4 Ways a Narcissist Cares About You

[@melissaminkoff5190]

With a narcissist, the words and actions don't align. Mine knew all the right words to say. But his actions proved that he never really loved or cared about me; he only ever cared about what he thought I could do for him. Once he exhausted everything I had to give he largely ignored me unless he was raging. I left the relationship and went no contact. Once I was out of the relationship I quickly realized how exhausting it is to be with someone who takes and demands endlessly but doesn't give in return; who treated me like an object he controls and owns; who was always hiding things, lying, seeking out other women to cheat with, indulging a revolving cycle of addictions; and more. It's such a hopeless existence to be subjected to these soul-crushing people and their selfish, destructive, toxic behaviors.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

How long were you w/ him? While all the rest you said is true when things go south and their toxic defense patterns kick in, if it was long term, then he definitely cared about you more than give credit for. They are sick w/ a disorder though.

[@SarahStanke]

They only care about themselves and what they can get from people. My ex claimed to love me but fully believe he was cheating on me the whole time. My ex didn't have a soul and was incapable of loving anyone. He is currently hoovering me but only wants a piece of ass. He isn't intelligent enough to love or care about anything more than that.

[@veral2274]

Very well summed up.

[@nessauk2786]

They care if they need somewhere to live , if you got money, if you ask for nothing.

[@inspiredbydior5447]

I’m so sorry you went thru that and I’m glad that you’re out now and can see it for what it really is. I went thru something similar, but his abuse was very covert and subtle. He came off as caring and like he just wanted the best for me. He would always talk about how he’s a simple guy who doesn’t ask for much…but he just didn’t verbally ask, but he definitely required a lot to maintain the false persona. I went thru the toxic cycle for almost 13 years. Next month marks 1 year of limited contact since we have an 8 year old. Looking back, I see him for the manipulator he really is. The cognitive dissonance gets in the way at times, but I understand the pathology behind it all so I push thru those moments. His actions were total opposite of his words. If he did match his words, it was very short lived and just so he could say he did it…and then blame why he stopped, on me and my attitude or me not appreciating who he was. At one point he wanted to marry me and then 3 months later it was a different story. We went to look for houses and the next day he emailed me saying we should wait and pray on things because we’re moving too fast. He would always get my hopes up and then shut them down. Then when I would show reactive abuse, I became the problem or the reason why we didn’t get to accomplish what we set out to initially do. I realize how much he really hated me and didn’t love me at all. I have so many examples of what love is not, but yet he has many people thinking he truly loved me and I just didn’t appreciate a good man, or I didn’t know how to talk to him. On the outside it does appear that he’s a good man. It’s not until you start to see patterns and questionable behavior, that makes you pay closer attention and educate yourself on his ever changing personality. I could literally write a book! I’m just glad to be out of it and on my healing journey. I only deal with him when I absolutely have to. Other than that, I pretend he doesn’t exist. I will never allow him to get in my personal space and have a chance to hurt, or disappoint me. I don’t ever want any type of friendship with him. I’m counting down until my son turns 18, which is another 10 years…but I will finally be able to block him from my life forever.

[@janettheresamagorian9494]

They end up doing every shameful thing..all in an effort to avoid shame..

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Yes, they sure can do. The disorder causes them to act in ways that are so paradoxical. Always remember it's a disorder they have and find the strength to heal and not take is as personally.

[@ca32]

When some can act like you don't exist they never cared

[@RawMotivations]

Very true

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

If that were true, then it must mean when you manage to go no contact, that you never cared either. See how that works?

[@karlippo]

@@saintejeannedarc9460not true. Going no contact is a protection method for victims of narcissist abuse to avoid repetition of the abuse by the narc and to heal. The narc ignoring you or giving the silent treatment is abuse.

[@Oceansgreen]

Yes we cared and going no contact is very difficult indeed, but, why chase someone that doesn’t want you, why go through the rejection again, why torment yourself because that’s all you do. The thing with being with a narc that you love is.. you accept being bottom of the list, you accept being ignored, you accept being taken for granted because you make excuses for them and you cherish the time that they DO give you… until the time comes when you DON’T.

[@thebirima91]

Reactive no contact is to protect yourself and detach. As a result of years of neglect, devaluation, disregard etcetera. Otherwise I would not even come up with the idea to do such thing.

[@veral2274]

My ex narc would say: I love the way you touch me, the way you look at me, the way you make me feel. It was never about me. Or the little he was giving. It's not a relationship when you do 95% of it.

[@candacemccoy681]

I asked my ex why he loved me and every answer that came out his mouth had something to do with what I did for him, I knew then he didn’t love me 😔

[@laurabeigh283]

same!

[@lindsay3793]

6:30 "A relationship with a narcissist is very transactional. You give me something, I don't give you anything, I just get something from you." 💯

[@angelajoy5401]

narcissist don't care about you, they only care about themselves.

[@josette_napoleon]

He only cares when i provide my utility to him. In between, he disappears.

[@renee4882]

They expect us to know what they want but don't communicate thier needs. Get out, stay out. It's a no win situation and we have too much to lose to these loosers.

[@inspiredbydior5447]

So true!!

[@dianaalyssa8726]

My narcissist cares... about money. Don't think he cares about anything else on the planet. 💰💰💰 Have been free for a couple years, think he found a replacement wallet from what I read. Hard to know anything because I have been NC for 3 years. My covert loves the drama and money.

[@RawMotivations]

Money and image often are the two biggest things they care about. very true

[@Beanp2025]

MONEY above ALL. If they can get away with killing for money, they will. The only thing stopping them is jail and loss of face.

[@juanadrianrobaina5763]

My husband comes home from work and after having said " hello",he straight away tells me that he is meeting his friends,and I know that is where he has all his flying monkeys who adore him and think he is the greatest,because he actually is a different person with them,so no wonder....6 hours later he is back😮and I get ignored 😢😢funny when I meet people the next day telling me what a wonderful person my husband is😂😂😂😂😂,great communicator ,soo funny 😅,well that person I do not seem to live with,I live with the dark side of him😮

[@Oceansgreen]

Why are you still with him? He clearly doesn’t value or care about you… my ex was the exact same, he had no time for me but all the time in the world for others, never hardly even smiled when with me but laughed and joked with others… he obviously didn’t care about me but stayed because he had a roof over his head… after 36 years together i asked him to leave.. I deserved better and so do you.

[@daniellemorse6929]

Thank you so much for this video, Ben. I never understood how he could say he cared, missed me, loved me, etc., but the actions were never there. All words and no actions from anyone shows a lot about a person.

[@raylenaerskine7693]

Absolutely correct my ex narc was about his life and career , but I was a trophy 🏆 and he always lied...he perpetrate a the fraud and I was just a property

[@ChanteeCummings]

I came back after being divorced after 10 yrs… I’ve been back since April… I’m sick to my stomach … I always thought what if… what if… I made it so easy … I rejected him throughout the 10 yrs… I was married for 15 yrs… it was rocky… I always felt he did not emotional connect with me… don’t get me wrong I had childhood trauma that I brought to the marriage .. after 10 years he said he has gotten help regarding He’s says all the right things… no action … I’m asking myself why was I so ignorant

[@RawMotivations]

No action. Thats the biggest sign. Let’s get you free. Https://www.rawmotivations.com/survivor

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

At difficult times the narcissist will help with the conditions that you "owe them." They will not serve someone who is not constantly praising them.

[@magdafrazer7092]

OMW....Everything you said is what I have told him!!! It is also the reason why he won't divorce me...just to save face...

[@rosalindr4975]

He talks to the dog , drinking beer , all evening. & mad at me for “ ignoring him “ . Classic!

[@khurramawan6338]

My attention and admiration was still there but she wanted new supply source as I got stale. And yes i was asking her to make good on her future faking.

[@cherrybacon3319]

A Narcissist caring is not dependent upon whether they lose anything of themselves. It's based on gain. My Ex wouldn't do anything for me unless there was something in it for him. 🍒

[@nicholecornes1915]

The day after i got married EVERY THING CHANGED!!! Just like it did for all of us wives! Your not missing anything but a life of pain loneliness evil...please run

[@MichellePringle-t1d]

Me too!

[@Dazz3881]

🙏Call a Spade a Spade! do ones own Math's!🙏 Hindsight! Thank You 🤠

[@susancinek5803]

It takes a lot of courage to admit our faults to others. Thank you for sharing your important work on this very difficult issue.

[@RawMotivations]

You are so welcome!

[@dorothykaffjamboe6808]

My husband is like half narcissistic and half other human 😅 but I don’t want to regard him as one so am being very tough and honest with him without being afraid of him. Sometimes you need to communicate more about your likes and dislikes,when they don’t provide you your then you don’t provide theirs because men are highly full of ego,pride,arrogance and selfishness. You have to be stronger than your opponent to be able to suppress them.

[@mariondudek564]

There is a difference between NPD and narcissistic tendencies. It's just hard to tell which is which at times.

[@farasisikocavier7453]

I have been complaining inside myself about unfair treatment I was receiving from my wife. We have been living together for about 20 years but when I look back I can't remember any single event when we were excited in love we never went together to the dining table though I was always wishing it but always she would get a reason to Don't do it We were always eating separately. We never went in the bathroom together, as some couples do. When there is achievement she wants to be at my side, bat when there is a failure that will be totally my fault. When I'm struggling with some challenges she stands aside and she sims to be happier, but when I get a relief and there's some improvement, then she seems to have jealous and be unhappy.... There too much to say

[@somethinggood9267]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's happening to me to, multiple times actually. But I just wanted to tell you that God loves you and God bless you

[@kristen9827]

100% understand! It’s exhausting.. no one deserves to be treated like this…🙏🏻

[@christinestewart9734]

I'm learning that we are really fighting against the unseen world they are portraying, this is me and I'm always right. 😮 now I pray for that exact unseen spirit ( demonic entity) that these people are to exit and bannish from my surroundings, I pray to God every moment I feel an attack coming from any loved ones in my life. They are very really demonically oppressed and they have know idea, when they treat others with discontent and cruelty. Lord come soon 🙏

[@miller5170]

I will say women are probably expressing it differently , if overt it’s easier to see too but they can have fantasy expectations of their married life. We all are taught this wrongly but some who are raised as “princess” they are taught everything is supposed to be for them they are suppposed to be worshiped and don’t pop their fantasy bubble of themselves . They are usually not taught how to self regulate and without attention they feel like nothing. They can instigate situations and gossip and attack others for not being there for their every fantasy but won’t be there for anyone else

[@percystreet]

Interesting about the narcissist not actually saying, “don’t do this, that etc”…..I now realise just how much I was controlled by the other statements, like, “you never let me have any time”, “we should each only have one night out a week with our friends” (then regularly she’d take two or three nights…….

[@marcosiviero494]

It’s always been just about “the way you make me feel”…everything always orbiting around her needs and feelings. The moment you cease to produce that effect, you’re immediately of no value at all. So sad and empty person!

[@chocolatecookie8571]

Thank you Ben, for making it clear to us. 🙏

[@shellyallison]

You are always so spot on. Thank you!

[@irinaparker8657]

Right on point 👉👉👉💯 they want to have their cake 🎂 and eat it too.

[@truckeejackson145]

Great work bro!!!👍👍👍 You've mapped out and explicitly explained these narcissistic situations so well. Your simplistic and deep dive approach on this subject blows everyone else on KZbin out of the water.

[@Yoshibelle615]

So basically they don’t give a f about you unless you give them what they want and put up with their bs? And even then they don’t care or really love you they just won’t really be “that abusive” they just want someone to be there in a relationship while they be single

[@RawMotivations]

yes

[@Yoshibelle615]

@@RawMotivationsgeez!!! SMH glad it’s over 😂

[@jolenekilbane]

Thank you for helping me open my eyes

[@RawMotivations]

I am glad I could help. Reach out for more help or information

[@charmee4045]

He cared by funding our life, they are even more dangerous if they have money.

[@RawMotivations]

We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic, break the bond and empower yourself once more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.

[@dime7612]

Thank you!

[@sism3028]

Thank you for your channel!I I love how you keep your videos short and to the point.

[@RawMotivations]

Thank you! www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough

[@lauraoki8368]

I appreciate your words of wisdom!

[@leagueG5]

Great information. 👍

[@RawMotivations]

Glad it was helpful!

[@bonniemorgan7215]

Truth!!!!

[@lisakrajewski4699]

Thank you.🙏🏼

[@fridachanel8234]

It's crazy to understand my narc husband. It doesnt matter that i gave him the attention a d admiration or loved him. He would always express thebgrass was greener somewhere else. So, i told him go and find out for yourself its an illusion and barren. Makes no sense how being with so many other people makes him feel more fulfillment. I hate being trauma bonded to him. God will break this and heal me. One day at a time

[@itsamandaabb]

What happens when you expose the narcissists abuse ?

[@RawMotivations]

They either leave or it gets worse

[@kobeibryant4356]

@@RawMotivations facts stay too long and u may become a narc too. I’m living it and I hate it

[@alicekemp2041]

Very true,and well put

[@theprincessdivam7695]

Exactly!!!

[@missb1982]

They run depending on severity of the exposure and how good new supply is lined up. But they can kind of tell if someone is done and its better to end it.😊 and the smiley face is for how glad i am that im not dealing with that bull ish now.

[@nicholecornes1915]

Its hell to dodge that ego feild

[@embassysweets8607]

I have had the most weird narcissist experience ever recently. 🤔

[@antonioortega2588]

And I thought mine took the taco?!? I am a conspiracy theorist too and I really think that God moved those people out of our lives - IN THE MOST DRASTIC WAY - because He has something huge planned for us. When I 1st left her last year, I got a huge promotion at work making an extra $25k per year. Just 6 weeks after I left. I know that blessings are not always in the form of money, but this time she left - in a very drastic way just 2½ weeks ago. So I know something is about to shake. Watch your life get shaken in a good way soon and you will have that eye opening moment. The one where you realize that your ex couldn't be a part of the blessing you are about to receive.

[@embassysweets8607]

@@antonioortega2588 I hope you're right. 💞

[@antonioortega2588]

@@embassysweets8607 repost on here when you see it. Awesome handle btw.

[@embassysweets8607]

@@antonioortega2588 Okay I will. And thanks. You take care.

[@kingaberlakovich5585]

So they don’t care about me, it is all about them.

[@RawMotivations]

We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic, break the bond and empower yourself once more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.

[@meloneymoore8856]

I admire Viola Davis because she reflects much of the courage and inner strength I find deep within me.

[@percystreet]

My wife thinks that she can do things that hurt me, as long as she does something she thinks I want done (usually sex)……… so when we go from zero sex for days/weeks to fantastic sex in minutes I have to think, “what has she been doing?….is this a bizarre apology?”

[@nicholecornes1915]

God i cant wait this divorce to be over NOTHING goinigs to change with anyone guys save your children

[@suzanne4396]

He " cared" about me because I was a sure bet for sexual satisfaction and thereby, validation of his SO INSECURE itty-bitty ego. I'd JUMP when he wanted to meet ...only for sex although he said " we'll go out, we'll have dinner or go out of town for a hockey game.." But for TEN YEARS, that never ever happened. To him, I was just convenient, sure sex( who didn't sleep with anyone else and was loyal..) Until I went to trauma therapy. Until I watched hundreds of videos like this... And I set boundaries, and I said No, and I'd be distant & detached. I even turned down sex 😱😱😱 several times. Blocked him 37 times in a year & a half . Aaaaand, finally he got it. He may've " cared," but I No longer did. 😊

[@nicholecornes1915]

Lol i dont do drama 😂

[@nicholecornes1915]

Omg

[@caropuente7]

Are you making any improvements as a narcissist? Have you changed ?

[@RawMotivations]

Yes