Celebrity Home Invasions & Costco | The Tim Dillon Show

[@byronedwards8157]

“I’m sorry that happened to you in the Ukraine… but I need my pool done.” 😂😂😂

[@othernamesweretaken1871]

Very reasonable.

[@ashleybanks-wm4cg]

"Why don't you run from Russians like you ran away from our June 1st deadline"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣that topk me out!

[@SickTroll]

We wish them well

[@mataranado]

😂😂😂😂

[@t.w.7731]

The mental image of Tim in a pool is slightly nauseating. Does he not have any shame?

[@TheNamesDimitri]

Weekly reminder that Timmy needs his own radio station on GTA6

[@MrBuketman]

Played on the loudspeaker at Wal-Mart and Target

[@theglobal-hub4131]

FR

[@squigglesmcjr199]

This man deserves a cameo

[@andrewhardy2635]

This mans dedication is unmatched... UNMATCHED I SAY!

[@lancecabaniss8591]

I hate this comment and I wish adults watched this show

[@Bike-pq2rx]

My favorite stories are the unrelatable ones. Keep the hampton pool type stories coming

[@MeekersMadhouse]

Who are you kidding Tim if Seinfeld hit you, you'd call MORGAN & MORGAN

[@tommaloney1942]

Missed opportunity for a perfect ad promo 😂

[@camhendry4501]

😂😂😂

[@deigamohamed707]

Perfect 😂😂😂

[@mangowhorideswithchicken7720]

10/10

[@EricSanchez-jq5sc]

I was left in a car for eight hours in the sun with dark color clothing on meth with no water on soda.Theft left rott

[@HistoryIsDead]

Tim is the last bastion of free journalism.

[@MistahJigglah]

If Tim went actual unfiltered, it would be his last video on a "G" platform.

[@bumwog]

Not even close lol

[@rogaru]

The only real podcast left

[@BrennanLDaly]

so sad that you think this is journalism

[@mataranado]

💯💯💯💯

[@mcawesomest1]

Tim’s weekly State Of the Nation addresses are top notch!

[@taniabluebell3099]

Tim in top form! He’s even better live.

[@deigamohamed707]

💯👏🏾

[@AncientSlugThrower]

Tim didn't even shit his pants. Dillon for President 2024!

[@SickTroll]

Blessed be Timothy

[@gijoey5912]

I enjoy driving around my city listening to TD at full volume with my windows down to gauge people’s reactions.

[@j-fo4753]

Please film that😅...the looks!

[@Jdowling357]

Please do it with the windows up, at a gas station, volume so high it's distorted as shit, while you spend 20 minutes inside the store paying for a lot of individual items as you remember them. People behind you are furious as the cashier asks you "is that all?" . You say yes. Pause for a few moments, and remember that pack of swishers you meant to get, too, as people behind you let out a synchronized exhale.....

[@Based808]

I’d give you a thumb’s up.

[@iB_pOpN]

@@Jdowling357Timmy D’s gas station short stories written by J.K. Dowling.

[@joannabreaks435]

I turn it down when in drive thrus to avoid spittle in my buns

[@rhino202]

Auntie Tim's Fireside Chats absolutely slap every time

[@SickTroll]

King shit

[@fredocuomo5386]

auntie tims fireside chats should be a tshirt

[@adammoore4332]

“Auntie Tim”!?!? 😂😂😂

[@rhino202]

@@fredocuomo5386 I would gladly make a bunch and give Tim $5 for every $500k sold

[@Christ.t]

Best Comedian Yes or Yes

[@KingFinkyStingers]

We wish him well..

[@ForrestRooney]

Anyone else is Naught Geeeewd!

[@kiriakosmelissinas81]

Theo and tim goats !

[@mattlombardi54]

🎉

[@Pozativ1]

Best gay comedian

[@CrackerBarrelKid551]

This episode was hilarious. Him saying he would mouth "Im sorry" had me in tears. Its one of my favorite episodes in the past 2 years or so

[@mmastoryline623]

Oh were so back

[@SixtyEightnOyouOne]

“Why did you run away from Russia the way you’re running away from our June 1st deadline?” 🤣😂😂😂😆😆🤣😆😆🤣🤣🤣🤣😆

[@kaecake9575]

6:07 read that at the right time

[@diamonddiet]

You're so honest, "I wouldn't hit back because I respect success."

[@EricSanchez-jq5sc]

I was left in a car for eight hours in the sun with dark color clothing on meth with no water on soda.Theft left rott

[@Thehuntress404]

The girl holding up the starlink about to ruin their whole civilization with a smile is made perfect by her wearing a Harvard t-shirt

[@Lex-wx3ib]

....in her other anti-depressants and a free Palestine placard

[@manuelluna6454]

​@@Lex-wx3ib lol did you know the stats for Republican wives on pain killers or anti depressants? I was actually shocked by the numbers.

[@ToneWoN]

​​@@manuelluna6454same for Democrats 😂 they are all drugged up. Nothing new here. Where did you get that study at I want to look at it.

[@aceshigh356]

@@manuelluna6454 Hey giggles. No , we don't know the stats and neither do you dummy

[@fredocuomo5386]

​@@manuelluna6454turns out both sides are drug addicts

[@BillyPLilly]

Tim is one of a kind... No guest, hour long rant, satire so thick you couldn't cut it with B12, the cold open rolls itself into a ball but the deadpan cold closing is the cherry on top, a processed Styrofoam cherry in your colon Shirley temple garnish, that's a chef's kiss

[@saintdominicreview]

"A Chef's Kiss" is what Morbidly Obese BummBoy Tim Dillon calls his nightly Tanqueray & Turpintine enema...

[@ShaneMclane-PrivateEye]

The "uncontacted" tribesman is wearing boardshorts from walmart, a flat brim hat, and has a beer gut and love handles. I'd say this tribe has had contact for awhile.

[@41tl]

Exactly. Anybody with excess body fat and factory made clothes is not living as some kind of primeval hunter gatherer in an uncontacted Amazon rainforest paradise.

[@cx2900]

they had smartphones and shit before, but starlink seems to be their first time with high speed internet, which does make a difference

[@billyjean5934]

​@@cx2900we wish them well

[@stonygato236]

But a dishonest jest

[@blindthrall]

The mystique of the Masai (African Amish) was ruined when I saw one whip a smartphone out of his tunic.

[@ether725]

Tim Dillon GTA 6 radio station button ~~~~~~~~>

[@Yourmom48602]

I'm km their all day

[@darthbiscuit]

Tim Dillon playing in the background as I'm nearing 5 stars is my new peak GTA experience. I'd rise to the top with the power of beachfront real estate

[@josef2012]

1v1 Knife Fights in FakeBiz Arena​@@darthbiscuit

[@ChaZ-cp6qw]

Stop. Please. It's really obnoxious and cringeworthy to keep talking about that

[@AJohnSmith]

@@ChaZ-cp6qwGo back to the CHAZ, Chaz Bono. Sick weirdo.

[@henryktn]

i listen to Tim Dillon while sleeping, doing chores, playing video games, driving

[@wraithstrongopark]

i wish he could still do coke, i'd bet he was a fucking hoot.

[@mikepalmieri4989]

Nothing like an angry fat gay guy to put you in the zone

[@EvilMonkey7818]

Almost always it's when I'm making dinner. I guess I won't be hearing him anymore once I get on dat dere Ozempic and stop shopping at Costco.

[@dalkurd1]

I suffer from chronic depression & anxiety, so there isn’t much in life I look forward too, always look forward to Tims podcast though. Stockholm, Sweden 🇸🇪

[@raydawg6364]

Exercise, read, look inward(ha) . You got this brother.. much love from Indiana. Keep your damn head up

[@dalkurd1]

@@raydawg6364 Love reading comments like this one ♥️

[@stephaniechambell1493]

I’m about to go workout while listening to this. Then wine and pizza for dinner. Sending a hug from USA 🤗

[@dalkurd1]

@@stephaniechambell1493 Living in America 🎶 ❤️

[@michaelregan427]

You live in Sweden? I suggest you check out hiking trails there. World class stuff and hiking/fitness cured most of my issues.

[@timandrews7739]

“Get in the car and drive away.” Words to live by in these crazy times.

[@deigamohamed707]

💯

[@trae3290]

The Costco rant is one for the ages. Tim Dillon bullied me into canceling my Costco membership and going to shop at local farms

[@johntrill1227]

Listening to this whole cleaning the bakery at Costco 😂

[@cheardd]

The vibe of the back drop is un-matched

[@infotainmentstation2487]

I like to put casino ambience in the background of Tim's videos and pretend he's a random guy telling me all this at a blackjack table.

[@justins3847]

I went to summer camp with John Tucker. Was in the same cabin. He is a great example of chivalry. When my little sister was cold he gave her his own sweat shirt, off his back. 30 years later she is still thankful.

[@Mumbabumba12]

Just wrote my 4th step listening to Tim. In essence he’s my sponsor

[@kevinknox2950]

Rogan has opened my eyes to so many funny people. Timmy D is brilliant. Just chewing up an hour or so on his own and doesn't miss a beat. Bravo sir

[@Worldinternationaltradesystem]

Tim: (Shuffles papers for no reason)

[@ExecutiveZombie]

It’s so Anchorman 🎬

[@magicpowers]

It's an Alex Jones tribute.

[@5after4am]

Dennis Miller did it on SNL Weekend Update a million years ago.

[@magicpowers]

@@5after4am heck I think I saw Walter Cronkite do it, too.

[@blindthrall]

​@@magicpowersHE HAS THE DOCUMENTS

[@yasser_ayed]

I'm not American, Why am i amused and can relate to all these Rants? Tim is a GOAT

[@cecilyerker]

American is an attitude, it’s a state of mind 😂

[@blindthrall]

Because love has no borders.

[@garyny4073]

Are u Muslim Yasser? Are u here to harm us ? 😮

[@yasser_ayed]

@@garyny4073 Yes and I'm here to Charm you 😎

[@yasser_ayed]

@@garyny4073 YES and I'm here to Charm you 🤗

[@grammcourse]

That transition to the Blue Chew Ad was flawless

[@alexfloridarican9534]

The high pitch peepee killed lol

[@searabeara5328]

I thought tim had a can of tuna on his desk and I thought it made sense... Then i realized it was the label on the water bottle 😂

[@BoxheadHakx]

I can see it.

[@vdudya]

😂

[@searabeara5328]

The fact that I accepted it naturally 😅

[@cecilyerker]

I see the vision

[@missriss_xoxo]

“I see a black guy going in a house in California, I say I hope he was invited because he staying”

[@stephaniechambell1493]

First time I ever turned on notifications for a show, nothing shows up 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Love ya Tim 😘

[@DaveTookOver]

Kaitlyn Clark is the Jackie Robinson of the wnba

[@EvilMonkey7818]

I was thinking this during the podcast. "Oh you guys are upset? Welcome to being a backwards white guy mid 20th century." Yeah those guys you think were evil, go find a mirror.

[@streamingwithjoe]

An expanded mind can never shrink. That native tribe will never be the same again. 😂

[@galaxyspace76]

they will be memeing by this time next year 😅

[@EvilMonkey7818]

@@galaxyspace76 Video memes for the tongue noises?

[@blindthrall]

The Internet is officially more devastating than the Toba event.

[@tonygibson5171]

“Welcome to Costco, I love you”

[@DennisMoore664]

"I know this place pretty good - I went to law school here"

[@itstrbo]

​@@DennisMoore664classic lol

[@EvilMonkey7818]

The best place to stock up on plenty of Brawndo.

[@nathanpitek3177]

Our lord and savior has returned, all hail the most famous lesbian woman of color, Timothy Dillon

[@doorshotel]

Top comment! Hahaha

[@faustorashadi8641]

Heheyhey, GET THE FUCK out of my office… ok? How bout you get the fuck out of my office, ok?

[@DiamondBeetle]

This is where I get my news these days

[@jopo7996]

Everything you need for a celebrity home invasion is available at Costco. Unfortunately, when you leave Costco with a shed, barbecue, and 4 kayaks, you're already down $3000.

[@ms-jl6dl]

But you don't have to pay,just be black.

[@ginnygin7141]

And your trunk is already full so you cant steal very much

[@Chosteph15]

Thank you Tim for blessing my hangover

[@hahaha123]

The best podcast in the world.

[@pjmitchellproductions]

Timmy D. is my new favorite comedian - so hilarious!

[@Misinformed_lol]

For me Kurt Metzger and TD

[@tommaloney1942]

Tap into his older episodes😂 they’re much more wild

[@cameronplaysdrums8262]

This the only podcast where I don’t skip the add reads

[@HeidariReacts]

The Best Podcast, Yes or Yes?

[@Sippy_Cupper]

Loved the rant that started around the 1 hour mark

[@Jonathanismyname]

Tim thinks the tribe was “uncontacted”. Tribe: wearing t shirts and shorts from Target circa early 2000’s

[@maskedasmr4992]

The re stacking of his papers every 7 minutes cracks me up 😂😂 he does it with such vigor

[@xitaris5981]

Timmy talking about a 3 hour shopping trip like that's long is so precious! Growing up, my mom took me on 6-8 hr grocery shopping trips several times. To be fair, I'm the youngest of 10 kids and we were poor, so she had to buy carefully and in bulk.

[@Swalley311]

the home invasion seg is gold.

[@fortusvictus8297]

I hope every cop Tim ever has for security is a female officer. The comedic value far outweighs any risk to Tim or the officers.

[@jorgespinha]

Gold ! Pure gold

[@xitaris5981]

Nothing outweighs Tim! ...I mean Tim's security of course... 😏

[@5after4am]

Tim is an overweight gay man , his security detail will consist of sharpshooting young twinks .

[@a1derrick957]

Smoke a blunt to this 💯

[@continuum5180]

Finally not being dependent on weed to this (& is a high in itself)😮lol just sayin;)

[@Based808]

@@continuum5180same

[@Based808]

@@continuum5180keep up the good sobriety🎉

[@BillyDHughesDrums]

Ooh yall are so cool and in control ​@@continuum5180

[@H.P.Warcraft]

Rolling one now

[@braxtaxdaplug3245]

I’m listening to this on my car speakers at Costco loading my pallet size thing of chips in my trunk and I suddenly hear Tim start talking mad shit about Costco and I just start looking around at everyone 😭😂😂

[@4thOfJulyMamasApplePie]

He thinks Costco is Walmart, and I’m personally offended

[@EvilMonkey7818]

Tim Dillon + Bridget Phetasy on a Sunday. Magnificent.

[@chrisabreu5589]

😂 The bit about the LA home invasion, my goodness!!

[@taniabluebell3099]

I’m at Chicago O’Hare airport. Just passed Lori Lightfoot as I approached my gate. She made direct eye contact with me. lol She was walking with plain clothed security detail (one man). I miss the days when Tim talked about Lori. She gave such good material to work with!

[@ExecutiveZombie]

Did you go find a Priest thereafter to be bathed and baptized in Holy Water again? 😇

[@taniabluebell3099]

I have her a disapproving glare She’s much shorter in person

[@j-fo4753]

At O'hare now...that was Wanda Sykes. Put on your glasses 👓😅🕶

[@taniabluebell3099]

dude I “love” getting trolled. That was Lori. Wanda looks completely different.

[@tarawhite986]

@taniabluebell3099 I miss those jokes as well. Do you remember all of the cardboard cutouts of Lightfoot that Chicago businesses put up? 😆

[@jorgespinha]

Always top quality even when I disagree with him about Ukraine and Israel. I love Tim so much that I put the podcast on on the way to school so that my 15 and 13 year olds listen to him. They learn more with Tim than in the Catholic private School We’ve put them so they only meet the rif raf when they will need their pools cleaned

[@WJHDetroit]

That cactus is phallic.

[@stevengrabo]

Indeed

[@watchingitallhere]

That's why he got it.

[@BaldHeadedManc]

It's a piece of the cactus he broke at the lesbos house

[@EricSanchez-jq5sc]

I was left in a car for eight hours in the sun with dark color clothing on meth with no water on soda.Theft left rott

[@blindthrall]

So's your mom.

[@missriss_xoxo]

“This guy will be Kyle Rittenhouse in an hour” 😂😂😂

[@Rayofsunshine86]

I get such a kick when the guys in the back laugh at Tim's jokes!

[@danieltyler4023]

My edibles kicked in about halfway through and I got lost in the reflection of Tim's sunglasses for about 15 minutes.

[@stephen3322]

Tim is a breath of fresh air- I love him

[@thewheelsonthelabus]

Tim dillon is my weekly church session

[@unclereub4024]

he really did fill that niche that uncle joey left, now we have aunt tim

[@johndhaskell]

new background makes tim looks like a beached merman chatting it up

[@NickMak-m2c]

thats a good observation john haskell lol

[@blindthrall]

He's more of a manatee.

[@isaaceustice2192]

Tim Dillon is the Diogenes of our time

[@sirg-had8821]

Truly

[@cecilyerker]

This assessment is spot on except Tim is rich and has expensive sunglasses and wears Ralph Lauren Polo, therefore he’s better

[@blindthrall]

​@@cecilyerkerBut Diogenes had a chicken.

[@caleighhraee]

Tim is cynical but in a fun way 🤗

[@Skarface.o]

Haven’t watched a ep in a hot minute because all the quality ones were on patron but this one was hilarious and on point 💯😂

[@DennisMoore664]

In a fight between Tim Dillon and Jerry Seinfeld my money is on Tim every time.

[@ashleybanks-wm4cg]

Jerry has that Manhattan neighborhood fight tactics Tim has that childhood trauma rage common in long Island

[@itstrbo]

Manhattan vs. Long Island...

[@jorgespinha]

Jerry is very fit and Tim looks like a marshmallow with legs. He isn’t a healthy man. …unfortunately 😢

[@thedeejm5032]

The cockinball cactus looks strong today. 👍

[@9SeSe9]

Tim makes my wonderful day more wonderful while people that constantly give themselves a bad day listen to Tim to get mad and have a more awful day! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

[@Durka_Durka_Jihad304]

"It's what we do. We're good at it. Taking the easy way out and making it look hard is actually more difficult than doing the hard work" 💯💯

[@atbmob]

The wnba Segway is so perfect and Tim’s explanation of why he won’t be spotted at a Lakers game is gold, this dudes last of a dying breed and definitely furthest from a sellout.

[@DropBox-jx6yr]

Towards the end Tim always hits us with the most accurate life advice that goes against what conventional wisdom says and it’s purely amazing. Lol

[@JT-nc9gy]

Tim has Jordan Peterson level intelligence offered up in the MOST HILARIOUS timing and delivery. Truly a treasure Timmy D!

[@pretty_troll]

they are friends !

[@sirg-had8821]

Truly

[@NancyBorth]

Jordan Peterson yikes..?. A grifter if there ever was one…

[@LordScreech]

Lmao I don't even hate Peterson, but that's an insult to Tim

[@JT-nc9gy]

They were ironically making the same points about wokism and the overall cultural gayness lol...I'm a fan of both of them actually.

[@Sablehair]

the "networking" rant is GOLD 1:06:05

[@hauntedlights]

Starlink to the Marubo. Welcome to the nightmare friends. Post-dystopia, pre-apocalypse. I'm going to Costco. 🌭

[@jorgespinha]

Funny. I got the opposite vibe. It’s what’s suppose to be. It’s about time they join the modern world, probably they will not survive but it’s a knife fight out there

[@devwarbeats]

The callback to Jerry to end the episode was brilliant

[@MB-pf7gv]

The song I’d play while driving away would be More Than a Feeling.

[@DennisMoore664]

Gotta go with Don't Look Back.

[@FRANANGELICOONA]

"Arabs & Jews"

[@kenny344]

can we please get a compilation of every time Tim, has said "fatty boom batty" on the podcast?

[@frankrizzo9521]

“Alt right comedian podcaster Tim Dillon” 😂😂

[@jesseolivarez7643]

"Let's wait and see if Mindy Kaling drops" 😂😂😂😂

[@maxshishkov3386]

Thank god for my favorite sunday lesbian talk show, my only source of news in this disgusting world!

[@TrevorEst1994]

One of the funniest pods I've ever heard

[@sckallen]

Tim get in shape, we love you too much to lose you early

[@itstrbo]

The good ones always go fast, at least he's leaving us hours of material like our brother Patrice

[@deezlesteezle]

​@itstrbo lmao you talking like he is terminally ill.

[@itstrbo]

@deezlesteezle I mean, he's still smoking and is obese... those are terminal habits

[@lillygarfield4531]

So true about Costco shoppers. They should try to be fit like Walmart shoppers.

[@Knitting_aand_knitting_aand]

I need to speak with my Uber psychologist after these pods

[@marcuswinston2522]

Letting them into the party at the peak of insanity is the best thing I’ve heard in months that’s it spot on interpretation of the times, Tim.

[@Sl8trtribe]

I like to listen while I work out and catch extra motivation when he says fatty boom batty. 🎉

[@suzem4569]

I like the way he really enunciated it today😂

[@N_g_er]

No time stamps thanks for the effort!❤❤

[@aikidodio8080]

Need Tim and Alex jones back on joe rogan asap

[@philipp-q5f]

Not gonna happen

[@l-train7876]

@@philipp-q5fwhy?

[@blindthrall]

​@@l-train7876Federal malfeasance.

[@Krim707]

Kevin Spacey should star as Tim in the movie

[@jayweiss4378]

Tim parted the sand by sitting down there 😂

[@mierezsaturday1452]

Do not be totally distracted by Timothy's delivery. He is dropping Gems & Jewels upon the herd. Mental Manna.

[@blindthrall]

Jewels by Podcaster Tim Dillon. The error has pushed your ship date back 4 months.

[@comedynerd0]

The tribe in the Amazon is going to start ordering from Amazon! I'm headed to Costco

[@TheOnlyFlightNikes]

Tim, thank you, I’m writing you in for prez, just giving you a heads up!

[@Oside3000]

44:06 lmao at a commercial. Well done

[@John-rt7zg]

Costco is the best. Good vibes and good people both employees and shoppers.

[@gleb3841]

Best Costco ad

[@Bob-ip7tt]

Is this live or just a pre taped premiere ?

[@xitaris5981]

I thought the Caitlin Clark thing was blown out of proportion - until I learned the games she plays in draws 10X the viewership compared to other WNBA games.

[@alexl.4362]

Tim Dillon is a Beast

[@TheDAT573]

Costco is my favorite place to shop.

[@thomashull7669]

holy fuck the costco/ozempic rant is all time fucking gold. tim is god damn savant.