Do NOT break no contact with the avoidant ex

#nocontact #breakup #discard #divorce #heartbroken #avoidant #dating #relationshipcoach #situationship #avoidantattachment #relationship #attachment #dismissiveavoidant #fearfulavoidant #insecureattachment

[@risgumpert6272]

This man standing in front of a fish painting with emotional background music is saving my life fr 🙏🙏

[@fortificationenjoyer1919]

Yes 😭

[@confidenceblesson]

😂

[@salmaanshah5849]

😂😂😂

[@itme7297]

LOL

[@maxlozla8762]

Same here

[@geoffreybester7953]

I gave one month NO CONTACT, she screamed at me for doing it, she hates me sooo much for doing it, so now I am doing more NO CONTACT until she opens up again to me. Thing is NO CONTACT is for healing, once you got that healing, then you can be in charge of contact, but NO chasing and NO begging! Yeah, the person must change to be slightly dateable, currently it is just tantrums and rage attacks. Look after yourself first!

[@tabarnakopoulos]

Almost 2 months of no contact. And I realise that I miss her less and less every moment that passes. No way I'm breaking no contact.

[@Jakilyn]

D O N O T It will only hurt you even more They will never change They aren't capable of giving you the partnership you need

[@Americanpatriot-zo2tk]

Well I think you use the nail on the head they’re not the person that I built them up in my head to be.

[@Dreamsareareality]

This video saved me. I almost did it. But did not. 90 days approaching. Thank you.

[@grow2be]

5 weeks of no contact he texted me to trade our stuff. I agreed to a time. I’m debating just opening the garage door so he can go get his stuff and leave mine. No contact.

[@user-ck6ly4st3v]

He never even discarded me. He just treated me like total crap. So I stopped all contact. He's totally blocked, and I will not contact him in any way. It wouldn't even occur to me to do so. I don't chase anyway, I'm feminine and feminine does not initiate. I ignored all his attempts to contact me, ghosting and blocking him totally over one year now. I was in love with a fantasy, not with him the person. Now that I see what he is, I wouldn't deal with him even if he crawled begging.

[@doublesidestephustler6094]

Proud of you ❤

[@teem5945]

What exactly did he do that qualifies as "treating you as crab"?

[@user-ck6ly4st3v]

@@teem5945 He treated me like crap, not crab. If he had treated me like a 🦀 crab, that would have been delightful, I love animals 😍. The only things he ever gave me were disrespect and betrayal.

[@teem5945]

@@user-ck6ly4st3v Thank you for the correction. It was just a typo. I know the meaning of the expression. Do you mind giving an example of how he disrespected you and how he betrayed you?

[@Chloeeee2215]

I really feel like breaking no contact after 5 months of no contact 😭

[@mountainman88]

Impeccable timing.

[@KVG822]

These videos are really helping me as I try to cope with being blindly discarded and him not wanting to talk about it when usually he was an open book.

[@antriggs4190]

Really sorry this happened to you too. I just cannot understand this behavior, especially if you had healthy communication beforehand. I hope something turns around for you.

[@philipramsden4975]

I know it sucks. I went through it too. Almost 4 months of no contact and she reached out of me. We're slowly reconnecting and it's going well. All the best.

[@Rajab25161]

U know the cause .. reach out

[@bethoneill9377]

He discarded me in late October 2023, I usually chase but was too devastated to do so...thank God for that! Exchanged our stuff the week of Thanksgiving and he was sooooo angry which I did not understand...again too devastated to chase. I know now what a blessing that was on my part. Reached out on Christmas to say a simple Merry Christmas which he reciprocated and have been in no contact since...working on myself. Discovered all the No Contact videos on Utube and those helped me hang on BUT...didn't discover avoidant videos until 3 weeks ago. Wow was I with an avoidant! Due to another Coaches advice I sent a Happy Bday message...after almost 4 months of NC! I am sooo mad at myself! It was just a simple HB hope you are well and he responded with a TU all is well but again I am so mad at myself! Just discoved these videos and I am so mad the other coach gave BAD advice. Hopefully I didnt F things up too bad. These videos by Coach Ryan have really kicked up my healing to a new level and I am so thankful!

[@walkertranger5746]

I can relate ! 8 years of total devotion for me. She up and ghosted without a word. I’m glad you exchanged your stuff without incident and got closure. I’ve had nothing . Completely devastated and pummeled and paralyzed .

[@Matt-ee3qg]

This guy speaks the truth out of all of the KZbin’s & is helping me so much

[@anthonytorres4725]

Glad you mentioned how to do no contact with children

[@user-wr3gy7el2h]

Thank you for your channel 👍❤️he gave me a ring 💍 because I pushed for it after 15 years in long distance relationship. I wanted to have a child. Anyway he texted we have nothing in common bye. I t was 2020 he s been trying to be my friend. .. I send him happy birthday 🎉🎂 he was rude mean and disrespectful to me . I blocked him. Now it’s 2 month I am not going to contact him !!! Done ✔️ thank you for your channel!!!!!!! 👏🏻👍

[@passerby6168]

"Sometimes to LOVE someone, you gotta be a stranger." ~ Blade Runner 2049

[@abrahamlincoln8913]

Thank you for adding the part about having kids together. I was literally wondering how to move forward because we have to text about kids every once In a while.

[@mikehenry7156]

Thanks coach, so often these days it seems I'm hanging by a thread. That you post so often, encouraging, 'getting it' keeps me going. I deserve better than I've gotten, working on myself to be prepared for whatever comes next..

[@mazithi8312]

Brother I cannot thank you enough, thank you for this content , you touching lives . You’ve helped me alot over the past weeks , GOD bless you and all the subscribers who love your work . 🇿🇦

[@laureyboenig9906]

Thank you. Now I understand why we worked in a professional sense but once we started being “exclusive” our relationship became a nightmare. I really appreciate the videos!!

[@ashton1952]

Thanks, hadn't thought about having brought something good to them in the relationship. Being dumped for no reason makes one doubt that.

[@locks4u2c]

Thank you so much for this, yesterday was hard as I was feeling like I needed to send a text which thankfully I didn’t. He is not talking to me because I called him out on a lot of things so he’s been ignoring my text. It is ok though, I know my worth and he will soon know it as well.

[@Kavilion]

Yesterday was hard for me too. It’s been about three weeks now since she ghosted me and all I think about it sending a text. Telling myself it’s all a misunderstanding. Deep down I know that’s the worst thing I could do. Reaching out now just tells her throwing me away is okay and that I’ll forgive it when it happens again.

[@locks4u2c]

@@Kavilion That is so true, as soon as you hit send on that, you will regret it just like I had so many times.

[@user-vp7gp6ti3b]

I am so so glad I watched this as I was contemplating reaching out as he has an important work case coming up. Seeing this, I'm definitely remaining silent. My heart hurts for the pain and sudden discard but regardless of this, I need to put myself first and try to heal.

[@a.d.b535]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT!

[@user-vp7gp6ti3b]

You're maybe feeling like me... I was almost going to reach out to see how something important in his work life was going... then I saw this and realised "no, I have to maintain the NC rule"! It can be so hard but definitely need to keep one's self worth.

[@antriggs4190]

Ugh, how and when do they feel the pain when they were the ones demanding no contact so they can erase me from their life? They loved me deeply then freaked out and had a dozen excuses for dumping me suddenly then cutting me off completely. All I want to do is talk to her because it’s driving me crazy that she could just go from affectionate and clingy to never speaking to me again.

[@KVG822]

This happened to me months ago. Just have to remember if you talk to her she will run further away. Just have to stay in no contact and move on.

[@Kavilion]

This is my situation. 100% disorganized attachment. All the videos I’ve watched suggest she could be in relief for months before lowering the walls and really processing it. Now she only sees the bad so contacting her makes the walls go up higher and longer.

[@SWallace-lq5hg]

I’ve watched so many videos about attachment and you capture so many nuances I saw but needed validated. Would love to know about your personal experience and how you’re so insightful in this topic?

[@annnee6818]

Same. He sounds like he has personal experience. On one or the other end of the equation

[@hayleylewis1062]

You are absolutely fantastic… hard to do but needed your encouragement today to keep remembering my worth and value and not break no contact , thank you 🙏🏻

[@therealkeinemoniker]

i needed to hear this tonight thank you.

[@ronaldbadami8556]

Coach Ryan. Great content as usual. Could you please do something about children of a distant avoidant parent. How they might heal.

[@MikeHunter-yx3ck]

That's great explanation and I can confirm that. Thank you for your efforts and authentic

[@Ruthforme]

😮‍💨…Thanks Coach!!😮‍💨

[@robinebneth1946]

Absolutely right

[@momovandm]

Thank you I’m so happy I found you he has been in and out my life for 7 years I give him everything I help him a lot I moved here because of him every year he disappeared then maybe he comes back he said he loves me but he don’t know what he wants a 63 year old man

[@Mamaratchet]

Hey! Love these video Bc no one covers being discarded- I’ve been discarded like 4 times in a more than 10 year relationship- sucks😢😢 But this is real talk!! He breaks up then comes back breaks up and comes back… this time he hasn’t 😢 and out of all names his name is also Ryan! A sign

[@robinebneth1946]

Thank you sooo much 🙂 🙂 🙂

[@maximemichel6246]

Thank you 🙏❤️

[@TheFoxyOracle]

Thank you sir ❤

[@coryhodge1266]

Honestly I was fine being just friends with her. As long as we could laugh together I was happy. I'm still hurt over being dropped like a sack of potatoes though.

[@smiggleincinc]

i broke no contact to tell her that my one condition was seeking therapy and she refused. i thought she deserved the minimum to redeem herself but this is also the answer i expected. your videos have helped me realise that i'm not crazy and not the only one feeling this way, so thanks for changing lives and relationships. when i was younger i consistently broke no contact and now that has negatively affected the current situation - she thinks i'm not being serious and doesn't believe i'll actually stick to my word. knowing what she is now i definitely will, and will move on. i doubt she will initiate a message in 3-6 months, but maybe she will surprise me

[@doubleJJ01]

I broke no contact too so many times , I still love her so much and in just 2months we'll be going our seperate ways , I wanted to work things up with her but she always ignored me now its already been 13 days since she ignore me yet again , idk what to do anymore

[@smiggleincinc]

@@doubleJJ01 you just have the move on by using no contact and expect to not hear from her again, honestly. for my situation, i have done my best to help her and our relationship and she has denied all of it, so i can move on knowing that i have done my best without pushing constantly. saying goodbye is really hard, but suffering with the heartbreak over and over is harder

[@maxsheerin8219]

But you do know what to do. You just dont want to do it. You leave them alone and heal your self worth and the pain of the breakup. Or keep going and humiliating yourself with someone who absolutely WILL do the same again. You cant fix them. ​@@doubleJJ01

[@6bt_str864]

(Edit : #malignant narcissist/ petulant narc, sadism, creepy tracking, phone mirroring, rifling through phone, banking app all while labeling the ) Im going to say that i get there's so many of us that this hits a nerve with (but i couldn't Begin to say actually how much it does me , im securely attached ) boy! She REALLY MESSED UP this last round (after taking her back time and again as a sincere empath & her a.. and this is all pro diagnosed) A "petulant borderline/NPD, dismissive -fearful, but also such desdain and toxic envy that she carried out SERIOUS criminal/vicious acts . (Yes the red flags were REAL ) To any on either side of the male female toxic personality trait receiving end believe me when I tell you. The female toxic personality dark triad is SERIOUSLY dangerous to every aspect of a mans life (as a hetero anyhoo) love your content sir. You have a niche'. Short but sweet. (This one really took on you speaking to " me" ) Without all y'all out here. It would be SO MUCH more difficult. Thank you. Great content . 👊🏾

[@user-vp7gp6ti3b]

Am so sorry for your pain, I understand exactly what it feels like. Nothing will ever devastate us like these relationships do, I don't know how we all heal from it long term. Just dreadful pain.

[@shavontedavis271]

Thanks❤

[@shanimeho7771]

5th of December 2023 until now … feeling 😢😢😢😢😢 NO CONTACT.. Deleted from my phone.. still hurts..

[@nicholastracy4915]

These avoidant people are beautiful souls that are hidden in difficult bodies. You're doing great. Stay focused.

[@Xii371]

You need to do no contact for yourself. Take that negative energy and make it positive by pouring it into your self. You deserve that ❤

[@shanimeho7771]

@@nicholastracy4915Thank you .. trying to cope with the emotional rollercoaster….

[@shanimeho7771]

@@Xii371Thank you for your support….,😊

[@markfrontado4955]

I cannot thank you enough for how much you are currently helping me out in my situation right now. You’ve truly helped me during this process in the perfect time for me. I am worth it and do bring a lot of value. Thanks Coach Ryan!

[@A22208]

I did. After 6 months and feel worse than ever now

[@a.d.b535]

Guess your communication was ignored?

[@user-vp7gp6ti3b]

Am so sorry for your pain, I feel exactly the same - it's the most difficult relationship to ever recover from. I never had a relationship like this before ever, nor ever had the heartbreak associated with it.

[@A22208]

@@a.d.b535 no it wasnt ignored. He responded respectfully. But was "too busy to think about anything besides school". Crushed me. No one is ever too busy. You wouldnt leave a lotto ticket on the floor.

[@haihai5293]

​@@A22208Avoidanta are the most bussy people on planet earth 😂

[@evd0526]

@@haihai5293ya! Busy doing NOTHING! 😂

[@lwalters6622]

I just want to say this man is too fine. Sheesh.

[@annaalm18]

Actually I broke up with him but the reason was all the hurt, all the avoidant behavior towards me. We are working together and I am guilty of keeping a certain level of private Communication. We still have feelings for each other and he seems to suffer. I am better without him but every time we talk about us I hurt, am sad and need some days of recovery. So yes, dont break no contact!!

[@Street_Thuglvl77]

Hey Ryan, she’s avoidant. But she was also able to acknowledge that to me, and since we’ve been broken up for two weeks, she hasn’t gone more than two days without texting me. I couldn’t keep her from breaking up, but she said she would want to try things again in about 5 months after she comes back to school for the fall semester. What’s your advice?

[@nicholecornes1915]

Dont!

[@RashmiKamath1201]

So i was maintaining no contact. It had been a month. Then he called me from another number to ask for some medical advice about his mom's health condition (im a junior doctor) I gave him the answers to his medical questions and ended the conversation without entertaining any other topics. Later in the day, he texted me with an update about his mom's condition and said "thanks for everything" I didnt reply anything to it And after that he didnt call or text again, nor did I. Does this count as breaking no contact? Also, why do i feel that i went two steps back in my healing journey after that conversation with him😢😢

[@Kavilion]

I think you did the right thing. He broke the ice so you’ve still maintained no contact.

[@Learning7796]

What happens when you are secure and broke up with your DA and they keep contacting you? You broke up with them because you weren’t getting any needs met in the relationship. Why don’t they just let you go and walk away if they don’t wanna be close anyway?

[@maxsheerin8219]

Why dont you block them?

[@Learning7796]

@@maxsheerin8219 Bc u love them and it’s hard to

[@Laura-Yu]

It’s been almost two months of NC… well almost NC. He’s been watching all of my Instagram stories and liked a recent story. 2.5 weeks ago he wished me a happy birthday (remembering specific details on how I told him I would celebrate it) and I replied with a thank you and a hope you’ve been doing well (he didn’t reply). I haven’t interacted with him at all beyond that thank you. I’m at a point where I think it’s best to give closure. He did something horrible to me and I want to offer him forgiveness so he can move on. I don’t want us to stay stagnant because of each other and I firmly believe that we deserve happiness, regardless of if we are together or not. I just think him doing this will sabotage his future relationships and I want to let him know that I forgive him. Should I still stay NC or should I reach out?

[@boxcg1176]

They don't care for your forgiveness if they did not ask for it.

[@amya4639]

Forgiveness isn't for them. It's for ourselves. You can forgive and never speak to him again if that's what you want to do.

[@smiggleincinc]

if you message him first about it he will know you're still thinking about him and will bring up the walls again. he did something horrible to you but he will find a way to make it your fault. accountability is not in the vocabulary of avoidants. you've done your best to help him and he refuses, you're better off to not message him and let yourself heal. hope you're able to find peace within yourself

[@prernanaithani5971]

My avoidant ex literally added me on social media and cancelled the request in 24 hours. I knew he was playing with me but it did trigger me and I messaged him. He never gave any closure. I literally texted him long paragraphs on how he needs to take care of his emotions. I even accepted I haven't moved on yet just so he can feel better but he didn't even reply. They don't understand logic but idk I still have hope that he is gonna come back. I am not prepared this time. I can't deal with him anymore. I am still in love but idk what to do.

[@smiggleincinc]

@@prernanaithani5971 he did this to get a reaction out of you so can know you still care but also keep stringing you along without changing. with my avoidant, i set boundaries that i wanted her to go to therapy because i think she has trauma alongside the attachment issues, she said no, so i went no contact. that was incredibly hard for me to do, but i realised that if she doesn't respect my boundaries then how can i expect her to respect me in general? i also did this because it made it a lot easier for me to say goodbye when i saw she didn't want to negotiate, didn't fight, didn't care. consider doing this for your avoidant as well, boundaries are important for setting limits with the avoidant and for testing the waters for if they actually want to be with you, or are just messing with you eternally. good luck

[@b2k-desiel630]

what about long distance ? we was living together for 6 years but last year a lot went of and it put us in a temporally long distance relationship and during this time she lost a couple of her family members her mother being one of them and after about 3 weeks after the funeral once she wasn't so busy she changed as a person from all the grief she went through and broke up with me claiming she lost feelings. the story has much more to it but to get to the point i narrowed it right down. I'm 4 weeks in with NC and I'm not ever going to give in. Her last words to me was i broke up with you because of country differences and she wants to be single.

[@maxsheerin8219]

It seems she has gone through the grief of parental bereavement and probably need space to get through these dark days. Plus moving is a huge challange, even if its for work and good reason

[@_ericescobedo]

My only reason to break no contact with my ex is because I have her concert ticket that she paid me back for at the time we bought em.. obv the situation is not as serious as having kids together or something and the tickets weren’t expensive. But wouldn’t it still be messed up on my part to not reach out about giving her HER ticket? Or should I just wait till she contacts me about it?

[@russellfowler8186]

Just mail it to her man

[@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285]

Don't give yourself excuses That's not your rational mind talking

[@syedbukhari6578]

I made the mistake of contacting her during no contact. She got very angry with me. Not gonna do it again.

[@terrelmensa4373]

Don’t bro don’t.

[@EpticityOG]

What if they are sending indirect messages lol

[@spiritwanderer777]

and how will they hit rock bottom if they just suppress their own feelings?

[@marcelinolopez4015]

Because for avoidants, at some point, the feelings stop being suppressed and come to the surface.

[@lke4907]

Yes exactly right. And usually the feelings come back stronger than before.

[@kjjx125]

Please kindly do videos WITHOUT background music. Thank you!

[@Laura-um3ub]

Does the Avoidant know what they are doing to a person that loves them?

[@christopher6323]

No. They only find out later when the damage is already done. Then usually they regret what they have done. That's the difference to a narcissist. They know what they are doing and doing it on purpose.

[@tredd9019]

Yep. Told him after the first time. Told him before and after the next two times. They are CHOICES they make. Not handicaps😳

[@maxsheerin8219]

Yes they do. Whats more is, they have done the same in every relationship and know how it ends these cnts rarely work on themselves. They usually destory lives because the attached hang on to hope of nothing but emptiness.

[@tredd9019]

@maxsheerin8219 100% They are covert Narcs and it's time they quit being cut breaks with a label OTHER than that. The destruction they leave in their path and never answer for is horrific. There's a REASON they are so reticent to speak about their past. Or, in my case, lie about number of marriages (5. FIVE!) etc. Because anyone with any smarts would RUN.

[@sephinew3333]

Nope, Don't! If we are close to reaching out to you but you contact us first its easier for us to take longer to do so. We want the great feelings for you but its too much for us. Don't contact us if you want to hear from us. Itll be more validating and feel better for you if we contact first. Also don't reply to us too fast when we do, make us squirm.

[@AGENT-J-bt2mm]

You’re part of the problem. I hope you live a lonely life of playing games with yourself

[@prernanaithani5971]

Why do you do that? It hurts.

[@vivy45]

I broke no contact.... is it over?

[@therealkeinemoniker]

the point is let it go buddy, i was you 3 months ago and at this point i'm fucking done. pay attention to gaslighting

[@maxsheerin8219]

Im glad you covered the neediness of the anxious attachment. Which must be revolting to avoidants. Its like they are flogging a dead dog and expecting it to come back to life because "they" want it so bad. And then they blame the dog for not coming alive and wasting their time 🤦‍♀️😂 heal yourselves ffs and learn to let go.

[@christopher6323]

What you are talking about is a narcissist, not an avoidant. Avoidants might hurt people, but they don't do it on purpose. They can be remorseful. That's the difference.

[@tredd9019]

But they don't stop. Their feelings of remorse are irrelevant. Their vicious, selfish discards and cheating is a choice, not a handicap.

[@maxsheerin8219]

​@@tredd9019 I love when millennials come on here to contradict a trained coach 😂😂😂

[@robertdeskoski9783]

Please...write a script or something. You repeated "consequences of their actions" three times in a nonsensical way. I like your videos but they sometimes come off as a little amateurish due to the language used.

[@clarer5515]

You got as many followers 😅

[@robertdeskoski9783]

@@clarer5515: Hur-hur, because KZbinr has some followers they doing everything right, hur-hur. Good English is good English. Repetition is used for effect, not because you're confused.

[@gabriellacoronado4528]

⁠@@robertdeskoski9783”good English is good English”?? Sir don’t correct someone’s grammar/language if this is how you speak lol

[@robertdeskoski9783]

@@gabriellacoronado4528: ...that phrase was grammatically correct. I don't understand your point? Did you want me to say "Effective and well-formed English usage is the goal?" I was illustrating why you'd used repetition and how you'd use it appropriately, you goon.

[@Leo9ine]

Nah man. I'd rather hear the advice than not. I'm not here for entertainment or perfection. When someone who isn't a content creator tries to force themselves to be one, it slows down the upload schedule and starts contributing burnout.

[@tysonpadilla8406]

Hey Coach, I’m just going to be honest here I was with my girl for five years, she was very much a dismissive avoidant, and she definitely discarded me, though I had my own issues and my own part in the break up as well. We both could’ve done things a lot better, but she definitely stonewall me for eight months. I broke no contact constantly for eight months, I did all the wrong things you could possibly do. I just loved her so much and I was devastated beyond words. I’ve been in contact for six weeks straight. I realize there are so many reasons for no contact ourselves being the priority, of course. But in the sense that I’m hoping to hear something from her in the future, do you think it’s too late to start now? Would it even make a difference if I reached out or not at this point regarding that I’m hoping to hear something from her eventually for whatever reasons

[@vivy45]

I completely understand what you are going through. My husband of 15 years left me in December. I broke no contact repeatedly because I didn't really know all this stuff. I thought if I could just reason with him that maybe he 'would see the light". But I have to forgive myself for making mistakes that I didn't even know about. I wanted so badly to fix it, to save the marriage. But why am I doing all the work?! He isn't trying to save the marriage. He refuses counseling. So what more can I do? 15 years!!!! Down the drain!! We were in business together. So I have no job, no career and I might lose my home.