How to be socially magnetic | Ben Chai | TEDxSurreyUniversity

In this talk author and business mogul Ben Chai takes us on his journey of self love and building relationships to teach us how we too can be socially magnetic. Ben Chai
Ben Chai is a property specialist, author and business mogul with 30 years under his belt. Ben is committed to positively impacting people to reach their maximum potential and will be joining us on the TEDx stage with a talk on how to network, build meaningful relationships and be magnetic. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@alexanderkeehnen]

"Add value to every person you meet." Simple as that. Well done Ben, this is a really really REALLY powerful TED Talk

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you Alexander Keehnen. Love your various podcasts. Apparently John C. Maxwell an authority on leadership once said: “Be intentional to add value to every person you meet everyday.” What other tips would you give others to connect at a deeper level?

[@Betheotherone]

@@husseinfaiz3397 - his Ted talk seems to show more than just complimenting someone. A few he demonstrated in the talk were - Took time to get to know the person (although on a Ted stage I think they only have 15-18 minutes max) to demonstrate. - Then promoted them (if they aren;t a crocodile) in your social media with descriptions of some of the things you found great about the person. - his book - which you may be able to download for free on kindle - shows many more ways to add value to people .

[@gordiebalkangirl]

Love this!

[@infowazz]

i love that. short and sweet.

[@benchai3394]

Thank you Alexander, really loved the great information you're sharing on your channel. Hope to see some more.

[@MarceloNajar]

You don't realize this but as you grow up, being surrounded by people like Ben is a blessing

[@benchai3394]

In a world that desperately needs kindness, you are an oasis in the storm. Thank you so much for your kind words.

[@gordibalkangirl]

Spot on! Blessed!

[@boazonguti3550]

Hi

[@knobfieldfox]

I think Ben’s number one characteristic is kindness. A lot of conversations these days revolve around the person trying to be the centre of attention, holding court if you like. But how could anybody fail to like Ben - he validates you!

[@arunun7769]

1.develop self worth (mirror technique) 2.accept the way you are 3.self affirmations 4.add value to everyone you meet 5.what makes you exicted about life? 6.go deeper and deeper into the opposite person favourites 7.walk away from negativity

[@benchai3394]

Arun, thank you for taking the time to comment. Self affirmations can be a two edged sword depending on what the affirmation states. For example, if an affirmation states "I am becoming beautiful" then the internal belief hears that they are not beautiful. or if there is a disconnect between the affirmation and the reality. Thank you again for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it.

[@skylarfrederiksen1640]

Reading that comment felt like trying to talk while chewing

[@buttercup3883]

You saved my 20 mins thank you

[@NewKingBrandon]

You can tell this guy has really practiced his presentation and is fully confident in the message that he’s sharing

[@benchai3394]

Thank you NewKingBrandon. Loved your video - how is the online gaming going? I used to be quite a gamer myself at one time.

[@sydneympofu1033]

Ben is such a gifted individual with rare qualities and I think this comes to him naturally.

[@benchai3394]

@@sydneympofu1033 Thank you :-)

[@user-jh6kx1fw9h]

I think he's just full of it, actually. ;)

[@TheBanana93]

@@benchai3394 Hope we bump into each other one day and can have a pint and a proper chin wag!

[@Mel-ix9rl]

I had ZERO self esteem and practically hated myself until I started speaking positive affirmations in the mirror. It was SUCH a challenge to start but looking back if it wasn’t for that one practice I wouldn’t be the successful confident young woman I am today💕 KNOW THY SELF

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you so much for taking the time to share Melissa. I used to be a radio presenter and loved your oldies playlist :-)

[@user-jh6kx1fw9h]

That's just hustling yourself (while it's not a bad thing to do). In order to be strong, you can choose a healthy lifestyle and work on having a strong body and mind (working out, reading and whatever). That way it will come naturally, through hard work. =) *also, pick a partner that motivates you; most of my gfs didn't understand my effort when we were younger and now they're posting pictures on social media in order to try and fulfill their lives. xD

[@anubhavk399]

You're Amazing

[@Blocphace]

Bravo

[@fictionwryter]

Amen... So happy for you sister. And don't ever forget, you are worthy 😘

[@rajniranjan]

"Add value to every person you meet." Make the other person the main character in your conversation. Amazing and thanks a lot.

[@IncomingThought]

Ask questions that are not to intrusive whilst breaking the convention of asking people where they're from and what they do - as people rarely remembers that stuff anyway.

[@rajniranjan]

@@IncomingThought Agreed.

[@picklepirate]

Everyone ALWAYS comments “horrible audience”, but they’re supposed to listen without clapping wildly. Also, the audio engineers probably quiet the audience a bit so we can hear the speaker.

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for taking the time to comment. The audience were wonderful and many came and spoke to me afterwards :-)

[@alval1098]

Great talk. Unresponsive audience. feed them to the crocodillos

[@kinyuanjeri]

😂😂😂

[@francescaboldon571]

The audience were the crocodiles.

[@motivacaomulher4624]

Great comment

[@benchai3394]

@@themichael3410, chocodiles sounds amazing. Can we order them online?

[@benchai3394]

WoW - just did an online search. There are so many Crocodilo products!!!

[@nocando89]

And 15:35.. adding context, some people look like they are tolerating you but might actually be dealing with social anxiety. Have discernment. Your persistence and warmth with someone who is finding it hard to express themselves might leave a positive impression of care and warmth that others fail to give. Keep your compassion and keep an open mind. You don't know the reason why someone acts the way they do, and normally its their own insecurities and nothing to do with you.

[@benchai3394]

S.H. Thank you for adding some great insights to the discussion.

[@benzysmommy]

What a beautiful comment. Thank you.

[@benchai3394]

@@benzysmommy Thank you for your sharing the world compassion 🙂

[@ioannak.4690]

How to be magnetic instantly: • Develop Self-worth • Add value to other's peoples lives • Learn to Walk Away (Negative People)

[@Betheotherone]

Agreed :-) The examples in the talk of * how to develop self-worth and the length of time it might take to love yourself. * Simple ways to add value to others when you may not feel significant or worthy to add values * How to recognise when people are subtly undermining you were also really helpful.

[@livewild2559]

Thanks

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you :-) The TEdx format provides us with up to 18 minutes to share important concepts. Unfortunately we can only ever share a surface overview. *Develop self worth by deep self acceptance.* Affirmations are a great tool but have been shown to be ineffectual long term. For example, if someone used an affirmation such as "I am great" and used this affirmation every day. Your unconscious self will be shouting this is a lie - "I am not great". This tension between your conscious self and your unconscious self will ultimately cause depression, or stress related illnesses. . *Adding Value* Adding value to other people's lives is also tricky one for many reasons. Three examples:- you may not feel you can add value to someone because you do not connect with their vibe, you have lack of your own self-worth (hence why the first point is important), you may feel that compared to you they are significantly accomplished in life. This Tedx talk shares how you can add value to others when you feel you have no value to give. For example, if you have low self esteem or what society may label as a lowly job. *Learn to walk away* Finally learning to walk away.....depending on the culture, society and self-worth, many find it difficult to walk away. An understanding of what we mean by negative people is also important. In strategic terms, 1. Walk away from people who abuse you. ie they abuse who you are or your time. 2. Walk away or severely limit contact with people who drain you. There is nothing particularly wrong with these people and other people would probably enjoy being with them but for you they just drain your energy. People who are constantly complaining but never taking any action to deal with their complaints may be an example. 3. "Negative" people....nobody is inherently negative or positive. Many businesses fail because they do not listen to "negative" people or label people as negative rather than evaluating whether the person's perspective is right for a give time and situation and then using risk management techniques to mitigate the potential unwanted outcome.

[@benchai3394]

Joanna, you are awesome! Thank you for the comment and for taking the time to create some great motivational playlists on your channel.

[@user-jh6kx1fw9h]

Yup, you give in order to get. People today forget.

[@Kzombie]

Horrible audience. This guy was amazing.

[@Betheotherone]

I thought the audience and the speaker were great. I saw quite a few of the talks at Tedx and he seemed to have more engagement than the others.

[@Kzombie]

0:46-0:59 2:49-3:06 3:36-3:55 4:10-4:20

[@francescaboldon571]

English people are more reserved :-)

[@nunyabidnazz2311]

Tom Hwang Kim no doubt! I wish I could’ve been in that audience!!

[@lindornzama5760]

I think it a different cultural setting. Some respond with silince to show respect and full engagement to the speaker

[@saviourshedamang]

To be a social magnet, I must build self-esteem, add value to people and learn to walk away from the crocodile Thank you sir

[@IncomingThought]

Great summary -on the main aspects. Thank you for sharing. It would be great for you to share the different ways or alternative ways to execute and implement :-)

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you again for taking the time to comment.

[@susanne827]

I read Ben Chai´s book "Social Magnetism" half a year ago. It has dramatically changed the way I network.

[@Sonyetc]

lol

[@Betheotherone]

Agreed - the social magnetism book has a lot more exercises and examples to develop self worth and add value to others.

[@gordiebalkangirl]

Fabulous book.

[@jeanlouislaura]

Thankyou

[@efcorek]

Hi Susanne - in what ways has it changed the way you network? I'm curious to know what you took away from it - I go to a lot of networking events these days, maybe I can pick some tips up?

[@valerieprasetyo6267]

Networking and attracting the right people is kind of an art. And indeed, it's all about adding value. Read Ben's book, Social Magnetism, and really recommend it as it's very practical and contains lots of insights.

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you for taking the time to comment Valerie - love the videos on your channel :-)

[@benchai3394]

Thank you Valerie. It certainly is an art. Love the value given by the videos on your channel. Hope you get time to produce some more.

[@jacobhoover9223]

This man won my heart he is so kind

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you so much Jacob. Hope everything is going well with you.

[@nawalkhawar7602]

I know right!

[@IncomingThought]

@@nawalkhawar7602 thank you for taking the time to comment. If you have the time to comment one more time, would love to know what you enjoyed most about it.

[@KillerConfidenceQueen]

I HAVE DONE THE MIRROR THING SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. I always told my friends about it when they were struggling to appreciate themselves - and I believe it helped them through the years. when I am having a rough day, I look at myself in the mirror and remind myself what is great about me. I think it's important to recognize millennial culture in this practice too - selfies and snapchat and mirrors aren't solely about being narcissistic, but instead, building confidence in a microscopically judgmental world.

[@IncomingThought]

Wow that's so awesome Stephanie. Thank you for taking the time to comment. If you ever have time to share I'd love to know some of the things you've had people say to themselves in the mirror :-) sending you many blessings

[@ronald.j.poulard]

👍👍👍 LOVE THIS

[@francescaboldon571]

Didn;t realise how something as simple as the mirror technique could be so difficult. Its helped me come across more positively to people but still not totally there yet. How long did it take you?

[@benchai3394]

@@ronald.j.poulard Thank you so much RJP.

[@benchai3394]

@@ronald.j.poulard love your pilates playlist

[@katienascimento4787]

This was so incredibly helpful to watch. As someone who’s struggled their entire life with personal image, and social anxiety, it’s been difficult to try to communicate with people in a way that portrays conviction, confidence, and connection. Immediately showing interest in that persons passion, what makes them happy, what brings them joy, it opens the door to a conversation that’s valuable to everyone. A very simple but effective way to connect with someone on a much deeper level. I’ll take this with me

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you so much for taking the time to share so many great ideas

[@chrismacleod9326]

Well said! I agree and will also take these wise words with me.

[@michellevoong6168]

1. Self - worth (mirror technique) 2. Give value to ppl (keep ur phone away, go deeper on convos, ask qs that excite them) 3. Walk away from crocodile

[@benchai3394]

🙂

[@efcorek]

I love how Ben demonstrated immediately what he is "preaching" - how he got Trayan on stage. So simple and yet so powerful.

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for taking the time to comment Efcorek and very observant of you. Where-ever possible I like to demonstrate whatever I'm sharing on stage for people to get their own ideas on how to implement these concepts.

[@impulsiveman5901]

6:30 BRO I DO THAT ALL THE TIME BEFORE I GET INTO THE SHOWER it is because im a bit vain but looking at myself in the mirror for a few minutes and just think "damn that is a fellow with potential" really does help

[@benchai3394]

LOL - thanks for sharing. As long as point one and two are balanced - you're amazing 🙂

[@elizabethcanalejo2958]

I think its really charming how Ben is replying to everyone on here. That's some practice what you preach kind of thing. Its really inspiring how he didn't give up on humanity after the way he was treated

[@IncomingThought]

THank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I used to take sign language lessons and loved the video you shared on your channel.

[@benchai3394]

Thank you so much Elizabeth. sending you many many blessings

[@suzannalindsey5526]

BARS! That point, walk away. The push and pull, bring people flocking to your life. You give the a little value, then let them come to you. I find myself pushing for friendship and get flaky people.

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you for taking the time to comment. Happy to answer any questions you might have :-)

[@IncomingThought]

@sillycliff512 thank you for taking the time to comment and for all the time you've taken to create your learning French and other playlists

[@davidkonevky7372]

For me the problem is that most of my favorite topics aren't "icebreaker" material. Meaning I have to search DEEP into my brain to find something to say to someone to not sound boring.

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you for taking the time to comment David. There are some wonderful talks on ice breakers if you feel you need it. Quite honestly, I think a "hello" is good enough and if you need "ice breakers" maybe try out the ones in the Tedx talk which we did live with Trayan :-)

[@francescaboldon571]

Interesting....

[@meanlb9748]

1. Develop self worth 2. Add value to people everywhere you go. (Ask a question that makes them feel excited) 3. Walk/run away from the crocodiles

[@benchai3394]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. The challenge is in the "how". Would love to evolve from knowing some of your "hows".

[@lyu6462]

So much positive energy

[@benchai3394]

Thank you Lyu, really enjoyed the videos on your channel. Which part of Spain were they filmed in?

[@susanzoeckler4926]

This lively speaker grew on me as I listened. I love his three tips for being "socially magnetic". Turns out I've spent way too much time: * hurling recriminations at myself; * isolating from others; and -- * flossing the teeth of crocodiles! (This is ludicrous, because I am AMAZING.)

[@IncomingThought]

You are so AMAZING

[@stoneage6379]

I've noticed that Ben himself has answered many of the comments personally. How lovely is that. An infectious enthusiasm.

[@benchai3394]

Stone Age - that's very observant of you :-) Thank you for taking the time to comment. Hope some of the other interviews or my own content blesses you also. If you ever have a question do feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer :-)

[@phindilematsebane7451]

I love Phindi...every time I see her in the mirror I can’t help but stop for a sec to admire her.. I call her PUC (pretty up close). Coz she is a fox up close but not so shiny from a distance😉. I guess a lot of people find her interesting coz she has the ability to connect with just about anyone on a 1st encounter. But the moment they show too much interest, it drains her of her energy and she goes back to her wonderful shell. And that’s my story I walk away even when I should stay and then I beat myself up about it for a little while before their memory fades and then I remember how nice and comfy my shell is and I go back inside with the biggest smile on my face.😌

[@IncomingThought]

Phindile, Thank you so much for sharing and the lovely meditational playlist you've curated. I totally agree with you. Phindile is amazing.

[@seanchaffe3493]

I had the pleasure of spending some one-to-one time with Ben yesterday and he is exactly as he presents himself - authentic, positive and fun-loving. He is certainly socially magnetic and a true inspiration.

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I found your story pretty inspirational too.

[@benchai3394]

Really great to meet you and Viktoria. Hope to see you both again.

[@drilonkennedy-gorne2049]

ayo you got a response from both his accounts????

[@USAGLOBALTV]

Having worked with Ben, he is the consummate professional. He is a savvy entrepreneur who leads with his heart helping others to learn and grow. He is an expert presenter who is well rehearsed and knowledgable on many levels. This

[@USAGLOBALTV]

I highly recommend Ben’s Book “Social Magnatism”and this TED Talk. Well done BEN!

[@benchai3394]

@@USAGLOBALTV - thank you so much for the recommendation.

[@benchai3394]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment.

[@shirlanerw5333]

It’s all love, positivity & tranquility. From Shirlane RW

[@benchai3394]

Thank you - sending you many blessings in your life

[@opindecarolyne]

This is a great TEDx Talk on Social Magnetism, Ben Chai. I really like the way you emphasised it all starts with developing self-worth and adding meaningful value to people and learn to walk away from people who do not value you.

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for taking the time to comment. Love all the value you are adding to the world with your magazine to help NGOs blossom and the beautiful playlists you've created on your channel.

[@kirillkaletkin4276]

Kirill from Russia here - found your social magnetism talk really helpful in connecting with others

[@benchai3394]

Thank you so much Kirill. May you be very blessed in your life journey.

[@marcosross790]

Never ruffle a crocodile's feathers. I love that. Brilliant advise.

[@benchai3394]

Thank you Marcos - sometimes no matter how much you try to help some people, they will not appreciate it. A friend of mine educated me a little. He one should offer the help before helping. As a result, it will greatly reduce the number of crocodiles, or rather crocodile behaviour from people that we have in our lives.

[@jojojarvis1818]

This helped me more than any pill or therapy session. This is one of the best talks I have heard. I've listened to this several times and I thank you Ben. You blessed me immensely with your story . Namaste.

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you so much for taking time to write some feedback. Loved you and your family's awesome dance energy in your youtube channel.

[@kryptonite9920]

I learned when someone asks you “what do you do”, they’re calculating the level of respect to give you.

[@IncomingThought]

Oh no....best not to answer then ;-)

[@jessicakelley0]

I love this speaker, he’s so funny &his personality is adorable!!!!

[@benchai3394]

Jessica, Thank you for taking the time to comment. May you be blessed in everything you do.

[@dbsk06]

I’m really glad KZbin recommended this bc these days 90% of Ted talks are repetitive and little value add

[@benchai3394]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Do let me know if I can add some extra value.

[@kathrynweathersby1195]

Mantra: May my time here be beneficial to all beings💕

[@kathrynweathersby1195]

@Kitty Katt😘

[@benchai3394]

@@kathrynweathersby1195 Thank you - may you be blessed in everything you do

[@elementalmanny1]

“Be the oasis in the storm” that hit rly deep for me

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment J-slip. As a fan of K-pop, I really appreciate the time you've taken to create your amazing K-pop playlist.

[@hellenmonicah5473]

This is really educative. I always regard myself as an introvert even though I have things to offer. Value that is. I go to social gatherings and meet ups and I always hold back. Maybe I feel noone will listen to me, or that I'd get embarassed. But you know what, I will show up more. I will connect and network with people more. No harm in that. And as Ben has said, if it feels forced, I will walk away. Cheers to us putting ourselves out there more

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for taking the time to share. Cheers to all of us introverts who always find a way to engage without compromising our lovely introverted qualities.

[@OlgaOlmedo]

I can relate with your past. Now, I walk into a room and all eyes on me 🥰

[@benchai3394]

Bless you Olga. Thank you so much for your comment :-)

[@murielle1611]

He seems like such a lovely, warm-hearted person. His aura is so beautiful.

[@benchai3394]

Thank you so much for your kindness, generosity and positive energy.

[@sabbirshahriar8734]

1.mirror technique 2.gjve value to people 3.walk away from crocodile

[@IncomingThought]

Great summary - the how to is in the detail and I wish there had been more time to provide greater detail which other people have done in the comments 🙂

[@motivacaomulher4624]

Brazil likes social magnetism. This gentleman brings the best out of everyone and THAT’S what’s about! Great talk!

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for taking the time to comment. I have met Brazilians all over the world and they certainly have great social magnetic energies around them.

[@Muralpainting]

He does seem to bring the best out in the people around him. I think it’s part of social magnetism.

[@IncomingThought]

@@Muralpainting thank you for taking the time to comment Peter and all the value you give connecting people with one another.

[@gevagreenfield5080]

I love this TEDx talk which I have viewed as part of my journey towards acceptance, dignity, compassion and kindness. In this talk Ben bravely exposes his personal story and shares some impetrative take-home messages: - Use the ‘mirror technique’ to learn to love yourself - Add value to people - Walk away from the “crocodiles” I highly recommend reading his book about social magnetism which speaks about attracting the right people and communicating with them in an effective and humane way.

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you for taking the time to comment. Do let me know how my book has helped you and any questions you might have from the social magnetism book.

[@sajidwazir8174]

Love everyone unconditionally and they will love you back.

[@benchai3394]

I only wish it was that simple.....loving someone unconditionally doesn't mean they will love you back and opens you to a certain amount of betrayal. Thank you for taking the time to share your perspective :-)

[@mohitraja9210]

3rd point is life saving, time saving. Energy saving. Many crocs around me😁 I will run away too. Thanks

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for sharing Mohit. Some crocodiles are harder to get away from eg family. All the best on your life journey.

[@mattnorman9215]

Wow, thought provoking stuff. Didn't know loneliness was the biggest killer on the planet! Loved the practical demonstration on how you can add value to everyone around you

[@Karan-xt5bs]

One of the kindest guys I've ever seen and very knowledgeable about his various skills, great ted talk!

[@benchai3394]

Karan, thank you for your kindness and for taking the time to comment. Sending you many blessings.

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you for sharing your AQA P&C playlist. It was so interesting.

[@smvamp2188]

the way i broke down watching this. Thanks Ben.

[@IncomingThought]

Sending you many hugs. Thank you for sharing.

[@Victorert]

Since 2018, i been following you Ben and now that i am in Turkey, many people around me also got inspired by your guidance. Turkey loves you Ben 🙏🏻

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you so much Victor. I love Turkey too. Spent some time dancing in Istanbul.

[@jeramypoole5126]

I've always been a fan of Ben Chai but i think he really brought it on this talk. So many great ideas i had to grab a note pad and start taking notes. Thanks for sharing Ben and keep up the good work!

[@IncomingThought]

Jeramy, thank you so much for taking the time to share.

[@nawalkhawar7602]

One of the best Ted talks ever. The way he spoke, the way he carried himself. The little bits of humour here and there. And the great advice. It was amazing.

[@IncomingThought]

Nawal, thank you so much for taking the time to comment.

[@MindestensDreiZeichen.]

Lovely person and a great speaker

[@benchai3394]

F L, thank you for taking the time to comment. May you be surrounded by many lovely people in your life.

[@caricreate2208]

Adding value to people is a very important lesson. People who are liked the most are sociable, and mostly good listeners. Barely any person is boring, everyone has something interesting to share, their passions and life if you just ask the right questions and listen. It´s beautiful to see. I have a friend who judges people a lot after meeting them once, and it´s a pity because people are not not boring or this or that when you dońt really try to understand how they are and why.

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for adding to the conversation. It's definitely difficult to get the balance right on finding out who is a crocodile and who you need to give a second chance to.

[@IncomingThought]

Love this

[@illusion7439]

This person is a very strong man. Remaining a good person after bad things happened to him uffff....... I want to be like him 🤩

[@benchai3394]

Thank you - often there is a massive conflict within.

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you to everyone and TEDx Surrey for providing a lovely platform to share and for all your lovely comments. Below are a few behind the scenes notes. Do feel free to add your own persepctives :-) *Develop self worth by deep self acceptance.* Affirmations are a great tool but have been shown to be ineffectual long term. For example, if someone used an affirmation such as "I am great" and used this affirmation every day. Your unconscious self will be shouting this is a lie - "I am not great". This tension between your conscious self and your unconscious self will ultimately cause depression, or stress related illnesses. . *Adding Value* Adding value to other people's lives is also tricky one for many reasons. Three examples:- you may not feel you can add value to someone because you do not connect with their vibe, you have lack of your own self-worth (hence why the first point is important), you may feel that compared to you they are significantly accomplished in life. This Tedx talk shares how you can add value to others when you feel you have no value to give. For example, if you have low self esteem or what society may label as a lowly job. *Learn to walk away* Finally learning to walk away.....depending on the culture, society and self-worth, many find it difficult to walk away. An understanding of what we mean by negative people is also important. In strategic terms, 1. Walk away from people who abuse you. ie they abuse who you are or your time. 2. Walk away or severely limit contact with people who drain you. There is nothing particularly wrong with these people and other people would probably enjoy being with them but for you they just drain your energy. People who are constantly complaining but never taking any action to deal with their complaints may be an example. 3. "Negative" people....nobody is inherently negative or positive. Many businesses fail because they do not listen to "negative" people or label people as negative rather than evaluating whether the person's perspective is right for a give time and situation and then using risk management techniques to mitigate the potential unwanted outcome.

[@karlaheath5504]

This is an evidence based comment on this Ted talk.

[@bencyber8595]

oh ! fantastic

[@commandmediacorps]

Well put, thank you for the summarization.

[@IncomingThought]

@@commandmediacorps - a bit late bu....t thank you for taking the tiime to comment 🙂

[@IncomingThought]

@@karlaheath5504 - yes - thank you again for taking the time to comment.

[@joebuddyy]

I can really relate to this TED Talk

[@benchai3394]

Jay, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Sending you many blessings for your life journey.

[@anitaihonre]

Wow...Never thought adding value would be something as simple as listening to people talk about themselves for a while

[@benchai3394]

Anita, thank you for your comment. You are very perceptive, yes it is more than just listening, the important components are; active listening, follow up on a conversation, and going beyond the conversation to name a few but other TEDx talks cover these components.

[@MegaRakx]

Brilliant talk about how simple life should be, accept yourself for who you are and to be positive too, the right people will come to you. I remember being that little boy and I definitely feel different about how I feel about myself. Now where is that mirror 💥🔥❤ Amazing Ben thank you !!

[@Betheotherone]

LOL

[@francescaboldon571]

I am curious to know a few tips to simplify my life.

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for sharing Rak. Love your humour. So pleased that little boy grew into an amazing man.

[@thesilentepidemicofprenata2586]

As someone who long ago learned not to feed the crocodiles 🐊 it’s great to hear from a like minded soul. Being a psychiatrist, I can appreciate how Ben has found his Zen through social & business strategy that builds and invests in great teams to run his companies then lets go of them to let them fly. Bravo!

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you for taking so much time to comment and for the amazing value you're giving people round the world at ensuring their babies don;t suffer from alcohol brain poisoning. How is your work going?

[@dasarisrinivas1632]

Yes, I want to live longer :) 1. Develop your self worth - value yourself, positive affirmations - mirror technique, accept yourself. 2. Add value to people you meet everyday - Instead of asking data sharing questions, ask questions that are exciting. 3. Walkaway from negativity.

[@KiaYoung7]

Thank you Ben ❤❤❤

[@benchai3394]

Lekia, Thank you so much for your gratitude. Sending you many blessings. for your life journey..

[@evelyncikas]

Amazing! I love this speech! Thank you, Ben, for sharing it with us!!!

[@IncomingThought]

Gosh thank you for taking the time to comment Evelyn. I'd love to know some of your tips for connecting with others at a deeper level. Sending you many blessings

[@annav5948]

great talk and a reminder of how we want the world to be ... adding values, avoiding crocodiles

[@IncomingThought]

Anna, thank you for taking the time to comment. Would love to hear a few of your insights :-)

[@benchai3394]

Anna, Thank you for taking the time to comment and for all the amazing work you've been doing in making the world a better place.

[@emilymcculloh7685]

He’s an Expert in Networking 👑

[@benchai3394]

Emily, Thank you for taking the time to comment.

[@nashmichaeld]

He put the words to my recovery from depression and anxiety. What a beautiful life lesson.

[@benchai3394]

Hsan, thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate the time you've taken to comment.

[@prave3599]

Very useful self improvement tips from Ben! Key takeaway is Believe in yourself and there are little things ( you can do on day-day basis which can have a big impact over longer term. Also 'Add value to other people lives' whenever you can!!

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you Prav. You are an incredible person and I enjoy hearing about the many stories you share regarding the challenges you've faced and overcome.

[@thunderbolt7140]

step 1. build confidence. add value to yourself. SELF WORTH method: mirror technique step 2: add value to people method: ask them questions like, what are you passionate about? talk about things that excites them. take selfies with people ans put it up. step 3: need to learn ro walk away. run away from crocodiles. method: legit cut em off -walk away from being tolerated. no one wants to be tolerated.

[@benchai3394]

LOL - Thunderbolt!!! Certainly no-one wants to be tolerated 🙂

[@paulanavarro1457]

Amazing talk, thankis

[@benchai3394]

Paul, thank you for saying. Sending you many life blessings.

[@marcotrabucco8425]

Great Talk Ben! If only everybody would watch it.. it would be a better world. Crazy to see how 'simple' things are often overlooked . Such a powerful message, wish I was in the audience! Will watch again and again, now onto the book!

[@benchai3394]

Thank you Marco. Sending you many blessings for your own journey. Hope the social magnetism book has provided you with more insights.

[@paulajane7475]

The mirror technique - amazing. It teaches us to be kind to ourselves and practice self love. I'm glad you found something that works for you and that you're sharing it with the world. Keep it up Ben!

[@benchai3394]

Thank you Paula - I learned the technique from Dr Wayne Dyer. I find that the mirror technique is quite difficult at first but has more lasting effects than affirmations. The challenge for affirmations is that what people are saying may be conflicting with what's in their core. For example, for some people, it doesn't matter how much they say to themselves that they are special, when their core feels that they are worthless. This causes an internal conflict between their inner self and the external affirmation.

[@IncomingThought]

Hope you find some of the business videos in my channel helpful also

[@dinoschachten]

"Be an oasis". Just a couple of months ago I realised that's what I want to be. Someone who looks the best, sounds the best, talks the best and interacts in the best possible way he can. Why not be the best person you can - for yourself and for everybody else. How beautiful would it be if you and I met, and, haven taken the vow to be the best we can, both of us get a warm smile from each other. Just because we have chosen that that's what we want to give, because everybody deserves it. And we'd both feel (even) better. :)

[@francescaboldon571]

Love your video and your music !

[@francescaboldon571]

WIndwalkers Trailer

[@dinoschachten]

@@francescaboldon571 Oh wow, thank you! :)

[@dinoschachten]

@@francescaboldon571 Actually the trailer was from a Kickstarter project that unfortunately didn't take of, but I took the liberty of composing music for their trailer (which didn't have original music). Feel free to send me a message and share one or two things about yourself if you want. :)

[@DeniseBosque]

This is my area I have worked with clients for 20 years on this and I love it. Also meeting people and leaving them with the impression of increase, when they walk away from you they feel better for the interaction.

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment Denise. Love dancing salsa with you and your amazing youtube channel helping others through anxiety attacks.

[@sadepopoola.]

Quiet inspiring. I took away not allowing people to talk negative about themselves around me.Well done Ben,I love your spirit.

[@benchai3394]

Sade, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Its so true about not wanting to hear people talk badly about themselves around you.

[@saranox7319]

I remember when being depressed (duo to school) the thought of dying was a relief and made me kind of happier, knowing that suffering is finite.

[@TheHahashishi]

I understand those feelings from my teenage years. I hope you feel better now 💚

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for your comment Sara - I remember being in a similar place. I think I still am but for happier reasons. How are you today? Do let me know if I can add some extra value to your life in some way. Sending you many blessings :-)

[@benchai3394]

@@TheHahashishi - just to echo Lloyd's sentiments

[@sawa3375]

I loved the talk! Very insightful and easy to listen to. 3 points, easy to remember, and simple enough to practice! Sometimes people focus on being the centre of attention themselves to feel magnetic, but to put the spotlight to others is actually the secret. (And run away if you accidentally put spotlight to a crocodile, though, right?) I think only people truly confident with themselves can give the spotlight to others, because they do not need others' confirmation as they give themselves self-confirmation.

[@IncomingThought]

WOW! Sawako! Thank you for sharing those insights. You are so right. You can only truly give the spotlight to others if you are confident in yourself. And yes definitely run fast if you accidentally put the spotlight on a Crocodile. Love it!

[@SpeakersAreLeadersMotivation]

Hello from Cuba !!! Amazing Speaker excellent!!!

[@benchai3394]

Hello Cuba 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate you.

[@andrewalton-read5350]

Ben, brings charisma and warmth and great wisdom. He gives everyone hope in their lives, as he says 'love yourself.' Being someone who suffered bullying throughout their life, it is only now that I am believing in myself and loving myself. I am now happy in my own skin. Thank you so much Ben :)

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share a little about your own journey. So pleased you've come out the other side. Sending you many blessings.

[@sagarsaurav5094]

Congratulations

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you so much Sagar. May you be blessed in everything you do.

[@frazergrant2201]

Really love what you shared. People connect with and date people they like. They do business and build empires with people they connect with. This is one of the most valuable talks I've heard. It not only takes concepts such as relationship capital to a totally different level but shows how people to develop it too.

[@Betheotherone]

Wow I never thought about it like that. Thank you for sharing new insight on his talk

[@muhammedalsaady2591]

Thank you ❤

[@benchai3394]

Muhammed, Thank you for taking the time to share your appreciation.

[@juliekrol]

This was a great talk Ben! I moved to London 2 years ago from Canada and it’s honestly been really hard on me because people in London really are like walking zombies and it’s so draining. I’ve had to learn to just do things myself cause everyone’s lack of motivation and lust for life is depressing and made it so hard wanting to stay here. I’ve found a few good people and that’s made a world of difference. Sorry the the crowd was full of these lifeless people ❤️

[@benchai3394]

Julie, thank you for taking the time to comment. The crowd were more lively and complimentary during the lunch break - perhaps its our British nature. Hopefully you've now met a few more lively people 🙂

[@susanac7733]

What a wonderful speaker! So lovely and giving. :)

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you for taking the time to comment Susana. Also loved your play list - the Les Miserable flash mob was so much fun!

[@yikes5818]

Aww he seems bare softhearted

[@IncomingThought]

Oh dear.....thank you ....sending you many many blessings for your life

[@tommcdonough5801]

Great talk, an I Love Doctor who too!!! God bless y'all

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for taking the time to comment Tom - do you have a favourite episode and Doctor?

[@tommcdonough5801]

Ooo that is a good question lol I really love when Matt Smith is playing the doctor lol an I really like the Scottish one too an the girl doctor haha 😆 too many good ones for me to pick! What about you, do you have a fave?

[@sveta099]

Well done! Magnetic Ben👋

[@IncomingThought]

🙂

[@nicholasxu5472]

Ben’s very charismatic and relatable, an absolute legend.

[@IncomingThought]

:-)

[@lisabrown9532]

Omg, why am I just discovering this amazing man!!!❤

[@hole62]

I interpreted this is “Pimpin’ is actually easier than you think”

[@benchai3394]

Gosh - I'd love to know what Pimpim is.

[@simonedrew7018]

Watched this the morning of a big interview and social gathering I was feeling anxious about. Incredible

[@IncomingThought]

🙂

[@MastaneeAti]

What a POWERFUL talk Ben! A very inspirational story about yourself and you show it takes and what's possible. Love it!!

[@benchai3394]

Thank you so much Mastanee. May you always be blessed in everything you do.

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you for taking the time to comment Mastanee. Love your own inspirational journey and seeing the testimonials of customers on your channel.

[@diannfloydboehm9615]

A wonderful Ted Talk! I think one of the best ones ever for all audiences! We all need to add value and believe in ourselves. I love how he reminded us to love ourselves and to walk away from the negative/crocodile. You have to have self-worth, and he shares with us how to add value to our lives. Ben is inspirational and hopefully will do more talks!

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment Diann. Love your youtube channel and the value you are adding to children worldwide in your books.

[@sutats]

My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

[@benchai3394]

😀

[@IncomingThought]

George thank you for taking the time to comment. How can we help you?

[@LaylaAClark]

The mirror technique is something I haven't done consistently, but after watching this, I definitely will be implementing it into my life! I did enjoy the second technique as well because I am a person who enjoys learning more about a person and their interests. Small talk is important, but can easily become repetitive conversation. Final note, please do avoid crocodiles everyone!! Inviting people with negative intentions into your space will drain your energy and deflate your sense of self. Love people who love you back. This was a wonderful piece.

[@benchai3394]

Wow Layla - thank you for sharing. You are so right many of these techniques seem easy but takes time and consistency. So agree with your shares on small talk and avoiding crocodiles. Thank you for sharing.

[@amritdhanoa7407]

A beautiful and powerful speech Ben, you are a true inspiration. Great tips :)

[@IncomingThought]

Thank you Amrit. Love your work and your care for others - you are an inspirational networker yourself. What other tips would you give people to connect better?

[@TheeaMusic]

love yourself, go deeper in conversations (don't just ask the shallow repetitive questions) and stay away from bad people

[@benchai3394]

Thank you for taking the time to comment 🙂

[@benchai3394]

And of course remember to love your self a quadrillion times 🙂

[@frankiefranfraser]

This is amazing! 👏💖 I am blessed to know Ben. One of the kindest gentlemen ever! Love him!! "Horrible giant monster" 😭💔 "I think he was from junior school" 🤣😂🤣😂 "Mum, what's Chinese?" 😍😍😍😍😍😍😥💔😥💔 😥💔😥💔😥 So cute but so sad learning 😥💔 We had a funny Chinese lady serve us in the Japanese restaurant on Saturday... Adnan asked for a knife and fork... "no sorry, we don't have, not allowed here, against the law" 🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣

[@benchai3394]

Fran, Thank you so much for sharing your favourite parts.

[@tonimilliken]

Fantastic talk Ben. Fabulous message, simply put, and easy for all to understand. In the last 4 months I too have used the mirror method to get to know the girl in the mirror again. My FB wall bears the post of the day it all changed for me 😁 Thank you for sharing this wonderful, and simple gift to change the way you feel about yourselves and the way others see you x

[@IncomingThought]

@Toni Milliken, thank you for sharing these powerful thoughts. I love this quote for people suffering with self-confidence:- "Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing."