Did the Narcissist Really Mean to Hurt You?

[@dushkakruyer2150]

This was so powerful! Thank you 🙏🏻. My husband is a covert narcissist and his reasons for never apologizing or taking ownership for his bad behavior is because he says he didn’t intend to hurt me. He is a Pastor of a church and no one knows who he truly is at home. I cannot stand the hypocrisy any longer. To listen to him preach a powerful sermon about repentance and forgiveness and obeying Gods Word and then experience him not living out what he preaches has been unbelievably distressing for me. I’ve now made steps to leave him. I will be free in less than two months when my new accommodation becomes available. He is trying the love bombing tactics once again - but it’s over for good for me. I’m so grateful for all these KZbin clips that you share. Thank you so much. May God bless you abundantly as you help many recover from narcissitic abuse.

[@vtwinpower1903]

How did u make out? Did u do a break away

[@wilmadutoit3002]

I also got divorced from a Covert minister. Yes, I know the sermons at church and the demons at home.

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

This is actually 🤯! And the answer is no. he did NOT intentionally treat me with kindness, respect, love and care. he did NOT intentionally protect me, honor, reciprocate my efforts or fulfill my needs. he did the OPPOSITE of all of that, no matter how hard I pleaded, overcommunicated, cried... Terrible, sad and pathetic times. But I'm 1 year 3 months freeeeeeee!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@lisaz4411]

Yes they intentionally abuse. They are sadistic

[@nicholecornes1915]

Let them operate the way they do but get out of their way

[@sirg-had8821]

It was just a fun bonus for them.

[@deb2319]

Being mean is a deep rooted childhood wound one must make fully conscious to stop bad mean immature behavior. And practising empathy for self and other. Study Consciousness & Be Well 💚⛵️👁

[@tillapaugh1995]

Brilliant. I will not forget that Did he intentionally not hurt me. Did he intentionally not protect me. 😳

[@deha5084]

"Why would I hurt someone I care about?" (my ex narc) Well, for starters, you are an arrogant, selfish monster :) If someone is repeatedly hurting you, run. It doesn't matter if they intend or don't intend to do so. If you are getting hurt repeatedly, why stick around to see whether intentional or not? It took almost a year for me to jump ship, and I haven't looked back.

[@lisaz4411]

Same ❤. And they DO intend it. No one is that dense

[@eleonorabartoli2225]

This perspective was really useful: thank you, Ben. Looking back I have noticed that they never attempt to protect anybody, but they always protect themselves. Also, asking myself if I would ever behave towards them how they did towards me, and the answer is always I would never.

[@lisaz4411]

Exactly they only care about themselves and of course we would never do to them what they do to us

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

I like the way you put this. Yes that is how a person should be thinking. Flipping the phrase is how it really should be looked at. Thank you so much From JANESVILLE, WI

[@ItsFranny]

Mine loves to say "I wasn't trying to hurt you" as an excuse and a reason to not apologize. He's stuck in an infantile state of if he didn't "mean to" he can't be held accountable. I've gotten tired of trying to explain accountability to him. Now I just say "well in that case you are very skilled, because you did it amazingly without even trying". Put that feather in your grandiose hat, I'm over coddling it.

[@lisaz4411]

Honestly you should just leave him in the dust and get the hell out if you can. These people almost never change. Know your worth and move on ❤

[@WillyEckaslike]

a malignant narc is also a sadist

[@lisaz4411]

And a covert one is sadistic too

[@Imnotyourdoormat]

No. No they did not. Narcissists did not mean to hurt you just ask them...they'll even tell you that very thing. And all the mounts on a Deer Hunters wall were taken purely by cirumstance and accidental happenstance. Some by ricochets during target practice, some by accidental discharges while just walking in the woods. 1 even ran up grabbed the hunters rifle and decided to end it all right there. So he went on the wall too.

[@steventevis2506]

Um.... I really appreciate this comment/perspective. Truly. The, "it's still going on the wall" dynamic...

[@Imnotyourdoormat]

@@steventevis2506 😆😆😆

[@nicholecornes1915]

Its really strange but alot of us do things not realizing what or why we do things

[@Proposal12]

Doesn´t matter if they did or didn´t ...I will rock their world to another planet...yeah Im that a hole...

[@apriljk6557]

Okay, Wanda, that's the spirit!!

[@welchce]

Cold as ice 😂 😉

[@Proposal12]

@@apriljk6557 There´s no wanda, she took sick leave. I said a hole for a reason.

[@Proposal12]

@@welchce basically yea..How do I know, I´ve been told, plus I was a drill instructor in the military, I don´t f around with bs...

[@tashellortiz9636]

Lol 😅 love it I'm the same way

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

This is all true. I stayed in my marriage to figure out why he was Jekyl/Hyde. He bragged about cognitive dissonance and never once was he at fault for anything. The price I paid was my whole family and friends believed the lies, and once I had no one left I left it all behind. It was a confusing time until there was no other answer than jealousy and hatred

[@RawMotivations]

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[@lisaz4411]

Yeah they are sick in the head and they are jealous and hateful and vengeful without reason and they get a kick out of. Find healing and peace and self love ❤

[@empress_me]

😢

[@lindsay3793]

3:54 😢

[@redblue5868]

Very helpful, thank you.

[@bronwynsimons7028]

Wow Ben. You're making me cry man😢 This is so intense

[@lenawall363]

Thank you 💜

[@edwong4178]

If someone stepped on your toe, it hurts regardless of whether it was intentional or not. You: Ow, that hurt. Please watch where you step. Healthy person: I’m so sorry; I should have been more aware. Narcissist: I couldn’t help it; it’s not my fault you were in my way. One thing is for sure, narcissists intend to shirk responsibility for their behaviour and actions.

[@lisaz4411]

I agree with you. Also I believe they DO know what they were doing

[@southerncatlady]

I don't think ALL of them mean to hurt us. I think it's an incidental thing in some cases... Like collateral damage as a result of them getting something they want. HOWEVER, the justification AFTER they hurt you so they can avoid responsibility IS intentional. That said, there ARE some people who hurt others on purpose. But I think those people are more sociopathic than narcissistic. Just my opinion, based on my own experience, though.

[@lisaz4411]

I personally think they DO know and they get a kick out of it. No one is that dense , and it’s NO coincidence they do the same stuff that they know upsets us over and over till we end up leaving them in the dust

[@sharonb519]

I think I am unintentionally more confused now than I intentionally was before I intentionally chose to watch this. 🤔

[@nicholecornes1915]

Yeah are you all willing to sacrifice your HEALTH for NO LOVE? Geezzz this is your life