Compilation Of Michael's Best Jokes About Babies And Toddlers | Michael McIntyre

[@tearnor3103]

Whenever I need a giggle or laugh out loud I come back to Mr McIntyre.

[@harrislondon]

The way he said "theft" had me dieing 😅

[@karrahxeros1103]

Same 😂

[@katarinasuljug5033]

dying*

[@briannasproule362]

Katarina Šuljug literally who gives a toss, this was 2 months ago ahahah

[@zahrahusain5965]

The way you spelled dieing had me dying

[@_coops397]

@@karrahxeros1103 ha

[@breannareed3161]

I am so happy I found this dude. Best comedian EVER!

[@chriswilliams6568]

AwstheticBunny He is great yes, but check out Dave Allen too.

[@NyanyiC]

Listen to his Audiobook. Its available on here on KZbin somewhere

[@lastjellyontheplate8828]

@@chriswilliams6568 Dave Allen is crap, boring , not even humorous. Sean Locke is the guy.

[@chriswilliams6568]

@@lastjellyontheplate8828 millions would disagree, and I have never even heard of Sean Locke.

[@lastjellyontheplate8828]

@@chriswilliams6568 Dave Allen is old hat, and if you haven't heard of Sean Locke then you're probably not English.

[@girlradiodemon3693]

"you never wake a sleeping woman" so true

[@iim4xii129]

Or a sleeping man.

[@carolelangat-fortune4557]

🤣🤣🤣

[@mikeylikesit525]

Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, India, Juliet, Kilo, Lima, Mike, November, Oscar, Papa, Quebec, Romeo, Sierra, Tango, Uniform, Victor, Whisky, Xray, Yankee, Zulu. For those wondering.

[@techtitanuk5609]

That's what q is thanks

[@steelleey7263]

India, indigo can sound like kilo on broken net.

[@mikeylikesit525]

@@steelleey7263 oop didn't notice I thought it said India

[@HighTen_Melanie]

G is for Gnome according to Michael.

[@hellonobody3321]

Woundering what?

[@ShawolOT5]

G for gnome. 😂🤣😂 I lost it!

[@summerelford5208]

N for gnome

[@gardenjoy5223]

And here come I convinced he actually meant genome.

[@renyputman7118]

I remember my mum telling me what my first word was. Mama and papa are the Dutch words for mum and dad. Turns out the first word that came out of my mouth was mapa. So when I yelled MAPA I'd basically ask both my parents to come.

[@leonie93]

Haha my son is 2 and when he wants both of us he also says mapa 😂

[@maikevanb]

My mom doesn't remember my first word because: "You always talked so much!" ... Being the 3th child.

[@randomstuffings2866]

In my language mapa means map. (Filipino if you're wondering).

[@kevartje1295]

I don't know what my first word was but I Always called paracetamol (asprin) pielepallepolletjes XD

[@mariakhan7986]

My first word was cow and my 16 yr old aunty used to complain cause she was certain it was directed to her.

[@phillipasoocinnamonroll4812]

As a baby I, apparently couldn’t say „hello“, „hi“, „hey“ or anything like that. I could however say „how do you do?”

[@katiefly5901]

Omg you must have been the cutest, most accidentally sophisticated baby ever

[@Jess_ica2927]

This is so British and so excellent

[@kylamamber9080]

My little brother, he's three, can't say duck yet he can say platypus.

[@Kim-vs4vb]

😀 so cute

[@govaxx8884]

My first word was.. Daddaddaddaddaddaddadd

[@MaikaRose]

HE'S FRENCH!! 😂

[@menogustaanyofthisbullshit8525]

HE'S A GENIUS!!

[@emmajane96]

Marielle Hjeltnes she’s talking about what Michael said in the video, dumbass

[@mepoopsies1905]

😂 had to clutch my stomach, laughed so hard 🤣

[@DragonLuver44]

@@idek6219 learn to spell British DUMBASS

[@rubym-d4132]

Marielle Hjeltnes takes one to know one

[@taylor7017]

The three dislikes are from the family whose child STOLE his kids toy head

[@laurenhawes7201]

Its at 298, its a war against lineages now

[@EmmaRiddle543]

It’s now in the 300s

[@djmcconnelltt11]

Absolute talented entertainer! Hysterical, without having to use expletives unless it’s absolutely essential!

[@alexdiaz4181]

Hello Denise how are you doing today,merry Christmas

[@TheRoxen92]

I’ve just discovered this amazing comic, and now I can’t stop watching his videos... I’m laughing my head off 😂😂😂

[@Christiediddy]

Playgroup.... summed it up amazingly!!!! 😂😂

[@katiefly5901]

"Licking batteries..." 😂

[@Saartje05]

The child of friends of mine was very quick with talking. When they took him to the doctor she asked them if he could already make small sentences, two or three words in a row. And their boy answered with. 'Mommy, what does that woman want from me?'

[@moiramontoya1023]

Me as a baby!

[@littleboots9800]

My kid was freakishly good at memorising random stuff she heard and when a friend and I took our kids through an echoey tunnel the kids started shouting "ECHO!" to hear their voices sounding back and my kid shouted "ECHO LOCATION DEVICE!!!" We were like wtf??! 😂 must've heard it on the TV. Precocious little shit.

[@karenax254]

LOL!!

[@Salicat99]

My best friend's daughter was around 18 months old when my husband asked how she was feeling that day. She replied, ummm exuberant.

[@greenoscc]

wooowww amazing

[@jemmagrice3218]

6:52 “It’s snowing In August” Michaels been watching Nanny McPhee

[@susanwesterfield9241]

My grandson couldn't say top but he could say abacus. Go figure.

[@ixlnxs]

The running gag is that in wealthy families the first world babies are taught is prenuptial arrangements. Which is sort of true ;)

[@Icebluegel11]

My son wouldn’t say please but could say lawn mower

[@lucasfoster2009]

I HAVE BEEN WATCHING HIM FOR 2 YEARS NOWW NEVER BORD

[@jaz58107]

Omg Michael I love you. You've saved my sanity throughout this lockdown what a gift to humanity you are 🥰😂

[@jesseleighbrackstone8365]

I make a point of listening to Michael for at least fifteen minutes daily. I’m a much nicer person because of this ritual, and I haven’t murdered my husband yet, which was definitely on the table before Michael came in to our lives!😃 Blessings! 🙏🏻 Jesse.🌹

[@nicolah6568]

N for knickers. Absolutely one of Michael's funniest things he's ever said

[@leticia1579]

When I was learning English as a child I had "x for x-ray" :D

[@sleepyhead1707]

Or xylophone

[@sepgorut2492]

That was a very weird way to learn English.

[@zoeadams2635]

X-ray is pronouncing the letter X, but xylophone is how it is used in a word, like a "z" sound.

[@vampirequeen017]

You must be an Aussie ☺️ am I correct ? Or not even close ?

[@nafeesainaayaiqbal9794]

hes the best comedian by farrrrrrr

[@MissYunichan]

He's French accent is so good !!

[@terri241]

Love Michael"s humour. His humour has a great deal in common with the sensibility of women humourists. Nice to see a man who "gets it"!

[@nafisa.t13]

NO JOOOS I'm dying xDDD

[@Succeshero-yw1rl]

Not so funny peanutbrain

[@corinamartell3156]

Laughing and snorting at the same time🤣💜

[@k8xt]

A for aisle C for czar E for euphoria G for gnome H for hour K for knurl N for mnemonic P for pterodactyl Q for queue T for tmesipteris W for wryly

[@stephanieellis5399]

This is awesome. What you're really doing is testing their spelling abilities.

[@lynnetrathen4587]

This guy is awesome and he doesn’t use vulgar or filthy language 🤣🤣

[@thebee8415]

Look up on KZbin Michael McIntyres Midnight game show you’ll be in the stitches

[@suleskos.2743]

"G for gnome" Im totally using that! 😀

[@HopelessSinner]

That is SO accurate about the diseased toys in manky church halls!! #playgroups

[@natralskitsophrenia8465]

XD the random man in the audience calling out "Curry!" X3

[@KarenAtLongNeck]

One of my sons first phrases were. “Don’t do dat”. And Put dat down”. I felt it a reflection of my parenting. 😉

[@donnakerr4997]

YOU LITERALLY CAN NOT BEAT BRITISH HUMOUR 👏👏👏

[@gwae48]

TRUE. ONLY CANT UNDERSTAND HALF OF WHAT MM SAYS. TOO LOUD, TOO FAST. I KNOW HE CAN BE FUNNY BUT NOT WORTH THE EGFORT. TRY SLOWER AND LESS DEAFENING, MM !!!!!

[@lastjellyontheplate8828]

@@gwae48 oh well at least Brits can understand everything he says

[@shananalexander9789]

My daughter Sarah wants to see you in a live performance. She has tried for almost 5 years. You are too popular. She is now going to Montana in the states because her husband is in the military. Thank you for being so funny and I myself have had a wonderful time watching you. The Dentist is the funniest thing I have ever seen. I told my son who lives in Colorado to watch it. He enjoyed it as much as I did.

[@ekleamon1]

He is arguably the funniest comedian on the planet.

[@jojodagostino7806]

In Italy we use the names of the towns to spell words... same struggle: when you need it, you can't think of a single town with the letter you need! 😂

[@hopeprendergast]

2020 anyone👀... nope? Just me binge watching all of his shows? Okay...

[@lemonteacore]

When you realize his kids are now 14 and 11

[@smileandwaveboys]

Anna T wait what

[@charlottedeacon6031]

Anna T I already knew! It feels strange watching this!

[@squiggle.64]

Oh wow-

[@inez7625]

That’s really weird, his eldest son is the same age as me I swear he was younger 🤔

[@unknownuser-nl7ey]

Omg no way

[@whyuhere-q2k]

Help its 2am and everyone's alseep. HES FRENCH!!!

[@hannahjardine3047]

My little brother says no all the time! It’s so funny he’s 18 months and it’s so cute 🤣 and Micheal is so funnyand what he says is so true as well 🤣😂🤣😂

[@jhutch1681]

Slight age gap?

[@lisasmith9268]

English isn’t even my first language and I had X- for “Xylophone”

[@tabethahowell5859]

He really is fantastic

[@jjuniper721]

I love the curtain between the different jokes😍

[@elizabethmish6891]

I love how he says he had another baby. Lolol

[@candisvaught721]

Love this guy laughter guaranteed sides will hurt

[@danyal22]

N for knowledge

[@Mad9977]

"sorry i was busy" 😂

[@johnlargan6045]

Genius!

[@nammoyosto-.-6125]

m for mnemonic

[@jayamarillo628]

P for Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis

[@OverWims]

P for psychic

[@heather8498]

Nick Winz it’s actually pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis not koniosis. Lol sorry I’m just a dumb 12 yr old that somehow knows how to spell the longest word in the English dictionary...

[@tillyhossain1049]

i'm crying so much my eyes sting like hell right now

[@linettelovejoypiwnicki3792]

I love you so much @Michael McIntyre!!! You are truly a gifted and amazing comedian and help to amazingly lift the vibration of this wonderful blessed world even higher… Thank you so very much for helping to brighten my life, Dude! And thank you to everybody involved in sharing this video with all of us! God bless everybody and everything everywhere joyfully, peacefully, funly, deliciously & cleanly! Woo hoo! Thank you very much Mother/Father God/Universe! 🙏💡😇⚓️🍀🪴✨🎉🦀🍶🙂🎂🇺🇸☮️🌟💚💐🌈👍🏽💖😜👌🦤🎈🦾🏍👏 much respectful love to all from Texas! 🇨🇱✨🎉

[@tricorvus2673]

Have you seen the Boston hornbook Primer? "Xerxes the Great did die; and so muft you and I". At least Xylophone is cheery XD XP

[@_Pixiara_]

My Mum worked for the army, we use Alpha zulu etc in my house, lol.

[@TheTradge]

I always use the nato phonetics when trying to spell something on the phone like my surname or postcode, I was never in the army or police I just learned it for some reason =P

[@Apricate.]

Alot of people use it. It wasn't made for the military and it isn't exclusive for them either

[@chriswilliams6568]

We in the Travel industry in Canada use the phonetic alphabet over the phone to prevent mistakes in passenger names as it is so important it be exactly the same as the name on their passports. But when we speak to USA suppliers they often do not know it. Same as they rarely know the 24 hour clock.

[@mama--rua]

His talent is seeing the comedy in our everyday life. Mu husband makes me laugh all the time accidentally.

[@noix666dezephir]

It should be X for Xanax lol "You'll need that when you grow up love"

[@margaritabishop6595]

He is so funny it's clean fun and I love it that the royals are being a part of it nice

[@tev4him1]

He is soooo friggin funny😂😂

[@Camilla550]

*“If a celebrity has died or it’s snowing.”* 😂😂😂

[@xalexis.editsx]

"Nooooo Jeeewwws" 😂😂

[@nadia689]

That was the quickest 10 minutes of my life

[@peyvandarabi3143]

This guy is comedy genius 🤣

[@V4zz33]

As a non-native English speaker living in the UK for a while I can say, that the phonetic alphabet is the first thing that you will learn to use, if you are willing to learn the language at all or to integrate, because you'll have to spell soooo many things about yourself, or just because the pronunciation is not on point.;))

[@sitcomchristian6886]

I'm an American secretary, and speak with many different nationalities bearing many different accents over the phone. One of my favorite types of people to speak with is the person who has a heavy accent, but they KNOW that and they spell everything phonetically! Although I'm pretty good with accents now, and never want to embarrass anyone, it can be a huge help.

[@santrolli]

Love him 😅

[@toukie]

My father used to say "You spend the first 2 years of your child's life to teach them to walk and talk... and then the rest of their lives wishing they would just sit down and shut up" also, I work in customer service and what makes me laugh is when I "N like Nancy?" and I get "No, N like November" as a response

[@gilashroot8697]

I actually thought the same thing about Xylophone until 2 weeks ago when we were at the music lessons and the first thing they pulled out was a Xylophone 🙈. Love the "G" for Gnome. That goes well with the "K" for knife and "I" for king 🤓.

[@monkeyhall5149]

He wants brioch HES A GENIUS!!!!

[@Oc3anFlow3r]

LOL "He's French!!!!" Canadian here, when we told our two children that we were going to have another baby, our 4 yr old asked, "Will it have a British accent like Nana and Grandad?" LOL

[@justalizardd]

I’m Keith’s and I’m cry-laughing. My little siblings have done the same thing 😂

[@Lotto15719]

My sister started babbling and forming words from a few months old. I didn’t speak until I was two years old. And then I just spoke full sentences. So yeah, everyone is different.

[@TheBeckinator2000]

Exactly.

[@katiefly5901]

Dude, babies escalate from 0 to Genius in like a friggn year. Meanwhile, I'm over here fumbling with a USB drive, still trying to figure out how to fit it into its stupid port.

[@Turtle-Melon]

"You will never meet a xylophone player in your life!" Me, someone who actually plays xylophone: Well lucky you!

[@Demostravius]

I genuinely once had a taiwaneese guy on the phone read out 'E for Eye'

[@sharonmullins1957]

The camera person must go crazy with him. So funny, but a bit hyper.

[@karenfakir7815]

Love Michael ❤️

[@kennymurdock]

🥺 Brilliant

[@MariankGonzalez]

No turkey no car should be a song. XD

[@debbiesb7543]

Worked for an airline. On our first day on the phones my co worker blanked and said v for vagina lol

[@rosiesmith4649]

LOVE THIS HAHAHA! SO FUNNY 😂💓😂💓

[@meganjones3546]

N for Knickers 😂😂😂

[@lucyjohnson2451]

My boy couldn't say superhero went round asking g for shitinaboat

[@satsumamoon]

One of my todlers would jump up and down and excitedly shout "fuck! Fuck!" I worried people would think he had be raised realy badly so I would have to correct him so as everyone could hear "yes darling, its a big truck!"

[@angelhelp]

Michael... looking for a word to use when verbally clarifying an alphabet letter can be even better if you quote from this book: "P Is for Pterodactyl". The book is subtitled: "The Worst Alphabet Book Ever". I await a new video... heehee! I am SO glad I happened to find your videos! You're hilarious!

[@Mad-RCandHOBBY]

"he's french!" 😂

[@victoriabriffa7066]

I really like this episode of Michael mycentyre he is so funny in this episode

[@Tiffany-bd1eb]

A for Aisle, B for Bravo, C for Cue, D for Double-u, E for Eye, F for Four, G for Gnat, H for Honor, I for Ian, J for Jalapeno, K for Knight, L for Lima, M for Mnemonic, N for Nine, O for Ouija, P for Phrase, Q for Queue, R for Row, S for Sea, T for Tsunami, U for Urge, V for View, W for Why, X for Xylophone, Y for You, Z for Zoo.

[@agataolejarczyk1496]

🤣🤣🤣 You're a monster! 😂😂

[@lagwagonneverstops]

I once said K for Kit-Kat down the phone to student loans. Both the call handler and my mam and sister were in hysterics.

[@sagarsunar]

😄😄😄

[@angelarbab0091]

The french part had me loling

[@rubym-d4132]

I'm watching this for like the 400th time lol x

[@jakeetschannel2031]

G, for gnome.. I've actually used that before! 🤣

[@avelteavelte6606]

It’s snowing in August 🤣

[@bigguy906]

that spotlight guy is getting his workout🤣

[@kian72olner]

P for pterodactyl

[@shaya9745]

“no joosssss” 😂😂

[@its.cassie]

Evening primose oil induces labour 9/10x! Totally recommend (no sooner than 2 weeks before the due date)

[@Niki-mp8qe]

When my boy was in playschool and took him in the others would mistake me as one of the people working there 🤣

[@andrewdawson3525]

No matter how much I see this "you will never meet a xylophone player in your life" will always be funny

[@cats2537]

I had a woman on the phone say, 'Y' for 'U'. She meant Y for you of course but it did take me a moment

[@nicolebremner6734]

I got e for eye

[@Humannbeing]

why is this tagged "NoJews"

[@danielahitstheroad]

It helps to watch the video...

[@ranzr1285]

Because there's a joke about his son saying No Jews instead of juice when he was learning to speak 😂

[@eleo_b]

@6:20

[@bodiddlymitchell5877]

I so wondered myself. Glad it's not what I thought.

[@soilgrasswaterair]

Ranz R by tagging it as such it’s to attract an audience who search such a thing which makes it dumb af because the joke wasn’t about that but about not being able to say juice and if you can’t see why it’s dumb af you need to read up!

[@cellogirl20]

First you've got to set the house on fire then you've got to knock on the door... "fire department!" "Evacuate!"

[@jayamarillo628]

what?

[@junojay4563]

@@jayamarillo628 curry + sex = labour

[@saiyancat5447]

I work on the phone all day and in the beginning before I had bothered to learn the phonetic alphabet all I could think of for B was Beer 😅

[@katiefly5901]

Lol whoops

[@hehehehe6468]

xD, How can u be that funny 😂😂 When u like ur own comment😭😭

[@katiefly5901]

Lol every time 🤙 We can't help it! Us commenters are just so funny!

[@Nana-vi4rd]

I met an xylophone player when I was about 9 years old. He had one in his living room, he also had a black bathroom.....walls, sink, tub, toilet all black with huge pink and blue circles on the black ceiling. I guess it was to freak his drunk friends out when they came over....