Demetri Martin Figured Out Why Everyone’s In A Rush In New York: They All Have To Pee

[@mcjtlr]

I’m genuinely only commenting because he deserves the engagement. Demetri Martin gave me light during my dark times.

[@xPastafarian]

I’ll do the same. Comment mode engaged for funny man make us feel good

[@danimation88]

This dude hasnt aged in 20 years. "I think the worst time to have a heart attack..... is during a game of charades..."

[@12trguitar]

Or fake heart attack

[@marctouss1862]

i saw the thumbnail and was sure it was an old clip..

[@brandonjustis]

​@@12trguitarfollowed by naps

[@buddhavskungfu]

I wished I kept my helmet of hair

[@shinylittlegoldfish]

Hasn’t had a haircut in 20 years. 50 year old Beiber. Not a good look

[@zedmelon]

(Demetri sits down) "I feel like this is going well." The audience wasn't ready for that gag, but Stephen should've caught it. I'm a little disappointed.

[@tr1co0]

Stephen is at his weakest when hosting other funny people

[@chris_franco1]

My first thought exactly

[@DarthD00bius]

The thing about Demetri's style of comedy, in my opinion, is that most of his jokes are creeper jokes. He delivers the punchline, gives the audience a few seconds to think about it, and THEN gets the laugh. It works great in his act but doesn't necessarily translate to the talk show format. ("creeper" meaning it creeps up on you, not like he's creepy).

[@s_SoNick]

Demitri Martin has always been one of my favorite comedians! I usually only watch the monologues each weeknight on KZbin, but there is no way I'd miss a Demetri Martin interview!

[@Oddysey182]

Ditto

[@jrscisneros]

Me too

[@kitcoffey7194]

For real

[@SayAhh]

Was the entire interview a giant palidrome?

[@solemnwaltz]

Word

[@thebookofcurtis]

One night, I was watching a Demetri Martin Special and my 10 year old son walks in. He had never really seen stand up before. He couldn’t stop laughing. Literally in stitches. Watching him laugh that hard is one of my fondest memories. This man is funny.

[@theEumenides]

Love Demetri Martin!

[@chadclose4186]

❤⁴

[@kaisersozen]

The 7 & 10 joke was elite Demetri

[@ttacking_you]

Hmmph 😤 "Elite Demetri" feels an awful lot like "quintessential Kevin Nealon."

[@ttacking_you]

.. not saying that's stolen, though? It's definitely not but that "non sequitur beat" was Nealon and actually goes back to Jack Paar, far as I can trace it

[@lorenblaine5275]

Demetri is a genius, not just a comedic genius, but a super big brain guy. He used to write palindrome poems (reads the same forward and backwards like: A man, a plan, Panama) but he wrote some hundreds of words long. I didn't think they were great poetry, but still pretty damn impressive.

[@daniellindner7386]

a man apnalp a nam a?

[@cjrory]

A man, a plan, a canal - Panama! (Referring to Theodore Roosevelt)

[@lorenblaine5275]

​@@cjrory Your right, I was wrong. Needed the "a canal".

[@thatoneguy1821]

This was peak comedy 😂

[@ascent8487]

This guy makes Paul Rudd look like he’s aging poorly.

[@ScaleScarborough-jq8zx]

Still, I imagine Rudd’s had a more youthful life.

[@cavebearstudio6517]

Paul Rudd is 55. I feel like it’s hard to balance 50 looking 30 v 55 looking 32…

[@pablot-r9402]

They both limit their alcohol intake. Try it for a year, you'd be surprised how much better you look in just one month. That crap ages you from the organs outward.

[@TreFastial-m1y]

Demetri opens with a joke and Stephen absolutely drops the ball. Right outta the god damn gate.

[@teradaloo]

There was no "yes and" from Stephen through the whole interview. Just nope not gonna happen.

[@wharsmetoothpicson9465]

I think Stephen is one of the best inteviewers around but I wonder if he has a blindspot with stand ups. The Bill Burr one wasn't great either.

[@tristanmccoppin5761]

It does seem like he prefers to sabotage comedians… I’m no expert of course. What do you guys think?

[@brankin421]

I wonder if Stephen just dislikes when comedians come on and test material rather than have an actual conversation.

[@zedmelon]

@@brankin421 Interesting point. You might be onto something here.

[@naryanr]

A girl I've never met before came up to me in the airport and hugged me, then when she took a look at my face she got very embarrassed and said, *_“Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else,”_* and I said *_“I am.”_*

[@ilovefunnyamv2nd]

That line used to be funny, but after the great lockup, so many people were touch deprived that could have been a pickup line

[@michaelboso9355]

"I'm allergic to everything and it's a real hassle because I travel all the time. On the bright side, if I ever decide to end it all, I can just go to any 7-11."

[@sparkythancztwise]

@@ilovefunnyamv2nd Used to be? I think it's hilarious/awesome. And I was seriously "touch deprived" long before and after the end of lockdown.

[@naryanr]

@@sparkythancztwise I feel you (no pun intended). If you want an excuse to touch people just join any martial arts class. Judo and BJJ are particularly.... cozy :)

[@TheGiggleMasterP]

That comment saying he's 50 is correct. I had to look it up and I still only half believe it. 😅

[@feebeedoc78]

I saw this guy opening for Flight of the Conchords in NZ maybe 10 years ago - still making me laugh.

[@sevenirises]

Demetri Martin is so funny. Love his humor and style.

[@MulrySquare]

The special is solid. Uniquely funny, like DM always is.

[@tl3rdcs1]

Really wish Stephen would've gotten that first bit, "I feel like this is going well." So funny 😂😂 but then it got awkward

[@ragweedmakesmesneeze]

I'm shocked at Stephen's apparent inability to connect with Martin. It's like he was somewhere else other than on his own show interviewing a guest.

[@loandbehold5178]

I love this guy! Just watched his Netflix special!!

[@ronnilangostino2241]

So many times Colbert could have made This segment better.

[@hammun6]

Can you imagine living inside Demetri's head? This guy is like the Wes Anderson of comedy. Even if it's not your type of comedy, it's impossible to feel indifferent towards it! He's really something special! Love the guy!

[@sstolarik]

This segment doesn’t do him justice. Great comedian.

[@tropes2087]

I have watched that special and Can confirm it is excellent.

[@adamblair138]

Glad to see so many others freaked out that Demetri Martin looks the same now as he did in 2004

[@callmeneutrino7136]

Really, he just looked twenty years older back then 😊

[@A_A_K_123]

DM is like Steven Wright: witty, conceptual, and wry. Hilarious!

[@calexprenas]

Wow. Demetri is one of few comedians that are actually as funny in natural conversation as they are on stage. There were many times he left a thread hanging for Stephen to continue a funny joke but Stephen completely killed it off instead, lol. Absolutely love Demetri’s low-key but hilarious sense of humor.

[@scottbaxendale323]

If you think being on Colbert isn’t being onstage I worry about you.

[@calexprenas]

@@scottbaxendale323 clearly was referring to doing stand up but thanks for the snark

[@scottbaxendale323]

@@calexprenas My point is: Every celebrity is never in what you call a “natural” conversation when there is a camera on. It’s ALWAYS a performance. We’ve loved a lot of monsters over the years due to this fact. They are always acting.

[@calexprenas]

@@scottbaxendale323 Sure, but that’s true of any conversation we see with any comedian, unless we’re personal acquaintances with various comics which presumably most of us aren’t. Obviously my comment was making a statement within that context, which is the only possible one for most of us: He is much funnier in conversation than most other comedians I’ve seen interviewed. Not sure why you need that spelled out or feel you need to point out something that is exceedingly obvious. And though obviously everything on the screen is preplanned to some degree, there’s plenty of spontaneity that can also come through - you can tell that in this case by the way half of his humor fell flat on Stephen lol

[@scottbaxendale323]

@@calexprenas see my last comment where I explained myself. Let’s move on, and agree that he’s a decent comedian.

[@Wico90YT]

New special is great. He's been solid for decades

[@YTSlide]

"You can say that you like children and everyone is fine. But you don't want to be specific like, I like 8-year old girls. Then you're a pervert". 😂

[@sparkythancztwise]

I like him, not a hater- but that joke has been done. It's old/tired.

[@sparkythancztwise]

Maybe others have copied *his* joke too many times. idk I enjoyed his earliest work but haven't rewatched any of it in ages. Was that one of his own early famous jokes? Maybe he was the first to come up with that?

[@probablyapigeon]

Dimitri is top tier comedy, he's in my top 5, this guy is truly fucking hilarious 😂

[@Doug-mu2ev]

NY truth: Nobody can pee anywhere but somebody is peeing EVERYWHERE!

[@kitcoffey7194]

And it's not women

[@ScaleScarborough-jq8zx]

You might conclude that the norm involves the denial of the basic fact of urination as a regular, non-optional mammalian bodily function. Beauty is pain, my friends!

[@samanthaharris7914]

I love him so much! His drawings always get me.

[@loganastrup6870]

His new special is great! He’s probably my favorite comedian

[@rjpittman4510]

Been watching Martin since I was in high school 14 years ago. I don't know of any comedian who does "Shower Thought Humor" better than he does

[@apatternedhorizon]

If you haven't watched Demetri's "If I" special on youtube, you should.

[@briecheezit]

Has always been my favorite comedian. He's best when he's in charge of his own timing though, so I'm not surprised this format wasn't the best. He was pretty personable and cool still, I just feel like Stephen wasn't picking up the vibe.

[@xdecroix]

This man is a genius.

[@emu_warrior]

very average

[@Jivolt]

Literally a genius.

[@podracer35]

I remember seeing his "Jokes with Guitar" video on KZbin ages ago and man... He's just got such a fun chill vibe with his humor

[@Kishiwii]

demetri martin is such a soothing, easy listening, fun time. i could laugh at his jokes if i were paying attention to understand the smart side of them or while im multitasking and not paying direct attention to him. hes also aged like like he was just in suspended animation all this time. or like time itself moves slow for him specifically. who else ages this well? seriously. i dont think anyone could compete. not even paul rudd.

[@seventen7195]

it went well

[@cavebearstudio6517]

I was just talking about Demitri Martin and no one remembered who he was. I was like he had this super funny joke about glitter being the herpes of craft supplies.

[@hollyxhawkes]

Wait is this Ice Bear from We Bare Bears?

[@bonniejwee62]

yes

[@hollyxhawkes]

@@bonniejwee62 I been watching lately he’s my fav bear 🐻

[@breezyncj]

My kids had a phase watching that brilliant show and I was like 👂👂👂Demetri?! 😂

[@lashendawest7509]

We love Demetri Martin and stephen colbert

[@Sl0thL0veChunk]

Demetri Martin has always been a favorite of mine. He's right up there with Hedberg for me. Give the man some love!

[@MiguelRodriguez2010]

Demetri is such a comedic genius.

[@Dan-Simms]

I haven't seen his specials yet, kinda fell off of stand up but i used to love this guys comedy, so funny, looks like i got a lot of catching up to do.

[@Robil63]

I love your brain, DM (I'm not a zombie)

[@saulteanuts-vg8iu]

If you're a battery you're either working or you're dead.

[@ripvanstinkle]

That crowd work joke is genius.

[@askthepaperclip]

The rare case where Steves's gift for matching the vibe and energy of the guest backfired big time😅

[@lynemac2539]

He was fabulous in Lake Bell's movie, "In a World."

[@SA1upsb]

Dimitri Martin's 3 part connected special seems a lot like the format of James Acaster's

[@rhiannonexotic5616]

There's nowhere to Pee! Went there once! I had the same problem! 😂

[@adziuba12]

Only time I’ve ever peed in a car (Gatorade bottle) was NYC. Damn it’s so spot on

[@mikehersh6192]

He was in Tucson last week

[@emmasayers7576]

When I was in Time Square, I really needed to pee. Annoyed that the only option seemed to be going to a cafe and buying a coffee, I dove into the nearest Starbucks and became a link in the whizzing service chain that spat me outside within what seemed like 10 seconds, holding a bucket of coffee and still needing to pee... Maybe that's why the cups are so big?

[@burnettdown512]

Just saw him in Tucson last weekend. So cool to see him here right after!

[@EwokPanda]

This guy is 50....

[@gavriloking5637]

😮

[@calexprenas]

He should do an anti-aging comedy special

[@c0mpu73rguy]

O.O He looks younger than me and I’m in my freaking 30’s!

[@geisteswissenschaft]

…it’s the wig.

[@vadim7590]

The hair covers most of his face tho

[@lmzaadi]

I get a hotel room twice a week to poop in peace.

[@kitcoffey7194]

If you only poop 2x a qeek, you're constipated. Eat more veggies and see a doctor, and send me the $ you save from not needing hotels anymore.

[@ttacking_you]

He's got that Kevin Nealon steez!

[@sammy-whirl8500]

I saw him grocery shopping once in 2017. Was so starstruck.

[@steveconn]

Demetri a genius. Still miss his old show. Bruce the Funny Dog (actually plenty of dank alleys for a quick pee ❤)

[@jijitters]

Love this guy. Probably the first comedian I got really into as a kid and he's still going strong.

[@aftonair]

I love Dimitri Martin! Great to see him again.

[@BlueManIan]

He's taping ANOTHER special this Saturday in Denver! I'm so excited!

[@ChrisCanas]

I haedly ever watch the interviews. But this one was worth it even if Stephen is weird with other funny people. Demetri is always on point.

[@mostly_insane2291]

Peter Pan does stand up now? 😂

[@kevinfager.]

Yayyyy. Been watching this guy since high school. So nearly half my life. Also introduced me to a dope song from “Taking Woodstock.” Don’t remember the movie but the song is Red Telephone by Love.

[@whafrog]

Loved this guy since he first appeared on the Daily Show, and then his 2 season show. Slowest punch lines ever...

[@lawbinson]

Haven’t seen Demetri in a few years it seems. He was one of my favorite comedians.

[@ineedthatglass]

Haven’t seen this guy in years.

[@jehanr]

his flip chart stuff killed on ebaumsworld

[@yowut2386]

He’s super funny. Demitri is one of my favorite comedians.

[@yurielcundangan9090]

Demetri peeing with the cab drive pause🤪

[@maxolydian9115]

Demetri adopting a tortoise is so on brand

[@Jivolt]

Watching Deconstructed right now and it is glorious. “Horses have mullets.” Horse portion complete. And everyone that meets him will now say, “Hey… tiny fan.”

[@AlecBurriss]

Love this guy. Been a fan since I think maybe 2008? He hasn’t aged A DAY since. What is his secret?

[@jimmyispromo]

This is why you always stay clean shaven and 90s high school haircut 😂😂

[@tacen7]

Stephen's ego gets in the way of his interviews. Demetri started off with a joke by immediately saying "I feel like this is going well", which I thought was pretty funny, but Stephen clearly didn't like not being in control: "let's not blow it; let's not get cocky". I clicked because Demetri Martin is reliably funny, but Stephen spoiled the joke with his ungracious response.

[@stevemammarella]

I really wanted Demetri to use Jon Lampley's Pocket-Sized Rescue Trumpet somewhere in there.

[@luzsanchez3050]

ROFLOL!!😊😅

[@jackdumont1481]

The one thing that I can't get over is that he keeps getting younger looking every time I see him...and I've read that he's my age!

[@Liberum69]

I can't believe he's still sporting that oughts cut.

[@matthewfarmer2520]

His hair looks like Ringo Starr 😊

[@jimmyispromo]

This dude has one Wardrobe and never ages

[@Hhhk345]

Cut! I said move tiny bit. Not big bit or small bit, tiny bit. And I don’t know why you can’t blink like a normal person but blink like a normal person. Or don’t blink at all. Those are your choices.

[@maryvallettakeith6146]

Love that headline. 🤣 And, as a former New Yorker, I can attest to that fact. Worst city in the world for public toilets.

[@bradmodd7856]

The only comic as polite as Andy Kaufman

[@jackieboyborden]

Bryant Park has public restrooms

[@jeffmccloud905]

Jeez, I'm only two months older than Demetri but I look two decades older.

[@edwardhartley1429]

No self-respecting New Yorker doesn't know where to pee. He mentioned Bryant Park; the New York Public Library is right there. For one.

[@randyeisensmith1483]

Yes. And some of the city's nicest public bathrooms are located on the north end of the Park. They have actual attendants, flowers, the works. Nicest public toilets I've seen in any major city in the world.

[@pgknippel]

Is it just me or was that a weird interview?

[@dielaughing73]

Kinda. I didn't think much of his material but Stephen wasn't giving him much either

[@colin-nekritz]

You clearly don’t know Dimitri Martin’s humor

[@pgknippel]

@@colin-nekritz Sure I do...i'm a big fan! It's called "an opinion". "Clearly"....that's adorable. Aren't you just suddenly all credible-like?

[@gigi-ij1hk]

There's actually a very clean, well-appointed public bathroom at Bryant Park but that shouldn't stand in the way of a joke

[@kitcoffey7194]

Only 3 stalls for women. Always a line. I've seen lines on the men's side too. So. Maybe 8 million plus people needs more than...2 bathrooms. A thought.

[@gigi-ij1hk]

@@kitcoffey7194 There's also a giant Whole Foods with a gender-neutral bathroom across the street from the park so really this joke would have worked better in a different part of town altogether

[@dianeatpeace337]

He's definitely been away from NYC for too long if it doesn't remember that the main branch of the NY Public Library is a block from Bryant Park with public bathrooms for alll

[@HewJorgan]

Demetri should audition for the starring role in "John Lennon " the movie. He looks exactly like a 30 year old John Lennon.

[@jijitters]

I see it.

[@ihatekpeng]

But Bryant Park has the best public bathrooms.

[@duncandolittle]

Seemed like there was some tension here, Colbert seemed unwilling to banter with DM and play into his stories. Colbert needs to take a page out of the Conan book of how to interview a comedian.

[@godofrock]

So deadpan !

[@carolyncasner4806]

How do you maintain the same hairstyle for so long?

[@HermitLady]

Stephens not much of a fan of Demetri, it seems. 😂

[@igorschmidlapp6987]

I'd watch his 3 episode connected specials, but I think that I'll wait for the prequels... ;-P

[@omalor]

Havent heard from him in over 10 years, glad he looks the same! Any other celebrity would have a full white beard!

[@jimmyispromo]

Looks like a young tom cruise

[@alexerskine9173]

Man, Colbert really stepped all over Demetri’s bits here. Really awkward interview.

[@yurielcundangan9090]

Demetri peein in NYC is 😂😊