Detransitioning was the BIGGEST MISTAKE of my LIFE!! | Self Acceptance | My Story

Detransitioning was the biggest mistake of my life, and this video documents some of the things which lead me to the decision to do so and where I am going from here.
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[@namasi7070]

As a person born in the third world I think a problem with people in the western world is their obsession with personal 'happiness'. They think "If I am not happy then something is wrong." Natalie. take care and look outside of yourself. God Bless.

[@09kenedy]

Namasi AMEN!!!!!!!!

[@Cartot7077]

THIS. I live in the US and this is def something people need to understand. Just because you aren’t on top of the world all the time doesn’t mean you’re depressed or unhappy. Sometimes things are just calm, bad, or plenty of other things. Happiness all the time is not possible.

[@susanyoung9318]

Profoundly true

[@joy_villa]

Profound. Thank you!

[@katrinarobinson1261]

As a trans male i don't believe Anyone of you understand the topic your commenting on. Sometime people need to think before they speak.

[@coypu2005]

Being female is a lot more than a "dress, makeup and acrylic nails". That's kind of offensive if you think about it.

[@grlbydesign]

Because that is EXACTLY what I said, isn't it? I mean, everything that wears makeup and acrylic nails is female. All of those gay men in the world who express themselves that way, we better let them know they aren't men after all, right? See? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense does it? I don't wear makeup every day, but it doesn't mean I'm not trans on those days. See, it's illogical. You've chosen to take offense.

[@youdontknowmeverywell6497]

Did you just said "EVERYTHING that wears make up and acrylic nails is female"? Come on, I'm sure you meant feminine not female and that's the big confusion. A male or a gay man can be feminine but will never be a female. His a male. A feminine man. Back in time male used to wear make up, wigs, tight, ballerina shoes, high hills and so on. Originally in Japan, for example Geisha were male now they train women to become Geisha. Even now in some culture man still wear long dress, skirt, or "girly color" but they are still male and their society has no problem with them wearing "feminine things". The conception of femininity and masculinity changes with time and culture. I personally think that the problem with transitioning is that it's hard to convince other people that we don't believe that we are, what they think we are as gender. Transitioning is just longing for external approval. Because if our society was ok with male being more feminine that masculine then nobody will transition in my point of view :)

[@grlbydesign]

I was refuting the logic and contempt within the OP's comment, by being a facetious brat. Re-read it. :)

[@youdontknowmeverywell6497]

@@grlbydesign Ok then. I just wanted to say that I've no problem with feminine male, if I was your friend back in time I wouldn't have laughed but I would have tried to understand you just like I'm doing right now and share my thoughts with you. Anyway thanks for sharing your story, it's educational and informative; and aslo I'm sorry for your mom. Hope you'll finally be happy :)

[@nefelibata4190]

Lol it's not offensive it's facts, facts don't care about your feelings.

[@sirdelrio]

Never underestimate the role of hormones on mental health.

[@esval3054]

It is proved they play a big role in our minds. And trans people take hughe amounts of hormones and interfiere with their natural ones. The mind and the body literally go crazy.

[@user-sf9gs2pg1b]

Esval “Huge” is a bit of an exaggeration... and the hormones I was born with stopped producing :/ I’d argue I’m not going crazy, though testosterone does make your mind lean on the angrier and less emotional side of life. It’s pretty interesting, as I’m usually never angry and I cry a lot, every single day. Now I’m the polar opposite... but that could be due to being happy and not self-harming anymore. Memories, lmao. It’s honestly kinda weird how much it impacts emotions, sometimes for the better, but if you’re not actually transgender then it’s for the worst because you develop gender dysphoria which makes you want to die. Idk why I’m rambling, probably because I’m half asleep in the early morning, bored af... I’ll go play games, lol.

[@lacklusterluke5855]

@@esval3054 doctors proscribe hormones in a way that doesn't make drastic emotional changes. that's why different people have different dosages. also most transgender people end up blocking their birth hormones so they would have the normal human dosages

[@pornstarlivesmatter3319]

exactly! im going through menopause and the anxiety is cripling to the point i have thought of ending it!

[@soyfan3456]

Exactly is a mental problem not a body problem.

[@karengarson5715]

This is so sad. Feeling so messed up that you flip flop back and forth.

[@r-platt]

More like this world is so messed up it put a HUGE fear into you that turned you against yourself.

[@DoctorMeh]

@@r-platt Likely both. There is a subset of trans that need to be actively "in transition"

[@ameliaosborne6585]

actually i've been following her since this video was posted. and she's still a woman after 3 years and hasn't regretted it. i think she was always meant to be a woman but society made her want to run away from her truth

[@yeetme3940]

@@kisskill9438 this is an interesting comment to me.... what is it that makes a woman a woman in your opinion?

[@friendshipbunny2559]

Yep. He is clearly desperate for attention, so he keeps flip flopping. He has some kind of personality disorder that makes him avoid looking within to solve his problems at any cost. He always has to blame external forces, so he never has to be responsible for his own wellbeing. He is so self absorbed, that he doesn't care how his male-presence effects girls and women when he occupies our spaces. He doesn't care that he is exposing us to his cross dressing fetish, and making us unwilling participants in his kink. He is definitely an extremely bad person, and he deserves all the bad in his life.

[@KCSimsStarter]

You went through puberty 3 times, that would make anyone depressed

[@MsCaterific]

lol Right!? I barely made it through that one time.

[@asmaerahou747]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@alnosaints]

So do pro athletes Everytime they go on steroids

[@advcrim77]

@@alnosaints not really, no

[@levinoseberg4284]

Black Jew

[@tinglelingaling6]

I did hair for many years ( I'm 51) and I had a client, one of my favorite clients. She came in every few weeks because she was very picky about her hair and liked it to look fresh all the time. This gave us a lot of time to get to know each other. I did her hair for about 9 years. I noticed that she hadn't been in for a while, so I gave her a call to make sure she was ok. She made an appt and when she came in she looked completely different. She told me her story... she was now going by a different name and wearing male clothing. I honestly didn't freak out at all. She was born with both genitalia and her parents had raised her as female. She didn't feel like a female so decided to transition to male. We chatted for about an hour. He gave me a hug and told me that it was to hard for him to see the people that had been in his life anymore. He said he loved me and he was sorry but he wouldn't be back in. I seriously cried over it. I told him he was always welcome back or could just stop by to say hello. I said I understood why he didn't want to come back in, but honestly I didn't. I still think of him. I think I started watching transgender videos to maybe help me understand a little better. I can see now why some people would need to separate themselves from their old lives.

[@marti5183]

Very touching story. Thank you for sharing and caring

[@james8060]

Tingle lingaling Thank you for making an effort to understand, a lot of people don’t :D.

[@tinglelingaling6]

I grew up in very racist homophobic environment. I never understood what the big deal was. Being the rebel, I put myself in situations that my Mother hated lol. At the time I didn't realize that I was just opening my eyes. I am glad for some of the paths that I took. They have brought me to some lasting relationships with all walks of life. I just like nice people, doesn't matter what you look like or who you love, just as long as you do love. I am not and never will be perfect so I don't expect others to be. I can't say I am never judgmental or always say nice things. I can be caddy with the best of them. I just try to be nicer about it these days lol. Hope that made sense.

[@marti5183]

It made totally sense!

[@lanadelgay9092]

i wasnt born with both male and female reproductive organs but im intersex too and was raised as male for the first 8 years of my life until my parents decided me transitioning was better than me committing suicide.... flash forward to when i hit puberty (i wasnt on any hormone therapy mind you) i grew small breasts, my voice never dropped, i didnt gain any muscle etc. like a typical male would... so a specialist recommended genetic testing and i found out i have "xx/xy" chromosome ....there are many varying forms of intersex that dont include any obvious signs... for instance some women have AIS (androgen insensitivity syndrome) which renders them insensitive to their androgens (testosterone) and even though they have male chromosomes they never develop a penis in the womb and are born seemingly female.... they have testes instead of ovaries and bone structure that isnt typically male or female (think supermodel, long limbs, slim hips, broad shoulders, large brow bones and high cheekbones etc.) they dont get a period either but general practitioners arent trained to know why theyre like that they usually just claim its from a hormones imbalance and that theyre barren.... most of the time they go thei entire lives unaware that they have male genetics unless they go to a specialist and have genetic testing or a sonogram to discover they have testes in place of ovaries and no uterus.... sometimes when people have an urge to transition its not just for shallow reasons (not saying anyone here said or thought that it was, ijs) sometimes its an innate thing on a biological level .... there are a ton of people who are some varying form of intersex that doesnt involve having both male and female sexual organs so they go undiagnosed.... and a lot of trans people (not all) discover theyre some form of intersex upon getting genetic testing...... especially ones who exhibit gender dysphoria at a young age for no obvious reasons

[@90Outside]

It’s also okay to not know what you want. Sometimes slowing down and focusing on other things besides yourself will help you discover yourself.

[@marioluigi9599]

Like no offence to him, but as a woman he looks hella fake and plastic. Doesn't look very "motherly" either. It's more like a wish fulfillment to be a woman and growing into that (whatever that means to him), instead of actually growing into a mother, which is what being a woman is all about, biologically. It would have been much better if he just sorted his head out to become as male as he was on the outside and feeling comfortable with that on the inside. Cos it's not like now he became a female, ready to be a mother. There's lots of men who don't feel comfortable as men, especially during teenage years when they first become men. Teenage years are hard for everybody. Obviously for him it was harder than for most because he felt uncomfortable even when he was like 6 years old. But whoever told him it's impossible to change your brain, is just as much a liar as someone who says it's impossible to change your body. Neurology says that the brain is very plastic, meaning able to change a lot. The problem is, he never knew how to make it change

[@marioluigi9599]

And by the way, this is his most popular video with over a million views. The rest of his videos are like 10k views each. They have no chance to reach that many views. The reason for that is because he put up an extremely "hot" picture of himself as a man on the video thumbnail. And that was him looking real as a man. Now he just looks plastic. And if you think it doesn't matter what his view count is, think again. His problem was that he couldn't find anyone for himself as a woman. But obviously as a man he had no problems finding people. Like, CLEARLY he wouldn't have any problems. And also he said as a man he wasn't gay (he just felt female - whatever that meant to him). So clearly he wouldn't have had problems with having children

[@marioluigi9599]

Now he's basically having to live his life as a "trans lesbian" attracted to women, with no chance of children or anyone to look after him when he's old. Really sad

[@profe3330]

That's true. And young people have struggled with identity questions forever - not just about gender, but about everything. The trouble with the contemporary world is that we throw drugs and surgery at these kids at the drop of a hat, and that's both shallow and dangerous. Our young people deserve better.

[@ryanwardcomedy]

​@@marioluigi9599 mmm no lol plenty of lgbt ppl adopt and find partners

[@UHeardMe1stTime]

In the words of my grandmother, get somewhere and sit down

[@Coilykinkchick]

UHeardMe1stTime lmfao exactly. Don’t get me wrong my heart goes out to them,, I’m happy with my gender and sexuality so this struggle is unimaginable. So happy it’s not me. I would see that man and wouldn’t know a thing, Sorry to that man *in my keke Palmer voice*

[@karliann1]

100%!!

[@laciethweatt1198]

Mine would say... Go light somewhere

[@xSaRiTzAx]

Transition, detransition and transitioning again?..... 2 me it feels like you are still confused.... Keep getting psychiatric help, this flip flopping is not healthy at all... and the amount of medications that you adding to your body, just to change... can be very harmful for you in the future.... Seriously get help...

[@jacobtheproducer6907]

This make me think that Transgender isn't real. All he does think about himself taking "T" or "E" Hurt's the body. He doesn't think of hobbies or having fun. All he does think about is "Who am i"? but you can't really change you're gender it's same compared to Race and age.

[@alaverga173]

Alot of psychiatrics are pushing the agenda though

[@jacobtheproducer6907]

@@alaverga173 💰...

[@christinenewhouse1264]

LaZo Ya, Be careful what you say..because one day when you have kids..He or she might be transgender...If they are..all you can do is love them and accept them..God bless.

[@jacobtheproducer6907]

@@christinenewhouse1264 I teach them what left propaganda there is

[@xrotarebil]

You only get one life. Be who you really are and don't stray from it. I am not trans or gay so I don't know those issues. But I do know that self acceptance is paramount. I wish you all the best on your journey.

[@grlbydesign]

XrotarebiL you couldn't be more right about self acceptance, and I appreciate the encouragement. Thank you so much!! Xx

[@ruthiesilva1068]

Your parents should have told you Jesus loves you exactly the way you are and were created. Do not find self worth in the world or how the world treats you. It comes from within. Jesus is the fountain of youth and beauty and wellness.

[@GwenMotoGirl]

XrotarebiL best advice ever for any situation.

[@ryshlovanoodo7591]

John 3:3 KJV [3] Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

[@EternaLivesMatter]

+Ryshlova Noodo God bless you ! wow! God is so good.

[@sugarmilk28]

Most people will go through life trying to find themselves. Transitioning can be beautiful or a mistake to some and detransitioning is always an option. No one should get hate for transitioning or detransitioning.

[@DonnaBrooks]

Lots of detransitioners get hate from the trans demands activists & the trans medical industry. Also transitioning shouldn't be treated lightly by saying, "You can always detransition." Girls whose voices have changed have to live with sounding like a man. Getting your healthy breast cut off can't be undone. People taking puberty blockers have a shortened lifespan. There are CONSEQUENCES to transitioning that most teens don't even consider, much less younger children, which is why only adults should transition. It does permanent damage to the body. You can't just go back to how you were if you've actually started with the chemical and/or surgical transition.

[@destinyb7203]

@@DonnaBrooks I agree.

[@mimid6354]

@@DonnaBrooks 💯

[@moosesgalore]

@@DonnaBrooks are you trans? doesnt seem like its any of your fuckin business to say one way or another creep

[@someoneunknown7655]

@@DonnaBrooks you talk like puberty is completely reversible. Forcing a trans child through a puberty that would permanently change their body is inhumane when puberty blockers is a perfectly safe alternative. Detransitioners are literally less then one percent of trans people, and of that percentage the majority detransitioned because outside pressure. I agree that transitioning shouldn’t be taken lightly, but trans kids and teens mental health shouldn’t be sacrificed for the sake them maybe being cis, when puberty blockers and a haircut can easily be changed

[@maryquitecontrary6658]

This sounds awfully expensive. I can't even afford cool sculpting for my double chin!

[@SuicideRedemption]

You don't need it. All you really need is food and water.. And clothes. Everything else is a distraction and cause of unnecessary stress. Love yourself.

[@principality543]

Should get kybella instead cause coolscpulting can double the fat cells

[@shelikestuff]

twisted wolf legacy your def not wrong :)

[@Coilykinkchick]

Lmao! The way I just hollered at your comment 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 so much truth in your statement

[@pornstarlivesmatter3319]

i can't buy food for my daughter and i lol

[@mujerlatina8897]

I simply cannot understand how breasts and longer hair “make the woman.” Being male or female is not about the exterior things like nail polish, bows and makeup!! Please look deeply into your being and move beyond vanity. Being a woman is about nurturing others, giving life and guiding those lives you create. It’s about living your feminine attributes while grabbing ahold of “masculine” skills like building things, painting, gardening, mowing a lawn. You can be Nathan AND Natalie!! Your journey needs to be about integrating the masculine and feminine aspects of your core person - NOT about ephemeral attributes like breasts, makeup and tutus.

[@jesaintlouis]

this is most logical and well thought out comment I have read and made me think!

[@oliviamoore3426]

Mujer Latina it’s not about superficial things like make up, clothing and nail polish it’s about what they feel inside. And it’s based in neuro biology. Very much born that way. Their brains have a lot more in common with the opposite sex which is why they become trans men and women. They feel disgust about their genitalia. They are a man or a woman trapped in the wrong body and they try to correct that to the best of their ability. What you’re writing I agree with and that down to their core is what a trans woman is too. They just have to blend in. Otherwise they get a really hard time getting jobs, holding onto jobs, getting an education, being denied living and so on. Society creates an incredible pressure around them to pass. Cos if they don’t they’ll be seen as an abomination or a perversion which they aren’t. They’re also on a scale from masculine to feminine. They way they act and dress as the rest of us. Not all trans women dress hyper feminine and not all trans men dress hyper masculine.

[@monicaalves9156]

Exactly

[@gargoyle38]

@@oliviamoore3426 Nonsense: it is at best misguided escapism.

[@oliviamoore3426]

Russ Lilly lol. Look at what science is saying. Though feel free to stay in your echo chamber

[@itsnotmeelite]

I have a lot of compassion for people who deal with gender confusion but I also feel really sorry for them because it seems like a hyper self-focused reality. Our generation is convinced that the meaning of life is self-realization and self-happiness and seems to seek it through focusing inwards. I disagree with the method. I believe we find ourselves through loving and serving others. I'm going to see what happens if I change my language and patterns to consist less of "I" and "me" and more of how can I love and show love to others.

[@melaniejones5730]

amen

[@ElaAusDemTal]

Well said!! I also noticed that the focus nowadays is on obtaining the perfect "happiness".... But happiness doesn't exist as a perpetual state; we wouldn't know happiness without having to experience the opposite at some times in our life.

[@onajitetaire]

Yes! YES AND YES AND YES AND YES.

[@melaniejones5730]

@@onajitetaire fuck off

[@NetiNeti-gm5bz]

You must love yourself unconditionally before you can love another unconditionally. You cant serve someone if you're broken. Self focus is learning how to respect yourself first, before you can teach others. In other words, you must start with you first

[@jjtimmins1203]

One time my back hurt and hurt. I went to an ortho and they recommended me for a spinal fusion. A friend of mine convinced me to try a routine of exercise and stretching. After only a couple weeks my back felt like a teenager's. Just make sure you explore a variety of solutions before picking one.

[@OldJoeBlows]

Yes.

[@nop2574]

Can you tell me that routine? Just saying because my posture is shit and I'm trying to fix it

[@gomogo2000]

Vitamin B12 is also key to back health...either by taking shots or sublingual.

[@jagoz7465]

"Im impulsive and was in an unstable state of mind" Doctors: 💰👀

[@grlbydesign]

Or maybe I didn't weigh the consequences both good and bad. I'm in a great place in my life now.

[@jagoz7465]

@@grlbydesign ty for sharing your story

[@KawaiiCat2]

The moral of the story is....... never change yourself for others. You’re never going to be happy in life that way. Think of who you want to be and what makes you happy. Not what others want or what makes others happy. If people don’t like you the way you are then they aren’t meant to be in your life and they are not worth your time.

[@grlbydesign]

Truer words were never spoken!

[@sarahlouisestafford2448]

i agree

[@szushycat]

And what if you are able to make people lovin' you? 😑 you shouldn't lost anyone just for not respecting you. Only if it is cauzing bad for you... 👀

[@llandriel]

When he get PMS and still like to be a woman and don't run to be a men because he can not handle the pain, then it maybe maybe he woud not killhim self.

[@TechSavvyDaughter]

@@grlbydesign kzbin.info/www/bejne/moTLYnidpN-LeLs

[@TheMaggiekay7]

I'm just a 66 year old Grandmother. But I think you are a beautiful person. Period. A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING. That's just the way I've felt about everyone in my life...

[@TomatoAddict]

Are you still alive?

[@dbcoco]

back and forth with hormones > recipe for mental jojo-effect, psychological problems.. I hope you can take it easy on yourself. I hope this time you know “who you are”. I am a straight female, but “knowing who you are” is a lifetime effort and discovery. The world outside changes constantly, and we have to redefine ourselves constantly. self-definition is not just about sexuality, it’s about every aspect of our life and awareness. I wish you all the best!!

[@pauldee1102]

This is why people should undergo mental therapy or reconciliation before going in a transitions or surgery. Or just deep thinking of it like do I really need to undergo surgery? Am I going to be happy with this path? Am I sure about this? What if I'm just confused? Something like that. Questioning yourself is not that a bad thing infact it will help you to find yourself. To know who you really are. The answers are always on YOU

[@nikkistahr7105]

Im not trans but i do work in Healthcare and im fairly young (30) been practicing for some years now and realize that my formal education has not provided adequate education about how to serve and be sensitive to ALL people and so here i am trying to just learn more in hopes of being able to better treat, understand, and embrace everyone. I found you to be so vulnerable, transparent, and beautiful. I know the closer you come to loving you and perhaps not trying to be anyones idea of who you should be will allow you to open up more positive chapters in your life. I will pray for your continued strength, courage, and for many blessings to come in 2018. Xoxo All the best luv Nikki Ps: phytophenere pills sold at sephora grew my hair out like weeds.

[@grlbydesign]

NIKKI STAHR thank you so much for all of the comment love. It's wonderful that you're trying to reach out and understand others better. I'll look into the hair remedy you recommended and hopefully it'll help me with mine too. I'll also keep posting vulnerable and honest content, and I look forward to seeing the growth you mentioned. Thanks again!!! ❤️

[@loganl1137]

As a man (based on the pictures) you were extremely handsome and as a woman (also based on the pictures) you were gorgeous. But beyond that, your soul is extraordinary, brave and beautiful. You are inspiration to never give up. Love.

[@grlbydesign]

Guille Leal thank you so much!!! You're right, we can't ever give up. No matter how bad things may seem, there is always room for hope. ❤️

[@Solidude4]

I thought the same thing. It was honestly quite surprising to see how masculine she looked as a bodybuilder and the fact that she was able to transition to the point where she looks unquestionably female! Wow!

[@angeleyes3319]

+Nate O. That's what made me click the link. It's unbelievable!

[@liveandletlive7152]

Guille Leal you are an amazing person

[@emilyp6984]

Nowadays people change genders like they change a hairstyle.

[@pat6601]

Back in the day it was hard to get the medical help needed to accomplish these things, which was the right thing to do. I guess not so much anymore. Apparently, if you have enough money, there’s a doctor out there who will take it.

[@dianahkamau350]

End times

[@Mei087]

I take more time to decide if I should cut my bangs lol

[@msdixie1972]

Except chromosomes can’t be changed. That’s what progressive doctors and therapists won’t remind people of.

[@SuicideRedemption]

@@Mei087 same 😂

[@feemoheat]

"There is a fountain inside you. Don’t walk around with an empty bucket" - Rumi

[@mindymaria871]

Girl, depression and anxiety does not discriminate. It goes after everyone. I'm a born female, and I know I'm female, but I have no idea who I am. I'm 30 yrs old and I've always had an identity crisis.

[@grlbydesign]

I think it's way more common to be confused about life than most people want to admit. I've learned things along my journey which have helped me to understand identity a whole lot better than before, but it's a lifelong journey. If I can help, let me know. I'm much more level headed these days. Keep in mind, this video was one I made like 9 months ago. :)

[@lorettasanchez1184]

@@grlbydesign your in no place to counsel anyone with all your unstabity. Identify and root yourself in the one who created you. God ALMIGHTY. Create a solid foundation in the plan HE has for you⚘😍👈

[@phil4v8]

MindyMaria. I'm an old woman,so my unwanted advise comes from view of christian faith. Maybe if you are Christian search your faith in God in all his truth. Talk to a good christian counselor. Not all christian people will disrespect you. Ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be for God. What place is God in your life. If,you are not Christian you are stilled loved. Maybe concentrate on your whole life not only on your sexuality. By no means is my intention to offend anyone. God bless us all with his wisdom .

[@lisalentile177]

Me too and I know what it's like to be deeply confused I deal with it everyday

[@phil4v8]

@@lisalentile177 How I wish you wouldnt have this burden. There is probably a lot of people who may advice you. Please do give an opportunity to a holy christian pastor . Please do try. An honest holy person will tell why you should or should not do something. They will not tell you to disrespect or hate anyone. Eventually it's up to you. Holy Spirit please iluminate Lisa with your light and peace. Thank you Lord Jesus.

[@paulaoyedele2081]

This chap used a word at about 14:40 "impulsive". This hit the nail on the head. Transition....de-transition....then transition. Please talk to someone professional because there is something intrinsically troubling going on inside that you should address. Everyone feels lost at times in the journey of self discovery. And I can tell you .....you will always struggle with this until you face the deeper issue. On a lighter note, there was a line in the tv sitcom Third Rock from the sun.....where Dick says "I just want to be me but I don't know who that is". It takes years to finally know who you really are....and it is not from some surgical means.

[@grlbydesign]

You're absolutely right and I've since been working on these issues you're addressing. I'm in a totally different place now. This was September of last year when I realized I needed to transition again. I've been working with my therapist since July of last year. I'm in a really wonderful place now. Thank you for your concern, and I completely agree with all of what you said.

[@EarleyDaysYet]

“I just want to be me, but I don’t know who that is.” ⬅️ my new motto.

[@sophieneice]

Omg third rock from the sun was my favorite show ever

[@roseoletta2226]

Paula Oyedele My thoughts exactly. Hugs for this beautiful young man. There are deep childhood wounds that need healing. All humans deserve peace and happiness but I fear transitioning again won't bring him the peace he is seeking. That impulsive nature is something that is calling for inner reflection.

[@Sunset1705]

I think a lot of transgender people have an identity problem, and that identity is in the soul not the body. People think they are their body. You are not your body, nobody is. Who you are is not what you do, what you look like, etc. Fulfillment & Happiness does not come from material things, more more more, or "if only this thing were different"... Get your soul straight, it has nothing to do with your body. I'm sorry you are going through a tough time and I hope you are able to find peace and contentment with who you are. You have to learn to love yourself and do things that make you happy.

[@joinapalm4048]

The soul doesn't exist. We are determined by our brain chemistry and beliefs like this hinder scientific research that would lead people to live happier lives.

[@racheldemain1940]

That's true, I am female but have male traits and was a Tomboy as a kid. I can be girly or not as the mood takes me . Our bodies are a vessel for our Soul .

[@thekarmicbrat]

@@joinapalm4048 The soul is what pilots the body. The soul is what we are.

[@transgoddess31]

That's a lie. Transistioning freed me.

[@DHU11]

@@transgoddess31 Freed you from what?

[@shuyung1]

Question: apart from thinking about your gender, what have you been doing with your life? Education? Work ? Hobbies? Apart from being a member of the Church, I teach, I sing, I draw, I write...and as a person with Asperger’s, I’m not 100% feminine but neither am I transgender. It’s ok not to identify 100% with a gender, but you were born with one, and after that, you should move on. Many people have parts of both, but as others say here, what a waste of money and what a risk you’re putting yourself through. Set goals!

[@laclochard]

what is gender if not stereotypes that we should overcome already?

[@shuyung1]

laclochard ehm no, look down and you’ll remember gender is a hard fact, tangible, given

[@shuyung1]

Nope

[@shuyung1]

The Proclamation on the family

[@limonemoji3719]

@@shuyung1 I'm against gender ideology and i still know to diferenciate gender and sex, lol.

[@jaidenlove2419]

I totally get how you could feel detransitioning was the biggest mistake of your life. I don't see it that way though. Look at the value you learned and got from it! And, by you going through all of this is going to help someone else at some point, I'm sure of it! You are absolutely stunning btw! Thank you for sharing your story! (I'm FtM, btw) Much Love!

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you so much for commenting. I understand what you mean, I did receive so much experience and now I'm grateful for my life. I took my first transition for granted and I'll never do that again. I wish you so much success and am grateful that you reached out. ❤️

[@bgreaud]

I agree, I feel that you helped me. I started to transition about 8 monthes ago. I see vids and things of some people detransitioning and wonder why. Was it just society dumping on them or was it because they felt that they were not happy. This made me wonder what I would do in that situation. Something you said though. About you will always be who you are. That really hit home with me. Thank you so much. ❤

[@evanzeis8632]

Jaiden Love this comment is so important! It’s good to question yourself and your decisions, because in the end you’ll eventually learn what the right path for you is and be stronger for it.

[@DonPipirulando]

>>> WTF ..in my country people are worried if they have enough food to survive or if they can get home without getting robed or shot or killed. *But you peolpe are having all this DRAMA SIMPLY OVER FEELINGS. Get real you people are sooo pampered and have such an easy life... *You actually have to invent problems* *because being a CULTURAL VICTIM is somehow cool & hip* ...Thats so insane :(

[@katm5903]

I see where you are coming from and yes some people are fortunate to have luxuries but there is hunger and violence here too. Despite the differences of cultures, people all require the same at the core. Look up Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. I bet despite your fears and desperation, people in your country still seek love, community, and friendship. I bet you like to FEEL happy, and I bet you have FELT angry or sad. Human emotion is at the core of all of us. We all experience drama related to emotion. I am glad, however, you are doing well enough to be on KZbin :)

[@delilahrainelle7158]

I’m totally a heterosexual woman and I follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. I don’t know anything about your life, but I wish people could just be kinder to each other. We can have different beliefs, but I don’t understand why some people are so cruel.

[@sleepyskorpion]

Most humans are only selectively empathic (e.g. 99.99% of people completely ignore homeless people and just walk past them without a second thought). All humans have sociopathic tendencies. There's a reason most people eat meat. There's a reason most people don't see homeless people. You're surrounded by sharks... but they don't look like sharks because they're kind to certain people... who are they kind to? Their lovers, their kin, and their children... these are clearly mutually beneficial relationships, so it's not love, but investment and/or tribal pressure. Humans are no better than animals, we're just good at convincing ourselves that we're above animals. Look at human history if you want the truth. God regrets creating us. We are a mistake, a failed experiment. We're filth, we're dirt... we're dust, and we shall return to dust just as we deserve. There's no afterlife for humans, we don't deserve it. Think about it. If God really did send Jesus... imagine what he feels about us considering our treatment of Jesus... imagine sending your only son to save humanity... and then we torture and crucify him... there is no Satan. WE ARE THE EVIL IN THIS UNIVERSE. If a God exists, we should feel supremely grateful that he hasn't annihilated us yet. If I were God, I'd destroy humans and start again. Giving us free will was a mistake. We've shown what we do with free will, we steal, lie, rape and kill. That is humanity in a nutshell. Fuck humans.

[@sleepyskorpion]

BTW I've turned off reply notifications so you won't get a response from me after this. I don't need or want replies from humans.

[@originalyou4069]

@ - Sleepy skorpion... Sorry you feel this way, so angry. You're right that God did regret making Man - but this was only in Genesis, during the time of Noah (which is why he destroyed every living thing, apart from Noah's family...who were the only righteous one's) However, God had always had a plan to redeem the world through his Son - Jesus Christ... Through him dying on the cross to take the punishment for sin, which WE deserved! If we turn from Sin and believe in Jesus Christ then we can all be saved. John 3 v 16 - For God so LOVED the world, that he gave his only begotten Son... That whosoever believes in him shall not perish, but shall have everlasting life... God bless...Sarahx

[@delilahrainelle7158]

Cali Mori Prophets and even Jesus were kind in general to all, including homosexuals, but they also condemned all sexual sins and perversions. One should be kind and respectful, but, just like the prophets and Jesus, true Christians will never condone sinful sexual acts, including sinful acts of heterosexuals!

[@delilahrainelle7158]

Originalyou Bless You.

[@koriribarsosio4174]

Natalie,❤❤ I'm sorry for all the pain and confusion you have experienced. I'm sorry church let you down. God is good. He'll always be good and I pray that through everything you find His true goodness. God bless you. I send you my love

[@LDLK]

"A double minded man is unstable in all his ways" james 1:8

[@GospelGal81]

Leah Yes, I pray he finds deliverance in Jesus.

[@mariuszhejmo4662]

@@onxxxno you have no idea what you are talking about, but the other day you will get to know

[@vamperkillzshy]

Yes!

[@scaathreykr]

@Jasher Mojo Because women aren't attracted to women, or what?

[@kali6202]

Leah shut the fuck up boomer

[@happymess3219]

😶 if this doesn't prove that they need help, i don't know what will...

[@tessamaelourdeslagmay5584]

Yes

[@notplayingwithnobodythatwa6101]

But there supposed to feel comfortable or even consider being who they were born knowing there is negative people like you guys judging in the wrong way because it could have been your child

[@dixieblonde2208]

Nuts !!!

[@j_y4610]

They do get help? Gender therapy? It's to help them be more comfortable in their own body. Dysphoria is a real thing and is like depression.

[@big.pp.energy]

@Adrian At And T "sick freaks" seriously? Being trans is actually a real thing and saying stuff like that is horrible and you clearly don't understand what it's like to be transgender so don't comment on the topic of you don't actually know.

[@chloe.brandt]

I did the exact thing, detransitioned for an ex but as u said u can't be someone ure not, so right now I'm back to transitioning, keep it going!

[@grlbydesign]

It's really hard, because you want so badly to be the perfect image of what that person has always wanted. You put too much pressure on yourself and think if you can give up happiness for them, you can somehow be happier together. It's a tough situation and one that not everyone will understand, but it's nice to not feel alone. I'm glad you are back on your magic pills and so am I. Thankfully we were able to get back on solid ground before too many years had passed.

[@chloe.brandt]

Natalie Adrianna Amen sister! ❤️

[@lunieplays]

Natalie Day You should always put yourself before anybody else, remember YOU are WORTH it. 💖

[@toddtoure7041]

I'm glad you're in a good place now. Transgender is magnificent but society makes it challenging. God bless you baby.

[@rockabillymuffin]

Also, a person who can't love you for who you really are isnt the person you should be with anyway!

[@adriankenny6946]

Only video I could find about transitioning, detransitioning, and then retransitioning. Thank you. It’s been a very isolating experience so far, and this made me feel seen. I know this video is old, but I still want to wish you a good day

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you. It may have been a few years ago, but the lessons I learned are no less pertinent then they were at that time. Yes, you are seen. Keep the course. It will be alright.

[@SacredSerpentry]

Hey, I'm going through the retransition process too...it's been a few months, but if you need a friend :)

[@mauiztic]

Yes, because transitioning in the first place is the normal and natural thing to do

[@gladysgavantxo]

This makes me feel very sorry for how confuse these people are.

[@tgreening]

So a biological male figured out that he was actually a woman, convinced enough to transition to a female role, got there and then decided it was a mistake, transitioned back to a male role, got there and decided he(she?) was right the first time around and is now transitioning again back to a female role? I mean, do I have that flowchart laid out correctly?

[@princesspatriot1544]

T. Greening jeese get mental health help .

[@tgreening]

Princess Patriot Do you have any idea how amazingly ironic your statement is considering the subject matter at hand?

[@okmom2890]

T. Greening Allot of people are confused about sexual identidy.In fact 1 in 3,000 people are born intersex and no one talks about it .They also don't know unless they have theor chromosomes tested.

[@Vendicia]

T. Greening Haha. I think you hit the nail on the head.

[@TheSeraphimofextasy]

LOL!! naw Princess, T. Greening is not the one that needs the mental help ok, the guy in this video does, don't get mad at T. Greening for breaking down and pointing out exactly how twisted the degenerate in this video is.

[@ns2110theonly]

I'm a regular straight woman who happened to stumble upon your video. I don't know anything about the transgender world but I love everyone. I just wanted to say one thing. Your kindness, your beautiful soul and your beautiful manners, are so rare and so astounding to me. Not only are you elegant and eloquent in your video (I watched the whole thing and took away a new understanding of what many people in the LGBT world must go through every day) but what I REALLY cannot get over, is how beautififully you respond to other comments. So often on KZbin, people make silly ignorant and hurtful comments, unintentionally. Yet you respond to each comment with such beautiful and educational words, loving and accepting, never sarcastic never patronizing; always just gently reaffirming your point, with a kind and sweet word for everyone! You're quite an amazing person. I have never seen such class in one so young, ever, in my life, and I'm probably old enough to be your mom. I have a theory about this. Of course, your beautiful nature is yours that you were obviously born with, but I have a feeling that your Mormon upbringing has something to do with your sublime manners. I'm a Jewish girl myself, and years ago I shared a house in Boston with four Mormon girls from SLC, all grad students. They too had really amazing manners and were just so classy to everyone. That's SUPER rare, especially in such a college town, where class isn't the first descriptor that comes to mind. You definitely have got those girls beat in the class department and that's saying a lot! I see your beauty is deep in your soul, but its gotta have something to do with Mormons being really super nice people, although a little extreme religiously, if I may say so! Sorry for rambling I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you. You are a role model for your entire generation - everyone, no matter who the heck they identify as! In awe. Best of luck in your journey may you be happy & healthy always; only you can know your own happiness no one else can know it for you! So go get it!

[@ns2110theonly]

nunya baznus I'm not sure which comment you are responding to, but if it's me, I support ANYONES right to autonomously decide for themselves what's right for them in 2018. Have a nice evening.

[@Joshua-pm5ik]

Life seems hard for you...I will be praying for you.Hope you can find the real happiness.May God bless you !

[@EternaLivesMatter]

God will not bless this! How sad that you would say that. Why wouldnt you tell this man the truth? What you are doing is very hurtful to him not helpful. Where in the Bible does God say he would bless this confusion ...he doesnt! Truth is love . .the only thing that will help this man is the truth! Jesus loves him and died to pay for his sins and by faith in him alone is salvation from hell.

[@EternaLivesMatter]

Thank you for your kind response! God is good to all of us this is true! The thing is you cannot ask God to bless sin...to say "May God bless you" when he is openly living in sin amd rebelling against the natural law of God is like saying you agree and you want God who hates this to bless him anyway. This man is in desperate need of God ...he needs to seek God humbly for freedom from the wages of sin which is eternal hell Romans 3:23 For ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Romans 6:23 The wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ Our Lord. Because we have sinned we are all going to die one day that is the wage for sin death but Jesus Christ gave himself a ransom for our sins and by faith in the death burial and resurrection of God Jesus Christ we can be saved from the Eternal punishment of hell once we are saved God says that the holy Spirit of God indwells us and that Holy Spirit is a light it opens our eyes it causes us to see our sinful nature and the Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth IF we allow God to work in us and through us. This man was brought up among so much confusion it is no wonder to me that he is in the predicament he is now and I feel awful for him but that does not negate the fact that what he is doing is a sin and I am not going to ask God to bless that or him what he's openly doing what he's doing and sharing it with the rest of the world little children can see this video and watch it and think that there's nothing wrong with what he's doing when in all reality it is evil and wicked I don't say that because I'm hateful I say it because it's the truth this is what God says God is the creator of heaven and God created us not man I don't fear what man will do to me I fear what God will do with someone who is not saved and in reality it is that person's choice to go to hell because God gives us free will to choose him by simply Believing on his Son Jesus so my prayer is that this man will realize his sinful nature not just that he has rebelled against the natural law of God but that he's a sinner deserving death and hell to pay for his sins like everyone else in this world and believing in his heart that Jesus Christ died to pay for his sins that he would ask Jesus to save him from hell and that the holy Spirit of God would work in him and through him to free him of the bondage of this confusion and emptiness and sadness and depression. And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you FREE. John 8:32 I pray that you are saved! Born again by faith in Jesus who paid for all your sins past present future and rose from the grave conquering death and hell he is the only one who has the power to forgive you and save your soul from the lake of fire.

[@lilithjesus7718]

tudo pra melhor you are awesome

[@SawyBoy]

EtErNaL lIvEs MaTtEr! Literally who are you to say what god will and won’t bless?? How sad they would say that?? Really? They’re being a compassionate and sympathetic human which is not hurtful or enabling and they aren’t speaking for God. Wishing well and hoping God blesses someone is very purely positive intent which is literally all that matters. You are so negative

[@roguegeneral5459]

@@SawyBoy It's the truth through and yes it hurts at times dumbass

[@heyyyyyyok]

I saw the title and expected something completely different. Everything you say makes sense to me. I wish you all the best.

[@benharrison8604]

It sounds like you are a very confused person. I hope you find peace.

[@grlbydesign]

Was very confused, yes. After a LOT of therapy, I'm finally in a very empowered and centered place.

[@benharrison8604]

Natalie Great to hear, beautiful x

[@liveandletlive7152]

Bevan Worthington I think you have it wrong. There was confusion initially but that lead her to where she should be. Update: And her comment which I just read after I posted confirmed this.

[@benharrison8604]

Mimi Pool That's ok :)

[@spicyhot2552]

Natalie It sounds like you were born with a female brain and you feel like a woman on the inside ..but once you transitioned into a woman ..you still was confused and unhappy at times..maybe it bothered you cuz of the fact you weren't physically born a woman which sometimes felt unomfortable ...I just hope you find peace .

[@cyndirozcicha2264]

I’m a 51 year old mother of a daughter and two sons. I would be proud to call you part of my family. You are gorgeous, and well spoken! The world needs your heart!💖

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you so much Cyndi!! You're so sweet and it sounds like you have a wonderful family. I'm grateful that you reached out with your loving words today.

[@eyeraisemyvibe7636]

I'm so sad to read the negative comments. You don't deserve this. No matter how many times you make mistakes, you grow in doing so. I wish you all the best xox

[@anamarias.9070]

For some people those mistakes cost them very expensive, like death expensive..

[@marias9550]

As a parent I hope you find your true self, prayers up!

[@jarlanaudic6493]

You need to travel and see the world for what it is. Open your eyes and look around. Perhaps take a reprieve from just thinking only about yourself. Life was never designed to be a happy little utopia. Life for most is a struggle. Many in this world don't even know where there next meal will come from. Travel Look Around, and Look Outward, for a while.

[@grlbydesign]

I lived in Germany for 2 years, I'm well traveled, I'm well educated, I don't see life the way you do. Life is a struggle for people because they lack direction. I want to inspire and empower people to live the lives they have only dreamed of. I'm in a great place today and I'm getting ready to begin making videos again soon. Thanks for commenting. :)

[@shaunawood3345]

jarla naudic biib

[@eminemilly]

Life is a struggle whether you have direction or not, no matter what

[@ruffyg5394]

@@grlbydesign there's so much more to your life than your sexuality. You were created by God for so much more. Wait a while...God loves you so much. Just call out to Him and see what happens. You take care!

[@ryno2980]

@@grlbydesign If a man thinks he'll only be happy once he is a woman then he will never be happy because he can never be a woman. Oh sure you can inject hormones and put on make up, maybe cut off your genitals and get surgery but in the end you're still male.

[@brayncilliers4577]

you have too much time and money on your hands

[@noneofya5993]

and no depth, no purpose...other than me, me, me, me I, me, I, me...

[@sheilledajoseph7612]

I know right?? I can't even afford getting braces and he is doing that

[@franciafrancia2481]

I'd suggest he/she focus on mental health more...all of this flip flopping between genders feels like a serious psychiatric problem to me. Instead of paying thousands for surgery that never seems to satisfy or make him/her happy, how about spending that money for therapy?

[@mansasedanu-kwawu5122]

LMAOOOOOOO

[@ashleykim6578]

Happy to her! Proud trans ❤️

[@zephyrr914]

I’m LDS and I understand. I hope you do know our Savior loves you so very much. I love you too :) I pray you are happy now. I have a big story too. Thinking of you hun!

[@melindahernandez8778]

" I AM NOONE TO JUDGE ANYONE!" . Love, Peace and Joy...are on the inside. Look beyond the mirror and embrace you soul.

[@erickagray4333]

LOVE, JOY AND PEACE COME JESUS CHRIST, THESE ARE THE FRUITS OF HIS SPIRIT ......... GALATIONS 5

[@buzzinboi3770]

How do you know you won't change your mind again

[@grlbydesign]

I know because I've done an INSANE amount of soul searching and cannot deny that I am transgender. I used to try and forget that, to pretend it wasn't the case, and to fight against it. I can no longer do so, because I know with certainty who I am. That's why I made this video. :)

[@buzzinboi3770]

@@grlbydesign but when you decided to got back to your original gender I assume you thought about it a lot did your " "soul searching" and then decided no I'm definitely male I just made a mistake you don't know for certain that you won't fell like that again, you may think you know for certain but clearly you don't you were male then you thought you were female then you were like nope I shouldn't have done that and now your like well actually I'm female? Hmm okay you really seem to have things in order

[@grlbydesign]

I didn't, I was impulsive. I craved my old life so much! I missed my friends, the normalcy, the ability to live in the world without all of the added struggles of being a transgender woman. I wanted to be loved, and I felt it wasn't possible if I lived authentically as the trans woman I am. So there were lots of reasons to go back. I did go back. I experienced so much heartache, pain, and severe depression. I went back inside the box in which I had lived most of my life. I adopted old tendencies and vernacular again. I did absolutely everything I could to make it work. Once you've transitioned though, and you've experienced freedom and total liberation of self, you cannot truly go back. I knew I was trans, I was living in denial, and I had no choice but to finally fully accept all of those parts of myself which I feared the most.

[@buzzinboi3770]

@@grlbydesign If you say so😞 until the next time you decide being transgender is too tough😑 and you miss your friends again🙃well good luck with that one

[@Tonisnightout]

@@grlbydesign but how do you know you weren't "impulsive" when you transitioned to a woman the first time around? Why was craving your old life a bad thing? Why do you feel the struggle is the better option? Also sounded like your therapist encouraged it with out first exploring other options. Why can't you be a cross dresser if that makes you happy? Why the hormones and surgery? The hormones cause cancer and if your mother died from it, it may be hereditary... Why take that risk? I'm Not being a dick... just asking.

[@miguelcabezashametti5869]

We are young, we make mistakes, we are not born knowing who we are, it's a journey, not gonna lie some are harder than others but they make you who we are as people, you shouldn't be embarrassed of your mistakes, that's how we learn

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you, this is a great reminder to be grateful for the hardships.

[@Heidishereandthere]

Miguel Cabezas Hametti No no no!!

[@Heidishereandthere]

Natalie Do not be deceived Nathan!!

[@ertugrul8126]

Natalie not be deceived by Heidi

[@ojlv6979]

Miguel Cabezas Hametti Nice coment.i can't imagine how hard is ti a transgender(man or woman)to start all over again,the pain ,suffer that feels it has to be awful but it's good to know that now it's back on track.

[@catherinehammond1519]

Nothing creepier that a middle aged XY calling themselves 'girl'.

[@grlbydesign]

Fuck off

[@catherinehammond1519]

@@grlbydesign oooh an XY in the wild, need a tissue for those man tears?

[@huklj]

She looks like she is about to cry. Everything will be ok. You go, girl :)

[@huklj]

@J S Nah, I wanted to say girl

[@ihaveleftthisaccount3710]

Who cares what you wanted to say? Hes clearly unstable and you're not helping. If he wasnt a guy he wouldnt have gone through retransitioning Edit: nvm sorry

[@huklj]

@@ihaveleftthisaccount3710 An expert I see. Mistaking basic definitions.

[@ihaveleftthisaccount3710]

@@huklj wait I went on their channel and apparently they're a girl now.. What? I'm so confused

[@huklj]

@@ihaveleftthisaccount3710 Retransition means that she went from guy to girl, came back to beeing a guy and then transitioned again to be a girl. Apology accepted bro

[@antje1076]

I can't imagine how much pain you went through!! You're so brave! Wish you the very best! Greetings from Germany

[@grlbydesign]

Antje Kunstorf danke sehr fürs Kompliment!! ❤️

[@d-meth]

Denise Vasquez Lemrick Is there anything that will make hair and nails grow SLOWER? I'm so sick of clipping my nails weekly and getting my hair cut monthly (or rather not getting it done) and people asking if I'm growing it out 😩😠. Please, if anyone knows a way to SLOW nail and hair growth let me know. TY

[@Vaan1891]

Depression, the ultimate battle with yourself. I'm happy that you were able to come to terms with things and let yourself be happy again. :)

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you so much!!

[@hannah3146]

Cereal Pirate did she ever even get sexual reassignment surgery? They didnt just want to cut it off they have a mental illness aka gender dysphoria

[@notimeforb.s7499]

Just be 100% before you do anything drastic (surgery) !! Don't forget ,you've changed your mind once before .good luck !!

[@kassimees]

Hannah Benard He will continue being depressed and screwed up no matter how many "transitions" he undergoes. The guy is a self absorbed narcissist

[@kassimees]

PaleBit Alien what does your question have to do with anything?

[@hocuspocus111]

i am so sorry about this comment section, wish you well ♡

[@muz201]

Well done, glad to hear your life is moving in the right direction!

[@samevans1289]

What I originally intended to comment after watching the video was "Damn you, you look goddamn gorgeous both female and male ;-; " but after reading some of the replies you have given people in the comment section, I see myself obligated to comment "Damn you, you are goddamn gorgeous _inside and out_ " instead. Good luck and I hope your transition goes smoothly and without complications. 😊💜

[@grlbydesign]

I'm so glad you watched this and then commented. I want to be known for who I truly am and not just my body. Thank you for the beautiful comment and the well wishes!! Xoxo

[@athena_the_goddesss6238]

She's not wearing makeup in this video

[@EarleyDaysYet]

NwoDispatcher: I’m a cis female who doesn’t wear makeup. I also don’t have, or have ever wanted, children. I hate dolls, won’t be caught dead wearing or sleeping in anything pink, had my hair buzz cut at the start of summer so I didn’t have to worry about it for 3 months, played baseball, rode BMX, trekked through woods and jungles, had pet snakes, AND: wished I had been a boy, for the freedom from expectations. But I’m not trans. I just liked what I liked and hated being told I “had” to do a particular thing a particular way, ‘just’ because I’m a girl. How many stereotypes does society have about women, and should we never talk about which ones belong to the lady parts and which belong to cultural norms? Where I grew up, facial tribal-specific tattooing was done pre-puberty, and that was normal … but nobody expected me to get it done, because it was cultural (and because my mother would’ve burned down the village), not biological. It’s not up to you to mansplain which parts of “being a woman” are OK with you.

[@NwoDispatcher]

+athena blade point? tell me then, why does wearing clothes commonly worn by women make him question his fucking gender when "women's clothes" are a stereotype of female fashion?

[@camt9967]

Liking all your very intelligent points ND

[@AnevaWalker]

All I would like to say is God loves you, more than you can imagine. You are beautifully and marvelously made, there was no mistake in God choosing you to be a man. None, whatsoever. I’m really sorry you had to go through all that you have in life, and your story has the power to help another young man or woman going through what you have. Know, that God has a plan for you, plan to prosper you, to give you a hope and a future. If you ask him, he will direct you to the best version of you. You are loved! There is a real enemy out there who wants to steal and kill every good thing you have to offer the world. He wants to drag you through the dirt of emotional and physical turmoil and leave you stranded in the dust. But your bravery in speaking your story has opened the door of freedom. Freedom to be who you were made to be. I’ll be covering you in prayer, much love, you’re an amazing person!

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you for commenting. I don't think he/she/it made a mistake either. I think I was supposed to learn some difficult lessons, and I would like to say that I finally have. You're an amazing person too and thank you for your prayers. Best of luck to you!!!

[@colesquilts]

My heart goes out to you. I was raised Mormon and it was very difficult to come out.

[@jayghilarducci7049]

these comments did not pass the vibe check

[@LilyGazou]

I wonder what the long term effects are of hormones like that.

[@irishnessie]

They will have take these horomones for the rest of their lives. Any longterm use of medication will cause problems. I took antidepressents since i was 15 (now 27) and i got liver problems...and a whole lotta other stuff i dont wanna get into. But i imagine something as strong as horomones will cause a whole range of problems down the line.

[@queennuura4365]

Also from what I have seen and noticed on a lot of transgenders is that it gives them depression. People claim that transgenders are depressed because they can't be the person/gender they identify with...but those pills/medication either makes the depression worse or because of the medication the depression starts.

[@siginotmylastname3969]

Similar to puberty mostly.

[@siginotmylastname3969]

@Daisy Juice you're thinking of testosterone.

[@siginotmylastname3969]

@@queennuura4365 while dealing with dysphoria makes a lot of people depressed long before they consider any medical transition, because of medical gatekeeping, drawn out processes when you do know what you want and the challenges/danger of going through transition (which while it's happening could make someone more obviously trans as their body changes), it's inevitably a time which can also trigger more dysphoria/depression.

[@logical1291]

Mental health is so important.

[@grlbydesign]

It absolutely is!!

[@NathanaelDuke]

Hey chica. I get it, and you’re valid. I’ve spent a lot of time pre-transition thinking about what I would do if I lived as my authentic self and nobody accepted me, what I would do. Thank you for sharing your journey and showing us that going back into the closet doesn’t make anything any better, no matter how much our rose-tinted memories of pre-transition life seemed better. You are so strong, and we love you. ❤️ 💕

[@falkenvir]

Self Discovery can go too far at times and irreversible..

[@mr.jordan9185]

MENTAL health is Important. I pray you get help

[@joharrison6014]

hope you do too MR. JORDAN :) it will be ok..

[@stevebuscemisarm8927]

My entire child hood i dressed as a boy. I acted like one and i felt like one. When my mother told me i couldn't wear shorts to the swimming pool like my male cousins i was extreamly upset and didn't understand why. People would mistake me for a boy everytime we went out and i couldn't help but feel a little upset each time my mom corrected them that i was a girl. My family is extreamly catholic and would yell at me eachtime they'd ask "do you like boys or girls" and I'd say girls. To this very day i can't shake the thought of imagining myself as a man with a beautiful wife and kids. It makes me happy but i feel so much shame even thinking about it. I feel like a blank canvas. I look in the mirror and i dont feel like my soul is in my body. Everytime i think about it i think about how my grandparents would look at me. How my parents would think of me. Would they still love me if i wasnt their little girl. Im really confused now and im wondering if anyone is going through the same thing.

[@grlbydesign]

So many people are going through the same things. You're not alone and if you have any questions or lack direction, I will try to help as best I can. Just know that life is what you make of it. You can get through anything.

[@DivaLenne]

Apparently I go through this but the other way round.

[@kristivaldez5815]

You know in your soul who you are. Transgender people are creating a space for themselves. Who do YOU see when you look at yourself? Be that authentic you. God bless.

[@Tryoutz747]

You need to get yourself completely removed from the demonic Catholic church first. That is where the demons inside of you came from. You need to hang out with other straight women and get masculine attention so you won't crave the female attention your boy cousins got so often as child. Most important you need to join a nondenominational Christian church and learn the true scripture and feel the Holy Spirit and Jesus come to you. It will cast out the evil spirits that entered you in the demonic Catholic church. You will feel pretty and accepted as female and be very happy.

[@vernonymous8892]

Tryoutz747 you have been brainwashed hun. We are born this way lol, I got enough male attention and I'm still a trans male. Don't be so ignorant and open up your mind, it's 2018 ffs.

[@skeletonlake9614]

The "re-transitioner" movement is now real. Maybe people should just not expect immediate changes and work through some things before switching genders like switching hairstyles.

[@JMARTIN1947]

I also vote that this person has mental health issues. His stories are consistently about his anguish, shame, guilt, unhappiness, and fears. He radically bounces into different life styles but doesn’t remain anywhere for long. He/she is a mental wreck.

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you :) Have some fucking humanity. Xx

[@terri639]

Reggie Wagstaff Are you a health professional? A psychologist? Don't worry about answering that question...I already know the answer. Do you realize how damaging it can be to someone for a unqualified person to say someone has "mental health issues?" Until you get a degree in psychology or psychiatry you might want to consider leaving that diagnosis to professionals. It's irresponsible and quite dangerous. You shouldn't make any definitive statements about anything unless you know the facts. Even psychologists/psychiatrists wouldn't diagnosis anyone from seeing a single video. This is called "armchair psychology," and is extremely frowned upon. Why? Because you don't know all the facts and are unable to make a diagnosis until you've had sessions with someone. Please don't be irresponsible and speak as if you're informed when you clearly are not. Thanks. Natalie luckily seems to let the negative comments go in one ear and out the other from amateur armchair psychologists in this thread. What about someone else? People should never have an opinion on anything without being very well educated on the topic.

[@anonymousanonymous-qx7mv]

@@grlbydesign they do...they are being honest and you are in denial...tough love can hurt...but thats what it is...trying to get you to see that you have issues...which is obvious to any sane person.

[@lilithjesus7718]

Why do you think he has struggled so much? The conservative judgemental life-suppressing dynamic needs to go. It does indeed create suffering in MANY people. I genuinely hope your eyes get opened . Peace ✌🏻.

[@lilithjesus7718]

anonymous anonymous it is unfortunate you cannot see your own insanity. Educate yourself- have you seen Katie Couric's documentary called Gender Revolution ? Or are you too locked in your mentally insane perceptual cage to begin to look at more information?

[@kristyhacker4212]

God bless your heart. cry out to Jesus he will help you find out who you are supposed to be. you are beautiful!

[@grlbydesign]

Thanks Kristy, I'm in a really wonderful place now!! Xx

[@rosariavariegata7062]

Hi I'm a trans girl myself, and I find that washing your hair without shampoo is honestly one of the fastest way I've been able to grow out my hair. My hair routine is to wash it with warm water only, every couple of days. After massaging and washing through it with hair, I take couple drops of rosemary oil onto my hands and put it on the scalp and the length of my hair. When you dry your hair it's gonna look a bit dry, and what I do to fix this is rub some Jojoba oil into my hair (a drop or two should do it, Jojoba also helps with hair growth!) I hope you have a wonderful 2018 :) 💖

[@grlbydesign]

Thanks for all the hair advice girl!! :D

[@r-platt]

I recommend using shampoo - it removes a lot of things water alone will not - like dirt and pests. If you want long hair, estrogen is your ticket. If you want shiny hair, rake a few drops of argon oil through your hair. If you want ultra-shiny hair, before bed douse your hair in argon oil and cover it with a bag and hold it with a hair band.

[@lhdollbaby]

Rachael Platt. or a nice wig or bomb weave....

[@daughterofthmosthigh]

Sadly It sounds like you are talking yourself into it. It's really sad you did not love yourself for who you are or who you became or who you changed back to and now change again to. Please don't give guildance to people just get some deeper guidance. Or talk to a few who regret transition and why, then see if that is you.

[@shannaveganamcinnis-hurd405]

Too much time spent worrying about whether one is truly happy will NEVER make you happy. Just live your life and do good in the world. Help people. Help animals. Do good for the planet and it’s inhabitants. This is what made me happy. Nothing else matters

[@cate2728]

I feel embarrassingly naked showing my ignorance, but this is the first time I’ve ever heard of detransition (my phone isn’t even recognizing it as a word). I feel so confused and that makes me so sad because for someone going through this. It all sounds so scary. Surgery alone scares the hell out of me and needing to feel whole shouldn’t have to be. What are the health risks of going back and forth (for lack of better verbiage)? Is it dangerous? You seem like a beautiful person and I hope the support and love you have around you reflects what you deserve. I am so sorry that confusion and fear caused your friends to laugh at you. I think that some or all of us need some damn credit for just being here today! 2018 is going to have great things for you! Xoxox

[@kristinb8268]

Why do you think you would regret it Cali? Also yes very good points.

[@thedrowningboys5426]

The most common instances of detransition is butch and gender non conforming lesbians who at one point partially or fully transitioned to male. For a lot of women loving women, especially butch wlw, it feels safer or more acceptable for them to identify as a straight trans man rather than a butch lesbian. Obviously this is a very personal experience that can be hard to understand if you haven't lived it, but it's somewhat common and it's really one of the only "valid" instances of detransitioning. I'm telling you this to let you know that long term detransitioning does happen, but generally only in an instance where a lesbian (or gay man, but more commonly lesbian) identified as a straight trans person due to internalized homophobia. This is something people like terfs (trans exclusionary radical feminists) will use against trans people, especially trans women, as a way to insist that they aren't "really" women, but it's basically bullshit and a bad excuse. Sorry if this reply makes no sense, I got no sleep last night lol

[@brianrawcliffe2076]

I respect you for coming out with this story and being so tactful in your replies to the more negative comments on this thread. I wish you the best of luck in your journey and while it’s hard to start over, I am so very glad what you’ve learned out of this is who you are. God bless you and your journey.

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, and for validating the way in which I interact with the negativity here. There are times when I explode and cannot keep my emotions at bay. I definitely have said things which have made me feel remorse and are not an accurate depiction of my character, but I do TRY to always take the high road. Your comment meant a lot to me today, and I truly am grateful you took the time to reach out. Thank you, and good luck on your journey through life as well! Xx

[@Solaceon]

Yeah. These comments are so misguided and cruel. They're hard to read, and I'm pretty strong minded. Without living another person's life, it's easy to dismiss their mindset and the way they are. They don't know what it's like to experience gender dysphoria, because they've had the privilege of being satisfied with who they are. They aren't interested in helping either, just getting angry and riled up over something they can't understand, just expressing their prejudice in order to distance themselves from ideas that make them uncomfortable. Trans people have been around for many years, and the difference in brain structure between men and women has been proven by science. It's been long proven that it's not a choice. They haven't read about it, because they don't actually want to have their opinions challenged. Because of their biases, they're missing out on so many strong and kind men and women (and everyone in between). That's their loss. Best of luck in your journey to discover who you are, Natalie. It's not an easy path, but your struggles are valid and you matter. You'll beat this someday. You'll come out the other end stronger.

[@mandawelsh185]

Oh, Natalie. I cannot imagine the emotional turmoil you have been experiencing. You are so brave and strong. Everyone feels identity issues at some point in their life, but I cannot imagine to your extent. I’m cheering for you.

[@roguegeneral5459]

There is nothing wrong with the bitch you dumb fuck

[@weikopfseeadler3528]

You are who you are. You are two spirit. Bodily changes is not that what is making us happy, just accepting our true spirit nature. Wish all the best for you!

[@kaiyodei]

two spirit is only for Indigenous North Americans

[@abinkleysf]

I hope that Natalie has explored the possibility that neither male nor female will ever be a good fit. It's possible to feel at home in neither of the strict binary options. I'm so disturbed to hear that detransitioning was an impulse choice made out of a desire to mold herself to be a better fit for a love interest known for a very short period of time. I'm not shading her; I'm sympathizing. It's incredibly frightening to imagine. I can empathize with having a personality that makes one feel like if one is not moving forward full speed ahead, one is floundering and wasting time. I totally experience this in my life. Sometimes your soul just needs time. If you force any choice before you're ready, you will constantly make the wrong choices and be forced to back track. It's ok to just "live" for a while. Life's a marathon, as they say.

[@grlbydesign]

I don't disagree with you at all, but I feel like things happened the way they were supposed to happen. I was in therapy tonight and realized for the first time in my life I am able to say I absolutely know who I am. I've never been able to say that before, and I also realized how empowered and different I feel. I'm no longer ashamed to be me and it took YEARS to get here. So while I don't disagree, for some reason, my life took the road less traveled by, and I'm grateful for it.

[@pyromanticprince]

Natalie I guess don't worry about being anything or anyone but what makes you happy ^^

[@jwoolman3425]

Aaron Binkley - I was thinking the same thing, that she could just consider herself intersex tilted toward female. My bias is that I hate to think people have to seriously change their bodies to be able to be accepted as they are. Fiddling with hormones is ok, since the mix we are born with may not be optimum for us. And that does make a huge difference in what we look like. But it would be nice if surgery and implants etc. were completely unnecessary. If we could just get rid of the tiny little boxes society tries to put everybody into, I wonder if the feeling of being in the wrong body would vanish.

[@yallratripbye9570]

Omfg I give you props. You learned so much about yourself, and had the courage to share it with others to help them. THANK YOU

[@grlbydesign]

yall r a trip bye thank you!!! I'm grateful to be able to help and hopefully keep others from making some of the same mistakes.

[@Breeandfree]

Heartbreaking story. Thank you for sharing. I hope you come to accept yourself for who God made you and k ow you don’t need to change anything

[@taylortooth6940]

Exactly. God made her transgender and I’m glad she’s finally able to be happy with herself through transition.

[@Breeandfree]

@@taylortooth6940 why would God make someone transgender?

[@pumpkinpie2978]

I feel so bad for him, he was so beautiful, I wonder what really happened in his childhood..

[@Kuzzon]

sweety if people stop being your friend because of the choices you make to better yourself then they were not true friends to begin with . remember you will always be the SAME person on the inside only with a different wrapper. love you

[@grlbydesign]

Mili Parks love this!! Love you Mili!!! Thank you!! ❤️

[@JJ-mz9hl]

"to better yourself", that's your just YOUR opinion of 'better', everyone has their version of better or a good person, it's not always the same as yours.

[@grlbydesign]

Jane Matsu you're absolutely right, everyone does have a different concept of what is right for them, or "better" for them. This is my version of that. The original commenter is a very personal friend of mine and she is showing her support and cheering me on as such, and she knows how much it means to me. That said, I don't understand where your issue with the comment lies. Would you care to expound on your thoughts?

[@cellogirl11rw55]

Mili Parks Or, they disagreed with his choices and didn't want to stand for them.

[@Kuzzon]

it doesnt matter . they are her choises to make . no one elses. that is what makes america the best country to live in . freedom of choice.

[@MzKaylaNH]

Oh honey thank you for making this video. I lived for many years as the woman I am and then went through things. Since then I have detransitioned several times physically not medically and have been so confused. I have known who I truly am since the age of 4 when I started correcting people and telling them that I was a girl and not a boy. I did a TV show on TLC that was meant to help our community and somewhere in there I lost who I was and went through some issues. I am so happy to learn im not alone and I feel so much better coming across your video. Thank you! Much love and success! Kayla K

[@grlbydesign]

Thanks Kayla!! I'm so glad to hear that you're on the right path now. This is a hard experience and not everyone is strong enough to live it. It's worth the heartache and discomfort at times though. It's so easy to get lost in the experience when you allow it to be the only defining thing in your life. I've seen it many times. I'm posting a new Vlog this week, hopefully you can connect with something I say. I'm grateful to have helped you to not feel so alone, because you absolutely are not alone. Reach out to me if you ever need to chat. Xx

[@cityofangels4874]

and now imagine 4 y.o kids making this decision i changed my mind every week when i was a little child! this makes me so sad :(

[@grlbydesign]

So the way development works in children is that identity develops in the first 3-7 years of life. After this time, society begins to pick them apart and help them to assimilate. Whether by bullying or compliments. So if a kid is like me and knew at 4, had I had the empowerment to be who I was and the support, my entire story never would have happened. I wouldn't have transitioned then detransitioned and did it again. That was all a result of years of bullying and societal conditioning. So it makes me sad when a child is not supported in their identity and empowered with tools to be happy and healthy.

[@leftymadrid]

You are a special individual woman or man, your are a great hearted person. And some can only try to understand your journey, just do what YOU think is right and may your path have love in it. Once you are happy with who you are, you will be able to enlighten yourself and help others in similar situations... always remember that You my friend are much braver and stronger than most, so give yourself a pat on the back from time to time and ALWAYS keep positive :-) :-) I don't even know how I got here... I am not gay, not a transgender, just a regular simple man...but I am someone who can recognize a good human being.

[@NoName-nh3fq]

"Life's not about finding yourself but about creating yourself."

[@grlbydesign]

No Name I couldn't agree with this more. We all need to create our best version of ourselves and freely express it. ❤️

[@VictoriaParisChanel]

And I lost EVERYTHING during my transition as well my sister but I gained so much more. I gained ME. I found ME.

[@EWARO87]

You are a super brave person. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to give up to many aspects of your life. People can be rude and make judgments without knowing a single thing from you or your life, but who cares!! As long as you are happy and feel comfortable in your own skin!! Cheers super woman!!

[@daviawyliefinch3017]

Thanks for sharing this, Natalie. Stories like yours are very important to hear. Transitioning is hard. Sometimes, it's too hard and people have to take a step back. Your story is perfectly understandable to me and to anyone who understands the trans experience.

[@spicybiscuit88]

Im so glad you survived all the confusion and dark times and came out the other side stronger! You are amazing! Sending you lots of love 💜💜💜

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you so much!!

[@thatorientalkid9509]

Nothing but respect ✊🏼 I’m glad you’ve find your truth and happiness again, I hope you the best Natalie 😊

[@grlbydesign]

Thanks Justin, I really appreciate the comment!!

[@juliangastelum2138]

You are broken inside. You will never be happy no matter what you do. You need to heal your mind and learn to love yourself before you can make a decision on what it is you want for yourself. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

[@roxyndra]

Old vid, I know. Just commenting in case anyone else out there questioning is watching -- you don't have to be binary! Watching your more recent vids next. :) Sorry you have to deal with so much toxicity online. Thank you for being so open about these struggles. It's really nice for people working through these things.

[@celia-ov6rm]

There's no such thing a non-binary. Everyone is either a guy or a woman. For example, sometimes, I feel like taking care and time with my makeup and hair; other days, I just wash my face and put my hair in a ponytail and nothing more. Sometimes I feel like watching 'Love actually' or 'The notebook' and other days I feel like watching 'Alien' or 'Die hard'. But I am always a woman. That non-binary thing is BS!

[@roonilwazlib5402]

celia I agree with you, there are only stereotypical gender roles. (When you ask a gender fluid female born person why they’re gender fluid, they’ll answer something like because they don’t identify as a woman because they don’t like dresses and makeup, and didn’t want to play with dolls as a kid etc. But of course you can be and identify as a female even if you love to play football, grow out your body hair and don’t see yourself as a mother. We’ve only been brainwashed since birth that boys play with cars and girls with Barbie dolls.) But on the other hand I can somehow understand that some people who don’t identify with the gender role they “should” have, want to show others that they’re not typically female or male and probably also want to connect with others who feel the same, and that’s where being “gender fluid” as like kind of a community comes in I guess. And that’s the point - it’s not a third or fourth gender, it’s an identity.

[@Blujonny11]

I am a straight male who writes a lot of female centric poetry. People often assume I am a female when they read my poetry online. I have to admit I accidentally ran across your video but it made me feel like in the unhappiness I have been feeling lately (feeling like I want to be somewhere else) that I rely a lot on empathy (which I rarely have access to in real life (I'm also from Utah)) and watching your video and understanding that you, yourself are probably a strong empath in some ways, possibly because of your experiences made me begin to feel emotionally grounded again. I thank you for that.

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you for reaching out and letting me know. Being an empath is extremely taxing on me, but I'm grateful to be able to be there for others and help them to work through some of their own issues. I'm glad this helped you and I hope you continue to find peace going forward. Xx

[@irgendwie7331]

I enjoyed listening to you. Such peace and empathy radiates from you. Thank you for sharing the wisdom you have gained. ♥

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you so much for that and for making me feel special today. I hope you're having a wonderful day and that you have some peace today too. Xx

[@irgendwie7331]

Youre so kind! And such a special soul indeed. Glad and humbled my words could lighten up your day a bit! Just wanted to share how your sweet presence made me feel. Thank you for your well wishes, they are deeply appreciated. Hope your day is going smooth and wonderful too. ♥

[@shehnaazmirza2]

I feel sorry to hear about your mother. When I dress-up, I see her in my new avatar. She is bold, young, pretty and caring. I learnt a lot from this video. Thank you and I wish you all the best.

[@raynekimi2755]

I don't understand why some men say they feel like a girl. Since this video is not about FTM'S. I don't feel like a girl. I just know I am. I don't dwell on it.

[@EiaWea]

Not sure how I came across this video but you have such a warm and sweet spirit. May 2018 be your year of peace and blessings!!! ❤

[@grlbydesign]

Thank you!! I hope the same for you!!

[@jzwalz51robin45]

Sounds like you will always struggle with who are.

[@grlbydesign]

I'm at peace with myself now. I may not be where I want to be, and struggle for that reason, but it's a matter of time. :)

[@missckred]

I'm so happy you finally found what makes you happy. I'm sorry for your struggles but you are right, they have made you a stronger person. Best of luck to you, Natalie. I'm very happy for you that you are now able to be the woman you always wanted to be.

[@theverticalgiraffe2102]

Non-trans person here, but someone who is very interested in the trans community. I have been following a lot of trans people out of pure curiosity, and I have noticed a trend among a lot of trans people, especially with those transitioning and de-transitioning. I think they are searching for happiness (as we all are), and for them, they think happiness comes with being the other gender. But once they transition, they are still unhappy in some way. Please mistake me if I am wrong here, but I have just come to the conclusion that we are all just searching for happiness, and for trans people specially, this gets blurred with their gender dysphoria. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but I really hope you find your happiness Natalie