Did Dissociative Fugue Cause Three Disappearances? | Hannah Upp Case Analysis

[@nathanieldrake6658]

I think it’s important to add that she wasn’t just a regular teacher but a NY Teaching Fellow -it’s a highly competitive program that puts enormous stress on its participants by placing them in some of the worst schools in the city to teach full time while taking mandatory courses to pursue a masters in education.

[@MaryGIrlMoody]

This case literally scares me because I was diagnosed with dissociative amnesia with fugue two years ago. I was poisoned by heavy metals for nine months, managed to live, and that's how I developed the disorder. When I first went into fugue states, I had no clue who I was, where I was, how I got there, and my instinct was to run away every single time. Now, I wear a GPS everyday, everyone knows I have the disease and knows to help me if I appear scared and lost, and I can't go anywhere alone anymore in case I run away again. I've learned to live with it and pray every day for Hannah. Dissociative amnesia with fugue is scary as fuck and does exist. Thank you for discussing this controversial topic Dr. Grande!!

[@rachelgooden9981]

How were you poisoned? Deliberate? I’m so curious. Girl, you have a story to tell. I’m sure a lot of people would want to hear it. Wishing you all the best!

[@mikexxxmilly]

Just curious, how were you poisoned?

[@thelostronin]

Um....I thought the doctor specifically said this could not be caused by a neurological disorder or drugs and I feel like heavy metal poisoning is at least one of those...

[@pauline_f328]

@@thelostronin What caused the disorder was, I assume, the trauma linked to nearly dying, not the poisoning :)

[@jaimeduncan6167]

Thanks a lot for sharing your experience and the way you are coping with it. I am not sure why is so difficult to believe, since we don't know how self-awareness work and the brain is a distributed network. What is fantastic to me is that we have a sense of self, and that it's just one. People also dream and we are not always on our dreams (at least for a wile). Again really, thanks for sharing.

[@TheJPSalvador]

It seems that the common element for Hannah is her teaching jobs. If I had to deal with young students, I might also enter a fugue state as well

[@Samuelle09]

You just broke the plot of breaking bad wide open huehuehue

[@SuperGuanine]

you mr. salvador are toooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny. 🤣

[@rishaa682]

This gave me a good laugh

[@Hollylivengood]

I believe a good number of teachers enter a fugue state as soon as they walk into a class room, so I think you might have hit on a correct speculation.

[@samlsd9711]

It seems like it triggers it. I agree it's a huge responsibility.

[@PhoenixRisen63]

I worked for a doctor, for nearly 15 years, who had a wife with mental illnesses. I can remember several episodes where he had to cancel clinic mid-shift because his wife had gone for a drive, gone into a fugue state and found herself, lost and confused, in a neighboring state, and he had to go rescue her.

[@Eclipse1369]

Omg nearing 1 million. I’m just so happy that you’re normalizing therapy.

[@JustJ-Me]

I'm happy for him having his channel really take off. I began watching his early videos regarding toxic relationships and such. I've watched/ listened to his podcast(s) as well and they're also pretty interesting & funny.

[@toby099]

Personally I believe Hannah suffered from what is known clinically as "vaginitis". This is a rare disease where the patients obsession for poontang begins to interfere with their general well being on a day to a day basis. She appeared to demonstrate all the classic symptoms of the disorder, which include regular use of large black dildos, unusually fishy breath eminating from the mouth area, as well as a abnormally disconcerting hatred for the male gender.

[@guardiansanimalrescuestate7289]

@@toby099 if u don’t have something nice to say then keep your trap shut.

[@secondsoprano150]

I knew Hannah when I went to hear her sing either Chamber Singers of Haverford and Bryn Mawr Colleges. My daughter was in the choir with her. She’s a lovely person and I am praying she is alive somewhere and will return to us.

[@xxxag1768]

She was my teacher in 7th grade for Spanish in Thurgood Marshall (2007-08 I believe). Was a really upbeat woman who cared about teaching us. I remember when she disappeared in New York. I was worried for a while and didn't even know she had disappeared another time before her last time. Honestly, I find it so odd to learn this much about her being that she was just "miss upp" to us. Now I know her family background, sexual preferences, some history of her situation ect. Wasnt expecting this much info about someone I seen everyday for a year as a teacher figure and nothing more. I think its unfortunate that she went though these mental issues because she never showed any indicators of issues. I remember having fun with her during a field trip through Saint Nicholas Park right beside Thurgood Marshall. For some reason I decided to look her up and now I'm here. Crazy how years later I dont know what happened to her still

[@nineteenfortyeight]

So ... fluent in Spanish

[@xxxag1768]

@@nineteenfortyeight Nope lol

[@independentthinker9113]

You mentioned that the first two episodes each followed a trip to Europe with her father, who was described as religiously strict and probably not accepting of her sexual preferences. Preaching is similar to teaching...both in the words and in the behaviors used, such as telling people what to do and giving them information. A strict father also can behave the way a teacher behaves when controlling her class. Perhaps spending time with her father could have triggered a subconscious desire to distance and detach herself from the part of her identity that was similar to her father's; hence, the episodes occurring just as she was to begin behaving like her father.

[@irenegriffin3050]

I was thinking the same. Or perhaps he subjected her to some kind of conversion "therapy" while abroad which would cause trauma.

[@JaredTG.]

Very smart thinking 👍 seems like you're in the ballpark. Poor lady.

[@penelope-oe2vr]

Or he was the one who was so abusive this is what caused her disassociative disorder in the first place. Him then the stress of school.... bingo

[@birdnird]

Yes, I can’t help but think her father, repressive religion, and her sexuality have something to do with it. Maybe she was even abused as a child

[@crowredeye8066]

I had a roommate in college who was brilliant. Her parents, especially her father, was extremely religious and controlling. She would have a psychotic episode every single time immediately following her return from visiting them at Christmas. She improved only when she broke completely away from them and lived her life by her own standards. Later she became a successful psychologist in the Bangor, Maine area. She had only one more episode (that I am aware of) and that followed the death of her wife. She's most likely retired now. I miss her.

[@esteemedmortal5917]

I appreciate you tackling my suggestion! Hannah was a year ahead of me in college. We didn’t know each other but the alumni networks were active in spreading the word when she first went missing. I don’t think the behavior was deliberate and conscious. I’m wondering if maybe there was a trauma and she repressed it or didn’t want to deal with it and this was how it expressed itself; like a cry for help. I hope she’s still out there and will be found again.

[@Blondebookwurmy]

I was two years behind her at BMC and knew her. She definitely was someone who suppressed negative feelings and always wanted to appear happy-go-lucky. I am absolutely sure she had a fugue state due to the stress of school year. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure she passed away during Hurricane Maria. I think the only reason this got so much attention was the alumnae network and Holly Gaiman.

[@toby099]

Personally I believe Hannah suffered from what is known clinically as "vaginitis". This is a rare disease where the patients obsession for poontang begins to interfere with their general well being on a day to a day basis. She appeared to demonstrate all the classic symptoms of the disorder, which include regular use of large black dildos, unusually fishy breath eminating from the mouth area, as well as a abnormally disconcerting hatred for the male gender.

[@tankthearc9875]

i drank everytime he said fague....

[@badlandskid]

Who else had to look up what the fugue that meant?

[@leslieclaire]

Any teacher can attest to the stress at the beginning of a school year. The first month of a new year is crazy. And if you have any doubts about your abilities then perhaps it is more pronounced. I think she had some resistance to starting the school year, either self-imposed or out of her control. It’s too bad it ended like it did.

[@susansjs]

Being a retired teacher, I can assure you that the first few weeks of school are very stressful. Coupled with spending time with her father, it may have led to her disappearance. We don't know what happened when she was with him. Sad that she ended her life.

[@blazefairchild465]

Being attracted to women perhaps she felt she would never be the daughter her father would be proud of. Sadly it ended like this

[@mikelobrien]

I think the stress of her encounters with her father coinciding with a new school year may have triggered her episodes. Does PTSD do things like that to the human brain? Fascinating story, Doctor Grande. I always learn something new from your videos. Thanks!

[@jhoughjr1]

both trauma and the human brain can do anything. Most trauma being catastrophic doesn't exclude weirdly precise, complex behaviors being involuntary or cut of from memory.

[@vickicarnes6860]

That was my thought exactly.

[@TheCatBilbo]

That was my first thought: two significant & specific stressors in close succession either trigger the fugue, or a major, depressive episode. She may then have entered the 'flight state' where she just had to get away, perhaps spending time wrestling with suicidal ideation. On the 3rd incidence she committed suicide, either by accident or design.

[@vickicarnes6860]

@@TheCatBilbo I'm really hoping she didn't commit suicide but something tells me that's the reason she was drawn to the water, poor girl!! I couldn't imagine being one of those parents or sibilings of a missing 411 victim, just heartbreaking 😭

[@WinterWitch01]

@@jhoughjr1 as someone diagnosed with PTSD I can easily believe it could case it.

[@deanwright7611]

As a one time school teacher I can off this insight. On the first day of term the desire to run away in the opposite direction seems pretty natural to me. She hated the job but had invested a lot financially and emotionally in taking this career path. But she found it really sucked. So she behaved like this, wandering around looking for some kind of breakthrough insight. Water can help people to think and get perspective. Then she actually threw herself in.

[@nancybeveridgetaylor3256]

I have had 3 fugue states (diagnosed), since a brain injury at work. I did not know my own name, have no memory of those instances. I did not even know my husband's name or who he was except that I liked him. I had been out of it for 2 weeks at first, long story, when I woke up, I was in the CCU tied down in a hospital bed with a catheter. I had no memory. I had apparently crashed my car driving on the wrong side of the freeway. But was not able to speak or explain what was happening. I was ultimately diagnosed with my first fugue state. I still wear a name ID bracelet with information of my fugue states and brain injury. I had to watch the police body cameras of me in my fugue state and it was terrifying. Because I could not speak, I was terrified and confused. I was drug tested, there was nothing in my system, except my thyroid medication.

[@Skitdora2010]

The fight or flight reflex codes memories differently inside the brain, still people don't believe people who simply do not remember or later remember. More study of trauma is needed to gain a greater understanding of memory and how the brain works.

[@JelloFluoride]

Sure, but there are more accounts involved than just her own recollection. She was most likely suicidal and ashamed of it due to her religious beliefs.

[@elizabethcarder5247]

Very true. People talk about things I did as a child and often have photographs, but I have no memory of many of these major events. I assumed it was due to living in a constant "fight or flight" state.

[@mattv18930]

Yeah. I’m actually so ashamed that this clinician just fell back on the idea that she was faking it. I’ve personally experienced dissociative amnesia about childhood trauma that I later remembered as an adult during therapy.

[@damnmuggle]

@@mattv18930 he gave options you need to chill out

[@damnmuggle]

@@mattv18930 he didn’t fall on the idea she was faking it he gave out all options what it could be happening

[@noplacelikehomecrochet5335]

The mind is very tricky and can destroy you the same as a heart attack. Thank you for carrying about mental health on this world mental health Day

[@kellyfelly6645]

I remember reading about this case a few years ago. I'm sorry to hear that she was never found. My condolences to her Mom and Dad and her friends. Thank you Dr. Grande for an interesting analysis. More interesting than a candy store, for sure. 😉

[@thedanielstraight]

Such a logical breakdown, thank you again, Doctor. This case has always fascinated me. It always made me think of Poe's Fall of the House of Usher, even though I imagine a catatonic state is something different? Anyway, I'm just fascinated that someone could open a candy store in a fugue state. I have a difficult time even opening a bag of crisps and I'm fully coherent (I think).

[@farnazrostami5302]

Opening a bag of chips 😂.

[@kathyadair8552]

😹

[@genievemcdonald9744]

What Hannah had buried deep was never carried to the top. Someone who knew her as a child may have information to reveal about a major trauma or abuse. I don't believe her actions were a "put on". We really are just beginning to understand Dissociative disorders as well as how memory forms/functions. My prayer is the advances that are being made in treating PTSD could lead to understanding Dissociative disorders too. Remember soldiers who were "shell shocked" were considered COWARDS in WWI. ...Thank you for your analysis Dr. G

[@ftoniaromano6480]

Dr. Grande - thanks for talking about this subject. Why do you have doubts about dissociative people? I can’t believe I’m still alive. For me it’s the memory. I forget who I was & behave differently at different times. I do respond to different names, however. I didn’t make the names up. Different relatives and friends call me by different names. It’s very scary at times because I forget where I am and who I am. There’s much more, but I’ll stop here. One more thing. I’ve always had pets (rescue dogs, ferrets, parrots etc.) They don’t seem to mind or get confused. Thank you for speaking about DID, fugues, etc. I’d like as much information as possible. 💖

[@OnsceneDC]

Dr. Grande, can you please, please, please provide analysis on Richard Minnich, featured in the documentary, "Forgetting Dad". He was in a minor car accident in 1989 and developed "amnesia" a week or two later. Ever since, he has consistently been in a state of what psychiatrists insist is a dissociative fugue. He was neurologically and psychiatrically evaluated at Stanford Medical Center. His son, Rick, made the film on this phenomenon and its fascinating. I actually got in touch with him to learn more, and although the film was made in 2010, his symptoms haven't changed. 32 years of fugue. He went on no "journies" and doesn't seem to suffer from any other symptoms. He just reverted to becoming juvenile and forgetting everything from his past. There is some compelling information from the film and my own research that leads me, IMHO that this could be malingering and perhaps he could be psychopathic. Rick (the son and filmmaker) is very accessible and this story is absolutely fascinating. I would love for another perspective. I'm not a clinician, but from what I know (much of what I've learned from you), it doesn't add up. I think the family would be cooperative and appreciate your perspective as well. I've just been so fascinated by this story because it is truly bizarre.

[@JustJ-Me]

Sounds interesting. I would look forward to hearing an analysis/perspective on that.

[@karmeluful]

Wow.. Just decided to take a break from learning coding and instantly a reason for the break came along..

[@apptouchtechnologies3722]

How’s it going? What language are u learning

[@btat16]

As a musician, I had no idea the word “fugue” had a meaning outside the musical context

[@cherylcampbell9369]

@Thomas Willa why are you spamming like this? You have nothing to do with this channel.

[@blazefairchild465]

Thank you Dr Grande this is most interesting. I find anything about the memory fascinating. I left California for almost 40 years before I went back ,as soon as we landed & they opened the door the Scent of California smell triggered memories I had forgotten all those years. Only I didn’t know they were actual memories until asking my family, I asked them a number of questions & they were , yes all that did happen. My family was amazed I remembered things from age two to six like they happened yesterday. Now don’t judge others quickly ,as fakes when they have recovered memories. Mine just popped into my head, I had no stress or lack of sleep just the smell of the air ,was so good it smelled like my childhood I guess ,so my long lost memories came back.

[@Dwightstjohn-fo8ki]

Recently talking with mom about some of her concerns about family life and decisions when I was very, very young (not able to construct full sentences yet) she was surprised that I remembered so much. And not nec. trauma but also the good times.

[@GelatinousCube-jw8vg]

The Dancing plague of 1518 would be a great topic for a video. Talking about the effects of mass hysteria in depth.

[@smrtrthnu1571]

Agreed. Would be very interested in hearing Dr. Grandes take on that event and other similar events

[@nomorenames5568]

There is no clinical evidence of mass hysteria to the degree of something like the dancing plague. Mass hysteria in a fire making people stampede? Sure. But no we have zero evidence that it's possible for people to just up and start believing they have to dance or they will die. Or the other case about nuns biting each other all over Europe at one point. If anyone knows any studies with evidence for why this happens feel free to share, I've never seen any

[@blissiimo2064]

( Clinical Psych ) I've experienced x2 in adolescence when I 'lost time' - broken by a wave of clarity when I realised I was simply wandering in a bewildered state for a few hours - but did not forget my identity. I would describe it as extreme day dreaming accompanied by a lack of volition. Maybe even a sense of slipping into sleep. Of note, I have a peculiar circadian rhythm ( essentially none ) since I was a small child I can sleep for literally days - and then stay awake for 24 . It was resolved with large doses of an SSRI in my 30's when this became available as an experimental treatment. Perhaps DF is actually biochemical in nature? We understand so very little about the nature of consciousness itself, It would not surprise me if the research reveals this kind of association. Don' t know about Hannah though - It struck me that her first episode was involuntary and the subsequent episodes were consciously repeated.

[@wy4553]

Oh my gosh, this is just terrifying. I can't imagine what it's like to forget everything about myself.

[@ronricherson6685]

This is definitely real. I had a dissociative fugue in winter 1995-1996. It was absolutely terrifying to "wake up" somewhere and not know anything. I reeled in black disorientation and panic. My saga with the mental health field has been as difficult as the disorder. I have DID, have fugues from time to time, PTSD, Somatization and have struggled with self-injury. For DECADES, no one could explain this. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and given drugs which were HORRIBLE. I finally went to a conference on dissociation and trauma and learned that all these issues were common or tangential parts of dissociation. I was horribly abused from infancy, ran away at only age 2 multiple times. As a man, it has been even worse. I was the only male to attend the conference and was mostly shunned by others with DID. I found a therapist in 2005 who has helped me. I have about 20 alters and spend 99% of my time in my room. I'm SICK of the debate about if these things are real. DID is in the DSM and the experts who added it have data to back it up; otherwise it wouldn't be there.

[@DirtyLifeLove]

Yikes, so sorry for you. 😢

[@lenymitchell]

I am sorry for your struggles. Have you written an auto biography?

[@ronricherson6685]

I have one in the works. It will be called "Broken Pieces," which is also the name of a song I've written to go along with it. It's like a "Bridge over Troubled Waters" song. And I've finished another book on how to overcome the long-term effects of childhood trauma. It likely won't be published until 2024 since I'm working on a major fundraiser for the next several months. I'm very excited to have overcome much of my trauma and all but eliminated my symptoms...in other words, my book worked for me, so perhaps it will help others. That one is entitled, "Bright Hope - a Voyage from Trauma to Transformation." I may actually release it as 5 short books, since it is so comprehensive. Thanks for asking! There is hope!

[@SetiSupreme]

Hi, my ex suffers from DID, can you be contacted via any means to discuss it? I think she would love to talk with someone who has experience with it. She's the most intriguing person I've ever met, although one of her alters, "The Protector' is a true psychopath who will do anything to keep her safe. In Finland it isn't an actual diagnosis that can be given so she has 21 different diagnoses and has gone through hell in the hands of psychiatry

[@ronricherson6685]

I'm so sorry to hear about your ex. Are you both in Finland? I can attest to being considered "unique" or different! I'm not sure I'm open to communicating, but will not rule it out. In the meantime, I can address a few things just from your brief message. First, DID is not a mental disorder and it is not a chemical imbalance in the brain. DID is the mind (and heart's) response to trauma. As Sir Isaac Newton said, "For every action there is ALWAYS an equal and opposite reaction." This is not just in physics, but it's a PRINCIPLE that can be applied to human beings. And such reactions can be delayed for many years. If you are sexually or physically abused from a very early age (yes, I was) your young mind cannot possibly handle it, neither can you fight back, run away, reason with you abuser or communicate what you suffer. But if it's truly horrific, the only method of escape is within yourself, and one way to do that is to dissociate. They call Post Traumatic Stress PTSD, adding the D for disorder. It is NOT a "disorder" PTS is a NORMAL and expected REACTION to trauma that our precious hearts and minds can't handle. Just like a soldier goes into PTS as if still at war upon hearing fireworks (for example), we who have DID (I have to call it that for clarity) can be triggered by far more subtle or minor events. Next, pyschiatrists are medical doctors, not psychologists. Because they practice medicine, their primary solution is medicine, and their only form of "medicine" is drugs, which are chemicals designed to address a CHEMICAL imbalance in the brain. DID is not a chemical, but the brain is still involved. Many psychiatrists attack DID as not real because it ruins their entire concept of dealing with mental or emotional distress. Why? Because it can't be treated with drugs! They believe DID is fake simply because it cannot be treated with drugs. As I tell many people, those who suffer alone like we do don't have broken minds, we have broken hearts. All our traumatic memories are stored in our subcsoncsious minds ...some are forgotten (this has been proven to be a reality, an study on trauma by Northwestern University and summed up by a great article you can find online). When we reach a certain age (it's different for everyone), our "reactions" to our hidden trauma comes in the form of self-injury, self-defeating behavior and decisions, drug abuse, violence towards others and other behaviors or...disssociation. Two people suffering the same thing may have completetly different "reactions," based on many different circumstances which would take awhile to share. Her alter called "The Protetector" is very common to those with DID. This is an alter who takes on the characteristics of the person who hurt them. They "learned" this behavior just like any child learns bad behavior from bad parents. The difference is, we are not normally strong enough to defend ourselves, so our introject takes over. I have one named Alexander. He comes out and overreacts when I'm threatened. In all cases, this type of alter is called an Introject. If it's any comfort, I saw 12 doctors or therapists over 3 years before a good psychiatrist diagnosed me. He is hated among his colleagues because he thinks pills are not always the answer. He was my 3rd psychiatrist. The problem is this: DID is NOT taught to those who are training to be therapists, and when you DON"T KNOW anything about it, you project what. you DO know on your patients. Even though I described my strange symptoms to many of them, they said, "Oh, it's just a midlife crises" or "depression and anxiety," when I've never really been a depressed person. To me, they were lazy and uncaring. They wanted "EASY." The psychiatrist who diagnosed me took the time to do research. After many years (having moved away) I found a therapist trained in DID. It helped and Im better, but I can tell you that doing the research that led to my book has been the best solution for me. It is not published yet as I'm working on a really big project that will take about 7 more months. In the meantime, I'll give you a quick hint. Trauma robs a you of your "VIP," Value, Identity and Purpose. When you those three, you fall into despair, which is why so many U.S. servicemen and women suffereing from PTS commit suicide. I've gone on way too long, but I care about people and want to help. I hope this helps a little.

[@stephanierevard7716]

No one gets this unless it happens to you, and you have no recollection or memory of days at a time. Super scary. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The mind is a powerful, beautiful, mysterious thing.

[@ritamariekelley4077]

💙

[@Sweetpea1128]

I am a huge believer in the idea that our mental health system is sadly lacking in its ability to care for our mentally ill population. Beyond that thought, my first thought was “Who was her primary bond?” I often asked someone during an assessment to tell me about each parent individually. I think this information would have held some clues to her behavior, whether it was fugue or intentional. As far as the possibility of intentional, I have also known people who repeated the same behaviors which always led to rescue at different intervals in their lives until that last time when they made a miscalculation and the rescue failed to happen. This was a very interesting case. Thanks for presenting it.

[@Potato_Bug]

I experienced a fugue state caused by an aggressive ear infection that spread to the mastoid bone in my skull and went septic… I drove to work, brought donuts for my staff, interviewed candidates for an opening in my staff, went about my work day and drove home… I remember none of it. I remember my husband waking me up and panicking thinking I missed work, then remember being at the hospital being told they were taking me to get a cat scan & thinking “that sounds dramatic for an ear infection”… then nothing again until I woke up in the ICU. I was hospitalized for over a week & while I still have snapshot like memories, I didn’t regain any other memories from that day.

[@pembrokelove]

My wife has cPTSD and a dissociative disorder of some sort (there’s disagreement between specialists), and my biggest fear for her is that she disappears like this and we never find her. It used to be that shr’d go missing and her mother would just “wait it out” a few days or weeks. I

[@shimmer8289]

I have that as well one thing I've noticed it gets easier with age.

[@wrmlm37]

How awful for her, and lucky she has an understanding partner:) Many partners, lacking empathy perhaps, would have left...

[@mustangnawt1]

Do this ASAP…get an Apple Airtag. U will never loose her if she has it. Give access to the people she talks with most as it can take some time to realize someone is missing. Love ur wife, help her have the healthiest brain as u can. Our brain is basically who we are, it’s everything

[@pembrokelove]

@@mustangnawt1 I’m so pleased that Apple’s released these! Prior to that, we were working with a literal dog tag like our Great Pyrenees wears. It has a GPS monitor on it that I could follow to her and fit easily into her necklace.

[@pembrokelove]

@@SpecialBlanket She has been thoroughly tested and the cause of the dissociation is likely at least related to her PMDD diagnoses. She goes into manias around ovulation where she’ll go 6, 10, 13 days without sleep. She wants to sleep. It’s not fun for her, but her body simply will not sleep. Eventually her conscious mind switches off and she’s no longer there. She’s a longterm survivor of factitious disorder imposed on another, a severe enough case that it triggered toxic epidermal necrolysis which she barely survived a decade ago. Her doctors now argue about whether the dissociation is caused by DID or if it’s an underlying physical pathology left behind by the factitious disorder by proxy or in response to the PMDD mania.

[@falmiekeddy8270]

I REALLY HOPE YOU SEE THIS!!! I just found your channel a few days ago. I’ve been going through your videos and, this one interests me on a deeper level than the previous videos I’ve viewed. Once, when I was around 12, I woke up and had no idea who I was or where I was. I had a space heater in my room. I saw this and it looked warm and inviting. I crawled to it and l sat there for a few minutes with my nightgown stretched over my knees. My eyes must have looked like saucers. I was BLANK. Not even confused, really. Just... blank. At 6:45, my mother entered my room to wake me for school. I reacted the way an animal would. I jumped and backed away as quickly as I could. I stared straight into her eyes. I recognized the look on her face and it registered to me as fear, confusion, and surprise.Then she spoke, “Amy, what’s wrong?” I drew a few quick, shallow breaths and then scrambled away screaming in terror. It was so abrupt. My poor mother nearly toppled over. (And she’s like G.I. Jane... tough and not easily rattled). And somehow, in the midst of my screaming, I remembered who I was and where I was. This only lasted for a few minutes. Possibly 30 minutes. Anyway, is that somewhat similar or, is that something completely different?

[@countryhippiechick4466]

Yay! Another Sunday watching/listening to Dr. Grande's content! I'm going to put working on my weekly lesson plans on hold for a moment and actually "watch" this one. Sundays + Coffee + Dr. Grande = A great, relaxing day! ❤️🥰✌️

[@physics4290]

I believe dextromethorphan can cause these symptoms in people who can't metabolize it. About 10% of the population can't break it down. Both the prodrug and the first metabolite are biologically active. It is a dissociative at high concentration, and it is the most abused drug among teenagers. A lot of teachers use it in OTC meds to control coughing in front of class. In the New Yorker article, it mentions that Hannah's mom had a single dissociative episode in response to an unnamed medication. "She said that, one day, shortly before she filed for divorce, she, too, had entered a kind of dissociative state, in part, she believes, in response to a medication that she had just started taking. " This is a dangerous OTC med for those who live alone, especially if they are taking other rx meds.

[@Mutantcy1992]

Awesome hypothesis. A similar possibility is that she had been preloading dextromethorphan polistirex (Delsym), which lasts quite a bit longer than the standard HBr version (Robitussin, Mucinex, DayQuil, others) and had dissociative anxiety due to the year starting, and the combination just sent her. I've had the experience of too much polistirex and realizing I was becoming dissociated while at work.

[@richardvinsen2385]

I can’t take any medicine that contains that stuff. My heart races while at the same time I feel like I’m in a total daze.

[@BobBob-pr4eh]

Better theory than some of the typical ‘duh strict dad’ ‘theories’ here

[@lotusflowerinbloom]

Very interesting and would explain why someone might suddenly act strangely. People don’t often consider an OTC could have extreme effects and cause or add to mental issues.

[@apptouchtechnologies3722]

Interesting

[@lovetoadventure2954]

I can relate to her and see why these journeys took place before the start of the school/work year. That beginning of the school year (and even every day) stress the school year can bring sometimes.

[@HkFinn83]

Did you build a new life in fugue state or was a more temporary thing?

[@TheAllianceEnt]

I taught high school math during grad school, I can relate with the feeling of wanting to vanish at the beginning of the school year.

[@evelynwaugh4053]

Most of the working world has that familiar dread every Sunday.

[@angelart73]

I love your videos Dr. Grande but I feel like you got this one wrong. I am a licensed clinical social worker and specialize in trauma and ptsd. I have learned so much about dissociation and dissociative disorders over the last 4 years from the top trauma specialists in the world, including well known Psychiatrists and other MD’s, Psychologists, and mental health clinicians. Dissociative disorders are not uncommon with trauma or complex trauma and it’s also not uncommon for someone who has experienced trauma to not remember that they have. However, after doing a thorough history and screening for dissociation with methods such as the MID, it is now easier to diagnose dissociative disorders. The International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation has alot of research and articles to educate clinicians.

[@mustangnawt1]

If he reads his comments I bet he will delve in to this. And he most def should. And Thank u for caring about others for a living🌸

[@nutellabrot9047]

GREAT - just prepared dinner (Germany) - now I can watch while "dining". THANK YOU for another great video 😊

[@MTHighlife03]

Yay! We are in the same time zone!

[@apptouchtechnologies3722]

What’s for dinner

[@nutellabrot9047]

@@apptouchtechnologies3722 Just ordinary Cabbage stew with meat, carrots, potatoes and onions 😀

[@mabella3437]

You are brilliant and so humble about it. I appreciate you being a humble genius. Praise God! Thank you Doc and have a good day.

[@kingcosworth2643]

I had a seizure once while driving and ran into the back of a car. When I woke up there was a nurse talking to me through the car window (she happened to be in a car at the intersection). The nurse asked me my name and I didn't know it, for the life of me I could not remember my own name. She asked my birthdate and address, couldn't remember those either. It wasn't like any of the answers were on the tip of my tonne either, I just truly did not know. This time in my life was a really awful period and the only time I was ever truly scared was when I could not remember my own name. I could easily follow instruction and was having what I'm positive was a fluent conversation. This amnesia lasted about 45min. It wasn't until I got to hospital that I started to remember my name. When the memories came back it was fairly quick.

[@annalisegiovanni7032]

Hello Dr. Grande❣️ What a perfect way to spend my birthday morning!! My cup of coffee in one hand & your video in the other!!

[@NickvonZ]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 👑

[@samjam2376]

Happy birthday 🎂

[@vikingsilverspikes5286]

Someone is very easily impressed Way to not make it all about getting birthday wishes, that's what Facebook is for, sugar

[@vikingsilverspikes5286]

How old you turning, 12? As someone who gets constantly bullied both online and off, I'm bitter and done being nice I get hate on my nice comments, I get hate on my mean ones. I get called names. Well , I'm here to spread that negativity back onto to you sheep

[@JustJ-Me]

@@vikingsilverspikes5286 I was actually going to ask why you seem so bitter in your comments- then I read your follow- up. I'm curious to know what an example of your "nice" comments are. Please don't misinterpret my tone- I realize it may come across harsh, but it's not coming from a negative place. No one should be bullying others, especially here. I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience. Hey, even your "bitter" posts are better than the person spamming using a WhatsApp # and Grande's picture. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@visassess8607]

This is so sad. I thought she'd disappear during the first incident and people assumed she had this affliction but this happened multiple times.

[@farnazrostami5302]

Thank you Dr. Grande. Very fascinating case and analysis💯. For me, theory #4 makes more sense. I guess she suffered severe depression and that dissociative reaction was the way she was handling the pain and agony. Very sad ending for a young life 💔. Thanks again doctor 🌻.

[@emilyhollis4231]

OK, my road trip can wait a few minutes...I gotta get this Dr Grande video in!

[@Mutantcy1992]

Good thing your trip waited, that would have qualified you for dissociative fugue and not just dissociative amnesia!

[@emilyhollis4231]

@@Mutantcy1992 I was thinking what a coincidence I was traveling today (only about 2 hours, but still). Let's hope I don't go into a fugue state...although any state is better than Alabama lol!!

[@Mutantcy1992]

@@emilyhollis4231 haha you got jokes!

[@renee1961]

How terribly Frightening, for Hannah, and her Family! How Sad she disappeared!💔💔💔🙏🙏🙏

[@stephaniekanoun4409]

Wow, Dr. Grande! Can you guys talk about this on Alien Lizard Humanoids? Maybe this case and compare it with one other similar case? I'm ready to hear 2+ hours on this topic! ❤️

[@DrGrande]

We just recorded one on this topic last night - it will be released soon :)

[@kelliearnold8498]

I was so good.

[@KMWeir]

I had DID. Here are a few things I will say about it: Forgive my terrible grammar. 1. People forget or don’t think of it for what is -a horrible situation caused by horrible trauma. 2. It’s not like what you’ve seen in movies & most videos. It’s more boring & painful. Boring because people with the disorder usually have alters that you’d never recognize. This is because many alters were created to function in society (esp. work). 3. Those who truly have it are devastated when they are told. It’s embarrassing if you have some co-consciousness & becomes terrifying when you understand you are having bouts of amnesia. 4. If you truly have it, you don’t ‘show off’ your alters. Again, this is a painful situation & brought on by serious, early childhood trauma. If an alter is out among people they will be blending in. 5. Dissociation is on a spectrum. When I was diagnosed with DID, I was barely on that spectrum. Now I have DDNOS/ OSDD which is lower on the spectrum. This is because I have few bouts of amnesia & am co-conscious with the alters that remain. 6. The diagnosis of DID is real. I believe it is extremely rare. Most others with the diagnosis I have been around seemed as if they didn’t have DID. Some OSDD. Some BPD. Some perhaps were histrionic. I AM NO THERAPIST. This is my personal opinion.

[@WillPage]

Psychosis or bi-polar here IMO. The giveaway for me is the 'transcending clinicians understanding' and 'religious-like experience/spiritual journey'. I think no. 3 is also possible.

[@Mutantcy1992]

From the New Yorker article on this: "A detective asked Hannah’s mother, Barbara Bellus, to come to the Thirtieth Precinct, in Harlem, to view the Apple Store surveillance footage. Barbara watched a woman wearing a sports bra and running shorts, her brown hair pulled into a high ponytail, ascend the staircase in the store. A man stopped her and asked if she was the missing teacher in the news. Barbara said, “I could see her blow off what he was saying, and I knew instantly it was her-it was all her. She has this characteristic gesture. It’s, like, ‘Oh, no, no, don’t you worry. You know me, I’m fine.’ ” Another camera had captured Hannah using one of the store’s laptops to log in to her Gmail account. She looked at the screen for a second before walking away." I feel like I believed her until reading that.

[@lnc-to4ku]

What a sad and puzzling case - I never knew this sort of condition even existed. Your videos are so informative and incredibly interesting, Dr. Grande! And very much appreciate! ♡♡

[@tarasilver8591]

I love Dr.Grande not everyone can appreciate his choice of words or his monotone sense of humor in these situations...

[@SuperGuanine]

yes, dr grande is a witty guy. 😜😜😬🙉🙈🐱‍🐉🐱‍💻🐵🦒🐼

[@mattv18930]

Really sad to see Dr. Grande thought Upp was just pretending. How incredibly invalidating. As someone who has severe PTSD from years of severe trauma, I’ve personally experienced dissociative amnesia about my trauma (that resurfaced) whereas before it was like there was nothing there at all. I could think back and know conceptually that I once existed as a 7 year old, but had zero recollection of it. It was as if I didn’t even exist. And I’ve also gone into severe dissociation after having flashbacks that uproot my sense of self and time for sometimes weeks at a time. And it very much feels like I was just this shell of a person and completely unrecognizable once I’m out of it. Despite still being able to get up and take care of myself, go grocery shopping, go to work, communicate with people, act almost completely normal, ect. If you’ve never experienced dissociation to this degree, that doesn’t mean people who have must be faking it. I’m so disheartened to see this clinician fall back on the “she was faking it” conclusion. I had had a lot of respect for him before this video. But even I could see she probably had dissociative amnesia about the traumatic experience that kept being triggered and sending her into fugue states.

[@mustangnawt1]

Hopefully he reads these comments. Or lots of others on the other vids about Hannah. We’re having a Me too movement of a different kind. Was too busy reading the comments for other people like me, didn’t really notice that was his conclusion. He needs to reconsider. This woman was one of many. And she likely lost her life. It’s not funny, not @ all. He needs to realize that people this happens to have a severe amount of shame surrounding the event. Some of my friends do not know and will never know. No one wants to be crazy…unless they are trying to beat a murder charge and then that’s all they do. No murders here Doc! What gives? Do some more research. It took me 3 yrs to discover the name of what happened. Still appreciate and respect u though

[@lowri.]

I feel like a lot of people’s first learning of what a fugue state is is from Breaking Bad hehe

[@linusfotograf]

Mine was from Lost Highway

[@davealaya]

BEST SHOW EVER

[@beejavaid4512]

Yes

[@kdizzle901]

@@davealaya third best show ever behind only The Wire and The Sopranos

[@samjam2376]

The very best show was Gilligan's Island

[@christineparrish5121]

I dissociated multiple times for maybe 2years after being stabbed multiple times... I would hallucinate or have amnesia...sometimes it was scary hallucinations, but usually I would just taalk and move differently and my eyes looked blank...My Dr.'s said it was caused by trauma. It's terrifying having mising time and also having PTSD and being told an hour had passed or 4hrs where I "was, but wasn't there". This can be very dangerous.

[@TreeCraftbyAndrew]

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Thanks for your work.

[@user-cs1un6sp1wRennata]

I've never heard of this type of disorder and I do appreciate your analysis, Dr. Grande... I also have the impression that she chose to behave in that way on purpose...Anyway there's no happy endings and that is very sad 😔 Thank You 🍬

[@mustangnawt1]

Respectfully ask that u reconsider. There are so very many people this has happened to to different degrees out there. Have recently discovered they will talk to each other freely about it, but they do not with others. How would it serve her in anyway whatsoever? It doesn’t, it didn’t. She is most likely not with us anymore. Think about it this way. If it happened to you…would u want a bunch of people to know? No. No one wants to be “crazy” It hurts your relationships, your occupation, shoot your health insurance cost. She wasn’t a drugged out kid. She was a teacher. A responsible adult in all the ways one can be. No one wants this. No one. It is a living breathing nightmare to not trust your brain. Take care of yours as much as u can. Lots of info out there on how u can do that. Thanks for listening

[@user-cs1un6sp1wRennata]

@@mustangnawt1 Anything is possible I guess.."Life is a mystery" and unfortunately We can never know for sure what is going on in someone's head ...

[@e_b_]

"It's like they're thinking to themselves....I really just wish I could sell candy." - Dr. Grande-isms 😂😂😂😂😂

[@SanamJanamian]

I am listening so seriously and deeply engaged. He says, “ it’s like they’re thinking to themselves… I’m waiting for a sophisticated insight then there comes 😂 Grande-ism

[@jenzen9041]

I'm a pastor and candy selling sounds sweet to me.

[@S-CCCC]

@@jenzen9041 eyo

[@bettygreenhansen]

Lol. Who says fugue doesn’t exist? My main diagnosis is Bipolar Disorder. I experienced a dissociative fugue once in Canada at Niagara Falls. I feel very blessed to be alive after learning about cases like Hannah Upp. It seems some unlucky people go missing and die during these episodes, which happens because of fugue more than I think we realize.

[@slideoff666]

"...like they're thinking to themselves, 'I really do wish I could just sell candy.'" -Dr. Grande That one killed me! I love your deadpan delivery of really funny observations- masterful. Also, I love your channel. I've got a BA in psych and I love coming here to learn from you.

[@ReddyReader]

I sooo appreciate the humorous parenthetical comments supporting his views.

[@michelemurphy3541]

My mom has this *(after 50+ years of psychiatric intervention, she still has not gotten appropriate course of treatment and I have managed to patch stories together from last 4+ years to try to address this)-she has had many years of this and has said she forgets where she is when she is driving-used to get lost/lost time increments. Another issue she has is, this will happen *much more than she has said I suspect, and she will make up stories to fill in those time gaps-which, sadly, due to her personality disorder, has been horrible for the people she decides to target when building her story of what happened. Thank you for the video on this. I appreciate it. As my mother’s sort of psychological medical detective, I have found information on many psychiatric issues to be very lean until recent years with these amazing videos by you and many others who share information that frankly, can be life changing, Thank you.

[@theschnauz2138]

I had a very disturbing incident during a time of enormous stress. I was driving home through an area I always commuted through. Suddenly I realised that I had no idea where I was. I couldn’t remember the name of the street I was on or where I was going. Instead of panicking I just kept driving, hoping it would finally click and I’d remember where I was. It lasted for a few minutes and then I did remember. It was terrifying. I told my doctor who said it was due to stress. Mostly I was afraid that it was early onset alzheimers or dementia. It’s been 5 years and I haven’t had a recurrence. Poor Hannah!

[@tm13tube]

A year ago KZbin gifted me a video about “dissociative amnesia.” I had looked up dissociation/dissociative in the past but not recently. For thirty years I had been trying to find a diagnosis for this thing I never talked about but I knew made me odd. Dissociative Amnesia. I was ecstatic for a couple days and after a year I am satisfied it is accurate. An example: Early May. I’m standing in the living room. It is dawning on me my husband had lied to me about something significant. He had sent our children and I to the wrong building to watch his class graduation. His parents went to the right place. I started to go blind like open horse blinders closing. Everything was black and silent. On August 12 my husband said my parents were coming to babysit, his was taking me on a day trip for my birthday. This sentence started my coming back from whatever silent, black space I’d been since early May. The day of the trip I felt disoriented. Odd. Only back in a narrow opening of narrow awareness. Awareness increased over a week or more. I would like to know what someone who saw me during those absent months observed. How would they describe me. I had four children I took care of, two with birthdays, nursing a six to 9 month old. I apparently seemed okay or someone would have done something. Although, I could have been the worst mother ever and others did say something and I don’t remember. I don’t actually have fugue although I can be in a dissociative state and drive a hundred miles home with no memory of anything since the night before. I diagnose it as amnesia. I can’t imagine just leaving your memories behind and having to figure out how you got where you are. And to not feel safe from yourself. I think I have dissociative amnesia.

[@harpothehealer]

Fantastic channel. I often see criticism thrown at psychologists usually from what I see on the tube from younger graduate types. They have qualifications but that's it. Throughout my life I've taught /coached modern jazz multi instrumentalist. Many have music degrees but can't play, ( improvise and all of that ) the point is it's experience that is crucial. It's not age, simply experience. It seems a lot of young kids make judgements in your field without having been in practice for years. It's possible seems to me that the youth coming through nowadays don't value experience, and some may never learn. Yes everything is subjective of course it is, however they seem hell bent on hypocritical behaviour in the quest of thinking that they are somehow right. I believe it to be a trend. I'm getting old now but even in my teenage rebellious years I understood there was no substitute for experience.

[@NextToToddliness]

This should have never happened a third time. Life is a one-way street and we have to do what we can to keep the ones we love alive & happy. I was raised to say things or step up before it's too late; regret is a persistent monster.

[@mustangnawt1]

Can I share with u? This happened to me 2 times in 2018. Even though my loved ones check on me, have learned that for an independent working adult, it is impossible to keep track of them 24/7. Just recently discovered Apple Air Tag and I know that may be so important for me one day. But she’s been missing for years this time. Her loving Mom looks for her constantly. Got to walk a mile in other’s shoes to fully understand sometimes:)

[@muellerphyllis]

I like the added gingham to your wardrobe Dr. Grande:)

[@acovenofmany333]

His Autumn look! 🍂 👀

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

Fascinating case and excellent analysis. Your explanation as to why you ranked the different possibilities the way you did, makes a lot sense. And yes Dr. Grande, you analysis was as intriguing as visiting a candy store.🍬🍭 Love the video, thank you!❤️

[@cottontails9003]

Rejane;Thank you. That food worked well.

[@cottontails9003]

Rejane,can I have some candy too?💙🍭

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

@@cottontails9003 Oh I am glad Julianne, I hope very soon you can be completely over it so you can fully enjoy your pregnancy.💕😌💕

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

@@cottontails9003 Of course!😂👍🏼🍬🍭🍬🍭

[@wrmlm37]

One of my favorite types of Grande presentations. Cant wait to hear this one. I'd heard of her before.

[@marshdweller01]

I agree with theory #3. Denying that she was the missing teacher implied that she was someone else, i.e. she had an identity. Yet she said she did not have an alternate identity when in that state.

[@apptouchtechnologies3722]

DOC G!!!!! :) Had Bells Palsy when I was 20. This story resonates w me as the onset for me was preceded w extreme stress for a prolonged time. I wonder if the stressors that predicated her onset’s were extreme in nature. I could see how some people could experience a “dissociation” during these times. Regardless it’s a scary and lonely, isolating feeling.

[@vikramgupta2326]

Dr. G answered every question that came up in my mind as I was listening. Great analysis.

[@zenawarrior7442]

Never heard of her or fugue. Thanks for another informative analysis Dr G😊💕💕

[@mygoogleaccount2354]

I was in a dissociative state for almost a year straight bc of a medication I was on. I only remember a few weeks from that calendar year

[@talkbrian1522]

Love that you througly explain various theories.....so articulate

[@elainearchibald9020]

Wow, that's a complicated and very unusual case! Thanks for your analysis Dr. Grande! Strange behavior and very difficult to figure out.

[@BeckBeckGo]

This is interesting. I lost my memory once for a day. Apparently, according to things around my home, I had spent the day normally. I made meals and did laundry. Nothing out of the ordinary. But the entire day was wiped from my memory. I didn’t go to a doctor and just waited for it to repeat before deciding to. It never did. The people I’ve told, mostly strangers, I’ve always said it was a “fugue” but clearly this is not at all what it was. If I had any epic adventures that day, I finished them in time to get home and make dinner.

[@Mutantcy1992]

@@SpecialBlanket if she knew it happened once, why wouldn't she be able to identify it happening again? Have you ever had too much to drink and lost the last few hours of the night? It's pretty obvious when you lose time. Losing a whole day would be hard to miss.

[@richardvinsen2385]

@@Mutantcy1992 maybe she lost an entire night when she normally was sleeping.

[@careya]

An ancestor of mine wandered off the family farm and was found years later with another family. He was multiple states away. The story is that he forgot who he was and just walked away.

[@johnnianne1177]

I have epilepsy, schizoaffective disorder, and major neurocognitive disorder. Sometimes I space out and wander…don’t understand what’s going on…have psychosis. My biggest fear is it will happen in public without family around and I won’t remember things or won’t be able to tell someone what’s going on. I wear a bracelet in case it happens and someone finds me. It has my disorders and emergency numbers and my name.

[@marie5701]

Famous, prolific author Agatha Christie suffered from a dissociative fugue. She denied she was THE Agatha Christie when questioned and seemed to “snap back” only when “confronted” by her brother.... definitely a most curious mental state/condition. Complex/nuanced, even unique variables inhabit each individual’s story with denial or amnesia a mysterious /difficult aspect of the occurrence(s). Elusive characters, too.

[@antonydrossos5719]

I find it interesting that Dr. Grande will openly inform us that Psychologists disagree whether Dissociation is a thing or not, but we have no idea of where HE stands on this.

[@Shadoweavr]

Totally agree, although I got the distinct feeling he agrees that dissociative disorders aren't real and just didn't want to say it. Frustrating because that way we never get to hear his reasons

[@mrparlanejxtra]

A case where nobody killed another. This person clearly had something weird. going on.

[@damnmuggle]

@@polarbearsrus6980 highly unlikely she was murdered

[@randoman750]

Loving the videos Dr Grande! I think you should do a video on Dr Drew, I liked your analysis on his part of the frenemies drama and I think it would make a good video.

[@beatrixsullivan7086]

Thanks, Doc G. Your ability to explain human behavior in a way that makes sense is helping me feel safer in this crazy world...full of crazy people doing crazy things. Is it okay to say crazy these days? Substitute "mentally ill" wherever appropriate. Either way, I am sorry for all the suffering.

[@joeangell5652]

“I really wish I could just sell candy”. I hope you don’t mind me using that at work today. There will be many opportunities. Another great video Dr Grande. Thank you!

[@lucyjanecruz]

If she were in a fugue state, or in some other way lost her memory, how was she able to check her email on a public computer? She must have remembered her email address and the password.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

She could have had her login in muscle memory. But WHY would she check it? If the fugue were real, it could only be to find out who she is and get help. But then she would not respond to the man who recognized her as she did.

[@YanoPratt]

As someone with a music degree, hearing “fugue” described as bewildered wandering is kind of funny, though JS Bach might disagree. I know I often wanted to wander off during fugue form study in music theory class

[@glamazini]

I'm from St. Thomas, VI. born & raised and lived through hurricanes. Her behavior pre-hurricanes, even with a healthy mind, would have a high probability of death. This is a sad sad story.

[@USALibertarian]

I suspect things like unexplained encephalitis that spontaneously resolve are more common than we assume and misdiagnosed. Mild cases can be confused with other forms of mental illness.

[@DIDHatchery]

When will doctors get their heads out of their butts & understand that DID & other dissociative disorders not only exist, but make perfect sense in terms if human development? Do you know how frustrating it is to know for a fact DID is real, yet doctors continue to fumble around ignorantly in denial? It’s truly absurd & endlessly frustrating. Good video.

[@iowagirl19631]

The trigger of a new school year and being drawn to water sounds like there is some repressed memory that was traumatic for her and she kept repeating it for some reason. How tragic.

[@lauriejordan2716]

OMG, my family is literally dealing with the aftermath of THE SAME EXACT THING. My aunt would randomly go missing every couple years. We obviously contacted police, plastered her picture on social media, and even hung signs several times over the last 20-30 years. Almost every time she was found in/by water, with no memory of any of it. The hardest part to us was she was scared to death of water and did not know how to swim. For the life of us, we could not figure out why she kept going to water. She claimed she had no memory of going, let alone why. Well 2 months ago she went missing again. At 5:14am the following day, East Detectives notified my Uncle that her soul returned to our Lord, and her earthy body was found in the Delaware River. Her handbag, shoes, and phone, were found set nicely on the rocks. It does not appear to be foul play of any kind. We just cannot understand her draw to the water, as if she would forget she didn’t know how to swim and was deathly afraid of water. Sorry for rambling, this is just the first time I’ve heard anything like this.

[@jannacoyote4246]

I still think attempted suicide is the most likely reason for her behaviors. I think she started off, the first two times, thinking she would go through with it. But, once she left her cell phone & purse, wallet & IDs behind, she started to waffle on it. She couldn't make up her mind, for awhile, if she really wanted to try & go through with it or not. So, she felt she needed the extra time alone to think about it. She denied being who she was because she didn't want to risk letting anyone else interfere with her decision. It's the same reason she didn't want to admit to it being any kind of mental disorder, and referred to it as a "spiritual journey" instead. Plus, she probably sensed that if she ever admitted to having any kind of mental disorder & went into treatment for it, she might be "found out" at work, and that her employers & coworkers might see her as "mentally unstable". She was probably afraid that it might ruin her career, and if she ended up deciding that she really wanted to live then a ruined career would just ruin everything. She might also have actually viewed it as a spiritual journey in that she might've been wandering around aimlessly, except for eventually being drawn to water, in an effort to "let Spirit/God decide" for her whether she would die on this trip, or not. I'm also thinking that she felt that if she was going to die, she wanted to die in the water. I do also think there was something about starting a new teaching job, at a new school, that overstressed her somehow, to the point where she suddenly thought she might prefer to die. It does seem to me that she might very well have been suicidal, but very indecisive about it except for knowing that she wanted to die in the water, if she was to die. Anyway, that's just my theory. I've been through a few despondent, suicidal phases in my life & I could easily see how another woman might've been thinking like that. She might have been thinking that way, and just didn't ever want to tell anyone about it, for fear that someone might try to interfere the next time she thought she might want to try. Maybe. Maybe not. 🤷🏻‍♀️💜🤷🏻‍♂️

[@jgarden3925]

Thank you for your explanation. That makes sense. I also went through similar stuff. Just know that you aren't alone and we can go through it, even though it isn't easy... I didn't want to live. But a year later, I see how I would have lost the best moments in my life if I had chosen so. We never really know the future... and that is the exciting (and hopeful) part. Things do get better (even though they got worse for me for years before going better).

[@fairygal8223]

I agree with you said. However, I believe that she had an in- diagnosed mood disorder. She had not slept, her behavior was up and down and unlike her usual self. Hen you are manic, your energy is super high. You can swiim for miles, talk incessantly, etc. And then, bam! You could become utterly in despair-suicidal,even. Suicide often exists with mixed states- both. Mania and depression at the same time. No matter what, she was experiencing an altered state.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

This is a very good hypothesis. I would add that it's also possible that her urge might have been to run away, rather than to d1e. Because of her family background, she could not admit that she wanted a different life.

[@Mouse_007]

"Whenever a person does something, most of the time, it's because they intended to do it." - Dr. Grande This is one of those simple things that if truly believed and understood, would save us a lifetime of bad choices.

[@Shadoweavr]

People can intend things without being consciously aware that they intend them. The brain is much bigger than the self-aware part.

[@Mouse_007]

@@Shadoweavr but anyone can learn to be aware of those subtle internal influences if they want to. That was my point in repeating this quote, to remind people to stop and pay attention. Of coarse first of all you must be aware of, or at least be open to the idea of internal biases and desires and second be willing to learn ways to recognize them. Also, you are not describing the brain you are describing the mind. They are two very different things. The brain is the physical organ and the mind is that which includes thought processes.

[@floraposteschild4184]

Leaning towards your assessment, Dr. Todd. Hannah seems to be on the run from other issues in her life, which translated to physically running away from it. One idea: if you disappear from your teaching job three times, it's time to go into another line of work. I hope she wasn't working with children.

[@pamelastevens1609]

She obviously was working with children - it's pretty clear in the story, and it definitely wasn't college or something like that. She didn't appear to have a history of violence. I think the worst thing for any children is that she might not return to class for long periods of time and they'd have a substitute. Many scarier things in the world than that.

[@jhoughjr1]

would be scary symptoms to have. "How did I get here?!?!"

[@kelliearnold8498]

The other day I watched you Alien lizard podcast on this. It was awesome. This video was very informative. Almost one million subscribers. I’m so excited to see your video. Well done Dr.Grande!

[@randallbrander8157]

I have a brother in law that has this. He was missing for quite a while.

[@daylightsystemrelit1051]

Hi there! We are a DID system and I would like to inform you that no therapist planted the idea in our head at any time. We actually sought out professional help once we realized we were a system. We've been hospitalized several times due to it. It is no fun. We do not openly "show off" our disorder either, and we think it's strange when others do. We just wanted you to know that it is real. We do exist.

[@mustangnawt1]

Amen

[@golfgirl4211]

Please keep up the dry humor. It's perfect. You don't need more than what you are providing. I don't think it undermines the severity of the cases you present; it actually makes them more believable.

[@battlecat4791]

Fascinating and informative video. Love the way you explained the various possibilities. I have 40 years experience working in the field of mental health (working with a wide variety of MH problems in an inpatient setting) and I found your style of analysis and explanation very useful.

[@mustangnawt1]

Can u share with us if u have ever ran across someone this has happened to?