down the aisle at a $ 10 , 000 wedding 😂😂😂

[@TylerHolmes148]

The dregs of society often contain wisdom without the trappings.

[@connorduke4619]

Don't prejudge good advice, be open to it everywhere.

[@0Zolrender0]

This is why I am now MGTOW after getting divorced. (She ran off with a younger man and it lasted 6 months and then wanted back. I said no).

[@dominiclapinta8537]

Women want power and an easy life overall. Which is why, many women get into relationships that end up with them being abused or not being truly loved. As long as the power and easy to achieve resources is there, they will endure through, no matter what type of person the guy is.

[@AG26498]

Also women love being abused. I don't why or how but there are entire fanbases of women idolizing literal psychos

[@dominiclapinta8537]

@@AG26498 sadly, I have encountered this alot. Thy want power period. Many don't care how it is delved to them, just as long as it is there. They have the same mentality for almost anything. Just as long as the thing is somehow in their life, they don't care how it disadvantages them.

[@steinkalv]

I think it's because they are still living with the ancient idea that society is terribly dangerous to a woman and that she needs a powerful man to protect her. Well, ya don't. Society is not hostile towards women, but rather the opposite, at least in developed countries. I think this way of thinking will change over time, and I think we as men place too much value on sexual relationships. Sure, have sex, but why do you even need a partner if she is one of the above: operating only on her primal instinct for security? But we also need to ask ourselves, as men, why do we want women, if not for sex? Are we not just as bad? Personally, I like to say I enjoy being around feminine energy, as I have plenty of masculine energy myself, but is this really true? Would I date a girl without a vagina? Who the fuck knows, something to ponder.

[@jasmines.6325]

Women need security to support offspring, this is instinctual

[@dominiclapinta8537]

@@jasmines.6325 but it often times gets perverted or taken advantage of, and there is often times no resistence not willing as to learn from mistakes. At leats with us men, you hurt us bad enough and we will often avoid it later on. This is why we get criticized about not being more like women and having more connections with others. But it's not that we don't wish to, but rather, that we know instinctually, if we just casually and carelessly let anybody I to our inner circle, then it could damage us. So, we avoid the conflict

[@deadtoy5360]

Child support and alimony are used to protect women who marry a rich man and get dumped and handed the baby. But it's also being used against poor or average men who were dumped by women, and they get the baby too.

[@eyesofnight]

If it makes you feel any better more women are paying alimony that ever before in history. This is leading to calls for the laws to be changed because it's not fair to women

[@inso5078]

That's exactly what I noticed a long time ago. Women want and like being treated like a lady, being given flowers etc., but only if she's already attracted to you and sees you as her best option.

[@proximityclockworkx1572]

Without offering nothing in return.

[@ddicin7759]

@@proximityclockworkx1572 She's renting her womb and genetics to the man. That's a lot in my book.

[@proximityclockworkx1572]

@@ddicin7759 Maybe true for the womb part, from which she can abort YOUR child whenever she sees fit without your consent. And you cannot opt out of child support. See the double standards here? Also what genetics? Females choose males that they think have superior genetics compared to theirs. So basicly, outside of sex and reproduction (none of those interest me), they have nothing to offer while the man HAS to be in the top 10% otherwise you'll be invisible or creepy to them, and then you HAVE TO provide virtually everything and anything she ever wants. And all that for nothing if she decides to divorce you, take your income, your children, house, cars, everything you've ever owned or will own, because she was bored or whatever. And most of the times, they are the ones that initiating the divorce. Seems to me like a rigged game. Sure, you can say don't marry. To which I say, in some countries, even cohabitation counts as a pseudo marriage thing, which is enough for her in court to demand things from you. The best course of action is to avoid women at all costs, only talk to them if you must.

[@patricktluszcz]

„Only if she is already attracted to you” - isn’t that just … normal ?

[@inso5078]

@@patricktluszcz What I mean by that is giving her flowers won't make her like you. If she's attracted to you already, you don't have to do anything to keep her around.

[@mrdemokrative8018]

Everything on this channel I have watched so far I have experienced in my 55 year old life. I have waited for someone to articulate my (and many others) experience so well as Orion Taraban is doing. Best channel of the year!

[@manflynil9751]

I'm 52, and I agree. Orion illuminates it all for me.

[@AfriqueNY]

I'm also a Gen x dude and i agree. This guy nails it

[@MichaelMariel-ts2rs]

I like comments like yours...cos as long as your life experience can validate his theory then it should be taken seriously. I already knew what he says is true, he just validates me from a academic perspective

[@sircaptain7870]

I’m 46, in the “top 5%” financially & can say that this guys channel is beyond amazing. He’s breaking this stuff down on a level that is worth more than money.

[@ColdSteel-oi3um]

Most men don't understand the difference between spinless, subservient romance vs dominant, masculine romance. Masculine romance is leading the woman in interactive, fun or adventurous activities. Spineless, subservient romance is the kneeling to propose, offering the woman gifts and offering the woman money.

[@vidard9863]

that is probably the cause of my longest streak of failures with women. i recognized that most of romance was playing mind games designed to make a single woman's heart vulnerable, and attempted to have more mature relationships with the end goal of marriage. sadly i am not the king, and the women had been promised the mind altering drug of romance.... it was my fault for believing what my teachers, and even well meaning family told me, and treating women with the same respect i would have appreciated. (his take on respect is phenomenal) men and women are not the same, which is observably true, and if you don't take the time to realize that society is lying to you about women, you will have no real success with them, which will not in any way help women.

[@forddreamsdofly546]

Well said

[@AfriqueNY]

VERY WELL SAID. Salute to you m

[@proximityclockworkx1572]

Thing is... You don't need them unless you want to see your life in flames.

[@FilthyCasual-np7yk]

Sheesh, who cares what helps women. Caring about that is what got us men cornered in this twisted culture. Don't feel bad for women when their privilege backfires on them.

[@proximityclockworkx1572]

@@FilthyCasual-np7yk They got this. They are strong and independent 😂😂

[@_gold_eye_2656]

“Romance is the spice of the relationship but pragmatism is the substance of it. Love is the motive and reason is the fruit.” - me

[@thusharividanagamachchi9779]

Love how you creatively put this 😍

[@backcountyrpilot]

…and marriage is the vegetable

[@_gold_eye_2656]

@@backcountyrpilot actually yes. It’s healthy and most people are so childish they refuse it.

[@_gold_eye_2656]

@@discerningmood2674 because it is so very undeniably quotable that I felt like it.

[@_gold_eye_2656]

@@discerningmood2674 well that’s unfortunate for you

[@cawlsy]

I wish I knew this when I was younger. Definitely sharing this video with my daughter to help her understand the fundamentals of relationships so that she will choose carefully.

[@prettyzuneira]

U r good mother ❤

[@poetsrear]

To be honest this will not guide anyone, especially a girl. But if she's open minded it's a good hear.

[@ernestdrozdz1889]

This is a XXL size red pill :D I'm fairly redpilled myself but this reaches even deeper level. While listening I felt a mild dissonance and I immediately knew what you're saying is true.

[@toddpacker1015]

Search your feelings you know it to be true

[@mrmiyagi5]

I am black pilled

[@chrisfabre23]

While he was progressing with his explanation I was simultaneously reflecting on my own behaviors when I was younger the phrase that I couldn't escape saying to myself was "I knew something was wrong." And it's hard not to feel almost a kind of shame about it. 😔

[@SuperMagnum83]

Women like romance because it's confirmation that the man is invested, this means he will stick around and she will have access to his resources and security.

[@prettyzuneira]

​@@SuperMagnum83u mean "women have been conditioned to loke romance "

[@colleenbarcheski3301]

This is a course we should be required to take entering into the dating landscape. It would've helped so many people understand the challenges we've lived with.

[@spider-spectre]

We are in the end stages of behavioral sink, either people become self aware or its the catalyst to a new conflict, conflicts over "modern" life is already started, those who worship the lifestyle and those who are vehemently against it.

[@Ryan-yg7zc]

Makes perfect sense but also makes me really sad

[@theresadoll5374]

You are the first KZbinr I’ve come across who gets, values, and promotes, what I’ve noticed slash suspected for 50 years. How lovely to view and therefore support your voice. Because the gals don’t want to hear this from another gal so ... “on to the next!” in the words of the incomparable William Goldman ...

[@hachiroku8677]

Bottomline: romance doesn't pay the bills.

[@izzy9303]

😂

[@ColdSteel-oi3um]

Most men don't understand the difference between spinless, subservient romance vs dominant, masculine romance. Masculine romance is leading the woman in interactive, fun or adventurous activities. An example would be taking a ballroom dancing class together. Spineless, subservient romance is the kneeling to propose, offering the woman gifts and offering the woman money.

[@charlesclose2420]

I did Arthur Murray but my partner showed retaliatory jealousy towards myself and the cute female instructor. She refused to go on with lessons but was more than happy to criticize my dance skills when we went out.

[@treeforged9097]

Wrong, I, like most men, hate dancing so it would be totally subservient of me to go to a ballroom dancing class with a women just because she likes it. On the other hand, I enjoy my side hustles, making money, I don't do it for the money I do it because it is my passion in life. If I take the money that I make from doing the things I love and give that to a women to make her happy, she is made happy and I get to do what I want and I don't have to do cringy nonsense that she likes. That is the dominate form of romance not this spinless nonsense about bowing down to her and all of the frivolous things she likes to waste her time on.

[@ColdSteel-oi3um]

@@charlesclose2420 Why do you stay with her if she doesn't follow your lead? She knew that you'd tolerate the disrespect. That's spineless and subservient romance.

[@ColdSteel-oi3um]

@@treeforged9097 No, giving money to a woman to make her happy is spineless and subservient, my friend. Obviously, you didn't pay attention. Once again, I said that it's all about LEADING the woman in adventure or fun activities, not giving her money like a sugar daddy. Maybe your English isn't very good. The phrase, 'such as ballroom dancing,' means that it's an EXAMPLE, not that it's the only way to be romantic in a masculine way.

[@PK-xu7gu]

@@treeforged9097 Lol, you've just got yourself a prostitute mate. You give her money to keep her around and to sleep with you.

[@mario-off-topic]

I always knew that romantic comedies are actually for men. Their structure is always in a way to make us feel better (hence they are also know as feel good movies) and gives us a 90 minute illusion that there are decent women out there somewhere.

[@javier.alvarez764]

this is false though, korean dramas are romantic comedies and are mostly watch by women.

[@whatt57]

​@@javier.alvarez764Yeah because it is a fantasy for women. They appreciate the practical benefits they receive as a result of this romance.

[@yeboscrebo4451]

Women like to watch the romance too, they just don’t look at it the same as we do. If you could get inside their brains while they’re watching, you’d see them taking notes on how to get a guy to become romantically, emotionally hooked enough to spill his resources and become a slave to you. It’s the manipulation that turns them on. It’s actually perverse.

[@BWater-yq3jx]

Romantic Comedies lower your testosterone. That's all you need to know.

[@Susurro]

Actually, I'd say they exist to make men who have nothing to offer apart from themselves believe that they could get stunningly beautiful women. I note your conflation of outer beauty with character. It offers you the fantasy that physically beautiful women will subscribe to your priorities instead of making choices based on their own priorities. Men denigrate women as shallow for caring about security and safety but have yet to explain how wanting stability makes a person morally inferior. Just because you can't provide something, doesn't mean women are indecent for wanting it.

[@jasmines.6325]

Theres romance but theres also deep spiritual connections and i believe people who grow old together have that.

[@RacksonRacksonRibss]

Good point that doesn’t seem to often be touched on in these vids on in the comments

[@superboy3633]

Not spiritual connection but that's a bonding between two peoples who are together for years. Just like me and my Parents and friends.

[@leet8017]

There's an old saying: "If you don't come out of your pocket, come out of your mouth", eg be able to smooth talk and finess instead of paying for everything.

[@nonyabizness2550]

Its not about paying for everything. If you are wealthy and she is not and you marry her, you are paying for everything. Women will play the long game. If they want out later they can just cheat on you. If you tolerate they will stay married and keep using you. If you dont tolerate they will dovorce and take half

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Money and game are the way men seduce women since the dawn of time

[@jaythenihilist4689]

I would agree with this. It's not about love with women. It never has been. Once I realized this, then that's when I lost interest in pursuing any kind of serious relationships. I still date casually, but I don't see myself ever getting married or even having another serious long-term relationship again. Unlike some men, I'm not angry with women for being how they are. That's just how women evolved. I've accepted that. Men think logically but choose their partners very emotionally. Women think emotionally but choose their partners very logically. A woman can be in love with you one day, and the next day, you don't even exist to her. All it takes is another man with more to offer, showing interest in her.

[@Vic_RE_Investor]

💯

[@Tom-vq2hw]

Username shows commitment to the comment

[@joozygummibunz487]

Wow! I'm a woman, and i think you've almost got it!! I've always said this to the men and women in my life. In my undestanding, the natural order is for a man to sacrificially love first and then for the woman to submit to that love with obedience and honour towards the man that has laid down his life for her. It's hard to articulate in text but hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to say...

[@prettyzuneira]

​@@joozygummibunz487does that mean that the man will then leave after the woman submits to pursue another woman

[@Anonym-yr4qn]

​@@joozygummibunz487 So you're saying men should remain virgins, because this behavior gets you nothing??

[@gasphynx]

On another level, people tell themselves stories to bring meaning to their lives, I think romance feeds into that need.

[@BWater-yq3jx]

Yes, the epic universally ordained romance. This 'meaning' is a 2-edged sword. It can inspire you to greatness, or lead you to put up with all sorts of bs as you descend into misery. Guess which is more common.

[@HenriqueSteffens-ob6sj]

Provider x defender dichotomy

[@cainwilson8564]

I think The Song of Solomon really challenges your view 😂 Fortuitous that you even mentioned him and his 1,000…

[@KatharinaKaschka]

There’s a whole billion dollar industry around this romance stuff that fuels the notion and keeps the phantasies going. Kitsch romance novels and films/shows are catered to women and influence their expactations of life, men and relationships. As reality rarely resembles a picture-perfect "artefact" of romantic fiction, many women get disillusioned and dissatisfied with life, circumstances and men. I think romance novels and films are the female equivalent to porn, with different but still similiar dangerous repercussions. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a feel-good cozy romance novel or film once in a while for entertainment and relaxation, but its impact is subtle and heineous, if women are not conscious and mindful. Many of those female consumers "know“ that life is no Hollywood movie, and would tell you that if you asked them, but I think it still manipulates them on a deep subconscious level that they are unaware of. Also it can lead to addictions, as can porn for men.

[@Ot-ej5gi]

JP has said that the porn for women is actually the cheap romantic novels they read BUT the characters are invariably ACCOMPLISHED men, not poor men who act chivalrous. So, whatever they read and think of porn is actually not BS. Check out those novels...

[@jaythenihilist4689]

@O t You can always tell when a romance was written by a man because the male protagonist is usually poor. Titanic and The Notebook, for example. The couple loves each other for the sake of love. When women write a romance, the man is usually wealthy and of high social status. And often, two different men are in competition for the woman. The truth is that men are the true romantics.

[@Ot-ej5gi]

@@jaythenihilist4689 agreed, no one should make up these fantasies; that's like porn

[@whereeaglesdare9584]

Billion? Probably closer to 10 Trillion

[@irinaivanovic9792]

@@jaythenihilist4689 Not true. A hardcore romantic woman here, btw. We are the ones who crave romance. Why do you think those novels sell so many copies? It's NOT because the man is "high status" and makes all this money. It's because of the words he uses, the actions he does for the woman. The chivalry. That to us IS love and romance. You men will never get it right if you keep listening to men from the RedPill rabbit hole.....

[@Coneman3]

I think men get hurt more by relationship breakdown as they invest more emotionally than women in general.

[@Harmonious-jm3sy]

Listening to this gave me that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. All the time, effort, energy, money, time exerted on that my ex who was screwing a coworker who was so shady he tossed his wife and kids away for her.

[@hersweetlove9264]

Yup that's what most of them do, its a needle in a hay stack. So make sure he is wealthy so you don't end up heart in pain and also your pockets. Don't hate the player hate the game

[@Anonym-yr4qn]

​@@hersweetlove9264 Ironically, it's women who do that more often. There's comment sections full of stories where men share how their wives or girlfriends did that to them. It's even more ironic how the other side of this is using a similar metaphor. Though men usually call it "finding the hay in the needle stack". ...Another fallacy that women often fall into is: Labeling ALL men to be like those they made bad experiences with. That's because women only, or at least primarily date guys who are "top 10 percenters", so naturally... Yes, they won't commit to you, because they got like 10 or even more other women, who are just like you, throwing themselves at him. It's literally women being treated like men. Getting a taste of their own medicine: "Whatever is beneficial to me." Aside from that... It doesn't even psychologically make sense for women to be pissed about that, because they are only emotionally attached to the man's assets anyways. ...And as long as men don't ditch them and thus take the access to their assets away from them, they have literally no reason to be upset about it, logically spoken. Or are you telling me you're actually and genuinely attached to what kind of a person yo man is??

[@mattg1889]

I think from an evolutionary perspective, the romantic man trope represents the male providership mating strategy. By being romantic, the man is communicating to the woman that he will devote all his resources and attention to her, as opposed to a male who is just trying to spread his seed to as many women as possible, and isn't providing as many resources to a given person. The conflict women have is which choice in men is going to benefit them the most.

[@jc9303]

This makes total sense to me. Prior to being with my husband, I didn't find romance as an attractive factor due to the fact that witnessing my mom be attractive to men who romanced her but actually treated her like 💩💩💩 and having gone through some relationships with 💩💩💩 me myself (don't get me wrong, they had some good romance game, but that's pretty much it). I thought there was something wrong with me for a while as I hated being romanced with poems, flowers, chocolate and all that crap. I couldn't figure out why. When my husband and I first made the decision to date and commit, he already showed signs of providing for me in practical and actual ways, which was a turn on for me. He does have his cheesy romantic moments (in which I find so cringey at times), but he is consistent with ensuring that me and our son are protected and provided.

[@psychacks]

Thanks for sharing, JC.

[@dalegrant9282]

'Providing for me' jesus christ its 2023 provide for yourself woman!

[@PolishBehemoth]

I notice how you disnt mention what you provide for him. Im all for story sharing in relation tot he video. But can you calrify if you are something besides a gold digger? Im henuinely curious.

[@aidanforbes]

I think her pov is solely supporting what this video is about she'll be most likely offering the equivalent that men like from a woman. Personally, it makes sense wooing a woman is nothing compared to showing her evidence of you being a capable leader in a partnership, and a big part of that is shown through the ability to obtain resources. Only a low value woman would accept a material gift (chocolates and accessories) as a fair trade for sex. A higher value woman would require you to prove you can look after her and care for her needs in a way that provides her needs and a presence that demands respect (a kind monster).

[@041882]

@@aidanforbes your perspective makes sense to me! What did you mean by "kind monster" though?

[@peakoilnews868]

Love this content - but as a historian I am not sure I agree that 'Romance was created in Southern France in the 15th Century. Romantic impulses can be found throughout time and throughout cultures. Amd my guess is that it serves both sexes. Romance for a man is a focusing agent- much like religion- that allows him to engage in high risk high reward behavior (such as openly working against the Kings interest!). For women it gives a sense of safety, commitment and loyalty. Besides a man capable of such focus and passion only needs a little direction to become a great success! Thanks again.

[@crypto2276]

👍👍

[@siberiangirl1941]

I admit I am a bit of an outlier here but I find wealthy men extremely dull. I am related to one of the wealthiest families in American history. Very old money. Polo matches, couture wardrobes, yachts & endless parties. You would think they have all the confidence in the world but generally not. The competition at the tippy top is brutal and nothing is ever enough. There is nothing I love more than to be at a dive sports bar on a weekend with guys (people) that are just happy to have a day off & can genuinely love their friends & family & have fun.

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Yet you would only marry a doctor or an engineer. Not the 4/10 looking tech support dork or the McDonald's burger flipper

[@siberiangirl1941]

@@keylanoslokj1806 actually I married an alarm installer that later became a contractor/design/ builder.

[@keylanoslokj1806]

@@siberiangirl1941 yes basically what i said. Hypergamy

[@siberiangirl1941]

@@keylanoslokj1806 what? The fuck are you talking about

[@keylanoslokj1806]

@@siberiangirl1941 open a dictionary if you got foreign words

[@amino1music]

The fact that this isn’t obvious is a testament to how effective it is. Security is worth a lot but it’s also a little boring. People trade wealth for exciting experiences all the time. The promise of excitement has allure.

[@Focused76]

Oh God! 21 years and I'm getting these reality checks now .. I'm glad

[@lloydus_maximus]

Be thankful your 21 and not 32 😅

[@alanpontes2855]

@@lloydus_maximus or 52

[@Carlos_ChT]

Solomon wrote Song of Solomon too. He wasn't just someone absolutly rich and powerful. He was wise and poetic too.

[@albertramos7937]

"Unconditional love is for children and pets."

[@mgbm8335]

This explains why there's more guys caring less about relationships, and caring more about wealth, enjoying their lives. I don't think good husbands are seen as valuable anymore in this era. At least that's what statistics show us.

[@PolishBehemoth]

Its sad really.

[@zorothe9th]

It speaks to how messed up people have become that they view housewives and traditional women as 'gold diggers'. Its only natural for women to go with a man who provides safety and not stress and excitement.

[@elio3985]

putting wealth close to morals and personality IS gold digging, also *ape is natural as well

[@johnsnow6098]

What a soul crushing interpretation of the human experience.

[@keylanoslokj1806]

It's more gloomy, mechanical and animalistic than most of us would want to believe

[@junglistgrrl]

@@keylanoslokj1806 yup

[@starkid9736]

@@keylanoslokj1806 ever seen what meat is made off

[@jaythenihilist4689]

I've been studying human nature relentlessly for years. On one hand, I feel like I have a superpower. I understand what people are thinking or how they will behave. I understand what I need to do or how I need to behave to win a womans attraction. On the other hand, it's so incredibly depressing that I'm no longer interested in having a real relationship with a woman. Men are messed up too, just in different ways. I've come to look at humans as essentially preprogrammed organic robots. There's days when I wish that I could just forget everything I've learned, be ignorant, and actually enjoy myself with a woman. Because I don't look at women the same way I used to, I don't look at people in general the same way I used to. But then again, ignorance isn't going to change the facts about human nature. It just really sucks that things are the way they are.

[@PolishBehemoth]

@@jaythenihilist4689 theres more to it for humans that follow the spirit of God.

[@RBRajatBrar]

Most of the audience of romantic films are females. Romance might be invention of men but surely not low standard. What do you feel when you look at sunset, or tiger, or great architecture, that experience is poetic in itself. Same goes with when you look at a women, the eye contact, connection, you can't fake the magic you feel. What women find interesting about romance is the playfulness comes with it that makes them feel alive.

[@nowhereman7413]

In those films the romantic there are two or more men fighting for a mediocre woman. All those men fighting for the mediocre woman are attractive and rich or very attractive and not so rich as the other. The romantic stuff is secondary, it would not make sense for any woman if those men were not very attractive and rich.

[@keylanoslokj1806]

It's a drug men invented but more appeals to the emotional nature or women

[@toddpacker1015]

@@nowhereman7413 Exactly. In real life those super hot rich men have all the women chasing them... but in the fantasy movies those men only have eyes for a mediocre woman.

[@a.thales7641]

@@nowhereman7413 true!

[@errrzarrr]

Looking at the beauty of a building or garden is not romanticism, it's a different thing.

[@velislavaart2214]

You are so brave to tell that. Thanks so much.

[@sarahellison1154]

I'm grateful for the ability to hear what he's proposing, but also to know that it's only part of the truth. Hurt people hurt people. And as children whose physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health is not provided for grow up into adults, they project that pain and lack onto a slew of partners. At first they do whatever feels the safest. Find a man with money. Find a woman who adores you and thinks you've hung the moon and showers you with sex. Then watch as it crumbles because we haven't learned to meet our own needs and release our pain and suffering. But life can be incredibly romantic when you CHOOSE it with intention. When we are healthy, we can bring romance into our relationships. Not "superficial, needy romance" but the deep desire to know what the people in your life crave in loving partnership and how you can give that from an OVERFLOWING, ABUNDANT cup of self love. This isn't limited to our spouse. It's our brothers, sisters, mother's etc. To be able to love from overfill-- not lack--changes the game. And I would argue that one of the single most fulfilling aspects of life is shared experience-- to know and be known. Hard to be known by your husband if he has 700 wives and additional concubines. Or by your wife if she has chosen you simply from lack and FEAR, which produces a cringy feeling because she's never truly loved you for you. While I appreciate the psychology, we are more than our histories and traumas. And history is here arguably to help you choose a different way. What if we got so healthy and clear and passion- and purpose- driven that our relationships became an extension of the love we have of life. Wanna see how things can be if we simply act according to our ancestry? Watch chimp nation. When our individual survival and procreation trumps the collective good, we will return to base and tragic existences. Yet at the end we will still long for deep meaningful existences. Hugh Heff may have "lived the dream" but how many people sat around his bed as he was dying who truly knew him his entire life? Who could be present with his passing in a profound and supportive way? Anyways, I could go on. But I won't. I just encourage those that come to this page because they have been hurt by people who have been hurt by people... Decide what is true and beautiful for you. Decide what kind of union you can build that is raw, open, expanisve, and fulfilling. And choose wisely someone who marches towards those goals and is ready to work to keep it alive. Fall in love with life, own your authentic truth, and then allow love to flow. Safety is an illusion. It is only created within. Give not from needing to receive, but from your heart, from the overflow you create-- and you will never run dry 💙

[@Plans4YouJer2911]

Don't know if you are religious or not However, it was very well written Very thought provoking Reinforced some of my beliefs Three types of people #1 there are Givers #2 there are Takers #3 there are Givers, so they can be Takers But really that's all they are is Takers HHHMMM ??? Maybe answering my own wondering about a situation #3 are they a narcissist ??? Blessings to You on Your Journey 😊

[@joeg4466]

I think you missed the point of this video.

[@hakanulukavak]

Interesting perspective. Yeah only focusing on transactional side of relationships is kinda raw. It is important to be aware of these aspects though.

[@idlehourlinda6476]

This has caused me to consider romance in a different way, beginning from a historical perspective and continuing to our modern day courtship rituals.

[@niceprincesslucky]

Well damn! It’s all a lie! 😂 You men really got me into believing I wanted a knight in shining armor when all I wanted was a king!

[@rissrose3470]

hahahha

[@Plans4YouJer2911]

Glad to know women watch these videos as well I watch women sharing videos as well Always trying to learn Blessings to You on Your Journey 😊😊😊

[@timberwolfdan5910]

I figured this out a long time ago. Women base relationships off of sex and resources. If they cared about love or romance they wouldn’t cheat all the time and treat men the way they do.

[@KuniKarin01]

This seems like a very wounded thing to say. You ok buddy?

[@interestingtimes6242]

The opinions of other women (status), resources and sex.

[@zorothe9th]

Men cheat too. There's plenty of men who demand for money from a woman

[@Schopenhauer69]

Are you ok Buddy? You'll be needing our prayers soon. 😂

[@goofywill90]

Romance for women is probably not just the idea itself but the idea of romance with a particular/ideal person. The other people outside of that ideal simply do not exist. Combine that with loose generalizations and virtual signaling and you have a recipe for potential misunderstandings and overinvestment if your unlucky enough to experience it. Romance for men is wish fulfillment or a breath of fresh air/comforting backdrop in a harsh reality.

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Romance for women is fantasizing men loving them as they would love themselves if they were men, with zero care about realistic implications and hardships that this would entail. (Especially for the men).

[@lastofthemohicans4665]

Hands down the most interesting and informative video I have seen in a long time. Thank you.

[@star_blazer]

_Extremely_ enlightening video, Dr. Taraban! Thank you for this historical gem.

[@zizwajamesmauluka8742]

Just became one of my Favourite Videos on KZbin ever

[@olacole5315]

This is great knowledge for us young men. Thank you

[@ab4everunited]

This is so obvious and yet so eye opening!! Another great take Doc!

[@moatazmansour8530]

A brilliant analysis , thank you so much for posting all of these videos .

[@bluephoenix8470]

The analysis and conclusion could not have been delivered any better. Brilliantly done.

[@theresa78201]

The essence of romance is the man convincing the woman he will not abandon her to raise their children by herself.

[@davidw.5185]

I found your channel earlier this week. Quality content and metaphors highlighting current trends and educating younger men as to the challenges ahead.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

lmao.

[@johnheart6890]

Excellent analysis. I have thought this for years, but it was just a hunch and not backed with evidence! Thanks!

[@Feber2001]

I truly appreciate the professional perspective of modern love/relationships.

[@taylorsmcintyre]

This is brilliant and clarifies everything.

[@FeelnLikeIDoEveryDay]

No wonder as a boy it can be so easy to be taken in by the thought of romance. It makes it seem like the goal is won by a choice rather than a competition. Beauty and the Beast for example, Gaston had game and muscles but the Beast had a castle and put Belle in a position Gaston never could. What does it really look like if the hottest girl around never leaves town anyway? She’d end up somebody’s maid instead of having a maid pretty much I guess.

[@cevanille1104]

He's wrong, women do want romance, from a man they desire; so you should make yourself desirable first (be fit, eat well, have a job, be creative/funny). Saying "romance is for poor men'' is like saying "romance is for ugly women". Ugly women are typically ''poor'' in the dating market. Men tend to forget that. Men passed on their genes by being useful, not pretty. Women were selected for looks. As a result the average man is not as physically attractive to women, as the average woman is to men. Now add on the fact that most men don't know skincare and grooming, dress badly and don't workout, the average woman is going to be very dissatisfied sexually.

[@Plans4YouJer2911]

Yes How interesting Knew a gal in college that all the guys thought she was really really hot One night she and a girl friend of hers sat down across from me to eat supper Finally realized after some conversation who they were Actually did not feel overly flattered Jump ahead 15 years Was in the area where she lived on business Heard thru the local grapevine that she was not dating and unmarried HHHMMM ??? 😂😂😂

[@frankmassello9073]

Loved this episode. This guy is fantastic. Can't get enough. Some of his phrasing is quotable

[@ronsanchez703]

Excellent presentation and very insightful. Thank you for your knowledge. 👍

[@joygibbons5482]

As a woman I always hated romance. It creeps me out big time and made me want to run to the hills!

[@irinaivanovic9792]

That's extremely odd. But you are in the minority and that's okay.

[@DivineLogos]

Also potentially by a husband with high status, when he does it purely out of kindness?

[@derekluna7700]

@@irinaivanovic9792 Not odd, just american woman things haha

[@mariaalmasaniroyalhouse9214]

@@irinaivanovic9792 American ladies have a limiting belief that they have no self worth, so they don’t think they deserve romance and pretend they love 50-50 feminism and bill splitting because pyschology they don’t think they deserve it. They are not wrong actually.. if one calls herself a feminists, acts and dresses manly, refuses to provide value to the table why should anyone marry her? Inner work and inner child therapy and hypnotherapy plus therapy for PTSD can really help fix the low self worth that feminism wrecked on American ladies. If you feel good about yourself you enjoy the kindness of others because you feel you deserve kindness. If you feel you are not worthy, kindness will creep you out. It’s so sad. Poor American ladies- a self fulfilling prophecy of being treated poorly. I love my husbands flowers

[@Plans4YouJer2911]

So ?!?!?!? Are you saying that women are more interested in the man learning your love language early on ??? Even in the first several dates ??? Just curious Blessings to You on Your Journey 😊

[@4wheelwarrior]

Mind: Blown. This one earned you my subscription Sir, well done. So romance is just the oldest form of "running game" ... makes SO much sense.

[@WwEN1GM4wW]

Another brilliant massive unveiling. You are a gem.

[@IamKrystalHardwick]

I love that Two Princes song! I’m so surprised you’re referencing it in this video!

[@Interdacted]

Romance was mostly stressful, Sure you can be romantic, Hope that it is reciprocated, But there's no guarantee that all your effort would, or even should be given back. People have there own life, There own plans, And there own 5 year plan. Simply if your choices are not what was planed, You're unlikely to win

[@allanrashid2287]

This guy is an absolute genius........he resonates with me to the absolute core

[@adamselene5957]

A very WELL NEEDED video. PLEASE show this to all of your sons.

[@briceparlant9304]

Mind blowing ! Thanks to you and others I’m loving history and anthropology.

[@nack8310]

I never thought Valentine style gifts mean much to women if the guy wasn’t rich, but today’s materialistic modern woman demand it today. Women assume romantic gifts are part of a relationship. They throw a fit if they don’t get it.

[@JustinCrediblename]

nah. they don't require that stuff. A real connection will take you a LONG way. They do want you to be financially comfortable though. The high flyers will want you to be rich, but that's definitely not all of them. Whatever is stable. Can they raise kids in your house without fear of poverty or instability?

[@Kenny-Ross]

Now I'm binge watching you. Learned something new! But always had a gut feeling that something was unnatural about trying to woo a woman through flowers and gifts. But have said men are the true romantics. Meaning, we will go above and beyond to show how we feel about a woman. We will put forth more effort in trying to establish a relationship. But here it is that romance was created by men for men. Just like the origins of Christmas are pagan and many other holidays people may celebrate. If you do the research you'll get the truth. But you learn something new everyday. I'm going to do more research into this topic. But thank you for sharing this.

[@a.thales7641]

He talks about things I've always thought about

[@Tgogators]

The absolute truth to women is that they want a partner (beyond the scope of friends with benefits, flings, etc) who they feel can protect them (it's a feminine trait). The other things are bonuses, and when considering several men at the same time, she'll likely pick the one that has the bonus along with the essentials. Women tend to think partner selection like a job selection process, hence the whole "women want it all." The thing that's not being talked about here, is how in this day & age, people are dating and/or settling down with partners who are near status to one another. But I have yet to met a women who wants to be the sole finical provider or a relationship

[@FilthyCasual-np7yk]

Saying that romanticism is by men for men is like saying breast implants are by women for women.

[@w1cked001]

Oh my god. These short videos are so eye opening.

[@criandoclientes-acienciahu3958]

the best insight ever. thank you Orion. greetings from Brazil

[@pinkroses135]

The way I look at it is in two parts. The dutiful, respectful, chivalry open door type of thing and the sensory bit. Lighting, flowers, food, ambiance. Women are usually better at bringing the second one to the table. I think what women are looking for is that emotional side and having her femininity acknowledged. That may present differently in different types of men.

[@AndyJMacLeod]

My thought watching this: I’ve never been particularly romantic, because I guess I felt secure that my ex-wife and I shared strong Christian values, and that I was a good husband and father. But she cheated until I divorced her. She wasn’t happy. Not sure how that fits with this view of romance. She wanted romance/attention that she wasn’t getting.

[@rcdoubleu]

I was actually thinking about that factor. money does translate to provision and protection. Yet i think it's the money and status that men created to compete with guys who women would naturally go for...not the other way around.

[@brucecates3772]

Wrong she got bored with you and hence was no longer attracted to you so she moved on. It is what it is.

[@sargeklein]

Yeah women need romance. If they don’t get the kind they desire then they will think you don’t care

[@prettyzuneira]

It's because of how women are conditioned these days...women are conditioned at the benefit of men by showing them millions of romance to benefit the poor man

[@lukegibson9410]

This is really deep. Didn't think about that before. Great content.

[@metalrat2]

This is a solid piece of new information for me. Wow. Thank you!

[@ThomasFoolery8]

Loved that you used the word “bogarting” haha. Haven’t heard that in a while.

[@iampicasso1811]

😂

[@kckelly7889]

Yeah I caught that too. Made me chuckle.

[@clarkengelbert4575]

What do I think? I think this channel is incredible and want to thank you for the awesome content you put out. Very well done, sir.

[@dwightbrown]

Wow. What a truth bomb. And I thought I had heard it all and figured it all out. Great video

[@TheForgotten__1]

Hands down KZbin channel of the year. Bravo 👏

[@louiscelenza8017]

You somehow put into words something I have always felt, but could never figure out. The flowers that die after a few days in a vase. The giant box of fattening choocolates. And women really don't want that stuff, except for maybe bragging to their girlfriends. They act like they do, to the giver. If they don't get them, it's a reason to be resentful. It's been quit puzzling over the years. Know the history of these traditional courting gifts shined a light.

[@brucecates3772]

Wrong if a women doesnt get the gifts usually women is intrigued by the mystery and goes after this intirguing alpha or sigma male. It is all about the attraction and mystery giving gifts is reserved for smps and incels.

[@Krucifus]

Did you really just say that women don't want chocolate?

[@bradbowers4414]

In real life a man can use some of both. He might not be totally poor but also isn't Solomon. He can supplement his game with Romance, especially when he really loves the woman. She feels special, and receives things she does actually like (notes or flowers), but also likes the status he does have. Men can be in the middle.

[@tarunsohail4940]

thanks for making all this content for us i personally really appreciate it

[@clauaome25]

Well done, Dr. These men need to open their eyes.

[@FreeD00M]

It is also a way to prove and build connection (so that he stays and protects). A safe bet with a man that has enough can be better than an unsafe bet with a man that has more than enough.

[@naturallyniece320]

Hey!! I have binged watched your videos!!! My question is, are you married? If so for how long? And what made you settle down with your wife? We’re you guys married young? Or was she one of the lucky women over 30? Who made a great offer you couldn’t refuse?

[@Topspeedmotorcars]

Excellent, the movie indicent proposal comes to mind with Robert Redford

[@clintgolub1751]

This was discussed at length in Robert Green‘s famous book “48 Laws of Power” and was consequently a NY Times best-seller 20 years ago.

[@Promet17]

I think that there is reason for why women fall for romance. In a way, romance either can appeal to their vanity (this man worships me) or it can be a very good sign that a man is going to commit in the long term (this man has what it takes to provide for me, and he loves me, so he won't leave me, either). However, the origins are most interesting.

[@franciscojuarez6280]

So in a nutshell, the low status guy has one advantage over the high status guy: He can devote all his time, and attention and grovelling to the one woman. The rich guy can't compete with that. Like the low status guy, he can only be in one place at a time, and he only has 24 hours in a day.

[@GearZNet]

She would still rather an hour with the high status guy than a day with the low. Think of the women who would crowd around a famous athlete, musician or actor as opposed to how many women would go out of their way to gain the attention of the regularly Joe Schmo. It's not an advantage that you get to grovel for a woman's affection; it's a curse. 😅

[@patrickrutherford5553]

This makes more sense than anything else I’ve heard about romance amd what women want

[@NotInformedOfficial]

Bro, you are something else. keep it up!