Feeling Guilty After a Breakup | Letting Go of Guilt

Clay Andrews discusses feeling guilty after a breakup and what you might do to let go of guilt. If you want more guidance in your relationship, please make sure you head over to relationshipinn...
=================
Follow me:
Amazon: www.amazon.com...
Facebook: / modernlovelife
iTunes Podcast: itunes.apple.c...
Soundcloud: / clayandrews-1
Twitter: / claymodernlove
Instagram: / claymodernlove
=================
Feeling guilty after breaking up with someone can be hard. Whether you are on the dumping side or whether you were the person who was dumped, guilt after the end of a relationship can be a hard thing to deal with.
First of all, realize that if the two of you broke up, it probably needed to happen. There was something in the relationship that was not working, and it needed to be brought up.
Yes, sometimes relationship issues can be fixed or resolved without a breakup, but if one person is not willing to make those changes, a breakup may be what needs to happen.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices.

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks for watching this video. Let me know if you would be interested in potentially being a part of one of our next group coaching courses.

[@ThedarkhorseWRX]

Clay Andrews yes I would have an interest in coaching.

[@mokazi482]

I needed this. I feel guilty for not being the the boyfriend she wanted me to be. I have always been selfish with my money and time, and perceived that having a partner was sort of a burden. i also wasn't able to give her the amount of love and attention she wanted. eventually, she got sick of how i treated her and broke up with me. i feel like her loving me brought her more pain than happiness, and i regret making her feel that way. i had other priorities in life such as family, studies, and my future. after the break up, i realized that she should have been one of my priorities as well because life was so much better and enjoyable when i was with her. she's with someone else now, and i hope shes happy.

[@kathycohan5341]

You really made me understand my guilt feelings and to work on not feeling guilty because the relationship wasn't working. Very helpful! Thank you!

[@ClayAndrews]

You are so welcome. :-)

[@zachhunzeker1095]

I feel like such a bad person, getting back together with my ex because I thought things would be different. They never changed and I found myself, her, and our dynamic suffering all over again. She wanted to work it out but I couldn’t. I felt hurt all over again, and I broke it off again. But it doesn’t seem fair to her, I feel like I played with her heart and broke it further. There are definitely lessons I’ve taken away - I have to focus on communicating, I have to be more assertive/less passive, and I really have to be able to prioritize a relationship over other things in my life. All of that still leaves me with this empty feeling though...

[@user-ne7nn2df2m]

i am going through the exact same thing.If you have moved on,can you please tell me how to get rid of this guilt

[@juncarlcaratol5756]

this is what im going through right now, hurts like hell 😭

[@nikantavakoli]

@@juncarlcaratol5756 Same here . It's a real pain in the ass

[@Stylishute]

Same here

[@gregoryguyette587]

Same situation. I love this woman but we're completely incompatible. After a three-year relationship, I finally had to end it. I was becoming depressed by the dynamic, where I offered all financial support, cleaned the house and generally prepared dinners (or took us out). She was lovely, but depressed and could not meet my needs to be a better partner. I finally broke up with her and relocated her to another home that I own. She has been there for five months and still unable to pay rent. We reconnected twice in the last month and all of the old triggers came back. like I said, I love her but she sees our past differently than how I see it, and there is no evidence that the dynamic would change in the future. But, I feel like we flirted with the idea of reconnecting twice in the past month, and it is like I have broken up with her two more times, hurting her more deeply. I definitely used bad judgement in getting together again, but felt I needed to be certain that it could not work in a way that made me happy. She is devastated, unemployed and understandably sad and angry with me. The guilt for me may be almost as painful as what she is feeling. Just writing this helps a little.

[@ianwarren4938]

Thanks for this. Living through a breakup now and this is helpful..

[@damarisnunez2618]

This was so helpful at reflecting back on the relationship as a dumpee and feeling very guilty

[@saniasingh1867]

I was a horrible person in that relationship and even after 2years of breakup I feel bad about myself. My boyfriend was a controlling narcissistic.

[@Pangora2]

I feel this. i was terribly hurt and confused, when she wanted to part and stay friends 'we changed' and I did. I was great, we loved each other. But she tried pulling away in the winter due to other issues. Since then I was walking on eggshells and if she pulled away for her own life I would chase her and try even harder and pursued her. While I want to make this work, i went No Contact since early July (now near the middle of August) But as of this week and watching Clay I feel I am putting on the finishing touches of the 'new/old' me. I think she was right to break up. I was terribly hurt and cried for weeks non-stop and she is now in her Rebound. for two or three weeks now. But I am confident that if she takes me back as a friend that I have examined and purged many unpleasant things about myself. I would like to ward off the divorce, but I will sign the papers if need be to get me back in the door. I don't need those papers. I don't Need her either. I want her. I want her happiness. And I honestly believe with all her flaws that I am her best shot at the best life for both of us. I crushed so many of my own flaws in this time period, and maybe I needed the Hurt to do it. I also think she needs to explore and see this Rebound isn't all that special. She said she feels trapped and still loves me, but that this won't work. Be free for a bit, my love, if you need it. Every day apart I improve for the best for both of us. Tomorrow evening I will reestablish contact and begin the process of winning her back from the newbie Rebound. I only hope she is open to it. We left on good terms, her last words were a sincere 'have fun' and wanted to stay friends.

[@thatpoeticthug]

I'm going to something similar you are strong to do so, I know she's not talking to nobody right now. We just hooked up last week. She's telling me she's hurt. And I did a lot of self reflecting. Cried a lot. But I don't think I could take her back if she's with somebody else. Thoughts that I would have of what they did. What drive me crazy and eventually destroy the relationship? So I'm afraid to do no contact. I don't want that to happen, but I also don't want to lose her. I'm just so confused.

[@Reptilefan101]

Thank you so much clay !! I am serious ... I have been dumped but I know she had all the reasons to do it but this really helped !! I have moved country’s for her and was stuck with a bad employer due to my visa ! I got depressed and insecure and treated her unfairly because of it all !! The guilt is and was killing me ! Regardless it’s an old vid but I hope you read this knowing you just gave someone hope and perspective!!! 🙏🏼

[@ClayAndrews]

I understand that it must have been an adjustment that you have goner through. I hope you are now doing well. Thank you very much for watching our videos and glad that we helped you in some way. :-)

[@2WOKE-]

Thank you! Big help!...feel real guilty for saying stupid stuff when I was in a bad place...which ended our relationship

[@Luising4me]

Is it just me or is coach clay looking so damn good in this video

[@chrisamador1311]

Thanks man this video helped me out a lot.

[@ClayAndrews]

You're welcome, Chris. :-)

[@amaanahmed9370]

I was in a relationship for 13 years with a girl. She was always very loyal and made constant efforts to love me. Never let me down...I too loved her a lot but with time I started to take her for granted. Didnt value her love and I did and made her do things, the way I wanted..she did everything for me as she loved me that much. I was doing all these being unaware that I am wrong..I thought everything is ok...but I was hurting her is some or other way...She just craved my love and attention and I was busy in my own world. Although I always treated her like a gentleman and cared for her. She has been continuously telling me to talk to my parents for marriage, I wanted to marry her too but I kept stalling things . She fought for me with everyone in the family. I had a casual nature and failed to understand the gravity of the situation. She warned me many times it's high time now otherwise she will get engaged. I did talked to my family but due to some issue I gave up too soon but thought we will work it out again..She was fed up of me by this moment and decided to get engaged with a stranger. But she found a good family and the guy is nice to him too .She is happy and can't take a step back..now i am left alone as she has moved on and I am in depression as I lost a true gem..Didn't value her when there was time..didnt value the relationship. Although it was never intentional..might be I thought she would never left me cz she loved me so much. Now I am in pain and missing her..learnt the biggest lesson of my life...what should I do now?? I just wish to go back in time and fix everything. Nobody will love me the way she did..a selfless love. I just feel like a loser now.

[@spacecowboy5995]

Damn bro, I honestly thought that I was the only person that made a mistake like that but it kind of makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone. I lost a great women because of my ego and pride. 6 wonderful years gone, all because of me. It's been almost 4 years since she had enough of me and decided to leave. While I have always regretted my mistake of taking her for granted and letting her go, it recently started to affect me even more now that I'm in my 30's. Still single and lonely, all while trying to mend a heart that constantly gets broken. I've met a few women since she walked out of my life and not one has even come close to what I had. I always tell myself that maybe a woman greater than her will make her way into my life soon but deep down, I feel hopeless. Stay strong brother, we'll get through this. Eventually.

[@ragingphoinix9144]

I am you only female. 11.5 years. I thought I could force myself to stay. We never fought. We worked well together. It's why it lasted so long. But I think I always knew I liked at him more of a friend then romantic but I thought I should suck it up so he could be happy. It was wrong for me to steal his time. Even the breakup, he was the most reasonable man. I just feel so guilty for breaking his heart. I just want him to end up happy.

[@amaanahmed9370]

@@ragingphoinix9144 it's ok... whatever happens,.happens for a reason

[@drakehelen4099]

Clay, my ex pulled back after a bad interaction and said that she didn’t want to focus on rebuilding anything with me after saying for weeks she was interested in rebuilding our relationship and connection. I did my best to stay understanding and empathetic but it still feels like I screwed up my chances with her. Nothing has changed as far as how much we talk and see each other, but she says she wants me to move on and that we should just be really good friends and if something sparks later on down the road then that will happen. I’m confused with where to go and what to focus on from here. Thanks for all your help with these videos!

[@dttornadov2]

Thank you Clay, this helped me alot man

[@ClayAndrews]

Glad it helped :-)

[@smalldewdrops]

Hello clay! Have you made a video about struggling with daily thoughts of your ex, particularly years after a breakup? That would be incredibly helpful for me. It's been 2 years since we broke up yet not a day passes when I don't think of him. It doesn't negatively affect my life anymore but I would like to seek your advice on how I can stop it. Thank you so much!

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Ayame, You don't have to stop thinking about the person but it is about how you would manage and process the emotions that go along with it. You don't have to suppress that thought but instead, you have to practice acceptance and heal from the past. All the best.

[@smalldewdrops]

Clay Andrews Thank you for your reply, Clay! I'll take your advice and try my best to heal myself one day at a time. I appreciate you and your work! Hopefully one day I can come back to here to tell you I've stopped thinking about him completely :)

[@melindahernandz7942]

what if you share pets? my ex is constantly guilt tripping me about leaving him and the dogs. what then?

[@ClayAndrews]

What are the things that you both have agreed upon with the custody of the pets?

[@isisrodrigueztheartist5386]

Very good advice❤

[@ClayAndrews]

Glad it was helpful!

[@Sunlight-zx2ur]

I needed this

[@MetalHeadRed954]

I feel guilty of causing my relationship to end because of me and the woman that I was intimate with briefly that was religious,I feel like I caused her to sin it’s weighing on my mind for months here if only i could tell her that I am sorry!

[@masonrayparker7853]

I have a question, me and my ex broke up like 2-3 years ago but we still talk, I’ve been dreaming about her from here and there and I wake up some type of way. Does that mean I still want her bc I think I do?

[@carmenvljn]

Means you haven't moved on

[@maria-melek]

Bruh you’re here too

[@Deefrm56]

I broke up with my girlfriend cause someone died and I haven’t been feeling the same way and we broke up and I feel guilty and she said she wanted to die what do I do please help ke

[@ClayAndrews]

I'm sorry to hear about the pain that you both are going through. Breakups are never easy and can truly be emotional for people and having an effective communication with the person is important to clear the gap.

[@agapi4855]

She will get over it and come out stronger and move on to better things, and so will you. You did what was best man, please dont let her getting emotional over it make you feel more guilty than you need to be. If you were with her when you didn’t feel the same, you’d be unhappy and she will understand that one day(:

[@Deefrm56]

agapi thanks man🥺

[@Deefrm56]

Clay Andrews yeah thank u so much u gained a sub

[@hughmungus1501]

I feel like an @sshole, the relationship lasted like few months. The problem was: she loved me but i just loved someone else, i was living a lie and was lying to her and myself. I broke her heart and it's my fault, i had no choice.

[@Sabrina-01]

Why does my ex want to be my friend? I feel like he is a sappy chump.he left me and had a mess of children.smh .lol.i thought chics did that ? His baby momma is a dope head and is still in full addiction.she had 11 children .he kept 3 that weren't his .to save them from the system. I really need to tell him I DNT even want his friendship.how can I tell him ?

[@ClayAndrews]

You just have to be honest, Sabrina. Maybe you don't have to be like super close but just have to clear the air so both of you can healthily move forward with whatever directions that you would choose in life. All the best.