Eight Things Narcissists Fear

[@Agheel963]

💯 Darren. In my experience narcissist are nobody desperately trying to prove they are somebody. Their desire for control knows no limit.

[@eindjelic8130]

Very well said.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Darren, You describe my narc Dad! I went back to no-contact, he can't control me anymore! He is 83 and I am 61, we don't live together, but in neighboring towns. I feel free of his control!

[@breezy0037]

I work with several severe narcissists and it's amazing how accurate everything said here is.

[@tdesq.2463]

Agreed. This guy's got Good Stuff.

[@charliesmith_]

He's genuine and to the point. Isn't that refreshing!!!

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Spot on Darren. Everything you said is exactly the case. There is nothing you can do, just walk away.

[@garyw8481]

I had no contact with my father for 5 years for these very reasons. I just knew I had to walk away.

[@K1RTB]

Worst fear of a narcissist: Getting old.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Being alone!

[@Louis-wp3fq]

One of the most frustrating experiences of dealing with a narcissist is the "reality distortion field" they project that helps them avoid the consequences of their behavior. Through evasion, manipulation, and intimidation, they very often get away with their absurd belief that the rules don't apply to them. Other people would often rather validate this belief than deal with the consequences of contradicting it. I find myself having to remind the people around me about this. Working with a narcissist is a nightmare.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Living with one or being married to one is even worse

[@JaneSmith.9941]

My husband is so obsessed with respect/disrespect that one of our kids started calling him "the Godfather". And yes, his view of respect is exactly what you described.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Yes, but without the violence!

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Wonderful video! Thank you so much ❤️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🏆

[@AnonAnon1]

I said some very harsh but true words to a narcissistic sibling, one who had cause real and unnecessary suffering when the family and me were at our weakest. I was not trying to win something or get otherwise get one over on them. I told the truth. Then I got rid of them.

[@anissaholmes4495]

1. Fear of not being special. Not the center of someone else’s world. 2. Do not like to be disrespected. Is not being obeyed or given special attention. Double standards with respect. 3. They fear your confidence. People who make decisions without their input. 4. The fear of losing control. Control of people actions and decisions. 5. They fear the victim’s retribution or retaliation. Fear of judgment and being berated. 6. Struggle with word “no”. 7. Fear of being exposed for what they really are. As a fraud or abusive 8. Fear of reality. They are no more special than anyone else. Other people have gifts and talents. 8.

[@christinereilly8829]

This describes my husband to a ‘T’. He is now at the escalation stage & it is frightening. With deep regret I have to leave him. 42+ years of marriage down the tubes! I pray without ceasing that I will survive the ensuing trauma.

[@triple999fruitful]

Direct, informative, and logical. Thank you Darren.

[@EddieJarnowski]

Ty. I needed to hear this. I stopped talking to my mother like 8 years ago. What you are explaining, she does it all but worse. Its a lose lose situation. No contact is the only solution. Never want to hear it again.

[@sarahyip2825]

Victims face great difficulty when sizing up the situation that presents itself. The task is so huge and inexplicable our instincts is to deny and tolerate for years and years. Till we become sick literally. We have no options other than accept that a family member has now become "an enemy" by their own actions and stance. An enemy of our soul and it is NOT our doing nor our choice. We grieve the loss, a loss worse than loss due to death. At the same time having to work on healing our battered selves physically and emotionally. It's an intentional pulling away from "the enemy" under the same roof sometimes which demands new skills we didn't know we possess. NPD traits dressed in productivity and poise demand that we see beyond the facade. Or be swallowed alive.

[@MarthaEllen88]

So relate to what you have said. Having to face this right now.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Well said their are the enemy within our own homes. Reminds me of the movie, sleeping with the enemy.

[@dollarsmum3453]

So well stated! Thank you so much, for what you say helps me to put to words what I'm suffering when I KNOW, but to try to explain this insidiousness, leaves one feeling very alone, indeed. I'm SO glad to have learned of your work since Richard Grannon's well-suited & recent Liverpool seminar. Just SO grateful! Beautifully insightful and done in such a wonderfully calm cadence -- a real blessing!!!🎉

[@garyw8481]

Trying to explain a narc to someone who has never experienced it is a fruitless endeavor. And yes it does make you feel VERY alone.

[@dollarsmum3453]

@garyw8481 I'm sorry that you're aware. I walk my neighborhood every day, knowing that statistically, there are a good number of us, but no one speaks. I've tried to gently explain wence I've come, and lost many potential friends--some by fear of their partner's that I be associated with. So sad... again, I'm sorry that you have experienced this too. 😮‍💨Thank you for your reply!

[@edwinsargent9105]

Thank you, Darren.

[@belladonna3249]

A useful reminder of what these people are like. Once you have the measure of them, it gets easier to protect yourself. I now have to resist the gleeful sport of narc-baiting 😂. Worthless horrible people

[@notaclue822]

I'm getting this treatment and I was not a significant partner or a very close friend. Its gone on for years. Others can't seem to see how inappropriate it is. I have been resolute and she knows I know and I think that just escalates it. I am no longer fighting or saying anything at all to the many 3rd parties in order to starve this monster. All I want is to be left alone.

[@luvwings]

They disrespect you, but want to be respected.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad pulls this, I don't respect, nor have anything to do with him!

[@mikec5255]

Hi Darren. Your videos are very informative and easy to understand. They have helped me understand the narcissistic behaviours in family members and how to cope. I have a subject for a topic you may wish to cover. What happens when two narcissists come together? What is the dynamic? How do they interact with each other? Does it become a competition? Does one back down?

[@DarrenFMagee]

I made a video a while ago about when narcissists collide if you’d find that interesting?

[@mikec5255]

Thank you, i will look back through your videos.

[@deanadutcher5877]

God himself will deal with them in more impactful ways than we ever could! 😊🥰

[@Dottyforgotty]

God won't do anything as he inflicted that person with it un the first place. Narcs are like anyone else with a mental illness. Granted I wouldn't want one in my life. But I do have compassion for anyone with a mental illness

[@davidmuyllaert8364]

Fantastic video Darren. Happy Christmas!

[@ivanaveltmeyer6373]

I believe that the biggest fear of narcissists is when you go no contact and they can’t control you anymore in any way! I’m a victim of psychopath and I have changed everything ( phone numbers, email address, got off social media, etc), I also have a protection order ( so he can’t go near me, live near me and can’t contact me through someone else and he is not allowed to contact my family either), he has zero control over me and that must drive him insane. I think that this is their biggest fear- losing control completely! Also Darren, I saw ( only shortly) video of you and Richard Grannson ( forgive me if I got his name wrong) and you were a host for his video about “ narcissist in family “, I’m sorry Darren, that guy gives me a really wrong vibe, I can’t say that I don’t like him, because I don’t know him but something about him feels weird and wrong. Please no offence but there are many more experts on narcissism who would be interesting to have podcast. ❤

[@daryapeppo2359]

I think I need to visit the museum of illusion in London. To remind me what it was being around narcissists.

[@duytran3150]

❤❤❤❤❤ excellent video. Big thanks from Vietnam.

[@jeankipper6954]

So true. I relistened to this for each of the 3 main narcs in my life, pop, mom, wasband. Each very different. And each one hit all your points. I too often think hey this is all my imagination. Yet 100% right on, for years. Hum. Joke, yet too true. I've often said I have a good grip on reality. But nothing like the headlock it has on me. A bit close to the bone there, for me, too often. Narcissists don't get it.

[@MichaelPiz]

To my N mother, "respect" means exactly the same thing as "obey." (The same goes, bizarrely, for "listen," as in "I'm your _mother!_ You have to listen to me!") So when I insisted that she needs to respect me (in the way that Darren describes true respect), she flew into a rage saying that she doesn't have to because to her that would mean obeying me. I wish it hadn't taken me until I was in my 40s to figure that out.

[@notagain779]

@MichaelPiz, I think people who need to feel superior really feel if you don't consider them an authority figure, and you're not being compliant, ( because maybe at 40 years old, you can think for yourself?? ) you're being defiant and just trying to undermine their "top dog" status in their own mind, anyway. It's really twisted. I had a father who didn't want me to grow up, and would say, "I'll always have way more experience of life than you do, no matter how old you get!" I wasn't supposed to ever think for myself. One day he said to me, "You don't take my word for the gospel truth." At age 53 then, I knew his mentality wasn't my problem, and I answered him, "I would think as a father, you would want me to have the ability by now to decide for myself how to think. I was making my own living, and my life was secure in all areas without any input from him, but only through my hard work and dedication to my career, yet he felt I still should be asking his advice. For his kids to become self - supporting was a huge threat to his identity and ego, sadly. I thought he might instead, have been proud of our accomplishments, but no. The night he died, he said to me, "I wasn't the father you wanted." I didn't answer. I don't miss him, either. I'm sorry your mother doesn't figure out that she's ruining what could be a nice relationship with you. The very best of relationships would be MUTUALLY respectful. You are YOU, and not HER! Hopefully, she'll realize that at some point. 🙏🏼

[@Lady420Ganja]

8:42 i laughed when you said this 😂 i initially said abandonment but this is better lol

[@Janette-k2o]

Merry Christmas❤❤❤

[@MarleyLeMar]

Dr. Magee, I have a request for a video. I'd like to know something about being a "thriver" (after doing a lot of survivor work--healing deep wounds that I internalized as a child and practicing healthy life skills that I never developed). I'm always aware of practicing the skills and thoughts I've learned. I'm trying to practice routines and reminders in the world, while, at the same time, I'm trying to get past the constant moving, to find presence and being in my authentic world. I'm feeling a tension between being spontaneous and being in recovery. What's the bridge and what's on the other side?

[@caroleminke6116]

EXPOSURE

[@ponytail911]

🎯💯

[@annrobinson7766]

There’s not one thing that you said here that’s not the truth. Happy Christmas from a local.

[@bethetruth1842]

Big heads that rattle 😂

[@Greenbambu78]

By now, you have some idea about what or who I am, I never had problems with cheating with anyone (meaning i don't cheat on people or had people cheated on me). Don't have any human kids, never had been married, had traveled around the world, a vid reader, enjoy good food and companies, very much a clean work and personal history and have been out of the dating pool for 8 yrs now and getting way too comfortable...do you think that is a bad thing? 😆☺☺

[@dp055]

4:20

[@mam12345-o]

Why they hate their own family, and love boyfriend and his family?

[@oliviafox6745]

They "love" anyone they can control. It's all a game to them.

[@mam12345-o]

@@oliviafox6745 thanks

[@davidrichardson5153]

You have described the labour government

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

I thought there would be way more than eight! Direct, informative, and logical. Thank you Darren. As a self-aware diagnosed narcissist ,il vouch for this video.

[@tomkitchen9457]

Too many ads

[@JamilaJibril-e8h]

Fail 😂😂😂😂😂 People hate failing 😂😂😂😂😂

[@douglasgreen437]

You have just discribed the leftwing mind set...

[@johnevemerton]

Wow. the timing of me seeing this video is perfect, I was with a narcissist for 4 years, and when we stopped seeing each other, I found the love of my life, but because i was trauma bonded, i ended up ruining things but i realized my mistakes, and did all i could to make sure i got her back and i did