Cold Hearted Narcissists Who Are Grossly Insensitive

It's well known that narcissists are both controlling and self-impressed, meaning they easily act and speak in condescending ways toward others. Drawing upon comments from real people in real circumstances, Dr. Les Carter gives multiple examples of the ways narcissists take their insensitivity to an astonishing level of coldness. Then he offers ways to manage your responses to their attitudes.
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[@southernhorseman2006]

What amazes me is how a narcissist can have such a lack of empathy and yet be so emotionally fragile. In the words of my generation... They can dish it out, but they just can't take it.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Exactly.

[@keplermission4947]

How about that? Dr. C actually replied to that comment. Well look on it as war, there they are slinging mud and you decide to respond with a torpedo of the highest advancement. Well ... they're hurt then and uh ... the nukes are coming.

[@bloocifer]

which makes it extremely hard to stop yourself from attacking them in defense. because theyll crumble and then use that against you too lol

[@sandyhenry3238]

OMG yes!! It is because They Only Have Empathy for themselves. what effects them directly

[@rg-mi5hh]

They are just plain jerks! Need a swift kick in the rear.

[@jcaspen]

This gross insensitivity is what I dealt with in my 4 decades long marriage. Jokes that are barbed and meant to demean were “Just a joke”. Making fun of people for their “poor language skills” while bragging about his own vocabulary. Saying that our younger son, who was dealing with depression, was “Chief Dark Cloud” and our son “must like being depressed”. Cruel without having any understanding why (and explaining why his comments were cruel did no good). So glad I’m out of that toxic environment.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

I’m glad you’re out also, love! The garbage jokes followed by asinine justification also got on my last nerve. How awful for your son to have had to deal with his own dad being so disrespectful and uncaring. I hope your son is well along with you yourself now

[@karenabrams8986]

I never want to hear “it was just a joke” ever again. If I do I’m out. I want nothing to do with anyone who utters those words. Cowards use those words to slither away from the vile things they’ve said.

[@aliceroberts1980]

That’s horrible !! I like how they us words that they don’t even know what they mean my Narcissistic husband will say something use a word that doesn’t fit the sentence I said you don’t even know what that word means he blow up big time .

[@nancythornton2947]

That's horrible to do to a child.

[@unedited2716]

I am soo proud of you look in the mirror everyday and say to yourself I am beautiful powerful and free and will never let anyone talk that way to me again.

[@l.5832]

When I was up all night violently vomitting after accidentally drinking contaminated well water, husband got out of bed and told me to be more quiet because he had to go to work in the morning. So GLAD I am divorced.....

[@marionthompson3365]

Oh that brings back memories...had similar treatment. Still shaking my head.

[@carrie402]

Yep. That certainly sounds like something my narc husband would say to me. I'm sorry for us both L.

[@violajoseph8549]

After I had my 2nd child, he told me, ' don't wake me up, I have to go to work. I had a c-section and on meds. So I had to stay up and put a pillow over my stomach so I wouldn't pull my stitches to take care of my baby but it made me strong.

[@christineplaton3048]

L. My husband told me just before I went into labor with my eighth child that the last thing we needed was another Baby. The narcissistic priest run cult Church said birth control was a go to the bad place sin.

[@alonzomosley7]

After surgery my ex said she was committed with work , so get a taxi home

[@penelopelambson6794]

The real evil in this treatment is that the narcissists shows a much different self to others. They talk about how much they care about you, how concerned they are for you, how much they want to help you. No one else sees what they are really doing to you. You are alone with your pain. But don’t be like them.

[@adriancampbell630]

Spot on. Image is everything to these people. They always want to appear like they are innocent do nothing wrong.

[@ShaylaLove21]

Absolutely! They are cold and massively lack any empathy towards you, then will tell another family member how much they worry about you or how much they care. Easy way to identify a narc is that their words don’t watch their actions.

[@amazinggraceranch6793]

Exactly

[@amazinggraceranch6793]

When I was diagnosed with stroke and sent home from the hospital stay. I was getting up from my couch and my leg was very weak, I went to the floor,I cried because I just wanted to be able to walk again. My husband sat on the couch and watched me, he said, stop crying , you’re going to have to get used to this! I cried more and helped myself off the floor. No empathy at all, he blamed it on me pretty much. My heart broke 🥺.

[@Brenda1235.]

Their denial of cruelty allows them to be savage without conscience and continue to be cruel forever. 😢

[@jloggy7643]

Does the term "plausable deniability" ring a bell. Narcs are masters at dodging responcibility.

[@Scott-nr2ji]

@@jloggy7643 Yes! I often use the phrase "plausible deniability" in discussions about their mistreatment of me that I went through. At the end of the day, what they're doing is playing Satanic Chess. Almost impossible for me to fathom because I've never planned a 10-step take down of anybody. (Either I like something or I don't, and it goes in one fell swoop if I can't take it anymore) I cannot imagine being FAKE and feeling SO PROUD of myself for not being who I really am. These cowards aren't "BRILLIANT" for their 10-step styled manipulation, they're more pathetic to me for it. Just my humble opinion

[@smilinazzdoggy825]

I feel your pain my friend. They deny their whole lives. Inside they're 10 times more miserable than even their victims.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

My ex was so insensitive that it was difficult to comprehend how an intelligent person could be so clueless and unkind. He is very thin-skinned, but hypocrisy is an everyday occurence in his alternate reality. Many narcissists are also sadists which is why they can appear to be unmoved by their cruelty; they actually enjoy inflicting pain onto others.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Hypocrisy- exactly. They can dish out utter disrespect but turn into immature children when their fed the same.

[@Kat-zl8pz]

Too much push and pull and we're left to feel bad for them and forget about ourselves. It's crazy making and mind shattering soul damaging!!!

[@aliceroberts1980]

Yeah they can’t handle anything that you can dish it out

[@Kat-zl8pz]

@@aliceroberts1980 yup then i get the silent treatment for months. How unfair! We're in it for love and the real thing ans theyre fake. It's a lot to unpack!

[@gailrosenberg48]

@@Kat-zl8pz Yes Kat. When I finally left after 35 years, I literally said out loud, "My soul is crushed to fine powder and has blown away in the wind." I have been on a healing journey now for over 3 years. So much has been restored, but the scars are forever. God bless you and build you up.

[@judyl.761]

Those insensitive comments are MEANT to hurt people’s feelings.

[@DJ-yj1vg]

Said by Adult bullies who've never grown up.

[@Kelly-sl6vz]

I had taken someone who was was, supposedly, a friend out to lunch one day, her phone rang and whoever she was speaking to said something to her and she said, “Well, I had nothing else better to do.”, meaning my going out to lunch with Kelly was only because I didn’t have anything else better to do. Very hurtful, very unnecessary and very unwarranted!!

[@susanlewis1875]

I am an admitted word geek. It's how I make my living. My usage of 'insensitive' generally means lacking the ability to identify or act on others' feelings. My experience with narcissists has been that they are highly capable of identifying others' weak or soft spots and know exactly how to target them. Their 'insensitivity' is specific, calculated and intentionally aimed to bring the most pain.

[@mdee860]

Spot on Susan! I agree, they know exactly where to stick the knife🔪. It's usually premeditated... and, they enjoy it. Sick, sick, sick individuals. 🤮 PS: Beautifully written & expressed 😊

[@susanlewis1875]

@@mdee860 Thanks!

[@frannycaulfield9921]

Well said - Bravo! That last sentence cuts right to the core. They aren’t insensitive. They are cruel.

[@verreal]

I'm pretty sure there are many more uses of this word, and of course 'sensitive' as well. There is no best definition, but there is generally a most common definition, for words with multiple usage. Nothing personal, but I wouldn't pay someone so narrow minded about words. I'll never forget the day one of my students used a form of a word I'd never heard of. I looked it up, and he was correct.

[@susanlewis1875]

@@verreal Nothing personal, but I wouldn't work for you. Thanks for the mansplain.

[@BeMe33]

An example I’ve had with cold-hearted narcissists: they go for the lowest hanging fruit during disagreements, using vulnerable things I shared with them for future points of attack. I’m sure it made them feel like superior winners. But it left me feeling sucker punched, our trust broken. Good reminder to not waste our emotions on people who are beyond reformation!

[@Tenvir]

Everything being told to them was just ammunition to be used at a later (more opportune) date... :(

[@bodhiph]

They love to weaponize all your vulnerabilities.

[@Tenvir]

true, but it turned out there was this insidiousness behind the intensity with which this information was gathered

[@BeMe33]

@@Tenvir true … communication for us is authentic, but for them it is collected data. Used later like ad hominem with a malicious undertone, which is pretty pathetic. If attacking the person is their best argument, that isn’t much of one.

[@Tenvir]

@@BeMe33 ach....so scary how your words hit home, its such a sadness for me that no matter where you come from we can all recognize the same patterns :(

[@jeankipper6954]

We were sitting in a restaurant, and I ordered ice tea to go with the meal. Got lectured in the endlessly nagging and critical narc style for "wasting money on iced tea". Never mind I was the only person with a job, was spending money I had earned, so forth. It was of course not about money it was about control, criticism, domination, getting me upset. He nagged on that wretched tea for a WEEK.

[@laurafeher9694]

love iced tea order..to go..wow someone's triggered by iced 🍵☮️

[@danutaboone9831]

You deserve free iced tea for life. I like peach iced tea, yum

[@chellemadzombie2297]

I'm not sure if it's just me but I think after being around a narcissist for so long for years or decades after a while you develop a sense of cringe around them well at least I have.

[@lindaadams7863]

And this is why I hate working for one of these "people". 😆

[@dmrenterprizes4101]

Yeah, they can be frighteningly and devilishly cold. One day I tripped and fell down a not very steep incline and nearly broke one of my ankles. But when I hobbled back bruised and in excruciatng pain and told the guy I was dating at the time what happened to me, he burst out laughing. Not even, "OMG! Are you OK?" Just straight laughter. I wasn't with him long after that.

[@scuttletheship656]

They LOVE to see you in pain, and if you cry...it is an added bonus for them. They are truly sick individuals.

[@maggiesalle2256]

Congratulations! You saw it before it was too late!

[@tiffany-sheriwageman.3702]

My mom is a narcissist and she is insensitive and cold and does not allow people to have their boundaries and plays mind games. I appreciate the words of wisdom that come from this channel and I will keep watching and learning so that I can be peaceful with everyone else.

[@renemcquick9467]

Having a narcissistic mother is beyond explanation, especially as a girl. 💜

[@frontlineobservationdeck2142]

When I confronted my NM about her violence and insensitivity, she loudly denied it all using her twisted version of humor. A big drama ensued which NM relished. How dare I criticize her behavior? NM's retaliation was well planned and thought out as she acted on it for over 20 years on me. I realize all of this in retrospect and understand that NM was overjoyed to be confronted as what she loved was hurting and causing harm to her children, really anyone vulnerable. If someone was sensitive or shy, like me, they were to her, easy pickings. I was admonished constantly to toughen up, that the belittling, shaming and barbed teasing was for my own good. NM, often used the term tough love. There is no such thing, it's only a front for harmful actions.

[@barbpaq]

@@frontlineobservationdeck2142 I used to hear about tough love, too. And that I "overreacted" I'd be told I had a thin skin and was overly sensitive and should just ignore the jabs...sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never kill you. Or something like that.

[@keplermission4947]

@SLOE RYDER No ... listen to me if you can listen to anybody. You are sad and sorry but not for everyone, basically only for your own self and your own suffering. Just get some fresh scented flowers in your living space and freshen up.

[@seventeenraccoons2825]

I would send her letters using quantum grammar and ask her to reply in quantum grammar because it is a more precise way to communicate. 😼

[@alison9728]

Thank you for this. The complete lack of empathy has been a hard one for me to understand.

[@eternalstudent7461]

Agreed, indeed. Inability and unwillingness to consider the perspectives of others, equals zero empathy. Yet they like to call others narcs, and call themselves "empaths" ...because they know how to read people enough to hurt and manipulate. Took me awhile (too long) to figure one out.

[@Hennaqueenbee]

I have an example out of a multitude of instances of cold-heartedness. I had a 25 year old African grey parrot who was dying. I held her on my chest and in my arms for a few hours to comfort her through the final agonizing hours of her life. My husband (soon to be ex-husband) had his brother over and he came up to me and asked me to make tea for him and his brother.....while I was holding her. I was used to being expected to host any of "his" guests, but I wasn't prepared for him to ask me to put down my parrot when she couldn't even stand up, and make him and his brother tea! That's definitely cold-hearted, but that wasn't even the worst part. When he asked me, I didn't have to say a word because my eyes said it for me. Obviously I didn't do what he asked of me and I held her until she eventually passed away. I was devastated! I had the most beautiful bond with her and I loved her so much! Then after his brother left, while I was still holding her, dead in my arms, my husband started fighting with me about how rude I was and how embarrassed he was that I didn't Cater to him and his brother. I just started crying more than I already was, and he said to me as he was walking away, "stop crying, it's just a bird!" 💔 Thank God I finally woke up and am currently in the process of divorce from 21 years of this kind of cold hearted behavior. Because of my filing for divorce, he is waging war, but I've never felt so strong because I haven't let him and his bad behavior Bring me down to his level and change my good heart. "DR.C" for me!! Bring it on!

[@Dastardly_X]

🙏🏻 🌟 🙏

[@ashleypaul8172]

Oh how heartbreaking I’m so sorry about your beautiful bird. My ex narcissist said that my 11 year old daughter who has very bad asthma was just over exaggerating not being able to breathe for attention. Like she can’t help that she has a lung disease and can’t fake it she’s been admitted to the hospital many times in her short life. One of the many backhanded cold-hearted comments he’s said. Glad we saw the light and left.

[@angelajane3913]

It was bad enough if it were just the get up and make us tea demand, even without the beloved bird. I’m so glad you chose to stay with your true friend 🐦🤍

[@karenkushla3975]

Both paternal and maternal aunts were diagnosed with breast cancer at age 50, and at that age the radiologist saw a suspicious lesion on my mammogram. My now ex-husband screamed at me, "It's only a biopsy!" when I was visibly shaken by the news. The day of the biopsy he grumbled that he had to take me to the medical center, then complained that I didn't find him a seat in the waiting room. After he brought me home from the biopsy he then went to work and a Boy Scout meeting. How I stayed married to him for 30 years is beyond me. PS: the biopsy was negative, fortunately.

[@Mo.1988]

🤦🏾‍♀️ sick

[@emmatador7947]

It’s amazing how the priorities are so screwed up. Appearances are everything

[@JustMe-qq3rc]

So glad you are doing well. So glad you got away from him. Bless you.

[@roxannetaitano1490]

I actually have had breast cancer twice. The first time I too was shaken...after the first time, my husband actually told me in sarcastic words, that I became nicer after that. And I stayed with him even after the second time 4 years later which I believe was triggered by all the stress he caused. I've learned that even after my second experience, if the attention was on me, he would quickly expect things to return to 'normal' so he could get back to business as usual with little regard to the change in my health. It was always about him. Gratefully, my kids are grown so they can deal accordingly with their father. I am separated from him and minimizing as much contact. He'll never get anywhere close to me again... married 39 years.

[@emmatador7947]

@@roxannetaitano1490 just offered up a prayer on your behalf for your emotional spiritual & physical healing. May you feel the presence oh the Holy Spirit strongly, may you have strong support system around you especially when moments of weakness. I pray that you see can one day see beauty from ashes so that you can see that even in our worst, most hopeless difficult moments can be used for for teachable moments for so many. More importantly it can be used for God’s glory, and can be used to bring people into His kingdom. Beauty from ashes.

[@wallymarcel1]

I had a frieNd (“typo” intentional) several decades ago who got engaged to her boyfriend ( we were both mid-thirties and single) and casually said to me one day while we were having lunch: “You know, I just read an article in Newsweek that said if you’re a woman over 40, your chances of getting hijacked on an airplane are greater than your chances of finding a husband.” What she found out shortly thereafter was that her chances of being ejected from my life were equal to my success at being able to put a period at the end of a sentence.

[@alexanderthegreat7213]

U know it is possible just to be a tad insensitive / thoughtless at times without it being narcissistic personality disorder. That doesn't sound grossly insensitive to me, she was probably just making an innocent comment without thinking. It sounds like you just over reacted.

[@thelaziestbee]

This phrase was featured in Sex in the City back in the day. One has to research actual statistics, it doesn't sound based in real numbers.

[@glai5752]

If she was a long time friend, I’d sit her down and tell her how her comment made me feel. She might not realized how insensitive she was. Give her a chance to correct the situation. People make mistakes, you and I. If instead of apologizing, she pointed the finger back to you, let her go.

[@wallymarcel1]

@@glai5752 She had pattern of doing this so I did not make any sort of rash decision. Her comment was so well-thought out and nasty, versus merely insensitive, there was no doubt in my mind she had to go. It was a long relationship, but not a deep one. And after twenty-some years of being out of my life I do not miss her.

[@wallymarcel1]

@@alexanderthegreat7213 I can probably hook you two up if you’re interested.

[@sashamarie1353]

Yep. I like how even the Bible gives us advice in this area. It goes with what you are saying. Don't stoop down to their level and allow them to affect you: "Don't answer the fool in his foolishness, or you yourself will be like him." Prov. 26:4. And, try not to spend your energy on them: "Do not speak to a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words." Prov. 23:9.

[@carrie402]

Yes - I think of these verses often. Also, if you read the story of Abagail and Nabal, my husband is a dead ringer for Nabal.

[@laurengarrett9005]

@@carrie402 yep Nabal was a good for nothing man. She ended up with David. Talk about trading up.

[@Hatbox948]

We should read two proverbs daily. They're gems and words of wisdom.

[@dasindavid8249]

When my son was in outpatient care because he was unable to attend school, he told his father and me that he was self-harming. It broke my heart that my child was in so much pain. I hugged him and assured him we were going to help him anyway we could. His father’s response was to jump up from the table, go to the silverware drawer, grab a butter knife and start scraping it across his arm while screaming, “I’m depressed too!!! Maybe I should just start cutting myself!!!” It was surreal. Shortly afterwards, we were divorced. My son no longer speaks to him.

[@lindawise5546]

That is horrid. My son and I are in a similar situation. What comes out of his dads mouth is so harmful. And you never know who you get from day to day. Peace, healing to you both.

[@carolyn4423]

Wow, so sorry this happened to your son! I hope your son knows now how special he is and that what his dad said was a reflection on his dad's issues and nothing to do with him.

[@karenhayworth4321]

It's funny that Gus has his own blanket but he chooses to lay on the couch. Lol...he helps us be calm 😌 thank you Gus.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's like Gus says: Yeah, I see that blanket, but I'll lay right next to it.

[@sharonjones5173]

My narcissistic mother will say anything no matter how unkind or inappropriate. There is no restraint as to what she will say, and nothing is off boundaries to her. Rudeness, extreme criticism all designed to hurt and get an argument started. I noticed when I went no contact with her she started doing the same thing to her grandchildren. Perfect target as kids don’t have the emotional maturity to understand her manipulation. Going no contact was my only option.

[@Jepse89]

It seems that no contact is the only option for anyone dealing with narcissist.

[@wayneelliott1180]

It's the wisest and safest way to deal with their particular strain of evil.

[@ShaylaLove21]

They genuinely feel good when they see your hurt. You can see it on their face

[@charlottekyoto9519]

My (soon to be ex) husband told me that he thought that the two miscarriages I had were "made up" for attention. I mean, I still haven't gotten over the trauma of the miscarriages, what kind of sick twisted mind would make it all about him and use that trauma maliciously to his advantage. I think it was then that I realised he's not right in the head.

[@aggiesart6]

So sorry ❤ This is my father, after loss/miscarriages my father said i must be glad that i have one son and enjoy it. And leave the past behind, don't talk about it.

[@glai5752]

There are indeed no hopes to reform a narcissist. When there are no insights, there’s no chance for changes. Hello Dr. Carter and Gus! Thank you for being here. The narcissist’s inability to connect at the heart level and lack of empathy, I don’t mean to be rude, but that makes them less of a human to me somehow. I feel like I rather be talking to a wall, or a tree.

[@GauravYadav-mh8jk]

Well, narcissists are actually demons in the spiritual realm.

[@aking3624]

A tree or a wall at least offer support & beauty. A Narc only persists on trying to break you. 🌳🌼🌞

[@glai5752]

@@aking3624 how true! 😃.

[@bereal6590]

Talking to a tree would be more responsive than talking to my n.fam. they're so unbelievably insensitive and hurtful but because they wield money and gifts etc... they think then that's all okay then. If someone psychologically punches me in the face but give me a gift I'd rather not have the gift. Wish I'd know decades ago that this all had a name

[@aliciafrancis158]

One thing that really stood out for me was when he said “I’m sorry I ruined your life” with a smile. That’s when I knew just how evil he was and absolutely meant every hurtful thing he did and said to me. I spent more than 2 years day in and day out caring for this person and I meant nothing to him. It’s very hard to wrap my head around such a cruel and insidious person.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It makes absolutely no sense, yet there it is.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Thats the hard part trying to understand and accept these people exist and we were unfortunate enough to meet one, I still have a feeling of disbelief from time to time.

[@junejelm423]

I call this diabolical....which is upsetting, but we don't imagine it.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

I hope you're doing better.

[@aliciafrancis158]

@@JohnSmith-wo7ns I can hold my head up and look people in the eye again. A huge improvement. I believe I still have a long road ahead of me, but yes, I am doing better. Thank you so much for your thoughts 💜

[@texaspatty458]

My entire life was filled with hateful & hurtful remarks , I never had a kind word from either parent . They were beyond Evil . How very sad !! 😢

[@Mo.1988]

You didn’t deserve that. Shame on them.

[@ThisIsMe155]

So sorry!! 😓😢😓

[@wayneelliott1180]

I know exactly what that's like. It has led me to long research the subject and understand that it's not my fault; the fault is totally theirs.

[@BeMe33]

That is difficult 💛 virtual hug. I think the fact that you feel sad for them says a lot about you. Unlike them, you have empathy … even for them. They are sad, filled with hurt and hate. They need Jesus!

[@texaspatty458]

@@BeMe33 ...I have to agree with you , they definitely need Jesus . They are dead now , and I am happy I no longer have to deal with them . It's still hard not to grieve a childhood lost 😓

[@masquarra]

While my mom was on life support, my husband came to me and said, I hope you will not use this as an excuse to ignore my needs.”

[@marionthompson3365]

Wishing you my best x what an awful thing to say.

[@kimalonzo3363]

Is HE now on life support?

[@mhlohc]

Horrible, I'm so sorry. When my dad was on life support, my spouse called me while visiting my dad at his death bed to scream at me and call me names. He couldn't find his other phone. My dad could actually hear him screaming through the phone and shook his head. I cried all the way home. When my dad finally died, he ask me if he had to attend the funeral.

[@carrie402]

@@mhlohc Masquarra and SomAM - I'm so sorry to both of you and your stories sound so similar to how my narc husband is. He doesn't have an ounce of compassion for anyone else.

[@mhlohc]

@@carrie402 The sad thing is, I left and came back recently. The narc tricked me into coming back and the behavior has gotten worse. This is hell on earth.

[@pinkposey8134]

Thank you! Was married to one that shortly thereafter revealed this is his baseline. It leaves the psyche to wonder what is wrong with yourself. Nothing, it is this continuous stream of negativity. BTW it is catching, so in the healing process remember how beautiful life is, and we do not have to look very far to see someone that is worse off than ourselves when we are out and about.

[@jloggy7643]

It is vital to our recovery that we find a positive to balance out the negative. In this community callex team healthy i believe it is just as important to know "we" ate not alone which is in contrast to the isolation mamy of us were subjected to.

[@ShelleyMagner]

@Pink Posey - While I respect and very much appreciate what Dr. Carter has to share with us, another healing aspect of this community are the people who share their experiences. What you just shared has been one of mine :) Thank you! My mother is narcissistic, who has influenced me in ways I have no way of measuring. I'm beginning to recognize and see now that I'm older.

[@debraknudson1516]

Unfortunately I’m going through the same thing, married 3/3 and the mask has just deteriorated and it’s profoundly sad. I feel for you and I hope you find peace soon

[@choosepeacetoday]

I like what Pink Posey said. " This was his " baseline". Lundy Bancroft said " watch the abuser's behavior during the calm times." The abuser will show you who they are during that time in more subtle ways. It is an eye opener.

[@robinsmith4499]

I have been put in my place for 45 years, three family members that married into our empathetic family. I was raised to please these individuals. Today I live free and in peace. Why… healthy boundaries.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

It’s always “never their intentions” to be overly insensitive (said with a gasp and a hand to the chest with a “who me?” look on their face.) I’ve been subjected to being hit “on accident” and then told they “didn’t realize they hit me.” I’ve also had a finger shook in my face for nearly a whole sixty seconds and when i asked for their finger to be removed from my face was told, “(with a gasp) SORRY! I didn’t think my finger was in your face.” The idiocy of it. If i had a dollar for every time i heard, “Why would i do that (fill in the blank for whatever “that” might be) ON PURPOSE?!” They are so insensitive toward others because they’re so sensitive about others being attentive to them. Who has time to be concerned about others when you’re busy making sure others are concerned about you?

[@sage9836]

How precisely described. You are safe now?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That qualifies as grossly insensitive!

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@sage9836 your sweet

[@sage9836]

@@AlwaysStampinVideos Thanks. Good deal!

[@ErumEhmad20]

I would love to learn more about why are they so sensitive towards others attention on them ?

[@youdontknowme6298]

The cruel, heartless things that would come out of his mouth were astonishing. Never in my life have I heard such awful words. I was crying after my sis died and he got up in my face and sarcastically said Oh no! Your sister died of cancer! Boo hoo hoo. Or another time he told my daughter whose dad took his own life, Oh yeah you’re real special. Your father wouldn’t even stick around earth for you. Those are just some off the top of my head. Awful person.

[@loishines1023]

It was shocking just how insensitive and even cruel my then husband could be. Even after he divorced me, he was grossly insensitive and cruel. Now I make sure that I neither see nor speak to him. Never again.

[@eaglessoar6830]

Same . This is like reading my own words.

[@roseyc.5846]

Dr. Carter: My own adult child..the pain and shock of "no contact" has been unbearable. Thank you. 🙏

[@pamelahansen5928]

💔💔💔

[@nezlquasie]

U are not alone and not missing the toxic

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

My heart goes out to you, Rosey.

[@graydlett]

so sorry 😭praying for healing of your broken heart🙏

[@anniebrowning7354]

I can't imagine. ❤❤❤

[@marionthompson3365]

As a child my mother often quoted this line at family functions whilst referring to me, "that bitch of a child", then laugh. Humiliation at my expense. Every Christmas dinner with extended family and numerous other times. I don't think she was a narc, just didn't like me. I'm now nearly 60 and having treatment for issues relating to several ex narcs and my early childhood being discussed. Really interesting stuff. Even today I wonder why my father, sister or brothers never ever said anything in my defence. Held these scars all my life as a result.

[@Jepse89]

Im so sorry for all of people in your family that didn’t defend you. It always amazes me how people are quick to laugh and take sides or stay silent rather than protect and stick up for someone

[@Teacher369]

Marion, Perhaps they didn’t come to your defense because they were bullied by her too. They knew that standing up for you would do no good and just make things worse. I was the scapegoat too. My mother taught the rest of the family how to treat me by setting the same horrible example. I’m sorry for your pain and we are not alone. Please hug yourself as much as possible. You are worthy. ☮️ 💕 ☀️

[@marionthompson3365]

@@Teacher369 Bless, thanks Karen and same to you x

[@junejanna]

I had similar problems with my Mum. I was one of four children and the only daughter. My Mum was always nice to my older brother and my younger brother, but she always said, "You and your youngest brother are just like your Dad!" at least 3 times a week! It was awful being labelled this way, even more so considering she hated my Dad and was always complaining about his many terrible faults. And then she would turn around the same day and tell me (or my brother) that I was just like him! This made me very angry with her and stop loving my Dad at the same time. It was very perturbing to say the least! A few times my Mum (who was a very heavy drinker) would fly into a huge rage and start to beat my brother while he was in the bath, when he was only about 8 or 9 years old, saying he had "got on her nerves". Well, I intervened and shouted at her at the top of my voice to stop, very forcefully! And it worked! I wasn't going to let her attack my little brother in this way! (He still remembers my protective action to this day!) She came to her senses and left. I would say my mother was an Overt Narcissist. She was really bossy and very critical and sarcastic. Underneath she had terrible self-confidence problems and suffered from depression, but the way she took out her suffering on us, her two "scapegoat" children, was pretty horrific. I know she did love us though, in her own way, because she often told us so, and there were great moments when she was very loving. And the good thing is that over time she gained more insight into her own behaviour thanks to psychotherapy, and she began to apologize to us for her bouts of emotional cruelty. During her bad times, she often told me I was a "good for nothing" and "would never come to anything", or "always took the easy road in life". It turns out I had been suffering from undiagnosed Celiac disease my whole life, which was why I was constantly tired! My Mum had such a judgemental streak! As for my brother, he had a genetic muscular dystrophy disorder which also went undiagnosed for years. My Mum said that our health difficulties made her feel guilty she had passed bad genes onto us, and she hated the feeling she "couldn't be a good mother to us" (because we were more difficult to cope with I suppose). So she attacked and rejected us! As for my father, I'm pretty sure he was a Covert Narcissist. After experiencing poverty in childhood, he had been brilliant at school and had made it to a prestigious university, so he thought he was the "world's gift to humanity"! Everybody else was "below him", including my mother, even though she had been a head nurse before having us, her children. When I reached puberty, my Dad began ogling me! He seemed to think he had a right to be the silent voyeur of his own daughter! Nobody in the family believed me when I said he was "weird" with me, including my mother. That is, until my parents reached retirement age and moved to a more exotic country. Over there, my Dad became more and more senile due to drink and several long operations... and suddenly, he began kissing all the women on the estate where my parents lived, on the mouth, by force! At that point, my mother realized that I had been right all along and my father did have a serious psychological problem! And she apologized profusely. My story has a happy ending, because in her older years, my mother came off the alcohol and we had 15 wonderful years of harmony. She found a relaxation therapist near her new home abroad, and she gave me all the love I had missed during those earlier years. She still hated my father, and they fought like cat and dog for the upper hand, as always, but that is another story... All of this turmoil from the past has left me with recurring self-doubts about my value as a person (even though I went on to become a bilingual secretary and have raised 3 happy children to adulthood), and I still tend to feel very lonely, over sensitive and misunderstood at times. But at least my mother did her best to make it up to me when I was older! I realize I've had it better than many of you poor people talking on this thread! You have my deepest sympathy and I wish you all well!

[@Jepse89]

@@junejanna thank you for sharing your story

[@gerrieshapiro2147]

I wish I had these videos to watch when I was younger and had this into to deal with my mother! Life would have at least made sense and I would NOT have blamed myself for everything.

[@mariamassey5468]

Yes, 🙌 you x I would have commenced the healing process years ago x severed ties with the heartless brutes. I first discovered narcissism 6 months ago inadvertently vis Utube x have been no contact for 1 month x have never felt better. Now I heal by watching x sometimes summerising these videos x writing ✍ journal entries to unpack the lies x release the pain x anger. I used to think I was CRAZY x believed everything both my narcissistic grandparents manipulated me into thinking was true as I trusted them x NEVER KNEW that there was such a thing as NPD nor how insidious x soul destroying it is. I wish you all the VERY BEST IN LIFE, Gerrie❤❤❤ MayGod take good care of you x may caring x decent people come into your life to show you how you deserved to be loved ❤which is wholeheartedly x unconditionally🌼🌸🌺

[@bilwisss]

i often have trouble understanding if my narcissist is evil, stupid or an odd mixture of both. that lack of awareness is always suspect to me.. ( on top of all of that, ...if the situation needs them to play the evil card, they will, if the situation needs them to play the stupid card, they will.) something tells me, my gut feeling is there is always an underlining agenda, bias, and intent, or the narcissist simply would not do it. *they have so many masks.*

[@yonniznaiyu3258]

I believe they are “hollowed out” by trauma (or being spoiled), and this void is filled with demons that prop up, fuel, and direct their false ego that was built up in them during childhood to avoid the shame of being vulnerable or exposed. They essentially split, fracture away from their real selves and cocoon themselves in a delusional bubble. And Like a vampire they need to keep feeding this fake persona at all costs to always retain the upper hand, through crazy mental gymnastics and various forms of abuse. Extremely insecure but unselfaware, they must enforce a false social hierarchy that always posits them at the top, everywhere they go, always vying for power, control and superiority rather than love, beauty and truth. They reel people into their sphere of influence like 1 Peter 5:8 to devour them on behalf of the devil. They are predators in the spiritual war. Look for the demonic glare in their eyes, they are puppeted by evil forces, Ephesians 6:12. They become their own gods and serve Satan, because they are deceived by the great deceiver into living for the world rather than the Lord. They are pitiable, hell-bound tyrants with no love in their hearts, just lies and manipulations. They want you to think they are winning. All the girls they get, all the money they have, all the control they exert. But it’s all just sad and meaningless and they will pay with their soul for the havoc they’ve wreaked upon their victims.

[@hissyfitz7890]

Their masks are the ONLY full deck they have!

[@MrRandy1221]

They are chameleons and change dispositions depending on who they are trying to manipulate at the time. 👍

[@yellowbird5411]

The "gross insensitivity" takes my breath away sometimes. It is difficult to comprehend how an otherwise fairly intelligent person can be so completely lacking in empathy, social skills, sympathy and just plain respect. The meanness, the uncalled for nastiness is appalling. No matter how much you nicely do for the person, it's never enough. Abuse is always waiting, when you least expect it, and when nothing has happened to bring it forth. They are cowards, as they usually are on their good behavior when others are around. They can become total bullies the minute no one can see how they are acting. They pull it together fast. I had my drive-by this morning with an acquaintance who not only is narcissistic but bi-polar. One of the most disagreeable combinations. The bus broke down so he could not get to his doctor's appointment. He called me three times to take him about 10 miles away. A few years ago I would do that, but I stopped, as he is out riding the buses all day, every day, and can go where he needs. "Just put a bag over your head and take me up there." Even though I know how awful he is, this stunned me. What did that even mean? I didn't answer any of the calls. He said he could pay for an Uber but it would "wipe him out for the rest of the month." He buys tons of scratch-off tickets, buys himself shrimp and sushi, gives money away, and never can save a dime. Doesn't want to. Keeps borrowing money up to his limit from one of the sleazy loan places around here. If you say anything about saving, he'll say "Don't lecture me. I'm an adult!!!" These people are such a delight.

[@ambergreen6359]

I am so truly proud of you for not even answering! Awesome and good for you!!! 👍👍👍👍👍

[@Lindy.T]

Thanks for your story. Amazing how to save your peace of mind....don't answer their calls!

[@cmdm3788]

Setting boundaries! SCORE! Keep it up.!

[@rascallyrabbit]

We never learned what a good friend was. We had no mirror of a loving, caring, nurturing person so we hooked up with what we knew....cold heated mean people

[@lindawise5546]

Yes, didnt recognize a harmful relationship., it felt familiar.

[@Feribrat99]

I heard each and everyone of them, Mom actually said she wished she could have aborted me...... Her mother had just died and she was upset and I was the truth-teller scapegoat youngest child. There is no excuse for bad behavior and cold emotional abuse.

[@bgraunitz6175]

@karenwheeler Me too! I'm the baby, mom said the same to me. So hurtful! Now that I'm a mom, I just can't even imagine! It's so nice to be learning other people go through what I did & Im not alone 💕

[@Electric-Bird-Set-Free]

@@bgraunitz6175 that’s horrible and completely unacceptable. I’m so sorry 😢 to both of you. Children are a gift and should always be viewed as priceless. I hope you have found peace and love now ❤️

[@lindaadams7863]

Yep. I was a mistake, stupid, etc. My first full time job after college degree - dad says "they only hired you to meet affirmative action quota". I was there for almost 12 years.🙂

[@joannetier3044]

18 years with the narcassist, being away from him for 2 years and I still think about his cruelty, lack of empathy and down right coldness. Recently he lost both his parents within a few months of each, he tried to entice me back with his inheritance and said that I must be kicking myself that I left!! Unbelievable

[@keplermission4947]

Reminds me of this song: kzbin.info/www/bejne/r3O2nGVomad5pac

[@tracydanneo]

Their inheritance that they will never share.

[@keplermission4947]

@@tracydanneo Narcissists will share their money but I know they're very selfish and when they do share the money, they moan to others forever about what it cost them. It's a three-way thing with some of them, they need a third party to see them being kind but we know they're not and it's best to leave them and forget about them and you know ... you aren't forgetting. Just forget them.

[@sandycheeks3473]

I would rather starve and be homeless before I take their money. My ex narc would always bribe me with money, jewelry whatever and I paid for every dime spent on me.

[@tracydanneo]

@@keplermission4947 how do you know what I’m forgetting? That seems like a fairly big assumption on your part. As for triangulation, yes it is a part of the narcissistic nature.

[@warriormom5843]

“Cold-Hearted Snake” -Paula Abdul (written about a NARC. I’ve dedicated this to my spouse in my mind more than a few times over the years. (An understatement). 😫🐍

[@Robin19806]

Bottom line: they pretend to be everything they are not! Do not believe them, do not trust them, do not give your "pearls" to them, do not waste your precious time and energy for them, stay away, do not speak to them if possible, pray for those around them-they are likely withering away.

[@meemawproductions]

My ex's comment to me was frequently, "No crying over self-inflicted wounds." He is a mental health therapist.

[@scrappydappydoo]

Yeah, I had a therapist tell me I must like being depressed because I was too depressed to do all the socializing she expected of me since our last appointment. Blaming the victims is sadistic.

[@lucretiamedcalf2521]

Indifference from another is one of the most painful 😫 things.

[@amazinggraceranch6793]

Years ago when I was diagnosed with stroke, I went home to my husband to care for me. I was getting up from the couch and I fell to the floor due to my weak leg . I started to cry because I was only 41 years old and couldn’t walk and lost my job due to what happened to me. My husband was sitting on the couch watching. He said, stop crying , you’re going to have to get used to this. I cried more , my heart was broken, he wasn’t there for me at all. I helped myself up off the floor and realized how much empathy my husband had at that moment. He is not there for me . He told his family how hard it was that he had to help me and he was so worried about me, far from the truth .😢

[@gloriadonahue7241]

My narc husband of 32 years told me many years ago that "having to listen to me talk is tedious." PS. He never stops talking.

[@rmarieshen862]

My mother was n the hospital with a mild COVID induced stroke. I wrote to our volunteer committee asking for prayers and asking to be relieved a major commitment so I could teach my university class and then call home (I live 4000 miles away from my extended family). One of our volunteer leaders sent an emoji laughing in my face, with the words, "it is always something with you, maybe if she dies you will actually have something to be upset about." I immediately blocked her form all social media except the mandatory chat group for our volunteer committee, and to this day am blamed for being "1/2 of the problem between us." Nobody believes me when I tell the reason she is blocked and I refuse to work with her on any activity.

[@zepgirl6495]

I overheard my mother say to my 19 year old son, "I just can't understand how God could give two, such wonderful children to someone like your mother". What does one say to that kind of a cruel remark. She has undermined me to my children for years, and I do not even know where to begin to heal from this.

[@marjoriemascheroni8034]

My mother has done the same to my only son... I know how you feel...

[@scuttletheship656]

Please get her out of your life. YOU are the reason you have 2 AMAZING children. God bless you❤

[@zepgirl6495]

It's sad that my own mother feels this way, what's worse is her wrongful influence on my children. Unfortunately, we have not spoken in over a year. Sad too, because she is 83 years old and I would love to have a relationship with her once again, though she continues to live in unforgiveness. Anger and bitterness will surely turn a heart to stone!

[@banegamerbr]

@@zepgirl6495 I feel sorry for you, but in no way you are going to change her… it’s her choice to be bitter… unfortunately, minimizing the contact or zero contact is the only way to preserve yourself…

[@TK-ij2xi]

I had an ectopic pregnancy once - it was scary. I was at the ER & I didn't know how it would be treated and there are so many emotions involved PLUS you have pregnancy hormones skyrocketing. I told my mom because my husband coincidentally was with his father for a surgery, I thought (oh boy!) she'd step up and be there for me. She said, "Oh, I never knew someone with one of those before!" And then, "Well let me know how it goes!" I was floored & felt so abandoned (My husband left his dad to be with me) - this was the beginning of my "seeing". I know NOW she was never able to meet herself at her own pain to help me through mine, but back then, I was just hurt.

[@whos1st]

- yet - when you pull away from the narc, see through their game, understand they choose their behavior (they know what they do is wrong) - turn you back and walk out, the narc crumbles like a house of cards. Do not fall for their fake apologies or explanations. Leave.

[@Buggzter-n-Gallade]

My ex husband would abuse our kids, and tell us all we were just blowing his insults and physical abuse "out of proportion" Yet ANY criticism like "stop bullying us" would end up with screaming and intimidation and that's of physical violence. Unfortunately the local prosecutor did not decide to pursue charges

[@lorrainem8234]

What?? Usually the prosecutors are all over that stuff. Prayers for you and your family 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@brianhansen1997]

Unfortunately the law protects chicken sh#t’s like that

[@savetrump9120]

Not until someone is in the hospital near death. The Judge will say that it's not bad enough.

[@tracydanneo]

If you want justice don’t go to court.

[@likeargamanflaming940]

What you've described is also gaslighting.... unfortunately

[@jonnyblade46]

They don't ask for permission. They just do things, without warning. They make important desicions, break promises, sell important stuff, throw away stuff, make plans, ignore your input, change key persons and act like general bulldozers, without consulting you. A narcissistic boss will throw your work in the trash, without saying a word. The brutality is part of the narcissistic communication. The message is clear. It's total tyrrany. All through my childhood, my mom had this habbit of throwing away my stuff. Belongings that I loved, went in the trash, without any kind of dialogue. Toys, plastic models, clothes, future collectibels and magazines are gone forever. If she didn't like it, out it went. Last time she did it, I was over 20 years old. I went up the attic, looking for old magazines. They were gone. If she did it once, I would have forgot. It went on and off for 20 years. She hasn't said sorry one time.

[@ecatcheshire9741]

you’re right! No boundaries to other folk’s stuff, interests, or future plans. Unilateral decisions.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Oh boy, I am sorry. 😡 My Ex and my oldest son did that to me...my X threw out solid OAK childhood rocker that was in perfect condition (among other stuff of mine). When my son was in high school he threw out bran- new stuff (still had tags) in the recycler. Who do these people think they are?

[@jonnyblade46]

@@patriciaalbertson5183 That's abuse. Throwing away or attacking other peoples belongings is such an underrated problem.

[@shewho333]

I don’t think my dad was a narcissist, but living with the stress of my mom and being an alcoholic messed up his thinking. I was 12…middle school was actual hell, mom was more abusive than ever and tearing me and dad apart every day, and I was just shutting down as a human, because I had no other alternatives. I was tired of protecting both of us. And dad…I don’t even remember what was happening, but I’ll never forget what dad said to me, he said “Why are YOU so COLD?”. Still to this day, all I can think is…DUH. Hello? Dad? I mean, we lived with the ice QUEEN. The master of insensitivity. And he was asking me that question. After that I knew I was all alone in this world.

[@luvyatubers]

Similar. As a teen I once cried to my Dud over my muders mistreatment of me while loving (now I know it was actually controlling) my older 1/2 sister by another Dud. I'm crying and f'er is laughing. He said Don't you know your sister is perfect. He wasn't home much probably cuz he didn't want to be there. I recently realized that he probably was molesting my other older 1/2 sister. Things point to it. It makes sense. The dysFUNKtion stunk. I think every family has some level of dysf. In it

[@maggiesalle2256]

Ouch! I am so sorry that happened!

[@mellymellongisland]

I got, "If you only knew how little I care".

[@michellestevens1080]

The comment reminded me of how my mother would clutch her pearls(or whatever necklace) and looked shocked that I would be confused enough to think there was anything wrong with her telling me” you should thank God you only have one daughter!” I’m her third daughter…

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

I'd driven two days to see my dad for the first time in 20 years; he had never bothered to visit me or my siblings. As I'm sitting on his couch he begins telling me what rotten kids he had. This was after a lifetime of his sociopathic, narcissistic behavior. When he died a couple of years later and I felt nothing.

[@lindaadams7863]

Sad to say but after dad died in 2011 and mom in 2019 - never miss/hardly ever think about them.

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

@@lindaadams7863 both of mine have died and I do think of them; it's not pleasant and I'm trying to forget.

[@tahiyamarome]

Or my mother bragging about flouting any anti-covid measures then asking to visit me-an immuno-compromised cancer patient. Or my father on learning i was bulimic for 13 years saying maybe i should resume purging because at least i wan't quite so fat when i was vomiting 6 times a day. Dr c you really hit a big one w this video. THANK YOU!

[@kayeb7809]

One good example: my aunt was in ICU with a heart condition. Her sister (my mother) tells her that she’s a burden on her children and that she’ll do anything to get everyone in the family to like herself and hate my aunt. We cut contact with dear mom a long time ago.

[@jorgeluiscapiello414]

I'm a highly emotional person and mistook her coldness and insensitivity for determination and strenght.

[@lifewithabria5054]

My mother (I'm the eldest of 6) states very often that I should only have boys because girls as "drama, terrible" etc... she even goes so far as to tell me I wouldn't want girl and couldn't love them. There are 4 girls in our family....

[@nezlquasie]

Some moms had bad programming.

[@earlenehandley5579]

My mom use say she doesn't like girls only boy's I'm the only girl out of 3

[@Circuit7Active]

When I told my adult narcissist daughter that I had been laid off from work and would not be able to help her monetarily like I had been doing, all she could say was, "Don't have a Pity Party" and she said it repeatedly with glee. I was both shocked and confused by this response, but I knew nothing about narcissism back then. There was no pity party just advising her that it might be a little rough for awhile.

[@Misses-Hippy]

They are puzzling, shocking even. The things they say leave my jaw on the floor, not knowing how to respond. But I am getting the hang of it now. I've got them pegged.

[@steviecrow914]

Such a valuable conversation! They use their insensitivity to gain the advantage. I’ve seen people use power cruelly to take down competition and to send a message to anyone who may even think about critiquing them.

[@booradley9063]

Hearing these comments makes me realize just how provoked I was while being with a narcissist. He was so painfully cold and insensitive I often had rage in our relationship and I see clearly why others may think my reactions were my problem. Definitely eye opening and something to work on.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Once you see how they cannot (will not) stop themselves, it becomes abundantly obvious for you to determine to practice self care. I'm pulling for you!

[@flowinsounds]

god yes. My ex lied to court to steal my kids 4 months later, nasty nasty legal battle, she tells me to my face that the kids 'haven't missed you at all', as if that would make me feel BETTER! I'm glad I found you and Dr Ramani, really helped me understand her broken mind, and find my centre and calm again

[@anniebrowning7354]

I see that Gus is awake, listening very carefully. He wants to woof it out loud. But he knows silence is golden.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Our dog is doing the same right now 😆

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Hi annie. I received an email from KZbin that you'd replied to us having a dog. But the comment hasn't shown yet. He's my son's dog. What did you say hun. It could be my phone 🙄❣

[@anniebrowning7354]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Hi Amanda, Yes it's correct. Something like: "Hey, wow! you have a dog...How nice. Of course that's what I should have, to keep me company. What kind of dog? "

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@anniebrowning7354 oh I see 👀 He's an American Bulldog. We Haven't got a big house and I can't walk him but I can do cuddles. Pets are very relaxing. It's worth having some but ones you can manage. They are a commitment but worth it. Always go for rescue animals if you decide to have any. I miss my guineas! When I was a little girl we had cats, budgies and when the boys were little we had fish. Liverpool came 2nd in the Premier league by 1point. I crocheted bit of red bunting for the window lol 🤣 Hope you had a good weekend ❤ Amanda

[@IBNED]

It is sooo hard to hear these stories. Life is hard, why would anyone want to make it even more difficult by being such &*%#@'s. Kindness is one of my best friends...forever

[@lindawise5546]

I just love that! Kindness is one of my best friends.... Me too! Thanks.

[@jloggy7643]

There is a long thread on another vid that fits perfect with this topic. The topic of discussion is on how natcs treat to you when you are physically sick. The longer i am part of team healthy the more things i find us survivors of narcissim have in common. Wow, to be "part of something" now that is a positive change that many of us should take notice of! To think we are no longer being isolated by these demonic creatures.

[@christar9527]

That’s the part that really got to me. How horribly they increase the abuse when you get sick or injured. Mockery and put downs about how you now look for example and how you can no longer function. Add to it you have bad health insurance or something because you’ve lost your job or you’re newly homeless due to the illness. These people have got nasty and cruel down pat!

[@jloggy7643]

@@christar9527 something else i noticed is when i would come down sick that she would claim to be twice as sick as if it were a competition. I have been counting down the days to my divorce, on this 20th of may 2022 i am now 27 days away.

[@dsaylor36]

Dimimishing your pain while adding more And convincing the flying monkeys to add to it unknowingly.

[@beachbunny7256]

I think that hits my heart the hardest! How cruel they are to the vulnerable and weak..

[@aliceroberts1980]

I always get attacked and I’m a loser because I have a bladder disease and fibromyalgia which is from living with him I’m a loser because I don’t work by I do everything in the house ?!! He takes the trash out and cuts the grass but he won’t weed whip goes to work comes home and plays video games that’s it . We gave a Daughter never I mean never ever got with her when she was a baby I do all the parenting he does nothing but he will gang up on her if she did something wrong and I’m saying OK you’re in trouble give me your phone he jumps on with me if he hears me doing this now he starts in on her he doesn’t pay enough attention to see what’s going on in her life and making sure she’s not doing things she shouldn’t do but as soon as she’s in trouble it’s like dog pile on the rabbit he’s right there to help bully and I tell him I’m handling this step back She doesn’t need two people telling her what to do she good person and actually never gets in trouble they really disgusting people

[@beautypablotamarini7315]

narcs find me cruel and "don't know what to do with me" they find cruel when I'M TALKING AT ALL for example, "i want someone to love me" - "have you consider to love someone" and every little remark and different opinion is like bomb for them

[@douaa1934]

So TRUE 👍🏻 One common trait among the different types of narcissists

[@ly5142]

It is important to identify those in our life who are kind, compassionate and caring and remember that they are the norm, and those of us who seek and offer these qualities to others are normal. Thank you Dr C.

[@mariasartzis-pellicier1723]

My NarcEX husband removed me from our marital health insurance with no notification; no warning. He did that knowing FULL WELL that I'm in SERIOUS NEED of a Drs care and medications for DIABETES, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, and a HEART CONDITION also; which I've had surgery for (4 stents) and 2 mild heart attacks. In addition to him having NO EMPATHY, he has shown his DISGUSTING COLD HEARTEDNESS, by actually saying that I don't need medications, that I made up my illnesses, I'm faking them, and there's nothing wrong with me. A TRULY VOMITOUS individual.

[@123raven4]

Your videos are My Therapy! One video a day, keeps the narcissist at bay!!👍

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Very pleased!

[@lindapeterson6648]

Thank you for providing on going wisdom and understanding for those of us that have been unfortunate enough to have a narcissist revealed in our lives.

[@victoriat9830]

I thought I was the only one told I "didnt entice" him enough, I wasn't a "real woman" because I have alopecia and wear a wig (which one time he ripped off my head during an argument and threw out the window!), that he needed to "dumb things down" in order for me to understand... I'm heartbroken that so many of us have experienced this treatment. I'm divorced but he still routinely calls me a "shit mom" and a donkey, usually when I am trying my best to be civil with him. It never ends.

[@Hatbox948]

Wow.

[@krisztina442]

Just look around in the world these days and you can easily find many examples...

[@willowtree9082]

👏Dr C and team healthy, Cold-hearted 💯insensitivity👍lacking empathy 💥no remorse ✅relentless and power/money driven to extreme 💯🥵 .

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

All that you say is right on target about narcissists. That second woman, the wife's friend is in for a shock down the road when that narcissist treats her the same way he did with his first wife. No one in any marriage can "check all the boxes", LOL, we all have to love others for who they are not what they can give us.

[@samanthaporter6662]

My stepmom is a narcissist, my dad just passed away and it's sick the way she's acting.... I'm done.... Don't even care anymore, cutting ties.....

[@judygregg47]

AGAIN AND AGAIN, MANY, MANY THANKS, DR. CARTER!!! GIVE GUS A BIG HUG FOR ME!!!

[@jessiegordon916]

Loves this!!!! Dr.C, thank you!!!! I am getting better everyday!! And I can smell a narcissist right away and I stay away !!! Lots of blessings Dr.C for you and your staff to continue your most valuable work!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome, Jessie!

[@KoolT]

DRC. DIGNITY, RESPECT, CIVILITY

[@One-Goth]

My dad had just passed away at 81. I'm 53. My ex husband told me that I only have about 30 years left and he doesn't want to be a lonely, miserable old man (he was 19 years younger). Cold, cold, cold. Straight after that, he said he wanted children. After I had miscarried and then unable to have children and after he had said, countless times, that it didn't matter and he was a selfish person (he was right about the last part). He could only have hurt me more if he had cheated on me. Which I think he did anyway.

[@susanking590]

Dr. Carter. You have helped me more than you know. I need some assistance with the fact I'm an empath. I had a breakdown when I lost my sister. Day after Christmas. With my highest respect.

[@terrilynch7845]

My mother has a $25 million estate. She is a narcissist, so was my father. My brother, sister & some of the grandchildren are narcissists. My mother has left her estate to my younger siblings & grandchildren. I, the scapegoat get nothing. I am disabled & live below the poverty level. They claim to be Christians, but money is more important to them. I'm 63 years old. Very concerned about their souls. Thank y'all. Love is most important ❣️

[@Jepse89]

So sorry to hear that Terri. Narcissists are so cold hearted that it’s heartbreaking

[@terrilynch7845]

@@Jepse89 Thank you! My therapist is helping me deal with this. I trust & rely on God. I appreciate you caring.

[@thewidowT]

On a second dinner date with an alcoholic narc, he started using 4 letter words without regard for a 8-9 year old, and his parents, sitting at the next table. I called him on it, and not only did he refuse to take responsibility, but he stated that the kid’s mom and dad probably talked like that around him all the time. OMG, that was the moment I knew we had no future.

[@heatherwhittaker6169]

My mother always told us that she shouldn't have had children...that was her explanation for being a horrid mother. She actually admonished me for telling her I was in an abusive marriage..accusing me of being selfish for expecting her to emphasize....

[@amandainsa1048]

You are so On Point with your wisdom. Your videos are so validating and comforting. And Gus is so adorable!! You are a blessing, Dr. C!! I'm so grateful to have you and Gus in my life.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you so much!, Amanda!

[@timothydraper6626]

Interesting to think how these negative judgements are a consequence of the internalised shame, which is behind the narcissistic contempt.

[@angelazsiga7814]

When my old and sick beloved pet passed away this person whom I thought I trusted and know for a long time just came out and asked me if my pet kicked the bucket yet. Just one example of pure evil. That was the end of that relationship.

[@ronaldmcdonald3965]

My joke is "talking to my family is like talking to Aunt Susie" She was the crazy Aunt. Behavioral profile 1) Starts with a loud, blunt assertion 2) The question was often driven by jealousy 3) Facts are wrong or massive lack of understanding 4) puts you on the spot

[@lindavestal8139]

My narcissistic mother said to my sister, who had just been diagnosed with late stage liver cancer, when my sister told our mother that she would no longer be able to help her with her weekly grocery shopping, "I guess I will just have to find someone else." That's all she said. My sister died 3 months later. Mom did not attend my sister's memorial service.

[@lorenconey5635]

Wow! Trying to find a purpose for people like this. Perhaps God created narcissism for people who are so hard to love that they substitute by fabrication of false love of themselves? How much time do we waste "trying to figure them out"? Free yourself and love someone who has not poisoned your wellspring of life. Sorry to hear of your loss and praying for your healing.

[@sudhakhristmukti1930]

😢😢I am so sorry..

[@denisesatt7044]

🤗

[@Liz9999]

So sorry you lost a sister and have a mother like that .

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

Your poor sister. I'm so sorry.

[@begonia3546]

When you are consistently corrected & no correction is needed or wanted. Then being asked repetively, did you do this or that, things that you dont ask an adult, as if your reminding a child to do! Overtime it becomes normalized & you dont see why your so full of self doubt! How do you tell a narc calmly to knock it off without letting them know your onto them.

[@-beTHEchange-123-]

I've learned so much from you. I've taken my life back and chose my own peace and joy.

[@choosepeacetoday]

Here is a statement made to me when I confronted him on calling me a lousy person. I said " I felt hurt when you said I was a lousy person". It is important to note I confronted him a couple of weeks later at a time he seemed approachable. He calmly responded " If a person is lousy, you should tell them." (That was definitely a moment of clarity for me.)

[@laurel7309]

Last year my grandmother passed away, and my sister had to have surgery because she was badly burned. The timing of my Grandma's memorial and my sister's surgery was right around my nephews birthday. While my mom was in the car on the way to my Grandma's memorial (my mom's mom) my sister in law called her and told her how upset she was about the timing of the memorial, and my mom needing to fly out to be with my sister. She said she was planning a birthday party for my nephew and guilted my mom about it. This wasn't the only time she's been like this. She is EXTREMELY cold hearted. Way to kick someone when they're down and grieving.

[@chellyw8427]

I have been spit on, and my hearing loss made fun of and used against me. It sucks. They really are dangerous disturbed people 💔

[@keithstewart7514]

Mother said to me that I'm just so different than my older sibling she just couldn't ever see or treat me as an equal, I'm 58 years old tired of abuse!

[@rg-mi5hh]

We have had several of these kinds of neighbors in close proximity for the last 12 years. Just want to find a place no where near people again. A few good ones in the bunch have kept us sane. Thank God there are still normal people in the world. No boundary setting even sinks into their brain. Repeat button on boundaries does nothing. Can't live here anymore.

[@dadsocksss]

In my early twenties, I had gone down to visit my family in FL from NY. Before I was about to drive across the country alone with my dog, the last thing my father deeply NPD said to me was “If you wrapped yourself around a tree, I honestly wouldn’t give a shit”. He was later upset at me when I said I didn’t want to speak to him when I got back to NY because I was still feeling so hurt.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's evil. You deserve so much better. Please watch the video, A New Way Of Defining Narcissism. It's about the absence of love. Peace to you, Miloh.

[@ILoveJesus1010]

My 25 year old son passed away in August 2022. At his service my narc sister got up to say a few words. After she was done, she walked over to me and said "Now let me see YOU do something like that." 😡 At the luncheon after his service she met me and my husband at the door and directed us towards the bar and said "help yourself to a beer." Well, we're in recovey and in our most vulnerable state. She is pure evil!!! I have been no contact with her for a couple years. Unfortunately, I had to see her for my son's services.

[@SystemJunkie77]

Narcs ALSO value respect! They demand to receive it, but they certainly do not give it.