4 Ways To Make Sure You're Not Being Desperate With Women (& Rushing Things)

[@koolandblue]

0:39 Don't ignore red flags (have boundaries) 2:13 Open up but not too quickly 5:19 Don't be available 24/7 7:11 Wait for her to respond

[@stevendelavaux1426]

The reality is if you are super attractive, none of these "rules" really matter. The less attractive you are, they may or may not matter depending on the person.

[@JagoNinja2]

@@stevendelavaux1426 What if you're in between? Not attractive nor unattractive?

[@balancer182]

@@JagoNinja2 You want to learn how to do everything right regardless of how attractive you look. Don't rely on being attractive to get away with making mistakes. Because even if you're really attractive, if you make mistakes, you will turn the woman off. Attractiveness doesn't guarantee 100% success.

[@Tomczykkkk]

​@@JagoNinja2 Attractiveness is subjective. If someone doesn't find you attractive, then you're unattractive.

[@christopherherr7561]

@@stevendelavaux1426 it will matter to the right partner. Someone who respects themselves wouldn't tolerate really off-putting behaviour. Anyone who would tolerate it has no business being a good partner.

[@adamlong3885]

Let’s be honest, both men and women have red flags. What you really want is someone who is understanding and can work with your red flags to help you get better.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Absolutely!

[@x-man5056]

If you have known red flags you should address them. They will be holding you back. It's true that none of us are perfect*, but if you know of real red flags attached to you, ignoring them is not helpful at all. Finding a mate is difficult enough, finding one who's red flags mesh with yours is just really absurd. If she has red flags, they are still red flags whether you have your own or not. Red flags are "NO GO" for men and women. Red Flags are BIG things. You don't get a waiver for your red flags because she has red flags. The logic falls right apart instantly. *Not every non-plus up characteristic you have is a red flag.

[@simbarashemtetwa7130]

@@CourtneyRyan I think some red flags maybe seen as yellow(caution). The other person will decide on discerning whether the person their dating is actively engaging in their "red /yellow" flag.

[@Automotib]

​@@simbarashemtetwa7130 I've always believed in yellow flags too, also there are people with black flags - absolutely at all costs stay away lol

[@realjeromepowell]

No man is perfect, not even me :)

[@jamesg1974a]

Too many people have unrealistic expectations and unresolved trauma. They run at the first sign that things aren’t absolutely perfect

[@CourtneyRyan]

Very true

[@charliedavidarnott1537]

And if you sit with your emotions, find out where they are actually coming from when you get triggered, then you can integrate your traumas, heal, and you can start attracting the people who are supposed to be in your life.

[@charliedavidarnott1537]

Also, if you get ghosted, sit with how you feel when you do. Find out where those feelings are coming from, because I can almost guarantee that they are coming from somewhere.

[@rockagamez7704]

@@charliedavidarnott1537 no man should care if they get ghosted. I had girls ask me why i didn't care when they rejected me or ghosted me and then they turn around and try and date me because i didn't act like a sore loser about it. I straight up tell them i have better things to focus on than waste my time on someone who doesnt give me any sort of respect.. and that response changes depending how they rejected me... ghosted.. or politely let down.. a polite rejection gets a way more nice response ...

[@TerryProthero]

And sometimes they have the opposite problem. They don't run soon enough or far enough. A person needs to be able to correctly judge the situation.

[@mattbutler9119]

My Dad gave me an amazing piece of advice on this topic. And that is to take your time & get to know this person. Make sure that your morals line up & your attraction remains. But the bottom line is that you both are on the same page when getting to know each other or when you're about to take things to the next level. But all & all take things slowly.

[@MannyLoxx2010]

"Slow" is subjective, my brother!! 30 days? 3 months? 6 months? A year? To me, 90 days or less! I don't have the time or patience to waste on any woman "being slow" and "taking my time". In that case, I might as well not date any women, not get laid and just keep them all as platonic friend's. I lose interest real quick with women, if things aren't moving quickly or steadily over the first 30, 60 or 90 days. I need to see obvious progression with a woman or I bounce!

[@lawrence31415]

I have used this analogy before, but I want to share it again. Dating is like testing out a new car. You want to make sure that the car has all the proper functions like the brakes. After all, what good is a car if it doesn't have brakes? Brakes allow us to slow down and reduce the risk of crashing. Hence, know when to take things slow when it comes to dating! Get to know someone and find ways to enhance yourself!

[@LatimusChadimus]

My mom always said, the quicker you rush into a relationship the quicker falls apart. I did post a interesting comment about the vetting period so we'll give it a look-see haha

[@lawrence31415]

Exactly! Take things one step at a time, and self-evaluate when things don't go in the right direction. There's plenty of time and chances to get better and better! It's not easy work, but it's worth it!

[@theshanamaster]

its like when people live in minnesota, you can tell by the area the cars come from, most are rust buckets due to the salt being constantly sprayed during winter seasons, have caustion, some people look good, until you look at the bottom side, or until something falls off or out

[@brainrich1358]

Also, be aware of the mileage

[@davidabarak]

Just don't kick the tires!!!

[@Courtney-Alice-Gargani]

Yes, don't send a whole bunch of text messages. If a woman says no back off and move on. Don't even ask why she's not interested. You can't get her to change her mind if she's not interested in you.

[@Pikawarps]

@@chillinginthefrozennorth sane question from me. if she already said no, and you don’t plan on pursuing her then it shouldn’t hurt to say ‘alright, for my future relationships, what do you think i could do better’

[@Raja1938]

And if it some point she ever comes back having re-considered and showing interest, tell her no thank you. No second chances, ever. Ever.

[@Danny328DT]

​​@@Raja1938 I agree. Women shouldn't see you as an option.

[@bryanbaggett5421]

@@Pikawarps in my experience, asking that question is like opening up Pandora's box. Unless you have very thick skin, I never advise a man to ask a woman where he went wrong. Things can go very downhill from there.

[@szsawalich4211]

me: "sends text" she: "responds after 12 hours" me: "responds within an hour" she: "responds after 2 days" me:" gets mad and decide to not respond within 2 days as she did" me: "responds after 2 days" she: "silence" we never text again My whole dating life in a nutshell

[@Omar9-12-18]

Very inspiring 👏🏼

[@TheCarGarage]

You were being played with. I can't get into the types of women you are interested in but you'll have to reassess if this type of situation is the norm and you don't set boundaries and standards for yourself. Don't always play, assess the unspoken facts first

[@nathanpoirier7200]

if they take that long they not interested move on

[@cepterone]

you could call. that might work also- don't forget its still a viable option.

[@HunkyMan777]

Stop texting - pick up the phone and call. The old school solution builds connection

[@Strive1324L]

I used to be that way. But one good thing about getting older is you stop caring about being made a fool out of, and you don't worry about people's bad attitudes as much.

[@thedeadman8361]

"Create a great cake of a life. A good woman is the icing on the cake, she is not the cake" - Dr Robert Glover.

[@Strive1324L]

Agreed.

[@JonMenn]

Blah blah blah 😂

[@macharper8214]

A boy meets a girl, if he likes her, that's it. Unless she is doing something stupid like Only Fans or has a high body count, he is into it. Will likely not care about much else and be willing to give it a go. He is over the moon if she treats him "nicely." A girl meets a guy, What does he do? How much money does he make? Is he tall enough? What kind of car does he drive? Does he own his own house? Will I impress my friends with this guy? She is kinda turned off if he is "too nice." Men love instinctively, women love opportunistically. You tell me in the relationship between men and women these days where the problem is.

[@Swearengen1980]

Stop that bullshit. It's true for only a small fraction of the women; the squeaky wheel so to speak. That's not women as a whole and probably primarily resides in 20something really hot women that are out of your insecurity, bitter, and jaded league anyway.

[@TerryProthero]

I think the first step in not being desperate is first being comfortable being alone. You need to have a life before you can share it with others. Relationships should be seen as an option rather than a necessity. My situation was complicated by autism that wasn't diagnosed until I was 44. But when I was 18, I started trying to date and made pretty much every mistake listed here. And it didn't go well. In the aftermath, I started to realize that I was just doing this because I thought it was normal or expected that I be in a relationship. I didn't even consider whether it was actually good or healthy for me. And it turns out that it wasn't. I began to realize that I didn't have much to offer the women I was trying to date. And they also had little to offer me. That compatibility worked in both directions, and it wasn't really happening with any of the women I had met thus far. I've been alone since and have never been happier. The moral of the story is that it's important to step back a little and really understand what your goals are and what's best for you. As they say, fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

[@Askaa88]

Thanks for your view on this Courtney. I have a comment, let me know if you agree or not. This is a typical dating scenario for most men: 1. Scrolls through profiles and simping on them, hoping you will get a like back. Wanting to have a relationship desperately. 2. Two weeks later: finally getting a match but hesitant to start a conversation because you are comfortable with your singlehood again. 3. Send a message eventually and then invision a future with this girl... simp alarm is activated again. 4. Getting one-word replies and ghosts you. OR, simply no reply and deletes you. 5. End of cylce, repeat! Poor men, poor average men. (Online) dating sucks, shitty mentality from the users. To the female users: We know you get a lot of likes and matches, almost overwhelmingly much. But if you decide to like someone and the guy is attempting to talk to you without sexual harassment but with serious intent to get to know you, then reply (with some interest) for flip sake. Don't use these platforms to validate your ego only. Why waste everyone's time? Courtney and fellow repliers, what is your top 3 advice for men and women who wants to get the most out of (online) dating nowadays?

[@jlh4jc]

This is good stuff Courtney. I wish I had known some of this when I was much younger. I don't know if I'll ever find the one at this point. But I've learned to cultivate my interests and friendships so I'm in a place where happiness is not dependent on being married.

[@Strive1324L]

Amen to that. I've retired from giving women power and leverage.

[@ChrisW1019]

Greatest way to not be Desperate is to have a well rounded life. You should have a job/career. Have hobbies, interests, passions, goals, etc. Most of all have other relationships. Women pay close attention to the friendship/relationships you do have and how good or bad they are.

[@Swearengen1980]

Depends on your age. A 40 year old woman doesn't give a fuck about you having buddies you golf with or not.

[@TerryProthero]

That sounds like pretty solid advice. If relationships are seen as an option rather than a necessity, you are far less likely to be seen as desperate. It's like going to a job interview. If you don't desperately need the work or you have a number of other employers to talk to, you are likely to be seen as more desirable. But if you beg for the job, you will almost certainly not get it. Although, a person can go to the other extreme and be arrogant about it. And that isn't, necessarily, desirable either.

[@christophergraves6725]

Well, remember no one is complete in himself or herself. Desire is based on a lack within oneself. That is why we get out there and search for a mate to complete us. But a mate cannot ultimately complete us. That deepest inner lack or as Blaise Pascal put it, a vacuum, is a "God shaped vacuum" that only God can fill. Men, as adults, do not have intimate friends like women continue to do. We go to women for those deep human emotional needs and notice that I say 'needs.' Men tie sex and love together in ways that women are less likely to do since their friendships (philia) are met in other people. Women have their emotional eggs in more than one basket whereas men have them all in one emotional basket, the lady whom he loves. This is due to men dying much earlier than women in most cases and was even more likely in earlier times. The woman not really loving the man as much as he did her (in most cases) and her having other people in non-romantic relationships to offer support helped her recover and then move on from his death. On the other hand, the man's passion for the woman leads him to do whatever it takes to return to his wife and children in the case of war or being stranded in a distant land from trade or exploration missions. If he did not love her and see his life tied up with her, then he would not make such an effort to return to her. The key to marital happiness for the woman is twofold: the man earns the lion's share of the family income and he attends to her emotionally. There are a number of studies on this latter point. One finds that nine years into a marriage, the woman is happy based on her husband's continuing passion for her. Having substitutes for her is not the road to marital happiness.

[@varniitpro]

I have been desperate and been neutral and seen that if a person wants to be with you and cares about you or the relationship to go beyond the mere existence of two strangers no matter is it in terms of parents, relatives, siblings, friends, love partners, work colleagues or any other, they will do everything to make it. Your desperation is more of degradation of yourself, not of him or her. They have already shown their side, perspective and interests. My 30 years of life has taught me to observe and then react. You can be a guy who loves a girl and starts the despo game and she doesnt gives a F about you. Or you are a guy who sees a girl who is enchanted by you and wants to be with you in all ways possible but you don't see her considerate even as a friend, forget about anything else. So, in short, keep desperation out of the relationship game. What happens will work, what wont, will never.

[@woodgie6041]

I wished these videos existed 9 years ago, for real. I was really into my head and I did everything what she said in this video, not even lying. The motto should be “take things slow is the way to go” go Huskers!

[@Harikejn]

Important things as well: 0:38 First thing - Don't Ignore Red Flags (Have Boundaries); 2:12 Second thing - Open Up, But Not Too Quickly; 3:30 Follow their lead a little bit (agree with that); 5:12 Take it slow (or better to say: Take it easy); 5:18 Third thing - Don't Be Available 24/7; 7:06 Fourth thing - Wait For Her To Respond; 7:55 Yes I agree that this is one worst thing how to react (reacting like in state of affect ); 8:58 Fifth thing - Take Things Slow; 9:59 Extra tip and advice (agree with you Courtney, cause this is so true); and 10:16 (You are absolutely right about that - doing a selection, and going slow). These tips what you have told Courtney can be also used in meeting new people, friends, doing job interviews as well. Among the mentioned things as well, I might add that few other tips as well. And those are: 6. Don't talk about intimate things (such as *ex for example). Some people were talking about that (honor exceptions) (no idea why, but I had a chance to hear some of men that were talking about it as well); 7. Don't talk about the plans on first date (but that can be also used on second tip as well); 8. Show some empathy as well; and 9. Relax (Go with the flow) - Meaning to know when to be relaxed, and to be serious as well, and to estimate when to behave like that as well. Thank you very much for these advice's Courtney. It means a lot. What would we do without your advice and suggestions? Your wisdom is so awesome. The color of the eyes goes well with the pattern of the jacket 👏👏👏👏👏👏. La perfection madam ❤.

[@luketimewalker]

Awesome! Thanks

[@Harikejn]

@@luketimewalker You're welcome. P.S. I love watching Star Wars, and Back To The Future. These movies will never get bored 🙃🙂.

[@DareToBeDeviant]

I'd never send follow-up messages after my last one. The ball's already in their court and it'd seem weird to reply to my own reply. Average time for someone getting back to me is roughly 3 months so things aren't being rushed but I do respond within 24 hours like any reputable professional. Why leave people hanging? How busy is someone's life they can't take 30 seconds or less to respond to prompts? Makes me wonder how these kind of people treat family.

[@josipbasic3045]

Hi Courtney just wanted to tell you you're doing great! All your advices are spot on and I am sure any social awkward person can find them extremely helpful. As for me, I came by your channel by chance and stayed just for your voice. You have the most pleasant voice and I just enjoy listening you speak. Keep up the good work!

[@CourtneyRyan]

Aw, you are so kind 🥹 thank you!

[@luketrades9473]

I needed this Courtney! 🙌 I got ghosted by a girl after 2 weeks of hanging out with her. We would both communicate with each other when we would hang out, but she just wanted to be with me like ALL the time. Now, I didn't see it at first, but then I was like "wow, she's really needy and needs my attention that bad". That can't be a good thing. Two weeks go by and I haven't heard from her since. Now, I'm just focusing on myself and trying to become better day by day!

[@jaydenjones2608]

U WERE ON THE REBOUND. SHE WENT BACK 2 HER MAN

[@luketrades9473]

@@jaydenjones2608 She can't go back to her man for certain reasons which I can't say. But I appreciate the advice bro, I'll watch that channel.

[@Moriningland]

Focus on yourself. That’s all you have. Good for you on doing that!

[@JonMenn]

That girl is a loser and coward. Just keep going and find happiness elsewhere.

[@ModernDatingMastery]

*Women can tell when a man is desperate, and it can create unnecessary pressure. The real trick is to build trust and show consistent, low-pressure interest. Take your time, focus on her as a person, and let the connection unfold without forcing anything.*

[@woodgie6041]

I’m definitely at fault at this as an INFP and it’s easy for me to to feel the feels. I ignored a lot of red flags from my ex wife pre marriage. I was abused on and off in the past 8 years. Boundaries are very important for both men and female.

[@nateo200]

I'm an INFJ so I can relate to that.

[@guitarchris4775]

I have a to say this, maybe you don't like but this tips is work. The tip is to dating many women, that help guys to not be into one girl and think 24\7 for her.

[@MannyLoxx2010]

I'm not spending weeks or months, getting to know a woman, wasting time, since my time is very valuable! I give things 3 months or less, to see, if she is right for me (since 80% of women aren't worth a real man's time!). My career, as a Software and Network Engineer is most important, so moving things quickly has worked for me 8 out of 10 times in my life. I'm 43 and have been dating longer than you have been around, Courtney! I started dating females at 11, btw!! The 30-90 rule should be used when dating someone new!! 30 days to feel out the person, 60 days to go out and see what the person is all about, and 90 days at the most to get laid!! This is way more than enough time to get to know a woman well enough! Spending more than 90 days on a woman, to see, if she's girlfriend material, is a waste of time!! Too many women out here to date to take it "slow and steady". And, I will be dating 3, 4 or 5 women at a time, if and when I choose to date. Right now, I'm semi-dating 3 women and that's the way I like it, and getting laid is the main reason to date! 😀

[@OpEditorial]

8:00 is an important lesson especially when it comes to online dating, set a timer from the last message you sent to her and see how long it takes to get back to you. Even the busiest person has access to their phone pretty much 24/7 so there's an extremely limited amount of excuses for her to not reply like a normal human. In other words: Block, Report, Move on.

[@ashtonhokanson1381]

Courtney, I’m glad I found your channel. As someone who is newly divorced and has never dated before, your content is exactly what I’m needing to learn. Cheers.

[@honaker326]

How much boundary is too much? I dated a girl for about 6 months. We went on exactly 4 dates, had good chemistry, knew each other for a few years before dating, but I could barely get her out of the house. And that is cool by me, I'm a homebody myself, but she didn't want to hang out at either of our homes. Once again, that is fine. I found out later that she was pretending to be sick on some of our outings to play video games instead which is something you usually hear about men. But at the end of the day, I was going 2 to 3 weeks without a response from her. I asked if we were okay? She said we were fine, but our contact got further apart. I broke up with her a few weeks back. That was the strangest relationship I've ever been in. She wanted to be in a relationship, but never wanted to connect.

[@VideoGameRoom32]

Texting is only to setup a date not to get to know her.

[@LatimusChadimus]

Yeah and if you aren't comfortable or even good at talking to women in person, definitely do not text a woman to get to know her. She will notice a lack of authenticity if you ever do meet up

[@antonboludo8886]

I agree.

[@Shageta456]

I can speak from experience that 24/7 availability left me having to cut ties with a group of friends I had last year, which caused me feeling rushed into doing things i didn't want to do and that also led me having feelings of anger and resentment towards them but i kept letting it happen because I was doing whay they thought I should be doing and it was one of those painful bitter pills I had to swallow but now that I've had more time to myself and started focusing on being who I truly wanted to be i don't feel guilty about leaving me, because I'm happy not being someone's disposable toy.

[@michaelvichiola6310]

Courtney, i have to say that this is super helpful, and i want to thank you for giving all of us this information. I think it is important to be patient with any aspect of a relationship because this way it could help it grow.

[@KalinGanev]

My favorite video of Courtney Ryan till now (out of more than a hundred I've watched). This is so applicable to me. Thank you, Courtney!

[@CourtneyRyan]

So glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for being here 🤗

[@phil4208]

All sound advice, be prepared to walk with no regrets and if you listened to Courtney then you have other things going on in your life, example I love watching my favorite teams and they play year round, new york

[@mav1877]

I agree with waiting for her to respond is most cases. However, I have found that a double msg after a few days doesn't hurt especially if you are just trying to get her out on a first date. Most women have little investment on apps or sites so if you haven't asked her out yet and still msging each other it's not a bad idea to just ask her out and then wait. I've gotten dates that way.

[@DaiPad881]

Hi Courtney, I’ve just found your vidoes and binged on a fair few, Especially the ones that talk about if a woman is into a guy, As someone who has been painfully oblivious at times or just can’t tell what’s going on in situations your vidoes will be a huge help, Thanks from the UK 🇬🇧

[@LatimusChadimus]

Yeah if you don't know how much to share is too much, ask yourself would it be better to bring it up under a different situation, or is it something she really needs to know now or can it wait. Sometimes things line up where the moment is perfect and something you worried about her learning might not be so given prior circumstances leading up to that moment

[@whitebot925]

ENJOYED YOUR CUTE SAILOR OUTFIT TODAY 👍

[@LatimusChadimus]

I have some nice buttons she might like for future shoe pairing

[@CourtneyRyan]

😂🫡 thank you!!

[@AndersAtoms]

🔥🚢

[@whitebot925]

@@CourtneyRyan WELCOME COURT 😂

[@Tony-ib2vm]

Just remember: There's something ugly about every pretty girl...

[@Mario88881000]

Pure gold!!! Thank you Courtney. Nothing but valuable, coherent advice for us guys. I can see how you base it on emotional intelligence. Thank you, thank you. 🤜🏽

[@chrisclimie5310]

From my perspective the best thing you can do is keep your problems to yourself don't open up about your problems 80% of people don't care about you problems and the other 20% are glad you got them. That's just the way today's world works guys save yourself the time and keep yourself private.

[@AmosofTekoa]

Really needed to hear this wisdom Courtney, especially when it comes to being available 24/7. Keep up the great work and thanks for helping so many guys make themselves better so that when the right girl comes, she knows without a doubt she wants to be apart of the journey that we are on.

[@UnknownMann.]

The amount of times I've had women approach me or give signals that they are interested when I was in a relationship... compared to now when I'm single... is beyond belief. I've had nobody approach or give me signals lol. People just want what they don't have or think they can't get. Which is pathetic. Grow up

[@CourtneyRyan]

It’s concerning how often I see this happen lol

[@lookfeelbehealthy6320]

Yes. You naturally have a different and more positive glow when you're in a relationship. This is what women are attracted to. Yes, it's ass backwards, but this is the way it goes.

[@UnknownMann.]

@lookfeelbehealthy6320 no they are attracted to what they cant have. Nothing about a positive glow... they see you with another woman and for some fucked up reason they try and go after you. But if you tried to approach them being single... Good luck

[@zishiwu7757]

Similar to how recruiters are more likely to contact you about a new job opportunity if you already have a job, compared to if you are unemployed. It seems messed up because the unemployed people reasonably m need a new job more. But that’s the way the world works.

[@sydneymitchell2842]

How to be successful in dating. Coming from a man's perspective. When dating becomes a want and not a need. It doesn't mean that you have to be completely standoffish but texting all the time calling all the time same to them I don't know what I would do without you. It might seem that somebody is super interested but in reality it sends a signal of desperation and a person that is needy. First things first you must respect yourself and be okay being single and enjoying life. So when you meet somebody it's an addition to not because of

[@ajtaylor8750]

The term "love at first sight" was always weird to me and just screamed "fairytale romance." As a guy who lives in reality, loving someone from the first time I meet them just never seemed possible so I definitely open up to people slowly because I want to know that I at least like you, let alone love you.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Totally agree!

[@Danny328DT]

​@@chrisc4507 Even if you don't follow her tips, you should still be cautious on how you approach relationships. I really don't find her advice bad, and I do have mixed opinions on what women find attractive because of the statistics, but that's all I really have to say on her advice being a guy.

[@lookfeelbehealthy6320]

Yep. It's called infatuation, not love.

[@dedeborya9015]

message a girl as often as you message your land lord - someone you actually have a connection to - you never send them a Good morning text, a - How are you doing today text. keep it real and on the genuine level. never tell a girl you 'love her' instead - I really dig you - you are my favorite, right now. and then shut up . Never tell women secrets, fears, faults - anything you say to them can and will be used against you - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but 100% on their way out the door... and they all leave out the door.

[@saskruffriders8234]

Never put all of your eggs in one basket. You may think your partner is everything you want and more, but he / she may not think so highly of you.

[@NYCknight2025]

This is definitely for the women here…they play a lot of games and if you want to sit down and grab a card these are the rules to win Or you can just get your passport and take a flight and find a woman that doesn’t play games and the rules and traditions are different in their country where YOU are the prize

[@xXEGPXx]

Little buddy I am going to keep it 100 with you: if you are getting rejected in America you are not going to suddenly find a wife by moving to Japan, your animes and your forums have lied to you

[@michaelrespicio5683]

True. Or just someone raised in a different cultural background. A lot of women in the West just seem really crazy. Not all of course but it's easy to see why almost nobody looks for a partner there. It's all about us guys fitting into their agendas. They want a leader among a million other things but it seems like they're the ones in control. Makes no sense. Don't check off every box?...sayonara. We're better off looking elsewhere because I know for a fact that many other places women are not that insane. They'll notice the error of their ways when they're 40+ and can't maintain a relationship

[@xXEGPXx]

@@michaelrespicio5683 Huh so every woman you are ever with ends up leaving you? Sounds like you are the problem, you are the only common denominator

[@michaelrespicio5683]

​@@xXEGPXx Your logic is flawed. First of all, you assume that we're from the US when many of us are not. Second, You're comparing two completely different countries with totally different cultures. While anime does not necessarily reflect real life, the same can be said by a lot of TV shows, including ones from the US, where things are exaggerated for dramatic effect. Now, people come from all kinds of walks of life. Many countries (like Japan) have more of a cultural identity than the US/Canada which are more like melding pots. If Canada and the US have some things in common, it's that we don't have that much in terms of traditional food, clothing, etc. Most people in Canada/US can be citizens of the countries but have background elsewhere, but may not be as much in tune with it as others. By taking interest in someone else's culture (Japan, in this case) and even knowing the language, sure it doesn't guarantee anything, but it becomes it becomes a lot easier to interact with those people. In the West (at least where I'm from) interest in other cultures is not exactly a hot topic simply because hardly anybody takes time to learn about other cultures, let alone another language despite the benefits. For women like Courtney here, that's off the table. Not something I'd bring up nor do I think they would actually care. More interested in your fashion statement and its price tags than anything else. Regarding language barriers, as an English native who actually knows Japanese, what I notice is English natives don't usually care who natives are. Most people in the West can listen to someone with Asian background speak perfect English and nobody would care. But then (in this case) speak Japanese to someone who's a native, regardless of setting, and you can see the surprise and joy in their eyes. To them, It's clear proof that you're interested in that other culture and makes it easier to connect with others right off the bat. A luxury that a lot of Westerners do not have, nor much experience in. So to the OP, maybe they don't have to move per se, but nothing's stopping us from interacting with others from another culture where we live. The willingness to learn, adapt and take the chance gives them a chance unlike downers such as yourself. TL;DR: Maybe the reason why dating in the US is so dysfunctional is because we outsiders are baffled as to how so many of you even graduated elementary school.

[@rebelandboltman]

In my experience, I've always hated being pressured to rush a connection. Looking back, I'm thankful to have dodged bullets.

[@TheEccentricLad]

Being pessimistic while keeping a mild optimism alive can do wonders.

[@te9591]

Insightful.

[@alih6953]

Great Job Courtney! As Wise men say "Only fools rush in"

[@antonboludo8886]

Don't Wise Women say the same thing?

[@alih6953]

@@antonboludo8886 Let's stop it with this Gender debate please you got the message

[@antonboludo8886]

@@alih6953 Should you ever encounter the Wise Woman, there are 2 things you must know about her : # 1 - She is a woman; # 2 - She is wise... 🤣 (From the "Black Adder" series.)

[@alih6953]

@@antonboludo8886 I won't encounter it because I am not a SIMP like you. I am not going to argue anymore have a nice day blocked

[@christopherherr7561]

I just went on a date last night. I believe it went well, but this is helpful. I don't want to get all up in my head too much and overthink it.

[@gumnaamaadmi007]

Courtney having our back as usual.

[@CourtneyRyan]

🫡

[@JonMenn]

I guess

[@philaman1972]

The overarching issue is "primadonna syndrome" where a narcissistic, self-absorbed woman automatically asserts control of a transactional relationship. I operate under the premise of creating a friendship, but when you have someone who is infatuated with themselves and has an ego the size of Rhode Island, the woman sets up bizarre, deranged rules that a potential suitor must play if he is to remain a candidate for pursuing her. This is incredibly toxic and a prime reason why many people are so reluctant to date today.

[@Courtney-Alice-Gargani]

I love your shirt. Where did you get it?

[@CourtneyRyan]

Thank you, Court! It’s from Bloomingdales!

[@cepterone]

I grew up without the internet until i was- 12 or something. I remember getting excited about receiving emails because of how much of a novelty it was still. I think calling a girl is now a novelty. if you can show confidence enough to call, that goes a long way. but have at least something to say. ---- think about this before you call, and then call at an appropriate time, early evening- lunch hour. I guess this is a response to Courtney's take on texting, and not looking needy. you can get away with a lot more frequent texting if you call and have a fun conversation. As well- try this if you feel the texts are getting less frequent. seems paradoxical.

[@GJones247]

best advice I had to learn the hard way, "treat women not like you don't like them, just that you like someone else. That someone else just happens to be yourself." Women are slow creatures, trust me she isn't rushing to have sex without else. Always move slower than a woman. To them it appears that you know what you're doing and are in no rush.

[@chrisvanbuggenum871]

Whenever a woman has opened up to me, told me concerns, troubles etc i have never thought "why are you telling me this?" I guess that's the difference between men and women, i think men just care more.

[@chrisbunka]

My piece of advice for those men into anime/cosplay: work on making an amazing cosplay that you can show off at a con in your area. If you can afford either by yourself or with friends, go to cons outside your immediate local area. You’ll realize the women in your local area aren’t the only ones in existence. And you may also get some kick-butt swag/see funny and cool panels too.

[@Andy-ei2ov]

I like how consistent you are with your videos!!!

[@franciscocolin2008]

I didn’t show any of these signs through text and yet I got unmatched 1.5 hr before we were supposed to meet. I had shower and now I’m on my way to the gym to released this frustration. This has gotten ridiculous

[@joshforde698]

The point towards the end about not feeling like you have options is a hard one. I have been out a couple of times with a woman recently, but don't have any certainty that anything will come of it. I flat out don't have any other options, so I do wonder what happens if nothing comes of this, is it back to square one and no options? Though, I promise I am keeping this all internal and not communicating it.

[@ClumpypooCP]

Did it work out?

[@babujimunu]

You are much younger than me. Yet, I wish I could touch your feet for your sagacious human understanding. You are simply amazing.

[@cortezturner2004]

I’m 19 yr old male from stl I think I’m done dating in the US💯💯💯

[@gk_zone4274]

Number 1 hitting me real hard. A cpl of things i like about her vs the many red flags she has that i feel could be detrimental for me. I wouldnt feel this way if i had other women to talk to... but this town is small, and im kinda isolated, so yea. 😕 Edit: coming back to this video became another eye opener to me as far as where I think I messed up at on my end. It's been so long since I came across someone I had a connection with that I damn near blew up her phone over her texting me less frequently, basically accusing her of leading me on n stuff. I was also afraid that I was going to lose her to someone else if I didn't act quick enough. So yea, definitely jumped the gun on a few things.

[@sebastienporsenna8616]

I think your doing a good job helping men become the better versions of themselves.

[@mr.m2914]

I would agree fundamentally with virtually everything said here, it's all very good advice and is logical. However, real life is unfortunately very illogical in practice. Someone like me will have an extremely difficult time properly applying most of these nuggets of wisdom and that fact causes me no end of frustration. For example, the whole idea of appearing as though you have other options sounds great on paper, but what about people like me that literally do not have any options and often time only find one female at a time to even remotely consider as a romantic partner due to our unfortunate circumstances. I work two jobs, I was already a complete shut-in because of my family's terrible upbringing that kept me in a gilded cage, and I'm also a bit eccentric and odd thanks to various mental issues that are not curable. In essence I'm saying that I am not the "ideal" person and it will take an extremely specific woman to ever actually want to have anything to do with me, my past experiences have made this very clear. So what am I supposed to do, lie about having other people being interested in me? That's what I would have to do and that's also very logical. Lying to appear more desirable is never a good way to try to engage a relationship. Luckily I do have my own hobbies and I do stay busy, which is a good thing according to you and others. My biggest problem is the fact that I literally have no draw that I can call on to entice anybody. Unless they're actually willing to sit down and talk to me with no apparent reason to do so, I don't get anywhere. Hence the fact that the only women I've ever been with all turned out to be of the gold-digging, backstabbing s***** sort. The kind with a numerous daddy issues who preyed upon the fact that I am generous and I desire to fix people. I learned my lesson as far as dealing with women like that and I will not make the same mistake again, but that knowledge does me little good when I can't attract the attention of any " normal" women that aren't just a walking red flag. Sorry for the essay, I just wanted to be very clear. A lot of your advice is excellent but in conclusion, my biggest issue is the fact that I literally can't get far enough in any direction to use 90% of it and that is the ultimate frustration and slap to the face. Knowing what to do is useless if you can't get into the position that allows you to actually attempt to do it correctly.....

[@terrylim9902]

Your first impression is very very very important especially your personal grooming. A woman can judge you in the first 30 seconds to a minute whether you are in her lover's or friends category.

[@Navak_]

like the girl -> your enthusiasm shows -> ew he's desperate don't like the girl -> your lack of interest shows -> she chases you many such cases

[@onceuponatimeintoronto891]

If a woman isn't laughing, smiling and acting flirty after you have talked on the phone or when you meet up for a date? Don't waste your time going out of your way, erase that # so you won't do something stupid like try again "one more time" just move on and let her call you if she has anything interesting going on or she wants to invite you to. Just friend zone her if anything cause you weren't a match. you never know if she has a cute friend you'll like better if she happens to call you down the line and wants to do something as buddies. There's lots of ppl I went out on dates with I wasn't attracted to in person, I make it clear I'm not into them but if they are cool we can still hang or be activity buddies, got lots of referal fun over the yrs from cool ppl who felt the same and a couple inadvertent 3somes partying with a past date.

[@mortenrobinson5421]

The best way for me to not be desperate with women is to begin smoking weed again. Ever since I quit my weed addiction, all I can think about is getting a relationship going.

[@_sniper2305]

For a man, step zero (if you value this) is to put yourself in a situation (situations) where your ability to interact with women is plentiful. This also means befriending a lot of people (or at least, being social/collegial) to where this can happen (even with people who don't seem to have a connection with women). This takes pressure over the interaction with any individual woman, and allows the man to not being so pressing and needy - another woman can come along if your social circle is big enough. It also puts you in places where your life is enhanced even if you don't meet women in the process.

[@josezerpa8177]

This is pure gold advice for all men out there. Thanks Courtney!

[@TheNewMexicoMan]

If you have the attitude that: If you like me, I will like you back, you are needy and desperate. If you will date ANYONE who shows the slightest bit interest in you, you both are needy and desperate. If you will settle for a mammal with a pulse, you are needy and desperate. If you have given up and don't bother trying anymore, all is not lost. Find your inner power and build confidence. You matter and are worthy of love!

[@briar35981]

The basic rule should be if your dating her takes you away from you purpose. Then your rushing it.

[@ermacjones4821]

It's really nice to have some information from the other side, and it's very appreciated🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't really know you, I just started watching, but thank you🖤

[@tommygunn6901]

I'm literally scrolling and seeing many sailor comments is just priceless 😂 On a higher note, I got over the recent girl after finding out she was a Jehovah's Witness...🤦‍♂️

[@lookfeelbehealthy6320]

Too many jokes there

[@joaquin67]

Funny how a guy creating and living a fulfilling life can drastically help not come off desperate and can simultaneously make him more attractive in so many ways. Social life, hobbies, physical exercise, diet, etc.

[@danielhannon5319]

I'm available 24/7 so does this mean I'll never have a healthy relationship with a woman? I also occupy myself doing other things and I work part time for someone's step father

[@gumbyjag]

This was a good one. Enjoy your work, Courtney.

[@Ezilla82]

I will admit i tend to rush into things because of my impatience and I'm trying to take things slow and natural and oh, boy it's a process.

[@LatimusChadimus]

Sincere transparency is a lot better than being vulnerable. Vulnerability in men is a sign of weakness and women don't like weak men. Women want men to be a solid rock for them because of course women deal with emotions a lot differently and a lot more frequently than men so it is important to be stable for them. Not vulnerable, rather transparent

[@666MalodorousCast666]

Two bigger issues could be if you are in the same karate class or having the same occupation. Than you must sometimes found deeper stuff ignore each other!

[@dochamp2]

Well thought out outfit, colors suits you well!

[@erikbergum2586]

There have been times I've been desperate. If the woman told me I have been desperate, if I give her the space she needs like go for a week without any contact, is it a possibility she may come back?

[@kaichi]

For tip #4, how long should one wait to respond before just calling it quits and moving on?

[@Leandrogg685]

Really! Sometimes I think you read people's minds. Thanks for those tips, they really help.

[@abec5241]

Courtney, you are so on point. Drop the mike.

[@devilindisguise2023]

Perfect timing, not gonna lie! I'm not sure whether you answered this question before, but is it the wrong mindset to only want to date one person at a time and to only start dating other people once you've found out it's not working out with that person? Thanks, love your content!

[@dian277]

i'm not Courtney but i can tell you that that's what i would do once i start looking for men, and i'd expect them to do the same. I won't entertain the "I've got options" bs. The thing is, looking for a lifetime partner is a serious thing, so people should be focused on the candidate they picked out so they can get a good understanding of who they really are. But before you decide who to pick to have a 1st date, of course, you should be talking to multiple people.

[@devilindisguise2023]

@@dian277 So, if I understand this correctly, you do suggest going on first dates with multiple people as opposed to dating only one person, seeing whether it works out or not and then moving on to the next person? Sorry if I‘m sounding stupid, I‘m just a bit confused :) I‘m also asking because first dates are meant to first get to know each other, not knowing much or anything about the other person, so it’s nothing serious yet, and therefore, morally speaking, it is not wrong to date multiple people at once at an early stage. Am I right?

[@dian277]

@@devilindisguise2023 you asked about "only want to date one person at a time", and I replied, "that's what i would do". So no, I do NOT suggest going on first dates with multiple people. Instead, you should get to know multiple people before deciding who to date, and once you've decided, you only date and focus on that one person because dating is a serious thing. Hope this makes more sense

[@dian277]

@@devilindisguise2023 that being said, if you're going on blind dates, dating people from the internet, and you really might not know anything real about them, then i guess you have no option but to take the 1st date as a "get to know you" activity, and not be serious until you find out who they really are. It really depends on your situation, and what the person you're going on dates with prefers.

[@devilindisguise2023]

@@dian277 Alright. I was mainly talking about people I meet in public (bus stop, inside a bus, etc.) where time is short. Thanks for your advice.

[@dreybiba]

This is all advice for guys that a woman is already interested in. Also, ask yourself this question "If I were Denzel or Brad Pitt, would she still prefer taking things slow?". The answer should be obvious lol. Remember, women will make some men take longer than others, and its never on accident 🤷🏿‍♂️

[@dylancooper3690]

What's the difference between taking things slow and doing nothing at all? I tend to go all or nothing. I'd like some guidance on what slow means.

[@Danny328DT]

I don't think there's really a good estimate because every woman is different. It just depends on how you and her are feeling and how comfortable she is about particular conversations and activities. If she sees you're willing to respect her boundaries and know when it's the right time to talk about things, she'll eventually start to be honest with her feelings. Patience is important.

[@tconroy1000]

Thank you so much Courtney for sharing your wisdom; I can tell you genuinely want to help us guys. You're a great woman ❤

[@foxtrotunit1269]

Slightly off topic, but I have a theory why some men have trouble finding women: They join *A) male dominated* activities or those activities *B) effectively don't enable for socializing.*

[@gizmo420420]

It’s funny Courtney that you’re doing a video about this subject I met this girl on the dating apps a couple weeks ago and we were supposed to spend the weekend together, for 3 days we couldn’t stop texting eachother how excited we were every 10 minutes the day comes she’s still showing as much excitement and wasn’t supposed to be there til 7 and was being cordial and told me that bad weather was Approaching and she might be a little late and I was like you’re not coming are you? And it made her mad needles to say I lost my chance at being with a really beautiful kind girl just because I couldn’t be cool and confident

[@gtperformanceturbochargers]

No she was a selfish beeotch man. Dodged a bullet. Do you. If she doesnt like it she can carry on.

[@instrumentsponge]

Hi Courtney, I just started chatting with this girl outside of a dating app through text. We are getting ready to start phone conversations, but what are your thoughts, when you say "women like men with options", on me keeping my profile on the dating app active while talking to this girl?

[@phoneixsfall344]

One way I get respect from women is to let them go and not get to attached in the beginning. Allow things to happen and if they don’t move on. Someone will like you for who you are eventually. It’s not your job to impress someone who your not compatible with.

[@Moriningland]

For me, a interested girl only comes around every 10 years or so. So, yeah, I don’t have a lot of options outside of that. I gave up and started focusing on hobbies, travel and the gym. Yeah, I crave intimacy but what can you do?

[@steveroberts728]

Don’t bother. It’s simply not worth jumping through all the hoops women place in the way.

[@michaelrespicio5683]

Yeah seriously. It's always about us guys fitting into their stupid agendas. Our voices are overtaken by theirs. They want a leader among a million other things, I want a team player among a few other things. Someone who is willing to make compromises and not just run away when things don't go their way. I mean seriously, they want a "leader" and yet it seems like they're the ones in control. Makes no sense.

[@anthonyw5261]

Sings slowly, these rose colored glasses, that iiiimm looookiinnngg through. Great song and great video too of ernest👍 👏 🙂

[@DuaLeaD]

Kings, you need to treat your TIME as your most important commodity and spend it wisely. Never prioritize someone who sees you as an option.

[@johngonzalez4298]

Happy Wednesday, Courtney! ❤

[@HazelLodge-wo6wo]

Glad you uploaded this Courtney 👏