Dads and Courtship, Taylor Swift's New Album, and Overworked Grandmas | Ep. 291

[@anastasiachovgan4073]

Spot on take on the grandma. I'm shocked at all the comments saying it's a wild take. Babysitting every now and then is great, but several days a week EVERY week is a lot for an elderly person.

[@hugsforlove]

It 10000% depends on the parent my parents are older 60-70 and they LOVE watching my 3 kids they ask to watch them but my in laws do not watch our kids hardly at all because even a few hours is alot for them.

[@tabithafullan9941]

I also thought their answer to the grandma question was spot on! I think the commenters who didn’t like it are taking what they said as a general rule, instead of an answer to a specific question, which is what it was. The grandma in question had made a negative comment which seemed to imply she was getting a little burnt out with how much she was watching her grands. Other grandmas could be totally fine with the same amount of grandkid-watching (or more!), but they were addressing this specific grandma in this specific situation. Sounded wise to me too!

[@ShesMakinDough]

Agree 100% it's YOUR children to mother . I understand the need if help but if you want to continue to have children and grow your family you have to make sure YOU can raise them. It's great for help but it shouldn't be the grandparents responsibility

[@kimsims952]

As a parent of three girls with the youngest 18 and graduated high school this year, I can vouch that your advice is spot on. I trust my daughter's opinions because they were raised gradually to make their own decisions. And it has been my daughter to inform us that a boy was creepy when they were a gentleman while in front of us. Thanks for being so transparent with your audience. ❤

[@jessicam8346]

You made a great point about pop music. I have a friend who is a matchmaker and when she was asked about how to get over a break-up or unhealthy infatuation, she said to stop listening to pop music. It's really not great for understanding love in a healthy way, and can override our emotions to make us like something that isn't great for us. On top of that, listening over and over can make us have certain phrases, lyrics, words repeated in our mind that can make us focus less on better, holier wisdom.

[@cderry10]

Watching your grandchild eight out of one hundred and sixty eight hours per week is the furthest from being a parent or your child abdicating their role as a parent. What a blessing that a grandma wants to do this! And I hope the daughter doesn’t feel guilt for it!

[@jaord530]

8/160 hours isn’t too many but I think they were saying 8 consecutive hours on a single day in addition to the intense care the grandmother is providing to the other grandchildren IS too much on the grandmother. Writer shouldn’t have guilt for accepting help but changing the way it looks especially if she wants enthusiasm from her mama for subsequent kiddos would probably be helpful. She can’t change how much her sister relies on the mother for care but she can control how much and the way she does so that it provides more balance and a chance for excitement from grandmother.

[@toliveischrist3330]

Maybe the taking care of them is not even the problem for the grandma. Maybe she sees her daughters and/or sons in law overwhelmed with parenting. Maybe she sees the financial hardship they’re in (and I said “maybe”). So many escenarios could be the actual reason/s she believes the amount of children they have is fine for now. Coming to any conclusion not hearing the other side is not adequate.

[@nothanksmegan]

100% agree. More boomers need to watch their grandkids. We have less support than ever as families.

[@sarahw7244]

I agree about the courtship. I had committed to courting as a young teen. But my husband came along when I was 24, had a 4yr degree, living out of the house, and was working as a nurse. My mom was a single mom, and she didn't like my boyfriend. It wasn't that he didn't love Jesus, he did. But he wasn't financially successful and my mom didn't want that struggle for me. It started our relationship on a bad foot and it never recovered. My husband of 14 years and my mom do not have a relationship. Many hurtful things have been said to him, me, and us. My fiance ended up asking my dad who lives out of state for his ok instead. Courtship doesn't take into account at what age and stage a person might be in once they court. Most people don't believe that a female has to live in her parent's house and be their "child" until they marry. It has made me very careful to recall this once this time comes in our children's lives. This person your child likes may become your family, whether you like it or not. If there are any concerns you need to share, it needs to be done in a humble manner, not an authoritarian manner. If you are dealing with anyone 18 or over, they're an adult. Your job is no longer to parent, but to walk alongside and give humble wisdom when asked.

[@lavendersbluefarm7738]

As my 13 yo starts asking about dating I SO APPRECIATE your perspectives. I never heard of courtship or Christian dating. The only thing I heard was abstinence but no other guidance. Thank you!! I hope to help guide my children well. ❤

[@D25611]

I 100% agree on the grandmother situation. God gave these children to you & your husband & babysitting a couple hours of the week is one thing. But complete days (unless its like doctors appointments or something) is not taking responsibility of your own child. Be a homemaker, housewife & mama. Be present with your children! Im not talking extreme circumstances...like illness ,health issues ,etc. Another note, I'm a mama myself & the whole mindset nowadays that I DESERVE a day to go shopping & get coffee ,etc ... THAT IS A LIE! We need time to take care of ourselves & at times our husband's need to step in & make so we have time to do what we need to. But , we are moms & one of the greatest blessings we have is to do things with our kids.... don't let women on the internet make you feel left behind for simply being a mom & not getting certain days off weekly to go kid free. Ladies, the best way to recharge is spending time in God's word. That is the greatest encouragement & sustenance we can get! It will carry us through the hard times❤ i need to grow in this myself ❤🙏

[@jaord530]

Me bawling crying whenever I listen to “Remember When” or “Don’t Take the Girl” 😭🥹😭🥹 loads of “old” country songs as recent as the 80s and 90s that are absolutely beautiful 3-5 minutes tales of life and love.

[@Pocketlint143]

YESSSS

[@frometernity87]

Wow - I super enjoyed this episode! Thoroughly appreciated you both sharing openly the thought process as to why ya'll aren't into the Taylor Swift scene - it was just so simple and makes complete sense - and I enjoyed even more so your sharing about courting and how parents can be careful to create a courtship environment that creates accountability and black/white standards but still leaves appropriate occasions (with the parameters you mentioned of hour of the day and location) for the more intimate and personal conversations that need to be had before an engagement/proposal ensues. Also really appreciated Katie's transparency about having a sense of rebelliousness the second time round and what could have led to that, and that really resonated with me reflecting on my own experiences and I completely agree with Katie that it's a dangerous place for one's child to get to, so one has to be so careful how they manage courtships. So wow, and just wow! So much wisdom to draw from and take mental notes for when we approach that age with our own in the next decade+.

[@mallorydevine4749]

This episode is one of my top 5 favorite episodes that you two have ever done! Thank you so mich for sharing your hearts here ❤

[@YolandaMLopez]

Its the other sister and her kids as well. She watches them more often and the one sister with the one child. So yes its once a week but it is for 8 hours. And truthfully its not easy work mentally and physically. But grandma might be burnt out watching her other grandkids a couple times a week for several hours on top of the baby. I notice it with my own mother who practically begs me to come over and help me with my 3 kids 2 and under.. and i have to encourage her to just stay home and rest or take care of things.

[@RCGWho]

8 hours isn't 40 as if it's a full time gig. Unless she's an elderly grandparent or has health issues, it shouldn't be lack of energy. She's either not really a "kid person", or perhaps perimenopausal or menopausal and wanting "me" time, or she's subtly cluing her daughter in on an unspoken boomer 2 child philosophy. Maybe the sisters have part-time jobs? Maybe it's the set in stone commitment instead of a random date night or sleepover?? When you're a Mom, you're on a short leash for about 30 years. She probably feels like she can't travel or do much because of the 3 day commitment.

[@Hannahcheering]

I was very shocked to hear your view on the role of grandparents. I think it depends on the life and bandwidth of each Grandparent. Some might not want to watch a child on a weekly basis while others may love to help out a few hours each day. It's a parent's job to take care of their kids but helping out for X amount of hours a week can create a very healthy community and support system. M is for mama is a great example where she pays her mom to help out with homeschooling instead of trying to do it all on her own. I love watching each and every episode thank you all for the amazing content.

[@jessicablank6470]

Love and agree with your take on Taylor Swift, country music, and the grandma who babysits. How can the daughter expect her mother to be thrilled about potentially more work and responsibility for her (grandma)?

[@angelinagutierrez909]

Your Taylor Swift conversation has made me LOL! Hearing you both retell, the story is hilarious and makes me laugh with tears in my eyes… Not sure if that was your intent, but that was my reaction. I really needed a good laugh. You guys both seem to have a great sense of humor, a deep love for each other, and a huge respect for yourselves and your marriage, and with all that you can laugh with an at each other and still kiss in the next moment, which is great.

[@RebeccaM132]

Elisha looks like Georg von Trapp from The Sound of Music!! Even more so with his hair sweeping to the side. Very handsome!

[@hanmo564]

I appreciate y’all :)

[@Hunternicholeeee]

I think grandma should overlap the day she watches yours with your sisters kids! So it doesn’t feel so intense! My mom begs to watch our kids so we decided on everything Thursday they have a sleep over & i pick up Friday morning. I have 3 girls, my brother has 1 girl. My mom started getting hai that same day as well. She gets so devastated if something comes up where the girls can’t come! So i think it’s more so the 8 hour day on top of having the others so much! 💗💗💗 i do know my mom says she is whooped once they leave & says that’s exactly why we have them when we’re young! 😂😅

[@m83148w]

Totally agree! Overlap days. Find a solution where the daughters can still work, but grandma isn't tired. But the take that they have that grandma is raising the kids is so wild to me.

[@m83148w]

Maybe I'm the problem 😆 bc I don't actually think grandma is watching her kids that much? Once a week for 8 hours isn't a lot imo. If grandma spread herself thin that's on grandma! With you guys having so many siblings I would be interested in hearing how your parents divide their grandparent time. Maybe this grandma needs to consolidate time and have a day overlap with the kids at her house to help both sisters at once.

[@ShesMakinDough]

I don't think it's just her child for 8 hrs a week I think that alone would be awesome but the grandmother is also watching her sisters 3 children twice a week ..that's a lot for someone who's not in that season of life

[@hannahwomack8721]

I love your shirt, Katie! Did you make it?

[@bacchetta5]

Katie is spot on with her analysis of courtship and the frustrations she encountered as the first child in her family with a serious relationship. It's good she's learned what not to do in that type of situation with her kiddos in the future. Much respect! One thing that sucks about not spending the night together with someone pre-marriage is that they may have a character flaw that you couldn't have known about beforehand... My example (Not a red flag tho) is that my husband is a grump most mornings when he first wakes up, is not aware of how he sounds or interacts with me sometimes, and also gets "hangry" very often...The first few months were a big struggle for me to learn how to interact with him in his grumpy morning phase and when hanger struck. (He did get better thankfully.....but married for 4 years and its still a struggle LOL.) I still advocate for for not spending the night together pre-marriage, but I don't know how I would've figured that out beforehand! lol

[@RCGWho]

She does have a lot of wisdom from her experience. Being alone alone after hours is the big nono. Obviously, privacy creates opportunities, plus the later hour the poorer your choices. On your issue with your husband. Here's the thing about dating: a. Everyone's on their best behavior trying to win each other over b. Marriage exposes flaws in both of you. One's you didn't know they had as well as ones you didn't know you had. One's a sleepover wouldn't expose. He might not have even understood he had morning crabby issues or hanger issues until he had someone getting in his way, encriaching on his space, in a way he hadn't dealt with before. My husband had the hangry thing, too, and I'd never seen it. He'd get super ticked off out of the blue, but worse, made it my fault. I let him know he needed to carry snacks if low blood sugar was an issue. I think men are still growing in their early 20s, so eating is a huge deal.

[@SherryMacoy-dk4zh]

I would never want my parents or my in laws put in a position where they even feel obligated to parent rather than grandparent. I’ve already started training my own children to have this mindset for when I am a grandparent 😂

[@hannahthehomesteader]

You guys kinda jumped to conclusions about the grandma. But I will say that the one and only time that my in law's made a comment like that, I stopped asking for help as much. I've had 2 more children since then and they've only expressed joy in them since. They now seek out opportunities to watch them for me and I don't push too much.

[@laurens8623]

I like your crochet top Katie. Did you make it?

[@cesiah527]

Hii! Could you please do a video on parenting books you would recommend? Really enjoy listening to you both, I just had my first baby 10 weeks ago and now I’m thinking about my little girl dating and how I will handle that 😂

[@HaleyManning-dn2mt]

I want to preface this with, I love your podcast. I've been following you since NTIAM was a channel, and I am in the GIADC as well.. however... I always cringe a bit when you talk about this lifestyle of raising your children 100 percent on your own with no help. Some of us women HAVE to work, and HAVE to rely on others to help us. It comes across as condemning and hurtful when you speak of working mothers sometimes. Of course, it's our hearts desire but I still believe we can raise healthy, happy, children who love God and others while working PT or even FT. I will continue to follow and listen bc I have for years and I loved your last interview with that man (blanking on his name). But PLEASE tread a little lighter when it comes to your responses, we are all just doing the best we can 😕

[@cderry10]

And it’s a beautiful, healthy thing to have community to invest in your children’s lives!! I was raised the way Elisha and Katie push for on their podcast and there’s just no way for parents to be the end all, be all, and welcoming other people such as grandparents, school teachers, Sunday school teachers etc is such a huge gift to parents and children. I’m currently experiencing it as I raise my children. Christian community being lived out!!

[@christinaloyd9949]

Your take on grandparents helping with caretaking of grandchildren is wild. Millions and millions of grandparents LOVE to spend time and take care of their grandchildren. Watching a child for 1 daytime a week is not “raising your child.” Maybe your parents can’t or don’t want to take care of your kids, but a lot of our moms and mother in laws do! And they truly enjoy it. I’ve heard this take from you guys a few times and every time it leaves me confused. How is there a problem with a healthy, active grandparent wanting to spend time every week taking care of their grandchildren??

[@cderry10]

💯 ❤️

[@lavendersbluefarm7738]

I think it was a combination of the two sets of grandchildren combined for a total ofn3 days a week and just the grandma’s feelings on it. Some women are happy to do 3 days a week, some don’t have that capacity. I think it’s good for people to hope for help from grandparents but not feel entitled to it. I am guessing this is their view. And if you have 11 kids and each of them have kids, you would have to think about your abilities and act accordingly.

[@hugsforlove]

My mom is 67 almost 68 and has stage 4 breastcancer and her and my 72 year old dad watch my 3 kids under 4 and my niece that is 2 AND my newborn niece /3 year old niece all at the same time and LOVE it they all play together and get along good they literally ask if they can have the kids come over it just depends on the grandparents and the kids if the kids have a bad day they don't watch them for a week because they're wore out lol😂 in general id say they watch my 3 and my 2 year old niece 2 times a week with no problems or complaints just love. And all 6 of the girls once or twice a month same thing just love❤ it all depends on the grandparents! I saw someone else post that they had a great answer specific to the question and I kind of agree the grandma in question may not want to continue to watch the kids but that isn't all grandmas!❤

[@laurens8623]

GOD did give sarah a baby at 90. Im still going to getr my health back and be a mother with energy

[@anastasiachovgan4073]

That's the exception, not the rule

[@doratuininga4121]

i love the collar on your top,but the patch look on the sleeves,ah not my fav

[@hayleysutton6124]

I love you guys and will definitely continue to listen and recommend; but your take on Taylor Swift/pop and then old “wholesome” country is pretty confusing lol

[@claudia_christianmommy]

The heart is what the Lord sees, so like for dating I’m thinking of how David was chosen as king. Unfortunately we don’t see a mans heart but God does. Be gracious as Jesus the Holy Spirit is; He is gracious to discern what the best advice is to give for our children. Honestly I wish I had your parents growing up. I enjoy hearing the videos of those Q/A’s with them; but I can say as a person raised in a broken ungodly home; the Lord is faithful to his children despite the upbringing. Wisdom is freely given to those who ask for it. The Lord will guide you guys in parenting your children when they start dating. Just treat their interests of people with respect and get to know them personally before giving your opinion to your kids. Have intentional questions ready to know their passion and intentions for dating your kids. God is so good just wanted to share. God bless you guys! I enjoyed this Q/A episode

[@hugsforlove]

❤❤

[@laurens8623]

Yes their songs are not our lives so we shoildnt get emotionally entangled

[@RCGWho]

What about the letter writing requirement with your Dad reading the letters?? What about the purity culture backlash going on? How many of them were courtships?

[@RCGWho]

Listened to and read the lyrics to all ***31*** songs on TS album. I could rant, but if 18 f bombs on Down Bad alone is something you want to sing with your daughters (along with themes of adultery, revenge, lust, bitterness, sacrilegious Christian references, stalking your ex) then it's something you might like. Grandparents: older generations boomer to gen x are under the influence of the stereotyped of 2 children, no less and definitely no more, and the "being able to afford them". They have the idea the you are allowed Johnny and Susie, but that's it. They also believe you're to produce perfect children with perfect GPAs, attend private schools, that attend the best college, and have an impressive ($$$) career. To achieve this you must have an income large enough for all the lessons, all the sports, private school, buy them a car, pay for college if they don't get scholarships, and pay for a fancy wedding. So, 2 kids max to achieve all this. The Grandma had 2 children. Unless she had infertility issues, that's all you need to know about her 2 child philosophy. She also has the mindset that she did her time, now it's me time perhaps. Being a Grandparent is just the next phase of life where you aren't on duty 24/7 and yet *ger* to be a blessing to someone who is!!

[@Jan-xp8yi]

People get into a physical relationship way too soon nowadays. Even Christians it seems….

[@lynneford1023]

I don't come here to hear about Pop culture seems opposite of all that you stand for. Personally I skipped ahead to the next question in the interview.

[@lynneford1023]

Appreciate your channel so much

[@Memore18]

The whole arrange marriage sounds just weird. I do believe in maintaining virginity until marriage if you fear, obey and love God. But the whole arrange and chaperone things sounds too constricted and discouraging.

[@nothanksmegan]

3 days a week as a retired grandparent doesn’t seem like that much…. I think your take is wrong.

[@malerielindsey]

Everyone has different limitations and Katie's feedback is based off the words of this particular family.

[@RCGWho]

I saw to u2 about 6 years ago. I think the day of the concert they released the video for Love is Bigger Than Anything in it's Way. Bono has constantly walked a line between being a Christian and being a secular leftist. Well, the line was completely crossed in this tr@ns/g@y affirming video. Against my better judgment, I went anyway. In the show, he put on the mephisto devil character (via video or hologram?)he popularized in the late 90s. I totally should have walked out. We keep pretending he's a poster child for being Christian and hip. We are so insecure about not being cool, we want a pop icon to make us feel better about ourselves.