Decluttering things that we INHERITED (without hurting anyone's feelings!)

What if we've inherited things that we no longer want to keep? And what if we also feel guilty or pressure from family members to keep these things? Today we'll talk about how to declutter these sentimental items in a way that doesn't hurt the feelings of others.
Dawn R's Decluttering Playlist: • If Closets Could Talk,...
Dawn's Channel: / @livingbyhearttv
LOOKING FOR MORE SUPPORT?
We have a few ways that we can come alongside you:
1) PRIVATE DECLUTTERING GROUP:
This takes place in a private Facebook group. Here's what you can expect:
- 5-10 minute videos each weekday with guided decluttering tasks
- monthly themes, weekly challenges
- 1 hour live guided decluttering sessions each week for accountability
- encouragement & support from other members
- cost is $11/month
This is ideal if you're looking for more motivation & accountability.
To learn more and to sign up, visit here: cli.re/minimal-mom-private-group
2) DECLUTTER YOUR HOME IN 15 MINUTES A DAY WORKBOOK:
This workbook is designed to walk you through decluttering each area of your home in 15 minute lessons.
- 168 full color pages
- easy to follow lessons designed for limited time & energy
- our key concepts (like inventory, the silent to-do list, the endowment effect & more) are spread throughout the book, too
Ideal for those looking for a self-paced guidebook to declutter their home quickly & efficiently.
The workbooks are $20 (digital or spiral bound)
Shipping: $4 flat rate domestic US
Find more details here
Physical Workbook: cli.re/Spiral-Bound-Workbook
Digital Workbook: cli.re/Digital-Workbook
3) TWO COURSES TO CHOOSE FROM:
Take Your House Back Course with Dana, Cas & I: www.takeyourhouseback.com/
Declutter Your Home in 15 Minutes a Day Course: cli.re/Course
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO COURSES:
Take Your House Back is hosted with three of us, myself, Dana from A Slob Comes Clean and Cas from Clutterbug. We talk big picture about how to declutter and focus a lot of attention on working through obstacles like sentimental items, unsupportive family members and other hang-ups. This course is FUN, there is a lot of involvement from all three of us and the ideas are specific to those who haven't been successful in the past.
Ideal for those who have been decluttering for a long time with little success and those looking for more community and support.
In the Declutter Your Home in 15 Minutes a Day course we go through the workbook, breaking down specific areas of your home in detail to be able to declutter faster and with more confidence. If you want to know specifics (like how many of each thing to keep) this course is for you.
..................................
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Kitchen Decluttering :: cli.re/Kitchen-Decluttering
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Royalty-free music used with permission from the KZbin Creator Studio, Epidemic Sound and purchased from AudioJungle.net

[@TheMinimalMom]

Thank you so much for watching! You can find links to Dawn's channel and decluttering playlist here: Dawn R's Decluttering Playlist: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gHmUk596fsyibpY Dawn's Channel (Living By Heart): kzbin.info/door/zweJVhO3YngoiPMFh5gf5Q We hope you have a great day! - Dawn & Dawn :)

[@maryferrer6894]

My mom collected carnival glass, teapots, stoneware, vases….you get the picture. When we sorted her things my sister basically said oh, you have to keep xyz. I really had 3 items that I really loved so I took the things my sister made me take, kept them in a box for five years and then donated them without telling her. I still have the 3 items and I enjoy them very much.

[@pippas5808]

When my father died, I couldn't even bear to throw out a shopping list in his handwriting. Nine years on, and I have a few things scattered around my home that I use daily - the rest has been passed on to others who will use and enjoy it (and I recycled the shopping lists!) I was left a load of my grandmother's household items. The biggest problem with decluttering was the pressure from other family members to keep everything. Eventually, I dealt with it by saying 'oh, would you like it? Here, take it!' Every time, they said they didn't have space for it themselves. My response was that if you don't care about something enough to make space for it in your own home, then you don't care enough to be bothered if I give it away.

[@katiejon17]

I feel this comment about the hand written notes and lists. My mother unexpectedly died 9 and a half years ago. I just threw away a notepad that had a few notes jotted down from her on the cardboard backing. I used up the notepad, but throwing that backing away hurt. I have to remind myself that I have a small collection of birthday cards and special notes she wrote to me as a child.

[@janilsson7766]

My grandparents died when I was in high school. My parents got their dinner plates and kept them in a box in the shed. They took up space and collected dust. When I got married I claimed them. We used them heavily. 5 kids later, we broke all but one. I'm sure it will also break, but I don't think I will be sad when it does. I'm happy we were able to use them up. Besides, I still have my memories of my grand parents whether I keep their stuff or not. No guilt here.

[@kfetter9046]

This was a really good conversation. When my Mom passed away, I was tasked with clearing her items. I brought them home with me, put them in my garage, and went through each item. I donated a lot, kept a fair amount, and created a memory box with some of the items that reminded me of her. I also wrote a short bio about her and put that in the box as well. I got pretty creative with donating - I gave hats to a local theatre company, who were thrilled to receive them, furs to a wildlife rehab center, and shared heirlooms with family and close friends. It took quite a while, but it actually helped me to work through a lot of my grief, and it was the last act of love I could do for her. When I was done, I felt more at peace because I had treated the things that were important to her with mindfulness and respect, and gave these items a new life in bringing joy to others.

[@jamiewagner7066]

I love all of those creative ways to we're able to gift those items!

[@leanneg4040]

How beautiful. So respectful,

[@angelasnodgrass6621]

You are awesome! Great way to honor your mom.

[@heddaconstantino7574]

My grandma always said, that “when I’m old and don’t know who I am, or who anyone else is, please do not feel that you need to come and visit me and don’t feel that you have to keep any of my old stuff.” We obviously still visited her, because we WANTED to, but what a GIFT from her, to give us her permission to let go. I didn’t realize the value of it until she was gone. I 100% plan on telling my kids the same thing. Things are just that, things.

[@dizzybusy1]

Yes, I agree! Things are just things. Keep only what is meaningful to you is what we’ve told our children.

[@lindam7518]

Wow! What a wonderful Grandma.

[@labradorite8256]

So true! Although I'm pretty sure they DO remember who you are, even if it's only for a second, or somewhere in the back of their minds. Both my in laws showed signs that the did in fact still recall us in some way.

[@tomwessling7065]

When I was younger, I was the one that ended up holding most of the family dinners/parties. Our kids were young, we still lived in the same town as my husband's family - so there were lots of birthdays and special events. I had hoped to have some of the things that were my grandmother's for entertaining but my mother held on to them and I felt uncomfortable asking if I could have them. When she had to move to an ALF after Dad passed I finally ended up with the china, crystal, etc. Now family is gone (moved or died), and our gatherings are small - so I use the beautiful things but rarely. Don't hang on to stuff that someone else in the family could use - pass them on early enough for them to make new memories.Thanks - Pam.

[@misa5941]

Why not use them every day and enjoy them?

[@JoVo1111]

I’d be willing to bet my mom is looking down from heaven and saying, “Get rid of that honey! I always meant to!” It would be SO like her. ❤

[@elizabethsokol2545]

LOL! Whenever I have a hard time donating or throwing out something of my father's, I hear him say "Get rid of it!"

[@bleakaf]

love this comment

[@christined2495]

JoVo, my Mom is saying your heartless, lol Whenever I would help her rearrange her closet, I have the vision in my head her sitting on a chair, and me saying DONATE THIS, DONATE THAT, with her beautiful brown eyes she would say Chrissy your heartless lol

[@JoVo1111]

@@christined2495 😂 Love that! She sounds more like my grandmother. I guess snarkiness skips a generation. Lol!

[@christined2495]

@@JoVo1111 my Mom will be gone 4 years in June, it’s actually a memory that seems to pops up in my head quite often . I would switch her winter clothes out when spring had arrived, she loved her clothes and had a hard time parting with her any of her clothes, that’s when she would call reinforcement ME, she knew I was the girl to do it, but I can see her tiny frame sitting in the closet on a chair , while I sorted out her donation pile. When I got done the last time we did this project she had enough room after she had an empty shelf, I put all photos in pretty frames of her grandchildren on this shelf , and she was thrilled . Ended up With bags to donate of clothing that had gotten to big for her. I was a minimalist my mom a maximalist. We didn’t know that would be the last time we would do her closet together 🥲

[@leahirvine3522]

I did get a few items of my grandmas when she moved from her apartment to independent living. After awhile I realized there were some specific pieces that I didn't want. I hesitated, because I didnt know if any of my family wanted them and of course they all live in a different city then me. I messaged them all. All replied with a no thanks. I didnt anticipate how much guilt that released from me. It was a weight that I was wearing and didnt know how freeing it was to hear that no one else wanted the items either. One of my good friends wanted them and she got them! It felt great

[@laurelarmstrong4535]

I had something similar happen with my parents things. After so many years I finally sent pictures of items to my kids and cousins. I was surprised a number of them were happy to get them. The other items I donated, feeling a huge burden lifted and know my kids won’t have to sort through them

[@krijoe3433]

Yes! That is what happened to me to. And the things they did want I loaded up asks took to them several hours away that next weekend.

[@ksk881]

When my mom had to be moved quickly due to her dementia, I was the only one who was tasked with going thru her stuff. I'm the only daughter, and my brothers were truthfully not interested. She was in a smallish condo, and I tried to include mom in the decisions, but that was a nightmare due to the dementia. I took pictures of things and sent them to my sisters in laws and the nieces. As they refused things (and mom had some beautiful things), I loaded them into my car and drove them to the Salvation Army. I kept a couple of pictures that reminded me of her and a soapstone angel. Mom asked me once or twice what I had done with her things. I mentioned the few things that I had kept and explained to her that we didn't have room for everything. I told her how I had given the rest of her beautiful things to people who would love them. She seemed to be OK with that, and she would forget it pretty quickly. Shortly after mom died, I did a good round of Swedish death cleaning in my home. I live in a small place, and I had already been decluttering for a few years, so it was pretty easy. I just did not want my son to have to go through that when I die. I learned something very valuable. Most of us have enough "stuff", and we don't want someone else's. Please do everyone a favor and share memories with your family before you possibly can't due to dementia or other health issues. When I think of mom, I remember things we talked and laughed and cried about...not her stuff. She's living in my memories, and that's what I'm trying to pass on to others. God bless you all !

[@christined2495]

Karen what a great comment, after my parents passed I Swedish death cleaned to, although I was minimal already, but I dug deep, photos, papers that could be thrown out, collectibles that were in boxes, my husband and I went to estate lawyer and made it as easy as it could be for my kids. It’s the best gift we can give them

[@libbykat3958]

That would have been so awful to do alone, Karen. I was raised by my grandparents and had to sort through and pack up their entire house after my Nanna moved into care with dementia. I felt so lonely and grief-stricken. I sent videos of myself telling some of the stories behind the items as I offered them to other family members, just to share the memories.

[@laimasher8915]

Thank you 💖

[@cjs1440]

I look around my house, and there isn't one item that I would think that, when I die, "my boys would really want to hold on to that because it really represents me!" It's stuff. And although it makes my home comfortable and pretty to live in, this stuff is hardly ME! I tell them, if you could use it, that you don't need to go buy another sofa, or kettle, keep it. Otherwise, sell what you can, and go on a trip. The only thing that is me, is a few photos, labelled on the back, so in the future, someone isn't saying who IS that? Even then, it doesn't really matter. The only thing I really care to leave behind are 2 boys (men) who are kind to others.

[@cs4849]

This is me as well. My grown sons, who are both smart, caring men are the only legacy that matters to me. Even now, if I offer something and neither wants it, I let it go without a second thought.

[@reneegagnier3226]

Well said!

[@libbykat3958]

Beautifully said. My family is my legacy, not my stuff.

[@cjs1440]

When my parents died, we took all photos out of old frames, scanned the photos & donated the frames. We chose a few favourite photos & created a coffee table book through an online sight. We made 6 copies for all my siblings, and put the rest of the scanned photos on a memory stick for each of us. Then we threw out all the hard copy photos.

[@MK-lp4he]

Love the idea of a photo book for each person. Trying to sort out physical pictures evenly amongst multiple family members is an impossibility large job.

[@bluesouthpaw6326]

That sounds perfect

[@joang8010]

I love this idea. When getting rid of old photos, do they need to be shredded?

[@bananaanna1373]

Brilliant. We should all do that with the pics we have now.

[@cjs1440]

@@joang8010 You shouldn't have to, but I guess it couldn't hurt, better safe than sorry.

[@annieb249892]

It’s been 10 yrs since my mom passed and this was the year I could finally say goodbye to most of her stuff. I kept her wedding ring and her favorite earrings and the rest is gone. It feels so good to pass on her things and know that someone out there is finding joy in them.

[@smcb2202]

If someone thinks you should keep stuff offer it to them! 😜 Lindsay in Ontario 🇨🇦

[@sarahthatcher123]

Just an encouragement for everyone to declutter their belongings no matter what age they are. When I was 39 years old I was diagnosed with stage 4 NHL cancer and it was only because the Lord decided it wasn’t my time that I did not die then. But I did not know that I would survive at that time. One of my most horrible, stressful, regretful thoughts was that I had left SO MUCH stuff that my Mom and sister would have to go through and get rid of. The burden that I had left them with was such an extra burden and stress and anxiety to carry when I was already dealing with so much. So, I always say, I learned the hard way and I am so thankful everyday that God gave me the time to change the outcome. I’ve been cancer free for 12 years now. I could not do the physical or mental work of decluttering for almost 10 years trying to ‘recover’. But I have now done many ‘rounds’ of decluttering and only have a few of the more challenging areas left to go through at a deeper level . So I hope someone reads this and doesn’t think they can, should wait to declutter just because they ‘aren’t old’ yet. Thankfully, after I did my own decluttering, during the first Covid lockdown I was able to help my mother and we decluttered her entire house and we spent the second year of ‘lockdowns’ decluttering her 80+ years of photos. I feel so much better now on either/ both sides of the scenario.

[@Nancefc]

Beautiful story.

[@bluesouthpaw6326]

Wow congrats!! That's awesome!!

[@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane]

Thank you... your story is a great reminder that we never know when our time will come, or even if we will be physically able to do these things tomorrow... debilitating accidents happen all the time too. Deciding on even one thing a day, or spending 5 minutes a day can make a huge difference over time, even if we don't have a lot of extra time in our lives right now. I'm happy that you beat cancer and were able to share your story with us... it is thought-provoking and motivating!

[@myaccount9498]

Thank you so much for sharing your story 💞 Yes it has helped me reading what u shared. God bless u

[@MarielaMerino]

Part of the reason why I'm helping my parents declutter their hoarder garage is because when they pass that is something I will to deal with on my own. I'm so thankful I have my parents alive and with me who can help me right now and we can go through stuff together now. Its been a long journey but so worth it ☺

[@donnav]

It is such a good thing that you are able to do this with your parents now. I would like to do the same with my parents but they aren’t quite ready yet.

[@MarielaMerino]

@@donnav hopefully one day :)

[@jd-um4jw]

Yes! Yes! That is how I wanted to do things. Go through it together, so that it wouldn't be all on me. Unfortunately that was not able to happen. My mom passed. And it made it extra extra hard going through all her things and having to decide what to keep or get rid of. So difficult. To everyone, try to do it together while you can.

[@MarielaMerino]

@@jd-um4jw ​ I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing

[@sandrawilson6702]

When I decided to really down size, especially when it came to family heirlooms, I just offered them to family members first. Those that were not wanted I either donated or sold. No guilt. God says our treasures are not to be worldly items, made it a lot easier for me ❤

[@kristinpratt3149]

My brother and I did something similar. We let an estate company sell our parents' house and all the contents. He and I went through the house in about a 3-day time period and took only what we wanted. We couldn't take the majority of our parents' items (and grandparents' items) into our smaller homes. They packed everything up, auctioned it all off, cleaned the house, made some repairs, and auctioned it as well. My brother lived 2 hours away and I lived in another state 600+miles away, so traveling back and forth to do it all ourselves wouldn't have worked. And the house had fallen into some disrepair, so auctioning it off was the best thing for us. It also got everything taken care of in 2 months' time instead of dragging out for multiple months or years.

[@Hillside-Hive]

Between you and Marissa at A to Zen Life I've been able to let go of 'things' without guilt. This is huge and much love to you for helping us!

[@annemariesamples5582]

To those afraid of losing memories when releasing the stuff, allow me to briefly share... I lost my biological father in Feb 2016, I was adopted away from him at the age of 9, but I am reminded of him when old rock music plays on the radio, or with the smell of campfires, and when I butter my Pancakes, or when someone says, "let's hit the road!" and in so many other ways! I recently lost my step dad Jan. 2022, and I think of him when I drink my coffee, or when I see a fun mixed drink, (he could mix!!!) or hawaiian shirts, or anything golf or corn hole, and again, so much more!! I realized yesterday that I hadn't cried for my step-dad since my wedding day 12 days ago (may 5th) when my new hubby and I shared a Hefe for him. I had cried every day, with every memory! So the memories are still there!! And it does get easier to survive each passing day. I hope this helps. I love you. May Yehovah bless you during your time of grief, and bring you peace and joy. Shalom.

[@caitlinbures4802]

I like how she had one area to organize the donations and such!!!! I think Dana’s method in this situation would work well, start with the trash and duh items. Food, bathroom supplies, cleaning supplies, even furniture items anything that’s not sentimental. And as you come across sentimental items just set them aside in categories. Dishes, photos etc. then when you are ready to go through them at least they are sorted and doesn’t make it quite so overwhelming.

[@debraturner9433]

My mom passed three years ago and my husband passed away the beginning of this year and the easiest way for me to let go of their belongings was to take pictures of their favorite things that I didn’t need here because I need to downsize. I donated the items to Goodwill. Having a picture of the items made it so much easier to let go of.

[@rocketscience3234]

So sorry for both of those losses for you… I can only imagine how difficult that has been for you. Prayers for comfort for you. And I think your method of taking pics & donating is a wonderful way to keep the memories but not the accumulated items. Wishing you good days 🌞

[@lauriehuttunen4202]

Continuation from below - my finger missed and hit send! It was a full service for 12, but I held back the 10 remaining small dessert bowls. I kept one for myself and sent one each to my siblings, some cousins, and an old family friend to use as they see fit. A small bowl can hold paper clips on a desk, hair clips in a drawer, spare change on a dresser, or even a scoop of ice cream, with a dash of memories of Grandma's holiday table on the side.

[@janemichael9433]

I have been the one in the family to accept and protect the family heirlooms. Now as I approach 70 I feel the need to reduce. My kids really don’t want my “vintage”stuff and that has to be fine. I have found that as more time has passed since my Mothers death it is becoming easier to let go of things. I like your idea of blessing others who can use it. Thanks for these thoughts. ♥️

[@pmbrulle1097]

I’m 41 and have lost both parents. I’m currently working through my mom’s belongings and my heart is broken. It is gutting to part with the only things that remain of your loved one. Thank you for addressing this heavy issue.

[@TheDriftwoodlover]

Yes, especially when they are younger when they pass.

[@maryann4721]

My mom passed away in 2020 and cleaning out her house was the most difficult process for me. You do feel so obligated to keep everything and I felt a tremendous amount of guilt getting rid of things. It was a good experience though, because it gave me an opportunity to tell both my children that when I pass away - they have my permission ... 100% ... to toss everything and anything. They do not need the extra pressure and burden. At the end of the day - it's just things. The most important memories should be stored in your heart.

[@juliewright1895]

My husband's parents passed away 5 months apart (ages 68 and 72, both of cancer and WAY too young). His grandmother went into a home for elderly with Alzheimer's between the two passing (and passed in about another year) and my husband also lost a very special aunt and another grandparent within a year of all of these. My husband hangs onto things to keep memories alive and he loved his family so much. It's been so hard. It's been about 12 years since all of these loved ones passed and my husband is now starting to release some of the things. Sometimes it just takes time and healing but I really appreciate your videos, Dawn. My Dad passed shortly before the deaths in my husband's family and my mama who lived with us passed 6 years ago. You have helped me to be ok with releasing MY sentimental things without guilt. Even with just one person releasing things, it still helps. This is such a hard thing. Thank you for your video. 💗

[@suestone5076]

😢

[@julietannOsfan1972]

There’s no way I’m getting rid of any of Mum & Dad’s pictures & memorabilia. Things like this are really precious to me.

[@WrightFarmhouse]

Photos and memorabilia are important to me, too. My Dad passed away a few days before I turned 27. I have my great-grandmothers tea set and cross stitch, my Granny's clock and gravy boat, and my Dad's photos and family home videos. A lot of the family home videos were on 8mm filmed by my Granny and I had them digitized and made videos to share with extended family. I also scanned all his photos and labeled them on external hard drives. These few things are ones I'll never let go of, they mean so much to me.

[@shadegarden7375]

I don’t think they are saying that Julie. My mama has been gone 5 Yrs now… I have some notes, lots of pictures, some lamps and other home stuff that I have kept and will keep that are also precious to me. Finally, now I am ready to get her clothing gone, despite the fact that it is nice Chico’s clothing…. No guilt anymore of passing it on to others who will wear those clothes.

[@marge3157]

This is the toughest thing for me. I can declutter ALL of the store bought items I have bought in a store because it's so not unique. The historical items tell my history, which makes it harder for me.

[@karens346]

I had to clean out my mothers house. She was a bit of a hoarder. She loved gadgets. Well I took all that I could to my house. Then I invited my sister, sister-in-law, and nieces. I told them to take whatever they wanted. The stuff that was left I sold a lot on EBay. This inspired me to sell my China set on EBay. Neither of my daughters wanted it. I took my mother-in-laws glassware from the 50’s. No one wanted it and I felt bad about them dumping it. So I’ve had the glassware in my China closet for 7 years. I now decided I want to move it out. Luckily, my daughter said she would like it. I don’t want to leave a lot of stuff for the family to clear when I’m gone.

[@kellieroth1710]

I'm struggling with this. Mom died almost 2 years ago and I'm feeling that guilt of decluttering her stuff. Thank you for sharing this!

[@lauramiller8332]

I love that expression, "Bin of Good Intentions." I think may of us have those. I know I do. The question I have to ask myself is, "Will I, in the foreseeable future, use the items in this bin?"

[@reneefcole2973]

Let some time pass after someone dies. Because then I think you can think clearer on what it is that you really want to keep and it's just not keeping it because you have emotions attached to it when it's emotions attached to the person and not really the item.

[@be2383]

Taking pictures of sentimental items is the method I use and it's so freeing! I rarely if ever look at those pictures but love knowing those memories are always available and don't take up any physical space.

[@tomwessling7065]

Thank you for this! I appreciate that you talk about the process of letting go and grieving. My husband and I have been responsible for cleaning out our parents homes in the past and the landing pad for many heirlooms. Now we are selling and cleaning out our vacation cabin that went through several generations of family - lots of memories! Most of our stuff from parents and grandparents our kids don't seem to want or need - we grieve that the traditions end with us, too.

[@leanneg4040]

Hi from the UK! This channel really helps me stayed focused and I've shared with my own mother. We're all trying to find satisfaction in things and hobbies and pleasures yet there's only one thing that will satisfy us fully and forever, our Creator, Father God 🙏 In 2009, my Auntie and Mum struggled when their Mum (my Grandmother) died, my Auntie in particular couldn't let go of anything and took many, many items which were simply stored in boxes or crammed on shelves and in cabinets at her house. My Grandfather struggled to downsize and when he died nine years later, there was still so much to deal with, my Mum and Auntie both trying to sort things but struggling to let go now both their parents had gone. Another 9 months after this, my Auntie died unexpectedly at a fairly young age. Now my cousins have an overwhelming journey ahead of them because turns out my Auntie was a big hoarder. And my Mum is having to drive 8 hours every few months to help them, whilst still processing the loss of her Mum, Dad and sister, plus sorting the possessions of her in laws (my other set of Grandparents). It sounds so ruthless to "get rid" of things but the "lovely items" have been nothing but a burden for the last 10 years!

[@angelaachee7933]

Perfect timing. Cleaning out my closet and going through everything. I’ve cried over and over today

[@jacoblawrence6580]

Great video! We are actually in the process of cleaning out my grandparents house. They passed several years ago and we are just now going through their things. It is an overwhelming process. They saved everything! So far we have went through one room. We have made a lot progress but still have a lot more to go through.

[@rdb4996]

Good luck! You got this.

[@glendabliss2270]

As a Christian, I find it so much easier to release things knowing that I will see my loved ones again. I also know the most precious gift my parents left me is a firm foundation for moral living! One of my favorite quotes from my Mom is “Make the best of every situation you find yourself.” My sister and I will look at each other in bad situations and remind each other by saying, “you know what Mother would say” and we both laugh! To me that is better than her fine china. I also believe all these material things will all burn away someday. Being a Christian just makes life easier in so many ways!

[@TheJojo01902]

This might be the hardest aspect of decluttering - dealing with inherited things. Great discussion, ladies! Very helpful, too. I would only add that the true first step might be to scope out the size of the entire project first, and strategize how you might tackle it.

[@meghanreid8958]

I lost my dad 20 years ago. He was only 54 and an only child. My grandmother had passed 10 years prior. I was only 23 at the time. I inherited his storage unit 🤦🏼‍♀️. My brother was too young to want any of the stuff. My dad still had a lot of stuff from my grandmother’s estate. Now 20 years later, with my own family and the overwhelming feeling of all the things in our home, I’m slowly decluttering. Yes, I’ve carried these totes and boxes with me . . . with every move and stage of life . . . Now, I’m letting go. There’s so much history, so many memories. . . I’m learning . . . I’m letting go. With each item I hold it and ask will my child want this one day, most of the time the answer is No. Thank you for posting this video as it makes me feel more comfortable letting go.

[@louhale22]

This is the hardest topic! I literally have a jar of rocks and pottery pieces my dad collected from various places the I can't let go of...6 years later 😔

[@babytexan3038]

I think that's ok if it's special to you. ❤️ For me, what helps is choosing my favorites rather than keeping absolutely everything. So if that rock collection tugs at your heart more than some other things of his, that's totally fine for it to make the cut!

[@leahsjovold8296]

You could always make a special mosaic garden stone with all the pieces your dad collected. Then you could enjoy and display them.

[@ericajohnston8247]

That sounds very special. I love to keep just 2 or 3 things that were very special and mean somthing to me and my fam that’s passed instead of a house or even room full like my mom has done … maybe I’ll send her this video 😊

[@cs4887]

That sounds super cute and important to him and to you 😊 as long as you're not drowing on his other stuff....

[@imnottsyd.]

(Just a suggestion) To visit those places and take one rock to that place. Maybe symbolic to going with your dad, and you can leave it there and it’s like he is there forever.

[@liap1293]

Thank you so much for inviting Dawn for this discussion. This video is helping me release many boxes full of my mother's & grandmother's heirlooms. I will be watching it again.

[@70chevelle54]

Thank you! I hate the guilt associated with decluttering inherited/gifted items !

[@babytexan3038]

It's my Achilles heel of decluttering!

[@mwebb3014]

This is such a great conversation between you two! The music box story made me smile and tear up! My MIL was a hoarder. The one thing my husband really wanted to keep out of the dizzying amount of stuff in her house was a pretty teapot because he remembered it being on display when their home was neat and tidy during his childhood. It now has a prominent place in our china cabinet.

[@va1445]

We have boxes and boxes of things from my in-laws that have passed away. I keep telling my husband that we should USE the nice dishes (they aren't heirloom, they were just her "fancy" dishes) because Ma would want us to enjoy them with our family, but my husband just can't get on board so they stay in a box. Bins of photos and memorabilia like military pins etc are the worst! I love the idea of honoring the things by letting them go to where they can be enjoyed rather than just sitting in storage.

[@bobchevallier8456]

Can't you make shadow boxes with photos and military pins, post cards etc?

[@juanitaglenn9042]

That's what I finally came to...if you have things that are nice or remind you of someone, use them!! If you don't use them, you don't think of them and can't appreciate them. I kept a china set my cousin gave us for mine and hub's wedding, in its box for 13 years. It was too nice to have out on a farm, with kids, etc. When we moved I almost let it go because we could barely bring anything with us but all the sudden I realized it could be our nice everyday set!! What an idea!! Now I think of my cousin and her husband and how thoughtful they are every time I eat:) Same goes for a potholder my blind grandma made me before she died. It was wonky(I mentioned the blind part😋) and I kept it tucked away for about a year before I realized I wanted to be reminded of her every day and she would not want me 'wasting' all that usefulness of a potholder. I used it til it died, died, died. It was so tattered and stained by the time I threw it out, but it still makes me smile thinking of her hunched over her material, feeling her needle and thinking of how much I might need a potholder when she's gone😍....oh one more!! I helped do flowers for my Aunt's wedding years ago. She told everyone they could take whatever decor or leftovers after the ceremonies. I took 3 tiny little vases she had had me put on the windowsills. Every spring my kids pick me the first dandelions, and I put them in those little vases all over the house. I think of my Aunt, her exuberance for beauty, and how glad I was to be allowed to help with such a special day in her life. (I was a teenager then)

[@debrahiers1073]

Oh SO true, the story telling of the items with another person is KEY to processing grief as well as making decisions regarding their belongings. “When you are ready” is great wisdom regarding the complicated answer to when is the time to tackle this loving job. Great video that incorporates boundaries as well as much grace.🌸🌿

[@j.m.7056]

Great collaboration. I am more confident now with regard to sentimental things. Thanks, ladies!

[@rockyandmiles9889]

When my Pepere passed and we needed to clear out his home, the whole family (including cousins, friends etc) got together at the home, each of us with name cards and when we said “go!” Everyone taped their name cards on the items the really wanted. If two people wanted the same item we rolled a dice or played a card game to see who won it. Everyone left with items that mattered to them and we all got to see who has what. No one felt left out or overwhelmed with too much. Happy to pass this on to others … ☺️

[@BrendaHendrickson]

Dawn ~ thank you for this! You take such care in articulating the real stuff of life, and it is much appreciated! ❤️

[@jessicabrown6943]

I love the idea of swapping out things instead of just adding to our home. If we’re not able to think of something to trade out for that item it is probably not important enough to keep. ❤️

[@daniellevilloria227]

Dawn, you’re so great at interviews! Your questions are always so spot on! Thank you for considering the journey of decluttering from so many different perspectives

[@aliceb4070]

This is SO ON POINT. I lost my mom a few months ago and have had to deal with all of the things from her estate. It's a challenge when you're in the midst of your own decluttering challenges and then, all of a sudden, you have a whole other houseful of things to deal with. For items where there were special memories or stories, I created a catalog with photos and the stories to go along with them. This was really helpful in moving family heirlooms and some of her special mementos along to other family members and friends. It was time-consuming but I felt good at the end of the process. The stories didn't get lost forever and the items found homes with people who really appreciated the item and/or the story that went along with it. This also has spurred me on to be more ruthless in my own decluttering so someone else doesn't have to do it later. Thanks so much for this video.

[@faithclaessens430]

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for sharing this. I am so emotionally burdened by other loved ones “stuff” and struggle with how I can best steward the family history and the memories for all my family for the future. There just is too much to manage In the midst of my Mom having Alzheimers. I hold her boxes of memories in my basement because she lives in a facility.

[@vegan.enlightenment]

This is an amazing topic and often the hardest for many! Thank you 😊

[@kakylong2]

When my Dad's Mom passed away the kids started with the oldest to the youngest & each got 1 item they wanted & then started over again until they all got what they wanted. Then each in law & then grandchildren. It worked out so nicely. I've always been one to want to keep everything & could not imagine getting rid of anything but through watching Dawn, Joshua, & Cas I'm not like that any more. I've been more of taking pics of items & letting the actual item go.

[@shannonmcmullen3916]

I love the response you used Dawn.....Bless and Release!!! Giving ourselves grace in these hard times is so key!! And not doing it alone! Having someone that is not emotionally attached that can comfort us but maybe even push us forward!!! The container concept is such a great rule to help us par down!! Thanks Cas for that!! Such encouragement and inspiration from both of you!! Thank you Dawn and Dawn!!!!

[@sburwell75]

My sister and I were able to clear our parents' home together. It really helped. We laughed, cried, told stories, tried to figure out who people were and we could do it at our own pace. We were both teachers so we cleared the house over two summers. We also balanced each other. I wanted to get rid of almost everything while my sister is more inclined to keep sentimental stuff. We helped each other a lot.

[@paulinelacroix1454]

Hello Dawn, I understand the need to pass things on and not feel obligated in keeping them, but is it important for us to remember that we are stewards of the past. There are many items that young people don't want right now, but just a couple of years later they feel these items are very special after all. I'm not suggesting that we keep boxes and boxes of items, but saving some really special items is a really good idea. For example, my great-nephew didn't want anything from my Mom and Dad's belongings, but three years later he told me that he was looking for a really "cool" fruit bowl for his new apartment. When I showed him the box of bows and he was thrilled. I bowl I gave him had been a wedding gift to my parent and we figured it was approximately 70 years old. I think it's important to keep some special items that might be appreciated later down the road. It's no burden to keep some of what we are sorting out - the key is to keep them organized. I have several large clear bings that are not in the way, and I'm always thrilled to pass along some items that are in them. Thank you for all your help in getting my house organized. Regards, Pauline

[@elizabethsokol2545]

"Stewards of the past". I love that.

[@jenniferb.7250]

Dawn, this was such a gift today. We recently lost my Mom and we are going for the first time this weekend to go through her house. I am dreading it but this was so helpful. I’m deeply sentimental so this is very helpful information. You were truly an answer to a prayer today.,

[@mrseliephant]

It is a blessing to be able to go through your parents things and be able to make that decision in the first place. I wish I could have had that opportunity with my dad. I do like the idea of thinking of items, telling the story, and releasing. I think for me since I was not given the choice I will try to think of things in his home and do it without the physical items.

[@ijabel3436]

Wow what timing ! I was literally just going thru boxes of this type of stuff today ! Thanks ! You inspired me to even get to this project ! LOVE your content !

[@terricarver4873]

I watch all your videos, but rarely comment. But, I figured out what to do with my own keepsakes. This is what I did: 1. Stacked EVERY keepsake I have into one stack. I got them all! (This step took a long time, making sure I had everything in one place. I used a small box to contain the stack.) 2. Divided the stack by decade, 1900-2022. 3. Used black scrapbook pages with white ink. Started with 1900-1910 and put that decade in chronological order. Then taped down that decade on the pages. Did this for each decade. 4. There 3 albums total. So, all my keepsakes are now easy to share and take up very little space. My children are thrilled!

[@joannafoster3423]

What a great conversation!

[@juliatepe5760]

The word "releasing", I like that and the idea of memory bins. Thank you both.

[@maskedmomma]

You ladies approached this topic with such grace and practicality. Well done. Thank you

[@lizziemcdougall2767]

After I decluttered the homes of my parents and in-laws, I had a very different perspective on my stuff; I knew that others would see most of the things that I had plans for and had stored as not valuable. In my experience, saving things for others or even for yourself does not work. My new approach is to give it to someone specific, donate it, or throw it out if I am not using it. I do not want to store things in my house anymore. Thanks for another great video.

[@betir5151]

My favorite time of the day!!! Right on time for The Minimal Mom Tuesday video 🤩! My life is so much better after I came across your youtube channel 2 years ago. Currently decluttering baby things. Big kisses 😘

[@MissEgyptian12]

Baby things are my weakness!

[@erindew8492]

Thank you!! Hoping to “release”my guilt soon!! 😉

[@wallflower5182]

This video sure rings some bells with me. Both of my parents are gone, as are my in-laws. I realize that many people are grieving, as you said, over items associated with their loved one. I am in no way a psychologist, but I tend to think that people have a close association with what I call 'a point of last contact' with that loved one. That could be the gravesite, or the place their life ended, the house, or the items in/from that house, especially while the grief is so raw and recent. I'm glad you show this to be a process to go through and that it can be overwhelming, not only because of the grief, but because of the magnitude of items to be decided upon. I like having a line of decision making questions/tiers to go through when dealing with these. To pick out a few meaningful things from the whole pile first, then to decide what to swap out of my own inventory in order to take this item home. And then a continuance of questioning the validity of owning an item we still keep packed away. My siblings and I are fortunate, though, that most of our childhood furniture and items which evoke familial memories were dispersed decades ago when my parents downsized in order to move. However, as they continued to live out their lives, they gained more and more things, and were overflowing with items in their last years. So the decisions to keep things were less stressful as far as emotions were concerned, and became more a practical decision than an emotional one. With my in-laws, their home and belongings had to be disbursed quickly, so most items by necessity had to go without much thought. My husband took all the clothes to a charity drop off, then started setting things out by the road, and neighbors and passersby stopped to pick up things they could use. And I'll never forget a poorly dressed fellow stopping to ask if there were any blankets he could have. Of course there were some! Some of the furniture went to a man who had to move into assisted living, and he had nothing for a livingroom. And then some relatives took other furniture to save for family members who might need something along the way. We left with an open trailer of items, some to take for ourselves, some to give to family. But the majority of the household items went to folk who could use it. My heart was happy with the decisions made.

[@ddowner77]

This was amazing. Thank you for this. I needed it.

[@marylut6077]

most of all allow time to grieve and don’t overburden yourself with trying to find the best disposition option - just do the easiest and fastest option so you have time for your emotions. First, find essential documents you must keep (see lists online) and shred unneeded papers that have identifying information and recycle other papers. And depending on estate value, hire appraiser, auction house, thrift shop owner, or do internet search to valuate everything and split evenly among the heirs based on $ (heirs taking items home will owe cash to others to make allotment even). Only select the items to take home you know you need or will use and have space for. your loved one isn’t in the item but in the stories you tell that go with the item to make it sentimental. if it sits unused in a deep cabinet or in storage it is not benefiting you practically or emotionally. Avoid selecting something for someone else unless they agree to take possession of it on a specific date in the near future, otherwise it is a ploy for you to keep it and pretend you aren’t. Avoid selecting something as a “backup” just in case. Realize lots of things lose their value over time or get spoiled in storage. storage adds a cost you didn’t have - takes up space in your home or costs commercial storage fees.

[@terrychancellor4593]

I just had to go through this the last 2 years. I lost my Dad in March 2019 and Mom in August 2020...so overwhelming. It was hard to let go but I tried to be realistic. The things I couldn't emotionally process just yet, I packed up and brought home. Yes, my home is cluttered but I am finally able to begin the process without the anxiety attached. It will take some time, but I know I'll be doing it well and lovingly without regrets.

[@simmiedavissimmiesings8185]

How did you know I needed this today? I just opened a box of photos and keepsakes and it overwhelmed me.

[@susana5052]

This is a really important post. Thank you.🙏🏻🌼🙏🏻

[@nancy4609]

I had my grandmother’s photos-a lot with people I didn’t know. I sat down with her sister who loved going through it and telling me about the people. Once she had enjoyed it (and didn’t have a place for it), I let it go. It had served a purpose giving her joy.

[@sharonnickerson2391]

great tips ladies! Thank you so much for sharing!!!

[@stephaniemoran4739]

This is really helpful. I may now be brave enough to approach my dad about all the inherited furniture and belongings of relatives who have passed that fill the rooms in his home. We will never have a need to use them and most things could be enjoyed by others 🙏

[@ArrowHillCottage]

Such a difficult category of items to deal with! Great video that I think will really help people out when faced with these tough decisions!

[@missyholz]

Every single gift given to me by my mom she expects I use and keep for my lifetime!!

[@brendafarris7350]

Sooo helpful! Great interview, great info.

[@TheGenflute]

Despite the recent shortages and supply chain issues, I wonder if past generations have passed on a need to keep things out of previous scarcity? My Dad grew up in the 20s and 30s and highly valued things and would use them until they just couldn't be used anymore. Things and stuff are so prevalent now, and Amazon will deliver an item in days. That wasn't always true. I feel like that contributed to previous generations wanting to pass on items.

[@karenrowles9788]

I 100% agree with the generational component. My 93 year old mother-in-law passed away last Saturday and tomorrow we begin the process of clearing out her house. She has lived there since 1960 and kept EVERYTHING, even her late husband’s belongings. She wouldn’t let anyone touch anything and her house is a hoarder nightmare. Wish me luck😳

[@TheGenflute]

@@karenrowles9788 oh my gosh! Good luck and take little breaks! 93 is an impressive long life!

[@karenrowles9788]

@@TheGenflute thank you! We’ve already rented a dumpster and scheduled a mobile document shredder so off to a good start.

[@noamibrenneman5546]

Thanks for the freedom to let go of sentimental things. Just went thru cleaning out my in-laws estate. It was a complicated process for several reasons, but we made it through. We still have a large box of photos, so that process is still ahead of us.

[@tgayer1]

This was so helpful, thank you! Ironic that you mentioned a music box. A music box is one of our treasured family heirlooms. My grandpa’s uncle sent it to his family when he was young, and my grandpa would play it on special occasions, or whenever we would ask him to. Long before my grandparents passed away, he put his name on it and let it be known that he wanted that. He loves it and treasures it. And I think I have the original shipping crate at my house.

[@corrinevictoria6581]

wow this is so helpful! my dad passed in January 2020 and we still have not gone through his items… this has definitely dawned on me to start looking through his items.

[@katielisti6273]

Thank you for this video! This is a big issue for me!

[@rachelriddle8387]

This has been very helpful. I have been living with my aunt for several years now taking care of her. We're fixing to move her into a home because she needs more in depth care. I'm gonna be going through most of her stuff.

[@09Klatu]

This was great, I’m inspired to clean it up!

[@sherrymonk286]

What a great idea of a photo book with written documentation of why its important.

[@lizlovesjazz]

My mom also had a big collection of cards (she always remembered everyone’s bdays and all occasions and always sent us a nice note in them). After her passing I took the cards and used them to send to my siblings, nieces, nephews and daughters during bdays and other special occasions. It was special for them as well because they knew those cards had been from my mom’s collection so it was like she was there to celebrate with them.

[@luvmusic540]

In December my mom let go of the piano she’s had since she was only 12. She lives with me, and although we’d talked about letting it go for years, it always seemed too hard, for sentimental reasons. But she finally did it, and we bought a smaller, digital Clavinova for each other for Christmas. We love it! The old piano is not missed, and that surprises me. Feels like a weight lifted off me. ❤

[@lisamorris3248]

Thank you so much for this video.

[@sarahjustice2416]

Love this - thank you! X

[@smilesobig6277]

In 2017 my Mom passed away and I had the task of going through her townhome. God gave me the grace to do it but I went through so many emotions and questions along the way. I took my time and stopped to grieve many times. Dawn, I liked what you said about memories tied to things. Underneath, I think I had fear that if I parted with her things I would be giving “her” away. And then I wouldn’t have her anymore. It was actually very emotionally freeing to go through her stuff methodically by dealing with these underlying emotions. I was able to let go of many things and I don’t regret any of it. I still however have some paperwork I still haven’t dealt with yet, but that is why I am subscribed to you and listened to this vid. I need inspiration and you both were sooo inspiring for me to tackle some of the remaining things. Thank you!!

[@karenbaker5482]

I inherited mom's buffet. It took up so much space in my dining room. I purchased a big tv, needing a new tv stand, I removed the legs from the buffet and turned it into tv stand. Still the memory but now useful.

[@angelasnodgrass6621]

Great video thank you so much.

[@ramonawhisenant2045]

Thanks for the good ideas!!

[@shaunadumelle1624]

Dawn, I've been wanting to mention this the past few videos, your skin is looking so so good! I don't know if you've changed anything, but I thought I'd comment ♡

[@waltersmith5592]

Hi 👋 Shauna how are you doing?

[@sky02148]

I recently inherited my moms estate and had my own apartment full if furniture but where her stuff was already in they house I had told my family to come to her house and pick what they wanted, in the mean time it took me 2 years to get rid of all of my stuff because her stiff was somewhat new due to a fire at they family home that I grew up in and caused her to buy a new house and all new stuff just 5 years before she passed away so it was easy to donate and throw my stuff away. That was 3 years ago and I still haven't gotten rid of her stuff that I don't need I am still having a hard time with it. I need help getting rid of stuff I don't need because it was hers. Thank for sharing and as always stay safe and God bless love ya Nancy

[@robertkrismeyer5783]

In June of 2018 my siblings and I spent the whole month going thru and donating, giving away and selling the items in our Mom's house. She had passed in late November of 2017. It helped that it was 6 months later and that we all stayed together at her house. Three of us lived in different states and we all still worked, 2 in school systems, 1 a travel nurse. It was a very hard job and there was a lot of tears, especially between my sister and I, but also a lot of laughter between the 4 of us remembering her and our Dad. It also motivated all of us to declutter our own houses when we got back home. None of us wanted our kids to have to do what we had to do. We were all in our 60's and 70's at the time.