Child training, week one / My kids obey me the first time!

Establishing authority in your home is crucial for a peaceful and controllable home. This means you need to get used to having what you say obeyed the first time and be willing to follow through with the consequences if your children don't.
If you are looking for gentle parenting approaches then this isn't a video for you! I am a total authoritarian in my home and I know that when this is the case, my time is controllable, and we thrive as a family.
All the other child training videos are here: • Child training series
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[@christinawilson2126]

You are so right, but to put out this video in this time, you are brave. It needs to be said, people need REAL help, but it’s very brave of you to put yourself out there like this. Sharing truth like this right now is often dangerous. Praying for protection for you.

[@legacybuilder9664]

I'm really grateful. Your videos came by the grace of God in just the right season. Thank you

[@Katy_living_simply]

You are such a blessing! Thank you!!! I couldn't figure out why any routine I did with the kids wouldn't stick. I even told my husband I AM SO TIRED OF HEARING MY OWN VOICE! I have been yelling non stop. They do not listen. And I know it's because I've been burnt out for a long time. That's why no routine works... because I spend the majority of the time arguing with kids to obey. We are officially out of the surviving years. My kids are 13, 5 4, and 2. And I'm ready to take control again.❤❤❤

[@juliequates9529]

Please forget these comments about how harmful it is to train your child. Im guessing they don't truly understand loving Biblical training. Thank you for speaking truth and encouraging us!

[@michelleouellette860]

Thank you so much. I need this so much! I agree with you 100%. This is how my parents raised me and my 10 siblings and it was a great childhood and we all still get along. But I have a hard time putting it into practice with my own 4 (almost 8 down to almost 2). Your practical help and encouragement are such a blessing! Thank you.

[@karlawalker8637]

Love love love! Thanks for this series!!!

[@juliequates9529]

Standing on the promises by Doug Wilson has been such an encouragement and so much practical wisdom on training for the long game as a Christian. Can't recommend it enough.

[@thesimplemamma]

I'll have to check that our, I like some of his other books on marriage :)

[@kristinccha]

Grateful for this and you sharing and being vulnerable

[@fancyflamingo123]

I'd also recommend Dr. Kennedy's book (and podcast) Good Inside. She describes her parenting as 'sturdy', not 'gentle.' I love this take on it.

[@Dreblueskies]

I love your videos and advice, I appreciate the information you share.

[@jinaschilling5441]

I need this so badly right now thank you so much for your willingness to be vulnerable and honest about this subject! I need help with my younger son being mean to my older son(ages 3&5) and my younger son screaming at me. I have a new baby coming this summer and I’m so scared that if I don’t get this foundation established before he gets here that I won’t survive and my whole house will be miserable. I know it’s up to me and I take full responsibility for how my home and children have become(mainly my youngest) but I have hit a wall in knowing how to fix it all! I finally have some hope after watching your videos and I’m looking forward for the discipline email and your future videos. Thank you again!

[@carolinenorthenor3634]

this is so needed! i have adult kids, 26, 23, & 22 and also a 6 & 4 yo and i have been so bad with consistency and i really need to get things in shape!

[@jessicarhodes9998]

NEEDED THIS!!

[@torosasantos]

I love your videos, I am from Brazil and our culture has changed so drastically over the years. My parents were very much the ultimate authority in our house. I used to answer them as “sim senhor (a)! We had an amazing and secure home 💕🧡

[@thesimplemamma]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@ourevergreenhome]

You. are. AWESOME ! *clapping!

[@ERICA850]

I'm so burnt out. My kids are 8, 5, 3, 18M, and a newborn on the way. My toddler just started climbing out of his crib and won't nap and is getting into everything. My 3 year old pesters her sisters and she does it in church. I'm feeling so out of control. I trained my baby when he was young and he listens well but it's slipping up. It's my first year homeschooling and I'm loosing my mind. I have read all of the parenting books and tried them all. My favorite parenting book is called parenting a house united but my house is so chaotic that I can't even remember the different steps to teach a child I can't even stay calm long enough to even implement those practices. It makes sense to do something like that when the kids are older but right now I need obedience I don't have the mental bandwidth to explain myself every time. I do understand that calmness is a must for me but I need a system I'm going to stick to that isn't a 12-step process.

[@fancyflamingo123]

I'd encourage those watching to do some research and reflection on authoritarian parenting (or governing for that matter.) We are raising humans. Kids are humans (not puppies or robots). With their own thoughts and wills. I WANT my kids to question authority, to press issues. The dangers of raising kids that immediately do whatever an authority figure says should be obvious (just take a look at any church abuse scandal). Yikes. Smacking is abuse. Period.

[@thesimplemamma]

Yes I do agree that authority can have some healthy questioning, but not from a two year old.

[@ruth3082]

❤ - yes and also research what outcomes authoritarian parenting generates. The research is out there.

[@Sovereign.Alignment]

🦋🦋🦋

[@ruth3082]

Also a note on Gen Z kids' behaviour. From my experience as a teacher, bad behaved kids nowadays are largely the result of excessive amounts of screen time, aka iPad kids. Gentle parenting understood and done right respects the child's needs as well as the parent's and can never go hand in hand with irresponsible media consumption.

[@thesimplemamma]

screen time is going to be addressed in the series :) I do find however that the increasing margins of screen time in children's lives, are usually a distraction method for parents who can't control their children.

[@ruth3082]

@thesimplemamma Yes it's an easy way to get your children distracted. The question is just, why is there a need for that. Lack of control is not the only answer.

[@insidekzsweetworld]

Do you inform your kids about what is expected of them before you begin each stage of child training? For example do you tell them ‘I’m going to be asking you to do something once and you must obey it the first time’. I feel like I need to give them a heads up lol. My kids are 6,3, and 1

[@thesimplemamma]

yes of course, I warn them all once, and we have a bit of a pep talk so that everyone is aware, but at the same time, I don't offer warnings, just because they may not have known or "remembered" as my kids like to say.

[@insidekzsweetworld]

@@thesimplemamma ok thank you going to try this way out and see how it goes

[@allenfamilyhomeschool2074]

We've always taken the approach of obey first, then our children can ask questions after they have obeyed. We are open to having discussions, but our children do need to obey our authority in our home the first time. Have you heard of Laying Down the Rails? It is a beautifully done book that breaks down habit training as laid out by Charlotte Mason.

[@allenfamilyhomeschool2074]

P.S. We're expecting our 6th child in May! The timing of this series is perfect for my season of motherhood.

[@thesimplemamma]

yes this is the approach I take as well, I do eventually tell my kids why I make a rule or say yes or no, but I do think that it can become to much if you are doing it to very young children who don't really "need" to know but for my older children there is more conversation about our rules and my answers to things. I will check out that book!

[@allenfamilyhomeschool2074]

I agree completely with you that the authority has to be established first. We have a few areas that we're noticing that we need to really focus on with our children to reestablish those expectations and obedience the first time. So we are going to have be more authoritarian with those expectations for a bit. We teach our older children to memorize Ephesians 6:1 and emphasize that when an authority figure asks them to do anything that does not glorify God, then they should disobey that. You are doing a good work here mama and sparking some interesting conversation! I'm looking forward to the rest of the series and I signed up for the email series.

[@thesimplemamma]

i am just hoping that this series can help some mothers, I know it isn't for everyone(having authority and child training), this was probably the most "confrontational" video of the series, so I am expecting a some push back! the memorising sounds like a good idea!

[@ruth3082]

To me it sounds a lot like me versus them. Not great if you want to foster trust and attachment and raise psychologically stable and emotionally intelligent humans. Maybe read "Hunt gather parent". Because there are violence free and attachment based ways to raise helpful and cooperative children.

[@thesimplemamma]

IT may only feel like a "me vs them" if your heart isn't right, Many parents think that discipline and correction takes away from everything else "loving " that they do, but when you understand that discipline and correction "is part of loving" your children, there is no "me vs them" there is a loving parent, embracing their role and this comes through every aspect of your parenting.

[@ruth3082]

@thesimplemamma I feel that you really do love your children. Still, if we follow methods and ideologies instead of giving space to empathy and intuition, it is so easy to overrule our childrens' needs (not wishes!) and do harm without wanting to. For example, if you simply suppress a tantrum through disciplinary methods, how will the child learn to regulate himself down? Because in that instance, you are not helping him regulate his emotions - you're just suppressing and silencing. This can cause major life-long problems with emotional regulation.

[@HappyChicken223]

Please be aware that the term child training is associated here in the USA with a book that describes severe child abuse.

[@thesimplemamma]

which book is this?

[@EmmeAndCo]

@@thesimplemammato train up a child by the pearls. Hideous background of abuse.

[@thesimplemamma]

ah ok.

[@fancyflamingo123]

The book that the author of this youtube video recommends also instructs parents to do what would be considered child abuse.

[@HappyChicken223]

@@thesimplemamma please know that all of the adults I know who have had authoritarian parents well they just don’t adult well. They lack initiative and are always looking for outside approval. I’m talking about people in their 40s.