Dating As An Introvert (Common Challenges & Tips To Help)

[@CourtneyRyan]

Go to our sponsor betterhelp.com/courtneyryan for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.

[@tommygunn6901]

I strongly disagree...I don't think therapy helps. Otherwise men wouldn't be shuffled so many times, which would help incline them to go

[@panementalcomricardorosa.6681]

Will do. Thank you;)

[@Serlewsh]

Better help is sketchy. Please do more research on them and stop promoting them.

[@ItsSFChris]

While I absolutely agree that therapy is useful for all, unlike some mouth-breathing knuckle draggers. But BetterHelp is a predatory sponsor that you do not want to associate yourself with if you care for your viewers. They sell user data and don’t even hire licensed therapists, so you have have no idea who you’re talking to nor are they held to confidentiality terms. Love the vid Courtney but please be aware of you choose to let sponsor you.

[@ssbVanilla]

better help is bad

[@Harikejn]

Important things: 0:47 First Thing ÷ Putting Yourself Out There; 3:34 Second Thing ÷ Initiating Conversations; 5:05 Third Thing ÷ Slower To Open Up; 7:07 Fourth Thing ÷ Pressure To Be Outgoing; 8:39 Fifth Thing ÷ Fear Of Rejection; and 11:11 to summarize all the told here. Additional thing is this one: Sixth Thing ÷ Have Balance When Being Relaxed, And When Being Serious. Sometimes, no matter what we do, we are simply left at the mercy of things and situations. But that's just simply life. Putting us on temptations. But important thing is: Don't give up on yourself, and your goals. You don't know who are you inspiring. Which means believe in yourself.

[@Atius8]

Rejection is a redirection, I like that. I still hate starting conversations with strangers, and it drives me up the wall when as a man, women expect me to.

[@PRdude]

I'm an introvert, and I've actually had people tell me that they like talking to me. I value discussions with some sense.

[@CourtneyRyan]

👏🏼

[@iamjuan6762]

I’m an introvert, and I find that any activity helps me communicate better and feel better. So I try to avoid sitting down at restaurants… at least on the first date.

[@CourtneyRyan]

👏🏼👏🏼

[@erikrosalen1819]

It's true! Not just for dating but socially in general. I realised that whenever I'm just sitting there, the more nervous I get when no topic of conversation comes up. Now when I'm doing an activity in between (exercise, walking or even studying with my group) I'm way more talkative and charismatic, sometimes I'm someone else, totally extroverted (thought that mostly depends on my mood and the company)

[@entertainmentyoutube3606]

Dates are the most awkward thing, to everyone, it's better just bump into the person and then you will go naturally to other place if you are having a lot of fun

[@jonhadley-zx2iu]

I'm not so much of an introvert,but I do have a Compromised Immune System, due to past work-place exposure to toxins So as a result one might say that I would lack self confidence.......!

[@panementalcomricardorosa.6681]

Being an introvert is no picnic. I became one during my teenage years after being bullied and laughed at by my classmates. Taking martial arts boosted my confidence but I still get those flashbacks whenever I think about approaching a beautiful lady. Thank you and have a great day 🎉

[@Mysticmegster1]

I don't think rejection is the problem: some women don't want to be approached and some feel uneasy when we approach them. Knowing the appropriate time and place to approach is a big part of it

[@johnmooney4983]

Yes i agree with you. Its like asking her for her kidney

[@neilt6480]

I was always afraid of making her feel as uncomfortable as I was, which naturally came across as creepy.

[@CGMedia2023]

MOST women don't want to be approached, the others are just cruising for their next #metoo story.

[@nerigarcia7116]

As an introvert, I hate hanging out with extroverts who feel I need to match their energy to be having fun, participating, etc. No, I just don't feel the need to announce myself all the time. Unfortunately, in society that's what stands out, but to me I always see it as overcompensating for a lack of something else over confidence. I can't be around those who are on all the time, it's annoying. The older I get, the more I don't care about what others think of me, so my fear of rejection goes down as well.

[@dat868]

This convo about introverts plays in to the unrealistic standards of women. Introverts have a lot of admirable qualities but most women expect the man to always have something to say and to keep them engaged and entertained but that's not our job and women of the past did not demand that their men hold their attention 24/7.

[@highlanderknight]

This times ten....

[@Ray03595]

this 100%. It seems people need constant stimulation when they are next to any individual. Sitting in silence is fine sometimes. There doesn't always have to be something to do or something to say.

[@brazmann9571]

yeah, that's my biggest struggle. it seems like most women just kind of stare at you and judge you waiting for you to say something edgy or funny, and if you don't, you've failed the test. just makes it difficult to be real with yourself, and any social interaction just exhausting. first dates are kind of different, since you want to make a good impression, and maybe show off a little, but this expectation that we should all be super charismatic and funny all of the time is just unrealistic and fake.

[@Courtney-Alice-Gargani]

I don't open up to people until I get to know them and build that trust.

[@jaymanilla289]

if your a man, don't ever open up to your partner, she'll lose respect for you and probably dump you. and she'll use whatever you said to her to attack you, also never say that you love her first maybe 1 time out of every 10 times she says I love you say it back.

[@xxxlonewolf49]

Most people are NOT worth the time & effort to find out. Watch them for 5min and you can see what kind of person they are.

[@crazykev6491]

@@xxxlonewolf49actions over verbal anytime!

[@xjoemallardx]

​@@xxxlonewolf49go to church..

[@OneFreeMan17]

@@jaymanilla289Agreed. I’ve read way too many horror stories about when men show their emotions and feelings to a woman, their relationship pretty much ends.

[@angelbladez1]

I want to personally thank Courtney here. I thought I had no prospects of dating until I finally put myself out there on a Christian dating app. After a few dates, I am glad to say that my girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 months. Prayers up for Courtney. I hope she keeps getting blessed by the Lord for all she does here. 🙏 Her advice works, people! She ain’t saying this for no reason.

[@CourtneyRyan]

You’re so kind and I’m beyond happy for you! Thank you for sharing this with me, I needed it today 🤍🥺 hugs!

[@wangtoriojackson4315]

"Antisocial" is the wrong word to use in describing introverts. "Asocial" is what you mean to say. Someone who is "antisocial" is not someone who simply has low desire to participate in social activities, it is someone who desires to actively work against society. Charles Manson is an example of someone who is antisocial.

[@467076]

I think most people think being "introverted" means being inside, alone all the time, or weird. Just look at the comments. Being introverted means your social battery gets filled up a lot quicker, therefore you need less of it before you interact people again. People have confused the two.

[@xxxlonewolf49]

We are picky & haze ZERO fucks to give with noisy talky attention demanding CHILDREN masquerading as an adult.

[@JACQUEZ23]

Facts

[@ben_spiller]

You're correct, but it's become a colloquialism. It's almost never used in its original context.

[@mediaguy4997]

Go on lad fucking tell her 😂

[@Syluxsify]

As an introvert, I find that dating is surprisingly easier than other social situations. You're usually 1 on 1 and it's okay to get deeper into the subjects you want to talk about.

[@cheeselover626]

I really enjoy the way Courtney talks with her hands in these videos. Not over-the-top distracting but rather very in tune with the specific words and phrases. Helps so much to not just see stiffness.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Thank you 🥹

[@LightsCameraJake]

I recently discovered im Ambiverted. As in, if im around other introverts I can be a little more extroverted to help THEM open up and feel comfortable but if im around a lot of extroverts I shut down lol.

[@lendily7208]

Dating challenges as an introvert? Difficulty meeting people. The reality is that it takes me a long time to open up and feel comfortable with someone, by which time the person has already met new people and lost interest in me. Every person I meet, I wish I hadn't met, because I don't meet that many and they just disappear without explanation. Trying to start a conversation with someone I don't feel comfortable with seems like a nightmare and in the end they're not interested. Why do I still try? No girl gives me a chance, how can we evolve if we're always rejected and most of the time we don't even know why? I wish I was enough... Thanks for another video Courtney and I hope you're well.

[@jfranco6852]

You might have mentioned this in the vid but I think one problem introverts have is we overthink things and situations and at times wnd up misreading them.

[@davidchambers44]

One thing that might help introverts is trying to meet people through friends and in social outings. That way theres people present whom you already know so its more comfortable.

[@highlanderknight]

Makes sense, but introverts usually have a smaller social group of friends. Not to mention they usually aren't hanging around in social groups.

[@AlexanderSkinnerVids]

The fact that it’s more acceptable for women to be introverts than men is unacceptable. Even more unacceptable is how some men prefer for women to be introverted, while women almost never prefer for men to be introverted.

[@narayana1117.]

Many women like men who can be deep thinkers, who have deep feelings and are sensitive. The "problem" is that an introvert person has to learn how to bring his inner world outside, to other people. This is a real challenge, but I think that an introvert person who has learnt this will bring to others so much joy, help, and will surely receive appreciation!

[@bellmane45]

@@narayana1117. An introvert that does that, is no longer an introvert.

[@highlanderknight]

As a man being an introvert, it IS more difficult. It seems most women are more social, want a man that is outgoing and probably exciting because he's outgoing. Someone she can show off to her friends when you'd rather just be with her alone and don't want to talk in large groups. Not to mention being introverted means you seem like a loner, and women question why you are a loner, suspect you may be creepy. There are definitely more hurdles to overcome.

[@narayana1117.]

@@bellmane45 Is an introvert who has achieved full power 😉. He can communicate his introverted ideas, feelings, etc. to the world.. He also can guide others into the discovery of their own inner world

[@JACQUEZ23]

​@@narayana1117.Ehh

[@Guigley]

The hardest part for me is putting myself in a position to meet people. Making that initial first contact has always been tough. After that, it's pretty easy.

[@socrattt]

That's a good thing to know about yourself. I love coffee, and I'd go to the store to buy some. I had to talk to the girl who served me. I didn't buy a coffee maker so I HAD to go.

[@johnsnow7575]

#metoo bud! Especially being in a place to meet women i like and initial convo. After that I’m good but those first two parts are terrible!

[@Cantst10]

You're not the only one brother

[@kylewilliams9907]

Same. I do not drink, nor want to be around it AT ALL...and that coupled with being an introvert seems to yield no chances at all ever. I'll try and covertly study women I think are attractive if I see one at the store or whatever, but invariably they seem to be wearing wedding rings or be dragging around multiple kids. Both situations I'm not keen on dealing with, or intruding upon whatsoever. It doesn't even matter that I'm a bodybuilder with abs pretty much all the time. Still no female attention (at least not positive).

[@socrattt]

@@kylewilliams9907 Being fit isn't nearly enough. You need an approachable energy. You gain that by having positive social interactions. Force yourself to interact with women. Get better at talking. Do that, and your energy will change. Approaching will be easier. Most guys give a rude, condescending, vibe. Typically, they don't realize it. Every time you talk to a cashier, ask yourself, "How could I have been better?" Even a short conversation will have dozens of mistakes - always. Find them; fix them, and you'll grow. Many guys say, "I'm nice," but they aren't. They are passive - that's not nice. Another trick is to think beautiful thoughts. Try and think well of others, and that will help, too.

[@dylancooper3690]

When I open up, I have the tendency to reveal too much, too soon.

[@k-bridge3071]

Thank you for highlighting the strengths/differences of introverts. We’ve gotten more love over the past few years, but it’s still an extroverts world (or at least, country).

[@victorremdt8520]

The problem I have is that it never gets to the point where The cant get a woman to meet for coffee a drink or a bite to eat. I am a mid 60s divorced man who either is invisible ignored or told that Im a great guyvby women but never want to do anything one on one with me. It has gotten very frustrating as no lady ever gives me a chance now.

[@joshlounsberry1523]

Sorry to hear that, you'll get there. Just keep trying.

[@gerardoa9179]

Go for younger women

[@thethesaxman23]

Great video Courtney!! I think the conversation and small talk point deserves its own separate video!! As an introvert, I struggle with this and my problem is usually coming up with questions to ask someone that I don't know yet. Once I know that person, and things about them, conversation is a lot easier. I think doing a video on conversation starters would be great and really helpful. It could even be an opportunity for the women on your channel to give feedback on conversation starters that worked for them. I know this would be very helpful for me, and I'm sure for others as well!

[@pharmcat8484]

When I was dating I got to know the owner of an ice cream bar near my house. He let us pull up a couple of tables and chairs and play board games (Settlers of Catan mainly) during his slow times. That was our compromise for going out with an introvert.

[@RickMoraOriginal]

Ballroom/Social dance classes are a great way to get over your "approach anxiety". Most dance teachers force everyone to change dance partners every couple of minutes, so you get to meet a lot of new people and practice your small talk in a short period of time. Also, at the end of most classes there is usually a practice time where you are free to ask anyone to dance with you, and the good news is that there is an "unspoken rule" where it is frowned upon to say no to an invitation to dance. Oddly enough, this makes the ladies bold enough to make the first move. Life is great!

[@ctguitarguy8510]

Dancing classes/events do really work well, but that is like an introverts nightmare.

[@stevethomas74]

The being sensitive part really hits home because I think that's a commonality with most introverts on dating apps especially. And I am speaking from (continuous) experience! 🙂 Thanks for making this one, Courtney ❤

[@josesantana770]

First It is appropriate to clarify what introversion IS NOT It is not shyness It is not feeling anxious It is not being reserve It is not not daring to act INTROVERSION IS A PERSONALITY TRAIT There is nothing wrong with introversion cause is part of an specific type of PERSONALITY, the same true for being extrovert YOUR FEARS, anxiety or shyness don't make you an introvert. Those only make you fearfull, anxious, and shy. Nothing else. An introvert has nothing to correct cause he considers there nothing to be corrected. It is part of his nature. PLEASE STOP BELIEVING IT IS A CONSEQUENCE AND DONT GIVE THE TERM IT A NEGATIVE CONNOTATION. Not a result of Social phobia, avoiding personality, agoraphobia or any other condition affecting social interactions. Last night went out to my favorite spot. This my favorite drinking place. More a Bar Restaurant, nice place for ADULTS. I've been going for a while. The head bartender in charge of the Bar you can consider AN EXTROVERT. She is very open but at the same time project a mixed of a strong and bubbly personality very hard to define, HOWEVER... ME being AN INTROVERT hardly pays attention to her. For some reason on the contrary she had my beer ready before I get to my sit. Definitely she treats Me especially. NOW THIS IS THE DEAL. Every time I talks to her she changes from being this extroverted, confident and secure woman and become this DELICATE FLOWER BARBIE LIKE PRINCESS. When I was about to leave I gave a Nice tip Her. Thank you, with a nervous smile Then it occurred to me to have the last say. I CALLED, she came However she misunderstood my calling her again thinking a misunderstanding with the tip amount, Then she went all nervous to the cash register and brought my money back ME : What are you doing? looking directly into her eyes Her: Oh, I'm sorry (all confuse) She went all around the bar this time to make sure she could hear me clearly Me: I just wanted to tell you I couldn't believe this big place didn't have Christian Brothers, which I love (smirk)Her: We don't have many order; but now that I know YOU drink it, I PROMISE YOU I have for the next time. I smiled and she smiled back. THE POINT being, clearly this woman has an extroverted personality. The fact that she acted differently doesn't mean she was transformed. The same way me being an INTROVERT does not limit me from having social or more PERSONAL interactions when it is required. I will continue keeping my distant from people and reading my books... NOT OUT OF FEARS, ANXIETY OR SHYNESS.

[@daniellehotsky1776]

I didn't read the whole post. Long story short - yes, introversion is not shyness or anxiety, but VERY often it goes hand in hand with each other. True story.

[@zachjones8982]

Courtney, thank you so much for this. I was particularly devastated recently when a girl I had really fallen for broke up with me, and I felt at my core that it was a failure on my part because of my nature as an introvert. I started watching a lot of videos on 'game' to try and help myself become more extroverted with girls and never lose someone like that again, but those videos never felt right for me, especially as a person of faith, because they have a tendency towards a hookup mentality that I really don't like. Thanks for reminding me that there's nothing wrong with being introverted, it just matters that I find the right match for me. Much love to you for this. ♥

[@728huey]

You just created a paradox. You said you shouldn't put yourself in places to meet people that make you uncomfortable to be around people, yet you can't grow as a person unless you get out of your comfort zone.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Getting out of your comfort zone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do things you don’t enjoy doing or pretend to like something to fit in. I don’t think forcing myself to go to the club to meet people will help me grow as a person LOL

[@Ezilla82]

I think the two things that are a challenge being an introvert man, but I'm working on is one is overthinking things (need to calm down a bit and rethink the pros and cons of what is causing my overthinking) and finally the negative self-talk (talk positive about yourself and don't let something negative bring you down). And yeah that's about it. Hope that helps someone out.

[@467076]

That's a low self esteem issue and not an introversion trait.

[@Ezilla82]

@@467076 True, but I'm saying it anyways like it or not.

[@Ezilla82]

@@467076 That might be true, but even introverts encounter overthinking and negative self-talk.

[@brianthesnail3815]

I find that 'doing something with someone' rather than just starting to talk to people. This was always a huge help in overcoming my introvert nature. I also practiced so I could overcome its worst effects. I met my wife age 19 and she is more outgoing than me so she helped as well.

[@Herozonex200]

As introvert myself, I struggled to even get a date or be in a relationship for 30 years of my life. I still dont get when people say "put yourself out there" because I do. All I do is go to movie theaters by myself sometimes or eat out to certain restaraunt by myself. I do put myself out there. Also, courtney, you're a savage for saying this 1:13 - 1:37. LOL I felt attacked hahaha.

[@macilentophobia]

9:26 You approach them in a weird way and make them uncomfortable, and/or they think you're ugly. Experienced that many many times. Can't even give them the key to the door if they don't find the initial look of the door interesting or appealing.

[@laangelsfan]

Life is sad .. sometimes 💯

[@Jim-y3b]

Totally helped thank u.im glad I found your channel..thank u

[@johnsec567]

Thank you deeply for your words, Courtney! I actually needed to hear this :,) I was never sure, because you never hear that introverted personalities can also be desired. You always hear and see how many people's expectations are, but they never involve the ones that keep to themselves. But as some say "still waters run deep" we have something in us rich and valuable, accepting it is the best gift to ourselves and in turn to others also who can appreciate us.

[@Matt_is_a_Boring_Name]

I’m an introvert but I went to a speed dating event last night. I left without a single match, so this video comes at a perfect time. Thanks for the tips.

[@jasonfitzpatrick414]

I'm kinda tired of being lonely. I guess I need to get busy. I tried riding a bike naked but I attracted the wrong response. I need to think outside the box, just not that far outside the box. Thanks Courtney, I'll keep trying.

[@abkeener81]

Hi, Courtney! Andrew Keener here. Spot on. Issues I personally face are: being told my direct communication is rude, not being able to read nonverbal cues (I think you did a video on this), and not liking surface level conversation (it has its place for two minutes tops) are just a few. In middle and high school (in the mid 1990s) ... I just preferred to keep to myself and observe my surroundings. Let's just say that staff at school thought that was atypical. Even my bullies stood up for me on this. It's not weird if people don't say much and keep quiet. Well ... maybe to those who say it's weird. I personally know that small talk has its place. What I've experienced is that many people I've conversed with don't want to take the conversation past that. If the conversation doesn't get past the weather and sports in about two or three minutes ... I'm tapping out.

[@ZhaoYun3154]

Going out into the physical world is always a good thing. Its always good to get out of the house and see the world with your eyes and interact with the world with your words, arms, and legs. As with everything, theres always room for nuance. Some introverts are good conversationalists and can take interest in other people, and some aren't and can't. Some extroverts are good conversationalists and can take interest in other people, and some aren't and can't. I think body language is a feature that shouldn't be taken too seriously. You could think that someone feels a certain way based on reading their body language, but their feelings could be the polar opposite of what you think they are, and you wouldn't know what or how they're feeling until they say it openly. Body language can be easily misinterpreted or read incorrectly. Verbal language is harder to misinterpret, but theres always the possibility that the person is lying, and if that is true, then that tells you something about them. Spoken verbal language is more important to listen and analyze than body language. Rejection is an experience that everyone faces. I think there are different types of rejection. One type of rejection is the version that you, Mrs. Ryan, referenced. The type of rejection that a person can face when someone has spent enough time with them to "know" them, and they aren't respected or appreciated you for who they are. Another type of rejection that a person could face is when they are meeting someone for the very first time, and for whatever reason, they make a bad first impression on the other person, and the person that was negatively impressed doesn't want to know anymore about the person who made the impression due to assumptions made or fears of being even more disturbed or traumatized. There may be more variants of rejection experienced than only these two.

[@BLynn]

Heh, as an introvert, I can say this does work. I push myself to socialize, one way is I play Table Top Role Playing Games, I got connected with a much younger group, and while I was gaming with them, I noticed one of their mom's was paying attention to me. Eventually, she had a problem with her phone & asked for help. I assisted & she asked if she could take me to dinner as a thank you. I told her that would be great because I had intended to ask her if she wanted to go to dinner. (I had set a timeframe after my divorce of not dating for that period of time & this was shortly after that time, otherwise I may have asked her out sooner.)

[@fd375]

Spot on, as always. Our world is a better place with kind, insightful, caring people like you. Truly heartening to find rare treasures like these amongst the vast majority of rubbish out there. You are Making a real difference. Sincerely Thank you !!! 😊

[@Vegaswill714]

I am well past the dating phase of my life, but I very much enjoy Courtney Ryan's KZbin content. I can state from experience, she gives excellent advice. I wish I had this when I was young and struggling with the dating world. No doubt things are way more difficult now, but there are some advantages that were not available back then.

[@lawrence31415]

On the topic of initiating a conversation with someone, I find taking a deep breath and saying to yourself "just be confident and polite" to be extremely helpful. I tried this a few weeks ago, and I ended up having a fantastic conversation with a woman while we were both waiting in an hour long line.

[@danielfranco5876]

I'm grateful that someone has touch this topic as all those things mentioned in this video happen to me. Thank you Courtney

[@moolis]

“Pick someone who picks you.” She’s attractive but she’s not attracted to you? Move on to the next one brother. Don’t waste your life impressing her to like you cuz you’ll be stuck doing that the rest of your life.

[@RisingChaos]

Kinda damned if you do, damned if you don't when nobody picks you though.

[@ryans413]

I’m an introvert but I’m not shy there’s a difference and I hate when people mix them up. I was at my sisters wedding and everyone was dancing but me it’s not that I didn’t want to dance I didn’t want to be up there with all those people in my way. I sat at the table and talk to the people at my table and I enjoyed myself when the music got slower my cousin asked me to dance with her so I did. All the extroverts were showing off and being the life of the party and I felt they were seeking attention and they kept trying to get me to do things and I wasn’t comfortable with it. Not that I was being rude but I’m okay just relaxing all the energy tires me out mentally. Sitting at the table talking to people one on one helped recharge me.

[@JaySmith-pv2mw]

I'm introverted and have never sought attention. But...I'm not socially anxious or unable to initiate conversations. Many people automatically are social, but for me, it has to be a CONSCIOUS decision. Also, I rarely connect with other people. I'm boring, too! LOL

[@jaymanilla289]

I think this is a great tip to help. when your on messanger stop texting, record voice messages when talking to your friends on messanger. this can help you practice speaking in general.

[@mIKE.TURNup]

My way as a introvert is to be myself and take life at my pace and not forcing anything to happen. Everyone is not for everyone . My ex wife was an extrovert and it did balance us out on a good way . Well the best we could. Just be yourself if meet her you meet her is what I say.

[@misterithereal]

I like to read books, cook my own meals, workout at the gym alone, spend quality time with my mother/father&brother, go out when only necessary, work with myself from home, and watch Educational content. I think I may be an Introvert, but maybe i don't need a therapist.... because I got Courtney's KZbin Channel.

[@isaacsailor1]

My issue in getting to meet anyone is that I approach too many public situations with an objective. I'm working on expressing myself in the moment to meet people that share values or sense of humor. My mental conflict when meeting new women is whether to engage on a superficial physical attraction level or to find a more meaningful connection in the moment.

[@sak1339]

Great advice and so charmingly delivered.

[@StevenAsadi]

Wow! I would have never thought you are an introvert

[@WilliamEAyala]

My fav convo starter at the gym is always “how many sets you got left?” lol usually I’m not asking for conversation but sometimes it does lead to one

[@CGMedia2023]

As an introvert I can honestly say that "signals" never, ever work. You have to spell things out or else it's not worth making a move. Especially in a political climate where only millionaire chads don't get accused of "rape" for looking at a woman. If we want games, we'll buy an X-Box.

[@kelvinoke6414]

U don't seem shy, or too soft-spoken.... it's really hard for a introvert to express his/herself like u do....i know dis, because I myself am an introvert

[@eliasnassour366]

Thank you Courtney, much appreciation of all your advices!

[@rasheedlewis1]

I just don’t know what to say to make the first move, specifically when I’m at somewhere mundane like the grocery store or something and I see someone I like physically. What do I say? “Hello, I like your shoes”? “What’s good, bb girl?”

[@JeffJohnson-db2nd]

introverts find large groups of people to be energy draining. and yes, we're more creative than extroverts. "Don't chase women, just be yourself, let them see you in your element and do things with confidence and let them come to you."- Morgan Freedman

[@alwaysemployed656]

I have a wild theory that introversion / extroversion may actually be a genetic trait and not a personality trait. I'm an introvert and I can feel it way deep in my bones that it's in my DNA, not a preference. I cannot be in or around a large group of people without feeling uncomfortable, especially if everyone is talking nonstop and each person is moving around in different directions. To me it registers as too much nonsensical activity to process. My comfort zone is always do something productive either alone or with one other person, like change the oil, fix the kitchen faucet, fix the washing machine, write a computer program, paint a portrait, etc. I cannot do any of that if there are dozens of people around talking about dumb stuff (politics, Justin Timberlake got a DUI, girls are nothing but trouble, blah blah blah... ). Anyway, I've noticed that being an extrovert is way more common with white people and black people while it is not common with middle race people. Middle race people are more likely to be introverts. Back in the old evolution days, people in the cold snowy climate areas survived by always being tied together in large groups. Same with south Africa, the people there survived by always being tied together in large groups hunting for food. Areas where the weather was way more tolerable, and food was grown from the ground is where people were able to survive in very tiny groups or entirely alone. There are signs of this in today's modern culture. The Hell's Angels is a club of bearded white guys always together in large groups riding motorcycles, and whatever else they do. Black guys are usually in a large group, posse. It's even visible in pop culture. Rap videos always show a large group of people in the videos. A heavy metal band is a group of five or six white guys headbanging in synchronicity. In contrast, a lot of Italian singers are solo artists backed by a studio band. Puerto Rican Luis Fonsi is a solo music artist. Italian guitarist Matteo Mancuso is a solo music artist.

[@robertcalkjr.8325]

Hi Courtney. That was wise advice. I always looked at rejection as a good thing. That way you can get on to looking for your soulmate.

[@victorremdt8520]

The problem for me goes deeper that just being introverted. I am also borderline ADHD and Asperger's. I have been trying to find resources that touch on that but have been unsuccessful so far. I don't even get to the point of even getting a date now.

[@chasewiedel2396]

I think my biggest challenges as an introvert when it comes to texting or dating women. I feel like I have to entertain any woman constantly or daily. Like it’s fun at first but sometimes I just want the woman to commit so I don’t feel so pressured. And when the woman flakes then I stop chasing because it’s too draining to chase or to pursue. Playing the game is exhausting to a certain extent and I rather just chill out and watch a movie at home. Don’t get me wrong , I like going out but mid game dating is tough for me. Because I lose interest

[@Yeahbruh200]

I'm not an introvert, but just going out doesn't do anything if you are average. I go out every day, mma, weight lifting, college classes, the store, yet no girls look in my direction. Going out does nothing, it's the same as staying inside

[@TheEntertainmentKnight]

Cool video Courtney I'm just 17 going on 18 this year but I will start dating soon very useful information

[@Farehaven]

It can be super hard as an introvert. Especially if some find you intimidating, being introverted makes it worse.

[@pharmcat8484]

Courtney is a great conversationalist with her camera 😂

[@CourtneyRyan]

😂😂

[@SWizz871]

I have the triple whammy: I'm an introvert with no smartphone and I don't drink. That being said, I do like going out dancing but having any conversation is impossible

[@dgwaters]

One of the reasons I went to college was to meet people, especially women. I did meet a woman at junior college but it didn't last long. I don't think she had the same feelings i had for her.

[@manuelsteele7755]

Don't underestimate introverts. When I was an undergraduate in the Midwest, I was introverted as a physics major. But one day in the dining hall I made a move on a young woman from Toledo right next to her boyfriend. The guy didn't even see me. Meanwhile, she clearly liked it and was blushing bright red. Although I was normally quiet and kept to myself, I had the strange intuition it would actually work. It did. I never did that again as an older adult. At the time, I and she were only 20 in 1989. What a way to end the 80s - lol.

[@agoogleuseranonymous2658]

That's how you get a first crashing on your face lol.

[@Pretzelman718]

As an introvert, it seems to take me longer to get dating experience than everyone else. I only seem to find someone that I really like once every few years and even then, I get so nervous about first dates that it's almost never a fun experience. Even after several years, I've never had more than a few dates with a girl before either she or I decide we're not interested.

[@spirit-smithentertainment-89]

Hmm introvert I kinda am an extrovert but I am kinda getting and becoming a little bit more like as an introvert because, I don’t get as much as social interaction with my friends as much as I used too, but on the other hand I still have to find ways to be social so I use my imagination to help me to not down screenplays to help my inner social day to day interactions. But anyways I have to say thank you very very much Courtney Ryan you have helped me a lot with my hat I needed to do in my life I switched my personality from wearing death like clothes, and not feeling like that anymore and feel more less like that you saved me another year without having do deal with heavy heavy stuff by managing my mindset and how i was able to switch up my mood, my life, and to have a nice way to how to improve my day to day routines I am even going to be going to the gym, more and getting more fit I feel better as a person more now than I used too. You have helped me a lot thank you very much, I felt like you have helped and so have the others in my life. I still do miss my grandfather a lot I know this has nothing to do with the video but I am saying that even if I miss him I shouldn’t miss him to the point of slipping into too much sadness and depression, and I am just happy that you where able to help me with the advice you give men and I am very very grateful for the advice you have given to several men and also including me as well. And The last thing I want to say is that I maybe an extrovert I also think to myself to what went wrong in high school, I know this something I need to get over but I feel this is the last time I need to say this and I will let it go but this has been on my chest for years to as of Why my compliments and chivalry why it never got recognized as me being a romantic, and as a casanova like was I doing something wrong back then, or was I attracting the wrong girls or did they not like me that way cause, back then being a teenager was a very difficult time for me to understand things like such as: reading cues like body language cues still bad at knowing that type of stuff, so I need a little help here otherwise I am very happy with what I have now in my life, with my girlfriend and everything else I have going for me.

[@Pikawarps]

The answer is to stop trying. Trying over and over and being rejected over and over, it’s not worth your time. Find your hobby and enjoy yourself. Maybe a woman will join you someday, maybe not.

[@OneFreeMan17]

Yeah I agree. I’ve tried enough at many things in life just to have every door shut in my face. I prefer to let the opportunities come to me, if ever, rather than chasing anything or anyone anymore.

[@scott8934]

This has been my mindset too! It’s just stressful worrying about trying to meet someone. I’m a lot happier when I just peruse other goals that aren’t reliant upon another person I don’t even know.

[@asiandude8361]

So true

[@jcmartinez7527]

I’ve lived with that philosophy. I don’t worry about it. Problem is, it’s been 8 years since my last relationship. And I have not met any women “organically”.

[@Ghostrider-ul7xn]

Opportunities are less likely to come to you if you're not born with qualities that majority seek in a partner. When you're not naturally born with those qualities, you'll have to put in more work to change mutable aspects of yourself to get opportunities. That's the bitter reality everyone needs to acknowledge.

[@bob_mosavo]

Thanks, Courtney 👍

[@ted-nelek-ne8tf]

Thanks, nice topic It's complicated for me Not like anyone else in my family Sometimes misunderstood,,, Extroverting is not my hobby but I do it as a necessity to go with the stream

[@alexmayberrythefirst]

Great advice, Courtney 👍

[@fredtacang3624]

Just be yourself and go for a fellow introvert. Relationships to me are built on compatibility more than anything else

[@nickmajora]

Courtney, I'd do some research on BetterHelp, there's a lot of negativity going around about them on KZbin. Have you considered doing a video of the man vs bear in the woods question that's going around?

[@ronm6585]

Thanks Courtney.

[@starboyxxo9867]

08:10 God, how I feel that. For some reason it became "established and commonly known" :D that I, allegedly, don't party. Just because I don't do clubs/raves etc. I'm pretty much the first to arrive and last to leave at every house party and spend ridiculous amounts of money on concerts. But I guess as long as you don't tear off roofs, cos you're an introvert, you're a boring party pooper... :)

[@ZainR]

Thank you for this

[@adambusenlehner3689]

Close to 3/4 million subs. Nice!

[@thenerdrobert3815]

As an introvert happily married for 10 years Number 1 rule for you to be succsesful in ur long term relationship never Date an extrovert person. Leave them alone. They re not made for you. They gonna turn your life into an endless challenge. Believe me they re not happy and confident as they look.

[@VideoGameRoom32]

I'm an extrovert at work and introvert at home.

[@justinsims5]

I've been rejected but I do get interest from some women. But then I often find myself rejecting them - some may call it being picky but I can't fake being interested. It's not unfair to not date someone because you have no interest, right? What do you say to a guy who keeps attracting women whom he doesn't have any dating interest in?

[@lawrence31415]

Happy Sunday, Courtney! How is Biscuit handling the Cone of Shame?

[@CourtneyRyan]

She is doing well! Now she’s wearing a surgical suit which is just a onesie for cats 😂 and I think she likes it more than the cone lol

[@lawrence31415]

​I'm glad to hear that Biscuit's recovery is going super well, and that she is free from wearing the cone! 🐈

[@jondrake1977]

Happy Sunday, Courtney. My introvert ass is playing soccer with 15+ people today, including some women. Then, reading a book at night. Best of both worlds.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Woohoo! Enjoy it! ❤️

[@socrattt]

I want to disagree a bit. Being genuine isn't enough. You have strong social skills, so you may not realize how it is for a lot of guys. I'm a genuine person, and women love that about me, but I had to learn the hard way how to do it. For example, I might ask a genuine question out of curiosity, but if I'm too familiar, a girl may become defensive. Then, I have to back off. If I respect her boundaries like that, she'll feel guilty. Other times, my question is so disarming that I skip five stages in the flirtation cycle. My point is that most guys cannot follow these dynamics, and they'll be genuine, and the girl will slam them. Dating is like going to war - you can do everything right and still die.

[@ttbjammn]

It is a battlefield out there dude....😕

[@socrattt]

@@ttbjammn If you aren't dead, you can keep fighting.

[@Herozonex200]

I hate to break it to you. I am shy and quiet! Thank you very much lol

[@radivojevasiljevic3145]

Asocial and antisocial are two very, very different concepts.They are similar like ship and sheep or stack and steak.

[@stephenkeddy6849]

Introverts don’t put themselves out there, talk into cameras or make KZbin videos. In fact we panic at the thought

[@CourtneyRyan]

That’s not necessarily true! There are plenty of introverts who do KZbin, including myself lol

[@christopherevans2801]

Introvert and shy are not the same thing. Shy people will be very reluctant to post videos or talk into a camera but some introverts are not shy at all. I am both shy and an introvert so my teenage and early adult years were brutal.

[@davidprice1007]

Tanks for the video it will definitely help when I am ready to date again in a couple of months. I am probably older than your average follower at almost 63 but I believe that women want the same things in my demographic they are just more confident in themselves. My biggest problem is that I am a victim of my won success. I was married to the same wonderful woman for over 35 years., and honestly she was the one who came on to me. In my jobs I had no problem being assertive as an Army Infantry NCO and later as a fireman. Asking a woman out does scare me just a little but ;nothing worth having is easy so I am going to do my best. I have been trying to implement some of your suggestions like the tongue scrapper (thanks) and the skin care routine and like the results, so once again thanks.

[@alvolutionary]

Myron Gaines explained well why you should not date extroverts. He's actually spot on.

[@smferreiro2610]

In which video are you being sponsored by Tiége? Do you still get supported?

[@ajtaylor8750]

As an introvert, I think it's not hard to put yourself out there and most of the time we just don't WANT to do it. I know a lot of introverted people who are very selective with who they try to connect with, and it's less intimidation and more selection.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Spot on lol

[@dylenB44]

Hey Courtney! Any chance you can do a video about younger guys dating older women? I recently went on a date with someone who was 31 (I am 24). I heard from alot of people that its a bit frowned upon in society and found that a friend of mine who is also seeing someone older is also receiving backlash. Just curious on your thoughts on it

[@joshb4898]

Is this a repost? I seem to remember seeing this video months ago?

[@JohnB-t2d]

Any advice for me. I believe I am ugly slow because of the pasted experience. I am full of anger and self hate.What should I do.

[@highlanderknight]

I'm sure there are exceptions, but I suspect it is way easier for an introverted woman compared to a man. I think most men would be thrilled at not having a woman who is extroverted and likes scial gathering with other people (men). While women are attracted to men who other women are already attracted to (more than likely outgoing and extroverted). The introverted man who isn't talking to lots of people isn't drawing attention to himself. Anyway, all good tips, but it can be summed up as "try to act like an extrovert or be someone that you aren't."