Covert Narcissism - Q&A with Ross Rosenberg

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you do much Ross. It is not the Covert narcisists who are the problem, it is our self love deficit disorder which we must cure and when we start loving and taking care of ourselves, the tables turn😊 have a good day everybody ❤

[@godzillamanstreb524]

It’s finally happening for me after 8+ yrs of healing

[@OrielThomson]

WRONG!!!! you cannot choose your parents

[@ericb8413]

I beg to differ on one point. I know more than 1 narcissist who was not raised in a lonely, dangerous, neglectful environment. They were indulged and spoiled and the universe revolved around them. They are totally selfish and malignant. I really appreciate this channel and have read The Human Magnet Syndrome. Fantastic book. Thank you Ross for all you do.

[@DrPhilGoode]

I think COVERT is the key to what he is talking about. What you are describing sounds more like traits of OVERT narcissism.

[@ladyvirgo013]

My soon ex husband is a covert and he was coddled by his mother, hes the golden boy

[@taylorpresley4604]

Right, I know many narcs and most were coddled and glorified. Suffering helps create empathy

[@vikkiweigel2504]

Yup

[@virtualmorality]

Didn't see that"don't take mask off" video. Didn't know what narcissist was till last 2 years. Found out wife of 19 years had been lying for years. Turns out she's narcissistic and i was codependent. Have learned so much in last two years. The projection is real!

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

As my ex died he suggested ii was wrong. I reminded he all i did. Now he has a new wife doing much I did. Good luck. He was grandiose. I am his legal widow and get his SS. After years if abuse i am adjusting. My rage is great.

[@OrielThomson]

I have a covert narcissist Mom and it is worse now at 40 than at 18. I have finally realized she is a sociopath and covert narcissist where as before I thought she was just a covert narcissist. I came to this conclusion on my own and now am searching for videos on KZbin about this but there is very little. Thank you for bringing light to this.

[@SnijtraM]

There are multiple ways a narcissist can be covert and the general discussion views the "covert narcissist" usually in one of 2 different ways: 1) the self-absorbed, poor-me individual who is also callous and who ostensibly seems ethical, but in the end it is just all about them; and 2) the cunning, manipulative, conscious type. Both are covert, because both are actively hiding/denying the known traits of boasting grandiosity, and they will try to make it look like they're not entitled. One big difference. Type 1 truly believes they're not narcissists. They're vulnerable figures, they believe their own lies, and they weaponize their vulnerability mostly in the realm of things like emotional blackmailing, etc. I see them as a "shy" and insecure type, of people who are generally like "classical" narcissists. Type 2 will hide their traits, because they know they have these traits and understand that they will be rejected for them. They allow themselves to be what they are because they're much more *radical* . They project a *fabricated* image of kindness, or of a twin-soul like connection, and the objective is to harvest as much praise and admiration as they can get. Again, it's all about them, narcissists being narcissists, but once the unrealistic image gets shattered, it is the level of radicalism that brings out the humongous, silent, backhanded and vindictive rage that they're known for.

[@fidelmashelton9491]

Yes, I totally agree with what you are saying Ross regarding the Covert Narcissist. Both traits indeed and very hard to live with it. Their behaviour is so insidous. They try to destabilize you but you will not really see it until many years have past in the relationship. Yes the red flags are there, but you again try to make sense of it in your own mind. It's a game to them from start to finish and one that they will always win. That statement came from a Covert Narcissist that I know, which was really shocking. Thank you Ross for your great insight into knowing what the Covert Narcissist is all about. Brilliant book to read "The Human Magnet Syndrome".

[@arianasha]

Thank you Ross you are bang on here.. I have one in my life that swings to either or categories of the covert variety and he does know what he is doing in both.. I have known this person for 35 years now and I have watched and was alerted to this very closely of their behaviour over the past 10 years now or so he is about to be ousted from my life! As I cannot live with this fake person any longer as I seek depth, substance and dimension in my relationships.. if I do not find this I am very happy to be on my own and content..

[@commonsenselucy5697]

I don't see the relationship as an "addiction." I really LOVED this person, and thought it was "mutual." WOW! Was I wrong....

[@DaRyteJuan]

This is one of the BEST explanations I’ve heard so far. The spectrum between ASPD’s and covert NPDs. Very understandable. The ASPD who targeted me by way of a prescription for Prozac wasn’t acting so much out of grandiosity, but just pure manipulation, consumption and discard. I was just a body to feed on.

[@vonniemichelle3670]

My mom is a text book covert narcissist. I didn’t know this had a name for most of my life. I’m 54, and only now feel like I’ve been able to see her for who she really is. I’ve created my own boundaries. I haven’t gone no contact, but I’ve learned over the years how to limit the contact to a level that suits me, and I’m always disengaged emotionally when with her. It’s just the way it has to be to keep the peace all around. Good info, thank you.

[@lizmarch8217]

Ita so amazing how accurate this is. Just so grateful i left that person... still recovering... made q lot of progress.

[@Cherry-kt8zo]

My husband has more than one type of narcissism and uses them all.

[@douglaspaterson5269]

Leave him.🙈🙉🙊

[@Cherry-kt8zo]

@@douglaspaterson5269 it's not that easy

[@AA-lq5pu]

I just want to thank you for what you are doing, you videos have been extremely helpful to me! Blessings to you!

[@cajuncrackerranch7990]

Thank you Ross. I appreciate your work and channel.

[@sandie683]

Thank you so much, Ross. My ex, a very charming musician is younger. He knew I sold my small apt and was so entitled, kept wanting expensive gifts and money. He had an abusive childhood of abandonement and one of his texts was to threaten to destroy all that I have if I did'nt give him. Embarassed me at a food hall with tons of people yelling crazy statements!

[@selfesteem3447]

So glad you referred to him as you ex, omg.

[@jackyleblanc6460]

i’ve been pondering the connection between being very over indulged in childhood in many aspects but there also being neglect in another and how that can result in becoming a narcissist

[@KarenMazzola-q5r]

Thanks Ross

[@IngaCombs]

Wow, I am excited to read your new book @RossRosenberg, your second book "The human magnet syndrome" It transformed my life. I have gotten a few people to buy and read your book. Your message hopefully will reach all those who need it.

[@deb2319]

Ross this is great service to humanity, thank you for your great work! Thank you. Is it possible you would speak on politics-governments?Will you do a political review for us?

[@WalkerHoundGal]

My covert narcissist spouse went into severe post separation abuse involving dozens of other people in a malignant smear campaign, sending out my private marital texts to many of them, urging them to share with still yet more people. These people were all covertly met with to help him create the most despicably inhumane divorce petition, taking everything and attempting to force me into homelessness and destitution. He was absolutely loving dropping breadcrumbs of hints but it took me over 2.5 years to slowly connect the dots and recognize what was happening. He was extremely proud of his destructive behavior and he even dated my sister during that time. If you hear someone say, “Your family really cares about you and they’re so concerned about you,” that’s a massive hint that the smear campaign and character assassination are well underway. They are never sorry and they enjoy the damage they do to your relationships. They like to say, “I was trying to get you help.”

[@fightswithspirits915]

Worst experience of my life. She made it feel like motherly incest. Her bestie male grandiose seemed to be working together to mess with me. She messed with him too. I don’t think he knows she’s running circles around him. She was deceptive beyond belief. I just text broke up. No reason given. A certain dark energy followed me to my property. I could sense it. This was before I knew anything about narcissists. A swarm of protective forces moved in not only removed the evil, I was given the gift of 10 happy days. After that, it was revealed what she was. So much disgust, rage, cursing at the universe.

[@Chercheure_Indépendante]

9:54 I don't give a flip about their childhood traumas because of how badly injured I am since I'm still undergoing a character assassination so I'm going to skip this part. (I have childhood traumas as well)

[@ladyvirgo013]

Exactly

[@camilacesardurrani7455]

Ross is awesome ❤

[@LynnAdams-z4y]

My covert narcissist discarded me then tried to get me back and my answer was this.. BLOCKED

[@ranjita704]

how do I get a copy of the book - human magnet syndrome ? it's not available on Amazon.

[@brendaleverick3655]

My close-by covert narc neighbors can pretend to be good people all they like. I know different. I've given them a ride in my car, bought them food, household items, clothes, etc. They have never done ONE thing for me in return. Nothing!

[@juanadrianrobaina5763]

Soo interesting,thank you,I agree with everything you said here. I have been with an overt/ grandiose narcissist,who almost killed me,and went from that relationship to a covert narcissist,who is up and down and round and round with his behaviour on a daily,and you are right they truly believe that they deserve everything even when they don't lol,life is bittersweet with these individuals,when they are nice ,they are really nice but when they decide to hurt you it literally comes out of the blue like today for example ,we went to a pizza place together,and I decided to pay for the pizza because he had paid last time....long story short,he took money out of my purse,and it was twice as much as was necessary,and I waited for the change.....😮and when after a long silence nothing happened I decided to ask him ...he literally threw the money at me in frobt of everyone and saud that it was my fault that he was angry 😮😢 lolol,and ran off ...sooo embarrassing,well I did not run after him ....this is my life with a covert ,mental narcissist 😢,sooo much suffering... I grew up with an alcoholic mother who killed herself and with a grandiose narcissistic father who always said I needed to work harder and who was never satisfied...oh,one more thing ,I discovered that many narcissistic people are addicted to pornography,on a daily ,and they prefer porn over real sex ...😮greetings from Katya in Cuba

[@FalslevFam-Videos]

Am I dealing with a Narcissist with our son in-law or am I crazy? He comes from a very wealthy family. He pays for nothing. He changed right after they got married. First he had our daughter turn her phone off on their honeymoon and they were half way around the world. He said “your parents can talk to you through me. It will save them money. “ Then when they were home we were always on speaker when we called. Which was weird. My daughter said, “we just have an open relationship”. Then he told my wife to tell me, her dad that he didn’t want him kissing my daughter any more on the cheek or forehead like any dad does. This caused issues in the family, which i think is what he wanted. They end up moving away to live with his family and didn’t let us know that they were moving. There are other things as well. We hardly ever see our daughter. He seems to control everything she does. It has been so hard :(

[@DaRyteJuan]

I never hear anyone talk about having to call the police on the narcissist. Once they’ve been exposed and find themselves in the criminal justice system, do they really keep going after the SLDD who was victimized by them?

[@RaeKaeB]

How do I cut off my toxic abusive narcissistic father (family system) from my life?

[@mac-ju5ot]

Don't take the mask off was some if the best advice I've gotten . I owe my safety to it. I tread lightly in dealing with most narcs now. Much like harry potter i wish I could turn invisiable.

[@mendedandwhole]

@@JD12310they can’t take responsibility because it’s a band gang of demons and need to be casted out they can’t be counseled.

[@Salvnite]

I was so naive that I took the mask off my covert narc...now I moved to another state to find multiple people who have a different face same character and I messed up by agitating one because he got on my nerves though there are many others here I am just going to "leave it at that" be forced to live around them because I have no other choice though I am going to make sure I don't claim that the ones I haven't said anything about their true colors don't know I suspect or know they are a narcissist. At this point I don't even know if they're a narcissist though something in my gut is saying "play it safe for now " get stronger by knowing what to do around destructive toxic power hungry people AND THEN you could start making friends... doesn't seem like life or the world prepares you for not being taken advantage of though is actually an accessory to "the crime " though in some ways such as how the body could suppress stress and pain and has pattern recognition capabilities as a biological being IS helpful... alongside blending in capabilities...

[@dai19721]

when he talks to you have witnesses. that calms them down...never get into a one on one.

[@cristinalz9395]

How does one disassociate from being a magnetic to a narcissist?

[@louisegarner8888]

Invest a little then vett and test to meet and match levels of reciprocity. If they do less, you do less. Stop oversharing and compromising yourself, recognise the red flags. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Respond don't react, observe don't absorb. Let them earn your respect. It's a lack of healing within ourselves so it's no medal of honour to be a narc magnet. Do the inner child and shadow work.

[@beyondnzt4866]

Technical suggestion: new to your channel and 💯 👏 content - in many of your videos,however, your audio volume is Lower vs other KZbin, channels… You have a pleasant soft spoken voice (don’t change it & don’t talk louder - but figure out out to up the Amp technically as others have done (that way driving or listening off earbuds - we can easily hear and adjust volume etc (I’m not hard of hearing - but this suggestion implemented would be awesome ;)

[@dulceoliveira3601]

What about the malignant narcissistic?

[@ladyvirgo013]

Oh you just confirmed my soon ex husband is the covert, great at Shape-shifting. He gone on to shack up with his coworker after being married to me for 12 years, it seems as though he put me in the mother role. Hes the golden boy in his family, the mother, grandmother and sister are his enablers. At his discard his eyes went dark and his voice changed. Its a blessing in disguise that hes gone. Although i may have been codependent 12 years ago, Him and anyone else who are Narcissist are absolutely a problem in our society

[@BarbzSA]

I'm wondering if the old tales of romances 'written in the stars' were really based in the dance between npds and slds.

[@michignamymichigan]

Narcissists are self love depleated and they are co dependent. 😮

[@doloresrobertson7265]

Unfortunately, evil spirits are real, and they do exist, whether you “believe in them’ or not.

[@id9139]

Ross, are they evil? Are they shape-shifters? How can someone be physically smaller after a perceived humiliation? How can someone physically shrink after they scurry away? Are they human or is there another entity in there?

[@tanyakashyap6944]

Demonic

[@ladyvirgo013]

Totally. I seen my soon ex husband's eyes go dark and voice changed. He definitely has entity attachments

[@sameejo92]

I’ve watched your video on the differences of ASPD BPD sociopathy and covert narcissism- I’ve researched for years about a child female in my life. You’ve hit the needle on the head in that video and this video. The only thing I’m so confused on is this individual has no history of trauma. At all. And has never needed nor waited long for any of her wants but she was born this way. She’s 17. What does it mean if there has been no trauma? I’m so confused!!

[@sameejo92]

The only trauma I can think of is that her little sister was born. Because of the way that she has treated her throughout her life. We just found out a year ago that she’s been slapping her sister in the face all her life and I found out from the gma that when the younger sister was an infant she slapped her in the face then as well. But she uses and manipulates her younger sister so they have good and bad times depending on whether older sister needs anything from her. Like I always flipped flopped between ASPD and NPD. But your explanation of how they converge feel like a weight lifted off my shoulder but now I’m met with the dilemma I just outlined- if nothing traumatic happened to them in childhood why would someone be like this?

[@visionvixxen]

This conversation is very hard to follow. I don’t know why but just wanted to let youknow

[@imalwaysme4332]

My mother is 80 and pretending to have dementia! Pretending she is frail so anyone of us will move in with her to keep her company. I know she is faking because at the doctors office she passes all tests with flying colors.

[@doloresrobertson7265]

Wow, it’s really sad that you don’t believe in evil spirits.

[@d.gardner2417]

This sounds very scary

[@revheimliliam1305]

Also machiaveliv, to be a Prince he needs a Cinderella, so he contradicys himself, as Narcissist wants to exploit you And machiaveliv want to bring you downs,

[@jogee7603]

You don't believe in witchcraft?🤯 Can you please explain? Your statement threw me for a loop! Do you believe there's such thing as evil???

[@NarrelleChain]

Its not true about taking mask off, what can they do, I don"t care, I'm sister, no there's nothing they can do except be nasty and that's usual anyway!

[@commonsenselucy5697]

The covert narc in my life, I find is a "COWARD." How about you? This is the second time in a 30 year relationship...we were very close friends....that she completely "ghosted me" because I told her the truth about something she didn't like; afterwards she completely blocked me. I sent a letter trying to work things out......and do you know she returned it "UN-OPENED." Return to sender with the mail. What a TOTAL SLAP IN THE FACE!!! So hurtful!!! I am DONE!!! Now, I realize she has a TON of issues. Ironically, I never saw it before because I was an SLD person, and always thought I was the one with the problems.....LOL. Now, I am healed and stronger, and finally see through her "mask."

[@juanadrianrobaina5763]

Soo interesting,thank you,I agree with everything you said here. I have been with an overt/ grandiose narcissist,who almost killed me,and went from that relationship to a covert narcissist,who is up and down and round and round with his behaviour on a daily,and you are right they truly believe that they deserve everything even when they don't lol,life is bittersweet with these individuals,when they are nice ,they are really nice but when they decide to hurt you it literally comes out of the blue like today for example ,we went to a pizza place together,and I decided to pay for the pizza because he had paid last time....long story short,he took money out of my purse,and it was twice as much as was necessary,and I waited for the change.....😮and when after a long silence nothing happened I decided to ask him ...he literally threw the money at me in frobt of everyone and saud that it was my fault that he was angry 😮😢 lolol,and ran off ...sooo embarrassing,well I did not run after him ....this is my life with a covert ,mental narcissist 😢,sooo much suffering... I grew up with an alcoholic mother who killed herself and with a grandiose narcissistic father who always said I needed to work harder and who was never satisfied...oh,one more thing ,I discovered that many narcissistic people are addicted to pornography,on a daily ,and they prefer porn over real sex ...😮greetings from Katya in Cuba

[@juanadrianrobaina5763]

Soo interesting,thank you,I agree with everything you said here. I have been with an overt/ grandiose narcissist,who almost killed me,and went from that relationship to a covert narcissist,who is up and down and round and round with his behaviour on a daily,and you are right they truly believe that they deserve everything even when they don't lol,life is bittersweet with these individuals,when they are nice ,they are really nice but when they decide to hurt you it literally comes out of the blue like today for example ,we went to a pizza place together,and I decided to pay for the pizza because he had paid last time....long story short,he took money out of my purse,and it was twice as much as was necessary,and I waited for the change.....😮and when after a long silence nothing happened I decided to ask him ...he literally threw the money at me in frobt of everyone and saud that it was my fault that he was angry 😮😢 lolol,and ran off ...sooo embarrassing,well I did not run after him ....this is my life with a covert ,mental narcissist 😢,sooo much suffering... I grew up with an alcoholic mother who killed herself and with a grandiose narcissistic father who always said I needed to work harder and who was never satisfied...oh,one more thing ,I discovered that many narcissistic people are addicted to pornography,on a daily ,and they prefer porn over real sex ...😮greetings from Katya in Cuba