Women Learn It Too Late! - Subtle Fears Keeping You From Being Remarkable & Confident -Trent Shelton

This episode was sponsored by:
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What’s up, my homies!! It’s Lisa Bilyeu and this episode of Women of Impact is ABSOLUTELY FRIKIN’ FIREEEEEE!!!
Today I’m joined by my boy Trent Shelton, a former NFL football player who became a motivational speaker after struggling with fear and anxiety and thinking he had nothing to live for. Through picking himself back up, he actually ended up finding his true calling - helping people become their best self!
Trent is here to help me dig into this BIG question: Why do SOOOO many women settle in a relationship, even though we KNOW our needs, wants, and desires aren’t being met?! Women are actually CHOOSING to suffer instead of leaving, and it’s GOT TO STOP homies!!!
That’s why I’m picking Trent’s brain, digging into topics like:
- WHY you settle, even though you KNOW you deserve more
- HOW to get out of the relationship when you feel stuck
- The beliefs that are HOLDING YOU BACK & how to change them
- The 2 things to look for that inspire influence and trust
- How to flip the script on boundaries so you actually protect your life and soul
- HOW to go about setting a new boundary for the first time
- The importance of letting go of the guilt you feel for what happens to your ex
- Habits you can do to build your self-worth back up and move on
- And what to do so you DON’T get pulled back into the addictive relationship.
It’s TIME homie!!!! It’s time to set your boundaries and say HELL FRIKIN’ YES to yourself so you finally start protecting your peace, and finding your power.
Chapter Markers:
👩‍❤️‍👨 [00:00] Why Women Settle In Love
🔍 [19:28] Actions that Reveal True Character
🥰 [38:15] The Path to True Feelings & Intentions
❤️ [49:58] The Impact of Your Self-Respect
🕵️ [57:14] Seeking Truth & Setting Boundaries
☮️ [1:14:32] How to Protect Your Peace
👉 [1:39:15] Bonus Episode: Jordan Green
***Bonus Episode: with Jordan Green***
Keep watching for a BONUS conversation with therapist and coach Jordan Green. She’s sharing 4 signs you’re in an unhealthy relationship, including the single greatest predictor of divorce, and the antidotes to unhealthy communication!
💣 TRENT SHELTON’S MEGA-TRUTH BOMBS:
“Settling leads to suffering.”
“Sometimes it takes being perfectly lonely to realize what being perfectly loved feels like.”
“Your history keeps your misery.”
“You will never be enough for a person that is not enough for you.”
“We protect our phones and homes more than our hearts and souls.”
“One of the worst ways to live life is allowing someone or something that’s no longer in your life…”
“Marching at the beat of my own drum and loving the sound”
“Love is the strongest addiction - you are chemically bonded to that person, and every time you go back and it starts all over again.”
“Boundaries are bridges.”
“Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find your best life…”
Follow Trent Shelton:
Website: www.trentshelton.com/
Facebook: / liketrentshelton
Order “Protect Your Peace”: www.trentshelton.com/book
Follow Jordan Green:
Website: jordanandrea.com/
Facebook: / jordangreencoaching
Instagram: / the.love.therapist
Follow Me, Lisa Bilyeu:
Website: www.radicalconfidence.com/
Instagram: / lisabilyeu
Facebook: / lisabilyeu
X: / lisabilyeu
If you want to dive deeper into my content, search through every episode, find specific topics I've covered, and ask me questions. Go to my Dexa page: dexa.ai/lisabilyeu
Themes: Confidence, Relationships, Business, Mental Health, Self-Improvement

[@LisaBilyeu]

WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!

[@kimgordon3695]

#PROTECTYOURPEACE @TrentShelton #NYTBEST🎉

[@RK-ls6ce]

mad

[@scoobydoogrl18]

People who are single and alone have no idea the depth of loneliness you feel in a relationship with the wrong person.

[@sammy_lynn]

WE KNOW, we're still human and need connection, especially after covid isolation.

[@scoobydoogrl18]

@@sammy_lynn never said connection is not needed. Just the type of connection is important.

[@donnajeffreys8252]

Oh yes I do , when I was married I felt very lonely and rejected. When you are in a marriage or have a significant other who's not there both literally and emotionally it's terrible !!! Being single is much better ✌🏽

[@carolinelala9818]

That's a horrible generalization of single people. It's like the married people who think single people are out having carefree sex just because that's what you're thinking about. You don't know all single people and can't speak for them. Maybe they're single because they were in a crappy relationship after relationship and know exactly what you're talking about. Enough with the victim mentality. A lot of people have suffered that and they do know but also some people expect that one person to fill everything in their life, that's what friendships are for, and psychologists, too many people dump on the other person expecting them to be everything, all the time and yes, some others are just not there. Don't get me wrong, I empathize with your situation. I know I have to look at myself in my situations and can't completely blame the other person. Wishing you peace, love, & happiness.

[@scoobydoogrl18]

@@carolinelala9818 Thank you for your response.

[@andreakelley7874]

I have been alone for 15 years, INTENTIONALLY (my idea). I would rather be alone, happy, and have self respect than be with someone who doesn’t treat me correctly. Happiness and fulfillment does not rely on being with someone.

[@candacerich]

Amen to that

[@user-cl6uj5bn2f]

"Stop falling in love with the potential of someone and see them for who they really are" WOW🙌🎯💯

[@angelwilson3500]

'Sometimes it takes being perfectly lonely to realize what being perfectly loved feels like" WOW! A very authentic statement!

[@nadinetchaho2618]

The best quote I ever heard. True 👌

[@loiswall5601]

Yes I know absolutely?☺️❤️

[@suzyswartz9094]

Yessss!!

[@user-yy9mt6kl3h]

I personally think one should rather stay single rather than settling. But here is the thing... You might have "settled" and later realized, you made the best decision of your life. Nonetheless, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship. There are no formulas to these things.. I However learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago my wife and I were on the brink of a divorce because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it..

[@oglaskubuot]

I love everything you said....there is a lot of sense in them and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@user-yy9mt6kl3h]

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@oglaskubuot]

I will look her up online right now.... I hope this works for me too....Thanks a lot

[@LiftingUpJesus]

“You will never be enough for a person who is not enough for you.” So true! Thank you two for having this conversation. The info you are giving is inspiring, freeing, and empowering.

[@jjohnson7297]

That is Soo True! Good Advice ❤

[@GorgDiamond]

I also believe low self worth/esteem plays a huge part in it. Been there, done it and will do better ✨ sprinkle sprinkle

[@ashaki555]

That part sprinkle sprinkle season

[@EverydayGworl]

✨✨

[@jjohnson7297]

Yess! It's low self-esteem for sure / self love 😢❤🙏

[@buyop9441]

4:49 - “A known pain, in our brain is actually more safer than an unknown peace.” 🔥 🔥Preach it brother, preach it!

[@yariauger4125]

His advice is so spot on. The things you compromise on in the beginning of a relationship are the very things that become problems, frustrations and resentment later on.

[@lexiecoar8929]

TRUTH!!!

[@kristines1115]

I am a relationship coach and this is spot on…Most of the women I speak to feel incomplete without a partner. They settle and are typically miserable. Most people are terrified to be alone 😢

[@NightMystique13]

I have been alone since 2015. I have had to heal a lot of trauma. Only recently I have started seeing someone, after therapy and EMDR. Boundaries are paramount to a successful relationship.

[@fitzgn78]

Been single since 2015. I have a timeline… if we’re still in the same place in 6-12 months I gracefully bow out and continue to pray on it! I know my worth.

[@kimgordon3695]

Especially the emotional gauge*

[@npkrn6764]

I'm glad you said "people" at the end of your comment. By middle age, I've honestly seen more men I've known (family, friends, colleagues) who were afraid to be alone. What I mean by that specifically is men coming out of a divorce and immediately wanting to find someone else to the point of acting like crazed, starving beings - not listening to people who try to tell them to slow down, take time to heal, etc... etc... This is my observation, and I'm just one person, but it's been enough for me to notice. As a single woman, I've tried to explain to them their desperation isn't attractive (except to those women who are ALSO desperate), and I've tried to direct them to videos like this and most just dismiss any of it. There is research to suggest that men - especially older men do not do well or thrive without a romantic partner. 🤷‍♀️

[@kristines1115]

@@npkrn6764 I totally understand what you are saying…I work with women and I’m passionate about the healing process for women who find themselves single after 50… I have a few male clients and I totally get what you are expressing!

[@brittanyb5942]

I stayed in an extremely toxic 10 yr relationship because I was scared to leave. I didn’t think I would ever find better. Plus my family pushed me to stay with him. It took a lot of prayer and strength to finally leave. I’ve been single and abstinent for almost 4 yrs now. There are still times when I question if I the “the one” will ever come along but would rather be single than miserable!

[@MsEssance]

Good for you! ❤you chose yourself first. Pray 🙏🏽 ask God to give you the desires of your heart.

[@jilllandrum4849]

I've been in multiple toxic relationships unfortunately & 😢😭 Sadly 💔🤐🥺 that REALLY were illegal and I know for SURE are you soul sucking and I numb to My emotional 😭😢💔🥺🙏🤞 physical pains and scars and trauma unfortunately. OHH self-esteem and self-worth almost Left My Life completely 😢. I REALLY wish I had this guys 😭😢💔😢 book or rather My parents had his book 😢& that they'd taught me, shown Me ALL this stuff. It's just NOT worth it ladies, SERIOUSLY don't do it bc once you do uR forevermore changed for the worse and not just a little or once but every time someone goes there U just don't REALLY ever feel good/right unfortunately 😢😭💔🤐🥺😥🕊️✌️🙏🤞🙏🤞🙏🤞

[@candacerich]

Same only I'm practicing abstinence

[@StephaniRoberts]

I’ve been there. You dodged a bullet. 🙏🏼 Having children in this scenario can wreak havoc on your life, your children’s life, and it continues long after you leave. BRAVO for your clarity and courage to leave. Sending prayers for a fulfilling partner who cherishes and lovingly supports you in all ways. ❤❤❤

[@martharosario1657]

"REGRET IS THE POISON TO THE SOUL"... This hit home 😢 Thank you, Lisa ❤

[@reestillbloom]

Sharinggg

[@LucyLou-qv3hp]

I was left by my partner for his affair. It was hard, but it made me grow and learn a lot about me. I have been on my own for over two years doing the deep work that needs to be done. I now know my worth and know when the time is right my person will come 😌

[@user-dw3tn2kb7e]

Amen!.. EXACTLY

[@carolkami.671]

Same here and loving it!!

[@YachicaKochinsky0330]

Same here

[@jjohnson7297]

Yesss! AMEN

[@infinitecurlie]

I'm not religious, but I've followed Trent Shelton on social media for years. He always gives great advice and I hope more heed his words (religious or not). He is wise beyond his years.

[@amohammed5]

I say stay single, learn yourself, don't settle, and create a healthy relationship with yourself. 😊

[@768Random]

Such a wise man

[@jjohnson7297]

Yess he is!.. I Love the wisdom and Knowledge.. you learn everyday

[@jno3445]

Put your loyalty in yourself.

[@LiftingUpJesus]

I second that. Learning to love ourself empowers us to love others properly.

[@user-xn6yj3wg4j]

Ladies love yourself to not settle! No one can complete you!!!!!I

[@flamefox8989]

It's the heart that's behind wrong choices. Not the mind.

[@anuluonnonhelmi]

It does not always tell you the truth how somebody treats others. Narcissist can show gentleman's behavior toward others.

[@tashaturner9345]

Painfully true. The people or person closest to the covert narcissist are treated monstrously in private and often protect the perfect public image of that person.

[@sherrysunshinefreeman3434]

True

[@lashondamanuel4357]

I said the Same thing...Truth!

[@SoulBeauty1111]

28:22 YES!! As a Mother, when I started saying no to my children - it became easier to say it in other areas of my life. Now, the people-pleasing still shows up, but much less. I can identify it so much more now (thanks to therapy), and thus i’m able to course-correct.

[@AlexiaHDIntuition]

“ cold hearted than broken hearted “ omgawd yaasss 🤩 I love this interview thank you Lisa 🙏

[@michellegirau8136]

I settled, but i had hope that there was more potential. Early on, there was things where i wanted out. My grandma was about to put me and my 2 kids in a homeless shelter, and i had no support system at all. So i just went with it to see where it would go. 14 years later, we are still together.

[@Shugar_foot]

He blessed me with this. It hurts but I am good soul and I deserve better.

[@kimgordon3695]

Lisa You are such an excellent host! Mr. Shelton is wise beyond years. 2 of my favorite people in one session! (Made my DAY!)

[@kimgordon3695]

#LifeBoundaries #Commitment

[@travelchannel304]

I m prefer Alone than Not-meant-for-me.

[@macm2373]

Same! I’ve never settled, I run from those red flags. 🚩

[@user-dw3tn2kb7e]

Right!

[@Luv_and_Rate]

I love Lisa's responses to every point in the discussion she have with people. She seems to gain so much from every single conversation that she has with others. Every conversation is intense and she takes so much from them. I absolutely love this! :-)

[@MegaRose1958]

Trent you might be an introvert but you are sharing valuable insight.

[@nadinetchaho2618]

It’s so good to still be alive to hear this; and to see faithful and true Man. Thank you Lord to open my heart to real hope with this Son of Man Glory

[@21cookiepm]

I definitely needed this episode♥️♥️♥️

[@lilstkngal]

He said "dont let your temptation settle". Get into that uncomfortable talk.

[@mariaclarksoprano7557]

Points being made here are profound. ❤

[@MANSIONMOM]

It's safe to say there's a formula to love. Safety in oneself is in there

[@sarahs413]

Same thing with employment. I'm SO glad I bought "Protect Your Peace" and "Straight Up" -- What we accept will continue. Going out of the comfort zone (in my opinion) into the unknown, knowing what you are needing and wanting for your life is "growing pains." It's not easy by any means, but it leads to so many better doors aligning with our "Best Selves" doors opening. AMAZING.

[@sarahs413]

Oh, I wrote this right before #TrentShelton mentioned this. Woooooow, mind link! Goes for relationships and all other areas of life. I have a new rule of thumb that I won't buy a book that I can get at a library. THESE books from Trent ....... I BOUGHT them in order to go back to them whenever I want or need to! "Protect Your Peace" was a #1 best-seller on Amazon when it was still in pre-order mode. THAT made me see how AMAZING the info is after coming across him in another interview which led me to his KZbin videos. This is worth every penny of it. It's helped SO much and STILL is! I'm diving in DEEP so I'm still reading it! I love that it doesn't have any "fluff" but all "substance." And no, I'm not being nudged nor paid to leave this comment.

[@Kashmir-lt4cx]

@1:43 i feel like it mostly comes from bitterness, resentment denial of one's actual worth and the others worth! An overexaggeration, insecurity which causes arrogance.

[@jacquelinealexander9808]

Good morning he's a good person when it comes to talking about relationships I like him

[@annengei2814]

Epic episode.....just what I needed.Love from KENYA 🇰🇪

[@GraceAuko]

Me to 🥰

[@jessicalong6011]

Man, this interview was everything! I’m in a toxic relationship that I have been thinking about leaving and it has been the hardest thing to do because I love this person and have known them for at least 20years, but this has given me strength to truly let go and move on. I do not want to die unhappy and live with regret if I stay. Thank you so much for this interview guys ❤❤❤

[@LolaAileenVanslette]

That's where I am now. I need to figure out how to leave. I've done it before, but that was when I was being physically abused. I had the police remove him. How do I do that when he isn't violent?

[@Kashmir-lt4cx]

@59:20-1:01:12 sooo true about the part where you both were laughing, and the part where I gotta set strict boundaries! Thank you! ❤😊

[@claralopez3321]

I’m only 18 minutes in this episode and oh boy!!!!! This is golden, such valuable Information all men and women should hear this!!!! Thank you for sharing this ✨🙌🏻

[@debmontana4233]

WHOA! That’s so true and so good I’ve been living with regret, and it’s nearly taking my life

[@sherrynelson365]

Boundaries protects you and everyone else

[@ricardajames5769]

Love yourself first ❤

[@MarilynHoward-hf6kl]

Hello Thank You 😊❤ Real Talk !!!!!!!! Am taking Notes

[@Trilandra-Truth]

No is a complete sentence .., love it! So if no, changes the relationship, then it’s not a relationship. If saying yes to you, is saying no to me then I am pleasing you and not myself and eventually you become a people pleaser and lose yourself! I’ve declared I don’t want to let myself down because if I lose myself who will I become a fake Naaah I AM TRUTH 💕💕

[@l.butler9110]

He's speaking truth. Halleluyah!

[@TheBlessedTrueGuidance]

Great reminders on this one! 👏🏼👏🏼

[@LejlaEnigma91-oy1mj]

He is a man of great honest part ,he teach us from his heart

[@lauriemendoza4671]

This is a very good podcast. Trent really gives you alot to think about and consider. Thank you, Lisa, for having Trent on your show! 😊

[@GorgDiamond]

This was a great podcast ❤

[@_aileenmaria]

Gold!💫

[@loiswall5601]

Awww I’m sorry Lisa! I get you! I hope you feel better! 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

[@gc2137]

Really liked this conversation and the addiction perspective of Eros love. The chemical/soul tie connection can especially happen when what you've exoeriened (the positive experiences) are what you have never experienced before. Very similar to addiction because you're looking for that relational 'high', ignoring/denying how truly crappy the negative experiences are.

[@Mandysews2]

This resonates with what I’ve gone through so much! I had to make these decisions as well and I’m in so much better of a place to help myself and others. Don’t feel like you have to be there as a life saver to people who suck your energy. They will continue to be who they are and if that’s not who you want to be you need to move on. Thank you for this episode! I love it

[@maxinehetep4254]

He is 💯 right!🔥🔥👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@fumbling22]

“My good heart will keep me in situations that will break my heart.” - Trent Shelton. WOW, so much this. This vibes for me at a deep level. I stayed in romantic relationships too long…. Similar to how I also stay a jobs too long.

[@Cat-sx6ep]

Thank you for this I am grateful!

[@jessicaJs9130]

This is my favorite conversation on her show. Thank you for bringing him

[@Mara_143]

This was full of gems💎 💎 💎

[@shedagirl1726]

HE IS SPEAKING SO MUCH FACTS!!

[@azrielcoming1989]

Lisa knows her stuff

[@WildAntics13]

Lisa your always spot on your question! You’re the best❤

[@daniecephifer7089]

"In our minds A known pain is safer than an unknown peace" 🤯 HELP THE PEOPLE TRENT!!!!!! That was me. Thank God for restoration

[@SheRahMusic]

I love this !!!!!!

[@MegaRose1958]

This is a very good video!!! I have already shared this video with close to ten people, young and old.😊😊

[@user-cl6uj5bn2f]

I LOVE this man🙏❤️ He is what a true man is. I agree 💯, I would rather be alone than settle🎯

[@michellekalski8823]

I appreciate his integrity.

[@shawnaw9750]

This conversation is spot on. I've been there, and it's not worth it. 👍

[@babiryewinnifred2079]

I have learned to live by myself and enjoying my own company; I find it is a gift. ❤

[@Futurenurseronika]

I loved this whole conversation! it makes soooo much sense!! and So real!!!

[@yasminibro4632]

Everything they talked about hits home for me 💯🙌🏾

[@antoniasarris1619]

I needed to hear this today. Thank you Lisa & Trent🙏

[@paulettehargrove2778]

giving and what you accept are in your control

[@propellingonpurpose5104]

Thank you for this!

[@con-can571]

This man is brilliant. I'm so glad you had him on. I learn so much from your channel. Could you please have Richard Grannon and/or Tom Macdonald on?

[@jessicakarenmartin]

Powerful, thank you!

[@hayesgirl70]

Great conversation! 😊

[@ebonylyn6104]

Incredible information! Thank you for this!

[@octobermoon3594]

This interview was amazing Trent said some real stuff

[@RConnelly]

Great advice but….There is also a healthy balance of not thinking so highly of yourself that you are waiting for someone that doesn’t exist. Or the person you want isn’t the kind of person that would want you. Delusion…A recipe for being alone forever. I hope his advice doesn’t lead to false hope.

[@pookieCAM]

Best comment.

[@trinaann1452]

I don't believe that he mentions that people who set boundaries and leave when those boundaries are not respected are waiting to find someone else. Trent believes that you should not be waiting at all and instead feel at peace with being alone. That no one should settle for something that does not feel full filing, even if that means staying single forever because it's a better way of living.

[@deloresgrey2260]

LOVE LOVE LOVE...THANK YOU!!!

[@beautifulmslady5716]

I absolutely love this video! Lisa your content is top tier. Needed to hear this. ❤

[@jochebedmukanda5171]

Awesome conversation ❤

[@_Nashh_]

Loved loved loved this video 💗 back to back gems

[@Kashmir-lt4cx]

1:19:59 "You stop accepting less, you pour into yourself, you do the things that make you happy! You fall in love with the image you see in the 🪞!

[@katnez]

Great episode. ❤ him

[@EdytaSantos]

I am loving that interview!!! Wow! What a greeat human being he is. I love YOU Lisa!!!

[@queenwendyjackson4228]

I just went through all of this thank you both🙌🏾

[@carolgeorge6409]

He is making so much sense!! Thank you

[@hey_lilz]

This was an amazing episode. Def woke me up to a-lot of things that I have to check myself in .

[@janaefortson2183]

This is so powerful! Thank you for speaking the hard truths that so many women need to hear! ❤❤

[@millions2nette]

This interview. by you Lisa? Spot. on... Oh and Trent? Wow! Such. excellent points ,observations and examples. Can totally relate to this.

[@sayusayme7729]

Thank you, spot on. 💖

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Thank you both so much!! Extremely helpful and grateful

[@virginiaholzer7358]

Wow, made me feel the truths he said...so great 👍 ❤am so grateful 🙏

[@FlatStella1]

That was very good.Thank you.

[@brittanystalnaker430]

I love this interview!! So much perspective & realism! I could listen to him all day everyday about life, mindset living etc !!

[@michellerobert_mindfulme]

Lisa, I'm from Singapore 🇸🇬 tq so so much for bringing this amazing guy with his amazing new points of view to reach all of us! 😘 😘

[@michelledouglas-thierry3143]

You are so right, on every point