Dementia and Power of Attorney: Medical and Financial Power of Attorney for Dementia

[@sherrybrown1811]

I am 67 years old. I was diagnosed with dementia 4 years ago. I take 2 different meds everyday to try and get my dementia to slow down. So far I am maintaining just fine. I thank you so much for your videos, I learn from them too.

[@prometheusali5056]

What are u taking? My mom has " mild" dementia

[@johntaylor1359]

Wot meds?

[@SparkingLife111]

Thats amazing! So happy for you. What is the medicatuon that you take?

[@anadventure1298]

How were you diagnosed? What dr diagnosed you?

[@hoahang7961]

What kind of medications you take? Can you tell?

[@ungarlinski7965]

My mother is 83 and I am 48. A couple of months ago I moved back home from out-of-state b/c for the past two years my Mom has been showing symptoms: repeating stories every 10 minutes, making up stories e.g. she was in 9/11, mixing up stories, acting paranoid about everyone, and short-term memory loss. She was writing me letters asking me if I am okay in prison and when will I be released, except I have never been to prison. She was hysterically calling and emailing and texting 4-5 times per day about having no money to have her taxes shredded and work done on her property and it sounded like it was an emergency. Yet at the same time she drove to the store everyday and paid her bills immediately. So I moved back to help out. And now not a peep about the taxes or getting the work done, and immediately when I pulled up was complaining about "all my stuff". Keep in mind she has always been a loving mother and had never said a bad word to me or ever even cursed. It also turns out that she pays for services and subscriptions she does not use either ever or not for a few years, and she can't remember anything about them or lies instead when asked. Anyway, four days ago all of a sudden she stormed out of the house and was gone for a few hours. When she got back she had a nasty scowl on her face and stayed that way for about 24 hours. I sat next to her to ask her if she was okay and she exploded cursing at me claiming I was trying to control her and to "get the fuck out of here" at the top of her lungs. I have never seen anything like it. It was frightening and I am somewhat scared to be here. I have been paying off her credit card since I've been here, doing work around the house, got her taxes shredded, etc., but she must think I am up to no good or something. I left home when I was 15 and had not been back until now or had too much contact with her. And now quite suddenly since the outburst she is nothing but mean to me and blames her credit card debt on me. It's downright bizarre this narrative she has. The credit card debt looks like it was various work-related items before retirement, car repair debt, and home repair debt. But when I listen closely to her stories it sounds like she thinks everyone has done her wrong and were criminals including all of the workmen she had hired to do various repairs over the years. I guess they were always hitting on her. Honestly, I think she has been financially irresponsible her entire life. Her parents paid for her college and paid for half the house and she never saved a dime but averaged about 50,000 USD per year. I find it very hard to have any real respect for her. Meanwhile I have been working remotely full time since the pandemic. Just wanted to get that out of me. Not sure what to do.

[@SparkingLife111]

Hi curious on how things have gone this past yr. There really seems nowhere to turn.

[@ungarlinski7965]

@@SparkingLife111 It has been up and down. I have been adapting, but I have also decided not to live with her come 2023. It is irresponsible to myself. It feels like I am putting myself in a dangerous legal situation sometimes if I stay. Negative incidents: She has told people she has been kidnapped, that the exterminator has sexually assaulted her, that I am dead, that the doctor is trying to poison her, and so on. But each of the accusations is provably false. Unfortunately, based on accusations alone, people can get in a lot of trouble as you can imagine. If I am gone for more than an hour, she texts everyone with bizarre stories. It's like she falls apart. It's like you never know what she is going to say. On the positive side, I've seen how to navigate some of the strangeness a little at a time, and have grown less affected by her comments. I also see how friends, family, and businesses are blocking her phone number and telling her to stay away. I think this is a good thing b/c her twisting in the wind like this is establishing a history in case someone has any doubts. A part of me wanted to just get out and disappear from her life. We were not close and it's been 35 years since I've lived with her. But I also think doing so would accelerate her decline. I'm realizing that her negativity is really a symptom and is not normal at all. So now I think the best thing to do is to move away and help here move into an ALF even if against her will or else to call protective services or something. I have a consultation scheduled with an elder law attorney coming up. I am not interested in guardianship or an inheritance or anything. This is one of those things where it's like you are on your own. I had to get used to telling little lies to her everyday to keep things normal. I mean like just listening to her strange stories is like a lie it feels like. Anyway, thank you for asking. Oh, also, reading about other people's experiences with dementia/alz on forums has really helped. Especially about anosognosia, the denial of the disease.

[@SparkingLife111]

@@ungarlinski7965 @Ungar Linski thank you for your reply sounds like it's been a very difficult year for you and I completely understand and I'm not surprised that's why I asked you how you were doing because I had a feeling it was crazy. What I'm going to suggest is to get your mother on medication called Vraylar. It has a black box warning but dont second guess it. When I laid out on the line everything I was dealing with to my mother's psychiatrist she said this was definitely the right choice of medication to put my mother on and I can tell you within a few days I noticed a change to where she became human again. The only issue with the med is she wasn't sleeping much maybe four and a half hours of sleep at night but believe it or not she was still human Sounds like your mother needs an antipsychotic and that's what this medicine is it's also for bipolar so chances are your mother was depressed her whole life and never medicated for it but that's just a guess I think a lot of people are I don't know if you deal with your mother's doctors but I would ask any and every doctor she has until somebody gives it to you my general practitioner said he prescribes Vraylar for people and I didn't know he could so maybe start with your mother's general practitioner, internist, her neurologist anybody let them know what you've been dealing with. She might need more then this medication because she sounds like she's really bad but I think it's a good first step I don't know if you can get her to go to the doctor but maybe make something up and say that insurance will drop her if she doesn't visit the doctor so many times a year or maybe the Elder Care lawyer can give you some advice. I think it's insane that we are put in this position and we have no Authority but we're given all the responsibilities and liabilities. All i know is you have been through an aweful year and please keep me updated I hope you get a break soon

[@christinoneill9748]

Yup. Apparently I've also been to prison. It's so hard. I feel your pain.

[@TLC26]

Dont take it personal sounds like some of the dimentia characteristics.

[@paulfresco8919]

Me and my sisters journey with dementia with my mom ended this week We flew blind through it it nice to no there are people like you out there helping people deal with it it is a over powering task

[@randygreen007]

My condolences for your loss. I hope there were some happy moments along the way. Sometimes there aren’t. 💔

[@HealthyLife4Me]

😢

[@katelynn58]

I live in Florida and I have an Unlimited POA for medical and financial that was set up when my mother was first diagnosed. However, while she or my father were still able to make their own reasonable decisions, that took precedent over my ability to step over their wishes, which of course, I would never do. As my mothers dementia progressed and my father was no longer comfortable making her health decisions, I would discuss with him the options and we would come to an agreement. Now that my father has passed, my mother since diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and living with me, the Unlimited POA has been priceless in caring for her estate and her health. The POA’s were the most important thing we did to assure them of the care they wanted.

[@nonawolf7495]

Being DPOA for my 87 year old mother has been the most draining challenge of my life. Now that dementia stripped away her veneer of civility, she is just the angry, deceitful, abusive person she has always been. There are times when I toy with the idea of renouncing the DPOA, and letting her flounder till the state steps in. May God grant me patience... I don't know who much longer I can stand this.

[@kathyputnam84]

I “feel your pain”, because it is emotionally, mentally, and physically painful AND extremely exhausting to be subjected to such treatment your entire life. I am POA for my 88 year old mother with Alzheimer’s who was emotionally immature and had to get married to my emotionally immature father, and they proceeded to raise 3 emotionally immature daughters. I was the lucky one because I found AA and the program worked for me. I gradually learned to face my character defects, unlike my parents and siblings, so it helped me “grow up” enough (I struggle with “adulting” constantly) to have compassion for her even though I have hated her narcissistic behavior. It took me quite a while to figure that out because she was a covert narcissist in public. I’m just sharing that because it’s what has kept me personally from giving up when I wanted to hand her over to her other two daughters who have absolutely no compassion for her. Remembering this has also helped me tremendously: “Pain is pain, no matter how it stacks up against another’s. And everyone deserves to feel their feelings.” So no matter what you decide to do, have self compassion first! I don’t know where your mother is on the “continuum” of dementia but it’s actually gotten easier for me because the beginning of the last stage of Alzheimer’s has changed my mother into a sweet, loving, happier (95% of the time) person whom I finally love being around. I don’t know if that’s common or not, but I am sending positive vibes your way in the hope that would happen for you ASAP. You deserve love and peace!

[@nonawolf7495]

@@kathyputnam84 Thank you for those kind words, my friend. You are right - pain should be treated with compassion. Your mother is very lucky to have you. ❤

[@aseedforyourthought6913]

I'm in the same situation with my grandpa ,I'm scared all he has promised to me will be changed but at same time I'm about to throw it all away

[@yd7901]

My father was arrested for pulling a knife on my mother, he has dementia and he is angry, deceitful and abusive I don't know what to do.

[@daveobrien645]

Your chart at 1:40 states your Financial POA can make "Medical" decisions about your finances, whereas "Financial" decisions seems more appropriate and fits with the rest of your message. No reply necessary. Very helpful, thank you.

[@LRB9498]

This is so helpful! I really appreciate these videos! I actually have a PhD in behavioral neuroscience, so while I understand a lot of the science behind the disease, navigating the legal and medical landscape has been a challenge. My mom has dementia and it's been rough on the family.

[@bestiecrowley1534]

Thanks 👍 wish I knew more about what to expect for the future? 🤔

[@SparkingLife111]

@@bestiecrowley1534 me too. Ive yet to hear anything that doesnt make my hair fall out in clumps.

[@rosie7715]

@@SparkingLife111 Me to

[@MrArdytube]

As Natali mentioned, it is important to start early! One reason that I delayed was because I was thinking “it is not yet time to do this,Mom is still competent”. This attitude overlooks what you can and SHOULD do even while your loved one is competent:research. We can start contacting banks etc pro-actively “just to find out what they will require”. In case it is awkward to ask your loved one to sign these papers because it is “too soon”... you might be able to collaborate with a doctor to counsel the loved on the importance of addressing these issues BEFOREHAND since there is seldom an objectively decisive moment. The doctor will seldom raise this issue unless you specifically ask for help on this issue

[@MrCheeto7]

Thank you, Dr Natali. We are getting a lot out of your channel and videos.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Thank you. That really means a lot. :)

[@nenitagonzales8458]

@@DementiaCareblazers u7

[@loicybourque1684]

My brother is a disabled veteran in a wheelchair who has vascular dementia. He refuses to give any power of attorney to me. I had to put him in a NH at the beginning of the Corona Virus due to my being quarantined and he lived alone and I couldn’t take care of him. I’m 75 years old and he is 72. He is still legally married to a woman who hates him and they have not lived together for over:30 years!! Thank you

[@lesleyjoymcclure1772]

Perhaps the regulations are different in the US from Canada. My brother and I are both medical and financial power of attorneys for my parents. My Dad passed away in 2020 but my Mom is still with us. When Dad fell and broke his hip and had to go into a care home, he was 99 at the time, both my brother and I had to sign to necessary documents. Our cousin is the lawyer who drew up these papers. He has been the family lawyer for many years and we trust him completely that they are correct and legal. There was never any question from the care home that we were both power of attorneys and there has never been any questions from my parents financial institution that we are both financial power of attorney. My mom is 100 and has been living with my husband and I for 2 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia. It’s very challenging as I am 72 with more physical health problems than she has. We take it one day at a time and pray that we will be given discernment in all our decisions. Thank you.

[@lindagriffin268]

Thank you so so much for your diligence and informative simple to understand format. Your videos have been sanity saving. May God bless you richly

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Thank you so much Linda. It warms my heart to know that my videos are helpful. Wishing you and your loved one all the best!

[@rosemariekury9186]

Even if there’s no dementia yet involved power of attorney is important. A few years ago my husband had a severe stomach bleed and at first ( due to a stomach bypass) and a holiday weekend they couldn’t find where it was. Meanwhile he went into shock due to blood loss and wasn’t aware of where he was. He thought the doctor was a vet and refused to get surgery. It was very upsetting but due to the power of attorney I had they were able to proceed. They finally did an endoscopy and found a hidden bleeding ulcer they fixed. At this hospital they also have this on their files. He lost so much blood he may have died. I’m not sure they would have proceeded if they didn’t have this.

[@intrusivethoughts7405]

My grandma is in the hospital right now for the first time for hallucinations and confusion. She literally went from fine, living alone working in the garden to thinking shes on a dirt road in an accident. Its the craziest thing ive ever seen. Has anyone else seen such a rapid onset like this before?

[@nonacee5065]

Sometimes hallucinations coincide with infections like urinary tract but others begin following a mini stroke or TIA. I'm sure the hospital will find out which. All the best.

[@chloechloe1783]

Dehydration if not drinking enough, water infection, also caused sometimes through not drinking enough. Definitely test for UTI but most hospitals check this first with any elderly person confused. Also look if her medication has been changed, some meds do nt mix with other meds it suit that person. X

[@Catmoore60]

Also it’s helpful to have a way to check whether the person suffering a sudden change of behavior is actually taking their meds. We got a multi day, multi time slot set of pill carriers for my mom. If she has forgotten (or sometimes refused) to take her meds, we can tell because they are still in the carrier for that day/time.

[@Soilfoodwebwarrior]

Make sure it not something nutritionally related. A vitamin b deficiency could cause severe symptoms such as these and elderly people tend to not eat well. 😕 Weight loss would be one obvious initial indication

[@rhyfeddu]

My Mom has had extreme sudden acute delirium and hallucinations from UTI. Not always even severe ones. I know you posted this awhile ago and hope you found answers. I just want to reinforce others saying the same for people reading this thread in future. Infection, stress (cortisol), dehydration and (I just discovered with my mom) sugar has all caused increased, unusual confusion. It's just so easy to knock elderly dementia patients off balance it seems...

[@songoftheblackunicorn666]

I am a nomad with two esas. I am attempting to do caregiving for my 94 year old Grandmother who has moderate dementia but still very bright ( we just think my esas are different species, microwave dinners need to be sealed in the box and cooked that way, we knowingly put large used sanitary pads in the washer and dryer and the list goes on). I have taken over getting her mail and paper at the highway, buying 85 percent of the groceries (my uncle does the rest he is 20 minutes away), washing dishes laundry and anything else that comes up. She and my uncle asked for me to come some time ago and I got here in July and my three birds one of which is an outdoor bird and stays outdoors the other two stay outside to play and sleep with me upstairs at night) . Every two weeks she says I didn't agree to these animals usually just after I have just done all of the house work made coffee for her done her dry erase board with day of the week on it and medication check boxes and any appointments or visits on it . She seems to throw the biggest fits about me being here with Izzy and Shiloh and Finn outside when I have bought a weeks worth of groceries. She's Happy to get all of the things I took the trouble to get for her that she does really like and then within four to twelve hours later she jumps on me like a tone of bricks. Grandma has never been what you could call a "nice" person she has from what anyone who used to live with her says showed very pronounced indicators of npd. So you constantly have to figure out what you are in fact dealing with at every rough interaction and negotiate each incident. I was an ese school bus driver at one point for emotionally handicapped highschool, and I was temporarily around four other dementia patients so I'm not unfamiliar with some of this but being kicked out with 17 hours between me and Asheville NC and having to take down a ten by ten pen I hammered into hardpan that is up outside for Finn and Shiloh and Izzy during the day and takes three days to hammer in the posts is not reasonable when she says she wants us gone. How do I obtain the legal right to stay with my esas. I can just give her her space when she is mad until she calms down. But winter is coming and she can't do this herself anymore and I literally have to find a good home for Finn in the middle of nowhere if I leave. Paying her "rent" that my uncle then turns back into grocery money seems to be a good option but how do I legally do this. I know that I need to get esa paperwork on Izzy and Shiloh what we have been doing up until now is just living in the car from place to place and just going into places with companion animal policies like Lowe's and JoAnn s and parking on public lands but we cannot do below zero temps in upstate NY and our closest nomad group we are safe with is Asheville NC where we are outfitted to withstand the winter and two of the three birds would be welcome at the parks and other amenities we use. It should be noted that I also keep my animals clean and my animals are educated in everything from deep pressure to parrot and dog obedience commands and I am not one of " those" people who bring full-sized untrained and unsanitary pigs onto an airplane. I need my birds at night they make me feel safe when nothing in my life has. She has temporarily agreed to them. How do I deal with all of this. I have gotten rid of or stopped doing everything else I love. How do I get her to at least conceed that this is the end of the line for both her and me. She literally got herself kicked out of the hospital the last time she was there about 6 weeks before I got here. My uncle came to visit and they said hey can you just take her now when she was supposed to be under observation for the next day or so.we do have good moments too. The dementia sometimes actually cancels out the npd. And at least some of the time I figure out the right thing to say to where she is at ease and gives me a real smile and not a I have got control again smirk. She also has no sleep schedule so she tends to do rampages at night and sleep alot of the day. I know the sound of when she needs help and when she doesn't so I stay out of it when she doesn't. How do I do this. How do I protect myself and my birds

[@emenikeiroanya6016]

difference between mental capacity act of law and power of attorney Dr continue with your good work You Guys doing great

[@cathyblock6197]

I have recently become legal guardian (Article 81) for my sister with dementia. This covers both POA and Health Care Proxy in New York State. So much still to do!

[@dwilson4543]

Im in texas can yu tell me how i should proceed

[@jabrother]

Thank you so much for all the help you are a wonderful and sweet woman. My sister and I are going through all this right now so it was very pertinent! Thanks again for caring and for the great info sharing.

[@donnacopeland526]

I wish I had seen this group years ago. I've looked after my sister for the last 10 years. Within the last 6 months, I've had to put her into a nursing home. I still feel like I've failed her, but I was truly in a caregivers burn out. I feel she is in the later part now. She can hardly keep her head up, has to be fed, can't walk anymore, and is getting so skinny. I love her dearly, but think I've made the right decision for both her and I.

[@emilycorwith1119]

I'm my husband's caregiver and it's a rough rough road, particularly since I have my own health problem, so I fear I will not be able to take care of him forever. I hope I can know when to let go as you have!

[@donnacopeland526]

@@emilycorwith1119 I wish I could have kept her home longer. Having said that, it truly was the best decision for both of us. The first 4 to 6 weeks were the hardest, but she is so much more alert now and quite happy. Don't forget, the professionals know so much more than we do, and know how to cope when things get rough. I go in 3 times a week, and feed her lunch, then we have a nice visit, and she tells me of all the relatives that have come to visit her. The fact that they have all passed on, makes no difference to me. I would rather chat with her about them, than put her through the heartache of reliving their passing. Listen to the doctors and don't feel bad. Remember if something happens to you, he will be alone. Go visit some of these places. They really are not as bad as some if the horror stories of many years ago.

[@tedwilliford7218]

many local hospitals now have sessions or classes that focus on caregiver issues such as "taking care of the caregiver". I have two family members with declining mental abilities and take care of one on a full-time basis. my sister takes care of the other. it is a hard thing for both of us to do. we talk about issues every week.

[@tbone2859]

No one knows what it’s like to take care of a loved one who is no longer capable of taking care of themselves until they’ve done it. 10 years. That makes you a saint in my opinion

[@michaelcowgill]

@@tbone2859 God bless. you.

[@tedwilliford7218]

another very important issue is that a durable power of attorney really does not have much effect as long as the individual who granted the POA still has the ability to say "No" when issues are being discussed. When this happens you must engage an attorney and petition the court for a general guardianship in which you ask the court to determine the individual in question is incapacitated and unable to make decisions, basically incompetent. the durable POA is incorporated into the petition and when guardianship is granted then the durable POA takes effect and the court's order will make reference to that document.

[@leerindal8980]

That is not completely accurate from legal perspective. A Durable POA grants the named person (grantee) the legal authority to make certain designated decisions for the authorizing person (grantor). I am unfamiliar with any Court that requires the grantor to be deemed incompetent before the grantee can exercise the Durable POA on behalf of the grantor. I retired from practicing law for 3 decades, however, each state has its own statutory requirements so I am not stating that some jurisdictions MIGHT have different, or more stringent, requirements before using the Durable POA.

[@debbiebanner717]

I wish I had seen this BEFORE I agreed to be POA. I would never have done so, if I knew then what I know now. Ardy Hagen is SO right!

[@chloechloe1783]

Can I ask why? This is all hard to understand. I’m hank you in advance :0)

[@NYCisland]

You can revoke a PoA at any time. Meaning the person who is named in the PoA can decide to cancel it just by writing a document in their words and sign it. Very easy.

[@LOVELOVE-du5ut]

Thank you so much for this great support and help. I'm taking a crash course as a caregiver...what a shock this all is....

[@alanfarias2923]

I happened to come across your videos, my Mom has dementia, not sure what level. She lives in Reno Nevada and we are trying to bring her home to Hawaii. With this Covid19 situation not sure when. I’ll have to figure out all of her finances with her Banks and transferring her accounts to a Bank or C.U. And yes your Videos has and will be a BIG HELP in bringing Mom home and caring for Her too. Thanks so so so much.

[@rogerroger5649]

Just an FYI that we just found out. My wife is POA for her father who is getting into the advance stages and after visiting the doctor we were told that she could be held responsible and even sued if something happen because he was not supervised as needed. If he was to walk out into the street and get run over or do something that causes harm to others then we could lose everything we own. I know this is an older video and I have no reason to believe the doctor doesn't know about these things but, I would really like to hear another opinion or someone else's advice. Thank you

[@SparkingLife111]

Is that true? I wouldnt be suprised at this point.

[@elainegoad9777]

I had to put locks on doors with no door knob, screw windows shut, locked chain around fridge, hide things prior to getting him accepted into long term care.

[@madelynnazario8361]

In the state of Florida...a POA can't be done meanwhile a person has dementia. Im going through this. Legal guardianship is an expensive that I would have to pay from my pockets. Its difficult to help an elderly parent who didnt fix nor discuss what to do before an illness take over them. Laws need to be amended or added to help families in these type of situations. Believe me ive knocked doors. Its not easy.

[@bluto212]

I feel for you. I'm experiencing the same thing. Even worse the broke abusive ex-husband showed up and is stealing her property.

[@sallyclay1974]

My sister passed away from Lewy Body Dementia after 7 years of suffering. My niece was Power Of Attorney. My sister was in her house in Ridgefield, CT, with round the clock care givers for the first 4 years. The last 3, were at an Assisted Living facility, in Darien, CT, called The Residence.

[@treshao2413]

I am so glad I found you, I am my mothers Durable power of attorney for medical and Financial. She has just been Officially diagnosed with dementia and its recommended that she be in a home because she is not understanding her illness and falls and has been in and out of the hospital and rehab facilities numerous times over the last year. She is unable to walk or care for herself any longer and they will not let her just go home to an unsafe environment. (she lives alone) The problem is my older brother REFUSES to acknowledge that i am her power of attorney and has taken all of her financial records, i cant get her mail to pay any of her bills, he has everything from her drivers license, social, and about $2000 in cash, etc of hers that he refuses to return anything. Refuses to even talk to any of the family. I need her information to place her in a care facility and only have a matter of 2 weeks to do so. I don't know what to do. Im so frustrated with him and his denial that there is anything wrong with her. What is within my right to do if anything?

[@randygreen007]

If he’s not taking proper care of her then get legal help ASAP but if he’s keeping her safe, nourished and healthy while being in her own home or another safe place then you should be grateful that he’s doing this for her. Of course I don’t have all those details but I’ve been the only one taking care of my mother for going on 9 years now and I have done it with no outside help.

[@NYCisland]

That is elder abuse and he is stealing from his mother. You need to go to the police and find a lawyer. There are elder care lawyers that specialize in this. Don't wait until all her assets are gone. Change the locks on her house if you have to. Since you have financial PoA you can go to the bank and lock her accounts so no unauthorized withdrawals are made. Also, you are not responsible for her bills. You can pay them on her behalf from her funds, but do not use your own money to pay her bills. Yes, this could mean she loses the house and has to go bankrupt but do not ruin your financial life in the mean time. I am PoA for my sister who is in a nursing home and I stopped paying her credit card bills (she didn't own a house). It took a while, but eventually the lenders agreed to cancel the debt.

[@avrilcrisp30]

As siblings we all have enduring POA but are divided. One thinks they can buy large items without any mention and parent concerned about having to pay for them. One thinks they can arrange carers without mention to the rest of us or mum wanting it the intervention. Two of us want mum to have choices maybe reduced options but she is not a fool. Its tough trying to convince an bossy sibling they are using their wishes as choices and not your parents wishes.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

This is a very difficulty situation. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this and that your siblings are not all getting along. I hate to see how this disease sometimes tears families apart. Is there not one "primary POA" listed? Usually, there is one primary person to avoid these situations from occurring.

[@retroguy1976]

its been a tough time my grandmother did not do a POA so I contacted a elder law firm for a guardianship. I did draw up poa papers but she was incontintent to sign it or understand it. so I have been paying for her bills for now out of my pocket and today I have to pay something on the nursing home because they need a payment im close to getting a guardianship I have signed the papers presented to the judge in NJ and have a court case next month to get it.

[@jeaniefarmer1502]

My siblings are looking into medical poa and guardianship for my mom. My brother has durable poa. We are very afraid of what one brother will do if we do not take care of this. He had visited mom and refused to leave after destroying property at moms. We were told poa was not enough to make keep him from moving in if she allowed it. We hate more than anything to declare our incompetent.

[@C68M68L]

Extremely valuable information. Thank you!

[@kimberlybamford1072]

Thank you Natalie for this information. I am right in the middle of this situation now.

[@michaeldamours1156]

Dr. Natali, Thank you so much for posting this information. I am about to plunge into the legal signing this week for my parents and feel very "lost" on these issues. This really helps to clarify many issues you mentioned, primarily the financial POA. Bless you!

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Hi Mike! I'm glad you found the video I made for you. Best of luck as you drudge through all the legal stuff. It can be confusing!

[@dirtyzombie4928]

Just wanted to add a few things for people to watch out for as I learned. There is such a thing as non-durable power of attorny, which is temporary. Make sure you get DURABLE for BOTH MEDICAL and PHYSICAL. Also, getting POA requires that the person you are doing it for is of sound mind and body, that way people can't take and abuse elders and others who have lost cognitive functioning. If your person already has full blown dementia, they cannot legally consent to POA and you have to go thru a court process. Get POA immediately when your loved one is first showing signs, while they possess sufficient faculties to grant such authorization. Don't wait!

[@ellendaniels3026]

Get a Health Care Coordinator to help you with info...ins & outs of Assisted Living (some places accept Medicaid...many rules.) They can advocate for your loved ones about care center placement & funding, getting additional rehab when possible, which Medicare plan will be most helpful, Social Security rules & issues, & more. Mine had been an absolute Godsend.

[@jerryhansen5566]

Important advice, thank you, Dr Natali. Most of your advice was "right on", but there are state differences and it's helpful to have legal advice. For instance, in CA, where I practice Elder Law, a Durable Power of Attorney (Financial) can have two personal representatives, even though that may not be a good idea, and Medical Powers of Attorney are called Advance Health Care Directives (AHCD). Although anyone can fill them out, it's helpful to have someone with experience guide you through the various choices in each document. In CA, for most people, it's important to have a Revocable Living Trust as well as an AHCD, in the event you become incapacitated. Without them, you may have to go to court to have a Conservator appointed--a painful process--and you may not get to choose your Conservator. Thanks for your ministry. You're providing a very valuable service.

[@patrickreardon1209]

Thank you for your thoughtful insight.

[@Richson44]

I clicked Thumbs up and Subscribe because your so clear and right to the point. Thank You

[@nu.wa.n]

Love your videos. They are so good at explaining concepts with clarity. I really appreciate the slides where you clearly explain confusing concepts.

[@bestiecrowley1534]

Thank you so much for answering me?

[@lh98]

If only more people in the financial world comprehended DPOA or POA in general. My elderly mother selected me to handle things for her as did my wife. Some banks know and understand these documents and some don’t at all. One bank associate asked a manager while I was waiting “he’s not an actual attorney, can he do these things?” and they started to call someone by phone until a manager walked in and explained it to them. The process at this bank took 2 weeks and a follow up by me. I spoke to my mother about putting these funds in her regular bank where they know both of us and they handle POA without issues and she agreed. Once cleared authorization at the not so intelligent bank I asked for a cashiers check and took it to the bank that respects them and their customers time. No more issues. I’ve had issues with my wife’s credit union too using POA and she’s about ready to leave there as well. They cite they are a small bank and can’t afford losses. We aren’t rich and what more protection than a legal notarized POA do you need? One bank no problems 2 other banks problems.... something tells me if I was a lawyer they wouldn’t bat an eye but normal Joe can’t do a transaction in a reasonable time. Education!

[@lisacollins7441]

Hopefully, you are still answering questions! Great advise and expert knowledge of POA's. Wanted to know what to do if I already had a POA and, two days after mine, another family member talked my relative into letting them have a POA on her too. But, dementia kicked in because she forgot she just signed for one 2 days before. We've asked the other relative to destroy her paperwork because she said she didn't know "I" already had mine in place before hers but, don't think she will do it. Thks for your response.

[@NYCisland]

That last one that is signed - and hopefully, notarized (though not always required) is the official PoA. A PoA can be revoked at any time by that person but it has to be done in writing.

[@ralphwaters8905]

This is not my specific problem but I can envision it would be for many others. IF you did not get your loved one to prepare a DPoA when they were still of sound mind, I assume a spouse or relative could still be granted their DPoA by a court order. I would assume letters would be required by 2 physicians unrelated to the person that attest to their level of dementia. Can you perhaps add a few words about how this would work in most states?

[@madelynnazario8361]

Peter Woodcock ...im going through the same thing with my dad. He is so stubborn. All his life..its his way or the highway. Well im doing my best...but he is withering away because of his stubbornness.

[@04dram04]

You have to think like him when persuading him. Think about what he would need to hear to convince him.

[@chellejack3480]

My dad has the same personality.

[@chrisburns1138]

My husband clearly has some sort of dementia going on and has been for quite a while. He refuses to believe there is anything wrong and will not see a doctor for it..At his last physical his doctor told me there is nothing he can do if my husband doesn’t ask for the help. So, we have been going along hoping he doesn’t have a major car accident and just living with these symptoms. It is frustrating and worrisome. It keeps me up at night while he sleeps like a baby. He can’t preform any executive functions, he can’t be relied on for almost anything. So, I have resigned myself to just dealing with it day by day. He is extremely happy and content in this delirium but I’d like to pull my hair out and are over burdened. My husband and I are only married four years. And there is no doubt I married him not realizing he came with this disease.

[@cole7203]

Thank you for sharing this important information. Your examples were clear and concise.

[@carolbiggs5336]

This was extremely helpful information. The clarification that you added was needed - Thank you!

[@louismark1242]

Carol Biggs ❤️

[@gregorygray8968]

So many things you're sharing are incredibly valuable to me now...so glad I 'tuned in' to your superb vide0/tutorial..

[@cherylarmstrong1985]

This is Cheryl A. I am learning a lot from your videos. Thank you, thank you for the wonderful answer to my question. What I type in, I read over it and it didn’t make sense so I’ll input it all over again I do not know what came up that gave you the impression that I didn’t want to subscribe to your KZbin channel so that’s why I’m making this comment to you again please understand we enjoy your feedback.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Glad it was helpful

[@PurpleChurchMouse]

My parents had all of the correct paperwork done thru an attorney, yet my siblings still were able to come in to petition the court for total guardianship, taking away decision making for my other over my dad. Can't believe that was possible.

[@patrickflohe7427]

Are you saying that your mother had decision-making authority over your father’s affairs, and that was taken-away? A Guardian ad Litem has to agree on who gets to have guardianship over someone. I’m dealing with a situation right now, or at least the aftermath of it.

[@cherylarmstrong1985]

Thank you, thank you for touching bases on a breakdown of how things should work. As a sibling your insight has is a eye opener.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Glad it was helpful!

[@jebsmith323]

I have both healthcare power of attorney and healthcare power of attorney for my 89 year old mother. Thankfully, she set both of these up about 15 years and forgot about it. It would be very difficult to have her sign this over to me today.

[@sharoncrawford3042]

Im POA for my dad who has dementia. He would never allow me to have medical POA. But he did get me on a financial POA. He has been in the nursing home for a couple of months. He has cancer and refuses to do any treatment or even see a doctor. I believe he is in stage 7. So, Im taking care of all his financial affairs, but cannot force anything on the medical part.

[@SandfordSmythe]

Coercion will be difficult for many ambulatory and conscious people, even with POA.

[@RonMontagueSWRR]

Thanks, you answered lot of things I wasn't sure of.

[@kennygrant6040]

My mom was diagnosed with dementia by a doctor that came to see her at the assisted living home she stays at. He talked to her a couple of times over a two week period. That’s it. I guess anyone can diagnose dementia. POA, beware, if you intend on abusing your decision making, better hope you don’t a sibling or a relative like me.

[@Threadbow]

Wow wish I had you on my side. Poa refuses to allow anyone to know anything about my parent. Breaks mental capacity act constantly

[@BeMoreOfYourself1984]

So very helpful. Thank you for such a clear explanation. Much appreciated. ❣

[@l.baughman1445]

Note that in some states both medical and financial roles can be spelled out in a single complete document (DPOA a with a medical provision). Ask a qualified attorney in your location. Also in estate planning, I’ve been told about “Directives to Physicians” so ask about those also.

[@dinyarjalnawalla8181]

In India I have fought and won a case where I got a Judgement in my clients favour by arguing before the Court that a Power of Attorney becomes void when a person becomes incapable of entering into a contractual relationship.

[@vivianmahar8983]

Great easy to understand explanation - Thank You!

[@lindacastro5703]

I recently signed a ‘Health Care Proxy’ for my mom who has clear signs of dementia. A copy of the form was given to her health care provider. It this the same as POA for her medical care?

[@bestiecrowley1534]

Is there any medical tests/ evidence that can prove you have dementia. 👀 PLEASE

[@elainegoad9777]

There is a difference between Durable Power of Attorney and a Health Care Power of Attorney. Do a Living Will and no one can go against your wishes.

[@budsmith5]

Thanks 😊. I needed to know what to do. U gave lots of help

[@neave789]

Not just dementia . Any issue that ends with a loved one in care. Just sorted mine for my wife who at 46 is now in a carehome with secondary progressive multiple sclerosis both financial and health attorney got for both myself and my daughter an absolute must .

[@user-hj5fm8ix9j]

My mom was diagnosed with Dementia and my sister took apon herself to be appointed DPOA, and at the time it was done, she had just underwent eye surgery, having cataracts removed was not able to read the documents she said that herself it was a stack she has to sign

[@aprilgill7000]

Can someone with a durable power of attorney get a restraining order on a sibling who is taking advantage of the mom who suffers from dementia

[@rivermist80]

My dads wife and house repair attorney have recently convinced my dad I said something and I didn't. The wife got him convinced to change the poa which was me for over 25 years from before my Mom passed. I will be seeing an elderly law attorney as I understand the new poa is void with his history of dementia. It's never a good thing for a second wife to be jealous and hateful of you from the beginning. It's very painful to lose a parent this way.

[@cynthiasword4213]

My Mom is in the midst of dementia. She has always been disagreeable to going to a Dr. Now she flat out refuses to talk about it. She is getting worse and my sister and I are thinking if a Dr. told her to not drive she might listen... Please could you go over this type of problem, she definitely doesn't think that she has anything wrong...

[@danksinatra5977]

So can the police. They just took my mom's license..Early stage of dementia.

[@nikolaylazarchuk868]

To get power of attorney for someone with dementia, should I go to court to get it or what should I do?

[@kimbice2205]

I was wondering the same

[@Briggs412]

Thank you for this video. My mother has dementia and she argues with me a lot but i am just trying to help her. I have poa over her

[@heathermahon2281]

This has been very helpful. Fortunately all our paperwork is in order for me to be my husband's POA. I highly recommend everyone to do the same as it would literally be a nightmare for me if this wasn't done. My husband has vascular dementia and had to go into a nursing home. He is very angry and blames me for this. A friend of his has convinced him to contact a lawyer and has tried to remove me as the Executer and is trying to force me to sell our home, etc. It has been a nightmare, not only trying to deal with the stress of my husband's illness but the fear of having someone rip my home away from me. Do you have any advice as to how to respond when friends and family members act in this way? They think they are acting in his best interest but they're not and do not comprehend how seriously ill he is. It is a constant battle with this one particular friend .

[@careip]

I hope you have some answers!

[@tawnteens]

I have a very similar situation. Family members who are not caring for the parent seem to distrust and backstab the caregiver

[@SparkingLife111]

What ever happened. That sounds incredinly stressful

[@martyleu1942]

Invite the friend to spend a day with your husband at the care centre. The whole day so they can witness meals etc. 😢

[@lorifarion5274]

My mom has memory loss from ischemic small vessel disease. She was recently admitted to nursing home long-term care. We live in Michigan. There is no POA or DPOA. Nursing home requires a DPOA. At a recent meeting I told the social worker that I would like to be my mom's medical POA. I was told by the social worker that in order to be mom's medical advocate, I would have to be the DPOA. (my oldest sister threw her arms up, declared that "I am putting Lori in charge" and left the meeting.) She also told me that because my mom is now in a nursing home, they have the necessary paperwork for obtaining DPOA status and will guide me through the process and file the paperwork. I have no interest in my mom's financials, which involves her bank account where her social security check is deposited. She has no other income. The other financial will be the sale of the cooperative she lives in when it comes time for Medicaid application, which will be soon. My sister and brother are already designated on her HOA paperwork as far as selling in the event of mom's death. So my question here is, is it really so, that I have to have DPOA in order to be mom's medical advocate? I do not want to be involved in her financials, or with my siblings in that matter. Again, we are in Michigan.

[@VanessaStar1031]

YES!! VERY HELPFUL!!! Thank you

[@sonyakayoftheusa2191]

Very valuable information. I am an only child and we elected to split the medical and financial POA because it is too much for one person to handle.

[@janetchun4476]

Exactly what I needed to know today! Thank you.

[@angelaharris1112]

I so agree. My son is going to be mine. But as I'm the patient we must get it done now. Just so hard to catch up to him!

[@oscardaone]

My mom is already unable to make decisions now. She never got power of attorney. I’m basically screwed at this point, but I’m technically still making decisions here and I worry about how to navigate this if she’s taken advantage of, especially with medical and financial.

[@Kentuckyrollinbolin]

My mother is 84 she named myself and my brother for both for both poa has been moved to memory care. I do not want to be poa of either. I am closer to facility and it’s hard enough to have to be there every other day. She was living in my home. Because of my medical issues she went into assisted living. She wondered from that place walked out in street 55 mph area luckily not hit but was moved to memory care immediately. Every time I go up there she has everything packed and ready to come back to my house. It’s a lot for me to handle. He rarely sees her but hopefully he will take care of poa issues cause it’s just too much for me.

[@wantsome-zs5sq]

My grandmother has dementia and I live with and take care of her. I cook I clean I do the shopping and more. My aunt has durable POA and I'm worried she's going to kick me out. I know it's not what my grandmother would want. My grandmother is still able to communicate and stuff. She makes her own cereal in the morning and showers on her own. But I have to make her other meals. As the day goes on she gets sun downers. Is there anything I can do to stop my aunt from completely taking over? She's on a power trip. If I get my grandmothers wishes recorded on my phone would it help my cause?

[@marieradcliffe885]

Very informative. Thank you

[@alfa5243]

My husband has vascular dementia. He resists the diagnosis and refuses to take any medication. When he doesn’t like a doctor he will just refuse to see them and makes an appointment to see a new doctor. I have tried to reason with him about his blood pressure meds and medications in general. I have given up discussions with him. If I can’t get corporation about the disease I can’t move forward.

[@JAM-xf4im]

You still can't make any decisions if the person is unwilling.

[@gquinonesjr3881]

Just what was needed. Thank you. What is the cost of obtaining a POA?. I learned what to expect and help my beloved wife. Thank you?

[@patrickflohe7427]

I would see an attorney that specializes in guardianships, and learn what is required in your state. Once you know what is required, you’ll have a better idea about what the cost will be.

[@GeorgiaUnity]

My issue here is that the loved one is bad off enough to not be capable of handling things on their own, but still completely defensive and in denial about the entire situation. So, I can't talk to their doctors and they don't know the full story (or have authorization to speak to anyone, at least) and without an evaluation you can't get POA or have them declared a ward...Ugh!!

[@AlwaysHappy494]

Hi, thanks for all your wonderful information. A question: My sister with "Alzheimers" first state, has an only son 50 yrs. and she doesn't want to sign any document to authorize her son for anything. What should he do? Thanks for your answer.

[@Knightinblue2061]

I am so glad I found you! So helpful

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Glad it was helpful!

[@alissagonzales735]

In all honesty I had no idea if my mother had dementia or a couple of loose screws. I finally decided it was a few loose screws because she liked everyone but me and she never like women. So I saw her one or two times a year. Then a brother who wasn't raised by her asked me if I thought mom had a loose screw. I just smiled he smiled back. I figured I liked staying far away from her because she could have killed me in one of her out of control rages. Before she passed on that was her wish for me to be dead.

[@christyevershappily4eversafter]

My mom is dragging her feet with appointing me as her health power of attorney. Her memory is starting to get bad really fast and although she hasn’t been diagnosed with dementia, her memory really concerns me and she’s 80. I keep talking to her about appointing me as her medical power of attorney and she keeps making excuses of why she’s not. Can you please tell me who makes the decisions for her if she doesn’t appoint a power of attorney. Because that may help her stop dragging her feet if she Realizes, that someone else will be making that kind of decision for her if I’m not. Because she knows that I care more about her well-being more than anyone else. Maybe she’ll get scared enough to finally do it. Is there anything else that I should know about the benefits of her, having a medical power of attorney, or the downside of not having a power of attorney for her health. So that I can explain those to her so that she can stop dragging her feet?

[@cherylarmstrong1985]

My brother can speak a few years ago he wanted me to be over him during the pandemic the nursing was not listening to me about my brother. After our mother passed away that’s who was over when he put me in he had lot the attorney know he wanted me over him. He was transferred out of one nursing home without my authorization. During that time they have the durable power of attorney in front of them, but they still transferred him out and then the lady said we talked about it.

[@cherylarmstrong1985]

Four months ago I commented about the the nursing home,because my story didn’t make sense. My brother can’t talk like we can due to the stroke. He wanted me to be over him but, during the pandemic time this nursing home social worker transferred my brother out of the nursing home. The social worker just would not listen to me as POA. When you have durable general power of attorney and medical power of attorney what does that mean because things is not good.

[@Latasha-rl8ch]

Very helpful very informative thanks a lot

[@trippymiracle1157]

What if no POAs have been established before dementia gets too bad AND there is no family member/friend to serve as one anyway? (I can't commit to any official, legal responsibilities due to the nature of my own health condition which is beginning to spiral out of control due to the stress of discovering my father in a bad state after not seeing him due to toxic dynamics in the relationship for many years. Due to the conditions he was in when I visited August 2019, I took him with me not knowing what I was getting myself into OR that he had vascular dementia OR that I would not receive the guidance/support to get him what he needs despite my inability to commit in a legal way. I've expressed my challenges and concerns to every medical place we went - the first was a VA outpatient clinic, then VA ER with hospital stay, then the 20 day nursing home and now the nursing home where he somehow was able to sign his own Admission Agreement. Is that shady???? I will do anything from a moral position, but I can not commit legally. I am really getting sick. Please help. I live in Texas. AND I sought 2 free legal resources. One could not help. The other, at the VA, needed paper work that, at this point, I can not get. I am overcooked. I can not do this anymore. Do I just call Adult Protective Services?? If so, what should I expect? Will he be moved to a different facility? Will I be able to visit him? Thank you for any help.

[@christinoneill9748]

My mom is blind and has dementia I am her full time caregiver, POA, and medical proxy. I'm doing my best, but it's never good enuf. She is a severe fall risk having fallen and broken 7 bones in 2 years. She currently broke her ankle and hand.

[@madelynnazario8361]

Without POA...your hands are tied.

[@hildadeguevara2922]

Hi! Mrs a power of attorney can be revoke?someone that I know has violated the power of attorney my friend needs help

[@nonacee5065]

In Tasmania the enduring POA is financial decisions and the enduring guardianship is for medical decisions. We had to sign both papers. The guardianship came into effect straight away. The POA will only come into play once certified that someone is 'non compus mentus' by dr. My husband is moderate dementia and we're almost at the point to get dr to activate POA. I'm already making all the decisions.

[@pattyg.6533]

Thank you doctor for all your videos.

[@erastube9032]

Great ! I love it.

[@janetfishwick8887]

My 93 year old mother has stage 4-5 Alzheimer's and lives on her own. My brother is her financial POA. Mother has reached the stage where she is no longer able to make her own decisions so I applied to be her Medical POA. Mother signed the forms and after speaking to the solicitor, I was told that since she was unaware of what she was signing, the application was fraudulent. Mother needs to be placed into a Nursing home due to her decreasing lack of mental capacity. The POA was to overrule her decision because we, her family, know that she will never consent to this. We cannot even get mother assessed because of the present covid restrictions. So she continues to defy her carers and continues to live a stubborn, wilful and consistent state of decline.

[@lisaadams780]

I hope you became aware that you would apply for guardianship over you mother. Look that up in the state she lives in.

[@janetfishwick8887]

@@lisaadams780 Thankyou for your advice. I am pleased to report that mother is now in a Care Home after a fall in June. There she will remain.

[@lalani888ARTblue]

This is really tough for the one child out of 2-3-5 or 6 ~ Who is the power of attorney ...But one sibling rails against medication ...period. How can the power of attorney navigate their way around sibling rivalry ?? Sorry...I see that you just pointed this out. I was thinking about the oldest daughter in my previous care position. One of her brothers was also power of attorney and he supported her decisions . Another sibling , a sister had absolute refusal towards meds but was rarely ever there for a whole day or an overnight with their mom. She popped in here and there ...🤷

[@rodswanson1505]

I just finish getting durable POA for med. and finaces for my mother oct /2021 something I have dreaded doing but necessary she has an aggressive form dementia and cancer I am retired police officer I scene and have saw a lot in my career, but this here is he most difficult matter I have ever had to encounter

[@cindywhitehouse1644]

My husband who is 59 was diagnosed with early dementia and he is progressing faster now. We do not a have a power of attorney. I was told today with his situation I would need to get guardianship of him because he doesn't understand what is happening. Any information on this would be helpful.

[@Chahlie]

I'm going to jump in here even though your comment is a year old. I am in Canada. I had to get the Public Guardian to get control over my brain injured son's money (long term disability payments). I didn't want any part of it due to violence. It was a simple matter of a court application with a couple letters saying that he was not competent to manage. Hope this helps someone. I am so sorry for the position you are in.

[@cindywhitehouse1644]

@@Chahlie thank you. I did get POA.

[@pamelamarkley-thomas7867]

My daughter was named POA for my mother & Uncle who I lived with since birth and was raised by Uncle. Due to the fact of myself being Handicapped ,My daughter was appointed , but I wasn’t able to enter my mother & uncle home to get property of mine that my mother had kept for me for years. I’m not understanding how I wasn’t permitted to go in home and then the POA kept everything & sold the rest. Some of my things are in storage and I’m not sure we’re that building is located?? My mother is in nursing home with dementia & my uncle past recently. There’s no Will nothing signed on paper at all. I don’t know what to do?? Can I ask for any suggestions? I got pushed into the dark. I can’t afford a lawyer on Disability. Do you have any suggestions on what I can do. The POA has been at the attorney who drawed up the POA papers for my mother and uncle but the other papers that are in file were never signed. I’m afraid that something was done improper. I only wish for what was held on to for years to be given to me. Thanks for reading this. Confused I am

[@dinotaaga7477]

Thank you Doc....

[@kellismith709]

Can i get power of attorney for my father while he is married but recently separated. His wife has a restraining order. He is 80 years old and has Dementia/Alzheimer

[@patrickflohe7427]

In a case like that, you would have to see a lawyer specializing in guardianships, right away.

[@NYCisland]

@@patrickflohe7427 Not true. A PoA is completely different than a guardianship. Anyone can create a PoA and give that to anyone they wish. The daughter can be named PoA for her father and his wife has nothing to do with it. A guardian requires medical review and a judge to assign someone as their legal guardian. It carries way more weight than a PoA.

[@patrickflohe7427]

@@NYCisland When the person in question can no longer make decisions for their self, The person who has guardianship will then have power of attorney. Someone has to be the guardian for a person who cannot make their own decisions. I am going through this right now, and you can’t just take power of attorney away from someone who has it. A person with dementia or Alzheimer’s can’t be designating people to do this for them, so the Guardian ad Litem makes that decision. Who else would give the daughter the Power of Attorney?

[@jeraldgarner1636]

I’m in a situation where I am the only child and my mother, who is single has become incapacitated neurologically and is in the Intensive care unit now. She never signed any Power of Attorney. I was called by the hospital to speak on her behalf. A social worker also called me to verify who I am. It’s to the point where I need to pay her bills and take care of her affairs. I do not know who to start with and which POA I need to have filled out. Medial POA, Financial POA and or both?

[@ellendaniels3026]

Get a Health Care Manager (your own, who advocates for you & your mom. The hospital Care/Case Manager works solely for the finacial interest of the hospital. See an Elder Law Attorney for help.