Dating Sucks for Me - Here's Why... | Viewer Interview

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, and Meditation, and now Trauma!
With 150+ video chapters in a Final Fantasy-inspired skilltree, the new Trauma module is available for preorder! bit.ly/3GaubzI
Comprehensive mental health resources here: explore.healthygamer.gg/menta...
DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provide medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved one are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

[@definitelynotnick2454]

Viewer interviews are 10x more helpful that the celebrity ones

[@helgaotto7801]

Only if you’re not a celebrity yourself

[@Lazzil]

@@helgaotto7801 Not many people are celebrities. If everyone was a celebrity, no one would be a celebrity. :) Honestly, I like both types of interviews. Celebrities aren't quite as relatable as viewers, but I think they're unique and interesting. I definitely missed seeing these, though.

[@helgaotto7801]

@@Lazzil sure they’re in the minority. But can’t generalize the statement like that and ignore minorities. And celebrities are viewers too.

[@IamnotfromUSA]

I found a way to stop adiction completly I just hold breath and stop breathing every time I have the thought about the adiction.

[@kandaimai9944]

@@helgaotto7801 of course you can, the very nature of minority celebrities means they're more ignorable, hence not as helpful for the general population. nothing wrong with that statement.

[@carsonwestlake3478]

Hyped that viewer interviews are back

[@calebquimby]

Same Dude! Wonder how he got selected.

[@blakestiteler]

I agree!

[@nicoler148]

Please, please never stop doing viewer interviews. They have so much value, so happy to hear there will be multiple this week!

[@oeckstei]

The guy hit the nail on the head, he was told a job, money and achievement would lead to happiness, but these are tools and not intended to be the end all be all. He wasn’t raised well by his parents to learn how to develop relationships with others and himself.

[@xshadowscreamx]

I bet the parents naturally has those skills and just assumed their kid will also have it.

[@ThatGmoney]

@@xshadowscreamxhow did you come up with that answer?

[@xshadowscreamx]

@@ThatGmoney personal experience

[@EggEnjoyer]

@@xshadowscreamxThat’s how it’s supposed to work 9/10 times. These aren’t skills that are directly taught but instead the child mirrors the parent. And when there is dysfunction, the parent typically had the same dysfunction.

[@xshadowscreamx]

@@EggEnjoyer personality wise growing up I was not the mirror of my parents. Dad is still is extraverted, mum is ambivert, she was very outgoing when she was young. They got their car licence and left their homes and became independent as soon as they could, And they were not even pushed to do it. Idk why it’s been such a slow massive task for me to follow. Maybe I needed more extraverted friends to be competitive with, to keep up with.

[@RocknJazzer]

His name Locrian is quite suitable, it's the name of a musical scale that is very confusing and unresolved

[@53cconadailee46]

Yeah, except his name is Locorian.

[@Max_McGamer]

@@53cconadailee46 they misspelled it on the stream lol, his YT name is Locrian

[@specialmeat]

I certainly noticed a tritone between his 1 and his 5

[@vertxsecretstash]

was looking for this comment lmaooo

[@AlexJ1]

Dude reminds me of me 10 years ago. He has NO idea how detached from his feelings he truly is. He struggles to identify a single emotion. Which is why he can tell Dr K "that's wrong" but can't point to what's right. The feelings are all there. They aren't allowed to surface so they instead take machetes to your insides. Hence the physical symptoms. Dude has a long-but-worthwhile journey ahead of him.

[@mikeyC79]

Spot on. I can see myself in him so much. Like I had no idea i was even supposed to feel emotions as a tangible experience. I genuinely feel bad for him bc he's lived his whole life probably disconnected from his emotions😕

[@sannetran7019]

It's great that you managed to recover from 10 years ago. Were there specific things that helped you? Seeing Locrian reminds me of a family member who has been struggling for a long time. The flatness, inability to recognize their emotions... it breaks my hesrt to know he is suffering so much, too.

[@AlexJ1]

@@sannetran7019 Honestly I got out of a 4 year relationship with a partner that wanted me to be pleasant or be quiet. And I got into a relationship with someone who genuinely wanted to know what I was thinking and feeling, even if it was uncomfortable for her. But even with this beautiful supportive partner, actively encouraging me and patiently coaching me along, it took years. I was like a toddler. I slowly learned how to feel feelings, then I had to learn how to identify them, then how to articulate them precisely, then how to manage them. The next step is to truly integrate them. It's a process. A painful one. But infinitely better than staying numb.

[@eiwagarciabrito495]

Wow you’re so right! I feel like many men are like that where they answer all the questions logically bc they don’t know how they feel but they don’t realize it

[@whateverimake9350]

That wasn't his problem tho. Dr k said it is but he was wrong

[@ChrisGeden]

Locrian needs to be more Ionian but that will take a major change.

[@maurycykujawski6344]

lmaooo im dying

[@michaeldavidson1800]

This may have been a tiny piece of this conversation but at 2:31:22 when dr. K said that the more internalized your attention the worse you feel I felt my frontal lobe pop into place. I’ve always wondered why some days life feels content and others it feels like the world is on my shoulders and it’s because on the bad days I am focusing entirely internally. This also explains why I’m terrible at meeting new people because I’m so focused on how I’m presenting myself that I fail to actually make a genuine connection.

[@katattack907]

Such a great thing to highlight. My worst days are the ones where I get trapped in my own mental spirals. Only engaging with the outside world begins to pull me out.

[@JuliBom]

This speaks to me on so many levels

[@xQTx]

Well said bro 😊 I will think about that next time i do this misstake 🎉

[@YukalayleeGames]

MORE VIEWER INTERVIEWS these are always so relatable and helpful And interesting

[@MattShubert]

This is a truly fascinating chat...obviously I'm not a medical professional and don't know shit about actual diagnosis, but what this dude seems to me is a perfectly normal (or "neurotypical" if you like) person that the current setup of society has turned into a very gray-area, apathetic, stuck-in-neutral, dismissive/avoidant guy. It's like a case study in what an always online, yet simultaneously disconnected, world can do to people. I see so much of myself in this guy, especially before I met my wife. this kind of content is the absolute best of this channel, hope it becomes a mainstay again

[@crazynights14-nk4rg]

I have ASD level 1 and I identified with a lot of what was said in the interview. The key difference in NT vs ND is how they process information, the deepness of that and also with the rigid thinking patterns. The non genuine smile resonates a lot since I think ASD folks don't do social cues just to please or conform. They don't make sense since the "rule" you might follow is to smile if you mean it. You don't need that kind of validation so you don't give it naturally, you have to consciously make a lot of social decisions that don't come naturally and will not feel genuine.

[@toompie69]

Viewer interview starts at 12:25

[@KingdomHeartsFan91]

I appreciate you!

[@insertoyouroemail]

Omg thank you

[@vacances-en-famille]

Merci

[@DiegeticDogma]

An interesting comment. You can't watch the first 12 minutes in a 3 hour long video? 😂 Is it really gonna make or break your experience? I will say this tho: you missed out

[@VioletEmerald]

​@DiegeticDogma well the first 5 min are literally nothing but music and silent visual advertisements... so maybe people thought that's all that was skipped. But also we don't need to hear the disclaimer again and the basic HealthyGamerGG updates if we're here for the interview.

[@anxav]

*Intro & Announcements:* - *Disclaimer & Stream Intro:* 00:04:46 - *Recent Activities & Upcoming Deep Dives:* 00:05:15 - *Funny Video & Discussion:* 00:07:12 *Viewer Interview - Locorian:* - *Introduction & Initial Symptoms:* 00:12:26 - *Breakup & Guilt:* 00:14:04 - *Life After Breakup & College Experience:* 00:29:59 - *Big Tech Job & Move to Big City:* 00:30:56 - *Difficulty Making Friends & Social Rejection:* 00:33:38 - *Therapy Experience & Goals:* 01:02:21 - *Dating Experiences & Situationships:* 01:07:34 - *Dr. K's Observations & Emotional Blind Spots:* 01:25:38 - *Family Dynamics & Upbringing:* 01:41:17 - *Physical Symptoms & Medical History:* 01:47:33 - *Shrooms Experience & Emotional Catharsis:* 01:51:47 - *Smiling & Emotional Expression:* 01:57:03 - *Internal Conflicts & Emotional Variability:* 02:30:55 - *Medication & Sleep Issues:* 02:34:23 - *Takeaways & Closing Thoughts:* 02:40:05 *Dr. K's Post-Interview Discussion:* - *Emotional Suppression & Its Effects:* 02:48:23 - *Importance of Emotional Management & Therapy:* 02:49:53 - *Finding the Right Therapist & Fit:* 02:50:43 - *Outro & Announcements:* 02:51:18

[@doriont.552]

Lifesaver 🙏

[@Nickbronline]

Thank you for the high-quality breakdown.

[@DenaturedProtein]

This guy just saved us 3 hrs with his timestamps. A mere 'thanks' doesn't convey the amount of gratitude I have for this guy posting timestamps.

[@vickileekx]

thank you! ❤

[@Miah_Lake]

Thank you! Thank you!

[@N22883]

Thanks for coming on Locorian! AOE healing is so back babey It never left, but viewer interviews always have so much to offer Super appreciative of him sharing his experience

[@rasn]

Guy seems really cool. I wish him the best and hopefully he can feel more fulfilled in the future. Rooting for him!

[@spliter88]

It's interesting to me that in all of these interviews the things that ultimately cause the problems of that person's life are so personal, and yet the problems that person is experiencing are so universal. I've heard so many of these guys go "I'm a loner, detached, having hard time connecting with other people, I'm a shut-in wasting my life not living it, having trouble dating etc" and during the interview the source of these same symptoms seems to always be something different.

[@GingerSnapps07]

I've only been to two different therapists in my life. About to go see another. No one has actually listened and paid attention to the words and conflict like Dr. K does in his interviews. We need more people like him in the profession. Please keep up these videos, inspirational to watch and kudos to Locarian. Coming on stream and baring yourself open has to have been hard. Thank you for sharing.

[@nnadi118]

Damn. I can relate so much to the problem of being scared to 'send stuff out there'. In my case I have difficulty expressing myself authentically in fear of being ridiculed, feeling stupid or dumb doing so. I feel constrained, and social interaction can be draining. Kudos to you for coming on stream and being vulnerable. It's helpful to so many people.

[@SoulxWeaver]

Nice to see viewer interviews again Those were my favorite back in the day And over the years I’ve thought a lot about what I would talk about if I got the opportunity to be that viewer

[@Vextrove]

What would you talk about?

[@TDog-gr1lc]

I assume it can be daunting but really appreciate Locorian coming on to the stream

[@flexprog3374]

Being able to smile when your day is shit is a lot about feeling what the person in front of you feels. If they are really happy about something, you can't be happy yourself to react to them but you can be touched by their joy in the moment. You can find their joke not very funny but still feel the joy they feel because they love telling that joke and that is what will make you smile.

[@oeckstei]

Seems like this is a lot of men today, the feeling of uncertainty on what to pursue and how to act for fear of being judged, rejected etc… Men’d mental health isn’t really talked about, men in general face less sympathy from society compared to women etc…. The link between parenting and adult behavior later in life is so important and we are just all becoming more aware of this.

[@v9b23j]

Emotional attunement between parents/caregivers and children are essential for children to know they have a secure base so they can explore the world with confidence.

[@bow_wow_wow]

I'm so gratified to know that videos like this are an important stepping stone to fixing the problems you're describing, which I agree are very real. Let us never yield to silence ever again.

[@v9b23j]

Thanks, locorian, for being vulnerable and sharing your experiences with us. Dr. K, I'm grateful for your genuine curiosity and approach of leaning in and holding space for locorian during the conversation. I loved that your careful checking in and thoughtful questioning ensured that you weren't pushing him too much. I empathize with Locorian's feelings about his parents not being interested in his inner world. It seems like growing up with proximal abandonment led him to suppress his emotions and minimize his needs as a way to cope with the fear of being met with indifference. It was heartening to see glimpses of his smile, especially when interacting with the Twitch chat and towards the end of their conversation.

[@spennypayne]

Happy to see an interview! I feel like interviews are some of the most valuable tools on the channel.

[@JLJConglomeration]

I actually really enjoyed/related to this one, good to see the other side of interviews where there isn't some grand obvious issue but many smaller/fundamental things possibly compounding into larger problems

[@precariouslybased]

Thank you Iocorian for sharing!

[@FLock366]

This was a wonderful interview. I felt as though Dr.K was having a conversation with me personally as I go through a lot of the same issues that Locorian is going through. I should definitely explore these feelings further and try to work at these issues.

[@victor_734]

I’m so happy the viewer interviews are back, probably the best content on this channel. This one was also particularly interesting and enjoyable to watch

[@salzkraut8176]

I think dr. k underestimates how much aoe hots these viewer interview streams can produce. Its just so much more tangible

[@ElCiscoTV]

I relate with this on so many levels, not as intense in some regards but definitely emotionallly afraid to share emotion with people, being able to change the headapace seems really important to understand

[@camilla_films_stuff]

wish i could give this more likes, viewer interviews are so valuable. thank you, locorian!

[@Vextrove]

I'm in the same situation. Dr. K: "It's this thing and it's this thing and it's this thing. If it was only one thing, you would have figured it out." Hearing this gave me hope and determination to keep going, improving different things little by little.

[@victor_734]

Yes, taking small steps is the way to do it

[@Bassynater2500]

Viewer Interview? We are *SO* back 😭💕 This was definitely the format that had me binging Healthy GG

[@TheMadde89]

I'm so excited and happy the interviews are back and happen more often 🥰 This is so healing and gives me hope back for mental health support again. Watching this is such a beautiful part of my days again 🥰

[@DivineLogos]

Iran went through a violent chaotic revolution in '79 followed up by 8 years of war with Iraq. His parents, like mine, are more likely to have been through stuff.

[@toomuchinformation]

Generational trauma.

[@leong178]

Love seeing viewer interviews back! Hope there will be more❤

[@Cindy-ee5ou]

Oh my, I have to thank this guy. I took so much for granted - yesterday I went to work and tons of people stopped what they were doing and said hi to me.

[@flexprog3374]

This is a very special interview and I'm glad that it happened, thank you Dr K and Locorian. The topics tackled here were more complex than usual and not easy to work through and that is exactly why it helped me so much. I feel like Locorian needed a complex answer because telling him he's just avoidant, alexithymic or autistic is not enough, it's just too simple of a label/explanation for someone who has already thought a lot and with a lot of nuances. As a person who struggled with alexithymia in the past, I know I did understand what my problem was in an abstract sense and I'm pretty sure Locorian is also introspective enough to know his inner workings from the outside. So, what is blocking him if he understands everything Dr K is saying ? Why does know how sad he is, yet doesn't understand why, and doesn't really accept it ? I thought that learning that I was alexithymic was the key for me to be able to start understanding and exploring my own emotions, because as soon as I knew, I could just start openly feeling and exploring and I would find out. For the most part, it does work, but the truth is, this is only the first step. It only makes you able to observe and feel them, but not always accept them. In a way, being alexithymic makes you afraid of a lot of your own emotions, because you don't understand them, and even if later you learn to feel, these old fears and rejections of some emotions remain in the background without you knowing. What I realized today is that even though now I am so much better at feeling in the moment, there is still some stuff that my brain blocks instinctively even before I can start to grasp it. I'm good at feeling joy, anger, fear, love, and sometimes sadness, spontaneously. But I'm really bad at feeling disappointed, regretful and guilty, because instinctively these emotions were always repressed and seen as "useless" by my brain. But I can't just make them go away, I have to accept that I feel that way too, even if it feels profoundly useless or even destructive. As I am writing this, a lot comes back to me and I understand the feeling of deep sadness but also of catharsis that Locorian describes. For me it is not the sadness of being alone, but the disappointments and guilt that I had in the past that come back to me, because I shrugged them off to move on, too many times. But it feels good, feels like mourning, like an old wound finally closing.

[@jimdelsol1941]

Very helpful, thank you !

[@Annonymight]

I'm glad I watched this all the way through because I saw so much of myself several outpatient treatments ago. I just realized last year after my second round of outpatient treatment at 34 that I had no idea what I felt, I'd call it anxiety or depressed. I also had no idea that I could feel multiple things at once. Part of eliviating suffering was naming what I feel. So far so good.

[@evan12697]

i feel so called out by this. I had the same exact thing happen - got my first relationship at 25 and it became "well i can't let this die" then overtime i just lost feelings and she became super exhausting from her insecurity (the main one i always heard was that im going to leave her for a white girl - im white and she was indian) and like look man i tried and i dont want anything bad for her but it still kind of eats at me no matter how annoying and exhausting she got towards the end of it? That was back in November, and breaking it off idk *during* i didnt feel anything but was pretty dissasociated but leading up it was like getting ready to put down a cat and then after i took a long time to stop feeling constantly guilty over it "how could i do that to her, she actually loved me, i'll never have that again, why didnt you try to talk it over and work through it, maybe she could've been what you needed" etc but it just wasnt it.

[@mschellylove3588]

I love interviews like this. I can relate to this guy. I understand where he was coming from. I commend him on his bravery to come on stream. I love you Dr. K you were amazing

[@lukyril]

listened all the way, very interesting, learned a lot

[@zoray5143]

I think it’s really important that we talk more about emotional suppression and conflicted emotions. When we’re like that, it takes effort to just feel and connect with others. “Emotional gravity” as he describes it kinda identifies it very well. Time stamping 2:06:00 bc it’s relevant.

[@corbyrobinson3640]

I am currently at 25:45... Man it feels like this guy is trying so hard to be vague that he isn't sure about anything going on in his life, and it feels exhausting trying to puzzle his response to actually mean something.

[@toomuchinformation]

He does seem to go around the houses, but some of it must be due to being on camera. Hats off to him, I couldn't do that knowing that thousands of people will see this.

[@bow_wow_wow]

Try to be patient. It can be very hard to figure out what you need to say. For some of us, the challenge is to know what's even going on in the first place.

[@Hexanitrobenzene]

It gets better along the way, as Dr. K figures more of his problems. It even gets funny in a few places :)

[@MightyElemental]

Talking about such personal things in public to help other people is very brave.

[@Iwly99]

Awesome to see viewer interviews are back :)

[@DingusMcBrungus]

I bet this dude would be really fun to talk and play music with, between the Locrian name choice and the unresolved progression metaphor and the guitar in the back and a STEM brain for theory

[@daniloxz1]

I would wish that they could got more in deep, with “attachment theory “ and the “guilt” part. I think those two point really hit home for me

[@katattack907]

A genuine smile always makes someone look better. Always! It made me so happy to see Locrian crack a real smile. Thanks for coming on and sharing your interview with us, man! Wishing you all the best.

[@someheadpats]

Out of all your interviews I've never related to one as much as this one Can relate so much with the friend part that feeling of being fine ish 29 days out of 30 and then you like snap that 1 day then back to square 1

[@RipPhillips]

Glad these are back great conversation!

[@sterlingbirks9101]

Man, this interview really got emotions out of me, and it kinda got me numb, anyways I was able to observe why and I feel like I get myself a little more, def going to check out the trauma module. Anyways I hope more of these get made again, but also I really like the more specific content too so I don't know.

[@Micoolman]

Love more viewer interviews, very relatable to my life

[@cosmicpowa]

Thank you so much for this. Thank you!

[@senzenxen]

This interviews are godly , keep it up dr K ♥️

[@brandonconner3857]

“Ice is brittle” rolled straight off the tongue. This one really helped me

[@nowie4007]

This interview was a perfect case of emotional neglect of him growing up

[@VioletEmerald]

Indeed. It's so textbook. I wish it was easier to heal from that.

[@wallace245ful]

Good work Living near silicon valley all the guys are like him

[@aidenless3479]

I really relate to this guy's story, and I have a question of my own: How do I warm up/become more free in expressing my emotions with other people so that I can get the social emotional connection that I'm missing?

[@mincedtofu]

Look out “How to heal dismissive avoidant attachment style”. Thais Gibson from the Personal Development School, or Alexis Friedlander are great, sound, professional references.

[@ballisticsquid]

Love this. Got so much in common with the interviewee. Surprised me

[@beginnersguide4556]

Great Job in making him Laugh.❤

[@Vextrove]

Yeah I enjoyed seeing him laugh

[@kenwhy7700]

Damn this one really resonated with me Especially the part about having problems with self-expression which makes people to feel like I left them hanging

[@nmthanita]

Damn Dr. K's questions hit hard, and are on point! :D

[@wrenchguy2937]

Love the viewers interviews rather than the main stream /celebrities ones. Just more relatable and more genuine.

[@yurisei6732]

Maybe my eyes are weird but I was surprised by this guy, he looks like he'd be way more confident than he sounds. If he's got any uncertainty about his appearance, I don't think he needs to. He looks pretty cool, he's even got the guitar for it.

[@hiro_444]

Chat is this real or 🧢?

[@Bestialxlust]

I agree with you, but if he doesn’t believe that inside of himself it doesn’t matter.

[@ShazyShaze]

I feel like physical appearance has almost nothing to do with how easy it is to date. At least compared to personality, social situation, etc

[@yurisei6732]

@@ShazyShaze It has impact, but this interview isn't actually about dating.

[@Jazzmaster1992]

@@ShazyShaze Pretty much. Being secure in yourself, and willing to make yourself vulnerable to rejection in order to seek fulfilling relationships is the key, along with knowing how to socialize. But sadly, far too many people are either not raised on how to do this, or they have bad experiences which cause them to withdraw and no longer trust others.

[@Alexlinnk]

I enjoy listening to him 👍

[@LyricPluto]

Lets goo viewer interviews are back!

[@ZackxOmar]

Been craving these!

[@_jajajaja_]

This dude's smile is totally normal and fine. Made me happy to see it at the end

[@Appleloucious]

I would love to know how many ppl are also trying to consume all of your content! I am so grateful!

[@user-wv1cz7un7q]

This video was amazing!

[@Malusifer]

Dr. Ks observations that Locorians responses were all "neutral" was spot on. He said he didn't know why but I hope that was just him avoiding giving medical advice. That is exactly what happened to me on SSRIs and why I caution most people against taking them. Sure I wasn't as sad but that was because they just took away all affect good and bad.

[@VioletEmerald]

Yeah SSRIs do this to people too.

[@bow_wow_wow]

Such a good point about SSRI's.

[@etcwhatever]

Hum i was on SSRIs for 15 years. And last one was also Lexapro. Im proud of myself for weaning myself out of the stuff. I tought the vague answers could be related to his ADHD...i could tell he was neurodivergent a few mins into the interview. Im autistic 1 ("aspergers" in the old terminology). SSRIs slightly improved my sadness but completely removed my happiness....

[@mschellylove3588]

Dr. K asked him to give us a smile and he said No. Outside person looking in, why not? That was deep. Dr K is good at what he does👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@Hoffmannempire0]

I resonated so much with this guy except mabey in dating. But I resonate so much with this interview.

[@JuliusCaesar103]

12:20 interview starts

[@NoizeTank]

2:16:04 This part resonated with me with how self-conscious I used to be about my teeth. I used to think people looked at my teeth when I was smiling and they would stop smiling because they weren’t perfectly straight. Now I realize it was probably more along what Dr K describes here. I probably started that negative feedback loop on myself

[@shogun259]

Best part of the interview for me

[@cblank777]

This video was AWESOME!

[@kennethb4990]

I missed these 1 on 1 viewer interviews

[@Jelle-DV]

Awesome tip! 2:40:42

[@XxdrknglxX]

Very deep fear of rejection keeps your emotions held back because you have been taught and or decided to learn that emotions are weakness and so while you're trying to keep a "persona" you are rejecting everybody from seeing who you are. Be yourself and most of all your problems will solve. Think of it like people who reject you and or don't like you filter themselves, in the sense that you don't want to be with somebody who doesn't want with you, but if you are not "you" then what are they actually rejecting?. GOod luck buddy.

[@SirDifferential]

Glad to have viewer interviews instead of big youtuber/streamer interviews. I'm not sure if it's possible within the "no diagnosis" clause of the streams, but it would be interesting to have a second video where you analyze what you discovered and what's likely happening in the brain, after thinking about it overnight.

[@antonifortis1084]

Im learning just because someone wants good things, it doesn't make them a great person. Not that this guy is a bad one, not at all. Just wants to put in the minimal effort required for the best of what human connection can give him, which isn't great.

[@lilymulligan8180]

Yeah, I picked up on that too. I was a bit triggered by what he had to say about his "situationships" because I've been on the receiving end of a guy like that... It made me feel extremely used. I tried to explain to my ex the same thing I would explain to this guy: you have to BE a good friend if you want to HAVE good friends. Which means effort, discomfort, and more than the bare minimum. If he's not willing to do those things, then he needs to accept his current social life.

[@antonifortis1084]

@@lilymulligan8180 I wouldn't say that for his sexual relationships, more in his friendships. He's pretty clear with his "situationships" and I think it's more his partners not willing to accept the relationship between him and themselves for what it is

[@lilymulligan8180]

​@@antonifortis1084 I mean, without speaking to those women for their perspectives, we'll never know how clear he was about his intentions, or how clear they were about their intentions. He says he was clear, but we can't verify that. It's also entirely possible that these women *tried* to be okay with what he was able to provide them in terms of commitment and reciprocity - and it is ultimately on them to know and communicate their needs & boundaries. It's a 2-way street, for sure. I fully own that I'm bringing my own baggage to that part of the interview, and I'm really trying to be empathetic... But I'm just seeing a lot of parallels between this guy and my ex. He wasted almost 5 years of my life because, like this guy, he was happy to use me for validation and sex, but he just wasn't that into me enough to commit... So he strung me along with promises he had no intention of keeping. It sounds like our interviewee here didn't waste that much of his partners' time, but I would argue that he did still waste SOME of their time by being with them despite not really liking them. I just think it's a really shitty thing to do to another person, whether he was direct about it with his partners at the time or not. It kinda rattled me that he was so self-aware and frank about it too. He seemed to be pretty baffled about why these women didn't like being used like that... I'm not picking up any acknowledgement that women are full humans, not objects that exist to provide validation, companionship, and sex. But again.... I fully own that my own pain of being on the other side of a relationship like that is coloring how I heard that part of the interview. Ultimately, I agree with you that it seems like he wants to put in the bare minimum into his relationships, while still enjoying the full benefits of emotional support, validation, etc.

[@UL1999]

​@@lilymulligan8180And how can I do it? I am always afraid that others find me annoying, creepy, wierd, etc. when I try to do more such as talking or initiating a conversation/meeting.

[@NetHeart-uk2vs]

I thought I was the only one who noticed

[@Brad14397]

Viewer interviewers > Streamer interviews I can relate much better to viewers. The streamers are uninteresting and I don’t game.

[@ambar8709]

Making girl friends sucks for me. I only feel comfortable with the compromise and reciprocity that men give me when I involve in a romantic relationship. I feel cared for, we make plans together, we keep in touch. Otherwise, people don’t make any efforts to mantain the relationship. Men tend to share more stuff with me and it makes it more natural and easy to connect. I find that women don’t talk to me that much (at all) nor they share any interests.

[@mario125ww]

Are you a guy? Because I have noticed something smiliar as well

[@belivuk2526]

That's because women mostly socially compete with eachother and men mostly work together. Men also respect different traits than women

[@hellequinm]

Are you in the spectrum? I am, and had the same experience, but not because of other women, it was me all the time. I don't process feelings like they do, I just didn't like to talk about relationship with women. Their view on relationship always seemed alien to me. But I had good connection with women and they seem to trust me. They just treat me like a boy, after my diagnosis it all clicked.

[@CZTachyonsVN]

That is interesting because, I have always found making friends with women much easier than with men. Speaking as a straight cis guy.

[@eeeertoo2597]

​@@belivuk2526Its the exact opposite lmao but keep waffling

[@v9b23j]

People are on dating apps for a myriad of reasons. When I found out my ex was on Tinder behind my back, his response was, "I was bored and things were'nt going well between us". He was using it to regulate his emotions (and to seek narcissistic supply). Others use them because they are looking for a meaningful connection, seeking validation, wanting to escape loneliness, etc. The truth is, some people don't have the skills to have a secure relationship. And if someone has a pattern of train-wrecked relationships, this person is the common denominator in all his/her relationships.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

When he said he was bored and things weren't going well between you. What do you think he meant?

[@v9b23j]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 I think what he meant was “I was frustrated and angry because you weren’t meeting my needs and I lacked meaning and purpose in life. I wanted to feel better so I went to look for someone else who could give me that good feeling”.

[@v9b23j]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 I think what he meant was “I was frustrated and angry because you weren’t fulfilling my needs and I lacked meaning and purpose in life. I wanted to feel better so I went to look for someone who could give me an elated feeling”.

[@v9b23j]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 I think what he meant was “I was frustrated and angry because you weren’t fulfilling my needs and I lacked meaning and purpose in life. I wanted to feel better so I went to look for someone else who could make me feel elated”.

[@v9b23j]

I think what he meant was “I was frustrated and angry because you weren’t fulfilling my needs and I lacked meaning and purpose in life. I wanted to feel better so I went to look for someone else who could make me feel elated”.

[@gavinpatmore5548]

Absolutely bless this man for baring his soul to an audience like this. The balls on this guy!

[@wyvernx666]

Chadded stuff but he's got his blinders on

[@RealCousinOkri]

I started wearing a rubber band on my wrist to remind myself to smile. This live hit too close to home.

[@pedrolaguna6584]

I REALLY missed this!

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

At 1:11:00. This is the exact situation in the film “500 Days of Summer”, except it’s the guy who is confused about where he stands.

[@mincedtofu]

He’s a dismissive avoidant. As simple as that. That’s why he doesn’t like to be rejected socially, closes off when someone needs reassurance, focuses on his career, likes people who are extroverts, has a hard time expressing his emotions as he is not fully aware of them, does indirect messaging where he is sure people have to know what he is thinking instead of expressing it and also interprets what people are thinking instead of asking, wants connection, but rejects it, defines the family connection as a relation of “no stress”, he had friends, but felt a separation from them, black and white thinking: it’s ok or it’s awful, the use of comfort creatures: playing games, doesn’t want to commit, believes only he is responsible for his needs, but also is unaware he has any, etc. The list goes on and on.

[@haitiankid9456]

Any solutions

[@mincedtofu]

@@haitiankid9456 one can start by recognising the emotions they’re experiencing. The more avoidant someone is, the less emotions they are aware of, so one can start by just recognising when they’re happy, sad or angry. Next is to question what they assume others are thinking or their motives. It’s usually not that people want to manipulate them, as avoidants tend to think. Ask why someone is doing something, or what do they mean. Identify your needs for space, recognition, validation, and time alone and communicate them. Adopt effective communication to avoid indirect messaging. Say what you really want (you will have to fight against feeling vulnerable by expressing a want from someone or a need). Resolving conflict creates emotional intimacy, so avoidants refuse to resolve conflict. This only makes things worst. Learn to deal with this instead of trying to live “stress-free” as this will only put emotions under the rug, that will later resurface. You can find more information in the book “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Hope this helps! 🙏

[@johannaa2549]

100% what I was thinking while listening to this session

[@mincedtofu]

One can start by recognising the emotions they’re experiencing. The more avoidant someone is, the less emotions they are aware of, so one can start by just recognising when they’re happy, sad or angry. Next is to question what they assume others are thinking or their motives. It’s usually not that people want to manipulate them, as avoidants tend to think. Ask why someone is doing something, or what do they mean. Identify your needs for space, recognition, validation, and time alone and communicate them. Adopt effective communication to avoid indirect messaging. Say what you really want (you will have to fight against feeling vulnerable by expressing a want from someone or a need). Resolving conflict creates emotional intimacy, so avoidants refuse to resolve conflict. This only makes things worst. Learn to deal with this instead of trying to live “stress-free” as this will only put emotions under the rug, that will later resurface. You can find more information in the book “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Hope this helps!

[@mincedtofu]

@@johannaa2549 I would even dare to say some of his illnesses relate to his inability to express emotions (alexithymia).

[@frishter]

The point on suppressing emotions using up willpower makes me wonder if that could be a great deal why I seem to have little spare. It also makes me question on what a healthy way of expressing emotions us. People don't like anger, they look down or take pity if you're upset, dumping your emotions is compared to having farts build up in a room.

[@toomuchinformation]

It's about being in control. You can be "angry" and be in control. The dumping you're talking about is unsettling to others because they sense the lack of control and orchestration. So your typical Sergeant - Major might appear to be angry, but it's orchestrated, controlled and done for a specific purpose.

[@frishter]

@@toomuchinformation I feel like I have a pretty good control on my emotions and am more intentionally of what to express, just that I don't choose to express much.

[@toomuchinformation]

@@frishter Ok. But the first sentence of your first sentence seems to contradict this, but hey that's cool.

[@YellowSpaceMarine]

Are you still doing viewer interviews? I couldn't find any. I am really missing these.

[@1316Salva]

I think they stopped for a while and this is the first recent one

[@jkleins2869]

this is the first one in a minute bc he has been on a press tour for his new book the past few months

[@AznDudeIsOn]

i gotta work on that spontaneity too instead of always the effortful calculation of how to respond

[@franklinr498]

This guy is so relatable

[@The_Reductionist]

How do you apply for a viewer interview

[@ricardofabilareyes]

We are so back baby!

[@zachlester6112]

God i missed viewer interviews so much

[@kirestus]

Not sure if locrian is going to see this but i had similar symptoms, (brain fog, exema migraine etc,) for me it was sleep and diet related, a big factor was cutting out caffeine in the evening, i wasn't sleepign well so i would lean on caffeine and even when i was asleep it would fuck with my sleep. (get blackout curtains a noise machine and make sure your room is cool, no coffee after lunch)

[@Locrian]

What other factors in your diet besides caffeine? For me sleep is definitely a big thing, which is why alcohol ruins my mental health for almost a week

[@kirestus]

@@Locrian dairy is the big one

[@cristianaraujo9293]

Hey drK can you interview DBDR? An incel storytime channel, it would be great content

[@Ello927]

A very wholesome end lolll