Dependency, Codependency, and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

MY COLLAR IS UP, UGH - SORRY, BUT THE INFO IS GOOD :)
Dependency, Codependency, and BPD
Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox:
In English: goo.gl/LQEgy1
In Spanish: tinyurl.com/55f8tz86
In Polish: tinyurl.com/npzs9f98
Dependency and codependency are often confused because they overlap in many ways. This common feeling and confusion is part and parcel to traits in those with BPD. Let’s dive into it here and help you understand it and I’ll talk about how you can best manage it.
First, let’s define what each means. There is a PD called dependent personality disorder, and it’s estimated to be present in about ½ a percent of the general population. It’s an inescapable and intense need to be taken care by an identified other that leads to submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation.
We'll discuss dependent PD, but also codependency. This term has become very colloquial and not clinical. In this video discuss the common symptoms of codependency.
The key to breaking the Dependency and codependency cycle and lessen the traits is to learn about yourself and your core content. It’s your core content that drives your urges and dependency behaviors. It is possible to do it differently.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: www.drdfox.com/books
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
KZbin: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: [e-mail]
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

[@roxy7602]

Thank you for being the only person in the past couple of months who has allowed me feel human despite having BPD

[@evadebruijn]

The stigma is dehumanizing but selfstigma is where self hate really flourishes, been there done that, hope you're smarter than me because I let it dictate 25 years of my life of feeling like I had no right to exist (which was coming from internalizing the stigma) which was more hell than any of the 9 symptoms. Have you tried Schematherapy? Oh and the irony is that it all stemmed from childhood, bpd symptoms as a perfectly normal response to being the family scapegoat. Wish you the best of luck on your healing journey 🍀❤🤗❤🍀💪🖒

[@Jestrath]

I always felt like that were something fundamentally wrong with me as a human being and that I was unlovable, cursed. When I found about bpd and got diagnosed my life and past suddenly started to make sense. The sad thing is that so much of the damage has already been done. I've got so many relationships I can never fix no matter how much I would like to.

[@leahflower9924]

The only people who don't act human are narcissists and psychopaths lol...there's hope for all the rest of us though

[@leahflower9924]

@@evadebruijn yes! I self diagnosed myself as borderline but it took me ten more years to self diagnose as the scapegoat and see the connection between the two

[@haley7708]

This is so sad but true. I wish his knowledge was common.

[@familyguy6668]

Codependency is my biggest struggle, I almost feel worthless being on my own. Like life is not worthy living without being loved by someone. that emptiness always lingers within me..why am I unlovable to people and why cant i love myself ? Theres also codenpendnecy on drugs, especially when you isolate yourself from people :/

[@lordmysaviour5738]

Jesus loves you :)

[@Shortkonner]

Hey, listen, i know your situation and im so sorry. I wish i could hug you.

[@BBWahoo]

Curse you insecure attachment!!

[@ice11.]

Its not true , i am sure you are lovely and so funny like my bpd friend .

[@cherp5837]

A nice community like church and live of Jesus can help to a great extent

[@aariyahsymone4162]

My biggest struggle but now I’m refusing everyone not letting in anymore to cause more damage

[@stephanier6783]

Collar? I didn't even notice your collar... until I scrolled down to THANK YOU in the comment section and saw your comment about your collar being up...and then I had to scroll up to see what the heck you're talking about. Dr. Fox, we do not care if your collar is up, down, up on one side and down on the other, on a box, or with a fox (Sueusisms!). We do not care about silly, unimportant things BUT we DO CARE ABOUT YOU and value the knowledge that you so generously share for free, along with all of the time you put into compiling this information, and editing these videos before you post them. We like you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE and we value you for WHO YOU ARE, not the shirt your wearing...not your collar....none of that superficial stuff. We like you just the way you are, even when your collar is "up". : )

[@mandylouadkins]

This feels like a real therapy session 😊

[@angelaissa456]

I never read or heard someone explaining dependency, co-dependency, BPD and there correlation in that clarity and depth of mind. What a deep analysis. Thank you so much

[@gabbyacuna2769]

Ive commented a billion times on IG, Facebook, and here, but I cant express how grateful I am for your videos and workbook. It's the only thing helping me through this nightmare of ups and downs. Your book and videos are my therapy, because my therapist who diagnosed me with it does not have experience with it. And as we all know, insurance is useless, and the therapists that specialize in BPD are too expensive, and most dont even take it. So most of us suffer in silence. I'm lucky to even KNOW what this is. Ive only known for 2 yrs but it has nearly destroyed my life in so many ways since I was about 16. Using your book helps me "untangle" the wires of emotions to find the one thats damaged/torn and causing the issue. It is extremely difficult to do so, and Ive gone days, weeks, months, in the past, walking through a fog because I had no idea why I was engaging in such strange, dangerous, disastrous behavior. I had no idea why the impulses to do certain things, think certain things, believe certain things were so strong. Now I get it. Something I've found myself realizing is that the media portrays borderlines as manipulative, crazy, malignant individuals who have no feelings. Whenever I was accused of being "cold, horrible, crazy," it was always because someone would really hurt me or offend me (or I thought they did), so I would just forget them the next day for the rest of my life, or get really angry and rage, and more...but in my head these actions were normal and justified. I didnt feel like I was doing anything wrong. A good portion of my splitting habit stems from falling for emotionally abusive men...I dont realize it until im in the relationship weeks or months in, and as a BPD, I attach quickly. so my question is, can you do a video on BPD individuals as the victims? I see so many articles that portray us as the abusers, but I know a lot of us fall for abusive partners and endure so much psychological pain trying to reconcile how someone so loving at first could break us so horribly. I know you did one on narcs and bpd couples, but I dont think I heard anything like what im describing. it seems paradoxical. on one hand, we are paranoid of getting abandoned and try to avoid anyone who would reject us, but then on the other hand, we fall for abusers because we cant seem to trust our intuition. thank you for all the work you do dr. Fox. i appreciate you so much.

[@yungfoodstampzzz9878]

I definitely relate to your story all to well. I'm almost positive my ex is narcissistic and she destroyed me and broke me down for 5 years so bad that it's making the healing part of the breakup impossible because she sucked out every last drop of my self image and confidence that I'm constantly seeking external validation during the highs when I know that's the last thing I need and I should be focusing on myself. I hate this damn cycle I'm stuck in

[@abidalam9359]

I am dating someone with BPD and your channel is a gold mine. Thank you for doing what you are doing ♥️

[@khoakdoan]

Run

[@jensen4993]

How'd it work out

[@abidalam9359]

@@jensen4993 I’m dating someone else without BPD. 💀

[@jspider6185]

10:25 very relatable. I have this problem with my therapist, where he said I could email and sometimes he replies but mostly doesn't. I now refuse to email him because it hurts too much.

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

That’s the abandonment issue kicking in, I have the same problem. The only thing is, my therapist was real up front and said, It’s okay if you email me, but I may not always be able to respond. So I knew ahead of time he may not respond which made it a lot easier. Hope that helps! Good luck!

[@mimiboucher5701]

Oh me too me too and i got angery at being abandonded in my mind

[@KittyKat-xg4tx]

I love that you say its ok to pause the video and collect yourself, then to reassure you're still there and not going anywhere. Thats a huge help when having a moment. ❤

[@christi_nya]

Dr foxx really helps with the abandonment fears because you always know he's gonna be uploading

[@FilthyFish]

Everything you said was exactly what i feel and struggle with. Im at the point where its not worth having friends/relationships, or even trying to speak to other people because i will ruin it or send myself threw agonizing mental pain overthinking obsessing the friendship or relationship. I dont wanna be alone but wish i didn’t exist

[@DrDanielFox]

This is a hard dichotomy to be in. It is important to stay the course and continue to focus on building self-awareness and what you want out of relationships. I wish you all the best.

[@meowmom3296]

Me too. I don't see the point anymore.

[@merindadiesel3370]

Abandonement anxiety is my biggest problem and also the dopamine hit you r talking about. Thank you soooo much for your videos!!!

[@Miss_Lexisaurus]

OMG this is so me. BPD is so hard. It's interesting you say about lack of insight being a common issue because every therapist and psychiatrist I've ever seen has said, in a surprised way, that I have incredible insight into myself and my illness. Unfortunately that hasn't translated especially well into coping with it but there we go! I'm working through your workbook at the moment, thank you for that, it's really helpful.

[@FilthyFish]

Wow i relate to your comment, i had same thought. Always been told my insight is good but forget about all of it in the heat of the moment when i need the insight the most

[@pixieheart9303]

Me too! I have these moments of clarity when I can see and easily describe the reasons for bad behavior but I don't seem to know I'm doing it when I'm in the middle of it!

[@yungfoodstampzzz9878]

One of my friends and a few strangers have told me I have an amazing sense of self awareness and they envy that. I know what's wrong with me and that I'm borderline but refuse therapy because I'm good at making up excuses for myself and I don't see the point when I already know what's wrong with me yet I can't control the coping mechanisms that trigger me

[@maissahb]

I was diagnosed with BPD just a few months ago at age 30... Thank you so much for expressing how I feel so much better than I ever could. I have been binge watching your videos for the last few days... Thank you sooo much Dr. Fox! I cannot tell you how much help it has been to feel understood! I'm on a waiting list for DBT therapy and will be following your advice until I get in!!!

[@johncaldwell4140]

Yooooooooo, me too. Distant hugs 🤗🤗

[@Jestrath]

Do you also feel like you wish you have gotten earlier? Like life might have been less painful if you could have just gotten help.

[@artsmith4285]

@@Jestrath heck , yea .. Diagnosed @ 60 w/ BPD Now .. 8 years w/ DBT Thank God .!. You kidds all have a good chance of finding a purposeful life .!. MGB and keep us all

[@artsmith4285]

Maissa .. Buckle your seatbelt and push that ole peddle right through the floor .!. DBT is a way "to be" .. MGB You and Yours

[@Yamikaiba123]

Thankyou for explaining this. I wish I had understood that my ex-girlfriend had more needs than she was willing to tell me. Our relationship near the middle felt like me reaching for mildly entertaining things to do with her, because I didn't have any clear idea of what she was interested in. I think I should have pushed more inquisitively... asked her more about her life, had more personal conversations. Instead of trying to entertain each other with passtimes or sex (without learning what she is into in either case), exploring each other as people simply face-to-face, deepening our familiarity, trust, and intimacy. (THEN the sex could be good.) It was my first romance, so I learnt relationship fundamentals (sadly) by a trial and error process that was very painful for her, and eventually for me.

[@ParmyJan]

The way you speak makes me believe your a great psychologist, an amazing friend and the best father all at once. Wishing you all the best man you deserve every great things the world has to offer. I hope all the good you do to the world return right back to you. Take care of yourself!!!

[@rachelrobinson4416]

Thanks for this video. Unfortunately I’ve been thru this cycle so many times in relationships. Can definitely be embarrassing and hard to stop these behaviors

[@luchirimoya]

Today I learned that I'm not really dependent, but I'm definitely 100% COdependent, that was such an accurate description of who I am. Also I can't believe I bought your book a while back, and I just now found your YT channel!! Thank you Dr Fox!! :D

[@DrDanielFox]

That’s awesome and I’m glad that you’re finding my material helpful. I wish you all the best

[@Carnifexx141]

It’s amazing and almost scary how accurately you describe these things I am feeling, like the dopamine hit I crave when I send a text to a specific person and I am waiting for a response to get that hit. Thank you for these videos Dr. Fox.

[@alliellioxenfree]

I've been the 'favorite person' for several years now to my quiet borderline friend. This is spot on.

[@silvershadow7655]

@jenna5960 Are you kidding? Being someone's FP is a totally inappropriate and unhealthy dynamic.

[@silvershadow7655]

@jenna5960 Being someone's 'FP' has meant being stalked, harassed and terrorized. It's baffling that you would think someone would be upset not to be in that position. In a healthy relationship, nobody is your emotional tampon - you don't own anyone.

[@tangent94]

@jenna5960 I'm pretty sure I've been the FP before. Its actually shit, and i would not recommend it. Mine wasn't even cruel, or a stalker. Being put on a pedestal, in itself, fucking sucks.

[@persapphone]

@@silvershadow7655 it doesn’t always mean being stalked, harassed, and terrorised. It depends on the person with bpd. It is an unhealthy dynamic, absolutely, but don’t demonise us by saying we all stalk, harass, and terrorise. Your bad experiences don’t justify demonising everyone with bpd.

[@silvershadow7655]

@@persapphone The poster above was making out being someone's FP is a good thing. I was merely responding that actually it isn't. You don't want these things to be demonised - but romanticising it certainly isn't helpful.

[@xbrokenXcrayonsx]

This subscriber comment and your analysis was really helpful to me. One year ago, I began to develop a really close friendship with someone online, as with COVID we both had ample time to communicate for hours every single day. We never set any boundaries. One day she didn't message me and my fear of abandonment, and feelings of worthlessness sprang up with a vengeance. I messaged "Are we not talking anymore" and we had a disagreement from that. The last time we'd argued she had stuck it out and we came to an agreeable conclusion. This time, she needed a break. She said she wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day (setting a boundary) because she needed the space. Anxiety, shame, guilt, and so many horrible emotions set in, and I just couldn't sit still or focus on anything. Eventually the fear that she would log on the next day and tell me she never wanted to speak to me again was too much and I blocked her all over social media. Then I wrote an email as confusing as my actions, both scathing and loving. I regretted the decision as soon as I made it, knew I would regret it before I did anything, but the impulse for self destruction was too strong. Anyway, we're no longer friends and she was my favorite person and I went through a really long low point. I learned more about myself from that experience than I had in the last decade of my life though.

[@KaraJeanne8344]

Dr. Fox, your books and videos have been critical, in helping me to identify areas of my life that need improvement. Thank you, for all that you do, for those of us who are struggling.

[@xc4rt3r5]

i am literally drowning. you are the only person who makes me feel heard. thank you.

[@AStarryEyedLife]

Codependency is hard. I found myself in a relationship with someone who has BPD for almost three years. He refused to have insight or get help and I enabled. I learned a lot about myself from this relationship. I feel that I also learned how I became codependent. My father has massively intense anxiety and when I was young he drank to cope with it. I asked him multiple times to stop drinking as a child and he did not. Not because he didn’t love me but because he was struggling too much too see the big picture. I developed a sense of unworthiness. As if my emotions did not matter because my dad just would not get proper help for his problem. Since this happened when I was a child and children lack abstract thinking I felt that he wouldn’t change because I wasn’t good enough to change for. Thus, codependency blossomed. I went after men that ignored my own emotional needs and I focused completely on theirs because subconsciously if I was good enough to make someone change then I was just that, good enough. Does this make sense? The habits are so hard to break and a video just on co dependency would be so helpful and validating.

[@aprileliana]

I have had the same childhood relationship with my father who was an alcoholic. And I developed the same exact patterns with men. I no longer seek a relationship because I feel like I cannot handle the intense pain of a breakup as that has been the result each time. It has been over 20 years since I have been in one.

[@isratjahansuddhi]

Dr. Foxman making our quality of life better! 💪💪💪

[@aristeadigiacomo4706]

One of the most relatable videos I've ever watched...Thank you Dr. Fox.

[@DrDanielFox]

Wow, thank you!

[@user-zy6tv6ch9f]

every time i click on a video i end up crying cause you put in words whats happening to me like it’s insane. it’s hard to live a life having bpd without proper treatment. my doctors are not at this level and there aren’t people specialized in one or another diagnosis in my country

[@jaysonramos4724]

Codependency another huge struggle for me. Thanks dr.fox needed this

[@maillemacanaugh1841]

What’s striking me as so sad about the codependency, is that it seems like they have normal desires, it’s just the need is disproportionate to the desire. This has been an extremely insightful video, it’s really helping me understand some people in my life that I care about.

[@lovelylady7480]

Omg. You explained so well. It feels like you’re hold a mirror up to me WOW

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad it was helpful!

[@claireconway8510]

Phenomenal. So easy to understand! The real life examples bring me even further clarity about the disorders. Very well done 👏

[@gwenwatson8339]

Thank you for all your videos and great insights. It’s helped me lots finding you Dr. Fox.

[@fantasyland07]

Such a good description of codependency, thank you!!

[@carmenwalker8889]

Thank you so much for this video! I was able to identify with so many of these traits. Thanks for the insight.

[@anotherhumanbeing9171]

Thank u so much for this ! I was studying tell I got the notif video and now I feel like I learnt so much about codepandcy!

[@mustard3450]

Wow. Thank you for explaining myself to me. This was really awesome and I’m going to rewatch tomorrow!

[@emmadavis8665]

thank you for helping us to help ourselves and our personal relationships. you put out so much good information for people with BPD. ❤️ i appreciate you Dr. Fox.

[@laylaluna2376]

Everything you’re saying is spot on. I’m not diagnosed with BPD but have a lot of the symptoms. You have helped me understand myself so much better. You’re the only therapist I feel that has helped me and I’ve never even met you in real life. Crazy how that works lol The feeling of emptiness is unbearable. The confusion makes you feel so foggy and depleted. Constantly questioning every little minuscule thing. For me personally I disassociate a lot too. I often silence myself and let my partners make decisions. I’m all over the place with this comment haha but thank you for creating this safe space. Thank you for being so intelligent and understanding. I would be interested to know if you’ve ever been through this because of how much you understand it.

[@laylaluna2376]

Proud to say I’ve been celibate since my last relationship ended a few months ago. I looked at myself and I said never again am I giving people this kind of power over me.

[@angelkkura]

hi, thank you for this video! i will be totally talking about this to my psychotherapist, i am extremely codependent and i have bpd traits/symptoms, as you said that they overlap. this was really helpful and now i understand a bit more about the dopamine hit with the messages! i never understood why i get so upset while waiting for a reply, but now it totally makes sense. thank you :)

[@kaytraveltarot]

I’m so glad you’re here to help me work out why I’ve had so much confusing surrounding my mother.

[@bojack20]

Thank you for making this video. Feeling so relieved now :)

[@justrest45]

Thank you so much Doctor. I've been struggling with bpd for half my life. Now i'm getting so much better. Your videos and your book helped me so much. So much more than any psychologists and psychiatrists i met in my area.. i hope mental health care in my area can improve cuz really bpd is so treatable when i learn the insights from someone so dedicated like you Dr

[@maddyfurness4563]

Your videos are by far the most useful resources I've found online to help me with my BPD. Thank you so much for continuing to make all of these. I have your workbook and I'm hoping to get started with it soon, but the fact that you also post videos that people can access for free is wonderful, especially as there are people who may not be able to purchase or effectively use your book due to whatever their life circumstances are. You've never once made me feel like a monster, as many other "resources" have. Thank you.

[@Farhood]

God bless you Dr. Fox. You have the best content on this platform in my opinion. Please keep up the great work!

[@DrDanielFox]

I appreciate that!

[@Etoac]

Wow, thanks for this precise description! So helpful to work on one's own insight without feeling ashamed!

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad it was helpful!

[@stefanmilanovic85]

Thank you Dr. Fox for the video, I learn so much from you. Have a good one!

[@angelatracey8353]

Thank you for the five tasks that you've set out. I will be 55 next month and every romantic relationship I've had has been push/pull cycle. It's exhausting and painful. I've only discovered in the last year how my behavior contributes to/creates the cycle. I'm starting group DBT therapy next week and hope that it will allow me to learn new skills to change my behavior over time. I've also ordered your work book. I'm very hopeful that I can change my thinking and behaviours and improve my personal and work relationships. Thank you Dr. Fox for your amazing videos. 🙏

[@NexgenFinancials]

Great info thank you!! I am realizing i am a co-dependant in a relationship with a bpd, we have two kids together and both are working at bettering our interactions with eachother to be emotionally healthy and this insight helps me Gotta fix that collar though brother lol

[@user-gg9jy1oi2n]

I bought your workbook without realizing that it was you!! It’s been triggering lol but very helpful

[@mentallyinsaneryan6895]

What do you do when your stuck in an episode of this. How do you deal with not seeing or talking to that one person. Because I get so frustrated and upset about being lonely I cant deal with it

[@benshaw2306]

I've just been given a diagnosis of BPD and Dependence This video has been so helpful and given me the hope I can get better. Thankyou

[@carlyar5281]

Thank you for this! I’m on the other end of the relationship with a codependent spouse. I only recently realized that this is what’s happening, or that this is the name for what has been going on in our marriage. Thank you for helping me understand what is going on and my spouse’s behavior. Understanding is the first step towards healing and growing. Thank you 🙏

[@meganharrington9755]

Thanks for sharing. Would u mind elaborating on behaviors of your husband that you now see as codependency? I’m trying to find relatable info so I can understand my husband better. I don’t like the term “serial monogamy” because he’s cheated (or attempted to) with 9+ women in the 9+ yrs we’ve been together. I found out about all of them at once last year when someone told on him about 1 of the females, he then confessed all of them. I haven’t decided yet if I’m staying in the marriage or not. I don’t believe I will because that was a dealbreaker for me. We have a commercial biz together too.

[@stefss6833]

My favorite doctor!!!!

[@Iloverebel]

I love your videos. I bought the spiral bound bpd work book because I know I'm going to be using it alot haha

[@marinapaccagnan546]

This is my biggest struggle, I have this feeling even with my psychotherapist… After three times I got addicted to her and now I am so terrified to attend her therapy sessions, I am so afraid to feel worse and worse just seeing her.. Thank you so much for this video, I feel so understood

[@meganharrington9755]

Can u elaborate on how you feel addicted to her? Do u have a crush on her or are you excited to see her each week to learn more about yourself? Just trying to understand

[@noturbo]

she would say, I love you, you hate me. and leave. i cant love her enough to heal her

[@yourenough3]

Thanks Dr. Fox. I'm ok with your collar being up 🙂

[@nadasghyar4112]

Felt so alive and fully human for once when I came across your videos.I can't express how crestfallen I am though when I realized that I won't find a French Dr FOX. Evrytime I garner the courage to knock on a different Psychiatrist door they can only help with antidepressants because what I struggle with is depression according to them. I may not have a sense of identity but I know in my heart of hearts that it is not depression I am struggling with(I have never been any certain about anything else in my unintegrated life). I am rather a silent BPD type it is so scary to watch your life being described in better words than you could think of in random videos especially the ineffable parts. And I shall say even scarier when your hopes come crashing down after then went up unexpectedly. I wish there was a professional in FRANCE with the insight that you have about BPD or with even just an inkling of it..Not sure what is worse: Not knowing there is help that you need help at all or knowing there is but not for you..I am believing the latter.. Either way, thank you for your work DR.

[@sunshinegold8451]

Recently I came across a helpful visualization for Maladaptive Behaviors and getting to the Core Content: 🌴 The Branches on the Tree, are our Maladaptive Behaviors. These behaviors are typically very visible physically: - Outward Displays of Anger/Lashing out - Anxiety - Poor Posture/Shrinking from shame, guilt, etc. - Irritability - Reckless Driving Etc, etc, etc. The Trunk of our little tree 🌴 is our core content, or the Driving Force, "The Root" of the Branches (Maladaptive Behaviors) The Root always boils down to in essence: Lack of Self Love Lack of Self Worth Lack of Self Confidence Very basic, but I find going back to basics when we are battling our reactions, helps with reaction TIMING. Example: im lashing out at my partner, crying, feeling unloved, unwanted, unappreciated, taken for granted, and giving myself the good ol self-hate speech as I realize im self destructing. 'My Branches' tell me im unloved, overlooked, unwanted, unappreciated. But my 'Trunk' actually tells me I'm struggling with a lack of self love, self worth, AND self confidence. When I go back to basics and really listen to what I'm feeling towards others or myself, MY REACTION TIMING INCREASES. I now am aware what the root emotion is, im aware of the Maladaptive Branches, and now I can work towards those Dialectical practices, and techniques to broaden my perspective over these patterns. 💕💕

[@hriadovkina]

thank you so much, dr fox love you

[@JesusSaves77799]

Awesome video! Thank you so much! And I love how you give tips and help for people to get better! I love how you say that people can get better and that these are treatable things. I really hate when I hear people giving doomsday prognoses about these very understandable disorders and ways of being. Many people have suffered them because of hard childhoods, so it makes me really angry when I hear “clinicians” talk like these things are insurmountable. Nonsense! As the Bible says, I can do all things through God who strengthens me! Thank you as well for clarify and distinguishing these disorders and traits, and for helping so many people. I am excited to check out your workbook too! Thank you and God Bless You!! 🙏

[@karenrancourt6812]

It's like you are in my head. This was amazing

[@wiblet]

Dr Fox saying these are all treatable issues at the end of his videos is the one thing keeping me alive in a world where every ex and past friend thinks I must be a monster. I just want to get better and dream of moving to a country someday where they treat BPD instead of labeling you crazy or dismissing it...

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re not a monster and help is possible. Be safe and be well.

[@amyoconnor5613]

Thank you for this. I am beginning to understand myself a little more with each of your videos. There aren’t BPD therapists in my area and I’ve done dbt a few times, it just seems very misunderstood.

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

Your collar is lovely, your shirt looks very stylish.

[@Mjmartin.x]

Spot on as always!

[@gratefultess]

✨🌞 Can’t wait

[@rainbeau9752]

the dopamine HIT amen that makes sense SEX with the EX. Similar to the like and love hits on SM. ? OMG THIS IS what i needed to hear. no joke.

[@FragmentDID]

But what happens when experience tells you that trying to meet your own needs actually pushes people away? How do you overcome a self-fulfilling fear?

[@phloxbottom]

I love that painting in the background.

[@marten4862]

Thanks for the video :)

[@OK-ej7fc]

Melody Beattie has some great books on codependency. One is called the “Language of Letting ago.” Highly recommend!

[@terrikronmeyer7326]

Love your videos

[@juliegraham5033]

So I'm co dependent. Thank you ❤ finally I know why I am who I am.

[@soulTraveller144]

Its not who you are , its a symptom and you can get tbrough it ^_^

[@alexandrabolding4814]

I’m really struggling with dating at the moment. I really want u to do a video on how hard it is to date when u have bpd. To many videos on what it’s like to date someone with bpd but not enough on dating when your the one who has it. Xx thanks. I did enjoy your BPD book of love video.

[@alexandrabolding4814]

Ps also been in way to many relationships with narcissists and so scared of that happening again.

[@judusmasamune9523]

When we build insight to ourself but then no one else knows about it like we are a full book but no one wants to read it like it is sad but I guess everyone has that too

[@joannelewis8038]

Thank you

[@gracegembe9135]

Thank you for explaining this topic. This sounds just like an ex friend who is obsessed with her moms well being

[@NinVonReich]

Genius video, as always! Thank you 🙏 One question: Could it be also claimed that the core content of all personality disorders contains the element of low self-esteem and self-negativity? Could we improve significantly by working on our self-esteem and self-dialogue? 🤔

[@johnjohnson1681]

i fucking love you Dr fox literally when ever i watch a your videos i smile thank you

[@kobi2024]

Just put a picture of me next to Codependency..

[@lamaelcharif1523]

You always give us hope Dr. Fox. Listening to you is always uplifting and educational. I have a question. Why is it so important to change our dependency tendencies? If a partner is ok with my dependency why is that an issue. It is so hard to change. The anxiety is so deep ruted, I feel sometimes, it is unmanageable. The deep breathing techniques or tapping have very low effect on calming the self down. Even when I understand that my sense of worth is relying on attachment, being aware of that, doesn't make the anxiety go away.

[@DrDanielFox]

It typically spikes doubt and fear and takes away from personal growth.

[@lamaelcharif1523]

@@DrDanielFox You mean it's a vicious cycle. Dependency feeds the anxiety

[@tictactoedias1908]

Great explanation 👍 ps; love Dr Fox dimples ❤

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you and thank you. I wish you all the best.

[@katiesatiiva]

Thank you for this. Doctor. Great information. You describe me to a T

[@sassyslsgrl]

put off watching this one cuz I knew how hard it would hit me...thanks for it tho...

[@saliabbasraza]

Just realized i have Codependency disorder. I have all the signs he explained.

[@heldan22]

Thank you for talking about this topic Daniel, like I requested a while ago. I have a older brother whom I think has Codependency, and he´s Wife (I think) has NPD. Being together with them is a nightmare. So I try to stay away from them. (Dan in Denmark.)

[@meganharrington9755]

What do u experience when with them? What are their behaviors that make you feel this way?

[@sprashyhd2929]

I was misdiagnosed with BPD first. It was hell. I could not relate. Then, finally, I was diagnosed with Dependent Personality disorder. I feel seen now. ❤

[@sprashyhd2929]

But some of the things you mentioned as condependency are also a component of DPD. Also Part of the criteria!

[@pigmandan9586]

Hello dr fox could you do a video about when someone has both autism spectrum disorder and quiet bpd

[@AdamScottPersonnel]

Dr. Fox, do you plan to do videos about histrionic personality disorder (HPD) and comorbidity with BPD?

[@DrDanielFox]

It’s on the list. Thanks

[@AdamScottPersonnel]

@@DrDanielFox Many thanks to you for the valuable resources you put forward.

[@Inseparable724365]

Thanks for explaining this! I was having a great deal of difficulty getting a clear definition of codependency. Turns out I'm just a bit of a rescuer not a codependent. If you need help and I can give it, I generally have a hard time saying no. Also thought I might be a serial monogamist with each relationship over the past 45 years, literally bumper to bumper. I have no problem being alone, I guess I was just a victim of a waiting line of damsels in distress?

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Cooperation × independence sounds good to me. I'm codependent

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Thanks, Doc.

[@kahlodiego5299]

I lost my whole life by reconnect ing with my co-dependent family.

[@TheZombienightmares]

I want to save my marriage. My husband has bpd. I'm codependent but Im starting to think we're BOTH bpd. I constantly seek validation from others and can't say "no". So much so that it's ruined my marriage. I want to STOP these behaviors you've described.

[@kahlodiego5299]

They're treatable issues but not unless you can access a therapist who even acknowledges them.

[@briarrose4747]

I always kinda confused codependency and dependency together i remember being diagnosed a long time ago with dependent personality disorder but that therapist didn't really help me understand it better and i had forgotten about till i saw this video so thanks for talking about it.Also i would love to hear your thoughts on love addiction?Im pretty sure its another thing i struggle with and it reminds me a lot about bpd and dependency and codependency so id like to know the differences in all of these.

[@DrDanielFox]

I hope you found the video helpful and love addiction is certainly a component. I do have a video coming out on addictive crushes that you may find interesting. I wish you all the best.

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

Hello Dr. Daniel J. Fox, I would like to thank you for another thought provoking video. I have to say though, I’m now going to have to watch the video again, because I’m feeling a little confused as generally being BPD; boundaries and such are even More blurred? Is that even possible? How do you feel about CPTSD and BPD as diagnosis? Would you consider doing a video on what the differences are? I think quite a few people wonder about this as do I. Thank you for all of your infinite wisdom, I have enjoyed your BPD Workbook it has been helpful in many different aspects throughout the therapeutic process. 😊

[@mireilleclement6385]

I was like HUH ? also. My thoughts were everywhere and didn't really understand the difference.

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

@@mireilleclement6385 Thank you, I thought I was the only one. 🙃

[@Shortkonner]

Caretaking. Yes. You right on the money.

[@paulhamilton4713]

I'm so lost becouse it was so great I fell in love with her now it feels like it has just slowed to a stop

[@DrDanielFox]

You may want to seek couples for individual therapy. I wish you well.

[@RecoveryDeepDive]

Glad you're presenting this info, very important. At the 1:50 point, who is being discussed? "You assume responsibility..." Sounds like not the subject, but the caretaker. Confusing, please clarify.