As a kid, for many years I believed that the proper way to have a conversation was to listen to other people talk about their topics of interest, make a comment, then take my turn to talk about my preferred topics. My conversation topics were never anything people wanted to talk about, and they thought I was rude for "changing the subject". From my observations, people changed the conversation topic ALL the time, so I didn't understand I was doing anything wrong. Around 8th grade I fully realized that I was the problem, especially after a kid said loudly in a group "shut up!! no one cares what you have to say" (and the group didn't disagree). I wasn't going to keep participating in everyone else's conversations without any equal reciprocation. So, I stopped talking to nearly everyone.
@embracin97952 жыл бұрын
Im sorry you had to resort to not talking to anyone, I do that too and have done that. I just brush it off and think of it as a blessing because your giving yourself a chance for someone else to talk to that will understand you
@katheriney83182 жыл бұрын
Sounds so familiar!
@IceCreamSplat2 жыл бұрын
I never know what else to reply unless I relate to what they're saying, so after hearing "it's so annoying when people only talk about themselves" enough times I was asking myself "then what are you SUPPOSED to reply to another person then" turns out that you're supposed to ask them questions about the thing?? That would've never occurred to me unless I'd asked my mom about it erkjgnejk I just assumed that people talked about what they wanted and then I replied with something I wanted to talk about
@sandrag.78612 жыл бұрын
This is the saddest I've read today. My son is now 22 years old and has no friends except the ones he briefly makes while playing PC games. When he was a little boy he tried so hard to make contact and interact with others but was constantly rejected. Luckily he is very close with his own brother and I wonder if their relationship is so good partly because one is autistic and the other adhd. I have a tendency to gravitate towards ND's and they to me. My point is, find your own people darling. We are all out there, and we are not as few as it seems. Don't let mean people force you into unwanted loneliness.
@torrie9562 жыл бұрын
That happened to me nearly 60 years ago and it STILL rings in my ears.
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
I just burst out laughing in the middle of this. My mother was told I had hearing loss and took me in to be tested. The doctor said, “He can hear, he’s just not listening.”
@Silllywalks8 ай бұрын
I often laugh when listening to podcasts on autism. Laughing at myself not grasping the basics in many situations... and then what's funny to me is that I recognize my good intentions, but they are perhaps completely at odds with my environment... so nobody would know what my "good intentions" are... comedy in the making.
@karlab952 жыл бұрын
THIS. THIS. Honestly I've felt this my whole life! I always tell people that it's like everyone else got a book with the rules and mine just got lost in the mail. It's really nice to see someone put this into words.
@rabidguineapig2 жыл бұрын
One thing I've noticed about autistic people is our ability to come up with analogies and metaphors just like this one. Unfortunately it seems like most people aren't always able to think as abstractly as us so trying to explain things in metaphors doesn't always work or at least not in the way we'd hoped. I told my mom I often feel like I'm sort of on the inside looking out, sort of the opposite of on the outside looking in. I'm sort of in my own contained world where things make sense looking out into the ridiculous mess that is human nature.
@breadfan_859 ай бұрын
Lol I've said almost this exact same thing, but I referred to it as an "instruction manual." I've also said that everyone else took a training class and I wasn't invited to attend.
@ianc83752 жыл бұрын
“The Aspie Anthropologist” I know exactly what you’re talking about. That’s been me since I was a kid but I didn’t know it was a common thing with Asperger’s. I’m 41 now and I still do it. Sometimes I reveal my thinking to others accidentally. It turns out they don’t like being analyzed that way, but they don’t realize that it’s our only choice.
@australiannie8222 жыл бұрын
I very much relate to this, it's a big part of why I try to stay quiet in group situations especially 😂
@aumgillett84752 жыл бұрын
This is also me. I've had people yell at me for overanalyzing everything. And I recently had a friend tell me that "Not everyone wants to process all the time"
@australiannie8222 жыл бұрын
@@aumgillett8475 We don't want to process all the time, either 😂 It must be nice for your friend that they have the option, lol.
@aumgillett84752 жыл бұрын
@@australiannie822 I often process things verbally, & I kept asking him questions & was kind of accidentally making him work. He was tired. He usually is actually really helpful. He was trying to tell me he needed quiet. & it actually helped me understand what I was doing. I'm not diagnosed, but I've recently found this, & a couple other autistic people diagnosed as adults who have KZbin channels, & I finally found my people. But no, it's not really a choice -lol
@richardblackmore9351 Жыл бұрын
Really, I have always found that people appreciate it when you point out what they are thinking.
@mordaciousfilms2 жыл бұрын
I'm a 30 year old and I still feel like I'm a character from a different movie placed in the wrong film, and have felt that way since childhood. Never knew why - always seemed like people got upset with me out of nowhere, expected me to change and figure it out, but I never could. Sometimes, as an adult, I'll get scolded or criticized in certain public situations bc I didn't follow some unspoken rule, and I wonder "how would I have known that"? I had an abusive roommate who used to infantilize me and insult me by saying "most adults know how to do these things, how come you don't?" and that made me feel really stupid. For all the areas of excellence I may possess, it can feel really embarrassing and disorienting to feel like there's all this information that eluded you somehow, regarding arbitrary social rules...
@TheSimArchitect2 жыл бұрын
I always hated that "figure it out" part, which is something that even (lazy?) teachers love to do. We should never assume anything is obvious and if you need something done the instructions should be more clear. On the other hand, I don't know why, neurotypicals seem to have a harder time following pretty easy to follow "IKEA Style" instructions. It's almost as if we used entirely different languages. They keep repeating those dumb basic math problems at school that you can grasp instantly instead of training us how to behave socially, get a job, keep a job, make friends, avoid being bored during social interactions without pushing your own interests and becoming the boring/rejected one and so many other things that are infinitely harder. I don't even know if there are schools that include those things (at least for "special needs" people like many of us). Even simple things like contacting customer service make me behave like a Karen in the end because I am very specific with my demands by showing the problem, my reasoning and the desired solution, but they only solve the problem on a satisfactory manner (even if it matches their official rules) after I nag a lot while pushing alternatives that are more convenient to themselves. It's like neurotypicals are VERY stupid people when not interested (customer service, delivery people etc) but become REALLY smart whenever they are benefiting from the interaction (sales people, collectors, social workers etc), as if they can just wear multiple personalities instead of being consistent.
@alejandrogangotena90332 жыл бұрын
@@TheSimArchitect yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah thats pretty weird. Like when you are as concrete and literal possible, they get lost and sometimes even angry that you literally meant what you said literally while saying you literally meant it. Sometimes even when you make eye contact and emphasize words, is like they go "but no one is like that! how was I supposed to know YOU are?" and me be like "I literally told you o.o"
@alejandrogangotena90332 жыл бұрын
That roomate sounds like an a&$
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
The suddenness which with people can turn on you when you break a “rule” still startles and upsets me.
@TheSimArchitect2 жыл бұрын
@@michaelbailey3666 So true! Neurotypicals get REALLY angry many times without any apparent reason (at least that we can see) and they can even become your enemy just because you state facts in a way they disagree (hence why cancel culture is popular). And all that in spite of the fact we're the ones known for throwing tantrums or getting insanely upset/panic/have an anger explosion. We may be explosive sometimes but we don't become enemies with other people just because we like a different color or political party. Plus neurotypicals have a "pride thing" where even if what they do or have is crappy they defend it as being "by choice" or "the best" even though it clearly isn't the case. I may be poor and my car may be trashy. I am not going to say my car is the best just because it's mine. It's still trashy if compared with something better. Sorry, I wrote way too much already.
@lorenzmenke31212 жыл бұрын
I have been missing the memo my whole life at work, school, and family. I often would be asked why did I not ask questions about a situation. My answer was I did not have any questions.
@streettalk4thesoul2 жыл бұрын
YES! i guess the only question would be, "what did i miss?" 🤔
@VaronPlateando Жыл бұрын
why ask if there doesn't occur an ambiguity calling for mitigation.
@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy2 жыл бұрын
My favorite is when I didn't realize that someone was trying to insult me until about a year later, as I finally realize that they were being sarcastic. When I was in high-school there was a guy and his friend who would walk by me and would say the word "ugly", and that's all that the one guy said. I didn't think that I was ugly, so I gave them the most confused look and actually thought that something was wrong with them. For one thing, I could never tell someone that they were ugly, so I found that to be crazy behavior; and secondly, they gave up trying to insult me after the second or third time, and I think that they were just as confused as I was 😄😀
@theodorealenas31712 жыл бұрын
Sometimes I get the insult and I like the nice punch it has and I don't always manage to hide under the carpet my awe
@annieb79192 жыл бұрын
Confused as a termite on a wooden yo-yo.
@LegendoftheGalacticHero2 жыл бұрын
I have had the same situation and ended up feeling that our confused reaction is a great one. I’ve even learnt how to not try to extrapolate when I suspect they are insulting and just take it literally and push that on them. They rarely have anything interesting to say
@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy2 жыл бұрын
@@annieb7919 Awe ☺
@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy2 жыл бұрын
@@LegendoftheGalacticHero Yeah, I agree with everything that you just said there; very true!
@linden51652 жыл бұрын
Very, very relatable. I've actually quizzed neurotypical people on this quite a lot, trying to figure out how they know things. I think they possibly do get fill-in details through social networks and some from non-verbal communication. But a significant aspect seems to be they're less aware of what they don't know and more comfortable without specifics and details. To me it's like some people live in this cloud of happy uncertainty, going with the flow and making it up as they go along. That's not how I operate, at all! 😄
@blondequijote Жыл бұрын
They do that because NDs are the ones inventing shit. They'll copy our homework and even laugh at some of our jokes (and nonjokes) but keep being ignorant as they possibly can while we do the nerdy work.
@AngelWings144K Жыл бұрын
I TOTALLY relate!!!! I have very precise reasons for the things I choose to do or not do... these other "normal" people just don't think deeply.
@VaronPlateando Жыл бұрын
I'd guess that as aspies have to intelligibly rely so much on situations or behaviour affording to ascribe some sense to, to begin with or join at all, we do have high sensitivity to cognitive dissonance - that may become unbearable. NT.s would rely on silent latent criteria (mostly less than obviously rational) to factor into overall picture 'good enough' to muddle through | around.
@Ningnomaningnong2 жыл бұрын
Yup. Always felt like others around me were a step ahead of me. Then immense anxiety when the teacher would say, "Everyone understand? Great. Let's start." I'd always have to ask them afterwards and get scolded for "not listening properly."
@frolickinglions2 жыл бұрын
In my opinion, teachers have a lot to answer for!
@suecopening1514 Жыл бұрын
Normies don’t always understand either in those situations… but we know to pretend we do, lol. That’s half of “being social” right there… pretending you fit in even if you don’t feel that way. Believe me… normies can also feel “lost” in all kinds of social situations too. Maybe because of anxiety, shyness, a lack of confidence, etc. One thing I learned to do in social situations was to find someone standing alone and go up to them and say… “I always feel uncomfortable at events like this, do you mind if I stand here and pretend I know you?” Then I’d sort of fake laugh so they knew it was a joke. I never had anyone that was not nice when I did that and, about about half the time they would say they felt the same way then we would have that in common.
@Typanoid Жыл бұрын
@@suecopening1514 Am I allowed to tell you that I'm extremely impressed with your ressourcefulness and understanding of other people? Well done!
@DevonExplorer2 жыл бұрын
Yes! The times I turned to the next person in class to ask 'what are we supposed to do?' Even when I was at uni, I still had to ask someone what we're supposed to do, lol. When I was little we were set a time to read and I love reading, but the next thing I knew I was dragged out of my chair and shoved into the corner - minus a shoe, which I'd lost on the way - because the teacher had told us to put our books away ready for the next lesson and I didn't hear her because I was too engrossed in my book. I was mortified! As for hints, I didn't understand them as I didn't even know there was such a thing. It was only when I was an adult that it clicked; some friends were at my house for a cuppa and one said to another 'she doesn't understand hints, does she!', the other saying 'No, I've tried lots of times'. Even so, they still usually go right over my head, although I've recently realised what someone meant when they said a weird thing some 40 years ago! Ah, so that's why they said it!!! lol
@Pinti92 жыл бұрын
I had a teacher do the same thing to me but dragged me to the front row because I wasn't getting her instructions.
@DevonExplorer2 жыл бұрын
@@Pinti9 It's horrible, isn't it.
@sailaxmi73022 ай бұрын
Omg the what should I do thing is so real lol. I really need specific instructions to function or at least outline what I will be doing for me to do anything, and this really comes off badly as if you are unsure of things , especially in a leadership position
@DevonExplorer2 ай бұрын
@@sailaxmi7302 Yes, definitely. :)
@TheSimArchitect2 жыл бұрын
No matter where we are or how much effort we put in, we are always outsiders. Some of us may even mimic others more successfully, but internally we know very well we don't belong.
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
True
@LinkEX2 жыл бұрын
There is a difference that people will pick up on. But that's not necessarily a matter of "belonging". You can be outsider in one aspect, and still part of the group in others. Some might prefer not to have you around, even if they won't admit it. But applying that to every group as a whole is reductive. Calling yourself (and every other autist) an outsider as a whole "no matter [what]" is overly pessimistic towards both yourself and neurotypical people.
@esnevip Жыл бұрын
We don't, we are defective.
@TheSimArchitect Жыл бұрын
@@LinkEX I am 44 years old and I tried socializing really hard in 3 different continents and different environments. I personally never succeeded. It's true I can't talk for others, just estimate from what I see.
@richardblackmore9351 Жыл бұрын
Yeah, but quite often social cues are an effort to integrate us into the group, whether that is an actual group, a friendship, or a romantic couple.
@mstewie082 жыл бұрын
It makes sense to me now why I was able to mask so well. Having the support structure of fellow ND friends that were able to fill in the gaps. Even now as I'm going through my diagnostic process, my own family refuses to see the signs that were there. My core group of lifelong friends not only immediately recognized, but validated and supported. I'm lucky to have such people in my life.
@alejandrogangotena90332 жыл бұрын
what a blessing :)
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
I got criticism from even close friends that I was just trying to be cool with diagnosis. Family was hopeless.
@GFalconDX2 жыл бұрын
This. I have a lot of problems with social cues. I also have issues with not knowing when to speak so I would interrupt someone in a conversation quite a few times.
@soyunperderdor72462 жыл бұрын
I relate...its a minefield out there isn't it. I only interrupt because I think of something to say because if I didnt, I would lose track and be quiet.
@CubicApocalypse1282 жыл бұрын
All too often, my only choices are to either awkwardly interrupt at exactly the wrong time, or disappear in a cloud of smoke.
@breadfan_859 ай бұрын
Same. I'm always either missing my chance, or interrupting someone else. But one thing I've noticed is that NT people actually interrupt each other all the time. It seems that interrupting is exactly HOW you get your turn to speak. But even knowing that, I still can't figure it out because IDK which exact moment is appropriate for me to cut in. So even though everyone is technically interrupting each other, I'm the only one who's interruptions are actually recognized and treated as an interruption.
@dlollard2 жыл бұрын
I was thinking, wow, this is so relatable! Then I got distracted petting my cat and had to rewind.
@jonanderson44742 жыл бұрын
The sandlot. Them kids just put in a big ol dip.
@australiannie8222 жыл бұрын
Me, too 😂 My cat appreciates it, though 😺
@bethanythatsme2 жыл бұрын
That is very relatable 🐈🖤
@julesjackson48552 жыл бұрын
Hehehe
@gerardpower74242 жыл бұрын
I want a cat. Until then I want more kitty cafes or cat petting zoos.
@scrapbooksiren16082 жыл бұрын
My entire life I have felt that I am “viewing” people and their interactions and life in general- I have never fit in. I was fully convinced I was an alien until high school where I was part of the “brain” group with other people like me. I would get lost for hours doing my art projects as a way to re-center myself to deal with the outside world. For a career, I gravitated towards the A-typical type-- creative arts and ended up working in film/TV production. There are lots of people with my same story in this business, especially my position as a Script Supervisor. EVEN THEN I often feel like I’ve missed the memo and say or do the wrong thing and it brings with it the whole feeling of not belonging or feeling unwanted in a group that I’ve had all my life.
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
I never made the manual leap to being an alien. I just knew I was not human.
@wiegraf90092 жыл бұрын
@@michaelbailey3666 My acceptance of my ADHD/autism was figuring this out! I'm not really a person exactly, mostly just pretending to be one!
@soyunperderdor72462 жыл бұрын
I got my diagnosis yesterday and in the report was I missed the social cues that they gave me in the assessment. I can't even pin point where they tried haha. It's been a long journey, three years from going to the doctors. Thankyou for these videos Paul.
@mariawesley75832 жыл бұрын
Congratulations!
@soyunperderdor72462 жыл бұрын
@@mariawesley7583 thankyou.
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
Welcome to the outside! Or the inside within the outside.
@1st1anarkissed2 жыл бұрын
Copy them? They'll accuse me of mocking them! I couldn't possibly do it sincerely or authentically. Im always being told things like "just be yourself, be natural." Then they hate it. Or they tell me I need to try harder. Then tell me I'm trying too hard. Essentially, they're saying I must emulate someone else without it being fake. All I hear is "we don't like you, if your body has to be here, can you swap out for another person?" I would happily cease existing if I knew how.
@calliope6623 Жыл бұрын
I try to follow along with people I look like a stupid little duckling.
@ArgondtheGrey2 жыл бұрын
I can relate to the missing information bit. It seems I am always missing parts of the conversation especially if there are other conversations occurring within earshot. I remember as a young boy, constantly asking people to repeat themselves, so much so that my parents took me to get my hearing tested. I hear quite well as it turns out, but when asked to repeat random words without context I was completely unable to do so. The doctors concluded that I was messing around, and sent us on our way. This was quite distressing to my mother, so, I learned not to ask people to repeat themselves anymore and instead learned to read body language and facial expressions to fill in the missing bits. You might find it interesting to note that the two are shockingly different. I have found that people rarely say what they really mean, but rather what they think the others want to hear.
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
I wish I’d learned that! Also got my hearing tested.
@carollewis7252 жыл бұрын
Thank you for talking about this. I've experienced missing information all my life, and blamed myself for being an idiot for last 60 odd years.
@torrie9562 жыл бұрын
Same! And the hurt still simmers in the buried deep places of my being.
@lexguttman2 жыл бұрын
I always had an idea that everyone around me was different, but everyone been asked to act the same is why I feel like I've missed the memo. I expect unique reactions to learn but am always presented with the same set of interactions. To respond to what someone said in the chat on behalf of other Autists who may think the same. "The Planet is fine, society is just weird"
@pw510577w2 жыл бұрын
There is also deliberate withholding of information by nefarious, manipulative people.
@queengoblin2 жыл бұрын
Yes
@juanitaskerrett90272 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much Paul. Hearing your talk makes me feel like crying with relief. Now I don't have to feel so confused as to why I've been so confused all my life. I'm 71yo.
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
It is a relief to have a reason for all of this,
@parypearl3822 жыл бұрын
I always thought of it like everyone knew a secret, and for some reason I wasn't allowed to know it. I figured that when I grew up, I would eventually be in on the secret. I'm still.waiting.
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
I hear that you find out after you die.
@Tht1Gy2 жыл бұрын
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 58 yrs, but I clearly remember feeling like the Earth wasn't my home planet. I would share this idea with others sometimes when I was in my 20s. By the time I hit 28-29 I had stopped bcuz of the reactions I'd get; polite laughter, an odd look, and reduced interaction, to no interaction, from them, with that person. I also remember, in my mid-20s, asking ppl "I know that ppl think that I different or odd, but I don't know why they think that. Can you tell me why?" I got a few different answers, but the most common response was incredulity. "How can you not know?" Or, "You're joking, right?"
@jonaskoelker2 жыл бұрын
@@Tht1Gy youtube has an edit comment feature. You may want to use it 🙂
@Tht1Gy2 жыл бұрын
@@jonaskoelker I know where it is on my desktop and laptop, but I just got a smartphone and can't seem to find it. Can ya help a brother out? I'd be ever so thankful! :-)
@purpisfulnanogetic4251 Жыл бұрын
To me this was my kryptonite. If I lost a social cue I was not only lost but in danger. I was in danger of not knowing and in danger of being left behind and alone and abandoned to my own wits which were undeveloped. I could be left in a an apocalypse because of this, left to die. This, not knowing social cues, is the reason why I am scared to live.
@defrank18702 жыл бұрын
And this is why arguments start. Can't agree with people when you're missing information.
@anneliesewright662 Жыл бұрын
I don't have autism, but I have ADD (or ADHD, I don't know). I've experienced all these things all my life. It's so embarrassing when I go to a seminar. I miss a lot of little pieces of information, so I end up not knowing where to go or what to do next. I have to follow the crowd or ask a stranger. This has always made me feel stupid. I'm so thankful for your videos. They really helped me!
@bethanythatsme2 жыл бұрын
I appreciate this channel & the community surrounding it. It's so comforting to find encouragement in the comments 🖤
@wiegraf90092 жыл бұрын
I don't really engage much with work events because of all of this. It all feels like highschool all over again and I'll never understand how to participate effectively. I know this pretty much means I won't succeed in my career, but all I aspire to is survival in neurotypical society without being forced into poverty and suicide. For people like me, survival IS success. I learned that from my parents.
@marissa38962 жыл бұрын
Okay this makes me want to cry. I have struggled with this humiliation my entire life and I’ve never heard it from someone else before. Thank you.
@peterwynn21692 жыл бұрын
I have felt this way my whole life. I remember one day, in Year One, my teacher told me to sit down and I sat on the floor and she said, "In your place." I didn't compute that she meant, "Go back to your place and sit down." And, I remember one day, a teacher said, "Wipe that smile off your face," and I wiped me face, to the amusement of the class.
@amandachapman47082 жыл бұрын
Totally watch people to find out how to "fit in", then decide whether it makes sense or whether to do something else.
@cristinagonzalez65912 жыл бұрын
Si yo tengo siempre la impresión de no enterarme de cosas muy importantes. Me parecen bien las explicaciones que das. Saludos Paul.
@Claire-tk4do6 ай бұрын
Hey, I got your math metaphor! 😊 I'm in physics, I appreciated and enjoyed it :) Also it was hilarious seeing you go "no one's going to get this" and then "actually probably I have an audience with a non-negligible amount who will, though the majority will still be confused". Thanks for your videos
@xiphocostal2 жыл бұрын
I remember when I was about 7 I was off school for a few weeks with a serious illness. when I came back, I was not so surprised that I had school work to catch up on , but that was ok, I thought, because I was pretty smart. Then it dawned on me with horror that a lot of the stuff I missed out on wasn't taught in the classroom - all that the social and group-think stuff. How to lie, and how it's beneficial . How morals are dispensable. How you can be excluded for the "wrong " clothes, haircut, hobbies...how I'm expected to accommodate and pay respect to the teachers and the cool kids, (despite them being wrong/immoral)who never accommodated me. I still don't get how different rules apply depending on who you are. That shit doesn't stop once school does, unfortunately.
@bighermstick79942 жыл бұрын
I'm not sure if I'm Autistic or not, nearly everything falls in line and people just sort of laugh off a diagnosis (my last therapist asked if I ever thought I was just "quirky," which I could've swore was sort of what Autism was, a being with many quirks causing a large array of symptoms because everything can be quirky) All I know is being around Autistic people makes me comfortable, like they know I'm "quirky" too.
@Sky-Child2 жыл бұрын
In my experience quirky is fine, but having an "official" diagnosis is the way to open doors for proper support if you need it.
@emilyvbr18782 жыл бұрын
I feel you. My therapist brushed it off saying I was probably just awkward because I was homeschooled.
@XxYamiNoEnzeruxX2 жыл бұрын
@@emilyvbr1878 My autistic parents wanted to homeschool be because they personally had a sour time in school and didn't want me to go through that. They had a sour time in school because they had undiagnosed autism, potentially both with PDA. i think its not uncommon for parents who might be neurodivergent to do that, it might be useful to point that out to your next therapist!
@XxYamiNoEnzeruxX2 жыл бұрын
You're right, being 'quirky' is a descriptor that people use for neurodivergent people when they're pretending to be polite. I personally found that talking to my primary care doctor about an autism diagnosis was significantly more successful than a therapist. They (therapists) aren't actually trained to diagnose you and probably didn't know much about autism beyond a pop culture understanding.
@bighermstick79942 жыл бұрын
@@XxYamiNoEnzeruxX Thank you for the free information. I didn't realize therapists aren't trained for that, that makes very little sense to me. Even if most people who are autistic were diagnosed as kids, wouldn't you think they'd want psychiatrists and therapists to be trained to assess if autism is a possibility in adults that may have been glossed over? Practically all the people I see talking about therapists and autism diagnoses are just frustrating and pointless.
@MrStefanuzumaki2 жыл бұрын
A short exchange transcribed. Not much was said. I caught it but i don't know what was meant. I ask them to repeat, The interruption is uncalled for, I feel like I've just ruined something. I leave more informed, but none the wiser for next time.
@claudiavictoria39292 жыл бұрын
I can't even dance the waltz because I'm absolutlely terrible at copying others. I feel so clumsy! However when I was a kid I didn't care much about fitting in and instead of taking part in school plays I used to be the presenter, completely fearless of the audience. I loved it!
@Blackgate952 жыл бұрын
Trying to learn social stuff around the workplace is difficult for me, im trying to make sure that I complete my tasks and try to fit in around work but can find it difficult to figure out the social rules or traditions around the place, like ordering food for example, I have asked people to tell me when they are ordering food as people generally do it as a group, but I found out that reason i never was asked was that people were doing it on their morning break in the breakroom while I went and had mine outside. I think I have ended up causing a lot of confusion for myself and everyone else as I thought the best thing to do was ask if there was something I was indicating or coming across with that said I wouldnt be interested, just spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what other people were doing or seeing that I wasnt. I think I have made everyone feel guilty however as they started to avoid talking to me as I realise now I was essentially breaking down their mindset and showing them parts of themselves that they had never thought of or considered while in my process to try and understand them... factoring in incompetence in front of people was probably not the best strategy.
@KitKat_Kt2 жыл бұрын
The # of times I told my mom - through NO coercion - that I felt like an alien amongst the other kids at school growing up is amazing. I felt like I didn't fit in SO many times, and I didn't know why. Fast-forward 20-30 years, and my son has diagnosed autism (level 1) and I'm in the (loooong) process of trying to get a diagnosis for myself. Thank you for posting these, it's good to know that people have thought/felt similarly as I!
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
There are levels??
@KitKat_Kt2 жыл бұрын
@@michaelbailey3666 I only heard about them somewhat recently, but Level 1 is supposed to be like, low needs/support, Level 2 is someone who needs a 'medium' amount of support/help, and Level 3 is someone who has a hard time functioning on a regular basis and has a lot of needs/needs a lot of support and help to get them through a typical day. I think some autistic people are trying to use those terms more than say, 'high-functioning', because they feel that 'high-functioning' doesn't always adequately describe just how much support/help they may need (or that they may have 'good' days and 'bad' days from time to time, and 'high-functioning' implies that they regularly only need a certain amount of support).
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
KitKat_Kt I’d think more that low or high functioning sounds like a value judgement. Is this level system in a particular country?
@KitKat_Kt2 жыл бұрын
@@michaelbailey3666 Not sure where it 'comes' from, to be honest... I first heard about it in a Reddit group created by/for Autistic people.
@pnwnewsinfo2 жыл бұрын
YES! Thank You. I've spent my life needing someone to tell me what I missed. I say if it's complex, I'll usually get it right away. If it's simple, someone will have to explain it to me. I've learned so much from your videos, thank you!
@9crutnacker9852 жыл бұрын
Cracking video. Never heard of the copying the people around you thing - why would you do that? Def have the big difference in instinct/preference.The theory of mind part explains a huge chunk for me about 'what went wrong'. I would assume others thought/felt like I did but got horribly confused when I put this assumption into practice with negative results. I didn't think to do the anthropology study part, I just gave up trying to interact. At junior school I distinctly remember thinking I'd missed lessons on how to interact/make friends/play & there was a strict pact of secrecy never to mention them once you'd had them. Must have been ill that week or something. Never thought of background noise thing, sure I get this now you mentioned it. Missed memo = big part of my life for decades. Going to have to watch this again.
@kimwhiteker26862 жыл бұрын
I love this guy. He has helped me so much. Thank you. I've just begun to realize I'm autistic at the age 58.
@minervawisdomarts83142 жыл бұрын
I was dx age 59, welcome to the club! It's never too late to find out who you are.
@kimwhiteker26862 жыл бұрын
@@minervawisdomarts8314 that's good to know. It's a great thing I think. My mom was very mean to me and raised me to believe I was retarded and couldn't make my own decisions. This has answered many questions.
@kimwhiteker26862 жыл бұрын
@@minervawisdomarts8314 art is my outlet.
@baja1988_Texas Жыл бұрын
I remember in college thinking "Did I miss a class? How does everyone know so much more than I do?"
@TheSwircle9872 жыл бұрын
Another video which uncannily matches my experience of life. "Must have missed the memo" is literally one of my common expressions.
@natural3362 Жыл бұрын
When i was little, people always smile at me without context. Not knowing why but i thought smiling is a polite and positive thing to do. Then i copied it to everyone and they seemed repulsed. Now i know that smiling without context means mocking and patronizing. That's what it means.
@hemlocktea66437 ай бұрын
So normies actually hate being smiled at? What a bunch of weirdos
@natural33627 ай бұрын
@@hemlocktea6643 that's what people are.. Maybe they have their own mind
@hemlocktea66437 ай бұрын
@natural3362 no they blindly follow authority and social pressures they do not have a mind
@jesseolson73732 жыл бұрын
I can totally relate to this. For most of my life one of my biggest struggles in this area has been not recognizing when a conversation is over and it's time to move on. For example, when a guest at someone's house and it's time to leave and people are saying good-byes... Not detecting when it's actually time to leave. I think I've gotten a little better at noticing these cues over the past few years, but I certainly still struggle with it. It impacts me in other areas as well. Background noise is a big problem for me. Not quite so much that it distracts me, but more so that I can't filter out the background noise to hear only what I'm trying to hear. It all comes in as one messy jumble of sound.
@peterthomasdalton11802 жыл бұрын
Thanks, Paul! I did numerical iteration at University. Every so often I miss social cues. Often social situations are compounded by ambiguity, cultural and language issues. I have always lived outside the standards of social normalcy.
@TheAngryDoctor922 жыл бұрын
I'm 30 years old, a doctor ironically,haha, yet just got diagnosed this year, always felt a little different, having very similar signs/symptoms of aspie from your videos, thanks for the useful information
@alisonmercieca14652 жыл бұрын
Thank you, great video. Married to an aspie and i can relate on his behalf. I frequently have to repeat myself because of background noise, or I haven’t provided enough context for him to get the memo. Since his diagnosis last year we’re discovering all sorts of things he doesn’t get, or views differently. I’ve become an Aspie anthropologist, but one that studies aspies! I’m ND but not aspie.
@Chells_Bells Жыл бұрын
So much of this is relatable. I did have friends when I was younger, like 1st-3rd grades. Then I got to 4th grade and things got shaky, I basically found out I was a loser, etc. Basically 6th grade through my senior year of high school I didn’t have any friends, just some “school friends” I ate lunch with. I was rarely invited to do anything outside of school and was so lonely. And I remember just feeling like how does everyone know how to make friends? I’m still not sure of that. I was taken advantage of so much too; like a group project would come up and suddenly people want to work with me. I’d feel good at first, then realize they just saw me as an opportunity for an easy A. I had a hard time understanding how to know when someone was actually being friendly or if they were actually just looking to take advantage of me. I also struggle with how to know when to end conversations - it’s so weird and awkward?!? Anyway, there’s my life story! 🙃
@juliep112223 күн бұрын
Everything you said is exactly what happened to me. Finally as an adult I’m learning how to make friends that I actually want to hang out with and want to hang out with me and that won’t end suddenly over a misunderstanding. The first part of my life was incredibly lonely.
@Aunuch_2 жыл бұрын
I've felt for a while now that I've seemed to "study" people's behavior, mannerisms amongst other things and thought that it could be creepy or look like I might be stalking someone if they notice me.. Idk I just thought something was wrong with me for being this way. Really brings me closure to know that I'm not crazy and was simply just born this way. (just self-diagnosed haven't had any psychiatrist check in with me yet) also I feels like I just had one heck of an epiphany after I thought about enough to look up info.. Oh and btw my mom introduced me to this channel and I'm thankful there's someone like you out there giving insight to how people like us work which helps us understand our impairments but also allows other that aren't within the spectrum to understand us aswell. All in all, thanks for having some people that share these things. Also am I repeating myself for saying thanks again 😅 yeah sorry, I say thanks alot when I'm really grateful about something 🤭 QUICK EDIT: I wanted to say that, not sure how this effects anything but... I discovered all this just like 2 days ago or so (currently 18 and I'm going to be 19 next year) WEEWOOWEEWOO EDIT 2: OK sorry for a 2nd edit but It's weird to think but I thought that (and the things some of my family members or some friends would say even if they didn't mean it that way) I was way to kept to myself and that was a bad thing and well when my brother said that I was anti-social well, I didn't say much back and it just hurt because I didn't understand that I'm just like this and need space so I might deliberately try to avoid interactions at certain times to avoid being drained by it all.. And yes I'm sure my brother wouldn't ever say anything like that to hurt me but for some reason I just seem to get hurt about things pretty easily to the point where whatever it is can drag down the mood of the ENTIRE day and I just bottle it all up.. I used to be the opposite and instead vented out my frustrations on others fairly commonly until I realized how bad that was and just turned to the complete opposite instead just bottling it all up and then when I had enough I could seemingly randomly act out on something dumb and seemingly meaningless but oh boy I think I might've gone overboard pretty much telling you parts of myself but that's OK 🤭
@annehislop24492 жыл бұрын
Peer support to update info but if you don't have friends then there is no-one to update you. Asked manager if they could give me info and they said "I've already told everyone" I asked work colleagues and they said "I don't know, or too busy ask the manager"
@katheriney83182 жыл бұрын
Sounds like such a non-supportive environment! :(
@Buttercup12345-c2 жыл бұрын
Yes totally understand. When I started a foreign language class I managed to have 2 friends that would keep me abreast of everything we needed to know and remember... that was before they got fed up with me and discarded me because I said something that peed them off and they won't talk about it, so now feeling a bit lost and puny .not sure I'll keep going.
@spookypixels2 жыл бұрын
What do you do in situations where everyone seems to know what to do, but you're also 100% sure you haven't missed anything that was immediately available (not accounting for things learned days or years ago). Very often when I have been in that situation and I ask those around me what to do, or how they know what to do I just get a lot of "I don't know, I just do" answers, or else people will blatantly ignore me to my face, regardless of how politely I ask, or how masked I am. Sometimes I've been so frustrated that I pin point something I missed and I ask "when was that communicated?" and again I get a lot of people waving me away or angry responses that don't provide the answer such as "Everyone knows that!" even if I add "Well this is my first time..." people are very angry at being asked for an answer. I imagine even neurotypical people are sometimes out of the loop and yet I never see them elicit an angry reaction as asking for more information (and I want to stress that people treat me this way even if I'm being perfectly average and polite and masking). It's really mind blowing and frustrating.
@MrMthteach2 жыл бұрын
I got the maths references, and I loved it! Actually pretty helpful as well as witty. This gives me a different angle on mind-blindness. I knew exactly where you were headed with that. Made perfect sense. Probably because we have similar thought patterns or experiences. The idea of mind-blindness assumes a normal distribution, but it may actually be bimodal.
@GordonjSmith12 жыл бұрын
One of the most informative perspectives that I have heard. Don't know how to 'correct it' it but it still 'dogs me' today, even in my closest family. Which is truly a tragedy.
@tiiaj75892 жыл бұрын
I read a lot when I was young, and related to Laura Ingalls because we lived "in the sticks" too. She also found it confusing when going out visiting without her parents when she was young, or when she started school. She didn't know what to do. But she said she watched the hosts and the other children to see what they did, and then knew what she should do too. I don't know if I had a bit easier time than some of your experiences because of reading those stories, but maybe. I still had a difficult time with a lot of things though. I've reread the "Little House" books often throughout my life, and honestly, now that I know I'm autistic, I can really see similarities with Laura and her family.
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
I don’t know about her case, but the authors and musicians I most love and rely upon I would guess are about 80% autistic (once I started knowing what to look for).
@tiiaj75892 жыл бұрын
@@michaelbailey3666 yeah, I think it’s a lot more common than people think. In many ways autisim is just a different way of thinking and looking at things, variety of thought and perspective is good, so it makes sense. I think it’s the comorbidities that seem to often go along with it that the problems come in. Some have less than others and can get by and even thrive, like musicans and inventors etc. because of their different thinking. When that thinking is unappreciated or hidden because of comorbidities etc. it can become (or might be thought of as, anyway) more of a liability than a benefit.
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
Tiia J you’ve nailed it. And even if you thrive career-wise, you might be suffering so much from anxiety etc. that it doesn’t feel like an advantage.
@tiiaj75892 жыл бұрын
@@michaelbailey3666 agreed!
@susanbeever57082 жыл бұрын
Totally relate. People think we’re dumb because of this too.
@barelylucid2 жыл бұрын
Exactly. I used to think I was dumb. I got tested and my IQ was 130, so that wasn't the problem. Then I found this channel and knew what was the problem.
@houki86362 жыл бұрын
I noticed it also had to do with the thought process. One thing I remember was in class, we were doing personality tests and somehow, my answers were always very different to everyone else. Eg. When they ask you which car would you drive to the zoo. Everyone answered jeep, but I said sports car. So for everyone else, they start by choosing the most appropriate car to suit the situation. However, my thought process was, I don't like Jeep, so I wouldn't own one. I prefer sports car, so that would be the car I will drive, as it would be the car I would own. In the end, all my answers were completely different, to the point, everyone was anticipating what my answers would be this time. During camp, somehow everyone knew where to look, but I was completely lost. Apparently, I looked very lost too, so people would call me and try to point to where I am supposed to look. I still did not know what I was supposed to look at. I ended up pretending to look in that direction, as if I knew what was going on. Now I am working, I tend to miss cues at social gatherings. Often, my colleagues would have to explain to me what happened. I find it very interesting that when other people look at facial expressions or body languages, it’s supposed to provide you with more information. However, for me, it’s quite the opposite. It adds to the confusion. If it’s an expression I’ve encountered before, then it might make sense. So obvious ones like happy or sad, I can at least identify what expression it is, but when it’s something more complicated, like a mix of emotions, then it becomes very difficult to decode that information.
@calliope6623 Жыл бұрын
Why would they want to drive a jeep to the zoo? Like so they could pretend to be on a safari?
@houki8636 Жыл бұрын
@@calliope6623 I think out of all the options available, Jeep seemed like the most appropriate option for the zoo. They probably thought sports car was a bit over the top for the occasion. Maybe also because Jeep is more of a family friendly or social event friendly car?Who knows. I probably should of asked them why. It was interesting though cause whenever I shared this story and told people my choice, people look at me funny as if they just heard the most outrageous answer…while I feel just as clueless as to why they chose Jeep over sports car.
@maroualus2 жыл бұрын
Greetings from France. Just love your channel, it's brilliant. I see two other potential reasons : (1) not catching implicit/non-verbal communication, and (2) working memory index below average of other indexes.
@maroualus2 жыл бұрын
Otherwise, yes! All what you said in this video sounds familiar, especially at school during childhood.
@maroualus2 жыл бұрын
Oh and I forgot, sometimes people may throw an important information like an appointment suddenly in the middle of smalltalk. No chance to detect this.
@Astro-Markus2 жыл бұрын
Thanks Paul! This was very interesting and entertaining. I loved the math explanation part and laughed out loud. Gee, there I so much I recognised. The issue with the "Golden Rule" is, I am usually quite suspicious of following all the others because my instinct says, it must be wrong or at least odd. And yes, the anthropologist thing. I'm probably not doing it that much anymore, but when I was young I did this very often up to the point I didn't see people but specimens. And I was very curious. I put myself in the position of a watcher but sometimes forget that the others can still see me. This also includes cultural aspects and habits people have. Ah, and my idea of being an alien is a bit different. Sometimes I get the feeling I'm a highly sophisticated android - and everybody knows. But generally, yeah, especially at work I get the feeling that I missed some key information when everyone is working on something and I have no idea how they know what to do and how to do it. But distraction might be an issue here.
@S.Whinnley7 ай бұрын
I have not been diagnosed with Asperger's or autism, but I was diagnosed with ADHD. It amazes me how much I have learned from your videos. Time after time I find myself going "oh my God yeah I did that "or "that's happened to me too. " had a tough time making friends in elementary school, and settled on a group of popular outsiders in high school. Even as an adult, the only consistent relationship I've had is my wife. But I've used my skills and understanding of her to make her as happy as I can. as silly as it sounds to say it out loud, it never occurred to me that people didn't think like me. In fact, when people didn't agree with me, I was so confused because my thought process in opinions are based in rational evidence based conclusions instead of emotional knee jerk reactions.
@Bushpony2 жыл бұрын
SO very glad for this video! I'm 60, felt like I was on the wrong planet since I was 4, it was more like "how did I end up HERE???" Missing the memo is so an target for me. Thank you.
@geraintwd2 жыл бұрын
I can totally relate to your experience at primary school - I was always the one that somehow had no idea how everyone else knew what to do, especially when it came to homework!!!
@jay65622 жыл бұрын
YES! I can totally relate. I feel like we are identical twins! I was told I had APD - audio processing disorder around 3rd to 5th grade. They said I was distracted by the noise around me and would miss instructions. My elementary school was a completely open floorplan with almost no dividers in-between classrooms so there was plenty of noise and this was pointed out by my teachers and Mother. The difference between you and me is that I failed everything after 7th grade till dropping out in 10th while you excelled in school. Later I finished a bachelors at a top 25 university, but with a B- average (2.7 GPA) - I still missed the instructions. I just got a little better at getting info from classmates or going up to the professors after class. I would always give an excuse as though it was a one-off occurrence if I could which got tough once they saw me as chronically late, lost, or lazy.
@lorenzmenke31212 жыл бұрын
Yes I have APD, so even if I was aware to pay attention to some verbal instructions I often could not understand what was said. Being naturally she as an autistic I did not ask for the answer to be repeated. So my usual solution was to go back to what i was doing and not worry about what was said.
@katheriney83182 жыл бұрын
I really relate to this, Jay! I ended up not going to college until I was 30.
@Sky-Child2 жыл бұрын
Oh no what an AWFUL school layout. I would have hated that. My office is open plan and it's dreadful
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
Sad story, but that is cool though that they had an actual reason for you, and didn’t dismiss the problem.
@katheriney83182 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Paul! I related to your last example the best. I remember in first grade (age 5), when we initially attended for a half-day, and at some point, I thought that we were supposed to bring a lunch and attend for the whole day, so I came to school with my lunch- and the teacher told me no, only certain students were supposed to come for the whole day, and you were not one of them! So embarrassing for me (and the start to years of humiliating experiences). I really had no clue what was going on.
@emrsngs2 жыл бұрын
Oh my gosh, yes!!! I learned to copy because missing the memo got me teased and bullied. Then I had such high anxiety about missing the memo that I became hyper vigilant and constantly stressed.
@emrsngs2 жыл бұрын
@@4hoost This is why I love being by myself. There is no one around to impose their rules and judgement on me😁. I can be me and I love me!!! I'm awesome hahaha😂
@emrsngs2 жыл бұрын
@@4hoost I had to decide that I KNOW 100% that other peoples' opinions of me and perceptions of me are not me. And they are only as important or impactful as I allow them to be. People still tease and bully me and that part sucks. But I also know that as soon as I'm away from these people I instantly feel better. Their lack of kindness, consideration, common courtesy, and compassion tells me they are not very enlightened and I don't need to waste my time/energy thinking about how they are TRYING to make me feel. And because they are not enlightened enough to be kind the babble that spills from their mouths is just that; like they're trying to burn me at the stake using cardboard flames. The truth is that feeling good is what matters, not others' opinions of us. The truth is that we do have value which is illuminated in the presence of a few and suffocated in the presence of many. Find joy in yourself and your own company to buoy you up in the "in between times" of meeting the people who illuminate you. ILLUMINATE YOURSELF :)
@leejordan001 Жыл бұрын
Thank you! This video was a big revelation to me. I experienced the same thing as a child and even as an adult. Now I understand, that I have very low attention to other people especially to what they do. Somebody allways had to retell what somebody told just a moment before. Not because I couldn't process it but because my mind is allways wandering and I am allways one step behind what is happening. It is a little offtopic but I remember when I was a kid, my friend played a video game and I asked: how does he know where to go? And he sayed: You shouldn't whatch the women (the character he played) You should just whatch the level (the space for playing in the game). I realised that I didn't pay attention to the level instead of I looked at the character. But not because I would sexually attached to the women but because I just stared to the screen and didn't paying attention what's going on it.
@CarletoGamesCGYT6742 жыл бұрын
I always fell like that when everyone starts clapping or laughing in class. I always thought "How do they know when and why to clap?", "Why everyone is laughing at the same time?".
@jhayalexander89822 жыл бұрын
Sat. 3/19/22. Thank you so much. Everything you've stated, resonated with me big time. Thank you very much. Have always felt this way, and still do. These points all hit the nail on the head. Even now, what few friends I have, were I to tell them of this, they'd all dismiss it, as figment of my imagination. Many many times, I'll be in various situations, where I seriously feel like "I just now popped onto the scene", and am exhibiting all these humans doing or listening to whatever, and I'm stunned, baffled, amazed and mostly, I'm thinking "ok, what am I supposed to do now? What is all of this about? How do I appear normal, when I'm seeing this all for very first time?" The alien planet thing fits perfectly. Merci Beaucoup. I still feel like I'm in 'de closet, and can't come out, about this.
@sarahlogan20756 ай бұрын
I've recently found your videos and am learning so much! I go into them a bit tentatively because I wonder if I'll learn something that tells me I am not part of this wonderful community that I just discovered and I'll have to sadly keep searching. Then I'm so happily surprised that what you say does reflect my life experience and I do finally belong somewhere.
@TheWriterOnFire2 жыл бұрын
Wow I remember actually asking my mom once if I was a robot when I was a kid. I remember being really upset and genuinely asking, although I can't quite remember why I had asked. I think part of me knew I was different somehow, despite how well I have masked
@farrahforever02102 жыл бұрын
Haha I always asked mine if I was adopted because I was so different
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
I just knew I wasn’t human. All you aliens and robots out there are much more creative than me!
@knowhere60 Жыл бұрын
I often felt like a visiting brain placed in someone else's body, looking from the outside in...like Asimov's positioning robot brains.
@peachymorris4492 жыл бұрын
Yes. I remember coming to london when I was 16 as I thought I had to leave my quiet village & go out into the world & meet lots more people to find out what they were all about😆I’m still on that subject at 57. Found out I was asd adhd about 5 years ago. Thanks good talk.
@katjs2 жыл бұрын
Paul, thank you for your posts. I stumbled across your channel as I started researching more about autism since I was just diagnosed two week ago at the age of 44. Your videos are so informative and give voice to what I have been trying to explain to myself - let alone others - about why I do the things I do. I feel so much freer knowing that what I've been struggling with my entire life has a real life reason. I plan to share your videos with friends and family as I navigate sharing my diagnosis to whoever needs to know as a way to help them understand what I have trouble putting into words for the most part. Thank you.
@hi.moriarty Жыл бұрын
@3:08 When you are talking about the 'favorite ice cream flavor'.. Is it an EXPECTED social cue to GIVE an answer for a flavor? What if you don't LIKE ice cream? How does this affect the outcome of this social expectation? I don't like ice cream. So there wouldn't BE a favorite flavor.
@innerstorm12 жыл бұрын
YES!! A thousand times yes, I experience this all the time. I thought I was just unintelligent for years, I still feel that way to this day. I've actually wondered at times if I'm living in a separate dimension than the rest of the world, and they're getting information that I'm not
@mattatron642 жыл бұрын
Thanks for making this video! I'm in my early 30s and just in the past week I've started questioning whether I might be on the spectrum. My experiences haven't been as intense as what you've described but a lot of it definitely resonates with me. Interesting stuff.
@yukisanderson6907 Жыл бұрын
I am nueotypical. I see that not feeling socially pressured to do what others are doing is a gift of nurodiverse people. Following people around you can be risky. Make sure who you are following is decent and godly. When you think of 80/20% rule. The majority of people are wrong. You are doing just fine. Sameness is boring.
@carocollier72022 жыл бұрын
Great video, thanks Paul. I've been missing the memo all my life, sometimes with disastrous consequences, having hearing problems also hasn't helped. I'm a very analytical person, so I quickly pick up others' attitudes towards me, but I must admit I've often found some people so nasty I wouldn't want to copy them. I used to automatically blame myself but have recently felt that because I see things differently I might well be right in a way others don't see. We definitely have advantages that they don't have, so stay positive, my Aspie friends.
@EmilyFPC2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for continuing with the engineering lesson! I quite enjoyed it as I have a background in Chem. & was worried you would leave us hanging for a sec there. 😁 I found your channel a couple of weeks ago & have been thoroughly enjoying your content! Thanks for all the hard work. 🥰💘🧠
@thegiantmimir46642 жыл бұрын
I have always felt safer being the outsider with the unusual idea or thought. I have found myself resisting doing what others are doing when I cannot understand why there seems to be an unfounded consensus. After one of these moments of alienation I will often build a mental model to understand what's going on and refine that. I will then share that model with people and find that they gain insight into something that had previously eluded them. I had always thought of it as a tendency to challenge received wisdom. That I had received a memo that others hadn't, that I had the better way of being. I have created a long career on using that spark of the unusual, that need to challenge tradition, understand, simplify and model and then teach. It's amazing to me now to hear it as "missing a memo", but it's a completely valid observation. It makes more sense that it stems from something my mind doesn't do, than to imagine that it's something that only my mind is capable of. I've always thought of it as a superpower. Ego, I suppose.
@kathleenkeefe86262 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your videos. It.s amazing to me and a great comfort to hear that there are others who understand the way I think and be in the world . I totally understood you engineering equation example. And laughed out loud about shifting to anthropology brain to cope. I have used that as a coping strategy so many times when I am in groups expected to be extroverted or in forced large group experiences or if I'm just bored. Thank you.
@AngDevigne2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for all of your videos and information! It is helping my relationships. I hope your channel grows and grows!
@Lenneeful2 жыл бұрын
In my case, I think that it has to do with the fact that I focus on a lot of small details. It is a quality for me to be able to do this but at times, especially when there is a lot going on, I miss what is the really important thing to know. Examples of that is all the distractions from my senses : temperature too cold in a meeting, strong annoying smells, sound of the ventilation system, uncomfortable chair, interesting pattern on someone's clothing and oups! I missed the "important" information. Meetings are especially hard because I have to stay focus on everything that is said and a lot of it is boring. I had found a way to cope, I started knitting. That really helped me to just focus on my hands and hearing the conversation. But the boss was insulted and told me to stop. What I loved about the pandemic is the fact that the meetings had to be done online. That was fantastic (but most people hate it).
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
Yes! There are a few phone games that are similar to knitting, and help me focus. I guess that’s what a fidget cube is for.
@gbapro2 жыл бұрын
Can totally relate to this! I remember in primary school, during an assembly in the hall (where everyone gathered first before dispersing for classes), the teacher said something along the lines of "don't come to assembly until after
@fluffyworm2 жыл бұрын
7:44 after you said this aurora's song "different kind of a human" come to my mind, it's about being different from majority of people kind of like being an alien. I really like and relate to this song.
@enfieldjohn101 Жыл бұрын
These are excellent explanations! Copying other people has always been hard for me. First of all, I was born with a lazy eye that wasnt obviously so to others, but enough that I saw double. Thus, I had no depth perception and I couldnt track moving objects and, well the world looked different to me in general. On top of that, Im left handed so trying to learn from right handers was hard. Almost no one in my little county of under 500 people was a leftie and it was the early 70s, so some teachers were still trying to make lefties do things right handed. On top of that, I generally thought differently than those around me. My first though upon seeing a group doing the same thing wasnt "I should do that too", it was "Why are they doing that?". Ive always found most of human behavior to be weird. I often think that I dont want to do what others do, even after I manage to make some kind of sense of it. Even if I do, watching them was very hard because I didnt see what they were doing in the same way that they did. We finally figured my vision problem out when I was eight and I started doing physical therapy and eye muscle strengthening exercises which I still have to do sometimes. My vision goes double to this day if I get tired or am ill. Takes consious concentration to see straight. I dont think most people have to tell themselves to focus on specific objects over and over again throughout a typical day. Trying to empathize is hard too. Like you said, most people develop Theory of Mind and learn that most other people have the same basic thoughts, feelings and reactions to life. Ive never been able to totally adopt that theory. I can sometimes remind myself that Ive been told that people think or feel a certain way about certain things, but its more like trying to remember a rule to an unfamiliar boardgame than someting thats second nature. Thats a good analogy that I use to try to explain how I am with social situations. Its like a new board game to me. Most other people seem to understand the rules and have most of them memorized, but Im over here losing the game badly because I still dont understand it. A good example is the game Munchkin. Very popular game with many versions now. Ive played it at hobby stores and small conventions (which I enjoy but only buy a one day ticket for now because Ive found that I cant cope with the sensory ovetload for three or four days in a row). Other people get it and play it very well. Ive tried now and then for years and still dont understand the rules. I sort of get the goofy cartoon slapstick humor on the cards, but may never grasp the core concepts of the gameplay. Im finding that I cant even adequately describe it and Ive tried to play it many times. But thats how life in general feels to me, especially social situations. As a kid, I wondered if I had actually been adopted from a family in another culture, or even from another planet. I just dont understand human behavior. Some people think Im kidding, but I really mean it. If I wasnt so afraid of crowds and public speaking, I would be a standup comedian who did jokes about how weird daily life is. Years ago, I wrote a short story for high school English class that was a first person perspective tale of an alien who has to try to blend in after crash landing on Earth. I wish I still had it. My teacher thought it was great because it was so detailed and believable. What she didnt know is that a lot of it was a fictionalized account of things that had happened to me. The reason of missing the information because you werent paying attention is a big one too. Its hard to stay focused and present in reality for me. I daydream most of the time and when I have to snap back into reality, it is disorientating. I've had a couple of major surgeries now so I can say its maybe a bit like waking up from one of those when Ive been so deep in thought thay Ive not noticed anything going on around me, sometimes even for hours. Sometimes, my mind wanders even when Im supposed to be listening to someone or doing something. I cant drive down a long mostly straight highway for more than a couple of hours without a break for example. Not only willI start to see double, but my mind will wander too. Its scary sometimes to arrive somewhere and realize that I dont remember the last 50 miles of the drive or something. Thank God I havent caused an accident because of driving while daydreaming! Id make a terrible truck driver. I have to take notes while listening to someone talk, or while reading a book in order to stay present in that moment and get anything out of it. Not just for a class, but every other time too. My wife will tell me something and if I realize that its not just idle chitchat, I will write notes while shes talking. Now tjat weve been married (checks a calendar) for 17 years as of this July, shes learned that its best to give me written notes and reminders on post it notes, the whiteboard by our front door and/or on my google calendar, if she expects me to remember something. I wont if she just quickly tells me once. I have that problem with background noise and visual, aromatic or even tactile distractions too. Even the lable in my shirt collar itching my neck can be enough to distract me.
@m.majaaz84642 жыл бұрын
That’s so true! I had the same experience in primary school. And I didn’t understand why I kept missing info. One day we had a test on identifying leaves and I was caught completely by surprise and had no clue whatsoever - completely left out. It still happens to me: when there is background noise, I won’t be able to catch what people are saying, even though they are right in front if me. Thanks, Paul 🦥
@myntndmarriage2 жыл бұрын
#1 People copy each other... now I know why my son was not doing the actions to the song for the end of year kinder Christmas performance 😊
@SirBoden2 жыл бұрын
Being a face blind aspie I know exactly what you mean. Luckily I grew up in a small rural area with a tight group of friends that worked as a team through childhood.
@embracin97952 жыл бұрын
I can relate to every single thing you talked about, I was just like you in class and i couldnt figure out why i haven't got the 411. Now I have one earbud in and I have been engaged more than ever in a class setting
@heathers7265 Жыл бұрын
I always feel a little lost in social situations or around other people. It's never really been anything I've been able to pinpoint though, or understand why I felt lost or confused. Your video was great in explaining things though. 👍😊
@encahill2 жыл бұрын
Another one of the reasons I hate phone calls.. especially at work.. so much clearer to simply put it in an email.
@josephmartin15402 жыл бұрын
only whenever there is a meeting... Or, maybe during a lot of conversations. Oh, the rest of the examples!!! A beautiful description of my childhood, studying people in order to have hope of "fitting in" to some extent...
@KAHHHH85482 жыл бұрын
Such a good video, thanks. Ive often done that in school too, i always felt like the one left out. Anyway im an adult now, i have my own opinions and i couldnt give a shit less about other people.
@Anne-qj6xo2 жыл бұрын
I've known since I was 3 years old I was different and weird. Always not in "the loop". It wasn't until my little granddaughter was diagnosed with autism that I realized that this is what I have struggled with my entire life. It explains my entire lifetime of frustration with relationships - mainly work and friends. I work alone most of the time in a lab as a biologist. When everyone else in the family does not understand my granddaugher, I do completely. At 61, I'm too old to care about a formal diagnosis. I just enjoy being me quirks and all and I lost interest in trying to figure out society.
@jim_jam_dseries2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Paul. Such a relatable topic. Thank you for the ever-helpful content.
@jofox1186 Жыл бұрын
I relate to this very strongly. I often miss information and it's not for lack of trying. I think I don't process auditory information quickly enough so with longer instructions some of it gets lost.
@mommabahre60172 жыл бұрын
Not only do I think differently, sometimes I don't even want to fit in. It's too exhausting. Plus, I don't always like their ideas. Is this normal?
@Barabyk2 жыл бұрын
Missed the memo could summarize 42 years of my life. I can recall so many aspects of my life on a spectrum and embarrassing moments related to the 'missing manual'.
@michaelbailey36662 жыл бұрын
Do you get that sudden painful stab when you realize finally what was happening in an incident years or decades old?