Do Narcissists Get Their Karma ? - LIVE EVENT

[@clairebearie87]

I don't care about karma. I'm not vindictive like they have been. All I want is that junk out of my life.

[@melissagreen_]

The day I knew I had 'won' against the narc, was the day I thought 'I wish the best for you in your life and I hope you are happy and find healing' and I genuinely MEANT it from my heart, because I had completely detached and no longer cared, I only cared about my own life and staying in my own power. I had always heard about forgiveness, but I finally understand just how powerful and healing it truly is.

[@rachaeldjordjevic5415]

They are demons. Human beings have a heart and a soul and are not capable of evil. xoxo luv u Mels💙🐾

[@lisatroni677]

Why am I stuck in this victim mindset and why can’t I stand up to the narc ,is that trauma bond ? Am I a coward ?

[@evelynmcnamara1308]

The most amazing thing has happened to my daughter,as you said the changes that I have made translated to my daughter. She has flushed out a narcissist co worker who on a night out tried to spike her drink.She stood up the her ,exposed her ,and then blocked her an all social media.She completely owned her own power.Never before was she so strong.I truly feel that my new strength thas rubbed off on her.thank you Melanie. X

[@crencottrell7849]

Narcs DO get their karma, but we won't get the pleasure of seeing it and we shouldn't be waiting at some point to 1st hand see it. Part of WHY I ruminated for so long regarding certain narcs was due to hoping something bad would happen to me, and I'd get to see it/hear about it. That type of thinking is wrong and immature. What has helped me no longer desire that is going NO contact and just moving on with my life ☺

[@reesedaniel5835]

"My eye also has seen my desire on my enemies; My ears hear my desire on the wicked Who rise up against me." Psalm 92:11 "A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes shall you look, and see the reward of the wicked." Psalm 91:7 "The righteous shall rejoice when he sees the vengeance of the ungodly: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked." Psalm 58:10 "The Lord will fulfil the desire of them that fear Him: He also will hear their cry, and will save them. The Lord preserveth all them that love Him: but all the wicked will He destroy." Psalm 145:19-20

[@carriedillmann4455]

My God! I’m going to finally throw away all my photos of him , my wedding album, vacation photos and his cards this weekend Independent day for America and me !! Thank you!!

[@crencottrell7849]

@@carriedillmann4455 that's all you can do Ms. Carrie; hang in there 😉

[@GypsyMaeRose]

It was the same for me; I held on for such a long time hoping to see him get his karma, but I realised in the end that I was only harming myself.

[@uksanaHus8221]

If I hadnt gone through narcissistic abuse, I wouldnt have believed or even understood any of this video. Would have thought this lady is nuts. Once you have suffered Narcissistic abuse, stuff like this is just light bulb moments. You wake up and smell the coffee and finally everything adds up. These channels helped me so much. Every sentence makes sense. Have come so far cos of what I learnt through channels like Melanie's. The inner work is hard and takes time. But it's worth it. Peace.

[@Muchesia-Sylvia]

It's interesting that I got so much relief from listening to this. Thank you Melanie.

[@HellasGD88]

Demons can't ever be at peace.

[@gemimiag5504]

Thank you Melanie. To everyone on their journey towards healing I wish you well and to those at home with true self I applaud you. Sending blessings to all ❤️

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

I'm watching my mother get her karma now. It's very sad. No one in the family speaks to her and people that were her "friends" are starting to look at her strange like ... 🤔 Hmmm maybe something is wrong with her not her kids.

[@azorian888]

The damage is nuts

[@peterknyk1942]

What a wonderful way to spend the first evening of summer! ☀️Thank you so much Melanie! I loved your explanation about karma! I hope you have a good summer for yourself! Love ❤️🦋❤️

[@dawnemile4974]

I tried to really understand a narcissist while associating with them and it was mentally harmful. Best to understand them from a distance.

[@Sherry1092]

This is EXACTLY how it went down with me and the narc in my journey. Karma is real.

[@aNnAkt1qw]

When you know and stand in your truth, you dont need karma..... its true. I am a Narper of two years. I found Mel after a week of the discard. What a journey its is. 🌷🙏🦋💟 "Lead with love not hate" and your children will follow. One day....... one day you will understand all of it. Good luck everyone. Mel as always you are amazing 💞💫🌹🦋add to this i was a co dependant..... addicted to people FOR VALIDATION i was programmed from child hood. I now validate myself....... and say NO. You do flush narcs out with this one word 😉💞

[@agoogleuserblootet5111]

When they recieve Karma, they just go into Narc Overdrive and Victim Mode...........and because of ignorance and lack of understanding of Narcissism.........they have a never ending supply at hand.

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

100% true!!

[@khatcher8699]

It does no good like we would expect

[@khatcher8699]

We never win. They always seem to get over and win

[@sarahfulcher3394]

Oh thank you! What a good subject. It’s just not fare, how predatory they are

[@emmad.176]

Still trying to work my way towards forgiveness after a year and a half of no contact and using NARP. These videos help too. I'm not perfect but I know whatever has been said about me is exaggerated. Look forward to the point where I can forgive and be at peace and the justice starts flowing :)

[@jennymac1116]

They do. They get it everyday. Not a moment’s peace, a day’s rest or a night’s sleep. But how do we break the idea that they feel entitled to us? That we’re their property and belong to them? Which module works for that? And thanks for not insulting our intelligence about some of the nasty, disgusting things we’ve been harmed by as a result of all of this abuse by toxic narcissistic strangers even

[@StompMom5]

Completely agree. I was married to that for 20 years 🤦

[@clairebearie87]

How did you keep your sanity? 3 years and I was just about dead

[@jennymac1116]

@@clairebearie87 Because marriage is still a choice. Imagine being savagely beaten by complete and total strangers and you have no choice. They simply think that because of your race you have no choice except to accept their savagery. She still had a choice to be there and felt she was in love. BW don't get a choice. Everybody in the world thinks and believes they can abuse us and get away with it. And you know what? They can sadly. That's why our faith is so strong that God will right wrongs.

[@clairebearie87]

How did you manage Carina?

[@clairebearie87]

Jenny I'm very sorry to hear that. What can we do to change that? God will right all the wrongs one day. Everyone will come before His judgement seat and will be asked to give account for everything we have done

[@carriedillmann4455]

I was co dependent but I didn’t know it until he left me for his new supply , his ex wife These videos saved my mental health Thank you!!!

[@lamata2013]

I understand why now, Mel. I would have NEVER become the person that I truly am inside without the narcissist busting up all of the illusions and forcing me to heal my pain. I am stubborn and clung to my outrage and pain even after starting NARP, but I learned to use that to help me heal powerfully. Who I am now was my wish list for empowerment when I was a child! Ask and it is given, thank you Mel for NARP!

[@rajmars]

I love your explanations to the core, because it directly consoles and convinces the heart and the mind. It is like the source passing on the information to the needy, through you as a medium. Please keep rocking like this 😘♥️

[@joshdance9959]

You are spot on Melanie. I thank God I recognized the narcissist I was going out with when I did. I went out with her for a year. My soul was definitely messed with. Your term Soul Rape is so accurate. I've definitely been detoxing these past 10 days and IT DOES FEEL LIKE COMING OFF A DRUG.My heart goes out to people who have been sucked more severely into the narcissist vortex than I was. Who aren't able to work out who they're actually dealing with. Peace xx

[@sparklesparkle52]

.. very inspiring the way you explain karma. It all makes a lot of sense!

[@HomeFrendsten]

The narcissist do not act happy though miserable inside because they r concerned much about themselves whether happiness or pain ,those who hurt others easily can't bare pain easily

[@carriedillmann4455]

He never had fun! We did wonderful things He was never had fun!

[@rachaeldjordjevic5415]

Amazing how a tiny bit of truth can flush out demonic filth

[@Leila2023_]

thank you for your work Melanie you have heped me a lot and I'm sure so many of us since the pandemic... I'm sure I'm not alone in the destruction of my marriage / family... i agree. I'm glad that it happened to me because it has made me have to rebuild myself. actually I'm grateful because now for the first time in my life i feel so free and content alone. I'm not at the stage yet where i feel fully healed, but I'm not far away. i can't feel angry anymore. we actually get on now. i wouldn't say that we are friends but we are pleasant to each other which is huge progress. thanks for your channel.

[@kanearron7772]

I feel sorry for her she is I’ll and it’s so sad 😢

[@stoicsoul1]

Thank you for the insight , 1month no contact from that parasite vampire !

[@soukyc23]

Thank you! I watched another channel about narcissism for couple of months. Im really diggin into the spiritual side of yours ✌🏻 ill stay for couple of months. Much love 😘

[@paulzedx636ninja7]

Mostly narcissist go away, and you don't see their karma. It can become difficult for closure, when you don't see their karma. 🙈

[@leoniehendrickson2530]

They will get their karma that is so true when they go away you won't be able to see it but they get their bad karma.....Just when calamity strick them don't laugh at it. Mr ex Nars live on the bottom floor with his newly wedded So I can see and hear his whole story and it rocking.

[@leoniehendrickson2530]

He just kinda keeping it together and he don't look like a clown

[@paulzedx636ninja7]

@@leoniehendrickson2530 Yes it's like you have to believe they get their karma, even if it doesn't look like it. 😉

[@reesedaniel5835]

"The wicked is reserved unto the day of destruction. They shall be brought forth on the day of wrath." Job 21:30

[@paulzedx636ninja7]

@@reesedaniel5835 Sometimes it just doesn't come soon enough. 🙂

[@alytaylor8974]

Thank you Melanie

[@dawnemile4974]

Melanie you look great in glasses. I feel like you are more accessible like I am at home with you. I love your energy and ambition.

[@dawnwestfall3521]

I just saw my ex narc is in a relationship and living with someone after dating her for less than a month. I need to stop checking social media. I'm just torturing myself. He abandoned me after 7 years and then came back for sex and to use me 1.5 years after breakup. Then abandoned me again recently after getting with new gf.

[@cupsoflove1245]

Thank you for reminding me why I can't go back ever again . I've been discarded over n over again for over 20 years. After each discard he always a pear all happy with new ..only to Hoover maybe even years later. Don't beat yourself up for looking ..

[@Leila2023_]

my ex tried to suggest that we should have a 'sex friends' relationship after leaving me... i was honest with him and told him that the thing i feared the most was him changing his mind and wanting me back as a partner of any kind. finally i saw the light and truly wanted to be free from the torture. the pain comes from wanting these people in our lives. finally i feel out of it but i still have twinges of fear sometimes.

[@Leila2023_]

@@cupsoflove1245 about 12 years for me... i feel like I've had a lucky early escape...

[@awolfadventureawildconnect5311]

same happened came back after year and half to use me then threw me away again. I need to stop looking at the same

[@dawnwestfall3521]

@@awolfadventureawildconnect5311 I'm so sorry. It really messed me up again and I keep looking on social media. Idk why I do this to myself...

[@dawnemile4974]

I did the free part of NARP and it was great. I have to plan for the payment though because I am a pensioner.

[@Hello-kk5gy]

Marriage # 5 and he keeps going and these wives can’t seem to understand why I divorced him. I was # 2.

[@clairebearie87]

Totally nuts. Stay single and be happy. It's a jungle out there.

[@valb9963]

My ex narc was married 4 times. The last woman "committed suicide". I told him. Who wants to be wife #5.?! Well, I gave and gave until I was depleted. There are too many avaliable women out there. He lied constantly and smeared me long before I knew and everyone thinks that I was stalking and chasing him. One year narc free!!

[@clairebearie87]

@@valb9963 Sorry to hear you went through all that how horrible. I doubt I will get married again, being on your own is actually great when you've come out of a traumatic relationship.

[@martinamajakova2313]

Brilliantly said Melanie! Is my life at moment.Starting with EMDR and planning to contact you with your guantum healing.I have been stuck for all my life but is terrible way of living stay stuck.I wish to heal and be myself.

[@AstridNagelSA]

they are different that an ice addict.....this is a most apt analogy. Thankyou. helped me join the dots

[@Hello-kk5gy]

I feel sorry for narcissistic people

[@leoniehendrickson2530]

Pray for them if you can......I used to pray for my ex Nars but something in me stop me

[@reesedaniel5835]

Sympathy for the devil......it's like feeling sorry for poisonous snakes...

[@annehynynen8153]

Me too! But, I feel AWFUL for their next victims!! It really pains me.. It's horrifying.

[@HellasGD88]

Why? feel sorry for their victims, not the demons.

[@sophial.2438]

Feel sorry for their codependents instead!!

[@faye9973]

Love your work ‘Mel

[@christybigham3461]

Yes it's making complete sense

[@nikkles76]

When you were saying feed me, feed me with regard to the narcissist. I made me think of little shop of horrors.

[@dawnwestfall3521]

Can narcissists act happy go lucky and fine even though they are miserable inside?

[@pinkimietz3243]

Yes, for sure! Especially covered ones.

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

That's what they do 24/7

[@cyndigooch1162]

dawn westfall I assure you that they're definitely miserable on the inside, no matter how happy they're acting! They can be excellent actors too. The self-confessed narcissist, HG Tudor, talks about everything in regard to narcissism in his videos and hope it's okay to mention him here. ❤

[@carriedillmann4455]

Yes I never had fun With my ex

[@stephp7778]

Great question...mine acts so cocky and he is so up himself. Always loving himself in the mirror and loves fitness, loves his body and is extremely confident. he is over the top but it seems real to the point that I envy his confidence. I wish I could have a bit of that.

[@CLS51]

Love you! Thank you!

[@stardustsparkles22]

I can say one thing. I don't need revenge to heal. Im connected with Source now.

[@Elizabeth84517]

She’s preaching

[@dawnemile4974]

I agree with the reference to the Portrait of Dorian Grey. I had actually thought that this was an apt tale to illustrate what a narcissist is like a couple of nights ago. It seems that Oscar Wilde had excountered this type of personality in his life.

[@kaarmahealing8236]

He and she both

[@what-we-eat]

Yes they do but sadly still never learn. After my ex tormented me I was afraid how to keep my young daughter safe, I was feeling utterly helpless .. he had a fall, broke his back and was left paralyzed. I knew it was karma and I felt so afraid. Fast forward 10 years he's in a wheelchair still tormenting his current partner.

[@stardustsparkles22]

They never learn . It's always the partners fault. Sad.

[@suzanoz4506]

Hey beautiful Mel. 🤗🥰❣

[@dawnemile4974]

Karma comes but it can take many years so you may think it will never come.

[@stardustsparkles22]

Im listening. Karma can come to teach. Some people never learn though.

[@adamgafa1693]

Mind boggling for sure 🤯

[@christybigham3461]

Totally agree

[@carolina_terapias_energeticas]

I think they live in their karma....with that bad vibe I mean.... pretty rubish life if you look at it from far away

[@seeing1111]

I understand and I have 1-1/2 years before I need her signature

[@garymcgraw8927]

In the end things happen for the better. Surely does suck when you go through the break up heart-brake sucks. That being stated, whether or not a narcists get karma is not relevant. The opposite of love is apathy and given enough time and no contact apathy occurs and then when the door is finally closed another door opens. Even going through the door you will better off in the long run. But it does suck going through it. Be well live and live your best life.

[@thegungal]

He used my last text as a discard. He had to have the “last” hit. I was NC for 6mos before I texted about something I found of his when I moved. I should have left it alone. Big lesson

[@Hello-kk5gy]

Yes Frank is so exciting and gorgeous. But he always started a fight if not wanting to go to a holiday, new cars, car parts-instead of birthday presents for kids or me. I could go on forever. Now he’s married # 5 and she has no idea. Feel so sorry for her and her young kids. He’s going to destroy more kids.

[@Leila2023_]

but even if you warned her she probably wouldn't listen... my exes ex told me at the beginning that she felt sorry for me and i didn't understand... or care. after listening to Melanie i think the relationship was important for me even though it was negative, for some reason i needed to go through it. just a shame that kids have to watch it...

[@CLS51]

Yes!

[@LisaTravis-m7e]

I have doubts that he will ever get his Karma. He is off with his new supply, enjoying family, vacations, $, etc . I am still alone, trying to heal after his painful discard of me 4 mos ago.

[@adriantanta5865]

i am so damaged now i'm asking myself if i'm not the narcissist ...

[@nicselectronics81]

You're not, they can turn you into one during abuse but once healing finally happens you lose their f-ed up programming.

[@Coolingfin]

Ha! Gave it a like just for the title. I have seen it happen. Still greatful. You don't have to live with anger if you know in your heart they will reap what they have sown. 'If you plant ice, you will harvest wind'.No need to lower yourself to their level in a quest for vengeance. Just sit back and watch. Once you disconnect your energy from the drama it is like watching their Truman Show? I never watched that one...

[@joea1377]

Thank you Melanie. This is a fantastic session. I needed this reminder to let go of narcissistic trauma. I think it is society's ideal to wish the worst on narcissists. This concept is drilled into our minds. However-it is ineffective and counterproductive to allow the narcissist to get under our skin. I'm about to leave a job, largely over a narcissist. And when I do, I want to focus on my own healing. 😊

[@maubyalya4611]

Christina Aguilera- Fighter 😃

[@brie7705]

I subscribed but not sure I am still able to do it. So need to. Doing study... well, trying after existing Narc long term on off relationship of 10 years... and another narc relationship of 20 years... I need your course. I'm at bottom trying to do my degree... But being interrupted mentally by this.... I so want to move forward... I need to be free of this...

[@Truthmender]

I signed up for tthe webinar in hopes there isn't a large fee involved. Unfortunately, I am not in a position to afford treatment or councilling but somehow stillfeel I could use some

[@amberhayes7125]

PLEASE HELP Hey Mrs. Melanie, I just recently signed up for your workshop and I read your story and it is so like mine that it is the only reason I still have one particle of hope left. I wanted to see if you would connect with me personally because I am afraid for my life and I mean that in the sense that I feel as if I have lost my mind. How bad could it be, you might ask? Recently I had a dream that I was watching myself in a dream tell a tied-up version of myself that no one wants to hear from you right now. That version of myself turned around and kept talking on the phone to whomever. I just woke up. This has not been my worst dream, or psychological experience. Some of the experiences you have had that you refer to as your psychotic breakdown, I too have experienced. The events that happened that led to your realization of, “This is what it’s like to lose your mind,” were the exact happenings that made me reach that epiphany as well. I'm so afraid. I have tried to act normal, but I know that I've lost it and that is what makes it so disheartening, is that you don't know that you had it until you lost it. Please help me, I feel myself slipping a little more each day and I don’t want the narcs in my life to win, and for many other selfless reasons that hurt me right now. If something happens to me and I lose all conscious awareness can somebody let the world know it was the abuse that did that to me. Please my son needs to know that. That I mattered and he matters and that was their intention but I knew no better. It breaks my heart on the deepest level. It was spiritual warfare that you really don't understand til they break you. I'm so mad because I had a great mind

[@stardustsparkles22]

I wish i could afford narp. But you definitely got my attention and I am working on myself and true forgiveness. I can't move forward with out forgiveness to release me from the pain. He recorded all my reactions and convinced others i was bad. So what do i do then?

[@doemydear9651]

I get it. I lost everything. On my knees. I have to get that karma. 20 years after divorced gone. He convinced the judge he was broke. Then he bought a Harley Davison motorcycle, brand new motor home for camping yet he would never go camping with me he said he hated it. I had no money for me in the marriage. Looking for my wholeness yes makes sense. I need a home. You gave me hope. Maybe my kids will stop hating me. He manipulated them into disliking me. He got in a fight at a bar I found out. I let him go. Froze him out. He is almost 70 and is an alcoholic lost all his teeth. They feel out. True I told him he would go old alone for how mean he was when I was 25 and he was so mean to my kids. You see he says now 2 out of 3 are not his. Far from truth. Thank you.

[@HomeFrendsten]

The narcissist creat lot of disturbance in life.v should enjoy our holidays with our friends and not with toxicvpeople

[@jennymac1116]

Hi, Melanie. How do we break the idea that they feel entitled to us? That we’re their property and belong to them? Which module works for that?

[@shariwalton7241]

Been there. She actually said it to me many times. You belong to me. YUCK! Now that I have removed myself from her completely I actually feel peace.

[@jennymac1116]

Melanie, I'd really like a response about the type of modules I could use to address this.

[@kathleenblust5107]

I am here!

[@vincecavedog3219]

Hi there 😊

[@AA-nx2jz]

It's been a year of my divorce with narc.I am in peaceful and happy place now but I don't know when karma hit him.He married again for the third time just after a month of my divorce and they look happy and his family puts picture of his wife everywhere to proof that I was the wrong one . Cheating,lying,deception were his characteristics with me and his wife before me ,I m wondering now does he change for new supply?Is he really happy? And why me?

[@Sleeping_Wolf]

I understand now

[@piciulnostru575]

I dont care about karma either. I know he cannot be happy by seeing how he opperates. He s miserable.

[@davidhinkson8856]

Everything you do catches up with you at some point. Let go and let God, it makes no sense wishing evil on them (they're already evil anyway).

[@alytaylor8974]

I wish I watched this live. I have taken when of your classes. How do I get financial help for NARP course. I haven’t ever asked for help. But I’m still almost 3 yrs out and no resolution and 2nd attorneys have and are going through most money. He said he would leave me penniless, homeless and no medical insurance. He did. I have fought hard to get some of these things back. I still don’t have my own place. I will try and look after this You Tube for resources you said would me written. Any help would be much appreciated. My husband but me in the hospital from the physical abuse. That was what made me finally leave.

[@aprilgreen62]

How do people become narcissist; Does one become a narcissist, or are they born that way. What are the commonalities in people who are narcissist?

[@livewell_79]

Nah , stuff karma.i want her to be happy without me, not miserable.i feel sorry for her condition, not vengeful..dispite all the abuse , the cheating ,lying, the hitting, the slandering.i truely pity her.all the best Rebecca x

[@bernicenewson4291]

I think actually they have their karma everyday because they are such sick people to want to have power over you and to destroy peoples lives Iam far from beyond worrying about those kind of people everything that happens in their life so let it be what it is and we move on and put that behind that’s history for me so long and wish them well Iam trying to stay focus on God they really don’t matter not to me anyway anymore ✌️

[@christybigham3461]

I have a question, as I continue healing from being married to a narc . I discovered, I had it aha moment, I went from a controlling maternal narcissistic ( she professes to be codependent) mother, Do you have any information to share with me to help with this? Thank you for all the videos and the shared information. It truly is appreciated.

[@meredithleighfoley7]

My ex was able to sit quietly infront of a fire with me...so Im confused if he really was a narcissist?? (But he wouldn't talk to me either). And I would start to feel I'm not smart enough to start a conversation... Then other times in the throws of cuddles he says "no one will love you like I do".

[@pinkimietz3243]

Yes, he's an narcissist. Also a very dumb one. You're the smart cookie for leaving him behind. Alone at the fireplace where he can finally talk to someone who loves him. He can talk to himself all night long...

[@carriedillmann4455]

I’m here

[@chosenone-divinefeminine8783]

I gave Her her karma

[@laurelmarshall6903]

Hi Melanie!!!

[@marsha04053]

Meeee yesss

[@saidasimerofhok5597]

Here

[@Star5dg]

Melanie is there any chance of a discount code for your program. I hate to ask as i dont want to devalue your work im just in a bad way with chornic illness, and abuse

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

Hi David you can send an email to [e-mail] for further details. I hope this helps xoxox

[@clairebearie87]

That's very kind of you Melanie

[@infinitefaith11.19]

Hi Melanie

[@chosenone-divinefeminine8783]

I exposed her to her family and friends

[@keebler32ify]

Hi Mel, sorry im late 😄

[@youngdonormamafoundation2180]

Sherol here

[@kellystarlight7025]

Hello

[@petekling2092]

I been out 7 months

[@AstridNagelSA]

they have to PILLAGE and take, etc. THATS NO MAYBE

[@carriedillmann4455]

High as a kind ex cocaine !

[@carpathia0117]

Can you shed some light on how cocaine impacts the behavior? Which is bad on its own of course.

[@sugrahsuleman4216]

Hi. How do I use the sponsorship programme. I stay in South Africa. Our currency in Rands is very weak against the dollar and I love the program and have been wanting to babe part of the NARP thriver but unable to buy it as it works out to over R5000. I have heard many many of the you tube vides and in dire need. My husband has married a second wife while we still married after 30 years and never knew a word as narcissist appears. Islamically the men are allowed to marry up to 4 wives but there has to be a lot of equality. Obviously being the narcissist it’s been a journey through hell and back. I at breaking point and suicidal. I need help urgently. I do receive emails from you. But have been unable to afford the NARP programme in Souith African rands. And yes … I am living with a full blown narcissist who is now working on my daughter 19 and son 11 years against me as pawns. I know he will check mate me soon. Need to be ready for the curveball but I am destroying myself in the process.