DATING AN AVOIDANT ATTACHER MAY BE BENEFICIAL TO SOME INDIVIDUALS

[@turtle_chelle]

For me it was beneficial because it was a wakeup call that I had a poor sense of self worth

[@pretty_d00med]

And then the avoidant starts a running list of issues they never tell you about and you end up paying in the end for things you never knew about or had a chance to remedy. Everything comes with a cost.

[@Ahb2121]

This is so on point! My avoidant guy was very soft, trustworthy and loyal. I was coming off the back of 2 very abusive relationships and this was healing. For a time. Until the avoidant freaked out when I asked for commitment. My therapist has literally said exactly what you’re saying though, Ken. The avoidant guy served a purpose in my life, and I served a purpose in his (getting him to open up more than he had with others, even though it didn’t last).

[@rosemary_of_aragon]

They will still hurt you emotionally.

[@ourworldfinallyelaine]

Then they pull the rug from beneath you and you’re back to not trusting anyone. 🤣

[@toomanypetsful]

Yep 😂

[@R2-SO]

True to every word of it, but only in the beginning then as you said once emotions kick in, you will want moré that you won’t receive!! It happened to me, and this will at times frustrate you and get the worst of the emotional available partner having even the most secure attachers becoming anxious (my case).

[@a-pq4xj]

I was with a DA for 10 years. The issues she cited dated back six years. Each year, she tallied 1-2 grievances against me that she never communicated. Multiplied over six years, she believed she had built an invincible case against me. It was mind-blowing when the nice mask finally fell off. Learned that hard way about attachment styles. Will stay away from avoidants. It was really traumatizing.

[@rosemary_of_aragon]

@@a-pq4xj Ken really needs to take this video down. Not a single human being benefits from dating an avoidant. These people are psychologically destructive. They WILL traumatize anyone that comes too close to them. All avoidants must be avoided.

[@rupertperiwinkle4477]

Disagree , they cause more damage than benefits. Who benefits from dating a avoidant, maybe another avoidant? ? Avoidant behaviour is abusive which further traumatizes the already traumatized person. There is no saftey with avoidant, they only show you an illlusion of the partner you've been seeking, when in reality, they are emotionally closed off, and cant handle closeness in the relationship. Which threatens the very safey youve been seeking in a relationship.

[@rosemary_of_aragon]

100% exactly my experience dealing with an avoidant.

[@sapnapandey5922]

I have been through this but now the relationship has become very toxic and abusive how do I leave the relationship?

[@rosemary_of_aragon]

@@sapnapandey5922 simply say you want to end the relationship and walk away. Please do yourself the service of leaving someone that is psychologically hurting you.

[@McKinleyMorann]

Trendy labels like attachment styles are just models designed to help understand very complex and idiosyncratic behaviour patterns. We could never hope to encapsulate the complexity of an individual human by merely labelling them "avoidant" or "anxious", or whatever. Pathologising former partners is a dead end. Better to work on oneself.

[@tarkov666]

Right.. but labels do define a set of habits which can also guide people towards potential issues that they need to work on.

[@McKinleyMorann]

@@tarkov666 Absolutely, I agree - if people use them to help understand and work on themselves, that's brilliant. But lots of youtube content and especially the comments seem to focus on applying various trendy pathologies to ex girlfriends / boyfriends, which will likely get folk nowhere as far as self-development goes.

[@amybaldock9689]

He actually said that in one of his videos, he said it helps people trying to heal more though to give them labels and understanding 😊

[@sapnapandey5922]

You are right, ❤