Dealing with a Cheating Partner & Finding Love on Grindr. Answering Your Questions | S4 E9

[@jimtrue1465]

Keep the books, Joel. You'll appreciate it years from now. I'm 72 years old, and I find most books published today are not very well written (I believe that's an age thing, not a real commentary on modern books). But now I'm going back and rereading books I first read 40 to 50 years ago, and am loving them all over again.

[@PhilipWeisman-dl4ik]

@jimtrue1465 when books were published in the past, the publishing house had pro-active literary agents working with the authors and staff editors and proof readers to check the manuscripts and proof sheets. That is not always the case, and sometimes they are available, at a cost to the reluctant author. Also, there is a dependency on computer generated editorial programs and AI that create more problems than they solve.

[@SheilaVinson-r9o]

I reread books I have lovingly kept. Like a conversation with an old friend! 😊

[@gregf9160]

Moustache _really does_ suit him!

[@tommytom2551]

Yeah. Looks like a 80s p0rnstar

[@craiger2399]

I really enjoyed this. Your content really is helpful and useful. It's great to watch two people who can disagree and love each other at the same time.

[@Greggviking1]

LOVE LOVE LOVE the mustache!!

[@justgreta1796]

I really enjoyed this episode. I would like it if you incorporated more episodes like this in your series next year. Keep up the great work. You are appreciated.

[@BobbyWitcher]

Love the chat and great commentary on these tough issues.

[@donaldskinner-reid8998]

Good advice on how to assess where you are with a new person. I remember saying that I thought we could have a loving relationship. I was lucky with the reply. With an addict, you can do nothing until the addict decides to change so if you want to waste years, stay. If you dont, leave.

[@geraldcoley1664]

Rarely do I comment on things so bear with me. The core problem in those relationships are the co-dependency element of either one or more of the partners. This may extend to the difficulty of absorbing change in environments. Regardless of whether the relationship is legally bound or not it still resembles the conclusion of any relationship situation that varies from the original profile which brought the two together and not recognizing their collective and individual albeit natural evolution as life goes on. It’s more difficult for some to exit relationships and essentially start over than to deny their discomfort and stay in it. Love is not the glue that holds relationships together, it’s shared desires, interests and concerns as well as shared goals (with room for individual growth and goals to be accomplished). Honeymoons only last a short while and then the work of developing a long term lasting relationship begins (if there is enough foundation to begin with and which can’t be based on solely in love). Both examples show that neither was developing towards such but attempting to continue the honeymoon. Not the path to long term happiness.

[@Matt_H2O]

He's channeling his inner Magnum P.I. but we're seeing Ron Burgundy.

[@ruthjones-hernandez7307]

I see Ron Jeremy.

[@BigWonderlust]

Joel is a book dragon, keeps all the books in the castle.

[@SABOREAME68]

⭐⭐⭐⭐ Good subject guys. Keegan the mustache looks great on you. Having said that, Joel you're perspective on the relation on hand, it's spot on. Keep up the good work guys...Abrazos

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Oh Keegan and his moustache omg it’s fabulous 👏🏽 P.S. I was definitely getting Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds.

[@christopheroliver7589]

30 seconds before you mentioned Richard from Friends; I thought to myself "Keegan kind of resembles Tom Selleck." I think you look debenaire with your mustache. There, you have my 2 cents. Keep up the great work you're doing, Joel and Keegan!

[@calvind2054]

I would not leave someone right away after finding it about addiction. I first would check to see how serious is he about getting clean. Everyone deserves the opportunity to prove themselves in this situation and with caution, of course. Walking away straight off after finding out would be a dick move. Let’s first see if he can e committed to getting clean. That while also understanding relapse is part of getting clean in most cases. Expecting red roses from day one to eternity is not a reality about addiction. I would stand by him, but he has to do the work alone. If he wavers from that too far or too often without apology of his damage, then I have to maybe bail. If that was a best friend, I wouldn’t abandon him. If we are in a relationship, then he too is a best friend and will get the exact same treatment.

[@paulwarner5674]

My thing was my cheater boyfriend ended up giving me STDs 4 times.., crabs twice, scabies, hep. Even though he promised he wouldn't cheat again time and time again. Loved him to bits but couldn't put up with it after 7 years. Two years after we broke up he became HIV positive. One big bullet dodged. Now been in a monogamous relationship with my husband for 27 years.❤

[@Transfromjapan]

Great episode ❤

[@rogersmith4426]

The problem with the guy that cheated is, even after he was called out he wasn't fully honest or particularly sorry. He need to do everything he can to fix the situation anything less just isn't enough really. Sorry about your situation though x

[@geraldcoley1664]

@@rogersmith4426 There isn’t enough between them which is why he expanded himself to experience other things. He does need to be more honest but should not feel compelled to stay in the relationship if the substance is limited and unsubstantiated. He needs to assist with his other with moving on.

[@orielwiggins2225]

Keegan, you nailed the Burt Reynolds look. 😅 I get both sides of the book thing. Joel keep your books and create the library you want with your small holding of animals. Love this episode of quandries and queries. Good thoughtful advice, and I hope they do write back in with updates.

[@m.deverdi2800]

This is one of the best episodes yet. I wish you two were alive when I was going through hell back in the 70s. Keep up the great work. BTW, Keegan's moustache is very sexy, and, Joel's physique is getting hotter and hotter. To top it all off, you genuinely love each other.. God bless you both.

[@richardnault9493]

Thank you guys, good advice!

[@johnodonnell6644]

Great episode, loving the Freddie tash

[@kev2020]

We used to refer to it as a "justache". No beard, no goatee, no soul patch. #1 There is no rush until you or the other person questions where you arenor where you're going. There is nothing wrong with someone being caught off guard with an interrogation on the first date. I'd argue that finding out if you both have chemistry is equally as important. #2 Poor guy. Find out whatever you "need" to for closure but be prepared for silence, deflection, or a brutal truth. Ask yourself if you can trust them if you decide to stay or ve prepared to move on. Healing and going on without that baggage affecting a new relationship is hard. Note- what were the other toys? It is recommended to use condoms with inserted toys. He could be taking "action" pics for the Grindr contacts which is still terrible.

[@paulwarner5674]

The tache is so 🔥

[@BigWonderlust]

Keegan looks good with that mustache; he makes him look younger.

[@LiamStafford-p3f]

I reread books i love all the time. some were acquired 20 + years ago.

[@brianbelmont4100]

Love it ❤

[@praveenhoro8198]

(Infidelity case) Even if the man hasn't done anything physical with anyone. Just going out and asking people for role plat and making a Grindr account, that tells about your intent. I am not staying in that relationship. That is over for me right there and then. Cause it will jack up my mind. I can't be living with this constant fear of whenever he's out, who's he out with? Or if we're out together, who he is check out? If he went to the loo, is he doing something with someone there? When he is coming home? Give me your phone. Whenever we have sex, is he satisfied? These are the same things he thought to do with other people. Or he did with other people. These thoughts would kill me. And it will jack me up for my next relationship. That’s not cool at all. So, absolutely I'm out.

[@pppexplorer]

Regarding the email about cannabis addiction, I think 'Steve' should require that his partner seek professional help for the addiction as a condition for Steve to stay and support him. In modern-day relationships, it seems people are so quick to leave their partner at the slightest sign of struggle. What about the principle of "in sickness and in health", even if you are not married? If someone is being physically, verbally, or financially abusive, then I understand you would want to exit that relationship sooner rather than later, but outside of that we should be trying to work through the ebbs and flows of life together, within certain personal boundaries of course.

[@johnclarke1571]

Love the stache

[@carriageofnoreturn.1881]

I love that Keegan said that he doesn't care what people think about his 'tash, but most of the comments in here are about it!

[@SheilaVinson-r9o]

My cynical thoughts on the cheating scenario: I thought I heard their finances are joint, and the cheater is in nursing school. Unfortunately, I think the young man getting cheated on may be experiencing a break up as soon as the cheater graduates. Hopefully, he's not solely supprting the cheater through school. Again, I'm prefacing this as a cynical person who has been cheated on.

[@Ameroff1982]

I personally prefer men who are clean shaven, but your boyfriend likes your moustache, as do you yourself. And that's what matters.

[@romaneros4583]

For the second guy....RUN.

[@jeffwatkins352]

I know you don't care, Keegan, but I love the stache. As for beards, I don't have my for looks but due to laziness. Shaving every day is just a pain.

[@RobertDani]

Bloody hell that mustache is another level. ❤❤❤

[@RobertDani]

Very Tom of Finland 😂

[@bear6845]

Bloody cheek, hiding behind my beard! I'm going to have to rally the Bears!!

[@nelsondesousa9304]

Not caring about the environment is totally uncool 👎🏻

[@gs-nr4om]

Once again, yes yes yes on the mustache! No dye! (Rudy Giuliani incident) No trimming!

[@calvind2054]

Guy #2, I think you guys missed a key element. The 7 condom left from 12. He also found toys. Maybe the sex is too vanilla and he didn’t tell the partner. That might be the conversation, or does he want an open relationship, again without saying so. Either way, me it would be over. They live together. He waited until then to decide he wasn’t happy and stepped out. In which case, he wasn’t being honest, was he. If so, it over already. Move out and move on. Let him figure out his stuff on his own. He did the rest without communicating with you. Why should he?

[@geofflilley7465]

No moustache, Keegan! No more kisses from me!

[@errolwhyte1450]

Great episode. Difficult issue infidelity. PS: I didn't even notice the 'stache 'till you mentioned it. Again, great episode.

[@cybergriz]

holy shit that mustache is powerful +++

[@britt69]

I'm interested in this conversation as I was the "cheater" for years 😢 I'm ashamed but I have no way to erase the past.

[@adriancole745]

Lmao as a relatively young viewer, seeing you guys use all the gen-z/gen-alpha slang is so funny.

[@brentfisher6484]

Love your podcast. It's always fun and interesting. As to the inquiry from the fellow whose boyfriend had stepped outside their relation to have sex with others. (Did he really do that? Or was he only thinking about it? I think it's a bit unclear.) I wonder if a question that needs asking is: "If he had approached his other half before doing it lettting him know he needed to do that, what reaction might have taken place? What would that outcome been?" It's just an idea. As a recent convert to removing my beard in favor of a bushy 'stache' I heartily commend Kegan's choice to 'stache it up'. LOLs! Cheers from gloomy Calfornia Wine Country.

[@tigertigertiger3740]

I like the moustache, I think it really suits you. However, it does make you look a bit like a cliche though, I'm afraid. 🤣🤣🤣

[@dlawter151]

The mustache is very attractive.

[@yates817]

My husband & i both have facial hair.. so you know our opinion

[@tolstoy431]

Go for the STACHE MAN...❤

[@authorjdnichols]

no on the stache. Sorry, Keegan. LOL

[@kathleenchild]

Email number 2 - I would first ask myself if I want to be in a relationship with a partner that wants sex but not with you. You’re only 3 1/2 years into the relationship and trust has been broken. He isn’t respecting your relationship and he will most definitely continue to cheat in someway. You need to take control of this unhealthy relationship and as painful as it may seem -end it. Because if you don’t, there is more pain for you years down the road. You deserve better.

[@miketodd185]

I hate the stache… it makes you look older, just saying… Well, Joel… don’t ask me then what I think… Your way to good looking to sport something that makes you look a lil older…. Not being mean… just being honest… 👊🏼💯🇺🇸💙

[@keeganandjoel]

Well, you are being mean. You don’t HAVE to leave that comment, you’ve chosen to. And it’s not a kind one. Ergo, mean

[@miketodd185]

@ He ask what the viewer’s thought about it… I told the truth… then also told you that your way better looking without it… however, if you feel that it was mean, I definitely didn’t reply with the hopes to hurt your feelings. Plus, I only view this blog for you… Maybe I’ll just not watch it so I don’t respond to it, now I know it might offend you… So sorry you felt that way and good luck with your future endeavors… Peace out…

[@ericfreshcorn3590]

i'm still Looking for my Lover i'm a Bottom from Ohio

[@calvind2054]

Guy #2, I think you guys missed a key element. The 7 condom left from 12. He also found toys. Maybe the sex is too vanilla and he didn’t tell the partner. That might be the conversation, or does he want an open relationship, again without saying so. Either way, me it would be over. They live together. He waited until then to decide he wasn’t happy and stepped out. In which case, he wasn’t being honest, was he. If so, it over already. Move out and move on. Let him figure out his stuff on his own. He did the rest without communicating with you. Why should he?