DNA Testing, Sperm Donor Anonymity and Me ¦ BBC Stories

[@samson2521]

I was a annonymous donor in the early 90s and recently had a dna test whilst tracing my family tree. The last thing i expected to find was to find a child from my donations was going to pop up. Since then i have discovered their are another 6. I have made contact with the one i had a match with and we have talked by email many times since. I have embraced the news and really glad i made contact.

[@DOLfirst]

If you were a donor, why would it be the last thing you expected? 🤷🏻

[@jasminespencer2872]

@@DOLfirst they probably forgot

[@pattskatoey3139]

I would hate not knowing who my father was but I respect the fact that some donors may want to be anonymous.

[@Squishy-ho7zd]

And open donors aren’t always the greatest

[@jacobwilliams5271]

Why are they all blaming the donor and not the mothers that chose to use the donors

[@doctordarcy8385]

I think it's a valid "blame." The donor is the person who willingly gave up their gametes to be utilized for conception, in an anonymous manner. Blaming people for attempting to treat their fertility problems (or in this case, a woman who hadn't met a suitable partner) is ableist to me. People should be able to build families, if they are in need of help, IMO.

[@RebeccaWilcox-f1y]

That's what adoption is for. As for sperm recipients, they have a choice to adopt rather than play Russian roulette with frozen sperm. ALL the responsibility is on the receivers of the GIFT. Gift-givers are not obligated in any way shape or form no matter how curious a child is. Donors are under no obligation to ease a need or curiosity of a child they never intended to know. It may be a hard pill to swallow but it's a fact. Their child's emotional need for that connection is something recipients need to consider before going down the path of insemination/fertilization.@@doctordarcy8385

[@billhitchens7561]

I wonder if people who donate have really considered the consequences for the child they’re partly creating. Growing up wishing you knew one of your biological parents must be hard 😔 like the lady in this show, it’s a natural instinct to want to know where you come from.

[@alexandreathompson3040]

There are many instances in life where the child does not know one or both biological parents. As an IVF baby myself from an anonymous donor, I can say I have always wondered what he looks like and what he is doing but it has not negatively affected me as I have a very loving family who wanted me without them anyway.

[@billhitchens7561]

Alexandrea Thompson there are indeed lots of instances where one doesn’t know one of their biological parents. Death of a parent or a relationship breakdown between parents etc. But should we deliberately create situations where the child can’t know their parent? This is a different thing altogether, and perhaps doesn’t have the children’s best interest at the centre.

[@alexandreathompson3040]

Bill Hitchens again, agree to disagree! I have two parents even though I do not know my biological father.

[@brionyfrater4279]

I feel like if people are going to use donors of any kind they should us ones who aren't anonymous.

[@Chaotic_Monk43]

@@billhitchens7561 I think it's more of a case of whether the donors should be allowed to be anonymous. As an IVF baby born in 98, I can only find out very basic information as a guarantee, whereas, in my view, I should have the option readily available to be able to reach out at the very least. (I'm not saying donors are obligated to be a part of their kids life, just that they should always have been identifiable.)

[@corinnec7311]

What happens when she finds out the phone number of the sperm donor and he tells her not to call and leave him alone? I think we have the right to information that pertains to us (medical/important genetic info) but this donor can’t be forced into talking to her or form some sort of relationship. I feel for her and her situation, she clearly feels she needs some information but she may not get it

[@chadcadsonvii5258]

Your mistake is in thinking that men have rights or are even taken into consideration when it comes to children and family.

[@johnevans2352]

You dont know unless you ask. DC people have just as much right to ask as donors have to tell them to go away and not contact them again.

[@RebeccaWilcox-f1y]

No. They don't have a right to invade a person's emotional space, mental well-being by reaching out when he never wanted it. That's the purpose of being anonymous and it's the chance her mother/parents took when they chose that route . It's the clinic's responsibility to provide necessary medical information and the parent(s) responsibility to advocate for the information BEFORE being starting the process. The donor was just that, someone who chose to donate sperm for whatever reason (money, generosity etc.,). @@johnevans2352

[@scully8950]

Due to reasons like this in my country it's prohibited to sell these DNA test kits. The law guarantees total anonymity for all those who give their children up for adoption and prohibits the disclosure of information in cases of adoption decided by the court. Anyone who discloses personal information of this type may incur a civil and criminal case by the exposed persons. Furthermore, these searches can give very unpleasant results. In my country some time ago an adopted woman was looking for her natural mother and asked for help from a TV show. They managed to find the mother, but she refused all contact with her daughter and refused to let her name be disclosed. The show could not reveal the mother's name to the daughter, but she didn't give up and commissioned a lawyer to deliver a letter to the woman through the production of the show. A few days later a lawyer appointed by her natural mother made a public statement in which the woman reiterated that she did not want to have contact with her daughter and a court had ordered that no one could contact her or disclose her name to anyone, otherwise the law would have intervened with heavy penalties on everyone involved, including lawyers and journalists, the person who had revealed the woman's identity to the production of the TV show, whoever worked on that show, the TV station and the daughter herself, who was ordered to stop asking information about his natural mother. Since then that story has ended in oblivion because the law on the right to anonymity of natural parents is very serious and any pregnant woman must have the certainty that she can give her child up for adoption without her name becoming public. Since this law has existed, both abortions and cases of children abandoned on the street to die have decreased dramatically, so it's protected and guaranteed in every way.

[@DW94576]

Wow that seems highly unethical especially since other countries are making laws that are literally the exact opposite, and board certified psychologists agree that it's traumatic for children not to be able to at least have an idea of where their genetics come from.

[@sissyrayself7508]

I am SOOOO glad I do not live in your country.

[@maddiem1918]

People are saying how it’s unfair for the donors who donated anonymously to be found with DNA testing, but when you do one of those tests you know what you are doing in relation to past events. As well as this, people are saying it’s unfair to the donor, but what about the child. As someone who is donor-conceived I would love to find who helped my parents but I would never pursue the relationship as I am aware the donation was anonymous (unless they wanted to keep in contact). Also the possibility of having more siblings who are like me is a very exciting thought.

[@ineedmedsk5441]

Nope. It comes with the deal. It's fucking crazy infuriating for you, but he probably only did it for a quick buck, not really carrying for what would happen 18 years later.

[@andrewcart8117]

Maddie Morris How about donors with wives, husbands, and children , that they never told they donated sperm years ago to? Also, would these men have/will still donated without anonymity? Also, anonymity is a factor for some women putting kids up for adoption and not having an abortion.

[@Nicktuck333]

There is no thought for the offspring with anonymous donor conceived. The parents get a family, the donor and clinic get the money and the children are left with questions.

[@AndukeMTGEDH]

I feel for her curiosity, but she isn't even considering that he donated anonymously. If he hadn't, she wouldn't be here. Respect his choice

[@ashleymitts]

No darling. Things change. Some donors end up changing their minds and want contact. I begin DC myself know. After finding my donor we know have an email relationship that will hopefully turn into meeting in person

[@anonimushbosh]

Life ain’t black & white. You know that, so why just blurt out the first thing that comes out?

[@DW94576]

www.stitcher.com/s?eid=60371250&refid=asa I highly suggest listening to this podcast for a healthy dose of the ethics behind what you're defending.

[@RebeccaWilcox-f1y]

If we respect a woman's right to choose to abort a child (without the father's consent) we have to respect the right of a man to donate his sperm without being contacted years later without his consent. One choice takes life, and the other gives life. The laws should respect both.@@ashleymitts

[@19Cai]

She explicitly does consider that, it's just that she feels she has a right to know the identity of her biological parent.

[@Wearywillie-x5t]

Should the doner also have the right to know the details of the child? If the right to anonymity can be removed, can the doner be made to pay child maintenance? Can the doner apply for custody? Once the original contract is torn up, where does it end?

[@johannadayy4770]

Thought I saw you on trailer..guess not. So I'm worried may take u too long to talk to warden. I'm gonna call and ask him few questions

[@kiniarobik8429]

So sad for her . She does not know her farther

[@Squishy-ho7zd]

Donor not dad

[@Squishy-ho7zd]

Or bio dad

[@Matea-y2o]

Sperm jerker in cup

[@UnofficialClipper]

In the case of 8 month old Natasha, you are NOT the father!!!!!!!!!!!

[@ivannightly1919]

you dont have conflicting rights you promised donors the information was private. that said a notice board of sorts could easily be made where children who had doners expressed interest in knowing them and a note sent to that person so they had the option to accept. Peoples views change with time so who knows. DNA for profit in the end will allow people to find others anyway

[@AlanWattResistance]

Pure selfishness. Using kids like they're an experiment, utterly demonic.

[@alexandreathompson3040]

As an IVF child myself, I am thankful my family could have me this way. I am healthy and very loved. It must be hard to have such a small mind to not see the possibility of love and happiness coming from this technology

[@AlanWattResistance]

@@alexandreathompson3040 Fathers matter.

[@alexandreathompson3040]

AWResistance I never made the statement that fathers didn’t matter. But not everyone has a father and it’s ok!

[@AlanWattResistance]

@@alexandreathompson3040 Yes, but every child _should_ have a father.

[@alexandreathompson3040]

AWResistance I can respect your opinion even though I do not agree, at all.

[@rahulraj-kp3en]

Mam i also donate sperm