Divorce Lawyer Reveals The #1 Mistake That Most Men Make In Relationships | James Sexton

[@asalinas4059]

This is watering the nurturing part of the relationship garden.

[@SachelleCambria]

Exactly.

[@pepper1188]

"Coffee on the counter, my love for you, everywhere ". Best little note I ever received!

[@m.bird.]

Wonderful....

[@Bambino_60]

My biggest mistake in my relationships was my selfishness and self centered attitude. I deserved everything I got.

[@puffchickpam1]

I commend you for taking responsibility. Most don’t. Not easy

[@VERITASPUREBLOOD]

self reflection is what makes people grow and become better. too few change

[@kdeloris2225]

Wow, Most people wait until they're on their death bed before they say something like that.

[@bigkev1773]

At least you can admit it.

[@gbas76]

There are lots of us who figured out this same thing. I did as my marriage was hanging on by a thread. I showed some narcissistic behaviors for years. So I made big changes, quickly, and I've stuck with the work on myself. After a bit, my wife started to alter her behavior and become more introspective. Things are much better and we're just getting started on the work together. Take a step back and ask yourself, are the behaviors I'm doing making me or anyone else happy? Be accountable, and become a great man (or at least a better man). After you do that work, you can look outward and see if your spouse is making herself and you happy too.

[@SS-ly2bn]

He is so right. It causes her to fall in love with him again and again, creating connection. Women fall in love through their ears, not their eyes.

[@MelodiousRhythm]

I did that with my ex 18 years ago. I made her lunch box and put in a love note everyday and a joke of the day but she still cheated more and more until I divorced her.

[@thomaskatt4450]

I feel for you. Same here. The impression given is that doing these small things somehow insulates you. You are NOT in control of a womans feelings for you. Putting her on a pedestal lets her look down on you, which reinforces her notion that she chose wrong. Remember, in the end, womans hypergamy makes her want men she CANT have.

[@champabay4746]

So no one should do nice things for their spouse because you picked a loser? It’s been 18 years get over it

[@patrickarky116]

Leave your wife a pink slip, instead!!!!!!!!

[@ErwinSchrodinger64]

@@thomaskatt4450 I agree with you completely. Every time all of my long term relationships have ended is due to me finally admitting how much I care. Now, I just look at my girl friend is if... it's just my turn with her. I care but do not love. I don't pretend to not care but realize if she's going to cheat... she's going to cheat. I can't worry about things I can't control. I show her enough that I care. Fix her car, take her out once a week. But I don't chase nor do I put her on a pedestal. I worry about me being the best person I can be. She's not the source of my happiness. This is the best balance I've found. I'm not saying this is the best approach nor am I saying all woman are like this. It's a law of averages. However, I'm with the most beautiful woman, who is the most intelligent, and that hits the gym frequently. But woman aren't a primary focus now. I worry about my career, income, my daughter, working out, and my hobbies. She's just an ancillary part of my life.

[@camillegallagher7828]

😢 Some people are just shitty.

[@craigsmith9876]

Yep it's called appreciation costs nothing and buys a whole lot.

[@RP07662]

I could listen to this guy for hours. Totally entertaining

[@BRIANDER100]

I CAN'T

[@melissaakey4631]

same!!

[@benhartart9487]

He’s a lawyer, gift of the gab to get your $$

[@hansblitz7770]

Usually lawyers don't seem to express such a deep dive into the psychology they deal with it. This guy is different, what an interesting dude.

[@LoQueYoDigoVaAMisa]

He wants your money 😂😂😂

[@chattingman6777]

Bro its comdey hour. A shark is nice until he smiles.

[@kimf5948]

He studied phycology and he wanted to be a divorce attorney from the start.

[@michaelgallaugher3893]

I can honestly say that notes have more impact than we (men) think. My wife still keeps 3 year old post it notes of me saying silly love you messages. Women respond to verbal messages, not the action messages.

[@girlwithathought2940]

They’re not mutually exclusive. We like both 😊🤗

[@SphinctersForever]

My GF has kept every single little goofy note I ever left for her. Way back, I left a note on her door when she wasn't home. I thought it was nothing, but she kept it.

[@briobarb8525]

Women respond to both. One...know the woman. Two...variety is nice. Do you want to eat the same meal everyday? 😊

[@johnsharkey3622]

Excellent advice. Starting this with my wife tmrw!

[@ledhalenV]

Thank you. I’ve been one of those guys who was like “why do I need to tell you everyday.” I already know my wife is going to really appreciate notes, so I’m going excited. It’s the small things that matter, and I appreciate the reminder.

[@LoQueYoDigoVaAMisa]

You will be one of his customers soon 😂

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Personally, I'd rethink it. Stick with a spontaneous hug here and there, with an "I love you", and you'll thank me.

[@USMCAllTheWay]

This guy is a national treasure. Every married person, who wants to stay married, should, should listen to him.

[@seaoh9109]

Ufff@39 seconds I smiled. I don't get anything like that anymore. My husband and I are on the verge of divorce 😢 I feel unappreciated and I feel like I don't matter to him. Hardly ever hear ily, or just a random hug or kiss. Doesn't say I'm pretty. Nothing. Men listen to the man! He is spot on. It doesn't cost money to say nice things to your wife/gfs. The little things really add up and then good women wind up leaving, and it's not out of nowhere.

[@lisam2795]

I love this advice, and my husband and I have had this conversation before. He tries, but sometimes he has to put a note in his phone to remind him to compliment me. I appreciate the effort! I leave him a note every morning, try to make the food he likes, and treat him kindly and with respect. He does similar things, but physical touch and words of affirmation are my top two love languages, and they are the bottom two for him. If you don't have the same love language it does take extra effort to 'speak their language', but it pays off! His is time spent together and acts of kindness, so making him the foods he likes, and watching him play his favorite games on twitch on Friday evening make a huge difference. It's wild how different we all are. Twenty years of marriage in, and we are finally starting to get the hang of this thing.

[@Neoteny374]

G-d bless you, Ma'am.

[@fablife1093]

What do you do for him daily?

[@bg8753]

You are very high maintenance.

[@honeyfurfarm2182]

​@@bg8753lmao that's not high maintenance at all.

[@reinhardt5405]

He's right! Im the type of man who compliments women in a respectful manner. And I kid you not, they slowly started to develop feelings for me. All because their man would not. Women are like flowers, you gotta maintain them not just have them on display.

[@hnybee113]

I've been corresponding through email with a man friend. The power of the typed or written word is so powerful

[@toddjames3806]

I just left a note and it felt great! Wonderful advice.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Don't overdo it. Maybe once every month.

[@solegonz762]

Love notes are so precious

[@tiorimas]

We've had commercials telling us we're the most important person in the world and that we deserve everything. How did you not expect us to be selfish? Then you have social media to amplify this 10x and generate armies of NARCISSISTS.

[@RepentAndBelieve1437]

Exactly

[@misaelaguirre1701]

Wth??

[@Rileyed]

Yeah I def don’t need daily notes of love to be happy. I think that’s psychotic. How about a hug and a kiss?

[@georgeelder8415]

True... Perhaps, we can all utilize this knowledge to check our delusional selves... If so, we can all become better people for the sake of humanity?

[@tallspicy]

@@Rileyedyou are not listening. She wants a note, you want a kiss. Same thing, different method. The fact that I need to explain to you that you are not the same person and may receive and give love in different ways is honestly alarming for your ability to be a good partner.

[@beckyshomali]

Just started listening to you. LOVE IT!!! Do you ever discuss the 80/20 rule. Spouse gives you 80 you miss the 20 . Someone else at work or in another situation gives you the 20. Now you have the 100% and you're in love.

[@matthewhowe3727]

"Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus." Excellent book. For those with dogs, does your dog greet you at the door when you come home? Maybe we should do the same for our spouse, I do. This year we'll celebrate twenty-seven years of marriage.

[@loyoladeleon6115]

THAT BOOK HELP AH WHOLE. LOT IN. MY FIRST. JUST. TOOO KEEP THE PEACE🤫

[@rayrwyr]

I don't think writing love notes to a wife who currently disrespects her husband would help.

[@VERITASPUREBLOOD]

never getting married is the solution, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. I've been dating the same girl for 8 years now and I'm happy af, no worries. she leaves, fine, ill get another

[@rayrwyr]

@@VERITASPUREBLOOD -- It is important to have children for the continuation of human species. If you have children with your long term gf, and then breakup, custody conflict will be as difficult as the married case. It is important for the society to ensure children are brought up by both parents. In my experience, it does not work well in split household. I want to put some discipline in kids' lives while they live with me but my ex does not enforce any discipline when they live with her.

[@VERITASPUREBLOOD]

@@rayrwyr can't have kids when the economy is being destroyed

[@rebekahhawkins1318]

It WILL! Promise! Give it 30 days… you give what you want to receive…. Bc I promise if you are feeling disrespected… SO IS SHE

[@rayrwyr]

@@rebekahhawkins1318 -- I guarantee that writing love notes to a disrespectful wife will cause her to vomit in disgust for her husband. She will run away to cheat with any man who is not a simp.

[@Arielleoo]

This is exactly what ended my 5 year relationship, hearing way more positive things from folks outside of my relationship. No reason to stay 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@adiosmiamigo]

Actions speak louder than words. A lot of women get so caught up in verbal communication that they lose sight of the tangible actions taking place around them that demonstrate love or affection. The other mistake a lot of women make is assuming men show love the same way as them. Learn to understand what a man is and you should have better luck next time. Cheers

[@PermanentHigh]

Did he pay the bills? Did he protect you? Did he take you out on dates?

[@honeyfurfarm2182]

​@adiosmiamigo I would say a lot of women, myself included dont value acts of service as much because it doesn't illicit a response from us when a man does domestic duties or his husband duties and a lot of men think that's what that mean and it isn't. Doing things you don't have to will get more of a response than doing things that are just day to day things. Taking out the trash or paying bills is not romantic and honestly it's the bare minimum for a spouse to do male or female. It doesn't take much to impress us past that and I know men don't want to hear that but something that always got me was when a guy would hear music he thought I would like and would share it with me, or go on a nightly walk with me and my dog, or bring home a candy bar from the store because he knows it's my favorite. They're insanely small acts and they really get us going and men like to trivialize it and it's very frustrating. You don't have to spend a ton of money it's about making the other person feel special. Taking out the trash or fixing the cabinet doesn't make me feel special. It just doesn't. Him remembering something about me when he's out or spending time with me is more important.

[@mattmatzner8749]

So a random guy can just say some kind words every time he sees you and that outweighs the cumulative and consistent mountain of actions your man has done for you over five years? I’m glad your ex doesn’t have to waste anymore time with such an ungrateful and silly woman.

[@matejoh]

So many people are missing the point here. Pay attention and be present with people you value. He's not saying there's a guarantee, he's saying increase your chances of relationship success by continuing to date your partner, flirt with them, etc.

[@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027]

Women want 1 rose a day for a year, not 365 roses at once in one special occasion

[@PermanentHigh]

Women always want more than they actually receive. The key is for the man to focus on himself and make of himself the best and most capable version of himself. The woman's attention should be focused on submitting to him and his leadership. Placating to a woman's ever changing moods and feelings is a waste of time. SHE should focus on her man. Man lead women follow. Buying flowers, leaving notes, all that nonsense never works. Women want a man they can admire and submit to. The man has to be THE man. Women's nature is to serve and submit.

[@bodhisattva2348]

​@PermanentHigh so he should focus on himself & she should focus on him as well. 😂 no wonder women leave relationships & the dating market sucks

[@PermanentHigh]

@@bodhisattva2348 Women never talk about their GOOD exes who did everything right. Women will only talk about and go back to the guys that put themselves first, the guys that women consider "assholes". They're not assholes because they're bad guys or have no manners, but they're considered assholes because they didn't bend over backwards for the woman. You could ask a million and one guys, and they would all tell you the same thing. When they did everything they were told to do by the book for women, they got treated the worst by women. A woman's nature is to serve and submit to her man. Her joy comes from pleasing HIM. It does not work vice versa. The relationship will NEVER work if the man is chasing after the woman's love. It simply NEVER works.

[@nonyabusiness1939]

@@bodhisattva2348 and end up with nothing but cats lol

[@muffemod]

@@bodhisattva2348 women need to be in their feminine to receive love, men are there to give love and be masculine.

[@amuiquaye2976]

This man should be a relationship guru. Not like KZbin fake gurus who promote redpill, repill has cost so many marriages to break down.

[@Orlando_Steve]

He is talking 💩. He makes a living off the divorce industry. People are so naive!

[@Princetonian4eva]

@@Orlando_SteveSo providing a service people need that also provides insight into WHERE THINGS WENT WRONG is bad now Question- are you married? Are you s marriage counselor?

[@chattingman6777]

​@Princetonian4eva it wrong the second you got married. The power in the relationship immediately flipped from the man to the women. When divorce attorneys recommend marriage you can tell they are still in scammer mode. Even prenups can be broken.

[@PermanentHigh]

TRP FIXES relationships. What causes marriages to breakdown is blue pill bullshit like this.

[@PermanentHigh]

​@@Princetonian4evaThe insight he's providing is actually not useful. What women say, and what they actually do are always two different things. They will SAY that it's because they didn't get enough "attention", but the truth is that it's so much more than that. Women generally do not reward the guys that shower them with attention and love. The guys that get the most women are masculine men that have developed themselves in multiple areas to create a combination that makes them a superman in comparison to the other man in the area or in the woman's life. Things like masculine frame, physique and fitness, money, status, game, looks, skills etc. Those are the things that keep women attracted and their focus on YOU as the man, the leader. The key to a woman not cheating lies in HER attention not being elsewhere. She should be focused on keeping YOU as the man of her dreams. It's not about you kissing her ass and validating her every 2s to keep her insecurities at bay. The key is to be the fucking man that she simply can't live without and will do anything to KEEP YOU. The focus has to be on YOU for the relationship to work. YOU have to be the object of her desire. You can't bet on the relationship to work if you're prioritizing the more emotional creature of the two of you. Be the man that she simply CAN'T live without, and then it won't matter what you do for her, because she will be so into you and so drawn to your masculinity and presence that other men will be invisible to her. You've seen it in your life, girls doing the ABSOLUTE MOST for guys that simply don't really even care about them like that. You've SEEN it! You've heard those girls yap and complain about how the guy doesn't do this or that, or how he doesn't "communicate well", or how he's such an asshole etc etc, but at the end of the day when it's 1AM and he texts her to come over, she does NOT hesitate to go submit to him and get fucked. You've SEEN it. You sit there wondering "why is she with THAT guy??", it's because that guy has frame and is the man of her dreams. She is SO focused on getting HIS validation that other men are invisible. Other men that tell her how pretty she is, how good she smells, how awesome she is etc. She doesn't care. She only wants that ONE guy! And if that guy even just tells her that she doesn't look ugly today, that comment alone is enough validation to carry her through another 12 months of submitting to him. The key is to increase the value of your validation, so that you don't have to go out of your way to give a lot of it in order to keep her.

[@_JEBUS]

A valuable lesson I've learned as a man is that words are just words. I used to write poetry to my woman and in the end it never mattered. These were a series of words based on the idea of 1 woman. My woman! Lol....and still cheated on. You have to understand that people like the idea if being monogamous but reality is we eventually want something different. Sooner or later.

[@yves-thomasriant5833]

This guy is talking absolutely golden. I don't know how many people are ready to receive what he has to say, but after reading / getting informed and currently in an open couple which could link to possibly more I am deeply impressed by his simple wording and accurate thinking. People coming to him for a divorce end up getting an unexpected life changing counselling

[@Orlando_Steve]

😆😆😆

[@milol3893]

I did this but her love language was not encouraging words. When gave her quality time she proceeded to criticize. Unfortunately for her my love language is encouraging words. Amicably divorced now. With a women who appreciates my encouraging words and it’s awesome.

[@natashaharsh9793]

What was her love language?

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Love language concept is hooey. Your ex was simply done with you.

[@milol3893]

@@natashaharsh9793 quality time

[@milol3893]

@@GUITARTIME2024 you are correct

[@quicknotesmedia9540]

I love when my boyfriend leaves me notes everywhere on his business cards, on my medicine bottles, a card in my sneakers, under my covers that reads “goodnight honey. I love you”, he even writes I love you on mirror, his notes are everywhere and I absolutely appreciate them that I collect them and have a bulletin board in my bedroom so I read and see them as a reminder of his love for me. He goes on a trip and leaves a note says “I’m gonna miss you. I love you.” He’s a high value man and I’m a high value woman. We both own successful businesses. I just created an 8 minute video of us with the so “Until I Found You” and my boyfriend loves it too. We have an amazing relationship. We make a commitment to see each other at 3 days a week. Great confirmation. Thank you. ❤

[@samdl1436]

This guy is really good. Spot on!

[@mariohostios]

Priceless advice. Just smoked all the marriage counseling.

[@nesanfamily1004]

I did this verbally giving positive remarks during my first year of marriage. My NPD sat way on top of that THRONE and trampled me, devalued, ridiculed, and belittled me. Will not work with everyone.

[@kimf5948]

I’ve ALWAYS said this. It’s the little things that I & most women LOVE. I was thinking a $1 card, but a note is less & works JUST as WELL. ❤❤💚💚

[@joshuakaeble7810]

What kind of emotionally insecure child of an adult needs to be told that they're pretty or handsome every day? That's just ridiculous if you ask me. If that's what people are after in a marriage, just get a dog. I'm not into being into a relationship at all! I don't want to live with someone who I need to come to to make me feel validated so that I can get through the day. If this is you, I think you need to grow up and grow a pair.

[@christins.1481]

Thank you! I'm married 22 years. My husband has NEVER told me I look gorgeous. I would be uncomfortable if he did. Instead, it's what clothes look better on you. Now we did the note thing for years but that was when it costed a fortune to text. Now we randomly text "I love you", or other bed conversations throughout the day.

[@simonmccamus7817]

James Sexton is amazing I gotta read his book. This is sound advice I’m sure every couple would benefit from hearing.

[@spyritwind2540]

The reason why it's easy for the guy at work to give your woman compliments is because he just wants to get laid and he hasn't had to put up with her sh!t at home for years and pay her bills. The same idea is true for a man. Women at work flirt with you and your partner at home hasn't said thank you for working hard and paying bills for the past ten years. It's always easy to be the person on the outside.

[@tallspicy]

I doubt very much that your wife thinks you are a great husband either. It is a two way street and a team.

[@Aggressive_architect]

You seem extra bitter for "paying bills", if you have children that’s how the things are, and if not you should have discussed it and be congruent and flexible with the way you decided to manage family finances pre-during children. To be honest you seem immature and angry at your wife, but you simply lacked communication and conflict resolution skills to state your needs and now you are resentful due to that. Like you clearly don’t see how you are a big part of a problem

[@jp5419]

Chances are she’s been working in the home… raising the kids? That’s work. Why in America it’s not viewed as such is sad and needs to change. Scandinavian countries get this and women have job protection. USA is so behind in many ways.

[@libragoddessauset3078]

he really dropping some gems here

[@nicholerubes2959]

I would add to it. If you are not comfortable with notes then do something else small and meaningful. Like have a cup of coffee ready for them in the morning. Or send flowers once or every other week. Bring home chocolates on the weekends. If words are not something for you use a small action that tells your partner what they mean to you before work or whatever

[@PermanentHigh]

Ridiculous. Nobody has time for that. The woman's attention should be on her man. That's the only way the relationship can work. It's not about supplicating to the woman's emotions and insecurities. The man must forge himself into the most exceptional version of himself in order for the woman to have a strong desire to submit and serve him. Women's emotions are fickle and change by the second. They're unreliable. The man must focus on his personal development so that the woman can feel safe knowing that she has the BEST man she could ever get in her life. If the woman's attention is not on her man, she will wander off, because again, women's emotions are VERY fickle.

[@nicholerubes2959]

@@PermanentHigh whats Ridicoulous is thinking any woman wants to waste her time on you. And no your idea is BS. Women should only serve men for basically nothing? Just wait and be a pet for abousetly nothing? Not even a note? No wonder you are single.

[@nicholerubes2959]

@@PermanentHigh I know plenty of marriages where 1 the wife does not just submit. 2 the couple show affention in some way shspe or form. These marriages last. The kind you want are not marriages. Theyare slavery where you free load while your wife does everything for nothing. Nobody wants that. Nobody goes into a marriage expecting Nothing. If you cannot provide anything and expect everything for free? Then you will end up lonely. No one needs a bratty child like you for a husband get lost

[@m.bird.]

​@@PermanentHighwhat a load of shit

[@briobarb8525]

​@@m.bird.I couldn't have said that better!

[@seanl904]

Only if you’re in a relatively good place in the relationship. Won’t help if she’s on her way out. Been down this road.

[@stokeman363]

After watching this marriage and relationships are too much work for a little bit of reward...and there no guarentees ill pass

[@Orlando_Steve]

Indeed. Due to women's hypergamy you can do everything for her and she will leave you for a guy that beats the crap out her.

[@natashaharsh9793]

That's because it's not about happiness.

[@PermanentHigh]

​@@natashaharsh9793Tell that to American women.

[@Maynardd]

Two things, if my wife was Conversing with a man at work, and that man was to the point he was feeling comfortable enough he could tell a married woman how pretty she is, and that was putting a smile on her face, and if she’s on Instagram accepting messages from men telling her how pretty she is, this woman would not be my wife!

[@YeahMikey]

Notes don’t help. I’ve tried this before.

[@dormandavis2767]

I was married 30 years to the same woman she died of Covid, but her alcoholism played a big role in it. I have been told by a lot of people I could’ve divorced her for her alcohol but I’m sorry but once I put a ring on that finger, I was devoted till deathand I think God would like that now that she has past two years ago I found someone else and I’m going to do the same thing but she does not drink

[@natashaharsh9793]

Too bad others don't see who we really should please first in our marriages.

[@PermanentHigh]

There's no glory in making yourself a martyr for other people. What would you have done if she was prostituting herself on the side behind your back? Stay with her too?

[@PermanentHigh]

​@@natashaharsh9793It's always the man. The woman has to please the man. That's why it's important for women to pick well and to not make themselves available to men that they don't admire.

[@natashaharsh9793]

@@PermanentHigh ... It's God we have to please.

[@PermanentHigh]

@@natashaharsh9793 No. You please your man who pleases God. A woman's relationship to God is through her man. It's God, man, THEN woman.

[@tenforward7485]

Note for interest: if you read the relationship advice for women in the 40s 50s 60s on how to create a great relationship with 6:38 their husband the advice is very similar. Fast forward to 2020s and the roles are reversed. Women used to be grateful for their husband and realised they had to show it, now it’s the man who is expected to be grateful and show it or the woman becomes resentful and bitter. Interesting how everything moves in cycles.

[@chattingman6777]

Bro their are reasons to never get married and your paragraph covers all of it. The husband is expected to cover everything and still has to coddle the wife. Thats pathetic your admitting they are worse than they were in the past.

[@omerfarukkaratas2742]

The Prophet Muhammad (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you"

[@bigkev1773]

Men just don’t get married if you’re past 40.

[@dustinmiller2775]

"It's the thought that counts"

[@foreverstrong8588]

This will only be effective if it is reciprocated. And unfortunately.. that doesn't tend to be the majority of cases.

[@joneno1820]

Divorce attorney? You are a life coach.

[@nsiebenmor]

Notes only work if she also loves you.

[@ST-rj8iu]

As a woman, to me it is actions. I would rather have help with the laundry than a note. Women want to be seen, heard, and respected just like men.

[@nonyabusiness1939]

Women, I tell ya. Got a machine to wash. A machine to dry and she still wants help. God don't make em like he use to.

[@ST-rj8iu]

@@nonyabusiness1939 but you refuse to do laundry when she pays half of your bills? 🤡🤡

[@ST-rj8iu]

@@nonyabusiness1939 I guess you will just have to do it yourself.

[@nonyabusiness1939]

@@ST-rj8iu can't remember the last time I did it myself. That's what women and kids are for.

[@LivingTithe]

Awe I love that. Kindness

[@MicheleNerio]

Love these vids! I think some ppl aren't cut out for monogamy. Very true. But don't expect to have your cake and eat it too. One can't expect the benefits of a relationship while behaving as a single man/woman. Be up front and be prepared to pay the price for what you want - freedom w/o a monogamous relationship or having an "open" relationship where the other partner has those same freedoms or forfeit sleeping around for the benefits of a committed relationship. Honesty and being willing to pay for what you want is the right thing to do.

[@chirondawn2966]

Ive been married for 12 years and our sexual intimacy has just gotten better and better and we are both confident and comfortable trying new things so I dont understand how other couples with longevity are not having mind blowing sex with their spouse and having fun together. That just makes me sad.

[@adamrocks529]

I used to write love letters to an ex-girlfriend and send them to her in the mail. She apparently still tells people about it.

[@mikinunny1826]

Where is he located. He is direct. I need to hire him.

[@heithdmohler]

Hes right on.

[@paul-danielgruber8571]

I’m trying to figure out a paradox of him saying that the hard things are almost always the right things and vice versa. I compare this saying to teachings of the Tao, where it appears to me that you should choose a path of non-resistance. But probably there is not really a contradiction. Because you can do great things effortlessly. The question is probably more, how to do the “hard” things effortlessly. How to change your attitude towards it. Just some food for thought. Happy to hear all your thoughts on this.

[@ephemer7942]

And Daoism conveys there is no absolute (principle).

[@lsporter88]

He makes sense. Great video.

[@stringerbellholloway2888]

James is so wise

[@sporkybutterz]

A majority of people have no business getting married. The majority of selection of mate quality on both sides is terrible these days.

[@georgesontag2192]

I received a nice bonus one year and brough home red roses to my wife. I did it unexpectedly. She got mad and said i was cheating. 4 months later, she filed for divorce. When a woman switches it off, it cannot be switched back on. Thats why a pre nup is mandatory.

[@seano5112]

She was probably the one cheating.

[@MrMotivation247]

At 57 with a divorce and a couple of long term relationships his advise is spot on. Corporate America is the biggest hook up. I see married people flirt and get hit on while at work for 7 to 9 hours a day. I don't date anyone I work with. If you're in a relationship I recommend trying his advice.

[@574104]

Just did a note as I was listening to James 😊😊😊

[@annabanzon313]

So practical n so easy

[@npkrn6764]

I'm a woman and I'd say this goes for women also. It's a two-way street. As a woman, I don't expect more than I also give. A kind compliment and a show of true appreciation do go very far. But unfortunately, men and women are wired differently. Men tend to be goal oriented and then lose interest or lack the awareness that the level of effort they may have put into a relationship or marriage in the beginning needs to continue. But women get complacent too - albeit maybe for different reasons. I think men and women want the same things in general, but our thought processes are quite different - and thats where things fail. Also, at the risk of sounding cliche, times are different than my grandparent's generation and I'm not sure expecting someone to not change drastically from 20 - 40 - age 60 is realistic. I'd guess most change happens in the 20s so I didn't even consider marriage until 30. That's my advice to young adults. Many marriages fail because people get married before they even know themselves fully or have achieved anything, or have worked out any childhood BS, and that's just a recipe for disaster.

[@rayrwyr]

Most marriages fail because the wife gets bored after 7-10 years. From marriage, woman expects safety, lifestyle, satisfaction of her emotional needs which includes feeling "in love", excitment, fun. It is impossible for her get her emotional needs satisfied consistently over time. So she gets bored. For men, the expectation from marriage is low. He just wants to be in an acceptable level of misery. When misery goes up, he just increases his acceptance level until it becomes unbearable for him. If you ask the wife: "is your marriage happy?" She answers yes only if she feels happy. If you ask the husband: "is your marriage happy?" He answers yes only if he thinks his wife feels happy. Both husband and wife think that to make the marriage happy all that is needed is: he needs keep her happy. If she cheats, then it is his fault because he failed to to her happy. If he cheats, then he is a trash.

[@laurenbatson5918]

Men want respect, women want security. Each want other things, too. But generally speaking, those are the most fundamental need of each.

[@prettybrwneyez7757]

@@rayrwyrAcceptable form of misery 😂. Glad I’m staying single forever

[@onethree123d]

@@rayrwyr This is why women divorce first because men are okay living in misery its like a relationship is better than nothing then blame the women for the high divorce rate when men probably won't divorce even if they get absolutely nothing out of the marraige women aren't insane for wasting away their life and men don't understand the value of their life. Absolutely wild.

[@onethree123d]

@@prettybrwneyez7757 Absolutely crazy I tell you they're the true masochist not women

[@matthewhowe3727]

I have a friend who had an affair. Her husband was very matter-of-fact and took her for granted. Dinner was expected, taking care of the kids was expected, taking care of herself was expected and according to her he rarely complimented he. She had a male friend who did give her compliments....

[@SKBottom]

How did that work out for her?

[@matthewhowe3727]

@@SKBottom She remarried.

[@Chambermenz]

@@matthewhowe3727 i love that for her

[@chattingman6777]

So the husband was doing everything and the wife let a Chad hit. Typical. Why did he marry a thot absolutely no accountability immediately blaming the husband for thotish behavior.

[@PermanentHigh]

​@@matthewhowe3727And how's that going?

[@absolute3112]

..and this why 'lonely man' is now an epidemic. Men so severely verbalize appreciation to their wmn. Wmn fall in love with words, then actions that reconfirm those words.

[@m.bird.]

I fall in love with actions first. I'm suspicious of words until I see verifiable actions.

[@kimf5948]

True, be honest to yourself. “play your song in your room.” lol

[@benhartart9487]

The #1 Mistake men make in Relationships, is getting into the relationship in the first place. Btw I left notes, and small little picture drawings for her for years and gave her flowers etc, did all your meant too do, she left me 12 years later 😂

[@bg8753]

It really comes down to the female mindset. Women have the mind of children and with social media what it is today, they are always chasing the tingles of the new guy. Sure, a guy might sleep with another woman, but it’s very unlikely that he will leave his wife if they have a good relationship. A woman, on the other hand, will often have a good man, but simply want to try for a better guy. I don’t see how this changes as long as women are walking around with infidelity machines in their pocket (i.e., a phone with Instagram on it).

[@villaespesa1]

He means well, and he is obviously smart, but in this instance, the good lawyer is wrong. The issue with modern women is precisely pedestalizing . This won't make things better. I know this. I tried it years ago. There is one thing I did learn from it, though. It made ME more invested. It made ME fall in love more. It worked in me ,but not on her. So, in a way, it made it harder, more painful when everything ended in divorce. Now, if the woman started to do this instead, I think it would work. The reason is that men are innately the romantics of the two genders. We would be receptive to this.

[@skdjirrrdjdm3926]

"Modern Women" is a buzzword that andrew Tate fans use. Why do so many red pillers flock to these kinds of videos? Is there not enough new, bitter content being churned out on the toxic side of the manosphere?

[@villaespesa1]

@@skdjirrrdjdm3926 That's because today's women are nothing like the women of the greatest generation. This has nothing to do with a particular personality. Just see with your own eyes and use your deductive reasoning. It is all too obvious. Most men are not better either. Don't get it twisted.

[@ephraimakoto3657]

It is true when the woman does this, it is better. Being romantic to your woman reduces her effort.

[@erockvaughn2190]

I leave a note and have been leaving a secret note on the back of that note at times, that she has to hunt for. So every now and then she has to have a treasure hunt to find love notes. Then at the end I say something funny she would not expect. 30 years later she is still here despite all my GF's in between. I am the worst and she is the best.

[@Ohmaryy]

Perfectly said.

[@JohnBeezy3]

I’m not going to say this is bad advice, but it’s not even close to the number one thing. All the love notes in the world won’t matter if she doesn’t respect you. How do you keep her respecting you? 1) Never get to comfortable. If a woman thinks for a second that you would never leave her under any circumstances, you’re toast. She will lose attraction. 2) Be the leader and never ever let her disrespect you. Especially not in public. If she does, you’re toast again. 3) Have hobbies or at the very least, don’t try to spend all of your free time with her. She will get repulsed.

[@mtc-j9i]

The first one is a terrible conclusion! You can use these on a narcissistic woman to keep her attention. But if you ever came across a good woman, you would lose her with all this.

[@JohnBeezy3]

@@mtc-j9iIt’s the exact opposite actually. And you can’t be dumb enough to tell her these. You have to keep them to yourself.

[@bapparawal2457]

You can't look at women like another human being. You are toast You don't remember to provide them with emotional security of being 100%. You are toast. You make everything a ego trip. You are toast.

[@SummaGirl1347]

The love of my life wrote lots of kind, loving, effusive notes throughout our relationship. Unfortunately, he sent them to his "ex", not to me.

[@benhartart9487]

I have been with my gf for 2 years and never give her compliments, keeps her guessing your stance, keeps them keen trust me men.

[@nopeno6514]

This lawyer reminds me George Clooney playing Miles Massey a divorce attorney on the movie Intolerable Cruelty.

[@okigi-wo5zm]

Best advice is to man up.

[@mihaialecsandru]

True, the best adice, right here!

[@mariannepfly1906]

The notes thing is a KEY thing. Weird amount of happiness or Freude from them (me and my husband ).

[@bedroo222222]

because once you start putting her on a pedestal, she loses respect and attraction. It's a lose lose game.

[@lmb4876]

Not necessarily

[@emma58242]

I think that’s how my husband thinks and marriage has been so hard for me because of this. I feel whatever I do it’s never enough for him because it’s like I’m expected to do it so why compliment me? It’s very disheartening and not feel valued to the point that I started not feeling respect or care for him anymore

[@bedroo222222]

@@emma58242 Putting a woman on a pedestal and showing appreciation are two different things. I'm talking about being a yes man or a people pleaser. It's a turn off for women.

[@ashtonpatrice6137]

@@bedroo222222ok that’s not what he’s talking about though…

[@misaelaguirre1701]

That's aka as a simp, a yes!! Man 😅 yea you had it coming brother

[@33Jenesis]

Notes don’t really work for me. I’d rather see action like spending time together, planning for future, saving $ for a common goal etc.. spoken and written words are worth nothing without action to back it up.

[@mrChinoLynn]

Why would a lawyer ask his client why did you cheat

[@ashtonpatrice6137]

He said he doesn’t ask

[@clemleske1454]

I do hope there’s also a video “…. mistakes most women make in relationships”

[@Chambermenz]

Why? Is it too hard for you to just sit with how men could do better for 5 minutes? lol

[@bicmitchum1368]

​@@Chambermenz have you seen the modern women, nobody needs to be better for that or even respect that, it's the other way around

[@Chambermenz]

@@bicmitchum1368 so no need to make another video then. we both know modern males aren't worth respect or improving for. Women would rather have pets, they're more loyal.

[@GodHelpMe369]

It’s hard to explain. It’s almost like Stockholm Syndrome (where the captive ends up loving their captor). The difference is... In the beginning the avoidant love bombs and says things to reel you into them... It’s a subtle knowledge in your gut that something is wrong with them, but... The more fun adventures and the more affection and the more quality time spent... You get blinded...

[@nightrider3067]

I knew a guy who left notes all the time. I saw them as I was walking out the door. So don't believe that shit lol

[@CAHOBBES]

I highly disagree with each party NOT feeling or being fulfilled sexually is a reason for divorce. For most men, yes, they want sex every waking hour, for most women, NO, they want love and affection, to hugged and held and made to feel loved and secure. When a husband does that for his wife, without the expectation of sex, she would have as much sex with him and he wants.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Men don't want sex that often. What we want is a woman's genuine desire and enthusiasm in bed.

[@MaxsMom-bv6hf]

EXACTLY!!!!!!

[@FlimsyMoon-ju4do]

Yes, It costs nothing and It makes miracles.

[@aarondashiell3488]

Why would you do that? Remember guys she’s never yours it’s just your turn! Do you think she will write anything to you? Who cares what she thinks! Make your money and don’t care what they think!!

[@youview5023]

I understand how important this is, and the significance of small things, but I also realize, how low the self-esteem of many people has become and how much reassurance folks need nowadays vs. say, 50 years ago, but I guess it's because it was such a different time..... until there is a cure for 'human nature' maybe this will always be a challenge... I do believe in people being together, but it seems marriage is an outdated tradition based on ancient rituals...?

[@conspiracytherapist1869]

I’d rather stay single 😂😂😂😂

[@bodhisattva2348]

Ok

[@Ajax-yz4vb]

Yeah, no responsibility needed to stay single. But a helleva lot of work to have a shot at great connection.

[@NEWYORKSTATEOFMIND-e1s]

That note 💩 will work for about a month then when it hits the fan she will say you don't know how to communicate verbally,you don't know how to express yourself you don't talk to me he's a lawyer his wife for the most part is cooperative see some guys feel they have to do these things he's a lawyer I guarantee you whether he does or not he doesn't have to

[@tizzlekizzle]

For a healthy woman capable of attachment and emotionally available this is ok advice. But for the new models they are putting out this will produce the opposite outcome.

[@enjoyevan]

Relationships are way too gynocentric as it is

[@Bobby_Digital37]

I’m all for positive words of affirmation if they are deserved. But sometimes they are not, it is just lip service to artificially make someone feel good about themselves because they are empty inside and have no self esteem. I can’t lie and tell a woman something about her I really don’t mean. Also I can’t compete with her office husband who is just trying to get in her pants 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@marcoi7035]

didnt work for me i did that when i was 20

[@ancientmeww]

I love James awesome wisdom ❤

[@boomersD9CAT]

Divorced for 25 years now. I’m 60 years old and my GF of 6 years wants to get married (putting the pressure on me) I’m 3-5 months out from selling my businesses to a PE firm, which will hopefully double my net worth. I’m thinking monthly payments vs getting married (she’s *56 years old* and wants to retire) 🤔

[@mattc3510]

Do not marry that’s ONLY for her benefit. Waste of time save your wealth

[@jakeforrest]

Put her in your will - then she will be economical safe if you pass away first. (And tell her, that having her in your will is like a marriage to you) Benefits: If you split up before death do you part, you can just erase her from your will, without splitting your fortune in two ….

[@Chambermenz]

If you don't want to marry her-- don't. It could lead to you feeling resentment if you do and resentment leads to the d word.

[@unpredictable244]

If you don't want to marry her then leave her alone. That's selfish. OF her desire is to be married then she needs to be with someone who desires .marriage

[@boomersD9CAT]

@@jakeforrest That’s exactly what an attorney friend of mine suggested. Thank you for sharing your advice, I really appreciate that !

[@vfunkeraable]

Constantly complimenting or leaving notes eventually makes it an the norm and an expectation. Scarcity creates value. They should earn it, it’s not a handout

[@ruthlessreid9172]

Jesus, i didnt know i had to be Tony Robbins in the 3rd quarter.

[@Jc-ei7hz]

What does a guy do when he says to his wife/ girlfriend that she pretty and she turns around and says that your wrong.

[@MrWaterbugdesign]

Yup women love attention, no question. More, more and more attention. And after a decade or so you're so sick of pumping up her ego and getting nothing back you go looking for some attention for yourself. The "cost" is spoiling a partner = a spoiled partner who can never be happy.

[@RAJOHN-ke7mc]

So you chose not to listen to what he said. He literally said the man who wrote the letter had better sex. Yall just dont like women so then go be with men.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@RAJOHN-ke7mc what he is saying is this only works for so long. You can't do this all the time or else it will no longer be "special" to her and eventually she will just expect it, then get pissed if you don't kiss her ass every hour of the day. This type of treatment should happen periodically but not every single day because when you treat a woman like a queen, she treats you like a peasant. You need to still demand respect and reciprocation from her.