Debunking Stereotypes of Only Children | Stella Forman | TEDxSaintAndrewsSchool

There are numerous stereotypes that come with being an only child; high school student Stella Forman addresses those stereotypes and elucidates how the benefits of being an only child have allowed her to thrive. She talks about how being an only child has affected her identity and personality. After always spending copious amounts of time with her parents and adults, Stella aims to share how this has resulted in a unique perspective: one that can potentially change how people look at life. Stella Forman talks about how being an only child has affected her identity and personality. After always spending copious amounts of time with her parents and adults, Stella aims to share how this has resulted in a unique perspective: one that can potentially change how you look at life. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@sweet_sab]

As an only child, I sometimes want to be alone. I choose to not go out with my friends, or spend time with my parents, because I find it very relaxing to just stay alone and watch a show, or cook, or anything. Being an only child is not a curse, it's just a fact. And I personally would not like siblings, I love being an only child.

[@XOXO2190diplodiplo]

Same here , I can completely relate, I'm an only child as well .

[@kaya.graceee]

So true! Being an only child can promote independence and maturity in ways that people who grew up with siblings will not be able to easily understand. Of course, there are exceptions to this but I don’t think that the negative exception should be viewed as the rule.

[@r27kristo21]

As an only child in her early twenties, this is so beautiful and incredibly true. Thanks so much for de-stereotyping only children, Stella.😊 Now I can't help wishing I had a younger sister like Stella🤭

[@michellebogenschutz9544]

Please check in on the only kids in your life. Some of us were left to be raised by abusive parents.

[@aft3999]

Same here! We are warriors!

[@princepuppy6707]

Same !!

[@zoeymiller2322]

Same

[@Marilunita83]

Same! I have no idea only children were seamed as spoiled or think too much of themselves as I am completely the opposite. I only had 1 parent, a narcissistic mother who made everything about her, all the sacrifices she’s done for me. It’s never ending.

[@FlowerItzel18]

In a way I had to be my own parent and learned to emotionally soothe myself, just because they can afford to raise us doesn’t mean that they know how to parent. As a single mom of an only child now, I am so thankful that I was an only child because I learned so much about myself and I am trying to be a much better parent than my parents.

[@yanangelilazarte-lupian404]

I love being alone. Alone but not lonely. Only child here 👋

[@0oohnegative]

As a mother of a 5 month old who doesn’t think I want to have more children I really appreciate this. I struggle with the idea of not “giving her a sibling”

[@jessicacolgrave4082]

My son is 6 now and I felt so much of that guilt cuz a lot of the moms in my prenatal group were on their second or third. All 3 of us have ADHD, our jobs allow the three of us to live comfortably and to put it bluntly I know that I cannot give my son the life I want to or have the life I want to if we add another child to the mix. And once I realized I have zero reason to feel guilt about that it’s been a lot easier. I also like to think of it as once my son’s old enough to bring friends over and chill on his own I’m totally fine with my home being the “hang out spot”. I’m totally fine with having extra kids hang around that I can send back to their own parents at the end of the day lol!

[@hilarythome3283]

It’s been tough for me too. I am so happy with our happy little family. Just one (living) child. The only reason I want more is because of feeling it is the “right” thing to do. However, if there were no outside influence, I would be so happy with all we already have.

[@jamesrogers4802]

It’s true , as an only Child you learn to make your own fun and moods , it’s a double edged sword though

[@sabriya7647]

100%

[@luciajoao6784]

People think children will live with their siblings for life. I am an only child married to one. Our parents are in our life’s completely. When they go? I have my family. My FAMILY IS MY HUSBAND AND KIDS NOT MY EXTENDED FAMILY

[@twintower8274]

Bless you dear. I have an only child too. Hoping she would grow up to be someone who's brave n content too with her own family

[@pete9688]

Completely correct. I remember my father telling me that when I was younger. Your spouse and kids become your immediate family.

[@nurharyani2058]

being 21 and currently struggle to overcome loneliness as an only child. Came across this video by accident and still in awe how it entirely changes my perspective on how I view my alone time.

[@twintower8274]

Had a semi autistic sister my whole life. So felt like a lonely child. You should be grate that atheist you did end like me

[@A.777-p8m]

Having siblings doesn't mean you aren't lonely. I have 2 sisters and I had a very lonely childhood. Having siblings was one of the most terrible, sad, tormenting, life numbing experiences of my life. I was the youngest and from experience, I can say that not having siblings would have been better for me. Basically, having siblings doesn't mean that you'll get good siblings. Be greatful that you were an only child. 😢

[@tammymills-owens9639]

Ive been by myself since 15, then my sister came. We have a very strained relationship, shoot her and her whole family live with our mom. My mom always treats us so differently

[@joycej9415]

I am not an only but always wanted to be. I enjoy being alone. Being an oldest child I hated having to care for and always do everything for my siblings and what they wanted. I never had anything of my own. Everything was shared and they broke things constantly. I think having siblings is way over rated. But I realize some people have really good relationships with theirs, I just didn't.

[@AmessieStephen]

I'm so proud to be an only child 🤍😊

[@riseredeos]

Her mom “that’s not safe” . Me with my kid : “get a helmet and send it”

[@karansapate6197]

Being an only child has worked great with me ❤️

[@cristinacouplestherapy3819]

Thank you this is so wonderful and amazing speech! Only children can developed even better than children with siblings if they grow up in a full family with both their parents. 👉👪👍

[@Jbaldwin-r6s]

I loved growing as an only child my parents always spent time with me unless they were at work and was at school and when the vaction time we would go to universal studios for a week in the summer and in winter we go to our holiday cabin in alaska it is so much fun 😁👍🏻

[@dominiquedoeslife]

This feels a bit more like hearing the experience of someone with autism who has been a tad bit sheltered than hearing just the perspective of an only child. Interesting speech.

[@JumbledEye]

I'm only child. My husband is not, and has a rather large family, so there are people in and out of our house all the time. Since we've been together for so long, thank goodness he knows when I need "alone time" before I even know it

[@BrianJablon]

Exact reason people judge only children. You are not independent, exactly opposite…you were the sole focus of your on a daily basis as you have said. I was one of 4 children so I had to be independent. You specifically said your parents are you main source. You have not been independent but completely dependent on your parents focus.

[@Veekmon]

solitude and solidarity are not the same, not even close

[@BrianJablon]

My kids love siblings, but also being alone.

[@natashabluewood4928]

As an only child, I feel she only shed light on the positives. My attitudes and feelings towards being an only child changes and differs as I grow older, when I was younger I did not feel very lonely, I felt I had a normal, pretty enjoyable life. I didn't really notice the negatives of being an only child. But as I've gotten older I am more aware of it and that's when I started feeling lonely because I think about the what ifs, (what if I had a sister to talk to, what if I didn't have to be writing this paragraph because my brother wasn't entertaining me lol) But im sure its just a boring season for me as a 20 year old. Being so independent and having a strong sense of self worth, I know that something will consume my time soon, and then you eventually forget you're an only child. hope that makes sense hahaha

[@KennedyStewart-ng1ns]

One time in 4th grade me and a group of 4 were doing a project and we had to make a house. We only had room for 3 bed rooms so we had to decide who was gonna share a room. Just to make this more clear I was the one only child of the group. One had four siblings and the others had 2 and 3. All of a sudden this one girl says, “YoU hAvE tO sHaRe A rOoM cAuSe YoU dOn’T hAvE tO sHaRe AnYtHiNG!!!” I wasn’t sad that I had to she just had made it like I was the problem I didn’t have any siblings. I told her that it wasn’t my problem that my parents didn’t have anymore children. When I got home I cried for hours because she was also one of my closest friends at the time.

[@chipsedits317]

This is barely like me and I'm only child

[@Someone.southafrica]

I’m also an only child but I got a different experience, my mum neglected and abused me which meant my dad took me to live with him, he was a freeloader at his parents house so I had 3 parental figures, it is difficult having youre parents relying on you for the lineage but now it’s more pressure and control I struggle to make friends so much because I wasn’t apart of conversation meaning my social skills are so limited and I get bullied for my poor social life

[@maurie7068]

This is amazing and so helpful to my current situation. Thanks for making this video.

[@troyaldrich3365]

So I am of the 22%. I had no idea. 22 is not a lot.

[@curiositypiqued6573]

Taylor swift and lily Allen 🤣

[@Northwesternforcefield28]

Same

[@karenvanessan.2000]

I'm wondering what about only child while they are kids? I have a 3 year old son and I would love to give him a sibling, I feel so guilty every day, I'm depressed because I can't give him a sibling. In my head I think he feels bored and sad because I can't play with him all the time. I don't work so I try to play with him but I can't do it more than 20 minutes without having to do something or getting bored. Can anyone give me advice or input?

[@GingerAeL]

Coming from an only child, all I have to say is just entertain whatever interest your son has, even if it’s not necessarily something you enjoy, and build a decent relationship with him. I grew up not having anyone to relay my interests to because my mother never really tried to get involved in my life so our relationship eventually grew distant. Be there for him but don’t force it. Good luck!

[@MrsGarcia84]

I have an only child. He is 10 now. I think taking him to parks to play with other children is good and you can meet other parents and taking him to the library is a great place to meet other parents and babies. I dont think most 3 year olds get bored easily. A simple game or going to a park will keep them happy..hope all goes well.

[@renealexander2703]

@karenvanessan.2000, what's wrong with your child being bored sometimes? That's life. He will live. Isn't it spoiling him if you play with him all the time or be at his beck and call? What if his sibling did not want to play with him? What if your son did not want to play with his baby sister?

[@bettyparker3317]

I’m an only child. I don’t remember much from that time, but I learned pretty early to entertain myself. All toddlers need supervision, but it doesn’t always have be “playing with” a person. You playing with him constantly isn’t good, either. From 4-5 or so, my parents sent me to pre-school, and other group activities for whatever age. Maybe playground or community groups? Or church? The toddler attention span isn’t long, regardless. I might take a wild guess that you are wishing for another child more than he is.

[@montanamike7948]

Better bonding time with you, that's all they need....they don't know better or what it's like to have siblings, they have you. That's enough.

[@Anmxlegend94]

I'm an only child. I find myself a great person. solitude is my power. I'm a lion in solitude. However, when I socialize, I lack a lot. I cry inside if I had a brother or a sister whom I would've learned socializing with before doing it with strangers. I cry inside because all my brothers are strangers and don't last forever. I cry inside that my spouse talks me about how close she was to her brother and the stories she went through with her brother that would make sometimes think badly about her relationship with her brother because I wouldn't understand if I had no siblings .But all thanks are due to God, anyways.

[@SuperSongWriter]

I’m bullied bc of this.I hate being an only child.😭

[@Meka-qq1tj]

I'm the youngest of four children and having siblings is not as fun as people make it out to be. I rather take being an only child than having to compete with attention.

[@BrianJablon]

I never went to dinner alone with my parents and no siblings until I was 29 before I got married. I bet you went to dinner alone with your parents once a week. They have brainwashed you because they were too selfish to provide you a sibling.

[@mantecrisp.8908]

My prof brought me here

[@sgomezc1]

Very insightful

[@wills242]

Really??

[@shebelieves9650]

One of my neighbors is always trying to make play dates, events, girl scoots to make sure they’re only child has other kids to play with. The mom makes comments that all my kids have each other. Ever since the shut down in March 2020 the only child has not stepped foot into a classroom but is doing on line learning. I rarely see her leave the house. Not even in the backyard to play. Being an only child will probably really kick in when you’re older and your parents have passed on.

[@trissakazel9483]

I think every family has a different situation. We too have only 1 child. But we always go out and we spend a lot of quality time with our son. We often visit relatives and my son gets to play and spend time with his cousins. We travel, watch movies. He may be an only child but he is not LONELY. He has us his parents and his friends and relatives. This wont change even when he grows up and we pass on.

[@renealexander2703]

@shebelieves9650, what does being an only child have to do with parents passing? What about when people's siblings pass?

[@LifelessShoujo]

Why does it seem like you’re belittling this mother’s attempts for their child to interact with other kids, and her for being an only child? What did she do to you

[@renealexander2703]

@@LifelessShoujo , I'm not belittling anything. I just asked what does being an only child have to do with parents dying. People with siblings have parents that die.

[@twintower8274]

Many siblings don't go along well at all. No point thinking they are back up when parents pass

[@BrianJablon]

You assume kids with siblings don’t have alone time. They cherish alone time. You are older now so I can say it - you will crave a husband to spoil you and be his sole focus as your parents did to you.

[@raheemadedeji3159]

Unfortunately, I’m not an only child and I’m letting you know you’re probably the luckiest type of people on the planet

[@GoosedGosling]

Brought to you by Eugenics-R-Us.

[@a.c.j.8751]

I don't feel she is genuinely happy. Why is that?

[@kunsa1853]

Because you aren't a certified feeling detector.

[@TonyFontaine1988]

Because you're right. And the only children here are coping. Most are narcissistic and selfish people

[@TonyFontaine1988]

​@@kunsa1853cope

[@bogdiworksV2]

projection, perhaps?

[@TonyFontaine1988]

@@bogdiworksV2 not projection. It makes sense because they got all the attention from their parents

[@feelthejoy]

As an only child, I can say: Please don’t assume her awkwardness and lack of good presentational skills are universal. I get that she’s 16. But yikes! The “text” is mostly true. But jeez girl…

[@chepparmaps]

unique perspective = SELFISH

[@TonyFontaine1988]

No. They think doing something for someone else is a big deal or favor

[@ProPLAY145]

being a only child is so difficult life

[@tfrann]

Having siblings that treat you like chit is also a difficult life

[@TonyFontaine1988]

It isn't a stereotype. I can almost always point them out easily among people because they don't "connect" with people the same way. They are very focused in themselves

[@toma1153]

It's pretty obvious why it would be harder for them to connect with people as they didn't have the same feedback from siblings, they had to learn it for themselves out in the world social cues etc. Give them a break bro don't need you pointing them out in a room 😂 they didn't choose it either

[@aleenabelladavis860]

Obviously that was a stereotype.

[@parishers6351]

My son is an only child and very selfless. All the parents love when he’s with their kids because he’s so attentive and caring with their children 😂😂

[@kimjordan8151]

That’s not true about all only children. I’m pretty outgoing around people I’m comfortable with and like. Most of the selfish people that I know are the youngest of their siblings.

[@TonyFontaine1988]

@- freya - you can't connect in the same way. Your selfish needs are amplified in relationships

[@ashzole]

You didn’t give us a second to even guess!!!!!! do over!!!

[@roachwithagun]

rude

[@GoosedGosling]

@@roachwithagun Cry harder.

[@Gnostic_Plague]

I hope my only child doesn’t talk so much when he’s her age. Geez I know she’s giving a speech, but I can’t help but imagine her to monologue like this all the time.

[@shrin210]

Let another teenager who have siblings give a speech. We will compare who have done a good job with speech.

[@uefamikep]

18?

[@montanamike7948]

Right on