What to Do When You Feel Abandoned

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

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[@patm.-xq5tr]

I've decided that besides not dating jerks, we can't have friendships with people who are inconsistent or lacking in their communications. It produces some of the same kinds of attachment issues.

[@jenniferg6818]

Yes. Insightful.n

[@hipchicagal2111]

Annnnddd... BAM!

[@Mmmmkaaay]

At the age of 50 I'm finally realizing that the only person who can truly abandon me is myself. People always come and go or die or leave.

[@BOT-dv9lz]

Very near 50 here, and realizing by terapy all now. I was in a "dark forrest not finding my way out". Learning to be my best friend, communicate with my self in a good way and have empaty for my self. Yes, people come and go, but I will always stay and be consistant. Letting them go is a important part. I dated i woman (widow) for a time, but i feelt like i was the third person in the relationship.

[@cynthiahoag2941]

I love Pete Walker's book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving." He has a list of things to do when you recognize that abandonment melange in a few different places in the book. It was such a revelation when I recognized it for myself. "This is real! There's a name for it!" We know so much more now than twenty years ago.

[@karen0karen]

I want to let you know that I started doing the Daily Practice and it is amazing! It only took me several years to decide to try it and, wow, I wish I had tried it earlier. I have a really great therapist but it was never enough. I would always get this build-up of crap in my brain, the kind of stuff that is too much for friends. I started to feel like 'saving it up' for my therapist was not working. So I tried the Daily Practice. First time and what a relief! I do it every morning now. So far once a day works for me. I feel clean afterwards, ready to have a good day. Its such a simple thing and yet so powerful. Thank you so very much.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

What happy news! I totally get it. I go on like a broken record about it, and many don't try it. But when someone does, it's worth jumping up and down about! Hope to see you on a DP call soon.

[@Svetka.A]

​@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I'd try it but I can't afford it. I struggle with cost of living as it is.

[@phoebeboulanger5027]

I can attest to this too. I've been doing it for about 3 months (wish I'd started years ago when I first starting listening to Anna). I have energy, a much clearer mind, so much less triggered from day to day, and the future looks hopeful. I can't recommend it enough. I wish the whole world would do it.. ❤❤

[@Victoria-qc9vw]

I will try on vacation. I can't wait for a vacation, trust me. Thank you, dear Anna and the people :)

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@Svetka.A The Daily Practice is a free course! Here's a link to it: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@AbbyGPoetree]

Thank you Anna. I've never heard of the term 'Abandonment melange' before, but as an extreme 'emotional flashback' it seems to fit the bill as to what happened to me only a week ago, when my mother said something to trigger a deep-seated core belief that 'I don't matter'. Something primitive took over me and I (in my late forties) screamed and screamed and tried to hide in the corner to get away from her. I was literally terrified that she was trying to kill me, then I ran. I grabbed my coat and ran. It was quite surreal and we are both still reeling. Anyway, I'll stop there, as there is so much going on in my head, it's a struggle. Maybe I'll write you a letter at some point! But thank you - thank you for explaining so well this most difficult topic x

[@lorimiller4301]

It's okay. Don't be too freaked out. Your feelings are coming out sideways. They wait to be felt. Two books that really helped me get to my feelings were The Primal Scream by Arthur Janov and Focusing by Eugene T Glendin PhD. The release of pain can be scary. Animals that have a close call will shake all over to release the pain and fear from their system. You aren't weird or crazy. Thank you for being brave enough to share. People need to remember that we are animals too. Our bodies react in ways that can be odd to others who don't have a history of trauma. So i just wanted to reassure you that others have gone through nasty flashbacks, too. You aren't alone in that. Be kind to yourself. 🙂

[@AbbyGPoetree]

@@lorimiller4301 Thank you x

[@BlairLavery-f2i]

❤

[@Sommyie]

Autism was my problem. I have cptsd, but figuring out the ASD bit has been a huge relief. Life got harder, but it was always this way and i only just noticed it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here. Hope you will find Anna's content helpful. Nika@TeamFairy

[@mountainside26]

As usual Anna- you are the Boss. Your understanding, compassion, pragmatism and love show through to anyone who is even minimally able to hear your message. You are a wonder. You’ve been through the fire and are able to lead people out of serious darkness I am in awe of your level of true understanding. ❤️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your kind words towards Anna. We're glad you found her teachings helpful! Nika@TeamFairy

[@Channel89988]

Mom kept telling me to invite people for my 24th birthday. Guess what?! I dont feel like it. None of them were really there for me. I dont wanna be interrogated. I feel sad and alone. I avoid people. I am tired of trying to make friends. It never goes anywhere. Cant even be in a relationship. I feel lonely and sad. And theres nothing I can do.

[@Jasmine_breeze]

I am sending you virtual hugs because I was there too. Please go on therapy, if you can afford it. If not: yoga is free and it also helps to deal with feelings and moods.

[@Channel89988]

No new age never helped me. Only Jesus helped me and saved me from near death experiences.

[@szotynart]

This is a self defeating behaviour. You very much can take care of yourself and you can learn how to be around people, even if you don't know how yet! And if you can't do it for you as a person, you can try and do it for Jesus. If he was next to you, he would probably cheer for you and encourage you to get better. Take small steps. Yoga doesn't have to be treated as a spiritual thing, you can do it as an exercise and connecting with your nervous system. You can pray to your god during it if it makes you feel better. Sometimes isolation is what you need, if the friends and family you have is actively hurting you but don't stay there for too long, or you might learn the hard way, that this sucks long term.

[@anais1228anais]

Same😢💔

[@emilyw842]

I'm sorry you feel so hurt and sad. There is hope and there is healing from hurts and sadness. I've felt those things fir so much of my life. When I didn't, it was because I was always going, always moving, always doing something somewhere with someone. I still struggle with these feelings but I'm not doing all the things I did when I was younger to not have to stop long enough to feel them. Anna's insights have helped greatly, just by having a name for it. I was never abused or yelled at. My feelings and thoughts were never asked for therefore never addressed. I was an extremely sensitive child. I felt the emotions of others intensely. I read those into my own feelings and opinion about myself far too much. I didn't know I mattered in that I didn't know anyone loved me. I know I was cared for physically but didn't know someone loved me. My parents never told me I love you. Ever. I knew my dad really cared about me, but I felt judged and imperfect to my mom. When in my later 20s when my mom first said she loved me, it was in such a way that I couldn't feel it and it made me so uncomfortable. I could never say it back. I hope you will see and feel that you matter and that you are worthy of love. I hope you can talk to someone that will just listen, and tell them how you feel, what you are thinking. I hope you will find joy in your life. I think you matter. I know that Jesus loves you. ❤

[@alisonolley4042]

The memory loss might have been a part of dissociation. Some people use alcohol to compartmentalise to cope. They will blame the alcohol because dissociation means we have all the feelings like shame and remorse but we aren’t able to take responsibility as it doesn’t feel like it was ‘us’ or something we can control as it’s a coping mechanism and despite bad consequences it kept us safe

[@tajat866]

Fairy; "When you are an adult, they cannot abandon you." Yes to this!

[@BOT-dv9lz]

This really hit home a lot of times for me. All from a massive burn out , getting terapy and realizing why and what. It was like being born again. Its happen so much and cjanging me a lot. But rewiring takes time and years. But knowing not to work harder, and rather work different, smarter and being kind to my self being my best empatic friend have been a gamechanger.

[@Auntigenjen]

Bless you and your work!~ CCF ROCKS!!~

[@cookiemonster3147]

Dear Fairy, I was crazy about my previous girlfriend. We went on a holiday to Switzerland and there she broke up with me after 3 days while we had coffee on a terrace. Can you imagine how I felt? In hindsight its so absurt I cant think about it without laughing. And my compliments for your channel. I think your insights and words are outstanding.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sorry to hear that. Hang in there! And we're glad you are here and find Anna's content helpful :) Nika@TeamFairy

[@cookiemonster3147]

​@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks! The content of your channel is very insightful and helpful. Bless you all.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Happy New Year... a year of healing...

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

IMO Richard needs Therapy,Meds and Support Groups before even thinking about a relationship..

[@alisonreed590]

Happy New Year Anna 🤗 thanks for all you do ✨💫 much love 💕xx

[@leonaflamenco]

Thank you very much for your work, well done.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@perplexetic]

This is so helpful. Serious parallels in this woman’s experience and the half relationship Im trying to move on from now. I miss him so much, but he was telling me he didnt want a relationship and literally leaving the state in between the love talk and future “plans”. Im struggling to accept that he was leading me on and this helps

[@lovearttherapyalways]

Thanks so much for this! This speaks clearly to me and I am proud of myself for being able to turn away from these types of relationships now. (even friendships that are one sided)... I no longer paint the red flags white. I now realize just how much I used to crap fit in order to have mere crumbs. No longer. I rather be alone and true to myself. Thanks again for all you share! God bless!

[@theunspeakable24]

Happy New Year. Thank you for all of your offerings..

[@Jasmine_breeze]

Dear Anna, please show her empathy too. After all, the girl told him that for now she prefers a platonic relationship, because when he drank he ignored her. After all, she also had a difficult childhood. since she has CPTSD, but she gave him a second chance. For him it is a good opportunity to learn how not to be obsessive. I'm writing this from my own experience. I'm the kind of woman who now takes guys on hold. I'm only able to promise friendship. A friendship means a lot and I'm a very loyal and devoted friend. I simply have PTSD, because I was a victim of domestic violence so drastic that I won't write about it for now. Later, unfortunately, I got involved with guys who abused me, also financially. Now I'm in therapy and I'd rather get to know someone well, make friends before I get physically involved. Besides, that's what my therapist advises me.

[@rachelgregory888]

The girl knows he wants more, and she's stringing him along by wanting to go on holiday with him. That's not fair. She could go on holiday with someone else, or alone. They clearly want different things. He needs to close off the relationship and she needs to actively go along with that.

[@butanywhere]

​@rachelgregory888 I disagree, he didn't say that he communicated clearly to her that the only thing he's open to is a relationship. She expressed what she wants and if he doesn't want that he's free to take action. There are people who prefer a long friendship before anything happens romantically, that is her prerogative.

[@SuzyBee-zs9hb]

@@butanywhere I agree.

[@mattesrocket]

About the last case: I could be someone like the last man (when I was younger) and would have these secret reasons I don't want to talk about why I don't want to have a close relationship to a person who could be normally good for me as a partner even in a fair partnership, I even have a couple of reasons why I have to create a huge distance or a long break or an actual end of the growing partnership, and, when I was younger I was like him: not able to say "we need to go seperate ways, it's now the moment to end the friendship": there are a couple of psychological forces that makes it impossible for those men to end a friedship and then, when not ending the friendship, unwillingly ghost... But the result of this is just one thing: any woman does such a man a favour by saying "sad, but we have to end the friendship". It can bring the man for a short time to an emotionally bad place but it's urgently and completely necessary for the man to have no half-partnership or any other weird friendship to get free capacities to go into a profound healing phase/therapy, to finally, finally focus on himself and his problems.

[@jilllynn547]

Thank You For Sharing. 🙏💌

[@delorisharrison6731]

The problem is, I think MOST people have CPTSD - so dating someone who doesn’t have it , can be a bigger challenge than having 2 set of trigger points.

[@xhaxha1028]

This guy doesnt sound like anyone who should be trying to get into any intimate relationship. I wouldn't blame the woman here at all.

[@SuzyBee-zs9hb]

Yeah, as a girl who’s had some very abusive relationships I now have a rule that the guy has to be able to be friends first so I can get to know him. If he doesn’t respect me asking for that (and I do too, I don’t deliberately hit on him or anything) then to me it’s likely he won’t respect things later on.

[@tjcarr70]

I seem to alienate everyone around me, I just cannot connect with people. Divorced Neighbouur moved in several years ago and seemed to connect with me. I just cannot read the signs, now she does everything in her power to hurt me. I live in England and you just cannot show your feelings.

[@annak29]

I don't agree with your statement that "adults cannot be abanfoned in adult relationships, it's a choice both people have to walk away." When there is trust, agreements, commitments, then actions taken that contradict those foundations, and lack of emotional and other forms of connection, that is abandonment.

[@em97c]

That's true, but unless you are disabled to the point of not being able to work there is never going to be a point at which you can't meet your own needs, so the difference is that unlike a child who can't get along without a caregiver you can always make ends meet for yourself now.

[@FlatStella1]

thank you

[@janetsnowbell3648]

Hello! What is the title of the third video here, where Anna is wearing black? It's one with a list of reasons why folks with CPTSD experience abandonment more. I would like to find and listen to that original video. Warm thanks. :)

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

The video is here: "Hint: It's Not Because You "Want to Re-Create Your Childhood"": kzbin.info/www/bejne/pajbgH-qec2Kp9U Nika@TeamFairy

[@jeanniecampbell1374]

I think this is a bit unfair on the woman that gave him boundaries she is not there to give her story , maybe there are worse thing that may have happened to her but she is just not ready for a sexual relationship . But I do like the other advice you give him because you are taking him away from fantasy ( which a lot of traumatised in childhood do ) because what else did they have .

[@sheilamcgee7274]

I'm struggling today,married 15 years,when ever I try to address issues he shouts and swears at me. This is his patern ,I do most of the housework,he's a shed guy he has abondament issues. Nice guy on the whole. I'm feeling really crappy today,and he has apologised but I'm hurting,I am sure he is to any feedback welcome.

[@Montserrat09]

how to handle anger for having benefited a narcissist for having limerence with him?

[@lorimiller4301]

Forgive yourself for liking your fantasy. It wasn't really him that was so great. It was your idea of him. So it's not him. He can't be responsible for the idea of him that anyone has. Let it go. We've all been crazy about someone that we imagined compared to the real person.

[@tinkleshartzinpants4221]

Why is it that I have not heard of a story that is bad in way mine was, I need to write in sometime

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Please do whenever you are ready! You can submit your letter here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters Nika@TeamFairy

[@Turidification]

🙏❤️🙏

[@aratrikroy984]

Just a suggestion: Can you please make shorter videos? It helps a lot to be attentive and take in the full content

[@annak29]

What???? You can save, bookmark, text the link to yourself, take it in segments. Try to help yourself.

[@smartypants6198]

Your short attention span is not her problem. Her videos help even therapists

[@Dobermanmomma]

It's on the creator to make watchable content not the viewer. What viewer is editing someone's videos? Wish I had that kind of time.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@aratrikroy984 This is a compilation video Anna releases only once a week. Shorter videos are released every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Nika@TeamFairy

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@Dobermanmomma This is a compilation video Anna releases only once a week. Shorter videos are released every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Nika@TeamFairy