Stop Being So Hard on Yourself!

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I hope you saw the comments on my last mental health video...
KZbin comments can be a pretty toxic place at times, but this was different. Hundreds of people left loving messages for those in need of mental health support right now.
If you were one of them, thank you.
But there was another issue that came out of that video... self esteem. What IS self esteem really, and how on earth do you build it?
(And how do you build it quickly enough to cope better *today*, not in ten years' time?)
This week's video gives you a working definition of self esteem - and a simple shortcut for how to start building it in yourself.
Love, Cathy x
** Music credits (in order) **
'Remove The Complexities' by Peter Sandberg
'Light Cascades' by Megan Wofford
'Tingling' by Christophe Gorman
'
Lilac (Scaled Down Version)' by Martin Landh
(All from EpidemicSound.com)
Edited by Sophie Black at @triskellepictures
/ @triskellepicturesuk
You can also follow me and see my own sewing on Instagram:
/ cathy.hay
Your letters and cards are welcome at Mr Worth's old place.
7 Rue de la Paix
Paris 75002
France
If you're in the UK, I also have an address here:
1 Northumberland Avenue
Trafalgar Square
London
WC2N 5BW
United Kingdom
Please don't send parcels - the fees to have them imported/forwarded to me are expensive! Contact me first if it's something special or important.
Thank you, thank you, to everyone who has sent something to me. It is deeply valuable to read your words in your own handwriting and hold them in my hands. It helps me to connect to who you really are, and what you really need from me. I read, enjoy and treasure every one. Thank you.

[@BliffleSplick]

Other people being unable to see your value doesn't mean it's missing, it means they can't see it. It's always been there. It'll always be there.

[@jasminpeer6473]

You are one of the most beautiful people I have seen, inside and out. Your videos are like a salve to my absolutely battered soul. This year has not been easy for me and it feels like I'm drowning in grief. Sometimes being moved to tears (or a full on cry) by one of your videos is all I need to feel better for a day.

[@julsatmidnight]

My mother died. I held her hand, felt her leave the room. I wish she had taken me with her. I haven't wanted to be here anymore. For 1021 days now, I've had to convince myself to stay. To bathe and feed myself because I deserve that much. I sleep in a cozy place and end each day with words of comfort she would say to me if she were here. I haven't found what she saw in me, but every day at least I give myself another chance to find it. Left behind for a reason. 🖤

[@FuuHolliday]

You're doing so well. It also might help to think what your mother would do to care of you. You're going to make it through, keep on going

[@ailliar3287]

I think I would teach them that your worth isn't how good you are at things, how useful you are, or how much you can achieve. Your worth is not something you need to earn to be enough for yourself or anyone else. It doesn't diminish with your failures, it's there no matter what, so you should value yourself like the worthy person you are, just by being here.

[@grizeldaxxx4568]

That is so beautiful ...thanks for putting it into words x

[@siulinglee9208]

Totally agree

[@linda.brotherton1689]

Wow

[@CloudsLoom]

Thank you so much for that wonderful, supportive, enlightening video. I once asked a friend out for lunch one day, only to have her say, "Thanks, but I'm going out today with my oldest friend." I felt a bit stung, as I thought myself to be her oldest friend, and asked who it was. She paused and laughed self-consciously then replied, "Me. I'm going to go to all the places that make me happy, to see if I can recapture that joy, that wonder, that innocent view of the world around me. I do it once a month. You should try it sometime. Buy yourself your favorite flowers, go to the zoo or the park or the art gallery or anywhere that reminds you of your dreams and your hopes, have something decadent for lunch, do something that makes you laugh out loud -- no matter who's watching." In essence, I guess you could look at it as taking your inner child out for a day and forgetting about being that responsible adult, if only for a little while.

[@stiofanmacamhalghaidhau765]

Ah Cathy... You are the kindness the world had almost lost. We are of an age... your photos have the scent of my photos, the air is the same in them. And yes, I have that box, with those things. Remembering yourself is powerful magic. Made me smile watching this video, having done exactly this process only three days ago. For anyone who happens to read this comment: Yes, trust Auntie Cathy. Yes, this process works.

[@catsandcrafts171]

I look at little me and I wish for all the world that we understood mental health back then (70s/80s) the way we do now. I'm quite obviously on the spectrum, and I seem to have ADHD. I tried to take my own life several times as a child, because I felt hated by the world around me. The world didn't take care of that child then, but you have just taught me that I can take care of her now.

[@hameley12]

I'm sorry you had to go through that on your own. I do admire people who have been through the rough emotional phase, not because it's interesting or educational. But because my uncle lived during that time with ADHD and his family and friends treated him badly, he told his brother and sister later when they were adults that he had been diagnosed with ADHD, and he had it since childhood. Still, his parents thought it was just an act, and he cut off ties with them. I cannot even imagine how bad it was for you or him to live in a community that didn't understand mental health and physical disabilities. When I was a teen we came up to the topic itself, and he poured out everything he had gone through. That's when I saw him with new eyes. I admired him and respect him even more! Thankfully we have online channels and non-profit organizations bringing in families and teaching them/giving them the tools on how to treat their children respectfully. I hope you are doing better.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

‼️I've noticed that it's always the good people who are too hard on themselves and who don't have enough self-esteem and self-love. And it's always the terrible people who think they are perfect and flawless and have no problems loving themselves. 🤣

[@KJayPlays]

I’m going to take this to heart. I want to be my own parent. A good parent who does and says those things I miss hearing.

[@margaretbarclay-laughton2086]

I remember totally shocking the congregation with one of my children's talks. I asked who could quote the famous passage from Mathew 22. One of the adults shouted "love your neighbour." I quickly pointed out they had only quoted half the verse it actually said. "Love your neighbour as you love yourself." It does not say "even though you dont like your self." You can learn how others want you to behave but that is an enforced behaviour. To understand we have to look at what it is to love someone. If we truly love someone we want what is good for them, what made them healthy and happy. If you love yourself you care about the things you need to be fulfilled to feel whole only then can you understand what love is.

[@KristinaHoneyHavenFarm]

I have always struggled with that verse, because I am not sure that I have ever truly loved myself. I have poured my life into caring for others; I was a teacher for 33 years. I worked very hard to teach children how to value and believe in themselves, but I have never quite figured it out when it comes to applying it to myself. Lately I have been feeling just like I did when I was that child: I am useless and stupid. So I have been engaging in a lot of negative self-talk including anger aimed at myself. What I want for that child in me is the gentle treatment I applied to my students. Gentle love and guidance to help them become the best version of themselves (whatever that may be) that they can become. Right now I don't feel like I deserve to treat my own self that way, though. Right now I am so angry at myself for being worthless and stupid, no matter how hard I have tried to do things right/better. I used to dream of being a hermit. Now that I have retired I can be more hermitish, but still have to deal with other people sometimes. Sorry for the "rant." I have flagged several of Cathy's videos for my watch later list, hoping to learn more.

[@linda.brotherton1689]

You are such a wise woman, the most understandable Lady who lives in this world 🌹

[@torihawk1967]

Thank you Cathy, so lovely and wise as always - my 15 month old daughter has really started looking like baby me and I tell her everyday how clever and beautiful and funny she is. When I see photos where she looks like me, I feel a cathartic sense of love towards my younger self too, and my current self - because of how special my daughter is

[@jacquelinemcgowan8164]

Wow, what an eye opener and fantastic way to stop berating myself, I am working in a college, was thinking about how hopeless I am, comparing myself, well today I AM UNCOMPARABLE God gave each and everyone one of us a different finger print which blows my mind, thankyou very much for this wonderful way of how we now need to show love and compassion to ourselves and perhaps others xxx🤗😊🤗😊🤗

[@lisam5744]

Whenever I see a non-sewing video from you, dear lady, I know I will cry. But your message is always with so much love that I look forward to those videos. I don't like to think about my childhood after growing up in an abusive home. It's just easier. But sometimes I think, if I had the chance to see myself as a child that I'd tell myself, 'You're loved, you're worthy and it will get so much better. Just hold on'.

[@grizeldaxxx4568]

I hear You!! Thank You so much for sharing , I think I only have one photo of me as a Child , so hard to look into my Eyes and see the pain ...You words of Love are perfect !

[@shellygenter8585]

Shelly, you're different. You're not the same as the rest of the world. Fitting in isn't for you. And that's okay. Because you are amazing being you. Don't think you're broken, because you're not. Your quirks make up the wonderfulness that makes you Shelly. Don't try to fit in, you won't. That's because you are a special wonderful that will love being alive and will find the joy in almost everything you will do.

[@NoEnvyNoFear1]

The advice or wisdom that helped me as an adult at my lowest was "Treat yourself as you would your best friend" and "When you think low of yourself, don't believe in you; believe in me that believes in you". That's what I would tell myself. That no-one will put you first if you don't put yourself first, and that thoughts and feelings aren't truth. They're just thoughts and they can't hurt you. If you just let them be and see them for what they are, they can't control your life.

[@janicemcalisterdouglas7351]

That child in me was once brave and sure until things in my family fell apart and that child grew afraid of the world. I have been on my personal journey most of my grown-up years to allow that child to become brave and sure once again. I'm now 63-years-old and I have come a very long way to be the person I want to be today. It does take determination and at times, some strong support, but I have gained back more of me and let go of more of what is toxic to myself. I sure do appreciate these little time outs with you to re-assess ourselves and pick up new ways to look at where we are and adjusting our course.

[@wes8504]

love yourself; value yourself (above all others … no matter the cognitive dissonance you may endure); be true to you!

[@Carmen-nq8ex]

Cathy, you really are wonderful. And to little me...you matter, you always have. Never expect people to act and react to things like you would. The path in front of you may be squiggly..but your steps are strong. Be you, you are great.

[@gerdaurban7462]

I have been struggling with self esteem a lot through the years, so this really touched me. What I would tell her is that "your emotions are always valid, so don't bottle them up, thinking that you will be a burden to others if you show them"

[@MrKirby365]

As someone who has been facing the adversity of figuring out how to grow up and Let things go that no longer have to be a part of my life because I'm a grown up.... I can't tell you how many times I thought I'm also just a little kid still... Thank you I think you feel exactly what I was feeling and and I really think a lot of us really needed this. It's really really easy to feel alone when you're in this kind of pain. It is also easy to forget to treat yourself right when you're in this kind of pain. Thank you it's creators like you that are the whole reason I choose to continue to keep my KZbin going. I don't intake a lot of the stupid repetitive content. There's a couple of channels I like that have gotten really big and a little bit mainstream and it's frustrating. But most of the content I like comes from people who are creating just to create and sometimes that costs them a subscriber here or there but they don't care because it's about creating it's about sharing something or someone it's about changing a life or A-day. Thank you

[@lesleyharris525]

Hi, my daughter is a pier support worker for solent mind, I have never told her to grow up she is an amazing adult and I encourage her to be kind to herself, and now I can see that I was right to say that, it's a shame I didn't do the same for myself and know it's too late, ladies learn to forgive yourself and be gentle to you. ❤

[@Julzableful]

Inner child work is so important! I also try to go into situations with curiosity as my driver. This stops me from having a fragile ego and encourages me to enjoy the learning. Play, be kind, and be there for yourself 💖 Beautiful video xx

[@seame3795]

BEAUTIFUL message. 🌱

[@AziraSmith]

This is even more meaningful than the “encourage yourself the way you would encourage a friend” technique. Although that one is still useful, thinking about how you would choose to treat the child that was you makes it more applicable to your particular wants and needs and fears. ❤️ Thank you for sharing it!

[@autumn7143]

You are enough. You are worthy of love. If someone doesn’t make you feel valued it’s ok to not be around them. Do what makes you happy.

[@mauricepowers3804]

So beautiful Cathy!!! I do this as well. My AA friend told me to write an 'esteemable list everyday. On the list are things like, I ate a healthy breakfast, I took myself to a meeting, i spent time in nature, i meditated, i called friends and asked how they were doing...etc. Early in recovery I was told if I wanted self esteem I must do esteemable things. It's a worthwhile journey💖

[@caseyramey4911]

I’m telling child me that I am proud of her. She has accomplished much and, if she was a character in a novel, I would be rooting for her and impressed at how much she has grown from her experiences. Her anxiety and lack of self-esteem are rooted in a deep empathy and care for those around her. Now, her challenge is to apply that same empathy and care to herself.

[@jacquelinemcgowan8164]

Well said xxx

[@seame3795]

❤

[@soseconds6591]

Very powerful video. It took me 57 yrs to learn to love myself because I was taught all my life to do so was vain. One day I woke up and starting putting myself first and loving myself like I had others all my life. It totally transformed every aspect of my life for the better.

[@SandraOrtmann1976]

Dear Cathy, that is wonderful. A famous German author - Erich Kästner - made a saying I live by: "Only if grow up and remain a child - you are human." There is so much in this, not only self-esteem and trying to see the world anew every day, but to be kind to everybody - and to yourself. I may translate what you said into German for my husband. He got very ill last year with psychosis, and this might help him a lot. However, he does not speak English, so I will cut your video into short pieces so that it will become a little easier.

[@CathyHay]

Oh I love this Sandra, thank you! And I hope your husband gets some value from it too.

[@kristinafabianova7139]

Sometimes you are born with a self-esteem. I did not find any use in undermining myself, so i didn't do it. I treated myself and others equally.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Everyone is born with self-esteem. You were just lucky enough to not have had life and terrible people beat the self-esteem out of you as a vulnerable child. I don't even think you know how stupid you sound "I just decided to not undermine myself" . I bet you're one of those people who tell those with clinical depression to don't be depressed be happy instead and think it will cure their problems. Do you pat yourself on the back for just deciding not to have depression or anxiety or schizophrenia or any other mental illness too??? I bet you do.

[@bitonatorbitty2180]

I’ve never written a comment before in all the years I’ve watched KZbin because I’ve never wanted to be seen, I don’t like putting myself out there. I’ve always felt like I should hide away In life because I don’t think I’m strong or confident and capable, and that I would love to be invisible but live around other people still. But I don’t want to be like that anymore. You’re videos are lovely and inspiring and It’s time for a change. Thank you! Xx

[@mandylavida]

I have learned that I cannot control my behaviour and it is getting worse. I so want to change because it is making not just me but those around me very unhappy.

[@MiffoKarin]

I'm always a bit conflicted about the idea of going back and giving young me advice. Being told I have ADHD when I was a child would probably have done wonders for my mental health, but all my mistakes and decisions led me to where I am today, about to get married to the one I love. Surviving through all of it has given me enough self esteem to speak my mind and say no when I need to, but I'm still working on the "being proud of my abilities & accomplishments" part.

[@catsandcrafts171]

Crikey, Cathy, I'm balling my eyes out looking at YOUR child pictures, let alone my own.

[@tontonguetonksao3393]

Thank you for this video, truly. Your questions about how you treat your yourself as an adult is how you are treating your child self hit hard. Just looking at your photos of yourself as a child was enough to bring me to tears. I’m into ideas like re-parenting yourself, shadow and inner child work, but this exercise is unlike any I’ve ever seen before.

[@JonasBelgi]

I absolutely love this video, and find it extremely helpful. The funny thing for me is, I don't have to teach my childhood self anything about self-esteem. I had it on lock as a kid, and it wasn't until my early 30s that it started to dissipate. So in a way, my childhood self has so much to re-teach me about self-esteem. That being said, I absolutely want to love and protect and encourage my younger self, and I've never thought about it on those terms, so thank you so much for reframing this for me. I haven't cried this much in a long time, but they're happy tears. Love you, Cathy!

[@jennybrockartist]

I would tell my teen self that she should not base her self-worth on the opinions of the [limited] number of peers she has met so far in life. She was only just at the beginning, and had not found like-minded people yet, or true friends. I would tell her that those people will come into her life in the near future, and not to worry about the present because soon it won't matter! She doesn't need to change anything about herself, because soon people will value her as a person just as she is.

[@janis6363]

Respect yourself. Set boundaries with others about what is acceptable to you as a person. These boundaries are set by your regard for yourself. Your value is defined by the nuturing and respect you received as a child within your family or peer group. It's not always something you can control. You'll always wonder why you weren't loved when you needed it. Mom is gone, Grandma is gone. They are all gone. Redine your neediness.

[@saraseydak3696]

I wrote on a paper "Be kind to yourself" and put it behind the mirror several years ago when I gave up and almost end it all. I think it is the only mirror I like.

[@cliffp.8396]

Wise advice. As I've aged I've learned to always be kind to children. They won't be children for long and they will remember those who gave them love, kindness and gentleness.

[@calicolyon]

Literally started to cry before you said it was going to be emotional.

[@aurifulgore]

When I feel gross in my clothes, in certain situations, etc etc, I try my best to refocus onto something that DOES reinforce my own value. Putting on clothing I feel comfortable and confident in. Reminding myself of situations where I shined or made me laugh. I have a folder of old texts, random memes and images, and tag on my Tumblr of pick me ups and a playlist of pick me ups KZbin. Slowly these things can help train your brain to look a little bit more positively at yourself, your work, your words... Making mistakes are not bad. It's how we learn. It's even harder when we are making something. Remind your criticism to meet you where you are at, not from the finish line where you want to be. Remember you can look back in 6 months, a year, 5 years, and see how far you've come. You'll be prouder than you realize. Take it easy, love yourself, and don't forget to find something that makes you smile every day. We deserve to treat ourselves well.

[@fluffydragon84]

I don't like who I was as a child. I'm a better person now than I ever was, or would be based on my original trajectory. At best, I'd go back and tell my parents I don't have a relationship with them today, because of how absent they were emotionally when I was little.

[@TudorositiesbyMaureen]

I took a job that required me to be confident and sell an idealized image of myself to other people. In order to do the job effectively, I made a mask "a persona" of who I wanted to present in that job. Which was exhausting and I only had the job for nine months till I moved on to other employment. That mask was more of what I wanted to be and not who I was at the time. Having been raised by a Narcissistic parent with Enabling parent gave me no self-worth or self-esteem, as they ruled by power and not by love. In my 20's I had to learn to love myself along with discover who I was as an adult person. It took me most of that 10 years and lots of therapy to be able to say honestly, I love myself and am proud of who I am. It's possible to come from nothing and make something of your life. I look back at my 20-year-old self and think if I knew then what I know not at almost 40, it was worth the journey.

[@gamemasterandr5327]

No one other then yourself can help your Self-Esteem. The others will want you to loose it so then can abuse you. You are valuable, not just your friend, you are too. Write down things that you know are good about you. Things that you are proud. You will make mistake for sure, but you will learn from them and become stronger. Good people will see it too! You are valuable you are good and you can do it! 💛

[@chrysanthemum8233]

My sister's advice for monitoring your self talk: if someone said that about your best friend, would you nod along in agreement or would you get very angry in your friend's defense? Don't let you talk about yourself in a way you wouldn't let some rando talk about your friends.

[@KristinaHoneyHavenFarm]

I have seen a similar statement before. I still have difficulty actually applying it. Was there something that helped you apply it to yourself?

[@MissHoyden]

I grew up convinced that I could do pretty much anything. I still feel that way. I know intellectually that there are things I can’t do, and I’ve messed up quite a lot at other things. Even so, I remain convinced that very little is beyond me. Failures surprise me, but they don’t break me. And I think that this feeling- I can learn anything, I can do it too- stems from an childhood sense of wonder and love. So I’d tell my childhood self to try things and learn how to do them, because that’s what formed me as the brave and kind person I am now.

[@elizabetha8373]

I mentor middle school girls and this made me think of all the ways I tell them to value their selves, but I may not be valuing myself enough. I'll be finding a picture of 12 year old me to place on my desk as a reminder of what she needs to hear. Thanks Cathy.

[@susancampanelli4245]

Hi Kathy, I’ve been following your channel for about a year and a half. Today’s video really touched a chord for me. I didn’t know that I needed to know what you had to say today, it was brilliant! I am not sure what career path you had before you became a seamstress but lately I’ve been wondering if you’re some kind of a therapist? You are so kind and thoughtful. The amount of empathy you are able to deliver over the Internet is pretty incredible. I will remember today’s gift from you for a long time, thank you.

[@Kittyscrazyfurrmusic]

Cathy, thank you! For doing what needs doing! I was overcome by emotions again while watching you talk so lovingly about this important exercise! I'm in my 12th year actively working on my mental health. I work with my inner child a lot since I know how important it is. I've built myself a cozy room I'm my mind with a meditation technique where I can spend quality time with my child self. I've even built it in the Sims 😅 I've done the exercise with the pictures and I've even had a picture of myself as a background on my cellphone for a long time. I was angry at myself for a long time because I thought I've been at fault for all the bad things that made me who I am today! I know now that it's only my responsibility to react accordingly to what I'm experiencing, what has happened in my past is not my fault. I've come a long way from despising myself to being a trusted friend of myself, it took time, therapy and strength but I'm here now! I believe everyone can become their own good friend, selfworth and self-love are something you are responsible to learn yourself and although it's tough as nails I believe in you! We are in this together!

[@williamhenshaw4838]

Take care of yourself by knowing you are valuable

[@burningdiamond]

Thank you Cathy. This is so important. I wuld neer in a million years treat another person the way I treat myself. I would never be as harsh or judgemental, demand as much from, or speak su venomously to. I am making a concious effort these days to stop myself and ask "If this had been my friend, my sister, my coworker, what would you say/do?" That really helps.

[@KateDanvers00]

I would tell her not to let anyone else make her choices for her. To live her own life. And that she is far more capable and independent than she knows.

[@tonilou]

Sometimes I feel like I have given up on myself. And I hold myself to such high standards that I feel like others expect from me but in reality they don't. Just like I don't expect that from others. But I still have these impossible to fulfill expectations of myself and when I inevitably fail I feel really worthless.

[@teresavalliere2888]

You are a good teacher and friend to share your inner thoughts and how you worked it out to find you inner child. I worked on companion and the statement "what would a person who loved themselves do?" As a way to move forward and to help myself and family and friends to then find my happiness.

[@Twilightwitchery]

I'm always leaking a little after your videos, yet I'm always eagerly awaiting the next. I adore this idea, thank you. As a parent, I'm aware it will be hard and I'll make mistakes, but taking the perspective of parenting my inner child I think will help me but also help my kiddo now, if he can watch me doing it hopefully a little will rub off on him too. I would start by simply encouraging myself to explore, be curious, and make mistakes without fear.

[@Sonia-cb8dj]

I didn't even try the exercise yet, but just looking at your pictures makes me emotional. This seems like a method I could really connect with. Thank you for sharing it!

[@melbyrom8945]

Relating to your previous comments on your voice, you spoke in a clear powerful way....until the photos came out and only then did the voice become sotto voce. One hopes that child of whom you speak had a voice...and one loud enough to be taken note of. I am glad your current voice is powerful enough to share with us.

[@dafluffernut]

It’s odd, it is easier to be kind to others and forgive their mistakes than it is to do the same to ourselves. Now I need to start working on my own mind.

[@KG-gg8rl]

I don't like to think of myself as a child. Instead I think of me now and the things I can do to protect myself, the things that have happened that have been times of growth and change. Times of hard work and happiness. "I didn't have the skills then that I do now - but I did the best I could at the time and that *has* to be good enough".

[@sallyfishburnsusannahmorlo6043]

I would say "don't be concerned about other people's opinion of you" and "be brave - don't be afraid". Thank you this video, Cathy ❤

[@kikithedisneyfan5607]

Thank you so much for this!!! I have been dealing with letting others opinions get to me and I needed to hear this, I’m so glad I stumbled upon this comment! I will definitely gather up the courage and try something new. 😊😊😊😊

[@christineholbrook1107]

You were such an adorable child . You grew up to be a beautiful person . Thankyou for this video. I've struggled at times with depression, thankfully I'm in a happy place now , but I'm 68 . It's taken a long time . I've learned to value me , then I can value and love other people because I'm happy. I want other people to feel good about themselves and happy . I also find it easy to make friends.Thankyou many times over for all you do . You are a very special person and it shows . 😍

[@TheSuzberry]

Look at your friends. Are they thoughtful, kind, smart? They reflect who you are.

[@nicolawebb6025]

I find your videos very helpful, but they often make me cry because I recognise so much of my struggle in what you say

[@purplealice]

Who knows my flaws and mistakes and character defects any better than I do? I have the responsibility to mend any flaw I find in myself, and some of them don't seem to be correctable.

[@AlishaN-yh5nf]

What I would teach my self is that she can't trust her family or thows she held close she was better to tern her back on them and to stay in the house she was in and lock everyone elss out and stay close to the suport groops she had insted of everything going theway it had!

[@DebiSmithPouliot]

I try to remember to say my "I ams" in the morning. I am strong, I am wise, I am worthy, etc. We do so much negative self-talk that we need to reverse those thoughts.

[@samanthasolveson625]

I was told growing up too strengthened my self esteem ( work on loving my self) , but when I felt good about my self I was then told not to be proud and vain .

[@charlessoutherton8946]

same I was told to stop being attention seeking when I wasn't or to shut up when I laughed. when I was trying to be funny people would purposely not laugh as if they were about to tell me off for saying something that they considered rude then hours/days later they'd be telling the same joke in the same group of friends with me "not present" and yet they would laugh there heads of for 10 mins. if I was emotional I was told to get over myself and buck up and yet those same people expected me to show sympathy to them and if I didn't or chose not to they called me out for being "heartless" and have a full on go at me sometimes for not giving them attention. funny how irony plays out sometime isn't it yet tyrants are too blind to see their own undoing

[@marycoffin642]

Thank you! This is valuable advice. I've made a point of telling my daughter and grandchildren 'I love you, I like you, and I'm proud of you.' It might be time to try that on myself.

[@totesFleisch]

This made me cry. It made me think of the child in me and what I would say and it made me cry. I would tell that child "people in this world are going to try so hard to hurt you, and sometimes theyre going to succeed but, its not because of who you are, its because of the way they are. Never stop shinning and never let anyone stand in your way of getting what you deserve. This is your world too and you deserve as much as anyone else". Thank you for posting this video. Ive been having some really rough few days.

[@dagnolia6004]

had to rewatch this because i was so distracted by how BEAUTIFUL that toddler was/IS. thank you for this amazing video

[@ashley-cz1sl]

One of the ways I have tried to better myself is by cutting off all the toxic people I had in my life. I had a friend and her husband who were just completely toxic. She would always find a way to cut me down or make me feel horrible about my actions or what I was doing. We ended up getting into a major fight while we were planning our friend's baby shower right before the pandemic hit. I just stopped talking to her. I deleted her from all social media and blocked her too. Love your videos about self-care. I have learned a lot from your sewing and different ways to help improve myself and the people around me.

[@marievenezia6987]

I think the biggest thing we lose as we grow up is innocense. We become jaded with experience about life. Find that sense of innocense about everything you are and do again. Maybe that value of that child will spring back.

[@briarwoodimp]

I've done similar work in the past with this idea, but I'm at a pivot point for my business and I know I have often treated myself the way one of my parents did, which was to get me started on something creative and then not follow through, or worse, to suddenly turn on me and challenge my right to expect to do whatever the thing was ("blah, blah, wasting time...blah, blah, hard earned money...blah, blah...selfish and irresponsible"). I have been struggling to not have that happen again, tiptoeing around the gremlins, which wastes a ton of time and energy, but I think you have just given me a very useful tool! Luckily, my current business venture has a very playful, rooted-in-my-childhood-preferences nature and I can see where taping up childhood photos throughout the studio can easily trigger the kind of delighted self help that I'd have liked to have gotten when I was young. Feeling bubbly joy just imagining taking my childhood self by the hand and saying "yes" to every big, imaginative, happy idea. Thank you.

[@ivorydabean1479]

I think if I had a chance to parent me, I would wish I could show my child that I'm happy they exist and that regardless of all their issues I still want to spend my time with them. I can't stop feeling like I am a mistake, someone who never should have been born. I have this paranoia that I'm secretly a bad person who is so good at lying that they have fooled themselves and everyone around them. I'm constantly trying to be helpful and kind to try to outdo all the bad I perceive. Every single little mistake or accident seems like a death sentence. I'm trying so hard go take care of myself and not hate myself but I always default to such deep hatred that it's incredibly difficult to try to think otherwise. I'm sorry for the rant, I've been deeply struggling with severe mental health issues and this video just hit home.

[@kattybob1749]

I don't look at photos of myself or family. I find there is to much emotion involved in remembering the hardships of growing up. A loving family. but my parents also had the normal issues of money, feeding us etc. We (I) as kids (siblings) did not fully appreciate all the struggles that came with the times, and the fact our parents probably needed time out from the harshness of day to day living. I feel guilt I was blind to things, so pictures make me sad and angry, and I know (since both parents are dead) I can't help them money wise or gift them a holiday (they only ever had one which was a weekend for their honeymoon. My advice to my younger self would be hug your parents more, help around the house enjoy them while you can. On a practical level take up karate, save, trust a few people, enjoy life, travel, have a hobby (passion) and trust your inner self and be ok not being with someone, you do not need to be with the first one to pay attention. Thank you for these deep and uplifting videos.

[@ClaudiaHunt]

Oh Gosh I have so many tears! Thank you... I watch your videos very often. I have no new ideas but just wanted to thank you for this. I really needed to hear it. Love from Australia. ❤

[@FlagCutie]

This is lovely advice! And baby Cathy is absolutely precious!

[@Skirt553]

You are so much more than what other people say about you. Being kind, even when they choose not to, is the greatest strength you have, not how "resilient" you are, not how "tough" you are, not how "badass" you are. Your kindness is your biggest strength. It's okay if you're having trouble with schoolwork, with understanding things like algebra or are bored out of your mind in most of your classes. In the long haul, none of those will matter. Keep drawing, keep creating, keep playing pretend, keep doing the things you love to do. Those are the things that matter, because they're how you feed your soul, and how you'll find the people in your life who really matter. And your kind heart is what will show through the most. At the end of the day, what matters is if you were kind to yourself and to others.

[@nancyhouston3452]

In native American beliefs, only the Great Spirit is perfect. Flaws and mistakes are viewed as part.of the wonderous gift of being human. I can see at least one mistake in each beaded piece Ive done. I stop and smile and remember to embrace my imperfections.

[@lindagates9150]

I for years thought that I could have been a better daughter, sister, Mum, granddaughter. Niece, friend . Now that I am a grandmother I turned that stinking thinking around the numbers 518 have a personal significance I see that series of numbers multiple times a day because of the type of work I do. Plus the times I have looked at a clock, a mobile phone or my tablet at just the right moment is astonishing. Each time I do see 518 I remember with gratitude the love I received and gave in the past , I am thankful for the love I receive and give today and I look forward to receiving and giving love in the future. 🍀🌟🥳🌟🍀😘💞💕💞👍👍👍💝🖖🖖🖖🍀🌟🙋🏼‍♀️🌟🍀

[@mele4827]

"How you treat yourself is how you treat this child. Are you protective? Are you abusive?" I've been struggling with this question for years, how to build self esteem and self-worth.

[@Fern_Tull]

none of my "friends" loved me as a kid. I take it as my job to love the parts of me they wouldn't because nothing is wrong with me and that kid(me) deserved as much love as everyone else

[@fabscoto]

Mrs. Hay, those pictures are adorable, thank you so much for sharing them with us! ❤️

[@esthervonepp8908]

I agree with you..perhaps I am one of the lucky ones..I have always felt I was able to accomplish what I set out to do. I didnt receive a lot of accolades tho my Mother was supportive. For me its my rebellious nature, a strong sense of right and wrong and the fight within..ability to feel empathy for others and strength to be the best I can,,from there I developed my sense of worth and strength...OH and I dont allow people to intimidate or belittle me..the rebellion is loud and clear. John Bradshaw wrote a wonderful book about the inner child..worth a read by people who suffer low self esteem..I read it to understand certain reasons for my struggles with a difficult home life

[@angelanice]

I did this several years ago, not with the pictures, but just the realization of talking to myself as if I was talking to my 11 year old self. I have a couple of points of self esteem to work on still but I have come so far and it started with this hack ❤

[@CavySong]

You’ve found your voice and it is beautiful to really hear YOU!

[@agi2711]

Just this morning I talked to a young woman and asked her to self-evaluate for diagnostic reasons. She then told me that she doesn't allow herself to talk good about herself - because that would get close to vanity. This is a neverending story coaching people, Thank you for giving me some words I'd like to use (additionaly to those I always use, because the topic of self-esteem is the point, why I really, really like helping people developing themselves.

[@brianadixon8995]

I would tell myself to not hide your true passions, not to please these people you call freinds but are not. If you have to change yourself or hide your love to be with them, they are not freinds. Enjoy your passions while you wait for your tribe, they do exist and they will love you in all your quirky glory. Growing up I pretended to not like things like comic books, sci-fi, anything deamed nerd or for "boys". I also hid how much I LOVED historical fashions and despised current fashions. All in the name of having "freinds" or people to hang out with. I really wish I hadn't done that, none of those people were freinds. They were cruel and backstabbing.

[@KathleenStidham]

Again, something I needed, as I dread heading back into the classroom again this school year - anxiety, and thus self-doubt, is very high as I anticipate the coming school after what was very honestly the hardest teaching year I ever had last year with families questioning me nearly every day (for many reasons by I know a lot of it was their own anxiety at children not doing as well the previous year...). I needed this. Yes. I AM still deserving of love and compassion. Thank you.

[@creative2716]

Thank you, Cathy. You have a real zest for helping others. I would say, it's okay - you are a child and will make mistakes and have small accidents but they are not done on purpose. Forgive yourself. Laugh and be a child. You are a lovely person. Don't listen to negative ppl. You ARE enough! Go have fun, make friends, don't hide from life. I love you. Remember to do good things for yourself AND for others.

[@insanityisorange8659]

I think I would teach them they are enough. Not to worry about what other people think or do. Just to be enough for themselves.

[@kayallen7603]

There's a degree of difference between self-esteem and vanity. If one has self-esteem, one cannot be vain. Likewise, if one has self-esteem, one ceases being diffident or shy. My understanding is that it's how one views other people with regards toward yourself. The vain see themselves as entirely better than all others while the diffident/shy see themselves as entirely lesser than all others. I aim for "The Queen, who just might wink at you." aka dignified with a bit of mischief in the offing. (By tucking children into one's life, playing and working with children, being with them as they learn and navigate through the world - and gradually letting them range out of reach as they grow, asking them what they think, how they feel, and why the decided x rather than z - while being there in case of skinned knees and bruised hearts - you encourage their self-esteem. Celebrate their successes and tell them you are proud, happy, and love them to encourage belief in themselves.) Everyone wins and loses, and we all have given way to temporary foolishness - but that's part of the charm of being human. Laugh and accept yourself then 'go out and play'.

[@Besyatka]

Crying so freaking hard

[@adrianburrell6217]

Oh that part of me got squashed since age 5 until about 21. The undoing of that is a still ongoing process at age 64. The actions of others along the way after 21 pushed many years of repair sideways. There are no photos of me that young, they got destroyed in a move. As for what I would tell myself then... At this point, if I could, RUN! fast, far, go!

[@jeanjacobs9965]

Greetings Cathy! Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. I truly appreciate your videos on these subjects of inner worth and beauty. Love and blessings ♥️🙏

[@cydfoley8634]

One of the constant things I have running through my head is my mom telling me I was conceited and selfish whenever I stood up for myself or asked for what I earned, or was just as strong and outgoing and active as any of the boy children I grew up with. I have been trying to unwrite that programing for decades but I can't seem to find all the code!! LOL Even today women in the corporate world are asked both upfront and subversively, to look after others before themselves and be thought as not 'ladylike' when they want to get what their male counterparts want. These days I am dealing with my parents in their declining years and I have to put away my still boiling anger at my mother for doing this to me. Any help I can find that truly helps me, will help me help her. As I am sure she has her own traumas from growing up female that taught her to teach me that way. This is something I can do, but also I can sit with my parents and go through old photos of me and them. Help with memory and help everyone heal. Thank you so much for this video.

[@BYBabbra]

Well I have learnt to be comfortable in my own mind but it has taken half a century. What I have learnt is to know who I am and it does not matter if others have negative opinions of me as they don't know me. This in its self has helped me to find friends who I can connect with positively. I don't have any photos of me until I was about 25 so I think about what I do now and realize that I have always done those things, so if the young me was happy with who I was and what I did then adult me is happy. P.S. love the dress Cathy, the colour is just amazing.

[@marthag90]

Thank you Cathy, it is the first time I hear about this exercise and it is worth the effort if that allows me to not treat myself so harshly. ❤️