#Dementia

How To Stop The 4 Most Common Challenging Behaviors - Free 3 Day Workshop Sep 17-19 @ 7:30pm ET (Each Day) on Zoom - Sign up here:
dementiasucces...
We'll be covering how to deal with Refusals, Accusations, "I Want to Go Home", and Sundowning (and answering your questions on all the other challenges like how to get them to shower, what to do about hallucinations / delusions, and more.)
Thanks for watching!

[@dementiasuccesspath2239]

How To Stop The 4 Most Common Challenging Behaviors - Free 3 Day Workshop Sep 17-19 @ 7:30pm ET (Each Day) on Zoom - Sign up here: dementiasuccesspath.com/how-to-stop-the-4-most-common-challenging-behaviors-sep24yt

[@tempestjewel]

Grandpa is always asking when the last time he saw mom or where dad was. Grandma just named the Cemetery and he gets quiet and thinks about it sometimes he'll ask a few more questions and other times he doesn't really pursue it. It's one of the sadder moments for me.

[@jocelynsmyth6604]

My Grandpa would list people for as long as he could... the list got shorter as the dementia and his age progressed. The most important thing we always found was to be kind - I miss my Grandpa every day, it's been three years since he passed I am still not over it. I wish you the best of luck with all the sad and frustrating parts, I know how you feel ❤

[@FIRING_BLIND]

That's a pretty good way for her to answer though. It's very grounding, I'd assume. Really highlights for him that his memory is faltering. Which is sad, but I feel like he has a right to be aware so he can be sure to really enjoy the lucid moments

[@tempestjewel]

@@jocelynsmyth6604 thank you

[@tempestjewel]

@@FIRING_BLIND yeah that is true

[@meghansullivan6812]

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

[@elainaholway910]

My nana asked where her husband was so often, and telling her he was on vacation or at work would never satisfy her and telling her that he had died 12 years ago only made her agitated and angry that we didn’t tell her. I made a little shadow box with the program from his memorial service, a photo of him from their wedding and a photo of them the year he died, and I placed it next to the chair she always wanted to sit in. It helped so much, because it was a steady but gentle reminder

[@schaynegeorge4793]

My great-gran was really confused towards the end (not dementia, but in the last week of her life she just couldn't hold on to time and memories). For context, gran's daughter-in-law, my great-aunt, passed a decade ago. Great-aunt's daughter went to visit gran and gran originally called her by aunt's name. After a bit gran cleared up enough to recognise cousin and asked where her mother was. Cousin answered "you saw her a few days ago" and showed her a photo of gran with her son visiting aunt's grave. Gran sat there for a moment contemplating it, nodded and said "ah. Do you have anything you want me to tell her when I see her next?"

[@saraneumeyer1489]

My grandma just about lost every bit of her mind twords the end. She would always be calling my grandpa's name. We would have to remind her that he passed, but every time she would break down crying. Her brain made her like a child in some ways in others not so much. I wonder if this would have helped her.

[@josettelecoquette8997]

@@schaynegeorge4793wow! This is 🥺🥹 at the same time♥️

[@josettelecoquette8997]

Such a lovely idea! 🥰

[@Hermit_frog22]

@@schaynegeorge4793 one of those moments where someone knows they’re going soon. I hope you and your family are doing good, and that your gran is happy wherever she is.

[@bettinahooper5344]

My dad with Alzheimer’s used to ask if anyone knew where his car keys were so he could drive to see his parents and dog. His dog died in 1959 and his parents in 1990. He would get really agitated. Sometimes I’d tell him that he had let one of the kids borrow his 1957 Chevy and they’d be back soon. Other times, we would remind him that we were on a Caribbean island, point to our beach and the sea beyond and tell him we’d get him a flight home but it would take a couple of days. It worked EVERY time. As for my mom, we told him precisely once that she had died and he mourned all over again. It was awful. After that, we told him she had gone out to buy a dress or get her hair done for a dinner party they were going to that night. “ She’ll be home in an hour or two. Why don’t we settle you in for a nap before you have to get ready?” Reset.

[@b.m.t.h.3961]

I work on a dementia ward, and find that telling the patients that their loved ones are dead causes more misery. They either get angry and disbelieve me , or become distraught. Telling them they're out on an errand ie shopping works really well

[@DisplacedUnderDog]

​@@b.m.t.h.3961dude. Same. When my dad passed, my grandparents came down immediately after the news. My grandfather has dementia. It was so hard. Luckily, I had 7 years experience in a memory care clinic lockdown unit. When he thought my dad's house was the family lake house my dad helped him build, I just asked questions politely and listened to the family history before I was even a thought. ❤❤ He only remembers me, because I play the violin and sang in our church choir, so when I sing for him or play for him, he smiles and calls me "potato bug" his nickname for me when I was a kid. He really only remembers "potato bug", never my name, just a granddaughter that played the violin and sang in our church, it's the music I think he remembers most, not all songs bring him back, only a select few. My grandmother on my mom's side got dementia really bad before she passed. She thought I was one of her sister's that she didn't particularly care for. Boy... The family history from her exploding on me a few times was fascinating. I would stand there and just let her vent, it was verbal, and when she was done, I'd show her some of the things I sewed or current projects I was working on. That was our thing we did together and something she greatly enjoyed. She would calm down and come out of the "dog" for a moment or two, not realizing what she had said prior. Made my aunt really uncomfortable a few times, but I didn't mind, because I already knew what it wasn't directed at me and if you tried to tell her I wasn't that sister, because she had passed in the late 1950's, she wouldn't believe it and it would get worse. It was not good for HER, because of how worked up she would get to prove that she wasn't "crazy" or a "liar", so it was best not to push the issue and let her speak her peace then move on. Hours before she passed, I had a FaceTime call with her and I already had a sewing project on my dress form to show her and talk to her about and asked her questions about it. She had been non-verbal for a few weeks up to this point. She gave some advice, said she loved me and my kids and would see us later. My mom, aunt and cousin were in the room with her and were able to get verbal goodbye's from her as well and later that night, she peacefully passed in her sleep. Sometimes it is better to not fight, or to redirect. Sometimes it is okay to "tell the truth". All depends on the person.

[@strydermclean]

@@b.m.t.h.3961yeah same, I would never tell them their family is gone was not my place, easier to say they have gone out to get groceries and they’ll be back soon

[@silver-berry]

Thank you for giving these kindnesses.

[@stormwarning6219]

It really does depend on the person. Everyone experiences dementia differently. Some only show symptoms at certain times. I worked with a resident who had severe agitation in the morning, but seemed entirely fine at night. My co-worker I handed over to at night always forgot they had it. Some will draw comfort from placating, others need the truth. It's always a matter of taking the time to find out how to help them best, and that can even change for different levels of confusion or agitation.

[@lilyayora]

This really depends on the stage of dementia a person is in. There are cases where you get to a point where the patiënt asks this question daily, or even multiple times per day, and is stricken with grief every time. I'm 100% for treating a person with respect and like a capable human, but with dementia there does often come a point where it's wiser to redirect...

[@mikki_s1100]

For sure, I think that’s why it says some days someone with dementia might need the truth, and other times they need a lie

[@dovie2blue]

Absolutely true. It serves no purpose to make them go through it over and over.

[@mikki_s1100]

@@dovie2blue this specific scenario is just about the only time it’s appropriate. But in this situation the person knew something bad happened, they couldn’t remember what, and not knowing and being lied to was more upsetting because they knew that wasn’t the truth.

[@amoureux6502]

There's a part 1 to this video where she demonstrates what to do if they don't believe their parents are dead.

[@b.m.t.h.3961]

Yes, its actually cruel to keep reminding them of their loss

[@brittanymiller4671]

I worked in the kitchen at a place that had residents with dementia, one lady who had it had lost her young adult niece who was like a daughter to her many years ago and she talked about her all the time and knew she had passed away in a terrible car accident. Late one night I was all alone and she came into the kitchen asking me if I had seen her niece😢 because she claimed she talked to her earlier and told her she was coming to visit after work around 8.. I didn't have an training on how to react to dementia but I knew to not try and upset them with something harsh they weren't aware of at the moment. I told her no I hadn't seen her but it was only 8:15 so maybe just go to her room and hang out and I'm sure she would call or show up soon. She agreed and about 5 minutes later she came back to me asking the same thing not remembering she had already spoken to me, she did this a few more times then she came to me asking if I had a phone charger because she couldn't find hers and she was expecting a phone call from her niece. I gave her my spare charger in my car, then she came back again asking for a charger for the same reason. I felt awful because I knew she couldn't help it but I didn't have another charger. I called a nurse to come help because I didn't know how to handle the situation without upsetting and confusing her. The nurse was completely unprofessional and mean. She came and said why do you need a charger and she told her she was expecting her niece to visit an hour ago or at least call to tell her she wasn't coming and she was worried. The nurse snapped at her and said your brain is fried, you already got given a charger(something I had quietly told the nurse) and your niece has been dead for 30 years telling her she was ignorant. (I was in shock at how cruel she was being and was studdering my words trying to think of what I could say to better the situation) The resident immediately told the nurse she was a lying bit** and why would she say something so awful and started yelling and crying no it's not true, she had about 5%battery left and opened up a video of someone recording an old answering machine of a message from the niece saying "hey Aunt *****, I get off of work at **7:30** and I'm going to come by tonight. I lovvvvveee you" The nurse just acted like she didn't have time for it told her that was the last message she had from her niece but she never made it to your house, she got into a car wreck and died that night and that's why you have that tattoo with her name, birth year, angel wings, and her death year then turned to me and said don't worry she'll forget this whole conversation by morning. I was completely stunned at how cruel she was. The resident looked at her tattoo very confused and started shaking before letting out a blood-cuddling scream only a heartbreak could cause over and over again falling to her knees. The nurse just rolled her eyes and told her to get to her room and go to bed and walked away saying i got shi* to do, im off in 20mins. I helped the woman up and helped her back to her bed and told her everything will be okay. She just continuously cried. Eventually she fell asleep. The next morning I turned the nurse in for it and for 2 solid weeks after the resident did not come to the dinning hall and requested meals to her room. I would bring them to her and she would hardly eat and stayed in bed. One of the cruelest things I had personally ever seen happen to a person with dementia.

[@Visitkarte]

What a horrible thing to do! I hope that nurse was sacked! I am appalled!

[@Loves2laugh15]

That’s awful. I’m so sorry that lady went through that. I’m glad you reported her.

[@evadebruijn]

There are nurses like this everywhere, they should not be working with people especially not people in such vulnerable states. I am so sorry you met one of them. 🤗

[@Getajobkid]

How could someone so cruel work with people who need so much love & help? I'm glad you were there to help the resident, how awful.

[@orangesnowflake3769]

That is terrible! Also, very emotional things are encoded differently in the brain than regular memories, so no she did not forget about it the next day, it would take much longer

[@Zolwena]

I will never forget the time I worked in a nursing home and this one woman was crying and looking for her Mom and we used this technique, they called it reality reorientation. So I asked her when was the last time she saw her Mom and she said at breakfast, then I asked if your Mom was alive how old would she be and she just looked at me confused and started crying harder. Then I heard someone walking down the hallway at the home calling her by her name and lo and behold it was her Mom! Her Mom was in her late 90's! I felt awful.

[@disneyprincessintraining2725]

Don’t beat yourself up! We’ve all been there! If you’re not sure, ask around and get to know the reality before saying or doing anything with a patient! I cared for a 109 year old woman and her daughter definitely wasn’t believed every time when she said she still had her mother (daughter was in her 80's)!

[@velcro-is-a-rip-off]

Mom won't accept having dementia, unfortunately. But she does still remember things like that. God this disease is so awful. Sending love and strength to anyone experiencing this with their loved one ❤

[@sparkmate87]

A friends grandma has dementia too. She is over 90 years old and remember many about WW2. She lives in a senior residence and don't eat all of her honey or marmelade for breakfast. They are served in that little "1 portion container". She collect them in her room and when my friend visit her she give them to her with the advice to keep them so they have something sweet and with energy when they have to flee. She thinks there is a war coming soon and we have to flee.

[@meghansullivan6812]

Ohhh im sorry :(

[@ari-sl3to]

its the same thing with someone ive taken care of in my family

[@williamsimpson82]

I’m here with ya stay strong

[@kayhey3426]

This is GOOD advice. When they can handle the news, give it to them. Too many people tell happy lies in an effort to keep the person from sorrow, but it just makes them anxious, worried and/or scared. When the lies are upsetting them, give them the truth. It's okay.

[@AlixDaAxo]

Thanks. I had some neighbors who went to a nursing home. Their kids sold their house and made them go to a nursing home, and then when one of them died the other one kept asking where they were… :(

[@colleengallo4831]

Be as truthful as being kind will allow.

[@Curiousitymatters]

I agree if they are with it enough to know they are being lied to…

[@tinaslater703]

After grandpa passed, I always recalled things that my grandfather did regularly. I would tell grandma, He's eating some soup or watching gun smoke or taking his daily walk. This seemed to satisfy her as it was good enough to know her husband was safe. Sometimes the confusion wasn't worth it. I hope God forgives me for trying to make my grandmother's path easier

[@Pamela-cn3pm]

I'm sure he cares enough about both of you to understand. ❤

[@zubetp]

god's much more capable of nuance these days than people tend to give him credit for. he has infinite wisdom and he's familiar with dementia. you told her these things not to mislead her or to control her, but to spare her pain that won't accomplish anything. this truth could not give her clarity because she wasn't capable of clarity anymore. it wouldn't show her respect because you'd be expecting her to meet you on a level she can't reach. it wouldn't maintain your integrity because you'd merely be the deliverer of heartache. you were meeting her on her level and showing her the clarity she was capable of having: remembering him laughing about the worst soup he's ever had or talking about the best episode of gunsmoke. in heaven, she remembers the hundreds of times you soothed her worries by giving her her husband back, and she's grateful to you for it. i believe god sees more value in the human capacity for patience and empathy than in pointless truths.

[@MelanieDSilva]

If those were things he enjoyed in life, maybe you were right. He's probably up there eating his soup and watching Gunsmoke 🤗

[@jeaniedeveau164]

In my dad's lucid moments he always wanted the gentle truth. He knew what was happening and wanted me to be real with him no matter what as long as him and I would be safe. I say it that way because he could get really emotional and show anger.

[@bunniiluvin]

She wasn’t really my grandma but basically was a mother figure to me. I cared for her in her old age and she cried for her mom every day. Her mom was abusive and neglectful and she still cried for her every day. Sometimes I was her mom and was able to comfort her or took all the pain she felt. I hope she’s in heaven at peace now

[@mikki_s1100]

For folks who are commenting why you shouldn’t do this, its only for when the person with dementia doesn’t accept the lie about what happened, they remember something bad happened (but not what) and want the truth. Only in this instance is this helpful, part 1 shows when you should lie instead, which is most often what’s needed

[@kshot1999]

This is what my grandparents started doing to my great-grandpa when his wife passed away. He would ask where she was multiple times a day because of his Alzheimers and would get sad and cry every time when they said she passed. Their solution was to ask him “Well, where’d you leave her??” And his response would always be “I think at the coffee shop 😅” No tears, and he would always joke a little afterwards too. I miss them both very much ❤

[@emmicah7720]

I like that these were back to back parts. Dementia isn't linear! One day they may be able to handle the truth, the next day they may need to be told something that isn't reality. Your videos are great tools to help those caring for loved ones with Dementia figure out what their loved ones need ❤

[@pikapup8276]

At my work this is hit or miss, it also depends on the person and the severity of dementia that the person has 😢

[@emmicah7720]

@@pikapup8276 like Dementia itself, no one technique or intervention is a one-size-fits-all approach, nor will any one technique work for every patient. It also doesn't mean that a technique is ineffective just because it didn't work with one person (for example, redirection does not work with every Dementia patient, but it's still commonly used). That being said, these videos this creator puts out are at least a resource and are something that caregivers can try, which is sorely needed as most get the Dementia diagnosis for their loved one and then are left to figure the rest out themselves (something I've seen far too often in my career in Geriatric medicine).

[@CamilleCeleste-td5bo]

Thank you for sharing your gleaned wisdom ~~you bless & help many✨🌹✨

[@disneyprincessintraining2725]

I did hospice, and I had a patient who went through this regarding her husband. He had died relatively recently and before that he visited her every day and she still remembered him and when he was supposed to come. There were even times she would say, “he died, didn’t he? He wouldn’t stop coming otherwise.” I tried redirecting a few times, it never worked. She was very sad every time I had to tell her but it seemed to reassure her the most because for her at least he didn’t just stop coming. It broke my heart but I’m glad those two loved each other so much

[@gretchenfalken3958]

My mother asked me if her mother died I said yes quite a few years before. She said that’s what she thought. She didn’t seem upset more resigned than anything.

[@itzrainbowdragon]

My grandmother only had early dementia when she had passed but was starting to progress quite quickly. Luckily she still knew who everyone was, even the babies of the family that she hadn’t met in person. Her getting the diagnosis was absolutely scary and confusing. One day I went to school which was in another town and I always would let her know where I was going and called her every time I had the chance throughout the day to keep a check on her because at the time I was the only one caring for her. If she didn’t answer the phone I’d call my mom or brother to go to her house and tell me if she was sleeping and/or ok. I kissed her forehead before leaving and said “ok granny I’m off to school I’ll call you after my first class. Let me know if you need anything” In the middle of the class she was texting me, completely stressed cause she had no idea where I was and upset that I was ignoring her messages. I excused myself out of class and gave her a call and said “granny I had school today.. remember? I always tell you where I go and you know I’d never ignore you” And she said “no! I didn’t know that! And if you’re going to keep doing this to me I’ll find someone else to take care of me! You are always leaving and not telling me and I’m alone” Then my mom would call me upset because my granny had called her saying I was ignoring her and left without saying anything. A few weeks later my granny just casually mentioned that she had dementia and cracked a joke about having bad memory and how one of the symptoms was meanness “I have de-mean-tia that means I’ll get ya and won’t remember it hahaha” So my occasional phone calls to her throughout the day at school turned in to “Hey granny I made it to school safe.” “Do need anything when I leave school?” “I’m going to another class now” “Do I need to come home early?” “I usually sit in the library waiting for my next class but if you need something I can save time by going to get it now” “Did you remember your medicine?” “Don’t forget you need to eat for that one medicine the doctor gave you.” “I’m leaving school now” “I’m almost home are you sure you don’t need anything?” “I’m in the driveway now” Then a couple months after that I dropped out of college She was having nightmares about my major and I was already doing poorly in school cause I found it hard to balance school and caring for her. I never could find the time to do my homework and when I did she saw it as me just sitting around on my laptop (she couldn’t remember I had homework half the time, just knew she needed things around the house done)

[@mrswiggles4790]

Sounds like a really trying time for all involved. May she rest in peace. I hope you were able to resume college or pursue your passion.

[@Nirrrina]

Sounds like you were the absolute best granddaughter you could be. I'm sorry you had to drop out of school for her. I hope you found something better or were able to go back.

[@thalia7104]

My Grandpa (father of my Dad) always asked where my Grandma was (she died because of cancer). In the beginning, my aunts always told him the truth, which was very stressful for him, and he was very upset. Then they said, "She's taking a nap." This was much better for him, he didn't worry. This was in the late 80s and beginning of the 90s. He died at age 91 (born 1898). I was about 12 years old when this took place, but I still remember the difference concerning him worrying about my Grandma, and him not worrying about my Grams. ❤❤❤

[@DaisyLee1963]

As a newer nurse, I remember that I had to get over my anxiety about gently reminding my patients with dementia that they had dementia and that it made it hard for them to remember things. Generally, though, simple, direct honesty is the best aporoach, and builds trust between caregiver and patient. Your videos are excellent. Thank you for teaching skills that are really helpful. ❤

[@Mary-cz5nl]

I don't tell him he has alxhiemers, I tell him OUR remember-ers are getting a bit iffy-er

[@Ax-xo4ux]

My dads mom is like this- but we have to say “oh he’ll come next time” cause it’s her son (my dad) who’s gone. She forgets by the next visit that anything was said

[@kimwilliamson389]

That was always the hardest thing for me. I would tell my mom "I never got to meet her. Tell me what she was like." That would distract her and help her to remember that her mom was long passed.

[@whomiswhowespeaktobutwhoiswhom]

This made me cry. It runs in my family and I’m terrified this will be me one day. The thought of not remembering my parents is just so devastating to me. Sorry I made this all about me.

[@99zorba]

Apparently cutting out all carbs and following a carnivore diet staves off dementia. Look into it. You can't change your genetics but you can change your lifestyle.

[@lisakeller9105]

Most of what we worry about never happens.

[@celiarosell4638]

You give useful answers to difficult questions. In fact, you show us how the minds affected with dementia actually work. Thank you.

[@opreciousgemo]

I just wish i had your channel when mom was in her late stages. We tried so hard but your content would have helped us so much. We hold so much guilt for not having grace at times. Even though we were doing the best we could and didn't know about caregiver burn out. I was night shift and before I figured out her Ambien was causing a lot of sleep walking and dream like states while awake, I would just pretend we were having a sleepover and had to get back in bed before the adults heard us and we got in trouble (she would regress to primary school age a lot) we would giggle and tell stories and talk about kid stuff until shed fall back asleep. I know its not relevant to this specific short but I am happy to know your content is reaching others that may be dealing with their loved ones' dementia journey

[@JP2GiannaT]

My great aunt tried to leave once saying, "my mom wants me home" we told her, "your mom knows you're eating lunch with us" and it worked.

[@jasminedavis3030]

My cousins tried lying to my great aunt about my great uncle's whereabouts (he passed from lung cancer years before her dementia diagnosis), but she started getting angry and frustrated when she asked to see him and they kept telling her sje couldn't see him yet. Her at-home care nurse got fed up to the point she sat my great aunt down and explained he'd passed away from lung cancer & my great aunt took it really well talking about how she'd been begging my great uncle to quit for years especially after my grandfather died from the same thing years before that. The nurse then told my cousins to stop lying to her, that while she might be losing her memory and confused, lying would only agitate her further.

[@Nech0le]

My mom is having issues & not correcting her but just hearing her out helps keeps everyone calm. Sometimes she redirects herself

[@leianahope4831]

❤

[@lashanichol]

I had a lady in the memory care unit ask where her parents were occasionally and also thought she was a teenager. I would sometimes tell her lets go touch up our makeup or run to the bathroom together and when she would see herself in the mirror she would laugh and say "I must be a lot older". I would ask what year she was born and when she told me I would tell her what the date and year was now. She would then say "Oh so that would make me 70 something, so my parents must be dead". I would say "Yes, Im sorry" and she would smile and say "These things happen" and then she would tell me about her parents. That happened multiple times, but worked for her. She was so sweet.

[@RareInTheHistory]

My mom is a retired RN who mostly worked for an assisted living & nursing home. She was constantly educating the staff to choose carefully what and when they tell the residents about things like this. Some would drop the news of the partner's or other loved one's death at every inquiry, sometimes multiple times per day, and the resident would be grieving all over again. So many resisted "lying" to the resident when told to say something like "oh they went out for a bit but will be back later." Most of the time, the resident would be content with that answer and go about their day. It's not lying to soothe a dementia patient like that nor to play along with the memories when it puts the client at ease. Yes, sometimes they are lucid enough to need the real answer, but many times they just need soothing & reassurance.

[@jessicamcwilliams3346]

My grandma was convinced that my grandpa left her for his other family after he died. About 6 years later I got to tell my mom she had a half sister.

[@plainmarienc]

When my MIL was in a nursing home/memory unit, my FIL kept making the mistake if saying, well, I have to go home now, " and would get so upset, saying,"you're always lying and leaving me" and thinking he was her first husband who was a cheating snake. It was heartbreaking to see her get so upset. My FIL could have said it so differently to spare her that

[@jessicamcwilliams3346]

@@plainmarienc thats sad, demitia sucks.

[@KatE-jh2fn]

My Mom and I had a loop one Christmas of her asking to call her parents and me telling her that had passed a long time ago. I finally managed to distract her, and we moved on.

[@atable2505]

I appreciate this video especially, because I always wondered whether you should just lie since usually the straight up truth doesn’t go well

[@junbh2]

I think sometimes lying or saying something vague is better. But I guess not always. It seems like here she is half remembering, and not telling her is just making her anxious.

[@kayhey3426]

If the lies aren't believed, you'll just make her anxious. I had a woman who thought she'd get disappeared, too. When she was reminded that her husband was dead, she calmed down. Sometimes it is better to lie, other times not. You have to get a feel for your person and go with what works that day...hour...or minute. We do our best. It's never perfect and there are no ALL THE TIME answers. ❤

[@rubyharris4422]

When my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers we discussed what she wanted from me if this happened, which it did. I always told her the truth as carefully as I could. I'm not saying it is the answer for everyone but it was the right way for us.

[@Carly.rae97]

I’m a care aid and your content is so wonderful! Very helpful for those who don’t have the training but still have to care for dementia patients. 💖❤️

[@robertawalsh2995]

There was a lady who came to my cancer support group with her caregiver. Every week each of us would share a bit of news with the group and she shared a photo of her new dog. The group admired her "new" dog every week until she passed.

[@thecfromthecave9100]

My g'ma and g'pa are starting to show signs of dementia/Alzheimer's and this channel has really helped me understand and help, thank you for doing what you do

[@dalphonhamilton9980]

Extremely realistic convo. Had the same convo with my uncle about his deceased wife and daughter. He couldn't remember either's funeral and I had to give him a full recap of each funeral.😢

[@pennyfield5414]

Our mum freaked out when we told her she had dementia; she was terrified. The fear on her face was gut-wrenching. We never used the word again, just said she was a little forgetful, which she could accept.

[@Ocean-blvd.]

I almost always tell my residents that they have dementia, unless they cannot handle it. Then to prove it I tell them facts I know about them, even though they don’t remember me. Once I am able to convey a message to them they’ll ask where their parents are or why they are in a nursing facility. And I explain to them that their parents had passed and I tell them their age and where they are. I tell them that I care for them because they have a hard time caring for themselves so I am always there to assist them. I then have regular conversations with them and get them snacks. It can get quite repetitive but I have to remind myself that to them it is a whole new conversation, and them being happy and having their questions answered is a big deal to me.

[@KaleyKuhns-vb7gg]

My grandma has Alzheimer’s and when ever she asked questions like that my family can not tell her she has Alzheimer’s because she will get angry and I don’t know what to do

[@Pamela-cn3pm]

It appears you have made a good start by watching videos and seeking resources for help. ❤

[@mndlgh]

This MIGHT be appropriate for early stage dementia because telling a dementia patient their parents are actually dead is willlllllld.

[@bethanyhanna9464]

My dad passed in 99, her parents passed in the 40s and early 70s. They were always "upstairs taking a nap", or "at work" and "would be home soon" when it came up. I tried telling her the truth, but then she'd grieve each of them over again, as if it had just happened. By the time she had passed, all of her siblings, and some of her nieces and nephews were gone too. I just encouraged her to continue writing letters to them. And when "calling" them, the line was always "busy" until she'd forget again. I would be honest during her moments of lucidity. But when she was in the middle of a loop, it didn't help, but really did hurt to be honest.

[@baumeister5705]

More lucid moments happen, it’s scary but also neat

[@cr4zysh4dez]

I don’t have dementia, but a lot of memory loss and cognitive issues from schizophrenia and years of different treatments and medications. The emotional grief that comes with delayed/repeated/degenerating emotional process is awful. Some days I feel decades younger than my friends. I look around for my mom like I’m a kid and am shocked when she’s only an inch taller now. I forget some people are no longer in my life. I forget some old friends/partners have moved on and don’t need/think about me. It can be scary and lonely: I understand the agitation and frustration that dementia and Alzheimer’s patients feel. When I’m in the hospital and the psych team is not honest about stuff like this videos content; it makes me/other patients feel very small. And that makes big feelings. I’m thankful I was able to graduate college and spend a few years working in healthcare before my own disabilities caught up with me. Now I am not able to work; but I get by helping some family friends who are elderly in memory care :) they never judge me or make fun of me.

[@CrazyMama75]

When I was a teenager, we had an elderly neighbour who's dementia got so much worse after his wife died, he also had PTSD from the Vietnamese war where he also caught malaria which would flare every few months. I'd go by his home after school everyday to make dinner, play cards, listen to his stories and give him company (his family were just waiting for him to pass to get his money, they were so mean to him). It would be roughly every 3/4months when he'd come running to me in a panic when I opened his door, asking where his wife was and he'd have to relive that shock and grief every time. It was always worst if this forgetful grief times would coincide with a malaria flare up or ptsd flashbacks (we put alot of support plans in place for bonfires night and new years eve, to help him through, the main aspect being a sedative from his Dr so he could sleep through the worst of the evening). I learnt its best to work with them and what memories and emotions they have rather than to infantalise them. His progression of the dementia was slow, nearly a decade until he had to go into a care home for his own safety, so when my Gran found out she had dementia I thought we'd have time. But with her it was less than five years from diagnosis til she passed and she was such a shadow of herself, like a little child so scared of everyone except me, and I think that was only cos I looked like her childhood school friend so she felt she knew me. So I actively do activities, healthy eating and mental games, to try to prevent dementia for as long as possible.

[@tatianaseibel1544]

I use to work at the care home before become a Mom to my 4 beautiful children in Germany , most of the elderly have lived through world war ll. I always loved them and respected them very much most patients with dementia or Alzheimer have forgotten the names of their family members couldn’t recognize them but they never forgot what happened to them during the world war ll. They would tell me some of their memories I always have had sympathy for them to stay longer and give them more attention.Now after 20 years I just finished my course as therapeutic Musician in carehomes . I have great joy playing for elderly their peace joy and excitement when they see me coming with my Harp . Respect our elders they are the reason we have it good here . ❤️🙏🏻

[@woods2587]

My grandma had dementia and her kids decided she was too far gone to handle being told of her husbands passing. We were at my grandfather's viewing when my aunt came walking in with grandma, and no.. nobody had told grandma he passed. The screams coming from that chapel are something I will never forget. She passed shortly thereafter.

[@maggie-kate2003]

My husband’s grandfather has dementia and when we visit he always thinks my husband is his son. He had three kids, my mother in law was the middle child and only girl. We visited a few months ago and was trying to list his relatives and said my husband was his son. When his wife corrected him and said, “This is your grandson. He is Susan’s son. JJ is your other son,” and showed him a picture of his kids, he just said, “No, I don’t have a son named JJ. I don’t know a JJ. Who’s JJ?” It broke everyone’s heart that he had forgotten his own son. But shortly after that he started remembering and then got frustrated at himself for forgetting. When he has moments that he is more aware, he actually knows he has dementia and can recall questions that he has asks when he can’t remember things.

[@adrienbeeatingpeaches9916]

My grandpa loved his sister dearly, he had dementia but he always remembered and thought of her. She passed away and no one told him. Many were worried it would send him spiraling and everyone with access to him was told not to say a thing. Weeks later he suddenly fell ill, was in ICU struggling in and out. Doctors said it wasn’t likely he’d recover and if he did he’d be coming back weaker than ever. My family finally told him about his sister and everyone who was in the room said he finally looked relaxed. He shed a tear and was gone. That man was willing to fight for his sister till the very end. Know when to be honest and when to redirect. Sometimes there’s some truths people need to hear and know. ❤

[@ThePublicHealthHeaux]

Perfect example of why I love these videos. It’s soooo humanizing snd exsctly how I hope to be treated if I ever start losing my memory

[@holliemichailidis2951]

This can backfire. In our care facility it was a major no, no. But then again we weren't seen as family. Except one thought I was her nurse. She would always have a big smile. And would say "I must have done something right to have my niece visit me all the time". But trial and error.

[@CasperrR67]

I was a live in care giver for my grandmother in her last days and the caregivers that would come in so that i could get a break thought they were helping when theyd tell her her husband was at the grocery store. They didnt realize she had bpd and that since they were always together before he passed shed think he abandond her in a place with random strangers. I always surprised them when i simply told her the truth, that he passed away 2 years ago. She always took the truth like a champ, anything else caused her distress.

[@marthacherry5]

It has been a while since your videos showed up for me…. Sadly, mom’s condition has been fast and now she does laugh from time to time or even talk gibberish in her sleep but other than that is a routine of getting her up, bath, diaper, make her smoothies, diaper, sleep. This last year has been a train wreck and although she is still here, she’s not. I miss her. Thank you for you content tho, it was a big big help for a couple of months ❤ Much love to you and to other people who are in a similar or same situations. Is hard and it does take a toll on everyone involved, but work through it, find a system and cry as often as you need. It’s ok. There’s no absolute guide nor way to go through this but you got this and you are doing great everyday

[@EmmaAndEmmaAndEmma]

There’s another YT account of a guy whose father has dementia, and there are countless videos of him telling him immediately and directly when he asks about late loved ones, “So-and-so’s dead, they died a long time ago.” I know caretaking someone with dementia is a learning process and I suspect every case is different, but his approach enrages me so much. I can’t imagine how many times he’s retraumatizing his father by informing him of people’s deaths so abruptly. Your approach is so much gentler and kinder, and as you said, gives you the opportunity to decide when it’s best to tell the truth and when it’s not.

[@LQOTW]

My mother-in-law is sliding very quickly into Alzheimer's. Oddly, although she cannot recall some people, how they relate to her, what she learned two minutes ago, etc., she can still remember that her son took away her car keys four years ago. She's still pissed.

[@Pamela-cn3pm]

❤😢😊😢❤ You've gotta love them. As frustrating as it can be, you've gotta love them! May you be blessed with strength, wisdom, love and joy.

[@MissNebulosity]

you are such a sweet human being. I don't have anybody with dementia in my life, but I just love watching your videos and learning about how to help people with dementia. It may come in handy one day and I will remember your videos.

[@kwith]

My mother worked in a nursing home and there was this woman who's husband had passed 10 years prior. She had severe dementia. What they would do is if she asked where her husband was, they would say "he just stepped out for a minute or "he went for a walk". They couldn't bear breaking her heart every hour or so.

[@humanmonsters]

Remember that for them, this IS the first time they are hearing it, so they will have the emotions that go along with it.

[@misscyanic2484]

bless you for doing this series. ty so much for the tips, tricks & much needed support❤❤❤

[@HuckleBerryNinja]

My grandma passed away, leaving my grandpa alone after spending decades together. He did not want anyone to come and care for him so my parents put cameras in his house so they could check on him anytime. It was so sad to see him searching the house, screaming for grandma to come out from wherever she was

[@LambentLark]

Ehen my uncle couldn't care for my gran at home anymore, I was going in and read to her twice a week in her last year or so. The lady next to my grandmother had dementia. She use to think I was her daughter. (Her daughter had passed tears before). After my gran passed, I felt sorry that no one visited miss Martha. So, I still went in and sat with her and read to her a few nights a week. It was only 6 months or so till she left this earth. We all get old if we are lucky. Adopt a grandparent.

[@veronjhickey7184]

I love your videos🥰 You are an answer to prayers! Teepa Snow got me on the right path with understanding what was happening with my Mom, and you give me valuable communication skills and resolutions to everyday situations! Thank you and many blessings🥰🙏🏾🙌🏾

[@MudlarksAlmanac]

There was no point actually telling my Mum that she had dementia, as she'd just insist i was lying, and that she hadn't. She also got 'dementia' mixed up with 'demons' and got very upset as she thought she has demons! Instead, I used to tell her she had 'memory problems' and she accepted that. She also had photos of all her family members around her all the time so that she could see them. I gave up trying to help her remember things though, eg. by moving furniture etc to how I remembered it had been - when i said i was trying to help her remember, she said "I dont want to remember!" I had to try to remain neutral and distract her, but she resented me being around, but i have no siblings, so there was no one else to care for her. I went on a short course organised by the UK Alzheimers Association, which gave us advice and strategies on caring for someone with dementia, and that did help, but it was still hard.

[@me_again]

Thank you so much this is something we are struggling with

[@lrajic8281]

I was a home health aide, and the patient was partially lucid. He would turn on the TV and find a channel with just “snow”. It was black and white swiggly lines and black and white moving dots. And very loud hissing. He would just stare at it, with the volume as loud as could be. After sitting there for an hour, he would turn to me “why are you here?” I would say I’m here to clean and do laundry and make you dinner. He would ask “why doesn’t my children want to visit me? Why aren’t I in nursing home?” I would say they visit, but they are at work now. They see you before work, and sometimes after work. You don’t want a nursing home because you like to watch your tv without anybody to share it. He would yell for me to stop cleaning. It was washing a few dishes by hand, sweeping the kitchen, wiping the counter, stuff like that. So I’ll to the dining room or laundry room. After a few minutes he would say “what are you doing here?” I would answer, finishing the laundry, or dusting the lamp, etc. He would yell okay. Don’t you need to do something in the kitchen? I’ll go back into the kitchen to put away dishes or finish sweeping, and he would repeat “why isn’t he in a nursing home,” or “why his children don’t visit,” or “get out of the kitchen all over. If I said “do you want to see the football game on tv?” Or another show he usually likes, he would yell at me to mind my own business. He would just stare at the snow on the loud non/show on tv. He did this for the three hours I was there, each fay. He was ornery. I had to quit after a month.

[@Pamela-cn3pm]

I understand. Sometimes one just has to step back, sometimes to keep themselves going. It's ok.

[@masdyrenee1328]

When I was a CNA, every night one of my residents wound cry asking for her parents. I would tell her, "Oh your mom is helping a neighbor with an emergency, and your dad said he was going to be home late tonight. They asked me to take care of you until they can come get you in the morning." "Really?" "Yes. I promise I will take good care of you." "Okay." Amd then she would go right to sleep. Sometimes she would wake up and we would repeat this conversation. She was a sweetheart.

[@SaberCat587]

One of my great aunts got dementia. My aunt who was taking care of her stopped telling her about it eventually because she would get angry and upset because she "would remember something that important". She also liked to steal food off other peoples plates. RIP.

[@kirstybennett5070]

I love your channel. So many other dementia channels lecture for aaages, yours gives really practical tips to help particular problems1. I found this one when Dad was asking about his mother and it worked. Before that when he'd ask I'd tell him she was dead or lie and both upset him. Now I ask him a few questions and answering them (or not) seem to ease him until he gets distracted. I've used heaps of your tips thank u

[@HOBGOBSNOB23]

When you're dealing with people who have late stage dementia telling them their wife, husband, son or daughter died everyday is usually not a good idea and if their memory is that bad they will buy the "they're at work or the store".

[@bluecookiesandthedamsnackbar]

I decided to always be open to the possibility of having Alzheimer’s, dementia, schizophrenia, or anything similar so that if it happens to me when I’m older I can hopefully be more open to the idea.

[@drewthistlethwaite8909]

M’y uncle passed before gran gran. She had memory issues. She was always told « you know how he is, he’ll call after he’s off work, just like his father » and she’d laugh and go rest. She thought I was my cousin, her fav. She did play favs. I’m adopted so the complex emotions of her getting her fav grand baby those final years but not remembering me is hard. I keep my hair so long because the last thing she said was my hairs so pretty and pet it. She was on limited means and I was the youngest grand baby. She had 6 kids, each had at least 2. But she got me a brush, comb, and mirror set as a child so I just hope she remembered me a little. I’m the only girl without type 1A, stick straight hair. Some of its textured enough in like 4 small patches to need specialized care. So I couldn’t have been my cousin then. But I know several of her sisters had hair like mine, her twin included. So even if it wasn’t me I hope she got to see her sister that day.

[@bleachnbones7107]

The worst thing is when they both believe something bad happened and we're hiding the truth from them but have also developed false memories. My grandma is often convinced that she saw her mom, who died almost 20 years ago, just the other day, and when she has a moment of clarity, feels something isn't right, asks us if she's dead and we say yes she becomes agitated and distressed as if she had JUST died right now. It's hard, because it's impossible to lie when she asks that question directly like that but at the same time it hurts seeing her going through that grief over and over again

[@Luminar_Yurei]

My grandpa had alzhiemers. After a point, he forgot my grandma died and started to get sad and mad that she wasn't visiting him in the nursing home. My dad had to break the news to him a second time. Poor man. I hope that he and my grandma are together again, wherever they are now 💜

[@original_demonic]

My family has a history of Dementia and Alzheimer’s, and currently my mums best friend is losing her husband to it. He’s becoming violent in ways he never would have been in any right mind, and asking where people are that she doesn’t even know. She always says “they’re a phone call away, and they said they’d call you tomorrow to catch up”, when she never knew who she was talking about as the second wife. It’s so difficult…and one of the hardest parts is that you have to manipulate their memories to make them feel calm and safe. This obviously isn’t for all patients like that, but a vast majority need to be told “oh they’re coming tomorrow” to stop them getting upset in any way because they can’t understand. I’ve seen it rip so many apart, and though I’d never forgive her, I completely understand why my mum said she’d shoot herself immediately if she ever gets diagnosed. It robbed you of you, of everyone around you of who you were. It’s worse than anything else because you don’t even know you’re losing you, Or even worse, you can tell that you’re slipping away.

[@태이씨]

These videos are very educational even though I've never communicated with a person with dementia

[@cklounge2096]

I think that’s gotta be the most heartbreaking thing to go through for everyone involved. Death of a parent or spouse is already life changing, one day they’re your whole world and one day they will inevitably be gone. It’s already hard enough going through it once, but having to re-learn someone you love has passed over and over because you keep forgetting sounds tormenting, let alone having to be the one who remembers and has to remind. I have a deep appreciation and gratitude for people who work with dementia patients.

[@jordanistrying]

My mom has been diagnosed with dementia at 54 and I don’t know how to handle it, this is helpful

[@mlhskr-uo1om]

❤❤❤❤❤ God Bless you, Sweet May He Always bless you and yours thank you

[@steelmagnolia7000]

I had a patient who used to ask me where her mother was...she had forgotten how old she was so often.. to the point we covered the mirrors bc she would get frightened seeing herself as old and didnt recognize herself so she would think it was a stranger spying on her.....when shed ask where her mom was Id tell her..her mom went to the market and would be back soon...this was much better than telling her the truth bc shed get very upset and it wasnt helpful to the stage of dementia she was in. Kindness is better than a cold truth sometimes.

[@writersinkbooks]

At a certain point, telling such a truth to a dementia patient only causes deep grief, and they can spiral around that sad truth for hours. Providing an easier answer that will satisfy them without traumatizing them AND that they will not even remember asking in 15 minutes (eg “they’ve gone to the store and will be back soon”) is kinder to them. But this is deep into dementia, not in these early stages. Endless patience is necessary with all dementia patients. Never become tired of answering the same question 1,000 times.

[@KaraOfTheSea]

My grandfather's dementia manifested more verbally, so he always knew that family memebers had passed. But what really hurt was my uncle (his younest son), and his youngest brother; the last living sibling died a couple months before he did. Since it was new information we had to keep reminding him that they were gone.

[@JustJulesVlogs98]

These videos have been so helpful cause my grandma has dementia

[@trevormichael4906]

My grandpa constantly asks about his wife, my grandma. She passed away awhile back. It’s heart breaking seeing him relive it though. I wish I could help him.

[@Riivorn]

I work in a nursing home and I usually use the “they’re at home” excuse. Saying they’ve passed will more often than not cause more behavioral problems. Saying “they’re at home” is oftentimes enough, and even if they pursue you can say “they’re at their house, safe and sound” or something similar. That’s usually enough. If they ask to go to them then you’d have to come up with a reason why that’s not possible at the moment, but may be in the future (they’ll most likely forget)

[@BSuydam99]

It’s important to do this but I can imagine how heartbreaking it would be to have to tell someone over and over again that a loved one died and them having to relive the grief that comes with it.

[@pzh3334]

We didn't always tell my mother in law the truth, but when it was appropriate we'd tell her and describe how she was involved in all of the arrangements and that she grieved them appropriately. Even if she didn't recall, we'd assure her she fully paid her respects and we would offer to listen to a song that reminded her of them, or watch a movie they loved, really anything to bridge over to an activity she would become involved in and help her move away from sadness.

[@tammymomoftwo]

My great grandma had dementia I didn’t see her often Usually on good days is when I saw her cuz I was very young But the time that made me the most confused Was watching this very very old woman With weak bones Unable to walk without a walker or cane at least Grab a doll off her bedside table And smile at it And ask if someone wanted to play with her My parents sat me down and explained that sometimes great grandma forgets she’s old And she thinks she’s a kid again But it doesn’t last very long And even though she forgot And thought she was a child She didn’t deserve to be treated like one It was funny She remembered me But I’m a weird way She knew who I was Knew I picked tomatoes with her in the garden But didn’t know I was her great granddaughter Didn’t know my name I like to think she though I was just a friend I asked my mom if I could go play with her then Cuz she wanted to play dolls And I loved dolls I sat down and played tea party with my and her Barbie’s dolls Not all of her words made sense And she did a lot of stuff over and over Kinda like talking to someone who’s half asleep But I knew in her mind She was just playing dolls And was probably really happy to have a friend to play with again The story made no sense But it was the most fun I’d ever had playing with dolls Especially with an old person When you’re older You don’t play like you used to You don’t go as wild or strange as a kid dose But she did Maybe it was the lack of ability to form a proper story Maybe it was because in her mind She was a child But her doll felt so alive Like it did when playing with another kid I remember falling asleep in her arms On her bed With our dolls all over the blankets The room smelled like mothballs and chemicals But I was just happy to play dolls with my great grandma I was really close with her And I’ll never forget all the times we went tomato picking together

[@Pamela-cn3pm]

❤ What a blessing! What a memory! To think, the joy you gave her at those times is still in you today. Nice ... Very nice.

[@outlastseries]

When my grandfather started declining one of the biggest issues was telling him that his mother had died. It was really hard especially because she had only died within the last few months, she was in her late 80s. He felt very betrayed and angry when he realized that she was gone and no one had told him. I cant begin to imagine the hurt someone must feel to realize theyve lost their parents while also struggling with such a horrible condition. I pray for every family who goes through this.

[@Mitters]

My Grandfather didn't seem to understand his wife was dead for the most part. He'd just speak about her like she was in the other room and he'd just seen her. Then sometimes he'd know, and say "my wife is dead, yknow"... but to his own daughter who be didn't seem to remember. She (MY Mum) would say "yes I know dad, that was my Mum". He seemed to know that my Mum was somehow he cared about as she visited often, but didn't seem to realize it was his own daughter. He'd show her photos of herself when she was younger and say "this is my daughter". I cannot imagine how hard it was for her to deal with that. He didn't seem to know us grandkids either but enjoyed when people would visit.

[@robertawalsh2995]

When my mother was 100 she still recognized me but thought I was still in school. She would ask me "What ever have you done to your hair?! Why is it all white?"

[@gingerlee726]

This is like the only ethical page for dementia. It's so disturbing when I see people recording parents with dementia. Imagine being a great parent, and at the end of your life, your kids record you playing with baby dolls like they are real.

[@tea4738]

Tysm my grandad got diagnosed with dementia a few months ago and isn’t to bad with it but I’m very worried he will get worse so this is very comforting to watch❤️

[@sarahedwards2]

My grandma once asked on her birthday if her siblings were coming; they had all been dead for several decades.

[@willman9567]

We tell our person they were here recently. When she says she doesn't remember we explain that she has a brain injury from a fall. Works good enough. No way are we telling her they are dead.

[@poemonkey1980]

Opposite for my grandfather. He needed the sweet lies because that's what kept him happy and secure. The hospice nurses taking care of him even schooled us on this. I know everyone is different, though. I just wish they'd find a cure for this.

[@Curiousitymatters]

I’ve never met someone with dementia that believes you when you tell them they have dementia I was caring for a woman who was very end stage dementia she had a parakeet she loved dearly but she also had a habit of getting up and turning off the heat at night I would have to wait for her to fall asleep and turn it back on if she heard me or noticed she would get up and turn it back off (grew up very poor in the Great Depression and was reverting back to those habits) I would try and notice the temp drop but had taken to wearing extra layers and many quilts winters can be -40 regularly here. Well the bird died I found it one morning and quickly cleaned up all signs at first she didn’t remember the bird but kept staring at the spot where the cage had been saying something was right there but couldn’t remember what I eventually told her it was her bird cage and her bird had passed in the night she sobbed and sobbed then got distracted and forgot again this was on repeat for 3 days. I finally realized the more it was being talked about it was keeping it in her mind somewhere poor lady had NO peace I finally just started telling her a bookcase had been there and we moved it yesterday did that twice and the bird never came up again. Maybe this was wrong but I couldn’t handle breaking her heart hearing for the first time her beloved pet had passed over and over and over again I can’t imagine doing that to a person over their parents learning for the first time in their mind their parents had died over and over that kind of stress could give someone a stroke I would think… telling her she had dementia would put her in a fearful rage I couldn’t get her out of for hours remember nursing homes and sanitariums in her day were virtually houses of horror… again like your content and it depends on the patient but traumatizing them to no end is not wise advice.

[@remyco5981]

Ive worked in care and NEVER did telling them their significant other had died help. They dont believe it, ger angry and agitated or mourn all over again and feel they were deceived. We would make up a story dependant on what we knew about each resident and their habits and history, worked every time to settle them.

[@yesits_maddy1304]

I work as a Caregiver and i've always been told to try and avoid telling them their spouse/loved one has died. I find that it just makes them incredibly upset cause not only are you making them grieve all over again but then they start wondering why they didn't remember that. Also, I've been told to try and not say they have dementia, as it just confuses and saddens them.

[@BakedBuddy]

Great video

[@jasonbastian9901]

One of my most beloved patients, decided i was her childhood church's priest. Im a male, usually wore black scrubs w white tshirt, so it resembled a priest's frock and collar. She was easily agitated and for some reason she loved me and felt safe w me. So for over 10 years i tried to wear same color scheme. One time she had me hold her "baby" after i reassured her the girls were there to" help her get ready for church" (shower time, she was less than enthusiastic, biting scratching,etc the cnas).. i ended up holding that doll for 40 mins, walking around getting vitals, etc lol

[@charlisaurusrex.]

Even as a young adult without dementia, i agree you should always tell a person the truth, I was lied to for 11 years about my granddads cause of death, when his wife (who had alzheimers and parkinsons) would ask about her daughter, son or husband we would always tell her the truth, they may get upset but for them it's like going through the grief again, they may forget, they may not. Tell the truth and let them feel however they feel